Earthed: A Sci-Fi Sentient Object Romance

by Holly Wilde

Get ready for an erotic story that defies gravity.

Meet Celeste, the brilliant anthropologist who discovers that our planet is in trouble. The world isn't what it seems, in fact, it's bigger and thicker than we could have ever imagined. Not to mention, it's about to explode. The only way to save our world is for Celeste to journey beyond the stars and transform into a giant woman. As she explores the vastness of space, she discovers a love as immense as the universe a passionate bond with none other than the Earth. Prepare for an out of this world experience when you read "Earthed".

Genres: Monster Romance, Romance, Smut, Novella, Humor

57 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 23, 2024

About the author

If you’re looking to escape the boundaries of reality that we are so often confined to, then look no further. Sentient-smutty-smut and literal personification of everyday items is what you’ll find here.

Hi! it’s nice to meet you, I’m Holly “no-explanation” Wilde, and if you don’t buckle your seatbelt up for this ride, your chair will do it for you.

Follow me over on IG to get updates on my latest releases!

Reviews

[Peter Topside]

Flat earthers. Rounders. And now dick-shaped believers? How can the shape of our fair planet be the subject of so much controversy? And the wildest part of this is that it isn’t even the first erotica I’ve read with a planet as the sexual object. What the frick does that say about me?! So, our lead, Celeste, ventures into deep space to prevent a human extinction level event, involving planetary ejaculate, to save the world. And she bangs our planet until it averts all natural disasters and is left a sweaty, discombobulated, and calmed orbital object. The sex, although very strange, was highly creative and steamy. Not too filthy, but definitely far from tame. I will now go on Amazon to buy a spacesuit and a telescope, because this experience now has me interested in space exploration…and sex. You get it.

[aylin ༊⋆˚࿔ ꒰ on hiatus ꒱]

⸺ Earthed by Holly Wilde ⟢
⤿ 🌍 3.5 stars ⭑⭑⭑

I have never wheezed out an entire lung while reading erotica before. Highly recommended for a one-time, borderline religious experience (earth literally used orion’s belt and the freaking moon as a ball gag).

[Samantha ☾⋆]

Wow.. that was a journey for sure.. I don’t know how I fully feel about this one but I finished it!

[Silvy (silvylinings)]

hey guys what if it’s not climate change, what if the earth is actually just a giant phallus that needs to be f*cked to avoid leaking apocalyptic pre c*m from the polar ice caps? 🙂‍↕️

[Kimbot the Destroyer]

Normally I am all for the FMC getting hers first, but today...I take issue with her doing some face-sitting before taking the load that is literally going to save the human race. At least flip around and cover that thing with your mouth.

[Melinda]

What a wild ride this was!! What if the earth wasn’t round like we’ve always thought, but instead it was 🍆 shaped and the only way to save the planet is to take its load? If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions Holly Wilde has the answers! This was hilarious and I couldn’t get enough of the scientific explanations in the first part. Died once we got to Orion’s Belt and the moon. Not gonna be able to look at the night sky the same.

[Kelsey R]

While of course true to a sentient object romance, it was amazingly well written and kept me wanting to find out more. The creativity was astonishing.

[Libbies_library]

I'm back in my weird smut era and will not be taking any questions at this time. 💁🏻‍♀️

[WhippedStitchReads (J.A.Y) SEMI-HIATUS]

planet hood

I get it. It’s supposed to be weird and funny, even somewhat serious (because end of the world), but I can’t get over the puns.

Also funny how Leo is the sun

[Hayley ❁˛⋆]

I have zero standards at this point

[Bayley]

I considered not putting this on Goodreads, but I’m not a coward. Also, truly, this book is hilarious. I read it with a little group of friends, which is an experience I highly recommend.

This is the kind of book that I don’t know how to rate because I didn’t think it was great. There were some world building holes (did she squish the trees?), but also I do think this book was exactly what it was trying to be and I had fun reading, which is normally my definition of a five star book. Or at least a four. I definitely wouldn’t give it lower than a three because it was really very funny.

And I know the book says it is a romance. And it absolutely is not haha. These people literally do not converse. One of the plot holes is that he learns her name without her saying it. At least I think that’s one of them. Truly, this book is so wild. I feel like I can be forgiven for forgetting a few details.

[Chrissa]

Please don’t ask, I don’t have a good enough answer 😂😂

[julia]

no bc how was this even more insane 😭

[Salem ☥]

The things I read with Meag...

[Conner]

I hope I have as much confidence defending my thesis as Celeste does telling NASA the earth is a giant penis with blue balls.

[Ana Lucía]

Tremendas risas nos hemos echado

[Daniela]

{1,5⭐️}

Passei mais tempo à procura deste livro, do que me orgulho, mas here we are. I don’t regret it!
Eu e a Bárbara estamos a fortalecer a nossa amizade com smut duvidosa, and I think that’s beautiful.

Muito resumidamente, isto é o Orton e o Mundo dos Quem, versão fálica.

A terra é uma pila gigante (na verdade é todo um homem e nós vivemos na pila dele), que está excitada há séculos e está quase a ter um orgasmo, que consequentemente está a causar o aquecimento global e toda a gente na terra vai morrer afogada em espermatozóides.

Claro que ninguém questiona isto, e por isso, enviam a Celeste para o espaço, para ela ficar gigante e poder pinar a terra. Algo que ela faz de bom grado, porque CLARO que a terra é um homem gostoso.
É de apontar que a mãe dela estava na terra e tecnicamente foi fodida e esteve dentro da própria filha. She was so proud of her daughter tho🥹

Vou deixar isto aqui, para as pessoas curiosas, mas com vergonha na cara e que não vão ler o livro:

”The waters from the northern area are not melting icebergs as we believed. The icebergs look as though they are melting and pooling water into the oceans, however what is really happening is that build up of seminal fluid, often referred to as pre-cum in common circles, is releasing.”

”The moon I've spent countless nights sharing my secrets to is now the thing that shuts me up. With the belt looped around my face to keep the rock in place, I am gagged by the moon and the stars.”

[Bria]

Yeah so you know how there’s flat-earthers and round-earthers? Yeah turns out they’re both wrong! Earth is actually the penis of an invisible virginal celestial being?? And Celeste has to transform herself into a giantess (see Susan Murphy from Monsters vs Aliens, aka one of Dreamworks best movies) in order to fuck the Earth so that it doesn’t bring about what can only be described as another ice age but instead of ice it’s semen??

The extra star was because at one point this being who was a virgin what I would assume was 12hrs earlier grabbed Orion’s Belt and the Moon to form a makeshift ball gag during his second ever sexual experience, which also happened after he proposed with a ring he got from Saturn?? Virgins really be out here getting their dick wet one time and chucking a ring on it immediately huh.

[bárbara]

considerei dar 5 estrelas, mas a mãe da gaja esteve demasiado envolvida no processo. tipo ok pinar com a terra para salvar a humanidade? not even willem shakespeare could write such a masterpiece. a tua mãe não tem de saber tho


(qual é o próximo, daniela?)

[Robyn G]

Hold on to your hats for this one.
It's out of this world 😂
Honestly, Holly Wilde and her ideas man. These books literally make my day when i read them because you know it's going to be funny!

[Xtina Reads]

SAVE THE PLANET!!!!! 🌏 🤭🤭🤭

This story was so creative and ridiculous!! I had a fricken blast reading this on Earth day 🌱

[Tiffane]

I have so many unanswered questions 💀

[Charlotte Trimble-Harris]

she had to save the earth

[Shannon McCullough]

Are the ice caps melting or is it just precum from the earth?!?!

[nik drake]

I’m disappointed in me too for this one.

[Charlie]

never gonna be able to look at the moon the same way again

[Mollie]

I love the creativity of the human mind xx

[Amanda]

I loved this story about Earth on the brink of disaster and the only way to save the planet is to make it come. I enjoyed the aspects of weird science, anthropology, and mythology sprinkled throughout the story. This book was insanely creative and I give big kudos to Holly and her weird brain!

[Taylor St. John]

buddy read this book w a friend for jokes and oh my.
i don’t even believe in god but i need to go to church

[Elena]

Menudas risas me he pegado, ha tenido algún sentido la historia? No, pero un 10 por ese worldbuilding de ciencia ficción + fantasía, si señor