Everything and Nothing At All: Essays

by Jenny Heijun Wills

"Here is my disconnect: the private and public self. My mind and body. The real person and curated spectacle. . . . Are there actual roots with which to fasten this performance to anything real?"

As a transnational and transracial adoptee, Jenny Heijun Wills has spent her life navigating the fraught spaces of ethnicity and belonging. As a pan-polyam individual, she lives between types of family—adopted, biological, chosen—and "community"; heternormativity and queerness; commitment and a constellation of love. And as a parent with a lifelong eating disorder, who self-harms to cope with mental illness, her love language is to feed, but daily she wishes her body would disappear. These facets of Wills' being have served as the anchors she once clung to and the harsh parameters of what others now imagine she can be.

Everything and Nothing At All weaves together a lifetime of literary criticism, cultural study, and a personal history into a staggering tapestry of knowledge. And though the experiences of accumulating this knowledge have often been shot through with pain, Wills spins these threads into priceless gold—a radical, fearless vision of kinship and family. Devastating, illuminating, and beautifully crafted, these essays breathe life into the ambiguities and excesses of Wills' self, transforming them into something more—something that could be everything.

Genres: Essays, Memoir, Nonfiction, Queer, Canada, Biography Memoir

248 pages, Hardcover

First published August 27, 2024

Reviews

[Troy · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing essay collection - truly one of the best I’ve ever read. Jenny is an incredible writer and so eloquently articulates the complexities of her experiences as a transnational Asian adoptee growing up in southern Ontario. It gave me so much space to learn and understand. Such a great blend of cultural analysis and an illuminating excavation of personal history and identity. Five shining stars ✨

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! EVERYTHING AND NOTHING AT ALL by Jenny Heijun Wills is a remarkable collection of essays. She shares her experiences about being a transnational and transracial adoptee, a pan-polyam individual and dealing with a lifelong eating disorder. I read this book slowly over two months and I really appreciated the honesty and insight. She shares some relatable moments to me as an Asian woman, and living between two cultures. She also writes about reading books that share experiences similar to her own and how important that is. It’s books like this one that are so important to others to know that you’re not alone.

Thank you to Knopf Canada and Penguin Random House Canada via NetGalley for my ARC!

[JC · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nodutdol recently put out a very informative summary of the very troubling for-profit adoption program that was run out of the ROK (south Korea) and its entanglements with imperialism. A lot of the same issues are discussed in a personal capacity in Heijun Wills’ own experiences as an adoptee, and thoughts about colonialism and white supremacy that so forcefully shaped that experience.

This book was a very absorbing and at times heavy account of that within the context of rural Ontario, and later her experiences navigating queer and polyam spaces as a racialized person. There’s a lot here on the diasporic Asian literary canon, and very interesting insights into it all. Also a very fun mention of meeting Dionne Brand and just being speechless and in awe. I actually found out about this book through Hilary Lo, an editor at Knopf and its publishing program Alchemy, directed by Brand. Lo has actually worked as an editor on books by both Christina Sharpe, Dionne Brand, and their published Alchemy Lectures. Her Knopf bio also mentions this book by Jenny Heijun Wills. An interesting work.

[Cassie-Lynn Joy Boaler · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love finding adoption memoirs! Probably because I'm adopted. This one was well written! Lots of interesting research she did about transracial and transnational adoptees!

[Vanna ★彡 · Rating 5 out of 5]

stunning, visceral, truly a memorable reading experience i will sit with for years

[Angelyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved how these essays covered topics that seemed so disparate, and then eventually, the connections become apparent. The author observes such unique patterns across her life and it's a privilege to witness them. Mixed audio book with print book.

[Nancy Wilson · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was well researched and was beautifully written.. It was steeped in a negative narrative that my head could not raise its head out of; anger and sadness and ultimately mental and physical health challenges. I wanted Jenny to turn and count cou on the trauma of her life, she did by writing this book but it wasn't enough for me. But I might as well admit that this reading being done in a challenging and increasingly harder kind of living just means that the mirrors here are too uncomfortable in my timing of the reading. I learned a lot regarding the trauma of adoption and it is worth reading, it's historical references, things that were inspiration for the narrator. I listened with audio her breathy whispered reading contributed to the dark mood of the book. My curiosity continued to be fed although at times I just wanted it be over, like the wars between countries that seem to be endless hopeless losses and insatiable ego driving the rest to despair. No time to heal from one trauma when new ones are eager to pile on.

[Laurie Burns · Rating 4 out of 5]

The essay collection "Everything and Nothing at All" by Jenny Heijun Wills, took me a long time to get through. It takes a long time to get through because it demands careful attention and thoughtful consideration. Wills writes about many serious subjects throughout this collection and many challenged me to think in new ways, slow down and ponder her words. Some of the things Wills writes about are hard to read, but I am glad I grew greater understanding. Transnational adoption, eating disorders, heteronormativity, literary criticism and cultural studies are all woven together in this moving collection. At times devastating but also in their own way, beautiful, these essays are deeply personal, conflicting and often hard to digest. But it is worth it. As Wills says in this collection, "literature is more than an escape. It is a lesson in caring, in being a good person, and a desire to give a shit about people unlike us, people with whom we don't relate.

[Fay · Rating 5 out of 5]

'to me, politics can be done through beauty and beauty like everything else, is always political'

This quote is from a response the author had to someone saying that: to make beauty in writing or art is a gimmick, and that it distracts from politics. I think this belief, that beauty is political and that making beautiful work does not exclude it from being political or meaningful, summarises this authors approach perfectly. Her writing is precise and insightful, and each of these essays holds profound beauty. Beauty can communicate on a deep level, it illuminates truths we might not be able to see without it. These essays give an insight into the authors experiences as a transnational adoptee, and as a person who is queer and polyamorous; identity is a central theme. The essays explore how complex identity can be, and much more so because of other peoples misunderstanding or ignorance of your identity.

[Mike Broderick · Rating 2 out of 5]

An interesting beginning, had me hooked.

And, then lost me as quickly as it had hooked me.
It was being set up as a possible memoir, but quickly transgressed to a very academic writing.

While the book had many thought provoking points, good conversation pieces, I don’t think it kept my interest for any sustained amount of time.

[Michael]

My interview with Wills discussing the book here:
https://umfm.com/programming/broadcas...

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautiful

[Chelsea · Rating 5 out of 5]

riveting, finished in a couple days

[Erin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everything and Nothing At All is a gorgeous compilation memoir gifting her readers the complexities of transnational adoption from Korea to Canada.

[Stephanie H · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an important, but heavy read. Poetically written and incredibly raw.

[Karine Allaire · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible and thought provoking essays about transnational and transracial adoption. Very important work, and it made me want to read more from transnational and transracial adoptees.

[Quinn Venable · Rating 4 out of 5]

Incredibly impactful, devastating, thoughtful and necessary.

[Betty-Lou · Rating 5 out of 5]

Extremely well written stories of kinship and ancestory.