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The Inner Work of Relationships: An Invitation to Heal Your Inner Child and Create a Conscious Relationship Together
This is the holy grail of relationship books! If you're looking for a book to help you heal dysfunctional relationship patterns, stop self-sabotage, and want to learn exactly how to co-create a healthy, lasting, and conscious relationship, this book is for you!
The Inner Work of Relationships will take you and your partner on a hero's journey through the heart to heal your inner-child wounds and release dysfunctional patterns. By learning how to resolve common relationship problems using the 15 themes of consciousness, couples can finally embrace a life of true freedom and lasting happiness together. Through mastering The Inner Work and adopting a conscious, spiritual approach to relationships, you and your partner will break from self-sabotage and realize your potential for co-creating a healthy love.
If you are a human and you want to be in love, this book is for you.
*This is a spiritual book that draws from many ancient wisdom traditions including Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, yoga philosophy, and more. All are welcome!
What You Will Learn:
How to recognize dysfunctional relationship patterns and how to resolve them
How to break generational cycles of toxicity and abuse in your relationships
How to be a safe partner for healing trauma
How to identify the unhealed inner child wounds of yourself and your partner
How to identify and heal your defense mechanisms that are sabotaging your relationship
How to navigate triggers and use them for transformation and healing
How to re-parent your inner child in your adult relationship
How to be accountable in relationships and healthily resolve conflicts
How to consciously communicate in non-harming and effective ways
How to identify where you are at on the ladder of consciousness and how to move on and upward
How to identify unmet needs in your relationship and create strategies that work for both partners
How to forgive, let go, and have compassion for yourself and your partner
How to co-create a healthy, conscious, and spiritual relationship
How to create relationship strategies that get both partner's needs met
How to access true freedom and happiness together
Who This Book is For:
Couples in Committed Relationships
Individuals Preparing for Healthy Relationships
Couples Already in Couples Therapy
People of All Backgrounds and Identities
Who This Book is Not For:
Individuals in Abusive Situations
Couples Pursuing Divorce or Separation
Individuals with Unmanaged Mental Health Conditions
Couples or Individuals in Active Addiction
The Inner Work of Relationships reimagines the journey of self-healing by highlighting the transformative power of intimate partnerships. It challenges the notion that we must first heal alone, suggesting instead that our deepest growth and healing occur through interactions with a partner. This book explores how relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting our hidden wounds and offering unparalleled opportunities for mutual healing. By embracing the complexities of partnership, we uncover and address past traumas together, supported by love and understanding.
Through practical insights and real-life examples, The Inner Work of Relationships guides readers on how to navigate the healing process within a relationship, emphasizing that love's challenges are not obstacles but opportunities for profound personal growth and healing. It advocates for a balanced approach to personal development, where healing is a shared journey, revealing that sometimes, the key to overcoming our deepest wounds lies in the heart of another.
The Inner Work of Relationships will take you and your partner on a hero's journey through the heart to heal your inner-child wounds and release dysfunctional patterns. By learning how to resolve common relationship problems using the 15 themes of consciousness, couples can finally embrace a life of true freedom and lasting happiness together. Through mastering The Inner Work and adopting a conscious, spiritual approach to relationships, you and your partner will break from self-sabotage and realize your potential for co-creating a healthy love.
If you are a human and you want to be in love, this book is for you.
*This is a spiritual book that draws from many ancient wisdom traditions including Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, yoga philosophy, and more. All are welcome!
What You Will Learn:
How to recognize dysfunctional relationship patterns and how to resolve them
How to break generational cycles of toxicity and abuse in your relationships
How to be a safe partner for healing trauma
How to identify the unhealed inner child wounds of yourself and your partner
How to identify and heal your defense mechanisms that are sabotaging your relationship
How to navigate triggers and use them for transformation and healing
How to re-parent your inner child in your adult relationship
How to be accountable in relationships and healthily resolve conflicts
How to consciously communicate in non-harming and effective ways
How to identify where you are at on the ladder of consciousness and how to move on and upward
How to identify unmet needs in your relationship and create strategies that work for both partners
How to forgive, let go, and have compassion for yourself and your partner
How to co-create a healthy, conscious, and spiritual relationship
How to create relationship strategies that get both partner's needs met
How to access true freedom and happiness together
Who This Book is For:
Couples in Committed Relationships
Individuals Preparing for Healthy Relationships
Couples Already in Couples Therapy
People of All Backgrounds and Identities
Who This Book is Not For:
Individuals in Abusive Situations
Couples Pursuing Divorce or Separation
Individuals with Unmanaged Mental Health Conditions
Couples or Individuals in Active Addiction
The Inner Work of Relationships reimagines the journey of self-healing by highlighting the transformative power of intimate partnerships. It challenges the notion that we must first heal alone, suggesting instead that our deepest growth and healing occur through interactions with a partner. This book explores how relationships serve as mirrors, reflecting our hidden wounds and offering unparalleled opportunities for mutual healing. By embracing the complexities of partnership, we uncover and address past traumas together, supported by love and understanding.
Through practical insights and real-life examples, The Inner Work of Relationships guides readers on how to navigate the healing process within a relationship, emphasizing that love's challenges are not obstacles but opportunities for profound personal growth and healing. It advocates for a balanced approach to personal development, where healing is a shared journey, revealing that sometimes, the key to overcoming our deepest wounds lies in the heart of another.
438 pages, Paperback
Published March 18, 2024
2092 people are currently reading
2196 people want to read
About the author
Mathew Micheletti
2 books38 followersMathew Micheletti, co-creator of the celebrated "The Yoga Couple" with his wife Ash, exemplifies a transformative journey from personal challenges to profound spiritual liberation. His powerful journey from personal turmoil to spiritual self-awareness has resonated deeply with a global audience, making him a beacon of hope and insight for those seeking profound change and healing.
Even in his early years, Mat showcased a prodigious intellect and a proclivity for the healing professions. Accelerating his academic pursuits, he graduated early from high school at 15, setting his sights on the medical realm. By 20, he had completed his medical school prerequisites and earned a bachelor's degree in Psychology. His insatiable curiosity about the human psyche led him to working for a year in inpatient psychiatry at a distinguished Utah hospital before enrolling in naturopathic medical school in Arizona.
Subsequently, during his time in medical school, destiny introduced him to three individuals who would redefine his life's direction: a Yogi, a former Buddhist monk, and a devout Hindu. Their influence unveiled the profound depths of Eastern philosophies, particularly mindfulness and Self-Realization.
While the holistic wisdom of naturopathic medicine was profoundly impactful, Mat felt an inner calling to delve deeper into the realms of consciousness and power of the mind. Enrolling in a master's program in Santa Barbara, he immersed himself in Jungian depth psychology and counseling. However, he still felt unsatisfied with the limited attention academics gave to understanding consciousness and its role in transformational healing and freedom from suffering. This realization steered Mat towards a 10-year full immersion into the groundbreaking research on consciousness and enlightenment by Dr. Hawkins, M.D, PH.D.
Consequently, Mat's trailblazing “Hero’s Journey” holistic counseling program was born—a novel therapeutic approach deeply rooted in consciousness and spiritual enlightenment. With authenticity derived from his personal trials and extensive studies spanning over 17 years, he guides individuals and couples globally, utilizing 'The Inner Work' for holistic, spiritually-infused healing.
Engaging with Mat's writings or teachings transcends traditional learning. It's a profound journey facilitated by someone who's navigated the darkness and shadows of life, emerging back to the light with invaluable insights rooted in personal experience and transformation of consciousness. He stands not just as a teacher, but as a living testament to the transformative power of introspection and self-discovery.
In collaboration with his wife, Mat has graced renowned yoga venues and festivals across the U.S., disseminating teachings enriched by his diverse background and experiential wisdom. As "The Yoga Couple", their online content resonates with over 1.5 million followers, providing a treasure trove of content encompassing personal healing, relationship guidance, yogic philosophies, and spiritual enlightenment.
To learn more, join upcoming retreats, attend events, or enroll in their yoga teacher training visit theyogacouple.com
Instagram: @theyogacouple
Tiktok: @theyogacouple
Facebook: @theyogacouple
Youtube: youtube.com/theyogacouple
Even in his early years, Mat showcased a prodigious intellect and a proclivity for the healing professions. Accelerating his academic pursuits, he graduated early from high school at 15, setting his sights on the medical realm. By 20, he had completed his medical school prerequisites and earned a bachelor's degree in Psychology. His insatiable curiosity about the human psyche led him to working for a year in inpatient psychiatry at a distinguished Utah hospital before enrolling in naturopathic medical school in Arizona.
Subsequently, during his time in medical school, destiny introduced him to three individuals who would redefine his life's direction: a Yogi, a former Buddhist monk, and a devout Hindu. Their influence unveiled the profound depths of Eastern philosophies, particularly mindfulness and Self-Realization.
While the holistic wisdom of naturopathic medicine was profoundly impactful, Mat felt an inner calling to delve deeper into the realms of consciousness and power of the mind. Enrolling in a master's program in Santa Barbara, he immersed himself in Jungian depth psychology and counseling. However, he still felt unsatisfied with the limited attention academics gave to understanding consciousness and its role in transformational healing and freedom from suffering. This realization steered Mat towards a 10-year full immersion into the groundbreaking research on consciousness and enlightenment by Dr. Hawkins, M.D, PH.D.
Consequently, Mat's trailblazing “Hero’s Journey” holistic counseling program was born—a novel therapeutic approach deeply rooted in consciousness and spiritual enlightenment. With authenticity derived from his personal trials and extensive studies spanning over 17 years, he guides individuals and couples globally, utilizing 'The Inner Work' for holistic, spiritually-infused healing.
Engaging with Mat's writings or teachings transcends traditional learning. It's a profound journey facilitated by someone who's navigated the darkness and shadows of life, emerging back to the light with invaluable insights rooted in personal experience and transformation of consciousness. He stands not just as a teacher, but as a living testament to the transformative power of introspection and self-discovery.
In collaboration with his wife, Mat has graced renowned yoga venues and festivals across the U.S., disseminating teachings enriched by his diverse background and experiential wisdom. As "The Yoga Couple", their online content resonates with over 1.5 million followers, providing a treasure trove of content encompassing personal healing, relationship guidance, yogic philosophies, and spiritual enlightenment.
To learn more, join upcoming retreats, attend events, or enroll in their yoga teacher training visit theyogacouple.com
Instagram: @theyogacouple
Tiktok: @theyogacouple
Facebook: @theyogacouple
Youtube: youtube.com/theyogacouple
Ratings & Reviews
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Displaying 1 - 17 of 17 reviews
April 26, 2024
As a therapist, this book is my first recommendation for clients struggling in their romantic relationships!
Read
August 21, 2025Loaned and recommended to me by Shanell.
'Witnessing a parent's infidelity may instil scepticism toward love and commitment. This scepticism can manifest in two ways: an outright rejection of love and commitment, fearing the pain of betrayal, or, within a committed relationship, an ongoing paranoia about a partner's fidelity. This fear might even drive us to cheat first as a way to pre-emptively manage the anticipated betrayal, maintaining a sense of control over situation we've come to view as inevitable." p.41
"Observing a lack of emotional intimacy and affection between our parents might lead us to believe that all long-term relationships will eventually become dull and devoid of passion. This belief could result in either a reluctance to engage in long-term relationships or a tendency to gradually cease pursuing intimacy within a long-term relationship, assuming that the decline of passion is an unavoidable part of commitment." p.42
"To love someone is to attend a thousand births of the person they are becoming." p.64
"I feel you pull away, and suddenly, I'm thirteen, unlovable and unworthy, that's what I'll always be. Rejection is all I know. Shame became my home. But if I reject you first, I won't have to hear your "no". p.82
"...Our belief that we are inherently unlovable or unworthy of commitment becomes deeply ingrained, making it difficult for us to fully accept and internalize expressions of love and care from a healthy partner or compels us to abandon ourselves in order to receive crumbs of affection from unhealthy partners." p.85
"...To cope with our fears of abandonment, we unintentionally provoke dysfunction, sow seeds of chaos, and cause hurt within our relationships. This unconscious behaviour pushes our partner to their breaking point, eventually leading them to give up. In doing so, we can assert, "See, I knew you didn't love me I knew you would reject me." We seek confirmation of our unworthiness by compelling our partner to reject us, ultimately striving to prove our shame of abandonment right." p.85
"To help someone who is coping with the wound of rejection heal, the most important thing they need is to feel loved, innocent, and accepted even though they have been through trauma and have been acting out of their trauma and creating turmoil in their life to prove they should be rejected. The more intense the trauma, the more they will tend to lash out and the more love and reassurance they need." p.101
"Should and should Not: One partner often grapples with internal judgments. One evening, their significant other suggests skipping a social gathering with friends, ana event they've already committed to attending. Even though both partners agree that they don't want to go, the undercompensating partner feels a strong sense of guilt, believing they "should" be a better friend. Instead of being honest about their feelings, they insist on attending, dragging their partner along reluctantly. The situation exacerbates their guilt and judgment wounds as they both force themselves to interact. This inauthenticity leads to a heated argument in the car, both on the way to the event and back home." p.116
"Unlike judgment-laden consequences and added punishment, natural consequences are devoid of moral or judgmental dimensions - they simply exist and are non-personal. Like a child touching a hot stove naturally learns the consequences of heat on their skin but doesn't internalize the guilt of making a mistake. There is no need for extra criticism or condemnation or additional punishment, such as spanking or yelling, "Bad boy, why did you touch that?" Natural consequences serve as neutral teacher, devoid of condemnation or added criticism to our character or intelligence." p.118
"Distinguishing the difference between blaming someone and identifying what objectively happened in a situation is crucial in creating a relationship free of judgment. Blame often comes from a place of accusation and can make the other person defensive, hindering focuses on the facts and feelings involved, allowing for a more empathetic and understanding approach." p.121
"...This pattern is driven by seeking to avoid judgment, self-criticism, or internalized shame, often stemming from childhood traumas that equate vulnerability with weakness. Because of this, we tend to have a Type A personality and insist on managing everything ourselves. This habit leads to exhaustion for both ourselves and our partner, who may be willing but not permitted to help." p.130
"... Instead of feeling loved and wanting to appreciate us, our partner may experience guilt, perceiving themselves as the cause of our constant self-sacrifice." p.131
"The paradox we are faced with is that our intense attachment to our partner and fear of losing them is precisely what tends to drive them away. The fixation on avoiding loss ironically often leads to the very loss we fear." p. 151
"We project ourselves from the discomforts of regret and loss by adopting an appearance of emotional imperviousness, convincing ourselves we haven't truly lost anything." p. 156
"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal. - C.S. Lewis" p.162
"Nothing is owed to us, and every new moment is a gift. Loss and grief serve as reminders of the importance of presence, gratitude, humility, and love in our lives." p. 164
"I've had a lot of worries in my life. Most of which never happened." - Mark Twain" p.174
"In communication, we tend to adopt a passive approach, often resorting to humour or indirect hints to express our true desires. However, we quickly retract these expressions, dismissing them as mere jokes. This ambiguity leaves our partner in a constant state of uncertainty as they struggle to discern our true wants and needs." p.206
"Downplaying personal achievements: When the undercompensating partner achieves something noteworthy, like a promotion or personal success, they downplay it's significance. They might avoid celebrating or sharing the news, reflecting their belief that they don't deserve recognition or success. Their partner feels disappointed and frustrated, unable to understand why they don't acknowledge their own worth." p.208
"... We all thrive when each person is encouraged to express their highest selves and contribute positively to the collective tapestry of humanity." p.210
"We tend to overtly express our frustrations with life in general through actions such as huffing, cursing, mumbling loudly or forcefully handling objects. Our behaviour often signal a desire for our partner to recognize and show respect for the difficulties we are handling, with the underlying hope that this acknowledgement will cast us in a light of strength and empowerment for managing life's hardships." p.224
"The overcompensating partner returns home from work, seething with frustration. The front door slams shut with a bang that echoes through the house. They storm into the kitchen, slamming cabinets and muttering curses under their breath. Each grunt and harsh movement is a clear broadcast of their anger, filling the home with tension. Their partner, sitting in the living room, feels a wave of unease wash over them. The air becomes thick with discomfort as they quietly wonder what might have triggered this outburst. They feel on edge, not knowing whether to approach and offer comfort or keep their distance to avoid beoming the target of their anger." p.225
"A hallmark of this internal tension is passive-aggressiveness, where cutting remarks are directed at things we actually desire or care about but feel too insecure to openly ask for. This defence mechanism crates psychological warfare within the relationship, where covert emotional tactics are used in the hope that our partner will intuitively understand and fulfil our unspoken needs or desires. When expectations are not met, we may resort to tension, coldness or bitterness, yet refrain from directly stating our needs." p.228
"Furthermore, it's crucial to acknowledge that despite our most honourable and compassionate actions, some individuals may never offer us the respect we seek. In these instances, it becomes vital to rely on our own healthy sense of pride and dignity, standing firm in our values and beliefs without seeking external validation." p.233
"... For instance, if we value intelligence or physical appearance, we typically revel in praising these aspects in each other during the early "Falling in love" phase, which is essentially an infatuation with the best versions of ourselves." p.240
"For partners who undercompensate, their critical or dismissive behaviour towards others often mirrors their own internal insecurities. They may project an air of indifference or cynicism as a defence mechanism against their insecurities." p.259
"There is no greater devotion and appreciation for each other than to see the reflection of the Divine in the other, feeling as if our partner is a Divine gift, here to remind us of the depths of love we are capable of experiencing." p. 378
"For those of us who have experienced divorce or breakups after feeling this connection, it's important to recognize that our partner may have served a perfect role in our lives for only a specific period. There can be numerous reasons why our relationship might not be meant to last a lifetime, and it often becomes apparent to us later on. This, however, doesn't lessen the love that was experienced or felt; it merely means the relationship served its purpose and was meant to end. We can leave such relationships enriched with invaluable lessons and growth, which we now carry forward into our future." p.384
"Raising a family within the theme of love represents a significant level of influence, as it breaks the cycle of generational wounded patterns. This shift is monumental in its world-changing potential. When we consider the actions and interactions our children will have throughout their lives, free from harmful patterns that would have perpetuated a cycle of hurt, the impact is ruly unfathomable. By nurturing a family in an environment of love, our relationship initiates a wave of positive influence, transforming the adage of hurt people hurting people' into a new narrative of 'healed people healing people."
"We deeply value gratitude, beauty, tranquillity, reverence, spiritual awareness, wisdom, service, generosity, and our role in the larger tapestry of life. We find deep meaning and joy in our contributions to the grand symphony of existence, which in turn fuels our endless passion and gratitude for life. For us, life is abundant with opportunities to love, inspire, and uplift both ourselves and others." p.387
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
लोकाः समस्ताः सुखिनो भवन्तु
"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all."
'Witnessing a parent's infidelity may instil scepticism toward love and commitment. This scepticism can manifest in two ways: an outright rejection of love and commitment, fearing the pain of betrayal, or, within a committed relationship, an ongoing paranoia about a partner's fidelity. This fear might even drive us to cheat first as a way to pre-emptively manage the anticipated betrayal, maintaining a sense of control over situation we've come to view as inevitable." p.41
"Observing a lack of emotional intimacy and affection between our parents might lead us to believe that all long-term relationships will eventually become dull and devoid of passion. This belief could result in either a reluctance to engage in long-term relationships or a tendency to gradually cease pursuing intimacy within a long-term relationship, assuming that the decline of passion is an unavoidable part of commitment." p.42
"To love someone is to attend a thousand births of the person they are becoming." p.64
"I feel you pull away, and suddenly, I'm thirteen, unlovable and unworthy, that's what I'll always be. Rejection is all I know. Shame became my home. But if I reject you first, I won't have to hear your "no". p.82
"...Our belief that we are inherently unlovable or unworthy of commitment becomes deeply ingrained, making it difficult for us to fully accept and internalize expressions of love and care from a healthy partner or compels us to abandon ourselves in order to receive crumbs of affection from unhealthy partners." p.85
"...To cope with our fears of abandonment, we unintentionally provoke dysfunction, sow seeds of chaos, and cause hurt within our relationships. This unconscious behaviour pushes our partner to their breaking point, eventually leading them to give up. In doing so, we can assert, "See, I knew you didn't love me I knew you would reject me." We seek confirmation of our unworthiness by compelling our partner to reject us, ultimately striving to prove our shame of abandonment right." p.85
"To help someone who is coping with the wound of rejection heal, the most important thing they need is to feel loved, innocent, and accepted even though they have been through trauma and have been acting out of their trauma and creating turmoil in their life to prove they should be rejected. The more intense the trauma, the more they will tend to lash out and the more love and reassurance they need." p.101
"Should and should Not: One partner often grapples with internal judgments. One evening, their significant other suggests skipping a social gathering with friends, ana event they've already committed to attending. Even though both partners agree that they don't want to go, the undercompensating partner feels a strong sense of guilt, believing they "should" be a better friend. Instead of being honest about their feelings, they insist on attending, dragging their partner along reluctantly. The situation exacerbates their guilt and judgment wounds as they both force themselves to interact. This inauthenticity leads to a heated argument in the car, both on the way to the event and back home." p.116
"Unlike judgment-laden consequences and added punishment, natural consequences are devoid of moral or judgmental dimensions - they simply exist and are non-personal. Like a child touching a hot stove naturally learns the consequences of heat on their skin but doesn't internalize the guilt of making a mistake. There is no need for extra criticism or condemnation or additional punishment, such as spanking or yelling, "Bad boy, why did you touch that?" Natural consequences serve as neutral teacher, devoid of condemnation or added criticism to our character or intelligence." p.118
"Distinguishing the difference between blaming someone and identifying what objectively happened in a situation is crucial in creating a relationship free of judgment. Blame often comes from a place of accusation and can make the other person defensive, hindering focuses on the facts and feelings involved, allowing for a more empathetic and understanding approach." p.121
"...This pattern is driven by seeking to avoid judgment, self-criticism, or internalized shame, often stemming from childhood traumas that equate vulnerability with weakness. Because of this, we tend to have a Type A personality and insist on managing everything ourselves. This habit leads to exhaustion for both ourselves and our partner, who may be willing but not permitted to help." p.130
"... Instead of feeling loved and wanting to appreciate us, our partner may experience guilt, perceiving themselves as the cause of our constant self-sacrifice." p.131
"The paradox we are faced with is that our intense attachment to our partner and fear of losing them is precisely what tends to drive them away. The fixation on avoiding loss ironically often leads to the very loss we fear." p. 151
"We project ourselves from the discomforts of regret and loss by adopting an appearance of emotional imperviousness, convincing ourselves we haven't truly lost anything." p. 156
"The pain I feel now is the happiness I had before. That's the deal. - C.S. Lewis" p.162
"Nothing is owed to us, and every new moment is a gift. Loss and grief serve as reminders of the importance of presence, gratitude, humility, and love in our lives." p. 164
"I've had a lot of worries in my life. Most of which never happened." - Mark Twain" p.174
"In communication, we tend to adopt a passive approach, often resorting to humour or indirect hints to express our true desires. However, we quickly retract these expressions, dismissing them as mere jokes. This ambiguity leaves our partner in a constant state of uncertainty as they struggle to discern our true wants and needs." p.206
"Downplaying personal achievements: When the undercompensating partner achieves something noteworthy, like a promotion or personal success, they downplay it's significance. They might avoid celebrating or sharing the news, reflecting their belief that they don't deserve recognition or success. Their partner feels disappointed and frustrated, unable to understand why they don't acknowledge their own worth." p.208
"... We all thrive when each person is encouraged to express their highest selves and contribute positively to the collective tapestry of humanity." p.210
"We tend to overtly express our frustrations with life in general through actions such as huffing, cursing, mumbling loudly or forcefully handling objects. Our behaviour often signal a desire for our partner to recognize and show respect for the difficulties we are handling, with the underlying hope that this acknowledgement will cast us in a light of strength and empowerment for managing life's hardships." p.224
"The overcompensating partner returns home from work, seething with frustration. The front door slams shut with a bang that echoes through the house. They storm into the kitchen, slamming cabinets and muttering curses under their breath. Each grunt and harsh movement is a clear broadcast of their anger, filling the home with tension. Their partner, sitting in the living room, feels a wave of unease wash over them. The air becomes thick with discomfort as they quietly wonder what might have triggered this outburst. They feel on edge, not knowing whether to approach and offer comfort or keep their distance to avoid beoming the target of their anger." p.225
"A hallmark of this internal tension is passive-aggressiveness, where cutting remarks are directed at things we actually desire or care about but feel too insecure to openly ask for. This defence mechanism crates psychological warfare within the relationship, where covert emotional tactics are used in the hope that our partner will intuitively understand and fulfil our unspoken needs or desires. When expectations are not met, we may resort to tension, coldness or bitterness, yet refrain from directly stating our needs." p.228
"Furthermore, it's crucial to acknowledge that despite our most honourable and compassionate actions, some individuals may never offer us the respect we seek. In these instances, it becomes vital to rely on our own healthy sense of pride and dignity, standing firm in our values and beliefs without seeking external validation." p.233
"... For instance, if we value intelligence or physical appearance, we typically revel in praising these aspects in each other during the early "Falling in love" phase, which is essentially an infatuation with the best versions of ourselves." p.240
"For partners who undercompensate, their critical or dismissive behaviour towards others often mirrors their own internal insecurities. They may project an air of indifference or cynicism as a defence mechanism against their insecurities." p.259
"There is no greater devotion and appreciation for each other than to see the reflection of the Divine in the other, feeling as if our partner is a Divine gift, here to remind us of the depths of love we are capable of experiencing." p. 378
"For those of us who have experienced divorce or breakups after feeling this connection, it's important to recognize that our partner may have served a perfect role in our lives for only a specific period. There can be numerous reasons why our relationship might not be meant to last a lifetime, and it often becomes apparent to us later on. This, however, doesn't lessen the love that was experienced or felt; it merely means the relationship served its purpose and was meant to end. We can leave such relationships enriched with invaluable lessons and growth, which we now carry forward into our future." p.384
"Raising a family within the theme of love represents a significant level of influence, as it breaks the cycle of generational wounded patterns. This shift is monumental in its world-changing potential. When we consider the actions and interactions our children will have throughout their lives, free from harmful patterns that would have perpetuated a cycle of hurt, the impact is ruly unfathomable. By nurturing a family in an environment of love, our relationship initiates a wave of positive influence, transforming the adage of hurt people hurting people' into a new narrative of 'healed people healing people."
"We deeply value gratitude, beauty, tranquillity, reverence, spiritual awareness, wisdom, service, generosity, and our role in the larger tapestry of life. We find deep meaning and joy in our contributions to the grand symphony of existence, which in turn fuels our endless passion and gratitude for life. For us, life is abundant with opportunities to love, inspire, and uplift both ourselves and others." p.387
Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu
लोकाः समस्ताः सुखिनो भवन्तु
"May all beings everywhere be happy and free, and may the thoughts, words, and actions of my own life contribute in some way to that happiness and to that freedom for all."
June 8, 2024
Excellent. Excellent. Excellent. If you and your partner are missing each other in terms of communication, you both need to read this together to understand each other. If you come from different backgrounds, read this book. If you struggle with trauma, read this book. If you’re a perfectionist, read this book. If you both parent differently, read this book. Understanding the foundation of who we are and how it has shaped us thus far can unknowingly have us communicate in ways we could improve as a couple.
January 11, 2025
I think this is a book everyone should have! It's full of wisdom and it's enlightening! It'll put words to those yucky feelings/ behaviors that you can't explain and help you find ways to acknowledge and manage them with reflection questions! If you're thinking about it, you should!
June 15, 2025
This book reminds us to become more conscious of our relationship. While it offers some insightful perspectives, I didn’t find it particularly practical if you're looking to deeply explore or resolve specific issues in your relationship. That said, I did gain one helpful tool from it: the idea of recording my spectrum of consciousness.
The practice involves rating certain emotional states using a scale from 0 to 4:
0 = Never
1 = Rarely
2 = Sometimes
3 = Often
4 = Consistently
Here are the states:
Rejection
Loss
Distrust
Violation: your boundaries, your values, disrespectful...
Ease: when you get too relaxed and forget your responsibilities
Overwhelm
Inadequacy
Insecurity
Judgement
Self-Motivation
Understanding
Freedom & Happiness
Love & Inner Peace
Acceptance
Accountability
Even though the book wasn't entirely practical for my needs, this one takeaway has been quite valuable. I even discussed it with my boyfriend, and it led us to a deep, meaningful conversation between us.
The practice involves rating certain emotional states using a scale from 0 to 4:
0 = Never
1 = Rarely
2 = Sometimes
3 = Often
4 = Consistently
Here are the states:
Rejection
Loss
Distrust
Violation: your boundaries, your values, disrespectful...
Ease: when you get too relaxed and forget your responsibilities
Overwhelm
Inadequacy
Insecurity
Judgement
Self-Motivation
Understanding
Freedom & Happiness
Love & Inner Peace
Acceptance
Accountability
Even though the book wasn't entirely practical for my needs, this one takeaway has been quite valuable. I even discussed it with my boyfriend, and it led us to a deep, meaningful conversation between us.
March 25, 2024
Hi Mat and Ash…
I’m on page 88 of you new book And it’s just such a relief to feel hope again in my Marrige for the first time in 7 years. You first book led me to an amazing spiritual awakening and now I feel this one Is literally going to save my marriage. From the bottom of my heart….Thankyou 💕
I’m on page 88 of you new book And it’s just such a relief to feel hope again in my Marrige for the first time in 7 years. You first book led me to an amazing spiritual awakening and now I feel this one Is literally going to save my marriage. From the bottom of my heart….Thankyou 💕
November 21, 2024
I highly recommend this book to couples or anyone who wants to someday have a healthy relationship. Great way to understand why we act and react certain ways. How to heal and grow together. Questions and exercises that allow you to deepen your connection and have good conversations together. I feel like I understand myself more than I did before reading this.
June 18, 2025
pick it up and do the work. we all have blindspots, so if you don't find it too helpful, I recommend looking MORE inward or using it as inspiration to learn more about certain topics/how you can be even better. I will say a lot may not make sense or be very challenging if you haven't addressed your personal growth, needs, standards, wants first. but there's always time.
May 20, 2024
This book is a wonderful reminder on how to return to your true self. It gives very practical tools to doing so within a relationship. Thank you Mat and Ash for this incredible reference guide and companion in navigating both the light and dark, pleasure and pain, in relationship.
March 12, 2025
Wish I had read this book in high school. This book gives you the tools and exercises to set you up for success in a relationship. There is much introspection and brings awareness to your partner’s journey as well.
May 3, 2024
When and how will I be able to read this please asap
May 24, 2024
This book is a MUST READ! It is so well written. This definitely became one of my favorite books!
June 15, 2024
This is a great book to begin understanding how you enter relationships, romantic or otherwise. Some trauma may not even register to you until you read the wound that’s relevant.
July 23, 2024
Some really great concepts. A really long read. Sometimes felt repetitive. But overall made me hopeful to find someone with the mindset around growth as me
August 24, 2024
They claimed a lot of this was written by ChatGPT but the authors took credit as it was their own.
I truly think there should be a disclaimer.
I truly think there should be a disclaimer.
June 5, 2024
While it does bring good insights into the unhealthy traits in relationships and ways to cope and heal from them, this piece is blatantly fluffed up for page count. Many sections are simply reworded copies elsewhere. Also has an ample use of vagueness and buzzwords to give the illusion of depth. While a resourceful tool, certainly better ones out there.
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