What I Mean to Say: Remaking Conversation in Our Time

by Ian Williams

The 2024 Massey Lectures will be delivered by Scotiabank Giller Prize–winning author Ian Williams.

The Massey Lectures is an annual five-part series of lectures given in Canada by distinguished writers, thinkers, and scholars who explore important ideas and issues of contemporary interest. Created in 1961 in honour of Vincent Massey, the former Governor General of Canada, it is widely regarded as one of the most acclaimed lecture series in the country. The event is co-sponsored by CBC Radio, House of Anansi Press, and Massey College in the University of Toronto. The lectures have been broadcast by the CBC Radio show Ideas since 1965.

Genres: Nonfiction, Canada

248 pages, Paperback

Published October 8, 2024

About the author

Ian Williams is the author of Personals, shortlisted for the Griffin Poetry Prize and the Robert Kroetsch Poetry Book Award; Not Anyone’s Anything, winner of the Danuta Gleed Literary Award for the best first collection of short fiction in Canada; and You Know Who You Are, a finalist for the ReLit Prize for poetry. He was named as one of ten Canadian writers to watch by CBC.

Williams completed his Ph.D. in English at the University of Toronto and works as an English professor.

In 2014-2015, Williams was the Canadian Writer-in-Residence for the Calgary Distinguished Writers Program at the University of Calgary. He has also held residencies or fellowships at the Leighton Artists’ Colony at the Banff Centre, Vermont Studio Center, Cave Canem, Kimmel Harding Nelson Center for the Arts, and Palazzo Rinaldi in Italy. He was a scholar at the National Humanities Center Summer Institute for Literary Study. His writing has appeared in several North American journals and anthologies.

He is currently working on his first novel.

Reviews

[Kathy Stinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating examination of an important part of our lives that we rarely give much thought to, beyond “Great chat.” Easy to read, so much to absorb, I will want to come back to it. For now I will carry with me the idea of listening, and speaking without the intention of persuading a conversational partner of something. Go into a conversation from a place not of knowing, but of unknowing.

[John Ayena · Rating 4 out of 5]

"A conversation's ephemerality suggests to me that it is forgiving. The words come and go; they are present, then they disappear. One can hold on to them in memory but at that point we're dealing with fragments. The actual conversation in real time disappears. You can change your mind about what you said and inscribe a new conversation over the old one. If conversations are so temporal, merciful, even ethereal, then perhaps we should grant each other a similar lightness to be."

I really enjoyed this examination of conversation, coming in from all angles. In particular, I like how Williams never really comes at this topic with practical, "Here is a three-step model" answers. Rather, he simply explores why we say certain things, why we feel certain feelings when certain things are said and the different ways that we choose to approach saying and receiving those certain things. When speaking of specific (and potentially polarizing) conversations, Williams is very fair, never caricaturizes and doesn't attempt to diagnose or fix worldviews that he may not be familiar with. Goodreads marks this as self-help but I would beg to differ - it's really just a fantastic resource that can help us begin to think intentionally about how conversations impact and are impacted by social norms, emotions, behaviour and culture. 4 stars.

[Nancy Milton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ian Williams' What I Mean to Say is a profound meditation on the fading skill of conversation in our hyper-digital, polarized, and often isolating world. With his creative and experimental style, Williams delves into the essence of what it means to connect through words—spoken, written, or otherwise. Drawing on historical, cultural, and personal insights, the book examines conversations from multiple angles, questioning what is lost when genuine engagement gives way to superficial, transactional exchanges. Thoroughly researched and evocatively written, it challenges readers to reflect on their own communication habits in a time when meaningful dialogue feels increasingly rare.

The final two chapters (4 and 5) are particularly impactful in my opinion, offering nuanced explorations of how conversations can heal, transform, and bridge divides. These chapters stand out for their depth and clarity, synthesizing the book's themes into actionable insights. Williams' reflections on the vulnerability and courage required for authentic dialogue leave a lasting impression, underscoring the power of words to foster empathy in even the most fractured relationships. Much is possible when we truly listen and connect. I will continue to challenge myself to evolve+lead with curiosity and attention with all five senses.

[Rob Black · Rating 5 out of 5]

Edna, who are you? Are you me? Do you exist in all of us?

A delightful, joyful read that creates opportunities to pause and reflect on why we have conversations, what they mean to our world and relationships to each other, and ways that we can foster better ones - with others and with ourselves.

Yet to read a CBC Massey lecture that doesn't leave me with a profound pause, and this certainly doesn't disappoint. Last two pages are beautiful, but I doubt they'd work without all the pages before them.

[Natasha]

I enjoyed it a lot! Much better than the last book I read about conversations.

[Angelee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Enjoyed listening to this as part of the Massy Lecture Series, but also liked reading it. Would read and listen again.

[Spencer Folkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This lecture made me want to be a student again. What I Mean to Say is inventive in form, wide-ranging in scope, and all the while deeply rewarding. I enjoyed the time I spent with Williams, Edna, and their inexhaustible supply of references. For anyone who wants to think about conversations, this book is a must-read. What I Mean to Say is accessible (without being easy—some parts, my intellect had to stand on its tippy toes), humourous (and kind—but always redirecting back to the urgent topic at hand), and endlessly thought-provoking. Williams has a way with anecdotes and information that make for an intensely readable experience. I did not want to leave the world of this lecture. I feel like a student, still seated in the lecture hall after the rest of the class and the professor have left, stunned.

[Olivia Cosgrove · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was written in such a confusing, chaotic manner which made it incredibly hard to get through. I read it for a book club, so had to finish it, but if I was reading this individually I would have dropped it after the first 50 pages or so.

The best points of the book - which were pretty thought-provoking - were all within the first 50 pages. It felt like the author had a few big points to make but had to fill in the rest with bullshit so that it could be novel-length. Boy was it repetitive.

Most arguments he made and facts he provided were quite obvious sentiments that I would consider common sense. I appreciate the intention behind the book, I believe we all deserve good conversations, but the book was just unnecessary for me.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

Williams is a Canadian poet and novelist who gave the Canadian Broadcasting Massey Lecture on conversation in 2024. He is also a Black Man an an out of the box thinker. In the lectures, Williams talks about the need to revitalize conversations, personal and public conversations, who can speak for whom, and what constitutes good conversations. He uses an unusual device in that a composite of his editors provide a running commentary on his writing asking questions and making comments in the margins. Sometimes it works and sometimes it just seems cutesy. I found most of his thoughts provocative --for example he recommends suspending one's convictions to truly listen to others: "This goes beyond understanding what they believe to understanding how their opinion is liked to their sense of self, why they hold on to it, what need it meets, how they arrived at it, who led them there, whom they trust--all those elements need space within a conversation until the victory is not in winning them over but in truly understanding them better."

[Hilary Veen · Rating 4 out of 5]

First thing, Ian Williams comes across as a lovely, sensitive man, someone you can trust and want to read his words. A timely book for the world right now, makes you check your reflexive defensiveness during conversations. Also makes me think about silence, pausing and listening. I can relate to how he talks about satisfying vs. unsatisfying conversations and how I can talk less and less get more out of them.

He goes all over the place and might lose you from time to time, but stick with it. His interaction with a friend at the end makes it all worthwhile.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

I took an intro to poetry class with Dr. Williams—he likely prefers just Ian—and learned about how to relive memories vividly in the form of words and sentences. This book continued this journey of learning, focused on the under-appreciated importance of conversation and its centrality in our human lives.

If you’re reading this, know that I am always down for a cheeky conversation.

[Jean Chow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anne Lamott once said to aspiring writers, "Tell me a story. Make me care."

Ian Williams, whom I met once, is a respected author, poet, and professor. He made me laugh, cry, and care. The ending is astonishing relatable and relevant.

I will be referencing his 2024 Massey Lecture Series book often when sharing with my students.

[Jane Mulkewich · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book quickly (before gifting it to someone who I hope will enjoy it), and plan to get my own copy to read it again, and to listen to the lectures in Ian Williams' own voice online. There is much to reflect on here, about conversations in our modern world, and I would like to let the words sink in and be able to think more about what he has to say.

[Rhys · Rating 3 out of 5]

"It is not a verbal project of colonization in which a power imposes its way of thinking on another with the belief that it knows better for the partner than they know for themselves. / A persuasive imperative is not predicated on the fullness of the other person as human. That person is merely an imagined object to incorporate into one’s tribe".

[Neil Haave · Rating 4 out of 5]

A fun meditation on the art and role of conversation. An at times moving and thoughtful treatise well worth reading. In a couple of chapters I appreciated the use of subheadings that were the titles of previous CBC Massey lectures (e.g., Necessary Illusions, Belonging, The Age of Insecurity) to signal, I think, Williams being in conversation with those previous lecture series.

[Janey Lao · Rating 4 out of 5]

enjoyable, thought provoking

[Michi Mosh · Rating 4 out of 5]

really sweet, felt intimate, teaches at my uni. i love my friends and i love to talk..

[Miles · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insightful, didactic

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 1/2 So interesting. Plus, I loved the short editorial comments provided by "Edna"!

[Clivemichael · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant; an excellent disassembly of how we talk to each other.

[Amanda Barker · Rating 3 out of 5]

A timely re-examining of difficult conversations told with humor and personal introspection.

[Lindsay]

DNF.

[Michael · Rating 5 out of 5]

A meditation on the dying art of the conversation in our digital, interconnected, isolated, polarized world. Thoroughly researched and written in the creative, experimental way that Ian Williams made his own, this book explores the meaning of conversations through all lenses, using different definitions, different media, and different historical understandings of the word, to understand the impact of truly engaging (or not engaging) with another human being through words- spoken and otherwise. 5 🌟!

[Carolina Familia · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone who is constantly online and can go days without having a face to face conversation with someone, this book was really eye opening. It’s a deep examination of conversations, how they have progressed and evolved over time, the ways we communicate and where we can do better. It’s written in a fun way that kept my attention throughout the book, allowing me to finish reading quickly. It’s definitely worth a few reads.