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Looking After Your Autistic Self: A Personalised Self-Care Approach to Managing Your Sensory and Emotional Well-Being
'I no longer try to mask my autism; I now work to support my autism'
It is a myth that autistic children grow into 'less autistic' adults. In fact, many autistic adults feel more overwhelmed as they age as the stresses of social demands such as relationships, parenting, or the work environment increase.
Niamh Garvey offers tips and tricks designed to reduce sensory and emotional stress and look after your autistic self. From understanding what's happening when the stress response kicks in to using the 'detective habit' to spot your individual strengths and triggers. What's more, every element of this book can be personalised to you.
Featuring strategies including 'quick calm plans' for managing triggers and lived-experience advice on understanding emotional regulation, coping with sensory overload and how to look after your senses during intimacy, this guide is here to ensure that you don't just survive adulthood, you thrive in it.
It is a myth that autistic children grow into 'less autistic' adults. In fact, many autistic adults feel more overwhelmed as they age as the stresses of social demands such as relationships, parenting, or the work environment increase.
Niamh Garvey offers tips and tricks designed to reduce sensory and emotional stress and look after your autistic self. From understanding what's happening when the stress response kicks in to using the 'detective habit' to spot your individual strengths and triggers. What's more, every element of this book can be personalised to you.
Featuring strategies including 'quick calm plans' for managing triggers and lived-experience advice on understanding emotional regulation, coping with sensory overload and how to look after your senses during intimacy, this guide is here to ensure that you don't just survive adulthood, you thrive in it.
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First published March 21, 2023
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 57 reviews
July 9, 2023
This book has a lot of practicable information you can return to. I underlined a lot of parts and folded a lot of page corners. I especially liked the parts about managing sensory regulation that goes beyond the typical five senses.
Sometimes, though, it had a strangely preachy tone that actually made me feel more anxious and inadequate. Like encouraging readers to get therapy if they have trouble recognising their own emotions because "every single day of your life matters". Maybe this was meant to be affirming, but to me it came off as toxic positivity. Some days just suck behind your control and making every day count is unrealistic.
Also, contrary to popular opinion, therapy isn't helpful for everyone… and finding a therapist who understands the unique challenges of autism can be very difficult. I also didn't appreciate the uncritical recommendation of CBT, when there have been numerous discussions about how it may not be as effective, or could even be harmful, for autistic people. At the very least, the approach must be adapted to them, which again leads back to the obstacles blocking access to autism-affirming therapists.
The biggest thing that I'm disappointed the editors didn't catch, though, was how at three separate points the author talked about danger of "obesity" (use of that word is already problematic, with the stigma also harming children) and its associated health problems. In one of those instances, she then mentions a risk of becoming underweight, but doesn't treat this with the same concern.
It's so jarring to see this because not only can fatphobia kill, but it's so intertwined with ableism! The statistic that 20-30% of people with eating disorders are on the autism spectrum even gets mentioned later on in the book, so I'm baffled as to why the connection was not made. You cannot judge someone's health from their size! How often does it have to be said?
Why does this book make so little acknowledgment of systemic mistreatment in the medical world?
Well, in a way, the book is built on a certain amount of privilege. The author is white. She regularly gives anecdotes that involve, for example, a supportive husband, a home big enough that she can hide in another room from her three children when she needs to, and in-laws who own a seaside holiday cottage for when she needs to get away. She also can buy things like scented soaps just to keep in her bag to smell when overwhelmed.
I'm glad she has these things that make life a bit easier. But not everyone does, and writing a book — about autism! — that narrows in on your own world just marginalises less privileged autistic people even more. I do not expect the author to write about experiences she hasn't had, but I do expect much better quality control from a publisher that specialises in books about autism.
So overall, I can recommend this book for its tips. But be prepared for a non-intersectional perspective that weirdly puts pressure on the individual to stand up against societal problems, without really identifying these in the first place.
Sometimes, though, it had a strangely preachy tone that actually made me feel more anxious and inadequate. Like encouraging readers to get therapy if they have trouble recognising their own emotions because "every single day of your life matters". Maybe this was meant to be affirming, but to me it came off as toxic positivity. Some days just suck behind your control and making every day count is unrealistic.
Also, contrary to popular opinion, therapy isn't helpful for everyone… and finding a therapist who understands the unique challenges of autism can be very difficult. I also didn't appreciate the uncritical recommendation of CBT, when there have been numerous discussions about how it may not be as effective, or could even be harmful, for autistic people. At the very least, the approach must be adapted to them, which again leads back to the obstacles blocking access to autism-affirming therapists.
The biggest thing that I'm disappointed the editors didn't catch, though, was how at three separate points the author talked about danger of "obesity" (use of that word is already problematic, with the stigma also harming children) and its associated health problems. In one of those instances, she then mentions a risk of becoming underweight, but doesn't treat this with the same concern.
It's so jarring to see this because not only can fatphobia kill, but it's so intertwined with ableism! The statistic that 20-30% of people with eating disorders are on the autism spectrum even gets mentioned later on in the book, so I'm baffled as to why the connection was not made. You cannot judge someone's health from their size! How often does it have to be said?
Why does this book make so little acknowledgment of systemic mistreatment in the medical world?
Well, in a way, the book is built on a certain amount of privilege. The author is white. She regularly gives anecdotes that involve, for example, a supportive husband, a home big enough that she can hide in another room from her three children when she needs to, and in-laws who own a seaside holiday cottage for when she needs to get away. She also can buy things like scented soaps just to keep in her bag to smell when overwhelmed.
I'm glad she has these things that make life a bit easier. But not everyone does, and writing a book — about autism! — that narrows in on your own world just marginalises less privileged autistic people even more. I do not expect the author to write about experiences she hasn't had, but I do expect much better quality control from a publisher that specialises in books about autism.
So overall, I can recommend this book for its tips. But be prepared for a non-intersectional perspective that weirdly puts pressure on the individual to stand up against societal problems, without really identifying these in the first place.
March 30, 2024
4.5/5
I picked up this book because I’ve in/teetering at the edge of autistic burnout for about a year and a half. I keep running out of energy halfway through the week, or feeling like I can either finish my work or have any kind of outside social life, but not both. More worryingly, when this gets particularly bad I have flare-ups of “symptoms” like not being able to even fake eye contact, feeling like talking requires dragging words up out of the depths of the earth, or not being able to tolerate the sensory environment of the grocery store (which I normally like bc food is a special interest, but which over the past few weeks felt way too bright, loud, and scented for comfort). Not feeling alone in all that was perhaps the most immediate benefit of reading this book!
Garvey’s particular autistic experience seems to be pretty close to mine, so when she talked about things like sensory issues getting worse with adult stress to the point of struggling with going to the store, or, conversely, the joy that comes from experiencing nature intensely, I certainly felt very seen! Other things – like her intense special interest in Jane Austen novels – I don’t share, but I have parallels to. Those whose autism manifests differently might have fewer of those “haha, twinsies!” moments, but she does point out repeatedly that there are a wide range of experiences within the autism spectrum.
Some reviews have pointed out that it felt like this advice was coming from quite a privileged position. I felt that a little too when reading the example schedule…which nowhere said “go to work” on it! Garvey had to give up her nursing career due to chronic illness and the pressures of being an autistic mom – and was able to do so, presumably, due to having a husband who makes decent money - so this schedule 100% makes sense for her as she transitions into being an author…but it might have been nice/more relatable to ask a few other autistic people to contribute their sample schedules. However, I think that going through the exercise of considering how the topic of each chapter may apply to your life can be helpful even if you aren’t in a position to make all the changes or ask for all the accommodations you might ideally want right at the moment.
For example, after that moment of irritation with the schedule, I went through the preceding exercise of the PERMA model of well-being, identifying activities that contribute to Positive emotion, Engagement (eg that get one into a flow state), Relationships, Meaning, and a sense of Accomplishment. Because I love lists and categories, I did this for all my typical work and personal activities (color coded purple and green, respectively), and also scored them for whether they fulfilled a basic need (food, hydration, hygiene, etc.) and if they were a positive or negative with regard to sensory/social stresses vs. regulation. Reassuringly, a couple of key work tasks showed up in the most-benefits category – fieldwork (P,E,R,M,A, +/- SR), which gets me out in nature answering research questions and getting to know my student team on a more personal level, and teaching (~P,E,R,M,A, sometimes -SR), which lets me talk about my favorite subjects – as was my hobby of fiction writing (P,E,M,A,+SR). By contrast, some of the tasks strongly associated with my recent burnout were at the bottom with the most cost relative to benefits, including organizing and chairing graduate group meetings (~R, -SR), administering fellowship distributions (M, -SR), and organizing work social events (R,M,-SR). That confirmed my instinct that, once my term as graduate program chair is over, I should not sign up for similar roles again…but some other “service” roles might be substituted, such as “leading a research-promoting initiative”, “leading a work diversity initiative”, or “organizing a seminar" (all R, M, A, -SR).
So that was certainly helpful! I also think that the sections on understanding proprioception (position of your body in space) and interoception (your internal physical and emotional sensations), placed before the chapter on the “famous” 5 senses, were quite interesting and useful. And the 5 steps in the “getting comfortable with uncomfortable emotions” chapter are very similar to the system my dad ended up semi-accidentally teaching me when I was a kid as he tried to understand my crying meltdowns. Those steps are 1) name the emotion, 2) scan the body to identify the physical sensations (this is actually step 1 for me), 3) identifying the cause of the emotion, and 4) coming up with a plan for how to handle it.
I’d also add between 3 and 4: “Is this a reasonable response?” Take care not to gas-light yourself with that one, but I DO think it is an important step! As an example, if #3 is “someone was deliberately cruel to me or someone else”, then anger is 100% a rational response! However if #3 is “the waiter said the kitchen was out of the dish I wanted”, then disappointment is reasonable, but anger, especially if turned on the messenger, is not and one should try to recognize that and dial it back! Likewise, if you are rejection-sensitive (as many of us who were bullied at school are) then it might be easy to jump to the conclusion that a friend or colleague is turning down a lunch invitation because they hate you, and feel hurt and want to avoid talking to them...but step 3.5 can remind you to go: "Wait. They are also a busy adult. They seemed to enjoy themselves the last time we hung out. Probably they really did just have another engagement. So I should try again next month!"
I was hoping for a little more on strategies for coping with and healing from burnout, but Garvey said she couldn’t find many publications. That’s actually not surprising, as “autistic burnout” is not currently a formally recognized thing. However, there are autistic researchers working on understanding the phenomenon and developing diagnostic criteria (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFixa... ). And here are a few more videos I’ve found of people sharing their own experiences with burnout and recovery:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtcz5...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AviIo...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHZuz...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sDIn...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-RW7...
So I suppose for the time being I will continue to look for community resources like these! And I suspect some of the self-care ideas in this book will probably help too. (Fingers crossed)
I picked up this book because I’ve in/teetering at the edge of autistic burnout for about a year and a half. I keep running out of energy halfway through the week, or feeling like I can either finish my work or have any kind of outside social life, but not both. More worryingly, when this gets particularly bad I have flare-ups of “symptoms” like not being able to even fake eye contact, feeling like talking requires dragging words up out of the depths of the earth, or not being able to tolerate the sensory environment of the grocery store (which I normally like bc food is a special interest, but which over the past few weeks felt way too bright, loud, and scented for comfort). Not feeling alone in all that was perhaps the most immediate benefit of reading this book!
Garvey’s particular autistic experience seems to be pretty close to mine, so when she talked about things like sensory issues getting worse with adult stress to the point of struggling with going to the store, or, conversely, the joy that comes from experiencing nature intensely, I certainly felt very seen! Other things – like her intense special interest in Jane Austen novels – I don’t share, but I have parallels to. Those whose autism manifests differently might have fewer of those “haha, twinsies!” moments, but she does point out repeatedly that there are a wide range of experiences within the autism spectrum.
Some reviews have pointed out that it felt like this advice was coming from quite a privileged position. I felt that a little too when reading the example schedule…which nowhere said “go to work” on it! Garvey had to give up her nursing career due to chronic illness and the pressures of being an autistic mom – and was able to do so, presumably, due to having a husband who makes decent money - so this schedule 100% makes sense for her as she transitions into being an author…but it might have been nice/more relatable to ask a few other autistic people to contribute their sample schedules. However, I think that going through the exercise of considering how the topic of each chapter may apply to your life can be helpful even if you aren’t in a position to make all the changes or ask for all the accommodations you might ideally want right at the moment.
For example, after that moment of irritation with the schedule, I went through the preceding exercise of the PERMA model of well-being, identifying activities that contribute to Positive emotion, Engagement (eg that get one into a flow state), Relationships, Meaning, and a sense of Accomplishment. Because I love lists and categories, I did this for all my typical work and personal activities (color coded purple and green, respectively), and also scored them for whether they fulfilled a basic need (food, hydration, hygiene, etc.) and if they were a positive or negative with regard to sensory/social stresses vs. regulation. Reassuringly, a couple of key work tasks showed up in the most-benefits category – fieldwork (P,E,R,M,A, +/- SR), which gets me out in nature answering research questions and getting to know my student team on a more personal level, and teaching (~P,E,R,M,A, sometimes -SR), which lets me talk about my favorite subjects – as was my hobby of fiction writing (P,E,M,A,+SR). By contrast, some of the tasks strongly associated with my recent burnout were at the bottom with the most cost relative to benefits, including organizing and chairing graduate group meetings (~R, -SR), administering fellowship distributions (M, -SR), and organizing work social events (R,M,-SR). That confirmed my instinct that, once my term as graduate program chair is over, I should not sign up for similar roles again…but some other “service” roles might be substituted, such as “leading a research-promoting initiative”, “leading a work diversity initiative”, or “organizing a seminar" (all R, M, A, -SR).
So that was certainly helpful! I also think that the sections on understanding proprioception (position of your body in space) and interoception (your internal physical and emotional sensations), placed before the chapter on the “famous” 5 senses, were quite interesting and useful. And the 5 steps in the “getting comfortable with uncomfortable emotions” chapter are very similar to the system my dad ended up semi-accidentally teaching me when I was a kid as he tried to understand my crying meltdowns. Those steps are 1) name the emotion, 2) scan the body to identify the physical sensations (this is actually step 1 for me), 3) identifying the cause of the emotion, and 4) coming up with a plan for how to handle it.
I’d also add between 3 and 4: “Is this a reasonable response?” Take care not to gas-light yourself with that one, but I DO think it is an important step! As an example, if #3 is “someone was deliberately cruel to me or someone else”, then anger is 100% a rational response! However if #3 is “the waiter said the kitchen was out of the dish I wanted”, then disappointment is reasonable, but anger, especially if turned on the messenger, is not and one should try to recognize that and dial it back! Likewise, if you are rejection-sensitive (as many of us who were bullied at school are) then it might be easy to jump to the conclusion that a friend or colleague is turning down a lunch invitation because they hate you, and feel hurt and want to avoid talking to them...but step 3.5 can remind you to go: "Wait. They are also a busy adult. They seemed to enjoy themselves the last time we hung out. Probably they really did just have another engagement. So I should try again next month!"
I was hoping for a little more on strategies for coping with and healing from burnout, but Garvey said she couldn’t find many publications. That’s actually not surprising, as “autistic burnout” is not currently a formally recognized thing. However, there are autistic researchers working on understanding the phenomenon and developing diagnostic criteria (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SFixa... ). And here are a few more videos I’ve found of people sharing their own experiences with burnout and recovery:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtcz5...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AviIo...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zHZuz...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sDIn...
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O-RW7...
So I suppose for the time being I will continue to look for community resources like these! And I suspect some of the self-care ideas in this book will probably help too. (Fingers crossed)
January 20, 2024
Since being diagnosed last fall, I've been looking for ways to better understand what that means for me and to live more comfortably. This book has been the most helpful. Lots of valuable strategies for self-care and wellness. You get the sense that the author has been where you are now and the advice she offers comes from that experience and wisdom.
June 28, 2024
Filled with practical tips to help autistic people manage their sensory and emotional well-being. I liked the layout, and particularly liked the chapters on emotional regulation. I would have liked some blank templates to fill out for the different plans/activities.
January 4, 2024
I’m not autistic but this does have some helpful information for people who have anxiety.
March 31, 2024
I found this book most useful for identifying thoughts/habits/sensitivities/etc I either wasn't aware I had, or had not yet made a connection between them and autism. It certainly helped explain more behind the scenes 'why am I like this' stuff. But it's also a good benchmark for learning how to set boundaries for yourself so you don't get burnt out or end up in a shut down or melt down. Not just by adjusting what you use to cope in triggering sensory situations, but by how you prepare for them in advance (when you can), how not to over-extend yourself with constantly masking, ways to soothe and ease anxiety in or prior to a melt down or shut down, being firm with other people about your needs, etc.
As with a book on ADHD I've read previously, the author has a bit more freedom to alter her schedule and activities than the average person; many of the suggestions for helping manage acute melt/shutdown are not available to me simply because I'm not in the kind of job that can accommodate in these ways, and living with roommates and travelling by public transit can make some of the other options less available. The daily/routine soothers and keeping track of how much energy and emotional space you have for things is helpful though, as is learning that some days I'll have more "spoons" than others, and it just comes with the territory of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. While easier said than done, communicating with those around me as to how much energy I have or how blunt I am if I need to stop masking are also good skills to learn (though, again, the application of those skills in practice is not really addressed in this book).
From most of the autism books I have read so far, when the focus is how to manage/cope/etc, positivity seems to be quite common. By which I mean the author writes from a perspective of uplifting and looking to the bright side even when things aren't going well. In moderation this is fine, and while this book was not quite as preachy or "you can do it, gold star" as some others I have read, it still feels somewhat out of touch given the author's privilege. Things like therapy, getting formally diagnosed, changing your schedule to suit your needs, buying or changing things in your home, etc are all out of reach for me to some degree, if not completely.
While a suggestion in the book saying 'therapy can be useful' is probably true, it doesn't address how expensive therapy is, how hard it is to find a good therapist, or how to deal with a therapist who is good for some things but is so naive when it comes to autism that the tools they give you don't work for you. As a cisgender heterosexual white female, the author also does not have to deal with intersectional identities that compound a person's ability to find and receive help or to have a voice in any given space, nevermind having that voice listened to and respected. While not problematic in itself since it provides resources for those of the same identity as the author, it can be disheartening for someone like me to read the same advice across multiple books, advice that is not applicable to you or is harder to implement for you because of your other identities.
As with a book on ADHD I've read previously, the author has a bit more freedom to alter her schedule and activities than the average person; many of the suggestions for helping manage acute melt/shutdown are not available to me simply because I'm not in the kind of job that can accommodate in these ways, and living with roommates and travelling by public transit can make some of the other options less available. The daily/routine soothers and keeping track of how much energy and emotional space you have for things is helpful though, as is learning that some days I'll have more "spoons" than others, and it just comes with the territory of being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world. While easier said than done, communicating with those around me as to how much energy I have or how blunt I am if I need to stop masking are also good skills to learn (though, again, the application of those skills in practice is not really addressed in this book).
From most of the autism books I have read so far, when the focus is how to manage/cope/etc, positivity seems to be quite common. By which I mean the author writes from a perspective of uplifting and looking to the bright side even when things aren't going well. In moderation this is fine, and while this book was not quite as preachy or "you can do it, gold star" as some others I have read, it still feels somewhat out of touch given the author's privilege. Things like therapy, getting formally diagnosed, changing your schedule to suit your needs, buying or changing things in your home, etc are all out of reach for me to some degree, if not completely.
While a suggestion in the book saying 'therapy can be useful' is probably true, it doesn't address how expensive therapy is, how hard it is to find a good therapist, or how to deal with a therapist who is good for some things but is so naive when it comes to autism that the tools they give you don't work for you. As a cisgender heterosexual white female, the author also does not have to deal with intersectional identities that compound a person's ability to find and receive help or to have a voice in any given space, nevermind having that voice listened to and respected. While not problematic in itself since it provides resources for those of the same identity as the author, it can be disheartening for someone like me to read the same advice across multiple books, advice that is not applicable to you or is harder to implement for you because of your other identities.
June 2, 2025
I believe that this book can be incredibly helpful for many neurodivergent individuals, myself included. I did find that some of the guidance given was repetitive, however, that may be just what we need to help these tactics sink in.
July 11, 2024
a voice within the autistic adult community sharing their experiences along with practical ideas on how to regulate oneself- i will be be giving this or recommending this to others in my life who aren’t autistic as well as i think it was a good mirror to the things i feel.
May 20, 2024
The book is kind of a guide on how to care of ourselves as autistic adults. That being said, the author shows us certain difficulties and risks that may occur in the life of an autistic adult. Then she suggests what can be done to prevent or minimize the negative consequences, based on her own experiences and research.
I like the fast pace of the book. The author goes straight to the point. We get an outline of a certain phenomenon, then a quick definition, and then we smoothly go directly to the coping strategies and real-life examples. The text is however not free of some repetitiveness, as similar strategies are given in the context of different problems. Although I have nothing against stating those similar plans in various chapters, I think that subsequent occurrences could be abbreviated. For instance, I had an impression that every time the use of a weighted blanket appears, the author provides almost the same information on how the blanket works. I also feel like, besides the pace being fast, the language itself is not very engaging.
The book seems to me to be a grand base of knowledge and insights. I especially like the first part of the book, where possible differences in the work of senses' of autistics are listed, together with advantages, disadvantages, and insights on how to care for all the senses. It is worth mentioning that besides sensory senses, the author also considers “inner” senses, for instance, a feeling of hunger. The number of problems addressed in the first part of the book is impressive.
The second part seems to me to be mostly the repeating of information in the previous part, in the context of more specific situations. It is good that phenomenons of autistic meltdown and burnout are shown and addressed, but given the exposition of strategies, I think it would be better to address those issues alongside the presentation in the first part.
In the last part of the book, the difficulty of mental disorders and regulating emotions is shown. As the author observed, autistics are at much higher risk of having mental disorders and illnesses and having problems with addressing their own emotions. The guide that the book constitutes could therefore not be complete without discussing the aforementioned issues. I consider the part on emotions, designed similarly as the part on senses, to be very nice, besides a bit of redundancy.
The last two chapters of the book, discussing therapies and mental problems, are OK, but what I miss is stating some specific differences between the treatment of autistics and other people. The author observes that it would be good for a therapist to treat the autistic patient differently, but does not discuss, for instance, research on whether specific kinds of therapies are more successful in the case of autistics or not. It would be also nice to see whether there is some difference in the pharmacological treatment of autistic people.
Overall, I appreciate the book, and I hope I will be able to make good use of it in the future. The text fulfils its purpose after all, besides having a couple of disadvantages.
I like the fast pace of the book. The author goes straight to the point. We get an outline of a certain phenomenon, then a quick definition, and then we smoothly go directly to the coping strategies and real-life examples. The text is however not free of some repetitiveness, as similar strategies are given in the context of different problems. Although I have nothing against stating those similar plans in various chapters, I think that subsequent occurrences could be abbreviated. For instance, I had an impression that every time the use of a weighted blanket appears, the author provides almost the same information on how the blanket works. I also feel like, besides the pace being fast, the language itself is not very engaging.
The book seems to me to be a grand base of knowledge and insights. I especially like the first part of the book, where possible differences in the work of senses' of autistics are listed, together with advantages, disadvantages, and insights on how to care for all the senses. It is worth mentioning that besides sensory senses, the author also considers “inner” senses, for instance, a feeling of hunger. The number of problems addressed in the first part of the book is impressive.
The second part seems to me to be mostly the repeating of information in the previous part, in the context of more specific situations. It is good that phenomenons of autistic meltdown and burnout are shown and addressed, but given the exposition of strategies, I think it would be better to address those issues alongside the presentation in the first part.
In the last part of the book, the difficulty of mental disorders and regulating emotions is shown. As the author observed, autistics are at much higher risk of having mental disorders and illnesses and having problems with addressing their own emotions. The guide that the book constitutes could therefore not be complete without discussing the aforementioned issues. I consider the part on emotions, designed similarly as the part on senses, to be very nice, besides a bit of redundancy.
The last two chapters of the book, discussing therapies and mental problems, are OK, but what I miss is stating some specific differences between the treatment of autistics and other people. The author observes that it would be good for a therapist to treat the autistic patient differently, but does not discuss, for instance, research on whether specific kinds of therapies are more successful in the case of autistics or not. It would be also nice to see whether there is some difference in the pharmacological treatment of autistic people.
Overall, I appreciate the book, and I hope I will be able to make good use of it in the future. The text fulfils its purpose after all, besides having a couple of disadvantages.
April 6, 2024
This book definitely had some useful tips and strategies to work through. I think as with most self help style books, you take the bits that fit, and leave the bits that don't.
I felt myself pulled out of it frequently, with little comments that rubbed me the wrong way. That is a personal thing though, I am not a fan of CBT, and outside of some of the general soothing strategies, a lot of things were impractical when you can't reduce demands.
I had hoped that there would be more on autistic burnout. It was mentioned but there was little focus on it in the book. Which is fair, not everything can be covered in depth.
I think there are strategies in here that would work for a lot of autistic adults, si don't be afraid to give it a go. It is written in an easy to read style. It just wasn't the book I was hoping for right now.
I felt myself pulled out of it frequently, with little comments that rubbed me the wrong way. That is a personal thing though, I am not a fan of CBT, and outside of some of the general soothing strategies, a lot of things were impractical when you can't reduce demands.
I had hoped that there would be more on autistic burnout. It was mentioned but there was little focus on it in the book. Which is fair, not everything can be covered in depth.
I think there are strategies in here that would work for a lot of autistic adults, si don't be afraid to give it a go. It is written in an easy to read style. It just wasn't the book I was hoping for right now.
January 11, 2024
I don’t think these sort of books ever end up well for me, because I end up responding autistically to either too vague or too detailed examples and end up getting cross at it. It’s incredibly well meaning and I’m sure is very helpful for many people but for me it actively made me resistant and ironically led to a bit of an autistic meltdown (essentially she suggests a thing to help regulate your emotions that I did last summer and ended up doing several days - and weeks - of long term damage to me psychologically). I think I should stick to Temple Grandin for these sort of things
July 16, 2024
Very practical and detailed book for people on the spectrum to manage and regulate their sensory and emotional experiences. A lot of the advice in the book boils down to "everyone is different so you should experiment what works for you, here is a list of 30 things you could try". This advice is interspersed with personal anecdotes from the author's life, which were a bit hit-or-miss for me. Overall a great book if you need concrete things to try to improve your daily life, but in my case a lot of them I was already doing unconsciously or I already heard of them elsewhere.
June 22, 2024
Too repetitive, read a real acclaimed author who’s done real autism research like Dr Devon Price. Save yourself the time and money.
Like another reviewer said it’s preachy and basically not even self care for autistics. It’s like an almightier than thou neurotypical giving me the classic TikTok pop self help advice of Go to therapy! Set boundaries!
Again if you truly want to change your autistic lifestyle for the better, real research is out there. SAVE YOUR MONEY 👏
Like another reviewer said it’s preachy and basically not even self care for autistics. It’s like an almightier than thou neurotypical giving me the classic TikTok pop self help advice of Go to therapy! Set boundaries!
Again if you truly want to change your autistic lifestyle for the better, real research is out there. SAVE YOUR MONEY 👏
February 5, 2025
I listened to this on audiobook which is probably not the best choice as it's the kind of book you need to refer back to etc.
There are some helpful pointers and ideas, although I can't imagine spending that much time dissecting my feelings, the way the author describes it sounds like a full time job! Over all pretty helpful though 👍
There are some helpful pointers and ideas, although I can't imagine spending that much time dissecting my feelings, the way the author describes it sounds like a full time job! Over all pretty helpful though 👍
June 22, 2024
Unhelpful. I found this book to be quite forceful and preachy. Garvey sounds like she has all the answers and tries to preach to her audience about going to therapy, practicing mental exercises among other techniques. Too bad she doesn't realise one glove doesn't fit all sizes.
January 23, 2025
In a time when self-help books about autism seem to appear as frequently as international conflicts, autistic author Niamh Garvey offers a refreshing and practical perspective with Looking After Your Autistic Self. Far from reiterating common clichés, her book is specifically aimed at autistic adults who are interested in self-care, sensory self-care, and emotional regulation. Drawing on her personal experience, Garvey brings a unique voice to the table, shaped by her background as a nurse, her role as a mother of five, her experience with eating disorders, and her late autism diagnosis.
The book is structured in a logical chronology, offering a clear and organized approach to living with autism. Garvey writes in an accessible style without sacrificing depth, and her personal anecdotes add authenticity and relatability. However, some readers may find her comments on the "dangers of obesity for current and future generations of autistic people" and her strong endorsement of cognitive behavioral therapy to be controversial. She also writes from a position of privilege, which may not resonate with every autistic individual. To her credit, Garvey does acknowledge the diversity within the autism community, recognizing that not all autistic people will relate to her experiences or solutions. This recognition adds a layer of inclusivity to the book and encourages readers to explore the subject more broadly.
The first section, Caring for Your Autistic Self, provides practical strategies for identifying and managing personal triggers and stressors. Garvey introduces the concept of the "detective habit," a reflective method to help readers uncover their triggers and develop coping strategies based on their individual strengths. She emphasizes the importance of understanding not only the causes of stress but also the responses to it—whether fight, flight, or freeze. While she encourages readers to adopt the detective habit, she also warns against becoming stuck in this role, advocating instead for finding alternative approaches to feeling good, whether independently or with guidance. This section is particularly valuable for those struggling with the social and emotional complexities of daily life.
One of the standout tools Garvey offers is the Quick Calm Plan, designed to help manage overwhelming moments. These plans consist of pre-prepared strategies that can be quickly implemented during periods of stress. The key is to develop these plans when calm so they are readily available when needed. Essentially, they function as personalized scripts or mind maps, created independently or with support, to navigate difficult situations.
The second section, Sensory Self-Care, delves deeper into sensory aspects of self-care, while the third section, Emotional Regulation, focuses on recognizing, naming, and managing emotions effectively. In Sensory Self-Care, Garvey provides insightful strategies for dealing with sensory overload and emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s sensory needs and boundaries. The final section, Emotional Regulation, explores emotional well-being in depth, including actionable steps for creating an Emotional Regulation Plan.
Garvey’s approach combines empathy with practicality, offering concrete steps and plans that are easy to integrate into daily life. This makes the book not just theoretically valuable but also immediately applicable. One of its strengths is the way it tackles complex topics such as self-awareness, sensory awareness, and emotional management, making it a resource not only for autistic individuals but also for caregivers, family members, and anyone with an interest in autism.
While thoroughly researched, some topics may feel complex to readers who are new to autism. Additionally, the book’s focus is largely on autistic adults within certain social contexts, which may limit its applicability to a wider audience.
I found Looking After Your Autistic Self to be a valuable addition to the growing library of autism and self-care literature. It offers readers a deeper understanding of the complexities of living with autism while providing concrete steps toward personal growth and well-being. Although it is not the easiest book to read, it provides depth and moves beyond general self-help principles to explore autism-specific self-care strategies. For those looking to go a step further in their self-help journey, this book is highly recommended.
The book is structured in a logical chronology, offering a clear and organized approach to living with autism. Garvey writes in an accessible style without sacrificing depth, and her personal anecdotes add authenticity and relatability. However, some readers may find her comments on the "dangers of obesity for current and future generations of autistic people" and her strong endorsement of cognitive behavioral therapy to be controversial. She also writes from a position of privilege, which may not resonate with every autistic individual. To her credit, Garvey does acknowledge the diversity within the autism community, recognizing that not all autistic people will relate to her experiences or solutions. This recognition adds a layer of inclusivity to the book and encourages readers to explore the subject more broadly.
The first section, Caring for Your Autistic Self, provides practical strategies for identifying and managing personal triggers and stressors. Garvey introduces the concept of the "detective habit," a reflective method to help readers uncover their triggers and develop coping strategies based on their individual strengths. She emphasizes the importance of understanding not only the causes of stress but also the responses to it—whether fight, flight, or freeze. While she encourages readers to adopt the detective habit, she also warns against becoming stuck in this role, advocating instead for finding alternative approaches to feeling good, whether independently or with guidance. This section is particularly valuable for those struggling with the social and emotional complexities of daily life.
One of the standout tools Garvey offers is the Quick Calm Plan, designed to help manage overwhelming moments. These plans consist of pre-prepared strategies that can be quickly implemented during periods of stress. The key is to develop these plans when calm so they are readily available when needed. Essentially, they function as personalized scripts or mind maps, created independently or with support, to navigate difficult situations.
The second section, Sensory Self-Care, delves deeper into sensory aspects of self-care, while the third section, Emotional Regulation, focuses on recognizing, naming, and managing emotions effectively. In Sensory Self-Care, Garvey provides insightful strategies for dealing with sensory overload and emphasizes the importance of understanding one’s sensory needs and boundaries. The final section, Emotional Regulation, explores emotional well-being in depth, including actionable steps for creating an Emotional Regulation Plan.
Garvey’s approach combines empathy with practicality, offering concrete steps and plans that are easy to integrate into daily life. This makes the book not just theoretically valuable but also immediately applicable. One of its strengths is the way it tackles complex topics such as self-awareness, sensory awareness, and emotional management, making it a resource not only for autistic individuals but also for caregivers, family members, and anyone with an interest in autism.
While thoroughly researched, some topics may feel complex to readers who are new to autism. Additionally, the book’s focus is largely on autistic adults within certain social contexts, which may limit its applicability to a wider audience.
I found Looking After Your Autistic Self to be a valuable addition to the growing library of autism and self-care literature. It offers readers a deeper understanding of the complexities of living with autism while providing concrete steps toward personal growth and well-being. Although it is not the easiest book to read, it provides depth and moves beyond general self-help principles to explore autism-specific self-care strategies. For those looking to go a step further in their self-help journey, this book is highly recommended.
April 13, 2025
I found it difficult to choose a rating for this book, but ended up settling on 5 stars rather than 4 for one main reason: if you don't have the language/terminology to talk about your experiences as an autistic person, this book will help you find it.
The author is white and from the UK, and seems to have quite a lot of control over her environment (particularly her work); that kind of circumstance will not be relatable to everyone. Like any other self-help book, you'll need to take the advice/tips that work for you and discard the rest — however, at the very least, you'll leave with a better understanding of how many things in your life connect to/interact with each other, and also get a better idea of how to start digging a little deeper into things and find out what really works for you. I really appreciated how each section was broken down into further sections, and that examples were given for each situation; this will suit people who only want to read about just one issue at a time, or who prefer to read chapters out-of-order (for whatever reason).
This is a very good resource. Not everyone will want to buy a copy for their bookshelf, but if you have the option I strongly recommend checking it out from your local library.
The author is white and from the UK, and seems to have quite a lot of control over her environment (particularly her work); that kind of circumstance will not be relatable to everyone. Like any other self-help book, you'll need to take the advice/tips that work for you and discard the rest — however, at the very least, you'll leave with a better understanding of how many things in your life connect to/interact with each other, and also get a better idea of how to start digging a little deeper into things and find out what really works for you. I really appreciated how each section was broken down into further sections, and that examples were given for each situation; this will suit people who only want to read about just one issue at a time, or who prefer to read chapters out-of-order (for whatever reason).
This is a very good resource. Not everyone will want to buy a copy for their bookshelf, but if you have the option I strongly recommend checking it out from your local library.
January 5, 2024
This is a thoughtful, own-voices guide to self care.
I read the audio edition, which is not yet listed on Goodreads.
It's a bit list-heavy, so might be better in the print edition, or simultaneous audio and print.
The reader's voice was lovely, clear and easy to follow, but I just felt a bit lost in lists at times.
One possible improvement would be to include the stories and tips of other autistic adults, even if only a small group. This was based so heavily on the author's own experience, I often felt I was listening to a memoir, more than to a helpful manual or guide. Her own experience is valuable but felt, at times, narrow.
I'd love to see an expanded version include examples and ideas from autistic adults in different situations: singles and single parents; employed people; people of various ages and social, economic, and ethnic backgrounds; and with different co-occurring conditions.
All in all, though, it is a practical guide, with excellent suggestions and strategies for coping with a wide variety of situations, so it is empowering.
I read the audio edition, which is not yet listed on Goodreads.
It's a bit list-heavy, so might be better in the print edition, or simultaneous audio and print.
The reader's voice was lovely, clear and easy to follow, but I just felt a bit lost in lists at times.
One possible improvement would be to include the stories and tips of other autistic adults, even if only a small group. This was based so heavily on the author's own experience, I often felt I was listening to a memoir, more than to a helpful manual or guide. Her own experience is valuable but felt, at times, narrow.
I'd love to see an expanded version include examples and ideas from autistic adults in different situations: singles and single parents; employed people; people of various ages and social, economic, and ethnic backgrounds; and with different co-occurring conditions.
All in all, though, it is a practical guide, with excellent suggestions and strategies for coping with a wide variety of situations, so it is empowering.
September 21, 2023
This was brilliant and packed full of really useful advice and tips for managing and working with your autism, instead of against it. I enjoyed how the advice was highlighted by the authors own experiences, and that it was drawn mostly from peer reviewed studies which are mentioned throughout the book. I'd definitely recommend this to any autistic, whether recently diagnosed (like me) or not. It might also be useful for those with an autistic loved one as it definitely provides really good explanations as to why the autistic brain works the way it does and the developmental differences between autistic and non-autistic brains. It was really affirming to understand the reasons behind my own struggles and have appropriate language to use to try and help my own loved ones understand. All in all a very practical, useful book.
February 11, 2025
Really loved reading this. The self-care strategies and quick calm plans, especially the information about the senses, the vestibular and proprioceptive senses. I had so many aha moments when reading this, even though i knew about it medically, learning about them from an autistic perspective and how they might be a reason for sensory overwhelm was a valuable information to me. Before reading this book, I had already been using some of the sensory soothing strategies like silicone earbuds, dark room and a heavy blanket (i loved heavy blankets since i was a kid, if i didn't get heavy blankets i used to combine 2 or even 3 blankets to feel their heaviness. didn't know that i was soothing my proprioceptive sense!)
April 26, 2023
This book is more helpful than I anticipated, the author presents lots of helpful tips on how to manage the sensory environment and what to do when having meltdowns. It is easy to follow and read.
Since reading the book, I feel more conscious and self-aware relative to interoception. It's allowed me to think more about what my triggers are and be aware of warning signs for a meltdown.
I would recommend this book for all Autistics who wish to understand themselves and their sensory issues.
Since reading the book, I feel more conscious and self-aware relative to interoception. It's allowed me to think more about what my triggers are and be aware of warning signs for a meltdown.
I would recommend this book for all Autistics who wish to understand themselves and their sensory issues.
December 27, 2023
Full of wonderful tips and tricks for increasing your well-being as an autistic person. Though not exclusively, it is especially helpful for those of us who are late-diagnosed as autistic to work through our emotion and mental dysregulation that has been neglected over the years. Absolutely loved the ideas presented and felt as if the author were speaking to me and my wife's experiences directly. Well worth the read!
April 5, 2025
A book that I absolutely recommend if you’ve been newly diagnosed with Autism, or if you resonate with challenges and feelings of neurodivergence!
First off, I love the cover, it looks absolutely aesthetic and calming. The chapter overviews are a great way to summarise the key points of each chapter, which makes it very easy to follow along. The book gave me good journal prompts, and provided a lot of useful information.
First off, I love the cover, it looks absolutely aesthetic and calming. The chapter overviews are a great way to summarise the key points of each chapter, which makes it very easy to follow along. The book gave me good journal prompts, and provided a lot of useful information.
November 5, 2025
speaks so clearly
This book, along with the autistic burnout workbook by Dr. Neff, have helped me so much, and explained so much. This authors gentle, personal touch, and inclusive vibe is wonderful. So many things I was like, yes! That explains that. The key points at the end of each chapter were super helpful, and I know I will be going back to this over and over! That the author herself went through this and so can speak clearly on everything is so affirming.
This book, along with the autistic burnout workbook by Dr. Neff, have helped me so much, and explained so much. This authors gentle, personal touch, and inclusive vibe is wonderful. So many things I was like, yes! That explains that. The key points at the end of each chapter were super helpful, and I know I will be going back to this over and over! That the author herself went through this and so can speak clearly on everything is so affirming.
January 10, 2024
I borrowed this book from the library but it's so useful I'll definitely buy a copy. There is a lot of practical information that I think I will be able to implement slowly and the layout is really good with every chapter setting out what's in it and the aims of the chapter and links to research papers for those that want to read more scientific information on each subject.
December 28, 2024
The section on the senses was SO good. This book is packed with advice and I have been able to use it to add a whole toolkit of strategies to help me through life. Spoiler: the famous 5 senses were NOT my biggest problem and it helped me understand WHY I did some things that never made sense before (like gnaw on my fingers).
January 26, 2025
This book is great for certain autistic people! Loved how heard I felt while reading the book. Practical tips with plenty of theoretical background. I can see a couple of cbt elements. But they are written in a way that doesn't make me feel like I am ridiculous for experience the world around like I do. it turns cbt elements into looking after your autistic self with love and care.
January 17, 2024
This is the book I wish I'd read years ago. It's filled with insightful, practical advice with full examples provided. I recognised a lot of myself in this book and now have lots of explanations as to why I feel these things and act a certain way. I'm really glad I read it.
February 28, 2024
I love how practical and down-to-earth this book is! The author's lived experience and extensive research make it an excellent resource for all autistic adults and for their family and friends who wish to learn more about autism.
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