My mother always wondered why strangers came up to me all the time in school asking me to help them with a very complicated life situation. I had no idea why, and that continued to happen throughout my life. I often find myself in deep conversations with strangers about their most personal lives. Collecting data and forming insight. Always a journalist looking for deeper answers to much bigger questions.
I was unknowingly born as an HSP, which is essentially a heightened sensory system to everything. An ability to see and feel all of life and its little curiosities with vast amounts of sensory data. I could sense everything on a multitude of levels. Lights, smells, tastes, human behavior, feelings, tones of voice, body language. Intuition and patterns were always developing. My brain was processing all of this through different channels in my highly activated nervous system. I was a sensitive being in a society that rejected those attributes. The blessing and the curse.
I loved life and it loved me back, but I didn’t understand it here. Something was wrong. Something in us felt broken. Deeply broken. I tried hard to pull myself out of the mud, but that mud always follows us around somehow. So, I needed to become it to understand it. I was Dumbledore drinking darkness from a cup. I tore myself apart to understand us a little better. A long road down into the darkness. I knew I needed to get to a place of nothing so I could see who we really were first. It's lonely there. Until, you find, it. The truth. Then everything changed. “When in darkness, light a match.” …Awake.