Drink Water and Mind Your Business: A Black Woman's Guide to Healing Self-Esteem, Reclaiming Worth, and Living Unapologetically

by Donna Oriowo

Self-esteem ain't self-taught—and it does see color.

Let's be society was not built with the needs of Black women in mind. And as a result, we learn that the only way to feel good about ourselves is to prioritize everyone else's needs over our own. We find our value in being the perfect partner, mother, daughter, employee, and friend. But that is exhausting! Instead of feeling good about how dope we are—regardless of our service, bank account, or looks—we only feel good about what we do for others. 

Supremacy culture teaches us to hate Black people, to hate women, and to especially hate Black women… except when they need us to either save them or serve them. So in a world where our service is required for acceptance, how could we ever feel good about ourselves while also giving the middle finger to systems of power? How can we possibly live our best lives? How are we supposed to feel confident, secure, and fabulous AF in our bodies?

The Self-esteem. Self-esteem as we know it has been gatekept by the white and male supremacist delusions for far too long. It's time to put power where it actually belongs!

In Drink Water and Mind Your Business, Dr. Donna Oriowo helps readers understand the basic foundations of self-esteem—what it is, how society molds it, and how it affects us all—and offers real, meaningful solutions to feel like the most glorious and badass versions of themselves. Based on years of research and Dr. Donna's career as a licensed sex and relationship therapist, this book will help you set boundaries, prioritize your needs, understand your immense worth, and pursue a life that brings you pleasure and joy.

Genres: Self Help, Audiobook, Nonfiction

256 pages, Paperback

Published May 13, 2025

About the author

Dr. Donna Oriowo, LICSW, M.Ed is the author of Drink Water & Mind Your Business and Cocoa Butter & Hair Grease. Dr. Donna has been featured in publications such as Essence, Huffington Post, Bustle, NPR, The Atlantic, etc.

She hosts a podcast called Desire Dialogues with Dr. Donna, which started in March 2025. She also hosts a free weekly community space for Black women called In My Black Feelings on Tuesday at noon (edt).

Donna currently lives with her family in the D(M)V.

Reviews

[Ka’Rae · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book started out slow for me, and I was prepared to give it 3 stars. That was until we reached Part 2: Mind Your Matter. So many gems! 💎 I’m definitely going to revisit and take my time with the journal entries.

“Moving in new ways is a habit that has to be built overtime. The same way you were in thoughtless patterns of self hurt, it takes time to build up patterns of self healing. If it took you 30 years to get here, to a place where you are ready to heal, then please don’t get down on yourself for not figuring it out and getting it right in a few days. That’s not even fair. Remember, healing is a process, but it does require you to mind your matter, you got this” - drink water and mind your business Part 2

[Keena McKibbins · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved

I just finished my first read of this book and I plan to read it again soon. I want to revisit some parts and really take them in. This book made me reevaluate how I feel about myself. It made me look at the choices I am making. I love the way it was written. It felt like the author was speaking to me. I normally don’t like self help or nonfiction books but I kept coming back to this book. I took my time reading it and doing the techniques. It’s a good read for all women.

[Mrs Morgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a breath of fresh air I feel seen and heard now after reading this. Society will have you to believe if you dont look like a model your not valuable. I've never really thought about ways to embrace the feelings of self esteem and how I could portray outwardly how I felt inside. This book created the framework for how I will teach my children how and what matters most and that Societal norms are not real. This is definitely on my recommend list thank you to Source books and NetGalley for this ARC all of this is my honest opinion.

[vantablack · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not a black woman but I think all BIPOC women, any woman, would benefit from reading this.
I didn’t know that Maslow got his hierarchy of needs ideas from the Blackfoot people and that they started with self-actualization, and there was no pyramid or hierarchy form either. Maslow's needs dont make sense to me fully. People don’t always meet their needs in some step by step sequential order. There are a lot of gaps in psychology, and the majority of perspectives in mainstream psychology are from white, eurocentric and capitalist viewpoints whether the psychology field realizes or not. Even the BIPOC psychology "experts" who come out to fill these gaps with their own self help books seem to play right into the field of capitalism and hyperindividualism, and limited to no consideration regarding cultural or religious backgrounds, promoting narcissistic mentalities and coming up with their own buzzwords to use. They do sometimes make valuable additions to the field but as a lot of them are on social media playing to transparency, I have to wonder about their performativeness and credibility. Especially when a few have made hypocritical statements and excluded huge groups of people, Brene Brown comes to mind. There is a lot of self help literature where the words are all constructed to sound understanding, relatable, reasonable, even life changing and yet there is a total void of depth and true empathy.
I dont agree with her briefly explained stance on "you dont owe your parents"- not the way she explained it. It really depends on the parent-child relationship context and there should be boundaries as adults however, she could've explained that part in more complexity. There were some parts in general I disagreed with but overall, this was a nuanced read on intersectional self-esteem.

[Mystkue Writings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow! This book came right on time!! Something I didn’t know I needed! I have been following Dr. O for a while and as I was reading I could hear her voice throughout the book! One of things that stood out most to me was the balance between academia and general relativity. She really got your girl together and fed me insight on things I need to challenge in my own life. I love the journal prompts particularly the one around Johari’s window and the boundaries! For years people have clung to the 5 love languages but Dr. Oriowo provides a new context to it as it relates self esteem! The way in which she describes concepts and makes them easy to grasp in the everyday lives of black women is impeccable! Dr. O has done wrote an amazing love letter to Black Women! I can’t wait to re-read and apply the journal prompts to my life! I think there is room to re-read section as you continue to evolve in life! Excellent read and would recommend to all my girlfriends and clients!

Must read!!!

[Eduardo Santiago]

Another one where I'm not the target audience, but this time I knew that coming in: this was a deliberate outside-my-orbit read, my aim being to gain insight and understanding. Sadly, this was too far out of my orbit, with a barrage of cultural references and idioms that flew completely over my head. There's really good maerial here, and I'm glad to have read it, but I really can't recommend to anyone except an urban under-thirty Black woman. (And to those, with a caveat: Oriowo seems a bit unaware of her own privilege, so maybe you want to already be educated and fairly well off and with a supportive friend-and-family network before you dive into this).

[Dorothy'e Gott · Rating 4 out of 5]

What is your capacity to endure pleasure? Came across this book when the author was a guest on my favorite podcast. I enjoyed her perspective and ability to make the information accessible for anyone. I do wish her content was more in depth, but I acknowledge that this book may be more intended as an introduction.

[DesanaRose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Whew. This one pulled me together and called me out, all with love. Dr. Oriowo mixes healing, humor, and hard truths like a big sister who’s done the work and wants better for you too. It’s Black, it’s woman-centered, and it’s full of “ah-ha” moments I needed to hear. I highlighted half the book.

[Jo Ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated the journal prompts and manner in which the author really spoke to the reader. Excellent way of breaking down topics that are dictated to us by society and how to break them down in our own lives. Also downloadable resources inside too.

[Rhi · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice reminder of some great self care advice in a refreshingly authentic tone. wish I had this I. physical form though to better engage with the content vs listening

[Mrs. Ross · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of my favorite reads in 2025! I’m definitely ordering a hard copy to read again

[Murja N. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a very good quick with a lot of relatable situations. It is self-care guide book- lots of takeaways and guides!! Highly recommend reading.

[Takeesha Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

An absolutely phenomenal read! Personally and professionally I will be coming back to this one again and again! I’ve already shared it with multiple clients.