Thank you Grand Central Pub for the ARC. Please don't blocklist me. IYKYK, my reviews are ALWAYS honest.
Writing: I refuse to believe this is THE Lisa Gardner | Plot: gave me nothing | Ending: stop it. stop it right now
SYNOPSIS
Frankie Elkin is sent to an atoll off the shores of Honolulu to track down a serial killer's missing sister.
MY OPINION
Respectfully... NO. Absolutely NOT. I was SO excited to read this one because even though Lisa Gardner and I have our differences, she is a WRITERRRRR. Her prose is very distinct, she clearly does her research, and her plots are always juicy. Sometimes a lil too juicy for my liking, but definitely entertaining. But THIS??? THIS RIGHT HERE???? Have you ever shoved a handful of tortilla chips into your mouth only to realize they're stale af? That's how reading this felt. Even if Lisa Gardner showed me a recording of typing every single word of this book, I would scream DEEP FAKE and run away. Let me stay in denial because this cannot be THE Lisa Gardner who wrote one of my all-time favourite books, Live to Tell. This is like Dervla McTiernan's The Murder Rule (if you've been following my reviews for awhile, you KNOW how I felt about that one).
To no on'e surprise, I did not read the first two books in this series. BUT, after finishing this piece of work, I picked up book #1 to confirm my suspicions that this was whack af. Where were Gardner's signature sentence fragments??? All I got was basic ass writing that was trending Freida McFadden. Yes. THAT bad. And what happened to Gardner's suspenseful storytelling? After getting off to a great start, we're stalled out learning about forest patterns and birds and big ass crabs for a solid 30% of the book. Frankie, you've been brought to the atoll to find Lea, stop tryna hit on your boss. Save some rizz for the rest of us please.
Also, Frankie makes it clear that she doesn't find missing people for money and I'm convinced that's not by choice. In fact, SHE should be paying her clients for letting her make a mess of everything. Frankie is about as discreet as a straight man's line of sight when a phat ass walks by. She's allegedly undercover so either 1) she doesn't understand what that really means or 2) there is no second option, it has to be the first. And Frankie's special skill being that she "asks the right questions" was absolutely hilarious. I wouldn't even trust Frankie to ask a six-year-old what they had for dinner.
I really didn't want to do any spoilies because the release date is so far away, but like Frankie, I just can't stfu... SPOILERS ALERT. SCROLL TO BOTTOM
Tbh because I'm a certified Gardner stan, I wanted to toss this a lil three stars, but the final showdown solidified this 2 star (which is still generous, considering). So, we find out that Lea and Kaylee were in cahoots. This makes no damn sense because why would Kaylee hire Frankie to find Lea??? Apparently it was the lawyer's fault, but this felt like a cop-out because Kaylee could've easily said absolutely not and refused to see her. Instead, she makes things extra complicated by sending Frankie's stupid ass to the atoll to blow her spot up. There was absolutely no reason Frankie needed to be there. It was like Mariana in The Maidens. GIRL YOU DON'T EVEN GO HERE!!!
Anyways, Kaylee somehow escapes death row and makes it to the atoll, where she lets the chopper sing and then WINKS at Frankie as she darts into hiding. But wait, it gets more cringey. Frankie and the gang go to Mac's cabin to 'hide out', and decides the best course of action is to blurt out LEA YOU DID IT in front of everyone, including Lea of course. Scooby Doo would never. And despite Frankie's certainty that Lea is involved, everyone, including an undercover FBI agent, lets Lea chill out while they wait for Kaylee and her accomplice (Bill) to ... idk? Kill them all I guess.
But here is where things got laughable: Frankie decides to lure Kaylee and Bill to them by........... LEAVING OUT A BOWL OF HOT N FRESH SPAGHETTI. YES, YOU READ THAT CORRECTLY. Frankie believed that a hardened serial killer and death row escapee would give everything up for a bowl of spaghetti. If I'm going to surrender, it's not going to be for SPAGHETTI. Make it a filet mignon and we'll talk. Not only is this plan so childish, but the undercover FBI agent agrees that it's a great idea. Sir, you're fired. Don't even bother coming back to the mainland. Just let the coconut crabs have your ass. Because WHAT??? Again, this cannot be THE Lisa Gardner writing this.
And lastly, there was an incest twist. Was it necessary? Of course not. But was it absolutely disgusting? 100%.
SPOILERS DONE
Idk what happened here, but I didn't like it. Read Live to Tell instead. A banger.
PROS AND CONS
Pros: I was approved for this ARC, I like Hawaii
Cons: girl BYE