What do you think?
Rate this book
I Haven't Lived At All
"I Haven't Lived At All" is a collection of Poetry and Short Stories; each telling the story of what it means to survive in a world you don't have complete faith in and often gives you reasons to remain faithless.
This is about what it means to survive, but never really live. This is about simply 'being' in whichever way you choose, or whatever way you have to.
This is about letting go, moving on and searching for the life that is out there just waiting to be lived.
This is about what it means to survive, but never really live. This is about simply 'being' in whichever way you choose, or whatever way you have to.
This is about letting go, moving on and searching for the life that is out there just waiting to be lived.
- GenresPoetryShort StoriesDrama
71 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 13, 2013
408 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
June 30, 2013
Evelyn has the rare talent of being able to make it feel like she's writing exactly to me, but at the same time I can "hear" how she's got her whole heart in every single word. It's personal and very original but at the same time easy to relate to every single piece, and even if you can't she's painting crystal clear visuals with her words. It was such a beautiful read, well-crafted and stretching from straight poetry to longer prose pieces.
I would recommend this beautiful piece to anyone who likes poetry, prose and raw, real writing. It will touch you and I still find myself thinking about different piece from book in daily situations.
I would recommend this beautiful piece to anyone who likes poetry, prose and raw, real writing. It will touch you and I still find myself thinking about different piece from book in daily situations.
September 13, 2013
I HAVEN’T LIVED AT ALL by Evelyn Knightley (2013)
I was sent this book as a Goodreads First Reads competition winner. Knightley compiles thematic poetry and short fiction. I examine a few of these, rather than the whole book, to enable a more focussed discussion.
INTRODUCTION
In this review I extoll Knightley’s poetry, offer constructive criticism, and praise the collection’s thematic faith. The collection sets a steady tone and continually satisfies the conceit indicated by the title, I Haven’t Lived at All. That tone is often dark: it portrays a reality acknowledged though rarely faced.
THEMES
Survival, coasting, and living are profound ideas. The first scars. The second implies a fearful lack of ambition, or abundant emptiness. And the third is ephemeral, however fast we grasp or try or achieve. If we ever succeed, there is a future from where we may look back to realise the success was fleeting.
The emotions these ideas conjure are similarly present throughout Knightley’s collection. The shorter poems evoke much more than is possible by my simple acknowledgement; Knightley alternates her poems’ lengths, which reinforces the message within the poems. For example in ‘Beat’, a poem about mortality and short temporality, Knightley uses only three lines: the contrast lends weight and reinforces overarching themes (p 2. See also p 8).
POETRY
‘It’s Not’ is a violent though punctually justified epigram (p 15). The reader is estranged in the poem’s shift from earlier ambiguity to this violence (pp 14–5). Knightley introduces the reason for the violence in the third, final verse. This shifts the reader’s empathy from victim to writer in an instant. It is one thing actively to harm another; Knightley makes it seem even worse to omit one’s help to a suffering human.
While this seems non-contentious, Knightley’s explanation in the third verse shows the omission is an intentional ruthlessness. Therefore Knightley implies a contrast between harmful action and harmful omission. This literary device is deliberate: the reader is supposed to stand back in shock, then return as he or she realises the loathing is against an ex-lover, and therefore understandable.
Knightley writes, ‘to say thank you to the man who handed me the popcorn’ (p 22). This line is forcefully nostalgic: the words bounce, and in their rhythm I remember popcorn’s smell during childhood visits to the cinema and the circus. This poem does not stop there. Its final line utters a final message about existential truths: ‘that’s the world we live in’ (p 22).
‘The Clown’ is written in words heavy with memories of childhood safety and security (p 22). Quickly, before those emotions recede, Knightley transports the reader to the present; and in that distance the reader is reminded that whatever pain life demands, however real the fears appear, the human actors who render those fears manifest are vapid creatures. Due to Knightley’s method the reader is empowered; Knightley shows that safety and security may be imagined at any time and imposed onto reality, thereby elevating oneself to a peaceful state.
The fears in ‘The Clown’ are alluded to with imagery on one line, and dissipated with clarification soon after (p 22). As such ‘fifteen [obscured] men’ hurtle out a van with undertones of threats, only to reveal themselves as clowns who reduce everyone to laughter (p 22).
The final poem is especially thematic because it captures and reiterates an earlier sentiment: at certain times we feel we know everything--that life has been lived; but when we continue and later look back, we realise how hollow our lives would have been if they had stopped at the point we thought we knew all (p 25). But this latter point is difficult to reconcile internally. Whenever it is thought, it recognises there will be a future time when today’s recognition can be accused of the same flaws as our much younger selves. The poem suggests that however much we live there is always an impossible, never happening future that will make the life lived seem hollow.
SHORT FICTION
The short stories are literary fiction (pp 27–55). I preferred the poems to the stories. The stories still have merit. Each story fits with, extends, and reinforces the books conceit. Knightley uses several stories to explore the theme without the continuity-restrictions that a single narrative might present. One narrative may have encapsulated the theme, but in several, Knightley pushes the theme in surprise-directions.
The first story is powerful (pp 27–31). As with ‘It’s Not’, the twist is delivered well (p 15). The structure is arranged to give the reader minute details before the plot unfolds. This creates a link with the characters and allows emotional investment. Due to the story’s length, Knightley chooses to let the reader live as the character rather than have the character whisked all over by physical events. Every sense the character uses, the reader uses, too. Through this method, the reader feels all the character’s shock at the peripeteia. The effect is moving.
CRITICISMS
Some of the prose would benefit from more editing. This criticism derives from a personal enjoyment in a certain style. Therefore others will disagree with me.
No punctuation or grammatical mistakes stand out. Though some sentences could be worded better. For example ‘Walking along, she traced…’ could be written ‘She walked along. She traced…’ (p 27). This would simplify the prose, but also add a word.
To rewrite or edit according to the above suggestion may tighten the prose. Again, though, it is a personal fancy. Any author must balance between word count and sentence length. Knightley has chosen hers. I would make changes in some places. But Knightley’s choices do not detract from her story-telling. Moreover, there is even an argument that to make such changes would impair the overall literary feel. My remark, therefore, is exposed as an alternative rather than a true criticism.
CONCLUSIONS
Knightley uses this collection to explore a life cut-short, or a life limited by personal restraint. Both themes are sure to relate to readers who enjoy coming-of-age fiction because the words will support readers who feel stranded or isolated.
Whether intentional or by accident, a few of Knightley’s poems have a similar rhythm--at least in my voice--as Charles Bukowski’s. With different subject matter, Knightley captures the same rolling tones as he does. In that sense, Knightley fulfills her promise to explore a life lived in ‘I’s’ absence.
I was sent this book as a Goodreads First Reads competition winner. Knightley compiles thematic poetry and short fiction. I examine a few of these, rather than the whole book, to enable a more focussed discussion.
INTRODUCTION
In this review I extoll Knightley’s poetry, offer constructive criticism, and praise the collection’s thematic faith. The collection sets a steady tone and continually satisfies the conceit indicated by the title, I Haven’t Lived at All. That tone is often dark: it portrays a reality acknowledged though rarely faced.
THEMES
Survival, coasting, and living are profound ideas. The first scars. The second implies a fearful lack of ambition, or abundant emptiness. And the third is ephemeral, however fast we grasp or try or achieve. If we ever succeed, there is a future from where we may look back to realise the success was fleeting.
The emotions these ideas conjure are similarly present throughout Knightley’s collection. The shorter poems evoke much more than is possible by my simple acknowledgement; Knightley alternates her poems’ lengths, which reinforces the message within the poems. For example in ‘Beat’, a poem about mortality and short temporality, Knightley uses only three lines: the contrast lends weight and reinforces overarching themes (p 2. See also p 8).
POETRY
‘It’s Not’ is a violent though punctually justified epigram (p 15). The reader is estranged in the poem’s shift from earlier ambiguity to this violence (pp 14–5). Knightley introduces the reason for the violence in the third, final verse. This shifts the reader’s empathy from victim to writer in an instant. It is one thing actively to harm another; Knightley makes it seem even worse to omit one’s help to a suffering human.
While this seems non-contentious, Knightley’s explanation in the third verse shows the omission is an intentional ruthlessness. Therefore Knightley implies a contrast between harmful action and harmful omission. This literary device is deliberate: the reader is supposed to stand back in shock, then return as he or she realises the loathing is against an ex-lover, and therefore understandable.
Knightley writes, ‘to say thank you to the man who handed me the popcorn’ (p 22). This line is forcefully nostalgic: the words bounce, and in their rhythm I remember popcorn’s smell during childhood visits to the cinema and the circus. This poem does not stop there. Its final line utters a final message about existential truths: ‘that’s the world we live in’ (p 22).
‘The Clown’ is written in words heavy with memories of childhood safety and security (p 22). Quickly, before those emotions recede, Knightley transports the reader to the present; and in that distance the reader is reminded that whatever pain life demands, however real the fears appear, the human actors who render those fears manifest are vapid creatures. Due to Knightley’s method the reader is empowered; Knightley shows that safety and security may be imagined at any time and imposed onto reality, thereby elevating oneself to a peaceful state.
The fears in ‘The Clown’ are alluded to with imagery on one line, and dissipated with clarification soon after (p 22). As such ‘fifteen [obscured] men’ hurtle out a van with undertones of threats, only to reveal themselves as clowns who reduce everyone to laughter (p 22).
The final poem is especially thematic because it captures and reiterates an earlier sentiment: at certain times we feel we know everything--that life has been lived; but when we continue and later look back, we realise how hollow our lives would have been if they had stopped at the point we thought we knew all (p 25). But this latter point is difficult to reconcile internally. Whenever it is thought, it recognises there will be a future time when today’s recognition can be accused of the same flaws as our much younger selves. The poem suggests that however much we live there is always an impossible, never happening future that will make the life lived seem hollow.
SHORT FICTION
The short stories are literary fiction (pp 27–55). I preferred the poems to the stories. The stories still have merit. Each story fits with, extends, and reinforces the books conceit. Knightley uses several stories to explore the theme without the continuity-restrictions that a single narrative might present. One narrative may have encapsulated the theme, but in several, Knightley pushes the theme in surprise-directions.
The first story is powerful (pp 27–31). As with ‘It’s Not’, the twist is delivered well (p 15). The structure is arranged to give the reader minute details before the plot unfolds. This creates a link with the characters and allows emotional investment. Due to the story’s length, Knightley chooses to let the reader live as the character rather than have the character whisked all over by physical events. Every sense the character uses, the reader uses, too. Through this method, the reader feels all the character’s shock at the peripeteia. The effect is moving.
CRITICISMS
Some of the prose would benefit from more editing. This criticism derives from a personal enjoyment in a certain style. Therefore others will disagree with me.
No punctuation or grammatical mistakes stand out. Though some sentences could be worded better. For example ‘Walking along, she traced…’ could be written ‘She walked along. She traced…’ (p 27). This would simplify the prose, but also add a word.
To rewrite or edit according to the above suggestion may tighten the prose. Again, though, it is a personal fancy. Any author must balance between word count and sentence length. Knightley has chosen hers. I would make changes in some places. But Knightley’s choices do not detract from her story-telling. Moreover, there is even an argument that to make such changes would impair the overall literary feel. My remark, therefore, is exposed as an alternative rather than a true criticism.
CONCLUSIONS
Knightley uses this collection to explore a life cut-short, or a life limited by personal restraint. Both themes are sure to relate to readers who enjoy coming-of-age fiction because the words will support readers who feel stranded or isolated.
Whether intentional or by accident, a few of Knightley’s poems have a similar rhythm--at least in my voice--as Charles Bukowski’s. With different subject matter, Knightley captures the same rolling tones as he does. In that sense, Knightley fulfills her promise to explore a life lived in ‘I’s’ absence.
February 8, 2015
I HAVEN'T LIVED AT ALL
By: Evelyn Knightley
* I received a free electronic copy of this collection of poems and short stories free in exchange for an honest review.*
The description of this collection on Goodreads states: "This is about what it means to survive, but never really live. This is about simply 'being' in whichever way you choose, or whatever way you have to. This is about letting go, moving on and searching for the life that is out there just waiting to be lived."
This book is separated into two parts. Part One is a collection of poetry and Part Two contains short stories.
I found that almost all the poems have a dark theme. Quite a few of them seem to be about giving up. Some of these poems actually appear to be suicide notes. There is a lot of angst and emotion in these writings and as a grown up with teenage sons these poems scared me. I know that if one of my teenagers was producing writings such as these I would take him to seek professional help. That is to me what these poems are. They are a cry for help from someone who is struggling to find something to live for. However, as the collection progresses, the tone changes to a more hopeful one.
Some readers may be turned off by the tone or subject matter of the poetry and decide to discontinue reading this book. My advice is to NOT stop reading. If the poems are not for you, the short stories will be.
The poems are very emotionally raw and will strike a chord in most anyone who reads them. It is impossible to read a poem like "IT'S NOT" and not wonder what happened to the author to prompt her to write something so stunningly dark. "It's not that I want to see you burn and it's not that I would harm you, but if I were to see you on the floor crying out for mercy - I would turn the other way." What can you say to that statement other than "yikes". There must be some serious emotional baggage behind the creation of that poem.
The poem collection is like a walk through the angst and over-dramatized world of a teenage girl. The poems seem to get darker and darker until the last three are written. By the time the author writes "Know" and "Twenty-One" she seems to have started to mature and to grow up and out of some of her self-centered adolescent angst.
The short story collection begins with "Shattered" which is a brilliantly written story about a young girl.
"Work In Progress" is a story about a pub waitress that is full of astute observations. "... I had learnt that if you took enough time to look at all the faces of the people in here, you could begin to learn how the village worked."
As the author writes in one of her short stories, "Humans, I had decided were fascinatingly perplexing." That is a great way to describe this anthology of poems and stories. It is both fascinating and perplexing.
I find that when trying to rate this collection I am confused. If I were to rate just the poetry collection I would give it one rating and if I were just to rate the stories I would rate it a different way. To amalgamate the two parts and give it a single rating is much more complex. With that in mind I give "I Haven't Lived At All" a rating of 4 out of 5 stars.
If this author ever produces another short story collection I will be eager to read it. I admit that I am not an aficionado of poetry and as such I was less enthralled with the poetry, but it was definitely emotionally evocative and if that was it's goal, then the aim was achieved.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
"Evelyn Knightly was born in Oxford in 1992. After falling in love with the power of words and creative writing at a very young age, and during a time in which two very different paths in life presented themselves, she made the less than conventional choice of leaving the world of higher education to stay true to her inner child. Waving goodbye to the prospect of a Psychology degree, she is now giving the life of a broke writer a try."
To learn more about this author visit http://evelynknightley.wordpress.com
To read more of my reviews visit http://amiesbookreviews.wordpress.com
By: Evelyn Knightley
* I received a free electronic copy of this collection of poems and short stories free in exchange for an honest review.*
The description of this collection on Goodreads states: "This is about what it means to survive, but never really live. This is about simply 'being' in whichever way you choose, or whatever way you have to. This is about letting go, moving on and searching for the life that is out there just waiting to be lived."
This book is separated into two parts. Part One is a collection of poetry and Part Two contains short stories.
I found that almost all the poems have a dark theme. Quite a few of them seem to be about giving up. Some of these poems actually appear to be suicide notes. There is a lot of angst and emotion in these writings and as a grown up with teenage sons these poems scared me. I know that if one of my teenagers was producing writings such as these I would take him to seek professional help. That is to me what these poems are. They are a cry for help from someone who is struggling to find something to live for. However, as the collection progresses, the tone changes to a more hopeful one.
Some readers may be turned off by the tone or subject matter of the poetry and decide to discontinue reading this book. My advice is to NOT stop reading. If the poems are not for you, the short stories will be.
The poems are very emotionally raw and will strike a chord in most anyone who reads them. It is impossible to read a poem like "IT'S NOT" and not wonder what happened to the author to prompt her to write something so stunningly dark. "It's not that I want to see you burn and it's not that I would harm you, but if I were to see you on the floor crying out for mercy - I would turn the other way." What can you say to that statement other than "yikes". There must be some serious emotional baggage behind the creation of that poem.
The poem collection is like a walk through the angst and over-dramatized world of a teenage girl. The poems seem to get darker and darker until the last three are written. By the time the author writes "Know" and "Twenty-One" she seems to have started to mature and to grow up and out of some of her self-centered adolescent angst.
The short story collection begins with "Shattered" which is a brilliantly written story about a young girl.
"Work In Progress" is a story about a pub waitress that is full of astute observations. "... I had learnt that if you took enough time to look at all the faces of the people in here, you could begin to learn how the village worked."
As the author writes in one of her short stories, "Humans, I had decided were fascinatingly perplexing." That is a great way to describe this anthology of poems and stories. It is both fascinating and perplexing.
I find that when trying to rate this collection I am confused. If I were to rate just the poetry collection I would give it one rating and if I were just to rate the stories I would rate it a different way. To amalgamate the two parts and give it a single rating is much more complex. With that in mind I give "I Haven't Lived At All" a rating of 4 out of 5 stars.
If this author ever produces another short story collection I will be eager to read it. I admit that I am not an aficionado of poetry and as such I was less enthralled with the poetry, but it was definitely emotionally evocative and if that was it's goal, then the aim was achieved.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
"Evelyn Knightly was born in Oxford in 1992. After falling in love with the power of words and creative writing at a very young age, and during a time in which two very different paths in life presented themselves, she made the less than conventional choice of leaving the world of higher education to stay true to her inner child. Waving goodbye to the prospect of a Psychology degree, she is now giving the life of a broke writer a try."
To learn more about this author visit http://evelynknightley.wordpress.com
To read more of my reviews visit http://amiesbookreviews.wordpress.com
April 8, 2015
Firstly, I was drawn to this book because I liked its title. 'I Have'nt Lived At All' is a thought that can come to any one of us, whatever age we are. You can think it when concentrating on your own life or comparing it with that of others. What it means to actually live is another matter. This is Evelyn Knightley's first published book. Still in her early twenties, she writes through her collection of verse and prose in a clear, direct way. All of the best tales and poems that have survived have been written in a clear, direct way, with an awareness that the words are meant to be understood and appreciated by the reader and not just by the author alone.
The book is divided into two parts. Part One is a collection of poetry, Part Two is a collection of short stories. In both the poems and the short stories, the narrator is conscious of her own aloneness and separation from the world, but, thankfully, without self pity or despair. 'On The Moon', the first poem, sets the tone for the entire collection of writings. While the narrator of the poem felt so isolated that she 'lived on the moon', she wonders if the person her verses are addressed to ever knew she was there at all.
It is a short book that deserves a long think about. There are poems about memories, about seeing clowns as a child in a circus, of people who the author was frustrated by and lost patience with, who she tried to help, save, and there are meditations on time, its passing, and the knowledge that the best is yet to come.
Of the short stories in Part Two, I was moved most by one called 'Work In Progress'. On the surface, it is an account of what it is like for a young woman to work as a barmaid in a country village pub, one who is weary of her daily routine, who does not want to be there, but elsewhere. Underneath, it reveals what it is like to feel not part of, not one with those who life has led you to have to deal with, to feel trapped, with no door in the distance, to escape through.
At times, the narrator of the poems and short stories reminded me of a character in a novel by Franz Kafka, being aware of and involved in what is called everyday life, but utterly isolated and separate from it at the same time. When someone knocks on the door in the short story, called 'Ending Seasons', for example, it is as disturbing for the reader as much as it is for the narrator of the tale. For more than just outside, on the other side of the door, the visitor seems to be in another world from the narrator altogether.
Death, freedom, escape, disconnectedness, time, memory, love, rejection, hope, such are some of the themes of the writings of this book, which is well worth the read and the thinking over. I liked the false ending to the book. After the About the Author page, which would usually be at the end of the book, there is a final short story, aptly called 'Disconnected', which acts like an encore at the end of a concert. Then the end finally comes with 'Soundtrack', being a list of some of the songs the author listened to while she was writing her book. Now, her first book published, she stands on the shore, what ocean lies before her is up to her to imagine.
June 17, 2013
I Haven't Lived At All collects all the lyricised words from Evelyn's early teens, right through to fresh from the mind of the present day twenty-one year old transitioning into the real world. I know some may say that it is universally acknowledged that angsty teenage writing beyond the pink tones of Sylvia Plath is never really of poetic worth because of the specificity of its subject and self-indulgent emotion, but the simplicity of Evelyn's 'Beat' and 'You Let Go' are just two shining examples of why we should all believe otherwise.
As a young writer, Evelyn is so idiosyncratic in her uncomplicated and direct poetry that you just cannot help but admire the easy flow and self-understanding of her work, particularly when it is dealing with darker subject matter. Every seperate piece breathes in sincerity, relishing in a new found positive mindset despite always acknowledging and savouring the desolate thought that real life inevitably spawns.
The five short stories carve paths in similar territories with tales about loss, memories, self-realisation and death, all entangled in dreamy and sometimes abstract prose. The gathering of mentally imprisoned main characters within each piece are largely female, written in a liberal enough sensibility that female readers can entirely relate, and male readers can either relate or gain some understanding of the sometimes quietly feverish female psyche.
Full review at the ouija board.
As a young writer, Evelyn is so idiosyncratic in her uncomplicated and direct poetry that you just cannot help but admire the easy flow and self-understanding of her work, particularly when it is dealing with darker subject matter. Every seperate piece breathes in sincerity, relishing in a new found positive mindset despite always acknowledging and savouring the desolate thought that real life inevitably spawns.
The five short stories carve paths in similar territories with tales about loss, memories, self-realisation and death, all entangled in dreamy and sometimes abstract prose. The gathering of mentally imprisoned main characters within each piece are largely female, written in a liberal enough sensibility that female readers can entirely relate, and male readers can either relate or gain some understanding of the sometimes quietly feverish female psyche.
Full review at the ouija board.
August 1, 2013
"I Haven't Lived at All" is a thought-provoking and well written book. Full of poems that are easily relatable for many readers from all walks of life, this book allows the reader to explore their own journey in life so far and to really think about what it actually is to live and to have lived. Each of the poems are unique and offer many different meanings, all of which can be translated in any which way you feel and uniquely offer an intriguing insight into the author's life; something that can only help you want to explore any other books she may release. For an up and coming novelist, Evelyn writes as if she has many years of experience behind her, and proves that it isn't always about what you're shown, but what you can discover for yourself. Personal favourites for me are "Beat", for its beautiful simplicity, and "The Clown" with, for me, an excellent essence of imagery. I would highly recommend this book.
August 25, 2014
I highly recommend this collection of poems and short stories. The words are raw, powerful, honest, and well crafted by the author Evelyn Knightley. She is a very talented young lady and I cannot wait for any future projects she has in store for us! Evelyn KnightleyI Haven't Lived At All
March 7, 2014
This book is a collection of poetry and short stories. Even though the book is very short, is not a fast read.
It's a very deep and thoughtful book that is best enjoyed slowly.
I like the poetry but I really loved the short stories. I can relate to a lot of the feelings the author describes.
I'm looking forward for her next book!.
It's a very deep and thoughtful book that is best enjoyed slowly.
I like the poetry but I really loved the short stories. I can relate to a lot of the feelings the author describes.
I'm looking forward for her next book!.
February 22, 2014
Great poems, easy to read, and relate-able. I didn't get a chance to read all the short stories but i will in time. I do recommend this book though as a light read for people how like poetry from the heart which isn't so much based on rhyme but what the words are really saying.
July 29, 2013
Magnifiquement écrit!
December 18, 2014
When it comes to poetry I have a hard time connecting. Based on the title and the introduction, I thought that I would find something in this collection that spoke to me. But, no..
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews