I Can't Remember If I Cried: Rock Widows on Life, Love, and Legacy

by Lori Tucker-Sullivan

The stories of rock musicians who die young are the thing of lore and legend. Accidents, drug overdoses, plane crashes—all have taken the lives of male rock stars still in their primes. But what became of their widowed brides? How did they survive a loss so great? What is it like to have to share your grief with millions of strangers? And where are these widows today?

I Can’t Remember if I Cried is part music history, part memoir, based around interviews with rock widows conducted by Lori Tucker-Sullivan—who herself lost her husband in 2010. With each widow that Lori interviews, she learns lessons in love, forgiveness, coping, and moving on. The book is framed by the author’s own narrative to create a single thread that links the stories together to ultimately create a tale of how the author’s life is changed through her interactions with these amazing women.

Among the women profiled by Tucker-Sullivan:

Judy VanZant who, after losing husband Ronnie of Lynyrd Skynyrd, sued the re-formed band in order to protect her interests.
Sandy Chapin, widow of Harry Chapin, who has worked tirelessly to uphold Harry’s significant legacy around activism and hunger prevention.
Crystal Zevon, the ex-wife of Warren Zevon, who provides details of her abusive relationship with Warren and how she resolved her anger and grief.
Jamie Weiland, widow of Stone Temple Pilots’ Scott Weiland, speaking openly of Scott’s mental health, which at times kept him housebound for days.
Janna Leblanc, widow of Stevie Ray Vaughan, who shares the details of her visits with Stevie in rehab.

Genres: Nonfiction, Music, Biography, Memoir, Biography Memoir

251 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 11, 2024

Reviews

[*TUDOR^QUEEN* · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author channeled her experience as a widow with her love of writing and the music industry into this offering where she interviewed "rock widows". I found this a very interesting book concept, as I've always been intrigued by the women rock stars loved. Here are some of the deceased rock stars whose widows were interviewed:

Ronnie Van Zant (Lynryd Skynryd)
Dee Dee Ramone (The Ramones)
Mark Bolan (T. Rex)
Scott Weiland (Stone Temple Pilots)
Jim Croce
Stevie Ray Vaughn
George Jones
Gram Parsons (The Byrds)
Levon Helm (The Band)
Harry Chapin
Warren Zevon

Each widow got a chapter which described how they met their mate, their life together, the nature of the rock star's death, and how they dealt with the aftermath. The author also interspersed commentary on her own grief and circumstances involving her husband's death from cancer. As many other reviewers have mentioned, these sections detracted from the book because we are only interested in the deceased rock stars. I feel kind of guilty saying that, but it's true. Luckily these passages were short, and if you have no interest just skim.

Thank you to the publisher Globe Pequot / Backbeat who provided an advance reader copy via NetGalley.

[Anne Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'll begin by saying that I know the author personally and got to read a couple essays as she was working on them. However, reading them in book form, alongside the stories of these other widows, really put so much of their stories into perspective. It was interesting and not but a little disheartening to see so many patterns emerge in how the women were treated by not only their S/Os but the bandmates after their partner's death or the fans or the public that didn't know them. Lori's writing brought all of the good and all of the downsides of fame into stark relief. From the beginning, I thought the idea to write these women's stories was a good idea, but now I think it is essential. What these women went through and continue to go through is astounding. Their strength and perseverance is commendable. I will also say that I'm not a music lover. I enjoy music, of course, but it's not the touchstone for me like it was for Lori and her husband, Kevin. I had no idea who a quarter of the artist's in the book were and had only a fuzzy knowledge of the rest (like, I know I've heard some Lynrd Skynrd, but I could not have given you the name of their lead singer). However, these essays drew me in in a way I wasn't expecting, leaving me with wanting to know so much more about the music industry, the music, etc., I read the whole book in two nights because I was so arrested by their stories. I probably googled every woman and every artist mentioned just to put more images and context with what I was reading. I learned so much and, honestly, really came to feel so much for these women and their families. Though I'm a little biased in thinking Lori's writing is wonderful, I am completely unbiased in saying this book is well, well worth the time you will spend with it.

[Bunny · Rating 4 out of 5]

I keep starting this review, then stopped and leaving it unwritten. There's so much to this book to sum it up in just a few paragraphs.*

First and foremost, props to Mrs Tucker-Sullivan for drawing my attention to a line in a song I must've sung 175 times in my lifetime without ever actually paying attention to the words. This is about the widowed brides, the women who loved and lost some of rock 'n' roll's most elite. The women in the background, who dealt with addiction, with mania, with groupies, and did it with quiet dignity. And often indignity of what comes after the death of someone larger than life, beloved by fans the world around.

While grieving the loss of her own husband, and trying to find answers in the midst of grief, she interviewed women whose losses played out on a much grander scale. And she found some comfort, and answers, in the commonalities of loss.

As a huge music fan, I especially enjoyed this, as while a significant portion of these musicians died before my time, I am familiar with 90% of them, enjoy their music, and appreciate what the loss did to their fans. I can't appreciate what so many widows went through in their loss, such as the desecration of Ronnie VanZant's grave by (quite frankly) weird ass fans.

Or the absolutely and utterly horrifying story of what happened to Gram Parsons' body after his death, and what his widow had to come to terms with. That's not something anyone. ANYONE. ANY FUCKING ONE. should ever have to face when it comes to the loss of the love of their life.

That's why my grief over Gram is like a scream. It will never go away, and people don't realize that there are actual people behind these stories.

That's the part that's missing. The people behind the stories. The wives and girlfriends who got left behind when their famous partners died.

The judgement faced against them. The pain that they want to scream but have to bite back.

These are such fantastic stories, and they deserve to be heard.

*Don't look at me like that, not ALL of my reviews are tl:dr.

[Kelly · Rating 5 out of 5]

In this touching and entertaining memoir, Tucker-Sullivan, who is a friend of mine, draws from her own experience of widowhood and her love of music to tell the stories of the widows of famous rock musicians. Tucker-Sullivan’a writing is well-paced and engaging, and impressively manages to both have its own character and not get in the way of the words of her interview subjects. Each chapter is a very nice balance of historical and musical background, the widow’s story, and Tucker-Sullivan’s own connections and reflections. I was probably only familiar with about half the musicians who are mentioned here, but even for those I did not know much about going in, I’ve gained a great appreciation for both their music and their lives. The thing that struck me about this book is the sense of how unfairly many of these women have been treated by popular culture, as the fans of their husbands or lovers often seem to, at best, ignore or erase them to sometimes outright harass them. It’s a sobering look at what celebrity makes fans do, as well as a difficult but ultimately uplifting look at grief, love, how to move on after loss, and the power of both music and love to do positive things, in individual relationships and in the world at large. The author has mentioned that she has done more interviews than made it in this book, and I’d love to see more in another book or some other format sometime.

[Wendi Manning · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an interesting concept, and I enjoyed reading about these women. But, as the book goes on, I had a lot of questions. Jamie Weiland says that Scott didn’t die of an overdose, but that it was heart related. I’m a big fan of Scott and would love to see that story out in public, because that doesn’t show up anywhere but in this book.

This was well written and she spoke to some amazing women. Some of their stories are heartbreaking, some make you angry and some are inspiring. It’s a great mix of women, so many genres covered.

I also felt like the author used her experience as a widow as a way to jumpstart her career. She always wanted to be a writer and be around rock stars, her husband’s death gave her a foot in the door. Her story is interspersed throughout every interview she wrote about and it was really intrusive. It would have made an interesting foreword and epilogue, but it didn’t need to be in every interview.

I’d recommend this, but with a few caveats.

Thanks NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Vicki · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really intrigued by hearing from Rock Star Widows. I don't think they get enough positive attention and clearly, this book shows that. I can't believe all the terrible legal issues most of them went through, while navigating grief from losing their spouses/boyfriends. I liked how the author wrote about losing her husband and how she could relate to all the widows. There was a lot of rock stars I didn't know but the ones I did, there was a lot to their stories that I didn't know. Overall, it was a very enjoyable book.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

ARC for review. To be published May 21, 2024.

A short memoir of some of rock’s most famous widows, including Judy Van Zant (Ronnie), Sandy Chapin (Harry), Sandy Helm (Levon), Jamie Weiland (Scott) and Janna Leblanc (longtime girlfriend of Stevie Ray Vaughn), and others who share details of what it was like to live with and lose their husbands.

Some very interesting stories here, especially as many of these musicians lived during the days when people didn’t know how important it was to hang on to your own publishing and merchandising rights, and often others got rich at their expense. A lot of “stand by your man” attitudes here (with apologies to the woman married to George Jones,) with women who stayed in terrible relationships, choices I have a really difficult time understanding in some cases.

The author lost her husband to cancer after having been married for over twenty years, which was sad, but since he wasn’t I wasn’t sure that her discussions about it had any place in the actual finished book, though certainly they would have been appropriate for the Afterword. It seemed a little odd to have her place herself in almost every chapter, though I’m certain her experience helped her speak with the women. From some of the notes it appears that perhaps Marvin Gaye was originally going to be covered in the book, but was left out for some reason? Would really loved to have read that portion. Levon Helm seems like he was a wonderful man and he and his wife seem to have had a unique bond. Lovely. Definitely some good stuff here.

[K S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Man oh man— love, loss, music you know, rock and roll stars and the women who loved them, from their point of view. How it all started, how it all ended up. I was riveted! On the one hand, the author relates her feelings and grief with the widow’s feelings and grief, which draws you in, and gives you a commonality with them. Even if you are not a widow, the emotion and humanity of loss is something that strikes a chord. On the other hand, the lifestyles of most of these folks is almost unbelievable. I guess that is part of the reason we all want to know. Each widow’s story is separate and are joined together via the author’s experiences. It makes you want to keep reading to understand each one, and to know who, what, where, and why. I loved this book.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Lori Tucker-Sullivan is a widow, and uses her experiences as such to delve into the lives of "rock" widows. She interviews Nancy Jones, the widow of country musician George Jones; Gretchen Parsons- Carpenter, the partner of Gram Parsons, and others.
Two especially moving interviews were with Judy Van Sant (Stevie Ray), and Sandy Helm (Levon Helm. The author gives these women a voice to not only promote the musical legacy of their partner,but to explore how the women can cope with their loss and move on to accomplish their own dreams.

[Sharon Falduto · Rating 4 out of 5]

A widow herself, the author interviewed several widows of rock music icons to find out how they dealt with the deaths of their loved ones, dealing with distraught fans and tangled legal woes, and carrying on. Includes widows of people like Marc Bolan, Harry Chapin, Scott Weiland, and many more.

Also, the author mentioned Maria Elena Holly hearing about Buddy's death on the radio, a passage which I read while standing in line outside the Surf Ballroom, which has to be a pretty unique experience!

[Lisa M Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where do I start? I loved this book and found it hard to put down. I am also a widow and was attracted to this book because my husband, though not famous, was one of those larger than life characters. When you’re a part of someone’s life and then you’re not it is very difficult to pick up the pieces and carry on. I can’t imagine adding that layer of notoriety to a loss like the women endured in this book. Kudos to each and every one of them who did what she had to do to survive one of the worst things life can throw at you.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received this ARC from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

Really enjoyed this one! I knew of most of these ladies, but enjoyed hearing about their journeys through love and grief. Yes, the author does let you know some of her own grief process, but it blends in well. She can relate to the women in this book, and can understand some of what they went through. Not a spoiler, but I'm no longer a fan of Jimmie Vaughan.
Well worth reading!!

[Annarella · Rating 4 out of 5]

We read about the death of musicians we loved, we mourn them but it's one of the few times I read what their widows had to say. You read about Yoko, Iman or Courtney but the grief of the women featured in this book is moving and give us another pictures of their husbands
Recommended.
Many thanks to the publisher for this ARC, all opinions are mine

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would have assumed that the author sharing her own experiences with becoming a widow would have been really out of place, but I felt like it was really humanizing and ended up being a good framing device.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I did not love this book, which is an anthology of stories of the deaths of musicians and their wives’ grief journeys. The writing was good, and it was well-researched, but the topic just did nothing for me. Mostly, I ended up feeling sad that these artists and their partners suffered so much from abuse and addiction. But if you like stories like that, read on.

[Brenda Selner · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not certain what I expected, but this book wasn’t it. The heartache is ever present in each story and the author’s words.