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422 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 18, 2018



“Until a few hours ago, Brendan was just the horrible kidnapper psychopath that lured me into his trap. The person I was terrified of. The evil, evil guy who gave me knockout drops and stuck me in a box. Who apparently stalked me for months. Until a few hours ago, he didn’t have a past—he was my kidnapper, and that was that. Now, all of a sudden, he’s a human being with feelings. Someone who’s been hurt. Like, really hurt.”
“It’s a quiet place,” Brendan says from behind me. Of course he’s behind me— we’re chained together, after all. “Can’t hear anything here but the bubbling water and a couple of cheeky birds. Spend a little time here, it’s like your spirit dissolves into the ether. You become one with the air and the water.”

“I tested the chloroform on myself,” he says. “I mean, I was trying to knock you out, not kill you.” He is clearly totally insane. “Water was always easier to keep down afterward.” “You did it more than once?” “Four times.” He shrugs like it’s nothing, and then offers me the water bottle with an emphatic gesture. “Drink!” It’s not a request.
“Where I grew up, might makes right, and here, that’s me, not you. Sorry.” He pushes himself up from the bench and looks down at me. “I know how hard this is for you.” Hard? “I’ll do everything I can to make it more bearable. When you’re angry, be angry. When you’re sad, be sad. I’m not going to forbid you to have feelings. I can handle them until things get better. If you think you want to spit on me or whatever, then do it, but don’t overdo it. There’s only one thing I absolutely forbid you from trying.” Every second I spend listening to him talk is making me more confused and agitated. “What’s that?” “Escaping.” That word is my only hope, and he snaps it in such a steely voice that it’s like the sound alone is enough to break every bone in my body.
“When the lake by the cabin freezes, you can hear it singing itself to sleep. For days on end, these haunting melodies fill the cove— like whale song, like a giant blowing across glass bottles. And then these high, crystalline glass- harp tones... and noises like enormous water droplets falling onto the floor of a cave. And the fog is an army of ghosts dancing across the ice in time to the music, and the wolves howl in the background.”
“Didn’t you ever have friends? Or a girl you liked?” “Relationships leave you vulnerable to abandonment. I can’t stand being abandoned, so I put up walls.” “But you don’t have them up around me?” I open his fingers, and the gravel tumbles to the ground. His empty hand lies there stiffly between mine like a dead man’s, like maybe he’s afraid to move it. “No,” he whispers. “Why not?” I whisper back. “Because I made sure you can’t leave me, so I don’t have to protect myself as much. The minute I saw you, everything was different. It was like I could see things through your eyes... life and stuff, I mean. You were a ray of sunshine in a dark cave.”
“I wouldn’t kidnap you, I wouldn’t drug you... I wouldn’t touch you... but it’s too late, I can’t go back. I don’t want to lose you. Especially not now that I’ve gotten to know you. At first I just hoped you could make me happy. Now I know you do.”
It’s just how it was back then. The first time. Bren glances over at me, and the red sunlight dances in his eyes. I remember the question I saw in those eyes a year ago, the one he was only asking me in his heart. Do you want this? I know the answer now.
