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The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life
“Dr. Ruth’s strategies are essential for building the kinds of bonds that will reduce loneliness and transform lives.” –Gretchen Rubin, #1 New York Times bestselling author of The Happiness ProjectAn urgent guide to combating loneliness, with 100 ways to increase connectivity right now, from the iconic therapist and orphan of the Holocaust appointed the first-ever "Loneliness Ambassador" in the country.When Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy sounded the alarm that loneliness “represents an urgent public health concern”—exacerbated by social media overuse, the residual effects of the pandemic, and the lack of meaningful relationships—trusted therapist Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer knew that her unique perspective and expertise could help. Long-beloved for breaking stigmas around sexual problems, Dr. Ruth has made it her new mission to help individuals break free from the bonds of hopelessness and isolation. We are social animals. We have a shared desire to connect and create lasting relationships with the people around us. But the heaviness of loneliness can make this feel impossible. Dr. Ruth, with Emmy Award-winning journalist Allison Gilbert and longtime collaborator Pierre Lehu, tackles the subject with compassion and her trademark no-nonsense approach. She provides practical and creative strategies for finding friends, community, and intimacy.And it’s anchored by Dr. Ruth’s own story, from the horrific loneliness of losing her family in the Holocaust, to living in an orphanage, to rebuilding her life in America, working her way up from maid to world-renowned sex-therapist. With her tips on navigating family dynamics, developing a fulfilling social and romantic life, and using technology in healthy ways, you will find wisdom for any stage of life.The Joy of Connections isn’t just an action-oriented guidebook on overcoming loneliness from one of the most well-respected therapists of our time; it’s the vital kick in the pants we all need in order to start seeking—and finding—deep and lasting human connections via 100 concrete and innovative opportunities that can be put to use immediately.
176 pages, Hardcover
Published September 3, 2024
256 people are currently reading
7192 people want to read
About the author
Ruth Westheimer
68 books140 followersKarola Ruth Westheimer, better known as Dr. Ruth, was a German-American sex therapist, talk show host, author, professor, and Holocaust survivor.
Westheimer was born in Germany to a Jewish family. As the Nazis came to power, her parents sent the ten-year-old girl to a school in Switzerland for safety, remaining behind themselves because of her elderly grandmother. They were both subsequently sent to concentration camps by the Gestapo, where they were killed. After World War II ended, she immigrated to British-controlled Mandatory Palestine. Despite being only 4 feet 7 inches (1.39 m) tall and 17 years of age, she joined the Haganah, and was trained as a sniper, but never saw combat. On her 20th birthday, Westheimer was seriously wounded in action by an exploding shell during a mortar fire attack on Jerusalem during the 1947–1949 Palestine war, and almost lost both of her feet. Moving to Paris, France two years later, she studied psychology at the Sorbonne. Immigrating to the United States in 1956, she worked as a maid to put herself through graduate school, earned an M.A. degree in sociology from The New School in 1959, and earned a doctorate at 42 years of age from Teachers College, Columbia University, in 1970. Over the next decade, she taught at a number of universities, and had a private sex therapy practice.
Westheimer's media career began in 1980 with the radio call-in show Sexually Speaking, which continued until 1990. In 1983 it was the top-rated radio show in the area, in the country's largest radio market. She then launched a television show, The Dr. Ruth Show, which by 1985 attracted 2 million viewers a week. She became known for giving serious advice while being candid, but also warm, cheerful, funny, and respectful, and for her tag phrase: "Get some". In 1984 The New York Times noted that she had risen "from obscurity to almost instant stardom." She hosted several series on the Lifetime Channel and other cable television networks from 1984 to 1993. She became a household name and major cultural figure, appeared on several network TV shows, co-starred in a movie with Gérard Depardieu, appeared on the cover of People, sang on a Tom Chapin album, appeared in several commercials, and hosted Playboy videos. She is the author of 45 books on sex and sexuality.
The one-woman 2013 play Becoming Dr. Ruth, written by Mark St. Germain, is about her life, as is the 2019 documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth, directed by Ryan White. Westheimer had been inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame, and awarded the Magnus Hirschfeld Medal, the Ellis Island Medal of Honor, the Leo Baeck Medal, the Planned Parenthood Margaret Sanger Award, and the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany.
Westheimer was born in Germany to a Jewish family. As the Nazis came to power, her parents sent the ten-year-old girl to a school in Switzerland for safety, remaining behind themselves because of her elderly grandmother. They were both subsequently sent to concentration camps by the Gestapo, where they were killed. After World War II ended, she immigrated to British-controlled Mandatory Palestine. Despite being only 4 feet 7 inches (1.39 m) tall and 17 years of age, she joined the Haganah, and was trained as a sniper, but never saw combat. On her 20th birthday, Westheimer was seriously wounded in action by an exploding shell during a mortar fire attack on Jerusalem during the 1947–1949 Palestine war, and almost lost both of her feet. Moving to Paris, France two years later, she studied psychology at the Sorbonne. Immigrating to the United States in 1956, she worked as a maid to put herself through graduate school, earned an M.A. degree in sociology from The New School in 1959, and earned a doctorate at 42 years of age from Teachers College, Columbia University, in 1970. Over the next decade, she taught at a number of universities, and had a private sex therapy practice.
Westheimer's media career began in 1980 with the radio call-in show Sexually Speaking, which continued until 1990. In 1983 it was the top-rated radio show in the area, in the country's largest radio market. She then launched a television show, The Dr. Ruth Show, which by 1985 attracted 2 million viewers a week. She became known for giving serious advice while being candid, but also warm, cheerful, funny, and respectful, and for her tag phrase: "Get some". In 1984 The New York Times noted that she had risen "from obscurity to almost instant stardom." She hosted several series on the Lifetime Channel and other cable television networks from 1984 to 1993. She became a household name and major cultural figure, appeared on several network TV shows, co-starred in a movie with Gérard Depardieu, appeared on the cover of People, sang on a Tom Chapin album, appeared in several commercials, and hosted Playboy videos. She is the author of 45 books on sex and sexuality.
The one-woman 2013 play Becoming Dr. Ruth, written by Mark St. Germain, is about her life, as is the 2019 documentary, Ask Dr. Ruth, directed by Ryan White. Westheimer had been inducted into the Radio Hall of Fame, and awarded the Magnus Hirschfeld Medal, the Ellis Island Medal of Honor, the Leo Baeck Medal, the Planned Parenthood Margaret Sanger Award, and the Order of Merit of the Federal Republic of Germany.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 107 reviews
August 19, 2024
What a gift. There is a lot of wisdom in this little book. A very fast read, but do not breeze through. Take time to savor the information and ponder the great points and advice. The good doctor shares her years of wisdom in these 100 ways. Be sure to take advantage of them.
September 24, 2024
Loneliness is a serious problem today. We can even be in the company of people but if there is a feeling we do not matter, there is loneliness. Westheimer reminds us it is not the quantity but quality of relationships that is important. She also reminds us loneliness is a feeling and we can make choices to alleviate it. It is not easy, she wrote, but it can be done.
She draws from a number of sources to give insight on how we can alleviate loneliness. I like that she begins with self investigation. “Self assessment is critical.” (164/1697) Have we excluded meaningful relationships with others? She then gives a number of ideas of how we can move toward establishing new relationships with others, from doing small acts of kindness to joining a class or other interesting group.
Readers should remember Westheimer was a sex therapist. While she does include sex, I was glad she recommended not having sex too quickly. Sex is emotional, she says, and we are to protect our hearts. (864/1697)
This is a timely book full of good ideas to begin making quality relationships with others and alleviating feelings of loneliness.
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
She draws from a number of sources to give insight on how we can alleviate loneliness. I like that she begins with self investigation. “Self assessment is critical.” (164/1697) Have we excluded meaningful relationships with others? She then gives a number of ideas of how we can move toward establishing new relationships with others, from doing small acts of kindness to joining a class or other interesting group.
Readers should remember Westheimer was a sex therapist. While she does include sex, I was glad she recommended not having sex too quickly. Sex is emotional, she says, and we are to protect our hearts. (864/1697)
This is a timely book full of good ideas to begin making quality relationships with others and alleviating feelings of loneliness.
I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.
November 10, 2024
I wish I had an opportunity to meet Dr. Ruth during her life time! We could have talked for hours! This USA quick easy read full of good advice- she writes in a direct way that is easy to understand! This book would make a nice gift! She is full of insight and good advice! Check it out of the library! I did!!
November 16, 2024
Fun, easy read with good suggestions. I’m sorry that Dr. Ruth passed away just a few months after publishing this book. I really enjoyed the anecdotes about her life as a Jewish child who escaped the Nazis on the Kindertransport train to Switzerland.
October 29, 2025
I love Dr. Ruth so much! Her POV on life is so incredibly important.
September 28, 2024
enjoyable, easy read with good suggestions
received this book at reading rhythms
received this book at reading rhythms
February 1, 2025
US Surgeon General Murthy declared a loneliness epidemic. While I liked some of these tips, this seems more suited as an extroverts guide to connecting with others. Like duh put yourself out there. I wish there were some tips on how to strengthen relationships. Also, Dr. Ruth had an interesting life and she uses this book as a memoir. She was a famous sex therapist who escaped the holocaust… it was kind of giving Israeli propaganda tho. And Dr Ruth I get it you were short!
“Be generous with time”
“Take steps to belong”
“Take note of what your friends and family love”
“Loneliness burrows deeper when we ignore our emotions”
“You have the power to make your life bigger and brighter”
“Be generous with time”
“Take steps to belong”
“Take note of what your friends and family love”
“Loneliness burrows deeper when we ignore our emotions”
“You have the power to make your life bigger and brighter”
December 12, 2024
So so book. The tips are pretty much common knowledge for most people. I learned zero new tips. What I did learn and find interesting was Dr. Ruth’s background story. That was fascinating.
February 4, 2025
I think this book is a good reminder piece. It had me thinking about ways to help those who may need a space to belong, students, relatives and otherwise. I am happy with my current actions, but loved hearing more ideas.
I think this is the first time I’ve cried during the acknowledgments, but something about the life she created after a difficult start was really touching. I would read more of her books.
I think this is the first time I’ve cried during the acknowledgments, but something about the life she created after a difficult start was really touching. I would read more of her books.
May 6, 2025
This book was really cool! My therapist recommended it to me MONTHS ago & I finally got around to reading it. I’m so glad I did.
Dr. Ruth seems like she was so vibrant and fun. She wrote this at 99 (!!), and it was published just a couple months after her death. I’m glad she was able to write this before she died; there’s so much practical advice, insight, and life experience that she shared in such a lively way.
As I’ve been reading through, I’ve felt really inspired to be more present with people around me & have been more proactive in making connections in scenarios where I might not have otherwise.
Dr. Ruth seems like she was so vibrant and fun. She wrote this at 99 (!!), and it was published just a couple months after her death. I’m glad she was able to write this before she died; there’s so much practical advice, insight, and life experience that she shared in such a lively way.
As I’ve been reading through, I’ve felt really inspired to be more present with people around me & have been more proactive in making connections in scenarios where I might not have otherwise.
March 18, 2025
I think it is a lovely book to read whether or not you’re feeling particularly lonely. There is nothing really astounding about this book but it’s a nice reminder of the importance of human connection. Ruth Westheimer lived an amazing life and has an amazing story and her personal anecdotes really made the book.
October 7, 2025
The Joy of Connections is a meaningful final gift from Dr. Ruth Westheimer. It reminds us that building connection doesn’t always require grand gestures; sometimes it’s in the small daily acts, the risk of reaching out, setting aside time for others. It’s uplifting, hopeful, and full of kindness — a good friend in book form.
February 13, 2025
wise wisdom! community is hard & I wish people talked more vulnerably about this issue, so I loved that this book shined light on that.
March 2, 2025
Ruth was a badass. I wish I could’ve met her before she passed. Forget wealth and status- I just hope I’m still curious and motivated enough to continue creating in my 90s. Loved getting to see some of her mind & life experiences.
Definitely a good book to skim through and focus on the relevant parts. Some parts didn’t apply to me but others were simple gems that I’m applying instantly. Post-COVID + life traumas have made me very weary and anxious to let my guard down, but this book reminded me of the importance of doing so and the rewards you can reap by being intentional about human connection.
Definitely a good book to skim through and focus on the relevant parts. Some parts didn’t apply to me but others were simple gems that I’m applying instantly. Post-COVID + life traumas have made me very weary and anxious to let my guard down, but this book reminded me of the importance of doing so and the rewards you can reap by being intentional about human connection.
March 3, 2025
Dr. Ruth tells it how it is. Practical advice that many would benefit from, what a cool lady she is.
March 12, 2025
Super nice short read! Dr.Ruth's last book :( A true icon.
November 19, 2024
easy read for a reading slump and very wholesome. good advice that I might have already known or thought of but always helpful to have reminders. I loved her bits of life throughout and learning about her loved ones.
July 29, 2025
I don't recommend this book, but it had a few helpful ideas. The author's family was all killed in the Holocaust. She left Germany as a child and spent time in an orphanage in Switzerland, before moving to Israel and the United States later in life. She had personal experiences with loneliness that shaped her and obviously she can relate to hard situations people have faced with loneliness. She shares 100 ideas for building relationships and connections. Here are some of the ideas I liked:
"'It is not good for a human being to be alone' (Genesis 2:18)."
"Unlike solitude, which can be sought-after and peaceful, loneliness stems from a sense of social isolation. You might be surrounded by people from morning to night, but if you feel invisible to them, like you don't matter, you will likely feel alone (p. xi)."
"Pursue relationships that make you feel special and appreciated... It's possible to choose a fuller, richer path (p. xii)."
"Make positive changes in how you interact with others (p. 3)."
"Most people experience loneliness at some point in their lives (p. 4)."
"I lost my family in the HOlocaust, and I coult not have felt any lonelier because of that... I grew up in an orphanage, and was surrounded every minute of every day by other children. There was no privacy... Yet on July 12, 1945, I confessed in my diary... I'm longing for a friend... I live with 150 people--and am alone (p. 5)."
"Loneliness has nothing to do with the number of people around you (p. 5)."
"You will not be able to sustain healthy relationships if you don't love yourself first (p. 8)."
"Acknowledge that your own choices are likely contributing to your loneliness (p. 10)."
"Instead of apartment hunting, I should be people hunting. I should be inviting friends over or going out for the evening. People would make me feel better and less alone--not real estate... How do you convince yourself that one or two nights a week you're going to partcipate in some activity that could lead to making friends or deepening connections instead of watching Netflix? (p. 10)"
"If you look very lonely--if you're hair's a mess, if you always have a frown on your face--it's going to be harder to make new friends (p. 11)."
"Consider buying some new clothes. You don't have to spend a lot (p. 12)."
"There are times when you absolutely must put yourself first (p. 12)."
"If being overly generous with your time is making you miserable, it's time to be selfish (p. 13)."
"Think about how much sleep you're getting (p. 14)."
"The absence of human touch can be especially painful (p. 15)."
"Making new connections requires courage (p. 17)."
"A carefully chosen prop can signal your interests and affiliations. Without saying a word, you've made it easier for like-minded individuals to initiate a conversation with you. And who knows? These shared connections may lea to deeper discussions and potentially the formation of new friendships (p. 19)."
"There's no better loneliness-beating pet than a dog (p. 20)."
"Asking the person standing next to you in an elevagtor how their day is going invites conversation (p. 21)."
"Being comfortable talking with people you don't know is a skill (p. 22)."
"Fear of being rejected is what holds many people back from making connections (p. 22)."
"One tried-and-true method of meeting new people is to take classes (p. 23)."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade (p. 25)."
"Being curious about people is a great way to get conversations going... 'Where did you grow up?' (p. 27)"
"Don't be ashamed of your accent or your clothing or whatever it is that makes you unique (p. 28)."
"I think hostels and especially bed-and-breakfasts are the best accommodations for people who are lonely (p. 30)."
"Prioritize your mental (not just your financial) wealth (p. 31)."
"You should always tell people what you need, and that's especially true if you're grieving (p. 31)."
"Family plays an essential role in reducing loneliness... I also know, because I lost my family so young, that death can be a significant cause of loneliness (p. 33)."
"When you put effort into strengthing family connections, your life can change. It can become richer and fuller... happier (p. 34)."
"You might need to forgive or forget. And you might need to change your mindset--to believe that a relationship is fixable and not broken forever (p. 36)."
"Don't allow your distaste for any one aunt or uncle, niece or nephew, to keep you away... If you always skp family events, if you always come up with some excuse for why it isn't possible for you to go, pretty soon they'll begin to write you off and you won't be invited at all (p. 37)."
"Ignore what irks you. Bite your tongue. Hold your breath. Suck on a mint... Or make a decision to lean into it and adapt--instead of throwing away the relationship (p. 38)."
"Having thick skin is important for keeping and nurturing family relationships because if you can't take a joke, if your feathers get ruffled too easily, you might as well decide that being lonely isn't so bad after all (p. 40)."
"If someone is inconsiderate, let it go. If it happens again and again, address the problem directly. Make sure tension doesn't build and emotional wounds don't fester (p. 41)."
"Be a good listener (p. 42)."
"Reach out to at least one family member and tell that one person the truth about how you're feeling (p. 43)."
"Create shared memories (p. 50)."
"Going in different directions can fortify relationships (p. 51)."
"Family members who are deceased can still be part of your life (p. 55)."
"Repair the damage you've caused. Begin the healing process so you can open yourself up to connections, not close yourself off (p. 56)."
"If for some reason you don't have family, take it from me: You can build a new one... Throughout my life, people who were willing to be close friends, not just acquaintances, were swept up into my definition of family (p. 57)."
"If your goal is to turn your friendships into family relationships, you have to be proactive (p. 58)."
"Say to yourself over and over agian until you believe it: I am going to make new friends (p. 59)."
"The solution to loneliness is in your hands (p. 60)."
"The word friend has many meanings. There are casual friends, work friends, friends of friends, best friends forever, childhood friends, fair-weather friends (p. 60)."
"Nurture the kinds of connections that are built on shared values and interests and bring you joy (p. 62)."
"Surround yourself with people who are fully investedin living (p. 63)."
"First impressions might tell you everything you need to know, but not always. Push yourself to give people a second or third chance. If you do, you might discover someone worth befriending (p. 64)."
"Don't be satisfied with superficial, nonspecific phone calls and texts (p. 64)."
"Creating meaningful connections requires work (p. 65)."
"The spark that drives all kinds of relationships forward is doing activities together (p. 66)."
"You might get to know someone incrementally by joking around, but to strengthen relationships, you must share updates about your life and have meaningful discussions... Straight talk helps connections progress (p. 67)."
"Please don't take this to mean that small talk is bad. Bantering about your day is the gateway to more in-depth conversations (p. 68)."
"Part of what relationships need to become deeper and more meaningful is quality time. What I mean by this is unstructured time, the freedom to sit and talk without anywhere else to go and with nothing else to do (p. 68)."
"I don't like gossip. I don't like venting about errands and chores that have to get done--that's so boring! (p. 69)"
"When your birthday is approaching, if nobody has offered to make plans, it might be tempting to spend the day by yourself and pout. But you have to take action. Tell everyone you know that your birthday is coming up. Throw yoruself a party if necessary (p. 70)."
"Compromise builds relationships... Every relationship requires compromise if it's going to last (p. 72)."
"Even lying by omission is a problem (p. 73)."
"If you're lonely, you may have to force yourself to be more friendly--to be more social (p. 81)."
"What's essential for forming new relationships is curiosity. Don't judge a book by its cover. Be on the lookout for cross-generational opportunities (p. 82)."
"Meaningful connections are waiting for you in places you've underutilized or completely overlooked (p. 83)."
"If your goal is to feel a sense of belonging, then you must take steps to belong (p. 84)."
"Go out to dinner. Take a walk. Get outside. Go to the library. Go to the park. Beyond your front door is where all the people are (p. 84)."
"I had to make New York City feel smaller (p. 85)."
"Pick something that piques your interest. Your enthusiasm for the activity will drown out your nerves (p. 86)."
"Too many people boast about being tugged in multiple directions all the time. But there are several reasons why running around frantically is a bad idea (p. 87)."
"If you volunteer every Tuesday night... you will likely run into the same people again and again. A steady consistent routine can help you build relationships that matter (p. 88)."
"Resist the temptation to flutter about town--dropping cookies off here, helping with a tag sale there. Be thoughtful with your time. Try to pick one organization to devote yourself to on a regular basis. Meaningful busyness will always matter more than just being busy (p. 88)."
"The simple act of helping a neighbor can be a powerful antidote to loneliness and isolation. Start by becoming more observant... By lending a hand, you'll make new friends (p. 89)."
"If you're too self-reliant, if you're too proud, you're losing opportunities to meet people in your community and possibly forge new relationships (p. 90)."
"Houses of worship are relationship magnets! (p. 91)"
"Sug up for yoga classes, knitting circles, photography tutorials. Depending on what courses you take, you're likely to encounter neibhors who share your interests (p. 92)."
"Books are amazing. They can keep you fascinated for hours and hours. But if you're not careful, they can become one of the reasons why you're lonely (p. 93)."
"The office is where potential friends are (p. 97)."
"Working in person, while surely less convenient, should be high on your priority list (p. 97)."
"Work doesn't have to be a place tha tmakes you miserable and lonely (p. 102)."
"Attend professional development conference... Conferences aren't just for work. They are gatherings for people who are passionate about genealogy, scrapbooking, comic books, gaming, and other pastimes (p. 102)."
"Making friends in a highly curated environment eases the path to friendship (p. 103)."
"If you feel silling reaching out, keep in mind that we're all in the loneliness epidemic together (p. 105)."
"Support groups offer a concrete sense of belonging (p. 105)."
"Peer support becomes worrisome to me when it's offered in the absence of trained facilitators (p. 106)."
"I do think there are ways technology can increase our connections to others, espeically in-person connectionsm which will always be the most important (p. 108)."
"Your phone is a stepladder... Just knowing you have a 'stepladder' in your pocket will make you feel bolder and more courageous (p. 109)."
"Despite its drawbacks, your phone is the perfect device for keeping track of what's important to other people (p. 111)."
"Gift giving is an opportunity to convey thankfulness and love (p. 111)."
"I strongly defend using your phone for its old-fashioned purpose. Hearing someone's voice has the power to make you feel less lonely (p. 112)."
"When you communicate better, your relationships stand a better chance of growing even stronger (p. 113)."
"I love picking up new friends on airplanes! (p. 116)"
"When you make the decision to turn off your screen, you're better positioning yourself to make new connections (p. 117)."
"Friends take effort, but you don't need to buy them (p. 118)."
"Book a trip with a tour group or go on a guided tour of your own city (p. 122)."
"If you're feeling lonely, invite a friend to come along--a great motivator for getting outside! (p. 122)"
"Holidays provide timely opportunities for connecting with others (p. 124)."
"Call a friend who is also alone and plan to do something enjoyable together. Order in dinner. Watch a movie (p. 126)."
"March 1 is World Compliment Day. Giving compliments is yet another secret weapon in combating loneliness (p. 127)."
"You may be lonely, but it's within your power to change your circumstances (p. 131)."
"Join a Fourth of July committee. Plan the local parade or help keep the fireworks display safe (p. 131)."
"National Friendship Day is the first Sunday in August. The holiday is an outstanding reminder to express gratitude for the friends you have (p. 132)."
"Gratitude has the power to deepen relationships and make them more meaningful (p. 133)."
"National Grandparents Day is held the first Sunday after Labor Day, and it's the perfect excuse for grandchildren and grandparents to spend time together (p. 134)."
"If you're feeling lonely, you might want to just turn off the lights on October 31 and pretend you're not home. But in the spirit of deepening your connections with neighbors, I urge you to think again. Parents of young children tend to accompany their kids when they go trick-or-treating. This presents an ideal opportunity for you to show off what a fun-loving and welcoming neighbor you are! (p. 135)"
"I've always loved Thanksgiving... It binds all of us together and is inclusive of all religions (p. 136)."
"Be vulnerable (p. 136)."
"Work hard to cultivate the kinds of connections that bring happiness and meaning into your life. It CAN be done (p. 138)."
Dr. Vivek Murthy:
"I started building meaningful connections by being more intentional in my engagement with others. I was more proactive about reaching out to family and friends... I made it a point to support or help a friend when they were in need. I realized that helping others was actually good for me--it got me out of my isolated cocoon and helped me feel like I had something valuable to offer the world (p. 139)."
"Cultivating connection doesn't have to be complicated--you can start by protecting a few minutes each day to reach out to someone you care about (p. 140)."
"We all have a fundamental need for human connection. It's the common thread that binds us together (p. 144)."
"'It is not good for a human being to be alone' (Genesis 2:18)."
"Unlike solitude, which can be sought-after and peaceful, loneliness stems from a sense of social isolation. You might be surrounded by people from morning to night, but if you feel invisible to them, like you don't matter, you will likely feel alone (p. xi)."
"Pursue relationships that make you feel special and appreciated... It's possible to choose a fuller, richer path (p. xii)."
"Make positive changes in how you interact with others (p. 3)."
"Most people experience loneliness at some point in their lives (p. 4)."
"I lost my family in the HOlocaust, and I coult not have felt any lonelier because of that... I grew up in an orphanage, and was surrounded every minute of every day by other children. There was no privacy... Yet on July 12, 1945, I confessed in my diary... I'm longing for a friend... I live with 150 people--and am alone (p. 5)."
"Loneliness has nothing to do with the number of people around you (p. 5)."
"You will not be able to sustain healthy relationships if you don't love yourself first (p. 8)."
"Acknowledge that your own choices are likely contributing to your loneliness (p. 10)."
"Instead of apartment hunting, I should be people hunting. I should be inviting friends over or going out for the evening. People would make me feel better and less alone--not real estate... How do you convince yourself that one or two nights a week you're going to partcipate in some activity that could lead to making friends or deepening connections instead of watching Netflix? (p. 10)"
"If you look very lonely--if you're hair's a mess, if you always have a frown on your face--it's going to be harder to make new friends (p. 11)."
"Consider buying some new clothes. You don't have to spend a lot (p. 12)."
"There are times when you absolutely must put yourself first (p. 12)."
"If being overly generous with your time is making you miserable, it's time to be selfish (p. 13)."
"Think about how much sleep you're getting (p. 14)."
"The absence of human touch can be especially painful (p. 15)."
"Making new connections requires courage (p. 17)."
"A carefully chosen prop can signal your interests and affiliations. Without saying a word, you've made it easier for like-minded individuals to initiate a conversation with you. And who knows? These shared connections may lea to deeper discussions and potentially the formation of new friendships (p. 19)."
"There's no better loneliness-beating pet than a dog (p. 20)."
"Asking the person standing next to you in an elevagtor how their day is going invites conversation (p. 21)."
"Being comfortable talking with people you don't know is a skill (p. 22)."
"Fear of being rejected is what holds many people back from making connections (p. 22)."
"One tried-and-true method of meeting new people is to take classes (p. 23)."
"When life gives you lemons, make lemonade (p. 25)."
"Being curious about people is a great way to get conversations going... 'Where did you grow up?' (p. 27)"
"Don't be ashamed of your accent or your clothing or whatever it is that makes you unique (p. 28)."
"I think hostels and especially bed-and-breakfasts are the best accommodations for people who are lonely (p. 30)."
"Prioritize your mental (not just your financial) wealth (p. 31)."
"You should always tell people what you need, and that's especially true if you're grieving (p. 31)."
"Family plays an essential role in reducing loneliness... I also know, because I lost my family so young, that death can be a significant cause of loneliness (p. 33)."
"When you put effort into strengthing family connections, your life can change. It can become richer and fuller... happier (p. 34)."
"You might need to forgive or forget. And you might need to change your mindset--to believe that a relationship is fixable and not broken forever (p. 36)."
"Don't allow your distaste for any one aunt or uncle, niece or nephew, to keep you away... If you always skp family events, if you always come up with some excuse for why it isn't possible for you to go, pretty soon they'll begin to write you off and you won't be invited at all (p. 37)."
"Ignore what irks you. Bite your tongue. Hold your breath. Suck on a mint... Or make a decision to lean into it and adapt--instead of throwing away the relationship (p. 38)."
"Having thick skin is important for keeping and nurturing family relationships because if you can't take a joke, if your feathers get ruffled too easily, you might as well decide that being lonely isn't so bad after all (p. 40)."
"If someone is inconsiderate, let it go. If it happens again and again, address the problem directly. Make sure tension doesn't build and emotional wounds don't fester (p. 41)."
"Be a good listener (p. 42)."
"Reach out to at least one family member and tell that one person the truth about how you're feeling (p. 43)."
"Create shared memories (p. 50)."
"Going in different directions can fortify relationships (p. 51)."
"Family members who are deceased can still be part of your life (p. 55)."
"Repair the damage you've caused. Begin the healing process so you can open yourself up to connections, not close yourself off (p. 56)."
"If for some reason you don't have family, take it from me: You can build a new one... Throughout my life, people who were willing to be close friends, not just acquaintances, were swept up into my definition of family (p. 57)."
"If your goal is to turn your friendships into family relationships, you have to be proactive (p. 58)."
"Say to yourself over and over agian until you believe it: I am going to make new friends (p. 59)."
"The solution to loneliness is in your hands (p. 60)."
"The word friend has many meanings. There are casual friends, work friends, friends of friends, best friends forever, childhood friends, fair-weather friends (p. 60)."
"Nurture the kinds of connections that are built on shared values and interests and bring you joy (p. 62)."
"Surround yourself with people who are fully investedin living (p. 63)."
"First impressions might tell you everything you need to know, but not always. Push yourself to give people a second or third chance. If you do, you might discover someone worth befriending (p. 64)."
"Don't be satisfied with superficial, nonspecific phone calls and texts (p. 64)."
"Creating meaningful connections requires work (p. 65)."
"The spark that drives all kinds of relationships forward is doing activities together (p. 66)."
"You might get to know someone incrementally by joking around, but to strengthen relationships, you must share updates about your life and have meaningful discussions... Straight talk helps connections progress (p. 67)."
"Please don't take this to mean that small talk is bad. Bantering about your day is the gateway to more in-depth conversations (p. 68)."
"Part of what relationships need to become deeper and more meaningful is quality time. What I mean by this is unstructured time, the freedom to sit and talk without anywhere else to go and with nothing else to do (p. 68)."
"I don't like gossip. I don't like venting about errands and chores that have to get done--that's so boring! (p. 69)"
"When your birthday is approaching, if nobody has offered to make plans, it might be tempting to spend the day by yourself and pout. But you have to take action. Tell everyone you know that your birthday is coming up. Throw yoruself a party if necessary (p. 70)."
"Compromise builds relationships... Every relationship requires compromise if it's going to last (p. 72)."
"Even lying by omission is a problem (p. 73)."
"If you're lonely, you may have to force yourself to be more friendly--to be more social (p. 81)."
"What's essential for forming new relationships is curiosity. Don't judge a book by its cover. Be on the lookout for cross-generational opportunities (p. 82)."
"Meaningful connections are waiting for you in places you've underutilized or completely overlooked (p. 83)."
"If your goal is to feel a sense of belonging, then you must take steps to belong (p. 84)."
"Go out to dinner. Take a walk. Get outside. Go to the library. Go to the park. Beyond your front door is where all the people are (p. 84)."
"I had to make New York City feel smaller (p. 85)."
"Pick something that piques your interest. Your enthusiasm for the activity will drown out your nerves (p. 86)."
"Too many people boast about being tugged in multiple directions all the time. But there are several reasons why running around frantically is a bad idea (p. 87)."
"If you volunteer every Tuesday night... you will likely run into the same people again and again. A steady consistent routine can help you build relationships that matter (p. 88)."
"Resist the temptation to flutter about town--dropping cookies off here, helping with a tag sale there. Be thoughtful with your time. Try to pick one organization to devote yourself to on a regular basis. Meaningful busyness will always matter more than just being busy (p. 88)."
"The simple act of helping a neighbor can be a powerful antidote to loneliness and isolation. Start by becoming more observant... By lending a hand, you'll make new friends (p. 89)."
"If you're too self-reliant, if you're too proud, you're losing opportunities to meet people in your community and possibly forge new relationships (p. 90)."
"Houses of worship are relationship magnets! (p. 91)"
"Sug up for yoga classes, knitting circles, photography tutorials. Depending on what courses you take, you're likely to encounter neibhors who share your interests (p. 92)."
"Books are amazing. They can keep you fascinated for hours and hours. But if you're not careful, they can become one of the reasons why you're lonely (p. 93)."
"The office is where potential friends are (p. 97)."
"Working in person, while surely less convenient, should be high on your priority list (p. 97)."
"Work doesn't have to be a place tha tmakes you miserable and lonely (p. 102)."
"Attend professional development conference... Conferences aren't just for work. They are gatherings for people who are passionate about genealogy, scrapbooking, comic books, gaming, and other pastimes (p. 102)."
"Making friends in a highly curated environment eases the path to friendship (p. 103)."
"If you feel silling reaching out, keep in mind that we're all in the loneliness epidemic together (p. 105)."
"Support groups offer a concrete sense of belonging (p. 105)."
"Peer support becomes worrisome to me when it's offered in the absence of trained facilitators (p. 106)."
"I do think there are ways technology can increase our connections to others, espeically in-person connectionsm which will always be the most important (p. 108)."
"Your phone is a stepladder... Just knowing you have a 'stepladder' in your pocket will make you feel bolder and more courageous (p. 109)."
"Despite its drawbacks, your phone is the perfect device for keeping track of what's important to other people (p. 111)."
"Gift giving is an opportunity to convey thankfulness and love (p. 111)."
"I strongly defend using your phone for its old-fashioned purpose. Hearing someone's voice has the power to make you feel less lonely (p. 112)."
"When you communicate better, your relationships stand a better chance of growing even stronger (p. 113)."
"I love picking up new friends on airplanes! (p. 116)"
"When you make the decision to turn off your screen, you're better positioning yourself to make new connections (p. 117)."
"Friends take effort, but you don't need to buy them (p. 118)."
"Book a trip with a tour group or go on a guided tour of your own city (p. 122)."
"If you're feeling lonely, invite a friend to come along--a great motivator for getting outside! (p. 122)"
"Holidays provide timely opportunities for connecting with others (p. 124)."
"Call a friend who is also alone and plan to do something enjoyable together. Order in dinner. Watch a movie (p. 126)."
"March 1 is World Compliment Day. Giving compliments is yet another secret weapon in combating loneliness (p. 127)."
"You may be lonely, but it's within your power to change your circumstances (p. 131)."
"Join a Fourth of July committee. Plan the local parade or help keep the fireworks display safe (p. 131)."
"National Friendship Day is the first Sunday in August. The holiday is an outstanding reminder to express gratitude for the friends you have (p. 132)."
"Gratitude has the power to deepen relationships and make them more meaningful (p. 133)."
"National Grandparents Day is held the first Sunday after Labor Day, and it's the perfect excuse for grandchildren and grandparents to spend time together (p. 134)."
"If you're feeling lonely, you might want to just turn off the lights on October 31 and pretend you're not home. But in the spirit of deepening your connections with neighbors, I urge you to think again. Parents of young children tend to accompany their kids when they go trick-or-treating. This presents an ideal opportunity for you to show off what a fun-loving and welcoming neighbor you are! (p. 135)"
"I've always loved Thanksgiving... It binds all of us together and is inclusive of all religions (p. 136)."
"Be vulnerable (p. 136)."
"Work hard to cultivate the kinds of connections that bring happiness and meaning into your life. It CAN be done (p. 138)."
Dr. Vivek Murthy:
"I started building meaningful connections by being more intentional in my engagement with others. I was more proactive about reaching out to family and friends... I made it a point to support or help a friend when they were in need. I realized that helping others was actually good for me--it got me out of my isolated cocoon and helped me feel like I had something valuable to offer the world (p. 139)."
"Cultivating connection doesn't have to be complicated--you can start by protecting a few minutes each day to reach out to someone you care about (p. 140)."
"We all have a fundamental need for human connection. It's the common thread that binds us together (p. 144)."
November 1, 2025
Found this book while browsing my library. I wasn’t feeling particularly lonely, but I was curious to hear what a 99-year-old woman had to say about living a meaningful life. Dr. Ruth has led quite an interesting life herself, so it was inspiring to read about her life experience as a Jewish during WWII.
Overall, it’s a lovely book—short, but the kind that takes time to absorb and reflect on. I appreciated its emphasis on building quality connections rather than quantity.
Much of the advice isn’t necessarily new, but it is a thoughtful reminder of what truly matters in life and the kind of people we want to surround ourselves with.
Overall, it’s a lovely book—short, but the kind that takes time to absorb and reflect on. I appreciated its emphasis on building quality connections rather than quantity.
Much of the advice isn’t necessarily new, but it is a thoughtful reminder of what truly matters in life and the kind of people we want to surround ourselves with.
December 7, 2024
Very quick read, partly because I skimmed over quite a bit of it that either was not of interest or didn't apply to me. I have a lot of respect for her, she did a world of good for sex education and led quite a remarkable life. But she was also obviously a pretty extreme extrovert who loved people, quite opposite from me, lol. Not that I don't like people in general but I'm not one who can relate to just anyone. I'm extremely introverted with some social anxiety even in my later years.
I would much prefer a book of this sort written by someone similar to me.
I would much prefer a book of this sort written by someone similar to me.
September 13, 2024
The Joy of Connection by Dr. Ruth Westheimer is a thoughtful and insightful guide for anyone grappling with loneliness. Narrated by the author herself in the audiobook version, it offers 100 practical tips designed to help individuals form meaningful connections and combat feelings of isolation.
I came across this book through a recommendation by Adam Grant, and though I personally didn't need it at this stage of my life, I found its approach and advice valuable. Dr. Ruth's conversational tone and wisdom make the tips feel approachable and doable, and her genuine care for people's well-being comes through clearly.
While it may not resonate with everyone at all times, anyone experiencing loneliness will likely benefit from the tools and encouragement provided. Dr. Ruth offers a blend of practical, emotional, and psychological strategies to foster human connection and build fulfilling relationships. It’s a reassuring read for those seeking to improve their social and emotional well-being.
I came across this book through a recommendation by Adam Grant, and though I personally didn't need it at this stage of my life, I found its approach and advice valuable. Dr. Ruth's conversational tone and wisdom make the tips feel approachable and doable, and her genuine care for people's well-being comes through clearly.
While it may not resonate with everyone at all times, anyone experiencing loneliness will likely benefit from the tools and encouragement provided. Dr. Ruth offers a blend of practical, emotional, and psychological strategies to foster human connection and build fulfilling relationships. It’s a reassuring read for those seeking to improve their social and emotional well-being.
February 14, 2025
I found this book at a time when I didn’t necessarily feel lonely but wanted to deepen the connections already in my life and learn how to be a good friend for those around me. Dr. Ruth offers a variety of remarkably helpful tips that I didn’t know I needed. I think this book will help just about anyone, whether you are satisfied with your social circle or yearning for comfort. The world is in a loneliness epidemic, with many finding social comfort through social media, parasocial relationships, and rarely getting out there and sharing conversations with strangers. It doesn’t hurt to learn how to be a more adventurous, friendly person! Nonetheless, this book was comforting—I felt like I was chatting with an old friend. Not in a parasocial way, as I mentioned above, but Dr. Ruth’s lively spirit and words inspired and encouraged me to put myself out there. I wish it explored more of the science between connections but otherwise, this was a quick little gem of a book. In perfect time for Valentine’s Day!
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July 4, 2025Practical advice for how to build and maintain real connections in an age of increasing loneliness. While I don’t think I had any major revelations from this book, there was certainly a lot of sound advice - some of which I found interesting or helpful, some which might be more interesting or helpful to others.
What I really loved was the structure of the book (Dr. Ruth breaks connections into a “menu” - self, family, friends and lovers, community, and technology- and sections the book accordingly), as well as the light-hearted, no-nonsense but no-shame tone of the writing itself. I wasn’t really familiar with Dr. Ruth before picking this up, but the snippets of her life that I learned about throughout the book paint a portrait of an incredible woman who suffered the worst kind of loneliness as a young girl, but throughout her life made a point to always build friendships and community. What better person to learn from?
What I really loved was the structure of the book (Dr. Ruth breaks connections into a “menu” - self, family, friends and lovers, community, and technology- and sections the book accordingly), as well as the light-hearted, no-nonsense but no-shame tone of the writing itself. I wasn’t really familiar with Dr. Ruth before picking this up, but the snippets of her life that I learned about throughout the book paint a portrait of an incredible woman who suffered the worst kind of loneliness as a young girl, but throughout her life made a point to always build friendships and community. What better person to learn from?
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November 15, 2024Dr. Ruth is all most people need to hear to know exactly who we’re talking about. In The Joy of Connections: 100 Ways to Beat Loneliness and Live a Happier and More Meaningful Life, Dr. Ruth Westheimer shares her direct style of tackling the problem of loneliness. Dr. Ruth was a sensation when she started talking directly about sexual needs and fulfilment on radio and television in the 1980s. In this book, the elderly (now recently departed) Dr. Ruth shares her loneliness as a child and after the passing of her (third, lifelong) husband.
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February 4, 2025
I typically reserve 5 star ratings for exceptional books that evoke certain thoughts and emotions from me. I give this book 5 stars for what it is TRYING to do. Loneliness and the growing disconnection between people are increasing as time goes on. To expect a book that is 160 pages to solve everything is not realistic. However, Dr. Ruth, like a good friend, provides 100 different suggestions on how to reach out and form more social bonds and improve your relationships with friends and yourself. Will all of them resonate and stick? Of course not but sometimes all it takes is one. While reading this book, I felt encouraged and hopeful by Dr. Ruth's words and will definitely be sharing with others as she would have wanted.
February 11, 2025
Bite sized, but I loved how it was full of optimistic energy and very do-able ideas on how to embrace community and deepen relationships. The gist of the read is "get out of the door" because you're not going to be able to build relationships or meet new people by sitting on your couch watching TV and I loved it. I've found improvement in my own life by going out and doing random events in my community so I fully agree with the offered ideas and insights into how to reduce loneliness. It's very friendly for technology based relationships too and attempts inclusivity with mentions of how disability can impact relationship building. There's some obvious self-promo in it, but I love Dr. Ruth so much from the documentary on Hulu I watched about her that I'll allow it.
November 10, 2025
Dr. Ruth has lived a long and amazing life. Being able to learn from her vast experience is such a privilege. I was a little skeptical at first, but as I finished reading this book, I can confirm it does share up to 100 tips and tricks on how to make connections, all written in quite plain language.
I especially appreciate the "menu for connections" diagram, inspired by the healthy diet plate, on how much one should focus on connecting with family, friends and lovers, community, technology, and most importantly, oneself. With the loneliness epidemic still left unabated, this book is important reading for anyone who is serious about improving their quality of life as well as that of others.
I especially appreciate the "menu for connections" diagram, inspired by the healthy diet plate, on how much one should focus on connecting with family, friends and lovers, community, technology, and most importantly, oneself. With the loneliness epidemic still left unabated, this book is important reading for anyone who is serious about improving their quality of life as well as that of others.
April 25, 2025
Life advice on managing and strengthening relationships, curving loneliness from a 98 year old who lived. This and the conversation book I just read now has been locked and loaded to yap with anyone about anything. Strangers… look out SAMMY IS LOOSE!!
And Ruth- thank you for your knowledge, RIP queen. I want to go see Fred’s bench in Ford tryon park now.. and those flowers… beautiful.
I took many mental notes but took physical ones of the monthly reminders. For me, moving to a new city where I don’t know anyone and just starting from there. Maybe I’ll join the caving club I’ve been too anxious to join finally…….
And Ruth- thank you for your knowledge, RIP queen. I want to go see Fred’s bench in Ford tryon park now.. and those flowers… beautiful.
I took many mental notes but took physical ones of the monthly reminders. For me, moving to a new city where I don’t know anyone and just starting from there. Maybe I’ll join the caving club I’ve been too anxious to join finally…….
November 7, 2024
The famous TV sex expert squeaked out this last book with help from Allison Gilbert and Pierre Lehu before she died. It’s like listening to a friend giving advice on how to be less lonely and have more fun. She interlaces her tips with stories from her own life. Some of her advice would be hard for a shy person to follow, but a lot of it is common sense. Get out of the house, go to social events, take classes, join groups. Never miss a chance to talk to people. Start a conversation with your seatmate on the plane. Put down your phone. I’m not sure I could do all that, but it’s a fun read.
November 9, 2024
Written at age 96 in the last year of her life - a beautiful reminder that connection and relationships require intention.
My favorite story was that of her father giving her a smile (as he was taken by Nazis).
Self awareness leads to coping strategies and solutions,builds self esteem and confidence, and smooths communication with others so that you can nurture and maintain healthy relationships.
Make peace with yourself.
Love yourself first.
No one can do that emotional heavy lifting for you.
You can build walls too high.
Accept what makes you different.
My favorite story was that of her father giving her a smile (as he was taken by Nazis).
Self awareness leads to coping strategies and solutions,builds self esteem and confidence, and smooths communication with others so that you can nurture and maintain healthy relationships.
Make peace with yourself.
Love yourself first.
No one can do that emotional heavy lifting for you.
You can build walls too high.
Accept what makes you different.
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