Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself: 5 Steps for Busy Moms to Banish Guilt and Finally Beat Burnout

by Morgan Cutlip

Loving your kids isn’t supposed to mean you completely disappear or get swallowed up by the demands of motherhood. You want to be a great mother. But how do you care for yourself without neglecting your kids needs, feeling overwhelmed by guilt, or succumbing under the pressure to be perfect? Dr. Morgan—a psychotherapist and relationship expert—has helped over 100,000 moms regain their sanity and prevent burnout through her popular courses, coaching, and social media wisdom. In her debut book,  Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself , she offers a proven step-by-step plan that any mom can follow.  In this powerful book, she reveals how to   Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself  is a must-read book for modern moms. You don’t have to choose between self-abandonment or child-abandonment. You can love yourself and love your kids. Discover how to flourish as a mother, know exactly how to care for yourself in ways that actually make a difference, and finally feel joy in motherhood.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Self Help, Audiobook, Mental Health, Family, Psychology

240 pages, Paperback

Published October 1, 2024

About the author

I'm so glad you're here. It's hard to know where to start so I'll start with what matters most to me and that's my relationships.

I'm a mother to two kids, Effie (10) and Roy (7). They are hilarious, spirited, spicy, deeply thoughtful and emotional kids. I adore them and being their mother. They've challenged me in the most surprising and wonderful ways. I'm married to my high school sweetheart, Chad. I always feel like I lose a little street cred when I say that so, for the record, we didn't date that entire time and eventually reconnected years after college on MySpace (yup, now I've aged myself). He's the love of my life, an incredible man that loves others deeply, works so very hard, and continues to be open to growth and change.

I’ve worked in the field of relationship education for over 15 years alongside my father, Dr. John Van Epp, who is the founder of Love Thinks and developer of multiple relationship education courses that have been taught to over a million people worldwide. I started traveling to conferences with him when I was in junior high and so, in many ways, it feels like I’ve grown up in the relationship education field. He’s amazing and brilliant and I’m blessed to have learned so much from him over the years we worked together and just cherish our relationship.

I distinctly remember a conversation with my dad over 20 years ago where I said that someday I wanted to support women, but I just wasn’t sure how.

Fast forward 10 years and Effie (our oldest) was born and, holy moly, did motherhood hit me like a ton of bricks and I completely lost myself in motherhood (you can read the full story in my book 🙂 I knew that one day when I came out of the fog of early motherhood I wanted to do something to help moms navigate it better.

I had a lot of skill and practice translating psychological theory, research, and concepts into tangible and practical advice so I got to work creating accessible content to help moms navigate their relationship with their kids, partners, and themselves differently.

Through my career, I created the My Love Thinks blog, the @DrMorganCutlip instagram, the Love Thinks Podcast, and The Mother Load course along with other courses, workshops, and targeted eGuides and authored the book Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself: 5 Steps to Banish Guilt & Beat Burnout When You Already Have Too Much to Do. These tools have been accessed by hundreds of thousands of women worldwide.

Reviews

[Louisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

I grabbed this off of NetGalley more as a preemptive measure. I’m still in the halcyon days of motherhood where I have reassurances that my baby adores me and that I’m doing well enough (although I wish I showered more and that someday he will sleep through the night…or at all). But I am very aware it might not be like this for long.

The honesty in here regarding priorities and balance and kids felt like a breath of fresh air, and if I were a different person I might keep a copy. Self-help books are still not for me, though; even with how potentially relevant this was, the style of the genre is off putting to me. I also disagree with a lot of the marriage advice/examples. If people say hurtful and inaccurate things, for instance (“you’ve been gone a lot”), I don’t think it’s “defensive” or “lacking willpower” to point out how unfair that is.

Great practical questions, though, that might help a lot of parents find their identities again.

Note: This is published by a Christian publishing house. While it’s not the central focus, you can see how the perspective guides the conclusions made, and it’s not really disclosed. Heads up if you’re not into that sort of thing.

Thank you to NetGalley and Thomas Nelson for an eARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Cassidy Puetz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book hits home! I walked into my step-sons life when he was 7 and quickly took on the mom role when he is at our house. I LOVE him, but parenting is hard sometimes (okay 99% of the time).

Cutlip did a wonderful job at providing practical strategies that would / could be easy to put into your every day life. She also writes in such a way that although a professional in the field, does not downplay feelings that many moms may feel. She draws upon her experiences as a mother which made her so relatable. I feel totally seen & validated.

I loved every second of this! Especially the “go mom yourself” sections at the end of every chapter. Knowing I can just turn to that page quickly and get a good recap is wonderful! I’m positive I will reread this again, especially down the road when more kiddos join our family.

I will leave this here.. Cutlip wrote, “mother yourself like you mother your kids” and I know I will think about this quote in the days & weeks that follow!

Thank you NetGalley & Nelson Books for the opportunity to read to this ARC!

[Miska Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best, if not the best, parenting book I have read in the past year. I intend to purchase this book in physical form as soon as I am able.

I am an educator, with education in child development, who has longed for children of “my own” for over a decade. Through a combination of adoption and IVF I have two children, and I have absolutely lost myself in the last four years.

I’ve needed and wanted a roadmap for years. Reading this book felt like she was talking to me directly, like she’d lived the life I was living and she knew the way through the tunnel and out of the other side.

I was worried her book would not be aimed at someone like me because of her Christian roots. But, while she clearly draws many of the positive principles of Christianity that are universal to everyone, it was not a Christian book, and it was not mentioned at all, except in passing. So if you are a secular reader, you will absolutely find it relevant.

In fact, none of this work was judgemental or pushy, or ever made me feel shame. I found myself relaxing into it, and buying into each idea that she proposed.

I needed help with the worksheets and she was immediately responsive (within 24 hours) and provided me with them.

I received this work from Net Galley, but I will absolutely be purchasing it in the future.

[Kalis · Rating 3 out of 5]

Even though I often feel “lost in motherhood”, perhaps I should have known that I wouldn’t get too much out of this book as someone who has a four day work week and never keeps her babe home from daycare on her days off (and doesn’t feel like a “bad mom” for doing so). Or maybe at 18 months, it is too early for me to feel like this book was particularly helpful. Or maybe I am blunt to a fault about my needs with my very supportive partner. Or maybe it is the years of therapy I have gone through in attempts to self actualize myself and my relationships. Unclear.

I know that this book will help many, but at this time, it was mostly a miss for me.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great resource for moms. I am a mother of two strong-willed grown daughters who are now mother’s of strong-willed toddler daughters, and this book was just what we all needed. The book had many relatable examples (which convinced me the author could handle my story) and broke down everything in a way that I could manage and not feel overwhelmed about improvement. The concepts that were originally her fathers was also a great idea for all relationships. This is a workbook of hope and skills to navigate life. The author pulled everything into perspective for me and helped me understand what was happening in my life right now.
I can’t say enough good things about this. It’s a relief to know that other people are struggling with the same things. I recommend this book.
Thanks Thomas Nelson via NetGalley.

[Melanie Sandlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really helpful book for moms, or primary caregivers, to help undo shame surrounding pouring into ourselves. Reduce mom guilt and learn a quick system for self check-ins that, when done regularly, will improve self awareness and mental health.
I enjoyed the author’s wealth of personal experiences that helped me to relate with her, thus providing a sense of validity to her argument for self betterment. This book is great for caregivers trying to find themselves again after children, and people who want to provide a version of themselves that is grounded and whole to their children. Ordering the print copy to properly work through some prompts that were difficult to understand from the audiobook.

[LaShanda Chamberlain · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a mom, but I often take on a motherly role for my sisters. That experience has given me a small look at how demanding motherhood can be. Even as an aunt, I see how exhausting it is—endless chores, missing snacks, and moments that make you question everything. That’s why I found this book so helpful for moms trying to manage it all.

It doesn’t just talk about the challenges—it also offers useful advice, encouragement, and a real understanding of what motherhood is like. Whether you need support, reassurance, or just a reminder that you’re doing a great job, this book has it all.

I highly recommend it to moms everywhere!


A huge thanks to NetGalley, the author, and the publisher for the opportunity to read this advanced copy.

[Ashley Severns · Rating 3 out of 5]

A self help book for moms to understand that you can't fill others cups, until yours is filled up first.

I realized I'm not really the target audience for this book as I already do have balance outside of my kids. I'm thankful that I have a great support system to help with that and I also work outside of the house. For SAHM or those who don't leave their kids much, this would be better.

There were some good points, examples, and items to do to keep your head on straight throughout motherhood and trying to get rid of the mom guilt.

[Lynsee Manning · Rating 5 out of 5]

A excellent parenting books focusing on Moms. This will be my go-to recommendation for parenting from this point forward. The absolute best thing is it's practical, and full of real life applications for every mom.

[Chrisdee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is an absolutely wonderful resource as a mom. It does not feel overwhelming , and many times I felt I was hearing what Dr. Morgan Cutlip was writing from my own therapist. Highly suggest buying this book and giving her an Instagram follow , it's a wonderful resource.

*I received this ARC from Netgalley in exchange for my honest review*

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Validating book that is a good reminder of how to REALISTICALLY still be you after becoming a mom. Normalizes a lot of the unjustified guilty feelings and thoughts moms have.

[Camille · Rating 5 out of 5]

RTC!

Thank you to Netgalley and the publishers for providing me an e-ARC in exchange for an honest review.

[Alison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is hands down the best parenting book I have read, and it's a book I wish I would have had access to more than a decade ago when I had young kids and was navigating early motherhood so I could have used the tools offered as I parented. Nevertheless, it's not too late - and the information shared in the book applies to me in parenting my teenage offspring just as much as it does to a mom with toddlers.

I have read so many parenting books, books on the mental load, and books on parenting, and this book accomplishes much where so many of them fall short: it identifies the issues many mothers experience in motherhood, it explains how and why moms feel overwhelmed and maxed out in today's society, and it facilitates introspection that enables moms to figure out what they can do differently to take care of themselves (in multifaceted ways); then it gives moms the tools they need to make changes to improve their lives and stop pouring from an empty cup. The most important thing I can add to this is that the author makes all this feel achieveable, and she does it all without making you feel guilty. This is saying something, since almost every parenting book I've read has made me feel guilty in one way or another.

This is a book I will actually recommend to every mom I know who is struggling with overwhelm, burnout, or struggling with finding balance in motherhood, from moms with toddlers to teenagers.

When I first read this book two years ago, I swore I would re-read it periodically because I knew I would need a refresher. I am now doing that re-read, and I was definitely correct in thinking that I would need to be reminded of the principles discussed and how to apply them in my life. I am grateful for a chance to circle back to it and reevaluate as I enter a new stage of motherhood. I also have recommended it to my cousin, whom I've had multiple conversations about motherhood struggles with, and I'm glad that I can share this knowledge with someone who has young children and can use it throughout her motherhood journey.

If it's hard to read the physical copy, I would highly recommend the audiobook version! Listen to it while you do the dishes, go on a walk, drive in the car, fold the laundry, or nurse your baby. You will not regret it.

[Chloe (Always Booked) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow this was so good. The premise of this book is that we should mother ourselves like we mother our children. As moms, we wear so many hats and care so deeply for others and thats a beautiful thing, but we'd be much better at it if we did it for ourselves too. The 5 steps of checking in/ areas of the relationship attachment method (RAM) are to KNOW DEEPLY (align with yourself/your kids so you care for yourself in ways that are meaningful to you/ your kids) , TRUST ACCURATELY (so you can see yourself in a positive light), RELY BOLDLY (so that you can assess, assert and prioritize your needs), COMMIT WISELY (so you can prioritize yourself and your other things in a way you're at peace with) and TOUCH PURPOSEFULLY (so you can listen to your physical body and take care of it in impactful ways). When you're feeling overwhelmed, burnt out and exhausted, check in with those 5 areas and see which are too low and need to be amped up.

[Madison Wright · Rating 4 out of 5]

I listened to this as an audiobook read by the author. I enjoyed it and took away a lot of helpful information. Although the audiobook was good, I think it's one of those books that really deserves to be consumed in a physical format. I plan to purchase a copy so I can take notes, highlight, and reread some of the chapters over again. Despite this book being written by a Christian and published by a Christian publishing house, it isn't chock full of Bible verses, and Christian cultural norms/expectations. Some more conservative Christians may be disappointed to read references to "partners" instead of "spouse" or "husband". Dr. Cutlip also refers to some of Sigmund Freud's work which again, may cause some Christians to feel uncomfortable. I found this book to be a really great practical guide on learning how to "go mom yourself" as the author says, AKA, checking in with yourself and being aware of what your needs are. I value Biblical references and have read a lot of parenting books from a Christian perspective, but a lot of them fall short on practical steps to take and apply in real life. This book is written very graciously with a lot of encouragement and practical takeaways that every mom can apply, regardless of theology.

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

Idk if I just didn't get this or what. But I didn't feel like this book taught us to love our kids without loosing ourselves, if anything it taught us how to love ourselves. Which is fine. But not what I wanted.

The RAM model that she talked about throughout (and was her cornerstone for the whole book) was just confusing in my opinion and never made any sense to me. I think that's the biggest reason I struggled with this book. She used a relationship fixing tool to work on ourselves? it felt like she had this tool that works really well and to make more money she's trying to shove it into every single topic of discussion so she can milk it for all it's worth. The idea never clicked for me.

She also never had any examples of the model actually working. Just real life experiences where she didn't use the model because she didn't have it in her toolbelt yet, and then how she would've acted had she had the model. Which is all just fairytale land. I can tell you all day long how a model will work in theory, but you have no idea how it will actually work in practice until you use it...

idk. I'm a mom of a newborn (at time of writing) so tantrums aren't something I've lived with, and maybe this book will make sense in 3 years. But for now, it doesn't.

[Amy Lorton · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Netgalley and Nelson Books for the eARC of Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself: 5 Steps to Banish Guilt and Beat Burnout When You Already Have Too Much to Do by Morgan Cutlip. All opinions are my own!

I love my fiction, and boy do I, but every once and a while I need to take look at my reality, and I’ll be the first to admit I am overall, overwhelmed! When I saw this book with the longest (and most perfectly descriptive) title on earth, I thought “I need to put down the romances in the AirPods for this one.” And I’m glad I did. Let me put it this way- I highlighted a WHOPPING 21% of this book, according to my Kindle. I really like the author, I LOVE her personal stories and her many, many mothering moments and feelings that I can relate to. I am fascinated by the research and books she mentioned- my favorite nugget of information being about John Gottman’s “stress-reducing conversation”. We hopefully all have friends that we can share our stressors with- no fixing, no solving, just empathy. I have been fortunate to have friends to do this with since I was a kid but I was yesterday years old when I was introduced to its name.

In this book there are tips on how WE can stay regulated, so many questions we can ask ourselves like “what kind of parent did you expect yourself to be?”, “do you think your child’s behavior is a direct reflection of your value and competency as a mother?”, explanations for why we are so exhausted by the end of the night (other than the obvious) and REAL things we can do to help ourselves besides the often mentioned and elusive “SELF CARE”. What we are taught are strategies that can take minutes, and can be ongoing, unlike a “getaway” where you come back to the same old thing. Mothers are told to take care of ourselves and I think this book gives us ways to do that, plus they are free and shouldn’t take long to put into practice.

My only complaint about the book, and this may be my burned-out brain talking, is that I found the five steps confusing. Their names don’t have a clear tie-in to what they represent IMO. If I left this book with them easily memorized, I would rate it higher. I do want to shut the book and move on to my fabulously found self, but it is not a one-and-done, and I will be referencing it often.

My other complaint, and it is not about the book itself, is that I think I got the eARC very early and therefore didn’t have access to the PDFs as I went. I couldn’t print out the questions at the end of the book and I would have liked to. I think there may have been charts I couldn’t see? I NEED all these things and am trying to figure out if I should buy the hardcover or the ebook (both which will come with the PDFs). What I would like most of all is a paperback combo book/ workbook that I can write in. Giving me this free ebook is resulting in me buying it, so I’d say this is a positive review! I recommend this book for mothers or caretakers to read, even before the burnout, guilt and full schedule shows up.

4/5 stars

[Larissa Geleris · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love Your Kids Without Losing Yourself leaves you with that good, connected warmth that you feel after spending real time with a close friend. Dr Morgan does an exceptional job of highlighting the challenges of modern motherhood while providing practical tools for the constant shifts you'll face as a mother. It is so motivating, yet completely achievable, evidence-based, and has so much self-compassion weaved in. Absolutely fantastic, I would recommend to any mother at any stage.

[Sara Heijerman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a good book with lots of validation for busy moms that are doing their best, but perhaps feeling like they are falling short on the ""big picture"" of their parenting journey. This book probably would have been of more help/more impactful for me 5 years ago when I was in a more intense parenting season, but I still was able to apply a few things to my own parenting mindset, and would probably recommend this book if you're drowning in the ""toddler years"".

[Melinda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Written in clear and accessible language. The author speaks from her own experience frequently -- which may not precisely reflect everyone's personal circumstances/family make-up, but the author does acknowledge this and attempt to provide information and advice that can be relevant to various household types.

A lot of valuable food-for-thought here...

[Victoria Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a new mom, this book is amazing. It is a must read for all moms no matter the stage of life.

We are often overshadowed by our child(ren) and forget our own needs in the process. The author is straightforward, using personal anecdotes to relate back to strategies as well as mentalities to keep in mind through various stages of parenting.

Go. Mom. Yourself.

[Kailyn Andersen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow wow wow!! Without a doubt one of the most influential and necessary books I’ve read. Dr. Cutlip is warm, nurturing, honest and practical in her advice. She helped me uncover underlying challenges in motherhood while empowering me with easy tools! This was therapy in a book without belittling my experience or being so sciencey that I was lost!

I will recommend this to ALL of my mom friends!

[Katy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Huge thanks to NetGalley to read and review this book. I have to say, I’m not one to read self-help books, but this was WIDE OPENING. I highly recommend it for any mom, parent, or guardian- especially those with littles. I wish I had access to the PDF because I honestly would have done the work while reading.

[Meredith Gardner · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 stars. I listened to this on audiobook and feel like it would have been better in hard copy form because there are a lot of self reflection questions. This is a great book especially for newer moms as they learn to honor their own wants and needs while being a good mother.

[Kelsey McGinty · Rating 4 out of 5]

Mom yourself like you mom your kids. Great points and fairly practical in re-evaluating your perspective on many aspects of mom-ing.

[Xylia · Rating 5 out of 5]

4.5✨ rounded up.
Practical advice for overwhelmed mums.

[Cheyenne Hamel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Practical, digestible, written by a psychologist and more about action steps toward solutions / new approaches than identifying the problems

[Heather · Rating 1 out of 5]

Eh seems like common sense stuff? Not for me.

[Bekki Flesner · Rating 5 out of 5]

so good. tangible. good ideas. affirming. highly recommend!!!!

[Milena Penner · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5⭐️