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Toxic Feedback: Helping Writers Survive and Thrive
All writers have stories of how some teacher, workshop participant, friend, or spouse gave them commentary that undermined their confidence and their writing. This “toxic feedback” has tainted feedback's reputation as a whole, causing too many writers to avoid or mismanage this valuable resource. In the first book to focus on this vital but delicate dynamic, Joni B. Cole applies first-person experience, real-life teaching examples, and her own unique ability to entertain while reaffirming the many merits of feedback. Cole shows writers how to use feedback to energize and inform their writing at every stage of the process. For feedback providers, she delivers insights into constructive criticism and the difference between being heard and being obnoxious. Finally, she offers advice to workshops and critique groups on how to thrive in this collective experience. In addition, established writers ranging from Julia Alvarez and Khaled Hosseini to Gregory Maguire and Jodi Picoult share their own feedback stories -- from useful to inspiring to deranged -- underscoring Cole's message that feedback plays a critical role in every writer's success. Through a mixture of instruction, anecdotes, and moral support, Cole manages to detoxify the feedback process with humor and without laying blame, inspiring both sides of the interaction to make the most of this powerful resource.
- GenresWritingNonfiction
168 pages, Paperback
First published July 31, 2006
5 people are currently reading
47 people want to read
About the author
Joni B. Cole
10 books66 followersJoni B. Cole is the author of the new release Good Naked: Reflections on How to Write More, Write Better, and Be Happier ("Joyful, tough-minded, and heartening, these pages offer encouragement to anyone from beginners to experienced writers. Good Naked is one of the best books for writers I’ve read in a very long time."—Cynthia Huntington, National Book Award Finalist, poetry). Joni's acclaimed first book on writing, Toxic Feedback: Helping Writers Survive and Thrive, is “strongly recommended” for students and teachers by Library Journal. (“I can’t imagine a better guide to [writing’s] rewards and perils than this fine book,” American Book Review.) Joni is also the author of Another Bad-Dog Book: Essays on Life, Love, and Neurotic Human Behavior, and a contributor to The Writer magazine. She serves on the faculty of the New Hampshire Institute of Art, teaches in the Master of Arts in Liberal Studies program at Dartmouth College, and is founder of the Writer’s Center of White River Junction, Vermont. Joni has been nominated for both a Pushcart Prize and USA Fellowship Award. For more information: jonibcole.com
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
February 11, 2009
I have always thought of myself as "thicked skinned" when it comes to receiving feedback on my writing (and to be put more generally, life). And while it was easy to sort of brush off criticism, I never imagined there was a proactive way to manage that feedback (even that which I might have labeled as the worst or useless feedback) into improving my writing whether it was creative pieces or things I was assigned at work. This book has given me a whole new perspective, and even more importantly, the tools to channel all feedback into productive and useful responses that give me a fresh and different angle on my work.
One of the elements I found the most useful in the book was the clear and concise models for not only receiving but also giving feedback. Another great element is the fantastic examples of published authors who have experienced feedback that almost kept from them writing. There are examples from authors such as Khaled Hosseini who wrote the Kite Runner, which was almost never published and an interview with American poet laureate Ted Kooser (to name a few).
Finally, as someone who attends writing workshops, I have highly recommend this book to all my peers. Joni lays out tips and ideas for successful writing groups including how to respond proactively to group members' work and how to maintain a professional but comfortable environment where people are not afraid to share their work. It has helped me enormously in my participation in writing groups.
Toxic Feedback will remain a book I turn to over and over again. If I am down on my writing I will re-read Jodi Picoult or Sarah Stewart Taylor's experiences. Whenever I don't feel particularly appreciative of a certain response or if I a not sure how to approach another person's work. This book is such a great tool, anyone who has even ever thought about writing should have it on their shelf, right next to William Strunk, Jr.'s "The Elements of Style".
December 11, 2014
I have a (fetish? Addiction?) need for books about the writing process, and by writing process, I mean from blank page to publishing contract. I picked this book up both as a writer wanting to get more from the feedback I'm given, as well as some ideas of how to be a better critique-r. I found plenty of both, even after years of writing and being a member of some pretty awesome writing groups. There was not so much of the specific editing "how-to" (for that I recommend Bell's "The Artful Edit") but there WAS a plethora of advice, anecdotes, and interviews. I've got a few good ideas for improving my critiques of others, especially now as I sit down with the stack if next week's writers' group submissions. A definite recommend.
August 20, 2022
If I were teaching a writing course, I'd use a few texts - "Telling Writing" (Macrorie), maybe "Writing Without Teachers" (Elbow), and this one. Breezily written without being flip, it's a great guide for both teachers and students on how to give, receive, and work with feedback on written work.
Not much of the feedback that we get on our writing is useful. Too much of it is just gushing or bashing. Cole's book unpacks what makes for constructive feedback, and how to steer people away from giving both positive and negative feedback that isn't constructive. (You can yes a work to death just as easily as you can no it to death.)
If you're planning on getting notes on your work, or giving notes, sit down with this one for an afternoon. It pays dividends.
Not much of the feedback that we get on our writing is useful. Too much of it is just gushing or bashing. Cole's book unpacks what makes for constructive feedback, and how to steer people away from giving both positive and negative feedback that isn't constructive. (You can yes a work to death just as easily as you can no it to death.)
If you're planning on getting notes on your work, or giving notes, sit down with this one for an afternoon. It pays dividends.
March 25, 2018
Toxic Feedback was written by an author to authors about the whole feedback process. But it would be a great book for anyone giving or receiving feedback. Oh wait that's all of us.
The book is divided into three parts. The first part talks about receiving feedback, the second part talks about giving feedback and the third part talks about the mechanics of running a feedback group for writers.
Favorite quote: Almost every writer [body] has a story, some sad tale about how a teacher, fellow writer, critique group or workshop, friend, boss, spouse, parent, agent, editor, or rogue reader provided them with toxic feedback that made them feel really, really lousy.
The book is divided into three parts. The first part talks about receiving feedback, the second part talks about giving feedback and the third part talks about the mechanics of running a feedback group for writers.
Favorite quote: Almost every writer [body] has a story, some sad tale about how a teacher, fellow writer, critique group or workshop, friend, boss, spouse, parent, agent, editor, or rogue reader provided them with toxic feedback that made them feel really, really lousy.
February 12, 2019
This book was lent to me by a friend who took a class led by the writer. I don’t normally read a ton of books on writing but I’m glad I gave this one a shot. She is SO funny and relatable but still with such a unique voice. A must read for anyone invoked in critique.
November 19, 2021
oni Cole discusses what to do and what not to do in reviewing others' writing and receiving reviews, and gives pointers for holding writing workshops.
As a writer and a longtime writing workshop member, I found this book very useful. I've experienced most of the forms of toxic feedback she describes (and worse). In particular, I liked what she had to say about learning styles, about not overwhelming the reviewee with too much information or too much large-scale negative commentary, and about assessing a work in terms of what it is trying to do, not trying to make it into something else.
Vengefully, I wanted more castigation of toxic-feedback-givers, but it really wouldn't have been necessary.
I think this book is a must for anyone involved in a writing workshop or creative writing instruction.
As a writer and a longtime writing workshop member, I found this book very useful. I've experienced most of the forms of toxic feedback she describes (and worse). In particular, I liked what she had to say about learning styles, about not overwhelming the reviewee with too much information or too much large-scale negative commentary, and about assessing a work in terms of what it is trying to do, not trying to make it into something else.
Vengefully, I wanted more castigation of toxic-feedback-givers, but it really wouldn't have been necessary.
I think this book is a must for anyone involved in a writing workshop or creative writing instruction.
September 6, 2022
Written primarily for writers, Cole also understands feedback from a teacher's or editor's viewpoint, it's a rounded approach. Cruel feedback, especially from authority figures like teachers, can be very harmful to beginning writers. On the other hand, many author's don't gracefully accept suggestions, and unless your name will sell 5 million copies, this may be career wrecking. While a small amount of writers edit themselves, most of us need beta readers, friends, colleagues and editors to finish a book.
In the end though, the author has to decide what to to with feedback, there's some good advice on this topic and a section on running writer's workshops, one method of accessing a number of early readers. A useful book on one aspect of the art of writing.
In the end though, the author has to decide what to to with feedback, there's some good advice on this topic and a section on running writer's workshops, one method of accessing a number of early readers. A useful book on one aspect of the art of writing.
December 6, 2023
People with an interest in writing classes or writing workshops should read this book. It really puts the experience and its many benefits (and pitfalls) in perspective. It also speaks to being human, and being a good human being. On top of all this, the author has a truly wonderful sense of humor!
I am not aware of another book on this topic. Later this evening I am going to pass my copy on to a writing friend who I know will find it as useful as I have.
I am not aware of another book on this topic. Later this evening I am going to pass my copy on to a writing friend who I know will find it as useful as I have.
November 9, 2023
Just finished TOXIC FEEDBACK. Substitute the word "life" for "story" and Joni B. Cole has written the book I should've read at 18. A masterclass in how to move through a process (life/writing) as both an authentic and informed person. Fortifying.
November 2, 2023
Very helpful book for writers.
January 11, 2012
I have to admit, when I heard Joni Cole had asked Write Anything to review her book Toxic Feedback (University Press of New England, 2006)--an elemental discussion on how to give and take criticism, I was looking forward to reading it. I just finished the final edit of my current thriller ( is it ever really final in the writing world?), which meant I no longer had to submit to the well-intentioned-but-depressing opinions of my writer's group. They just don't understand how to provide positive critiques--the type that motivate a writer to do better and not give up. Every time I've been the bulls eye of their reviews, I've come home swearing to never write again. There are two possible reasons: 1) the members don't know how to critique, or 2) I don't know how to accept criticism.
Or both. Who knows? Either way, when this opportunity showed up in my email box, I figured the Universe was talking to me.
Granted, I didn't miss the conundrum of critiquing a book on criticism. What if I didn't like Cole's book? Could she accept my 'toxic criticism'?
A little background on Joni Cole. She's the creator of the popular series This Day and 2011 Pushcart Prize nominee, as well as a leader of fiction-writing workshops for over ten years. Within the first ten pages, I knew Cole understood me. I, like so many writers I know, am sensitive, easily-insulted, always with a brave front that is only skin deep, desperate for acceptance of my novel, sure that despite my nine published books, I am not any good and my naysayers have seen through my kingly trappings. When I get the writer's blues, it's more like the blacks. Cole provided armor against the toxic criticism of my well-intentioned friends. She shares information like:
* only 14% of feedback is dead on (I am so relieved). The rest is from people who don't know our genre or have a personal agenda that doesn't include the success of our manuscript
* most criticism isn't as bad as it sounds. We at the receiving end of it merely think it's a razor blade aimed at our jugular.
* we are the boss of our story, not them. We decide if a character is shallow or a scene needs more sex or truth should be replaced with more exciting prose
Cole's book is easy to read, with lots of anecdotal experiences from successful writers about their experiences with toxic feedback. She addresses the nightmare of a writer's world with a light sense of humor and a depth of understanding that tells me she's seen one too many flawed critiques. Of course she has. Cole's writer's workshops attempt to guide new authors not only in writing skills but how to handle the inevitable criticism that comes with the territory. Most of us equate 'feedback' with 'criticism'. She explains the concept of feedback, defines it, discusses it from the viewpoint of those who give and those who receive, shares educated thoughts on its relevance in a writer's ultimate success. She offers ways to tell writers if feedback is true (such as, is there a consensus of opinion on a particular point) and tips for processing it (resist the urge to explain your position; ignore feedback until you are ready for it). Cole has a folksy, friendly voice that makes me want to listen, like a friend who understands my concerns, my backstory. She reminds readers that 'criticism' is neutral. It isn't always the bad stuff. As often (or more often--maybe as much as 3:1) it should be what the writer is doing correctly so they don't throw the baby out with the bath water. She even provides guidance for taking criticism from your editor (you don't have to capitulate) for those of us with editors who actually... edit.
In short, I liked everything about this book--except for one item: the cover. Skeletal hands slapped over a keyboard? Is that really the intent of her book? Cover notwithstanding, I strongly recommend this for everyone involved in a critique group, writing a book or leading a writer's feedback group to be sure everyone approaches critiquing in a non-toxic manner.
Or both. Who knows? Either way, when this opportunity showed up in my email box, I figured the Universe was talking to me.
Granted, I didn't miss the conundrum of critiquing a book on criticism. What if I didn't like Cole's book? Could she accept my 'toxic criticism'?
A little background on Joni Cole. She's the creator of the popular series This Day and 2011 Pushcart Prize nominee, as well as a leader of fiction-writing workshops for over ten years. Within the first ten pages, I knew Cole understood me. I, like so many writers I know, am sensitive, easily-insulted, always with a brave front that is only skin deep, desperate for acceptance of my novel, sure that despite my nine published books, I am not any good and my naysayers have seen through my kingly trappings. When I get the writer's blues, it's more like the blacks. Cole provided armor against the toxic criticism of my well-intentioned friends. She shares information like:
* only 14% of feedback is dead on (I am so relieved). The rest is from people who don't know our genre or have a personal agenda that doesn't include the success of our manuscript
* most criticism isn't as bad as it sounds. We at the receiving end of it merely think it's a razor blade aimed at our jugular.
* we are the boss of our story, not them. We decide if a character is shallow or a scene needs more sex or truth should be replaced with more exciting prose
Cole's book is easy to read, with lots of anecdotal experiences from successful writers about their experiences with toxic feedback. She addresses the nightmare of a writer's world with a light sense of humor and a depth of understanding that tells me she's seen one too many flawed critiques. Of course she has. Cole's writer's workshops attempt to guide new authors not only in writing skills but how to handle the inevitable criticism that comes with the territory. Most of us equate 'feedback' with 'criticism'. She explains the concept of feedback, defines it, discusses it from the viewpoint of those who give and those who receive, shares educated thoughts on its relevance in a writer's ultimate success. She offers ways to tell writers if feedback is true (such as, is there a consensus of opinion on a particular point) and tips for processing it (resist the urge to explain your position; ignore feedback until you are ready for it). Cole has a folksy, friendly voice that makes me want to listen, like a friend who understands my concerns, my backstory. She reminds readers that 'criticism' is neutral. It isn't always the bad stuff. As often (or more often--maybe as much as 3:1) it should be what the writer is doing correctly so they don't throw the baby out with the bath water. She even provides guidance for taking criticism from your editor (you don't have to capitulate) for those of us with editors who actually... edit.
In short, I liked everything about this book--except for one item: the cover. Skeletal hands slapped over a keyboard? Is that really the intent of her book? Cover notwithstanding, I strongly recommend this for everyone involved in a critique group, writing a book or leading a writer's feedback group to be sure everyone approaches critiquing in a non-toxic manner.
January 12, 2011
I joined a writing group recently. So when I saw a book at the library entitled Toxic Feedback, geared at teaching writers how best to use and to give feedback from/to other authors, I immediately wanted it.
Sadly, this book was mostly a pity-fest. The section on Taking Feedback from Others was pretty much a long, woebegone whine that sometimes feedback can be icky. Some people only tell you, "The whole thing sucked." Some people just don't like killing animals, so any scene you write (no matter how poignant) which includes animal death cannot please them.
This section takes well over a hundred pages and is mostly sob stories of "Bad Feedback Happens."
The section on Giving Feedback was much shorter and pretty much said "constructive is better" and "don't count the number of times the same thing annoys you; just give an overall mention."
Seriously? That's it? That's the whole book? What about "how to recognize toxic feedback"? Or "how to use conflicting feedback"? And I still don't know much about being a really good IRL feedback provider! (I do my best, but I wanted pointers.)
In other words, don't bother with this book. It's lame.
Sadly, this book was mostly a pity-fest. The section on Taking Feedback from Others was pretty much a long, woebegone whine that sometimes feedback can be icky. Some people only tell you, "The whole thing sucked." Some people just don't like killing animals, so any scene you write (no matter how poignant) which includes animal death cannot please them.
This section takes well over a hundred pages and is mostly sob stories of "Bad Feedback Happens."
The section on Giving Feedback was much shorter and pretty much said "constructive is better" and "don't count the number of times the same thing annoys you; just give an overall mention."
Seriously? That's it? That's the whole book? What about "how to recognize toxic feedback"? Or "how to use conflicting feedback"? And I still don't know much about being a really good IRL feedback provider! (I do my best, but I wanted pointers.)
In other words, don't bother with this book. It's lame.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 20, 2023
Toxic Feedback should be required reading for teachers.
Toxic Feedback is an invaluable tool for writers (seasoned and beginner), but is a must read for teachers at ALL levels of writing. If I could, I would gift Toxic Feedback to every teacher I know, from middle school to graduate school. In fact, it should be listed on every graduate program syllabus in teaching and writing.
We’ve all had that teacher who dashed our writing dreams with red ink. But if we were lucky, a compassionate teacher came along and mended our confidence with useful feedback that made us want to polish our rough piece into a shining gem. Toxic Feedback is a lesson in how to be that teacher. Feedback is a powerful tool and Joni shows us to harness that power for good.
For writers, Toxic Feedback teaches us how to take feedback and use it when—and if—it is useful in moving our writing forward. It teaches writers to listen in a way that is beneficial, not destructive to our writing process.
Joni’s thoughts on feedback are useful in our everyday lives. We should all think about how we give and receive feedback in all things we do, and this book reminds us how.
Toxic Feedback is an invaluable tool for writers (seasoned and beginner), but is a must read for teachers at ALL levels of writing. If I could, I would gift Toxic Feedback to every teacher I know, from middle school to graduate school. In fact, it should be listed on every graduate program syllabus in teaching and writing.
We’ve all had that teacher who dashed our writing dreams with red ink. But if we were lucky, a compassionate teacher came along and mended our confidence with useful feedback that made us want to polish our rough piece into a shining gem. Toxic Feedback is a lesson in how to be that teacher. Feedback is a powerful tool and Joni shows us to harness that power for good.
For writers, Toxic Feedback teaches us how to take feedback and use it when—and if—it is useful in moving our writing forward. It teaches writers to listen in a way that is beneficial, not destructive to our writing process.
Joni’s thoughts on feedback are useful in our everyday lives. We should all think about how we give and receive feedback in all things we do, and this book reminds us how.
January 9, 2010
Joni B. Cole addresses neuroses and offers strategies for making a writing group work for you: “Be open…. Resist the urge to explain….Ignore feedback until you are ready for it….Try out the feedback….Give yourself time.” She makes feedback sound like a partnership, not a pecking order. Her suggestions give me room to breathe, grow, and ignore what does not work.
Cole’s writing sparkles with humor and honesty. She shows what works while celebrating growth she has seen, and the power of positive feedback. Advice from eleven well-known authors reinforces the importance of feedback being a tool, not a mandate. Toxic Feedback makes me crave the kinds of responses that will expand my mind and make me productive.
Cole’s writing sparkles with humor and honesty. She shows what works while celebrating growth she has seen, and the power of positive feedback. Advice from eleven well-known authors reinforces the importance of feedback being a tool, not a mandate. Toxic Feedback makes me crave the kinds of responses that will expand my mind and make me productive.
Currently reading
October 11, 2011This is actually a quick read (being a pretty short book) but it provides much food for thought & great discussion ideas to talk to my husband about.
So I'll probably be 'reading' this for a bit longer.
So I'll probably be 'reading' this for a bit longer.
December 31, 2012
I loved this book. The author was so humorous and self deprecating in a confident way that I felt like she was speaking directly to me. I found her tips so helpful, and I also found that I could relate to many of the thoughts and feelings she expressed.
August 10, 2011
Well I think it's a fantastic book that every writer, writing instructor, workshop member, or person who has ever had to send food back in a restaurant should read. But of course I'm a bit biased.
August 9, 2012
A useful, practical little book to help protect against the inevitable wounds of feedback. Wish I had read this earlier than I actually did.
December 9, 2012
I loved this book. A great read to inspire confidence in giving and receiving feedback about writing.
October 21, 2013
How is that skeleton typing? This looks pretty frightening. Perfect for Halloweeen! Can't wait to read it,
January 27, 2015
Excellent book about giving and receiving feedback--useful for life, not only writing.
November 20, 2022
Wise, constructive counsel and very funny!
December 13, 2009
This book reminded me that there's a right way and a wrong way to give feedback.
Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews