For Life

by Ailsa Piper

An unforgettable and moving insight into loss, hope and starting again, aided by the incredible healing power of nature and a community of unexpected angels, for fans of Phosphoresence by Julia Baird.

After I swim, I watch an osprey hanging in mid-air. It looks like pure pleasure, suspended, its wings barely beating. If those who came before really do dissolve and dissipate, and if their cells really are all around us, then that bird is held there by Mum and Peter and my grandmother Molly and Ning and Grandpa and billions of others of the long-dead. The osprey, on its updraft, is kept aloft by absences. Perhaps I am too.

When her husband of nearly thirty years doesn't answer his phone, Ailsa Piper knows something is wrong. She calls their neighbour to ask him to check. Minutes later, he rings back. 'Oh, Ailsa. I'm so sorry,' he says. Five words to change a life…

Wanting to flee her shattered world in Melbourne, Ailsa migrates north. She rejects all advice, trusting a Sydney real estate agent to find her a nest - and he does, in a sunlight-filled haven. Soon, the harbour works its way into her days. She learns to swim. She walks, up to the lighthouse and along sandstone cliffs, meeting the winter swimmers, shoreline philosophers, and others, like her, hiding sorrow in plain sight.

But we never leave our pasts behind. Ailsa is drawn back to the south, and even farther back, to the aqua waters of the west. Home, it would seem, is not just one place …

For Life is a testament to the healing power of the natural world, a celebration of renewal and wonder, and an unflinching look at grief. It calls us to bear witness to death, and perhaps even embrace it as part of life's raucous cacophony. Above all, For Life is a beacon of hope, illuminating the dark.

Genres: Memoir, Audiobook, Grief, Biography Memoir, Australia, Nature, Nonfiction

Kindle Edition

Published July 2, 2024

Reviews

[Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about the deaths of 2 humans very close to the author hardly seems like a joyous read. But as Ailsa explores the landscape of grief and loss, she finds love, courage and beauty. And birds. And seahorses. And much in between. Set during COVID lockdown, life must be lived simply. But what makes this almost unbearable is that a loved one is dying on the other side of the continent and she is not allowed to visit.
Ailsa has a wonderful voice and I really loved this book. It is a guide for living and dying with love and dignity.

[Susan C · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful book. A memoir perhaps of grief. But perhaps most definitely also a book about love.

When I read Ailsa's book "The Attachment" I knew that her husband, Peter, died suddenly at home, while Ailsa was away, but this book is a treaty on life after his passing and Ailsa's need to find herself again, all while wearing those 'widows weeds'. This is book written almost as a series of vignettes, perhaps a better way of putting it, as a series of "still lifes" - a gathering of things that are precious and bring forward the memory of a thought or event - something she mentions creating/observing in her own home. But while the book starts with the passing of Peter, her husband, it follows the decline and passing of her own father on the other side of the country, all while dealing with closed borders due to Covid-19.

I was struck with a number of thoughts/memories as I read - I am the younger wife of an older man, statistically he will die before me and I will find myself donning those "widows weeks". I just hope that the love my Peter has for me, will sustain me as Ailsa's Peter has for her. The second last chapter deals with the passing of her father. I do not normally cry when reading but I did this time, so many memories so much the same following the passing of my own mother in similar circumstances. The kindness of the aged care home staff who wanted to come and pay their own respects to her as she left for the very last time. This is a memory which will live on for me.

I'm not one to write to authors telling them how much of an impact their book has had on me, and I wouldn't dare do this this time - listening to Ailsa in conversation with Sarah Kanowski for the Conversations Podcast revealed to me just how 'fresh' the grief for both deaths were to Ailsa, but I do want to say that I found this book impactful and its words will live on in my soul for a very long time.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh gosh this was magnificent.

I’d heard good things when it was released last year and bought a copy for my TBR. And there it was lingering until I got an audio copy. And then I started listening two days ago and gobbled it up. Mainly as an audio text combo as I was transfixed by the glorious writing.

Alisa Piper is an Australian actor, voice actor and writer. She was widowed suddenly in 2014 and obviously this memoir deals with her husband’s sudden death, and their shared history, but a lot of the story deals with the lockdown era in Sydney and Perth.

Her writing is beautiful, particularly her
nature writing. Seahorses. Birds. Peregrine Falcons. Words-usage and etymology. Paris. French. All the things I love.

Plan to reread.

[Anne Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ailsa Piper’s memoir is a moving testament to the power of the natural world to heal and nurture the spirit. Making sense of the random events of our lives is beyond the capacity of most of us, but Piper shows how a willingness to engage with the small, the beautiful, the miraculous, to brave the unknown and above all adopt an attitude of mindfulness can bring an acceptance we thought beyond us.

When her husband of nearly thirty years dies suddenly of a brain haemorrhage, Piper is utterly lost. She and her husband had a marriage many would envy, sharing an instinctive mutual understanding, a like-mindedness in their love of words and language, acting, books, walking, and an appreciation of life’s simple pleasures. Bereavement in these circumstances is an especially heavy blow. Piper lost not just her beloved husband, but her home, her meaning, herself.

In the demanding process of reinventing a new self, Piper relocates from Melbourne to Sydney. The home she finds near the harbour heralds the beginning of learning to swim, hikes to the lighthouse and along the cliffs, braving the icy waters to become a winter swimmer, befriending other locals and finding wonder in a tiny seahorse, an osprey suspended in the air or peregrine falcons nesting on a narrow ledge high up a multi-storey building in Melbourne. Compassion shines through her writing and illuminates her often arduous journey, one which becomes compounded by the arrival of Covid. Lockdowns and isolation mean she can’t visit her beloved father in Perth whose health is rapidly declining. As his last months, weeks and days wind down, Piper learns again all that dying means, to the loved one and those left behind.

In affirming her own connection to living, Piper reminds us that while death means loss, it can be embraced as part of life.

[Loop Bumfrey · Rating 1 out of 5]

Got a third of the way through and was incredibly bored but valiantly pushed through to half way. Most days are the same, nothing happens much and sometimes I did not have a clue what the writer was talking about. Gave up half way.

[Shazza Hoppsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

A reflective and gentle contemplation on grief, relationships and quiet moments of bliss in a time of COVID.
A pleasure to listen to because the author is a practised reader with a melodic voice.
A special book for me as I know The Walker, many of the places and people she describes and the impact of grief.
Sad, but ultimately a story of the tides of life and finding peace and happiness in the small moments and love in the generosity of others.

[Tracey Arnold · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written book about love , life and grief.

[Richard · Rating 3 out of 5]

Certainly well written

[Georgina Banks · Rating 5 out of 5]

This tender and uplifting memoir recounts the loss of Ailsa's partner, Peter, and her relationship with her father, who, during Covid years is living out his last days on the other side of the country. Ailsa's grief is the undertow of this book, but it is refracted through the lense of the natural world, her sense of awe, and her love of words. 'For Life' speaks to death: the endings of physical relationships, and also to beginnings: the reinvention of self, the importance of showing up to life, and the restorative power of nature. As Ailsa relocates to the edge of Sydney Heads, learns to swim in the sea, rescue seahorses, and observes her beloved peregrine falcons, she grapples with who she now is without her other 'half'. She enters a kind of intermediary state, integrating her loss, whilst regenerating herself towards her essential nature.

[Tracey Dale · Rating 5 out of 5]

For Life is a magical read that gives you the tools to handle your own grief of lost loves through noticing the small things we all hurry past. It makes you look, really look at the beauty in your life—the butterflies that chase each other after appearing from somewhere over the back hedge, the annoyed hummingbird who flies right into the living room, buzzing like a tiny drone to let you know that his sugary feeder is empty or filled with greedy ants. All things that barely registered before reading For Life. Thank you for this enormous gift, Ailsa, one that must have come at the huge cost of reliving such devastating heartbreak, and the strange times that followed.

[Jane Simmons’S · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of those books that draws you in and keeps you hooked!

Omg! My emotions the whole time - it felt like a positive grieving sitting on my heart the whole time. How does the author write about incredibly depressing things that don’t make you feel depressed, but instead sad, grieving AND inspired??

Another important thing. There are so many lines and phrases in this book that will make you stop, write them down and keep them close to your heart forever. I got the impression I was reading the words of a very great philosopher.

[Lyn Quilty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have just finished reading this wonderful book and feel as if I need to sit back, take a few big breaths and reflect on what I have read. Such a privilege to share the emotions and experiences of the author. Her descriptions of the natural world are so simple yet clear and alive. I felt as if I was there beside her as she swam, watched birds, held her dying father’s hand. A book I will read again.

[Geetha Chandran · Rating 4 out of 5]

another book in my season of reflection on life and death the memoirs of her beloved husband mother and father told across three states during Covid lockdown. Beautiful insights of the sea of nature swimming i amd friendship love and loss and of course words which hold everything together. audio book

[Michael Hastings · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very personal account of loss, in this case the sudden death of the author's husband and slow dying of her father. The author's deep sensitivity to her family, friends and environment had me in awe, though also irritated and unsettled.

[Mfeehan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Dealing with grief is very personal, but this is a diary of grief where it’s easy to lose track of time. Grieving for her husbands sudden unexpected death, having her own brush with death and supporting her fathers end of life. All during covid. Very relatable.

[Isabelle Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this book feels like being hugged by the one person you know who gives the best hugs.
I have never read anything that has kept me perpetually on the verge of tears like this one did.
5 stars forever.

[Caitlyn Moore · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written and captivating memoir. I fell in love with Ailsa’s way with words and the journey of this book - and even learned so much along the way!

Her beautiful and rich description of her experience in the process of mourning, both past and impending loved ones lost, was breathtaking!

[Harriet · Rating 3 out of 5]

Enjoyed this quiet memoir about surviving great loss. I heard Piper speak at the Stanton Library in Sydney and her memoir was just as lovely as she was.

[Jill Ball · Rating 5 out of 5]

Words beautifully put together.

[Peter Wells · Rating 4 out of 5]

Engaging memoir about grief and what it means to live well. Considers the death of Ailsa's husband and later her father.

[Jenny Dougan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had a profound impact on me especially the ending moments with her father. Beautiful and full of soul.

[Kerry · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wrenching and unflinching eulogy of death, grief, loss, love, courage and hope. Moments, a series of still lives, words, mindfulness and the power of nature to heal and comfort the spirit.

[Sherry Mackay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe better as a long form essay or article? Interesting but not compelling enough for that many pages.

[Essie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Especially love the sensitive writing surrounding the death of her father.

[Pip Snort · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was lyrical and lovely and sad. It brushes over the deep desire to live and the terror and relief of death. The power of kindness and manners and charm, patience and grace.

[Ailish B · Rating 5 out of 5]

an intimate look into the authors life, final few chapters had me in tears.

[Susan H · Rating 4 out of 5]

Death will find us all and Piper shares her experiences from the unexpected loss of her husband through to her aged beloved dad.
Her story is entangled with covid and its complications in Australia, nature’s lessons from air and sea and how words can define moments, people and emotions with intent and by accident.
An eloquent and thoughtful journey filled with reflection, interpretation and self discovery.

[Luisa Bedoya Taborda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful book and yes, I think to live is startling.

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book about death and grief. No psychology or psychiatric text book can make the reader understand the topic any clearer. The language is beautiful. I love the way she linked nature with all the emotions, thoughts that goes on when we lose someone we love. I wonder if it’s an attempt to link the circle of life, including death as part of the cycle, to nature. It made me think of how removed our lives are from nature. Yet our inner souls long to return. The writer swims in the ocean. The observation of the birth and death of birds. I loved the clever word plays, the hippocampi on the beach and the memory organ of our brain, presenting the same link of nature and us. Our modern day lives filled with work, planes, mobile phones but at the end, the story reminds us that dust returns to dust and we are all but part of the cycle, but we are part of it, we are part of something bigger than ourselves. Highly recommended.

[Ronnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lovely book but wondered where was the grief that disables?