This is a book that I would not have chosen myself. It was a birthday gift. And the thing about gifts is that they draw on the gifters own knowledge of both the book and me. Clearly it's something that he thinks that I would like. And, in this way, my horizons are expanded. I'm introduced to literature that I otherwise would not find. Ok........ So what's it like? Well, first up, I have to confess that I know nothing about Bill Bailey (or nothing until I read the book). I've discovered he's both comedian and a musician; he's British but has spent a lot of time in Australia. And, above all...(from this book) is his interest...really it's more than interest...it's a LOVE of animals. All sorts of animals. A number of dogs , parrots, fish, a giant rabbit etc. Plus he describes some adventures filming with wildlife in jungles and in the ocean (with a whale shark).
He writes well...maybe a little over-flowery in passages but the book is large font and lots of white space making it seem much longer than the brief read that it actually is. I read it in under a day.
Here are a few extracts that either made me laugh or grabbed my attention for one reason or another.
"Once you venture down this path, a word of warning: be prepared to get inundated. In no time the word will be out: 'Animal soft touch - go go go!' In short order we found ourselves home to a veritable ark of forlorn guinea pigs, oddball cats, stray dogs and homeless parrots.
A bloke turned up at the door with a peacock once.
'I heard you look after animals,' he said shiftily.
'Where d'you get that?' I asked.
‘I... er... found it'
"Where?'
“Er........just up by the pub.”
I imagine the fox was thinking, 'This rabbit is an easy mark ... He hasn't seen me... Ok, always approach from the rear... It's oblivious to my threat... What a loser! Ha!' The fox pounced, but before he got his teeth in, the rabbit had launched itself backwards and kicked back powerfully with its two hind legs. It was like a spring-loaded trap and whacked the hapless fox with tremendous force, full in the face.
It was the fox's turn to leap backwards and slink away....
At one point, however, the road seemed bumpier than before and the rutted road seemed to merge with the desert.
Stop for a minute, I said.
As the car rolled to a halt, we turned off the engine
and got out.
There was no road. That is, we were not on a road.
We had left the road some way back and were now in the middle of the desert.
Kris: 'I thought it was a bit bumpier.'
I'd wrongly assumed the desert would be a bleak and empty place, devoid of life, yet the opposite is true. It is, in fact, quite stunningly beautiful and teeming with life.
All around, a profusion of different desert flora bloomed, stubbornly clinging to life. The striking red of Sturt's Desert Pea, the bluish button grass, the ancient, gnarled mallee trees conjured a captivating landscape of shapes and colours.
After I left school, I travelled a bit, set up a comedy club in Bath and invited acts to perform there. In that same year I was performing with a school friend, Toby, in a double act called the Rubber Bishops and it was after a gig with the Bishops in Edinburgh that I met Kris, who then moved to London. After a brief spell co-habiting on a houseboat on the Thames we moved to Hammersmith in west London and have lived there ever since.
The plan was to be hoisted up that night, spend the night in a hammock high in the canopy and observe the splendour of the dawn chorus the next morning. But not to be too indelicate, I was, as Samuel Pepys might say in his diary, ' much troubled by a looseness'.
‘Simon Pegg to star alongside Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible.’ A photo accompanies the article, in which the two of them appear smiling, tanned and impossibly glamorous.
I glance from the photo to the compacted otter turds
in my hand.
Have I made the right choices in life?
In fact, the great adventurer Redmond O'Hanlon described eating piranha as 'like sucking lard off a hairbrush', which I can attest through my own experience is an accurate description, which made me wonder if once, perhaps in a fit of madness or drug-fuelled experimentation, he actually had sucked lard off a hairbrush.
Am I a better person for reading this? Hmm. Maybe. I appreciate his love of animals; I know a bit more about Bill Bailey; I enjoyed his sense of humour; His self-deprecation and his zest for life. Three stars from me.