A Life Less Punishing: 13 Ways to Love the Life You've Got

by Matt Heath

Why is it that no matter how good things get, we still feel dissatisfied? A few years ago, Matt Heath decided to find a way to live a life less punishing. He took a deep dive into why we feel the way we do and how to change it, interviewing leading international thinkers in neuroscience, philosophy, biology and psychology on the reasons behind our unwelcome emotions: anger, worry, stress, loneliness and many more.

Are you grumpy, bored, stressed, or blowing up over stuff that doesn't matter? Then read this book. Turns out, once you have the tools to unpack and take charge of your emotions, life gets better - for you, your mates and your family.

Witty, wise, irreverent and eminently readable, this is the book you need if you want to live a happier, better life.

Genres: Nonfiction

288 pages, Paperback

First published May 28, 2024

About the author

Matt Heath is a well-known broadcaster, producer, actor, podcaster, TV personality and sports commentator. As well as co-hosting The Matt & Jerry Show on Radio Hauraki and the Daily Bespoke podcast, he is the co-owner of production company Vinewood Motion Graphics. For ten years he wrote a weekly column for the New Zealand Herald. Matt lives in Auckland city and is a father of two.

Reviews

[Hugo Lester · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice

[Bretski67 · Rating 4 out of 5]

'A Life Less Punishing: 13 Ways to Love the Life You've Got' by Matt Heath. I used to think Matt Heath was a hilarious buffoon. A bit of a lightweight. Not so. He's written a gem of a book that helps you deal with difficult emotional states. Each chapter has an emotion as its subject - Angry? Dissatisfied? Scared? Lonely? Offended? Stressed? .... Grieving? etc. He draws on the collective wisdom of ancient Stoic philosophers (Seneca, Epictetus, Marcus Aurelius) and more modern philosophers, neuroscientists and psychologists (Alain De Botton, Sam Harris, William B. Irvine, Oliver Burkeman, Prof. Scott Galloway, Dr Anna Lembke + many more) to outline strategies to counter or cope with these emotions. The main things I got out of this book were: - learn to value what is important and what is not; find a purpose; we are here for a short time, so make the most of it (cosmic insignificance and finitude theory). It's a fun, but at the same time, serious read. Like us all, Heath has done some things in his life that he's regretted, but the friction and struggle makes us what we are. 4.5/5

[Cameron De Leijer · Rating 4 out of 5]

was good. don't think I was ready to read another self help book so quickly though

[Rosa Blake · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked it, some things aren’t that relatable but interesting to see someone else’s perspective.

Some of my fav bits:
- whatever moment you’re in now, you’ll never get back
- using your own name when talking to yourself creates emotional distance and allows you to gain perspective
- you can perceive events so that they don’t annoy you
- assume the best of people
- your chances of being born were one in many hundreds of trillions. You are lucky to exist.

[Charlottemenhennet · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was really good!! Don’t know if much stuck with me, but I really enjoyed the book and It definitely made me think about a few things 🤞

[Mick Lister · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a great set of yarns and associated philosophical take-aways from Matt Heath, a man who has changed my world view over the last decade or so. Anyway you seem busy, I’ll let you go. Bless x3, give ‘em a taste of Kiwi from me.

[Chanté Autar · Rating 5 out of 5]

LIFE-CHANGING (and I’m not exaggerating). Finding a book on mindset that truly helps you improve how you live your life is rare, but A Life Less Punishing: 13 Ways to Love the Life You’ve Got by Matt Heath delivered from chapter one. His grounded, relatable writing and real-life examples make this book feel like a conversation with a wise, supportive friend.

What stood out to me was how powerfully it encouraged reflection. Matt’s insights and stories prompted me to reevaluate how I approach challenges and appreciate the blessings I’ve taken for granted. It’s not just a book you read—it’s a book that inspires change.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD, and this book became a source of comfort during the overwhelming process of getting my diagnosis and starting medication. Matt’s words were like a steady hand on my shoulder, reminding me to embrace self-compassion and to keep moving forward.

I can’t stop recommending this book to everyone I know. If you’re reading this review, take it as your sign to pick up a copy or if you can’t afford it, grab it from the library or request they order it in. You won’t regret it.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a long time Matt Heath follow and fan, I was so pleased to hear he’d put all his words of wisdom into a book. I’ve always loved his no nonsense, common sense and well-informed approach to life, and this book captures it all. I found this book highly relatable and engaging, layered with history and unashamed personal anecdotes. Love you. Bless bless bless.

[Carsonator Higgins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting and funny

[Nicola Ekdahl · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just listened to this ‘cos I’ve missed Matt after he’d left Radio Hauraki breakfast show and I enjoyed it SO much that I’m thinking of purchasing it.

So many great stories that help explain emotive responses - everyday, ordinary reactions like annoyance and anger…I found the book surprisingly helpful! And in this moment, I have a letter of dispute to write for my business and I’ve thought… ‘what would Matt do?’ Not even worry about it!! That’s what Matt would do….write them a Chrissy card and wish them all the best.

I found he narrated his book a little too quick though - I needed to pause and think about things and he’d moved on so quickly!

[Maggie · Rating 4 out of 5]

really good advice for like. not massive problems. lots of stuff going on for me that this book can't touch, but it's really useful thinking for the stuff that it can. really fun and funny read too!

[Rosie Forbes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really into my Kiwi books and this was a great one! Well written, easy to read and thought provoking

[Meke · Rating 1 out of 5]

It was frustratingly long-winded in that typical Kiwi way, just dragging on with things I, and assuming many others, already knows, with no real structure. I honestly couldn’t get through it. I usually don’t stop reading books halfway, but I’m genuinely glad I did with this one—I just couldn’t go any further. No idea why it gets such high ratings. Total mystery.

[Amy Black · Rating 4 out of 5]

A life less punishing is a refreshing self-help book which isn’t really your typical self-help book. As someone who despises self-help books myself I genuinely loved this and felt it is a book I can relate to. Written by someone who owns up to being the last person who should be giving advice probably makes him the perfect person to write a book like this. The author has screwed up a lot and knows how not to do things. We think much higher of ourselves than we ought, our worlds revolve around our self-centred inner worlds, and we crave and lust after things we think will complete our lives but they simply don’t- we quickly lose interest in the latest “new thing” and then start the look out for the next thing. There is much freedom in the advice he gives- instead of searching for the perfect friend, focus on the one you’ve got and settle there, when you’ve monumentally screwed up or embarrassed yourself remember that no one will remember us in a couple of centuries… we are but dust and will return to dust. He essentially boils it down to the truth that really we’re not that important and we can learn to laugh at ourselves, let go of our stupid failures and forgive the stupid failures of others. What a wonderful, hope filled book! I’ll finish on a quote “With our eye on our mortality every second we have becomes precious… From another perspective, but with death still in mind, even then mundane things can have meaning.”

[Richard Law · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great book full of actual ideas to try out, and a useful reference.

I think a useful addition would have been an exploration of laziness, or perhaps better termed "sloth" or "acedia", even "spiritual boredom", which might have come out of an engagement with some of the thinkers from Christian monasticism. There's a relatively short chapter on boredom, but it's really focussed on the idea of grinding through necessary-but-boring tasks, and not a general emotional malaise that I think a lot of people experience; one that goes beyond situational boredom, into a consistent sense of undirected anxiety and an inability to concentrate (made worse by devices).

However, this book is full of useful refeences to more books (and videos, podcasts, etc.) to dive deeper into these ideas, and I've added a number of these to my list of books to read next. It's well worth getting a copy of this book, particularly as it's very funny on top of being interesting.

[Smitchy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have found it! A self-help / Personal Development book that might actually help!
Matt Heath is a New Zealand radio host, film maker and comedian who has put his personal quest to improve his life by studying up on philosophers both ancient and modern. I think why this book resonated with me when so many self-help books leave me cold is that Matt doesn't try to make one single idea fit every situation. Too many self-help people try to pretend their one single idea is a panacea for any and all areas of your life and in reality there is no such thing. Instead Matt picks and chooses; he finds ideas that suit certain situations and shows us how he applies those ideas to those situations.
There is humour, humility, and a good bit of common sense. I will be reading / listening to this one again.

[Sangita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Matt Heath summarises well and the stories are great! Written in a less preachy, more entertaining style.

It's a straight-talking book about looking after yourself—keeping active, not getting caught up in your own head, and being a decent human being to the people around you. A good intro to this type of book.

Having read a lot of these types of books there was nothing new, but Matt Heath tells it in a way that will resonate with some, where other books might not.

I would give it 3.5🌟 if I could

[Di · Rating 2 out of 5]

Subtitled "13 ways to love the life you've got," the book covers ways in which you can learn to better love your life whether you are angry, dissatisfied, scared, lonely, offended, stressed, humiliated, greedy, annoyed, bored, worried, grieving or aimless - with a chapter devoted to each. The author is apparently a comedian who hails from New Zealand, and he draws his advice largely from the Stoics, in particular Marcus Aurelius but also from the 80s TV show "The greatest American hero" along with his own life lessons. It was pop psychology that was mildly entertaining.

[Conor Dykes · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book club read, not my usual choice of book. I think I'm sort of primed to not enjoy self help books just because I have this impression that they have made 5 good lessons in them that get stretched out for a whole book. This book, at least, was fairly short and so it didn't feel like it overstayed it's welcome. Each chapter is about like a different emotion or problem you might be facing and obviously because of that you can relate and enjoy some chapters more than others. Not a bad book, but I don't think anything in here was revolutionary or something we hadn't heard before.

[Simone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Relatable, easy to read book, peppered with self deprecating and often funny anecdotes. Matt has done the hard work of researching, talking to the experts and deciphering philosophical and psychological info into simple everyday language so that you don’t have to. Covering topics including anger, loneliness, dissatisfaction, anxiety, stress, shame and grief, you’re sure to pick up a few tips and tools to reframe your life into one that is more enjoyable. 4.5/5 ⭐️

[Elizabeth Feeney · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a quick and easy to follow read. There are some good references to Philosophy, but I was hoping for more of this. I didn’t realise the public profile of the writer when I bought this book and thought it would have more links to Philosophical concepts, but can understand this wasn’t necessarily the books intention.. it’s nothing amazing but it does have some interesting points for light reading.

[Jordan Oppert · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recently listened to a podcast with Matt Heath on Between Two Beers which had some genuinely game changing/inspiring advice (especially when it comes to grief) and I wanted more.. this book absolutely fulfilled that. Philosophical, factual, funny.. practical and relatable. One of those books I’m sure I’ll go back to, to read certain chapters again when needed too. What a great NZ’er!

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I finished A Life Less Punishing and read up a bit about Matt Heath, I had no idea he was the Matt Heath of Alternative Commentary Collective fame. Bit of a surprise considering how irreverent the ACC is and how thought provoking and well written A Life Less Punishing is. Just shows that Matt Heath is a man of many talents and he can now add author to that list.

[Christie Arcus · Rating 5 out of 5]

A self help book less punishing!

Loved the practical advice, humility and appreciated that he didn’t insist I rise at 4am for a cold shower and an hour’s meditation to unlock happiness. Can’t wait to read some of the books referenced and highlighted loads of sections to refer back to.

[Sharon Daly · Rating 4 out of 5]

It started a bit shaky for me … lots of quoting of ancient philosophers etc but it became magically entertaining and witty and I started to really enjoy it. I even broke out the highlighter in chapter two. There’s a lot of thought-provoking simple sage advice in here. Well done mate.

[Klaas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who would have thought that Matt Heath would write a book full of wisdom on how to lead a better life. Easy to read and full of helpful and actionable life advice backed up by research and relatable personal anecdotes

[Simon Tate · Rating 3 out of 5]

A nice lighthearted introduction to self-help books. Most ideas in here have been expressed in many books before but must be mentioned nonetheless. This one also benefits from a uniquely kiwi tone of voice.

[Sophie B · Rating 2 out of 5]

Probably not the best audience and only really intended to skim read. Nothing that new for me, lots of quoting other people who I had read.
If new to the subject I think it would be a good overview and included story elements as well as the factual content

[J S · Rating 5 out of 5]

Matt Heath has been there & done that. A Kiwi icon who has done the research & homework and put in his book (which men relate well to) how to work through issues from past and present with success. Thanks Matt

[Gareth Coakley · Rating 5 out of 5]

My life will be a lot less punishing from here on out