Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents: How to Heal, Cultivate Emotional Resilience, and Build the Life and Love You Deserve

by Sherrie Campbell

Heal the pain of growing up with emotionally abusive parents, and take the first steps toward the life—and the love—you deserve. Few things in the world have a more profound effect on your life than the parents who raised you. When your parents are pathologically self-centered, manipulative, or emotionally abusive, the pain they cause is deep and often difficult to put into words. You may experience anxiety, depression, complex post-traumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD), low self-esteem, addiction, or other mental health conditions as an adult. And you may even feel like it was somehow all your fault. But it was not your fault, and there are tools you can use to heal the trauma caused by your childhood. From the author of the self-help hit Adult Survivors of Toxic Family Members , this compassionate guide will help you gain a greater understanding of what happened in your past; transform deep pain into emotional resilience; and build the loving, meaningful relationship with yourself that you deserve. You’ll also learn to set boundaries with others, assert your needs, and overcome emotional avoidance to develop warm, loving relationships with others. Author Sherrie Campbell offers powerful skills drawn from a range of evidence-based treatments, including mindfulness, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), self-compassion, lived experience, and body-based practices to help you heal from the past and reconnect with your authentic self. A happy and healthy life is not a life without struggle—it is a journey full of meaningful lessons. Let this book guide you on the path to healing, wholeness, and self-discovery.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Audiobook, Relationships, Personal Development

Audio CD

Published March 26, 2024

Reviews

[Carla Sofia Sofia · Rating 2 out of 5]

There is a lot of validating and thoughtful material in this book. Unfortunately it is muddied by two primary flaws which made it not work for me, but could possibly be valuable for others. One, I felt there was very little nuance in the description of emotionally abusive parents. Part of the devastation of emotional abuse is when the abuser also has moments of compassion and care, even if these are just used to manipulate. Painting an abusive parent as a monster who is never loving isn't a universal experience and I really wish this book had provided more insight into navigating the difficulties of abuse with abusers who are more nuanced. Secondly, I can't stand "miracles and manifestation." It did not surprise me when the author mentioned Paulo Coelho as an influence. No thank you. Not for me, but I'm grateful for the help this book could possibly provide for others.

[Beth Harper · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was a bit disappointed in this book as it felt like there was a heavy emphasis on going no-contact with your parents, with no acknowledgement of how complicated that can be especially with aging parents in poor health, or any acknowledgment of adult survivors whose parent(s) may have already passed. It also seemed to mostly have the point of view of having two emotionally abusive parents. It was obviously written from the author’s past experience as a reference point and I wish it was more inclusive to validate the various complexities we can experience in toxic families. The sections on healing were thought provoking but also felt very generic.

[Mimi Schweid · Rating 3 out of 5]

Do you ever read a book where you kind of wish you just skimmed it? Or that it was just a tiny bit shorter or even just an essay? That was this book for me. The first 80 or so pages were very validating for me and the rest was a mixed bag of very obvious things that I think I'm either passed needing to be made aware of them or just had these conversations with my therapist before prior so it didn't feel like it was something I needed to have reiterated for me. Still, I think It was time well spent and maybe on a future reread, things will hit differently for me as a whole.

3 for the writing and content to be honest. I just don't think it was entirely for me and I probably could've skipped a lot of the chapters if I'm being honest.

[Laura Bazalgette Freeman · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is ok…it’s very validating if that is what you seek. I felt it gave a black and white portrayal of abusive parents I.e they are 100% bad all the time, and they definitely have full awareness of their behaviour, making conscious choices at all times. I believe part of the problem with abusers is their lack of understanding of why they act the way they do, usually as a result of their own terrible upbringing, as well as their failure to change their behaviour.

I would have liked to have seen content on abusive parents who are mentally ill or have addiction issues in this book. The content is heavily focused on the author’s own experience, which won’t be relevant to everyone.

It’s very focused on going no contact with parents rather than say low contact. This isn’t always realistic. It was also quite repetitive and would benefit from more practical suggestions.

If this book seems relevant to you, proceed with caution!

[jamelyn]

the first in many of the series i’d like to call: trying to decide if going no contact with my mom is the correct decision

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Why does every book like this have a random chapter of pseudo science in the middle

[sage · Rating 2 out of 5]

Too much of this was pseudoscience.

There are some points in this book I really liked. She touches on how even though your problems aren't your fault you are still the only one that can fix them, how you shouldn't criticize your past actions too harshly (at some point that helps no one), and how sometimes you just have to give up on people no matter how difficult it seems.

At some point she suggested spiritual healing, something I could just ignore if it was an offhand remark. I'm glad that it helped her move forward. Campbell also wrote that looking into astrology could help you know yourself better. I'll be honest when I say I think these things aren't true, but I saw it as largely inoffensive.

The thing actually gave me pause is the point where she goes off about how physical problems like asthma or a sore throat are because of your inner child being unhealed or something. Actual conditions caused by genetics or viruses were mentioned. Mental health is important, but at a certain point you need to see an actual doctor. This misinformation is actually dangerous and made me question everything else written.

At times this book was insightful and interesting, but way too much of it was factually inaccurate for me to give anything more than two stars.

[Tonya Vondersaar · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is helping people validate that they have been emotionally abused. It talks about how some parents are extremely narcissistic and manipulative to make you do what they want you to do. It's hard for people around you to see the abuse because it's normal when they're not around. Sometimes they pressure you into continuing a relationship with the abusive individual when in reality you need to cut off the relationship. She's teaching how to set boundaries and keep them and if people are not honoring them then you can have distance from them to protect yourself. She teaches skills to help you through the process.

[Dani Pierce · Rating 5 out of 5]

Adult Survivors of Emotionally Abusive Parents is an incredibly validating and empowering read. Sherrie Campbell puts clear, compassionate words to experiences that are often confusing and hard to name, while offering practical tools for boundaries, healing, and moving forward. It stirred up emotions but left me feeling understood and hopeful.

I also read her other book adult survivors of toxic family members, which I actually loved even more, but this one is still such a powerful resource and one I’ll return to when I need a reminder that healing is possible.

[Roberto R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gran libro, va mucho mas alla del título, es un viaje de instrospección, de compasión y aceptación. Aún siendo afortunado de tener una familia amorosa, es un gran libro para reflexionar sobre el pasado, y el futuro, es un abrazo.

[Hisgirl85 · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5/4 stars. Had exercises that I've found helpful and ones I want to try while I continue to work on healing.

[Sam Funez · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5! Has some good stuff in there but overall repetitive and generic, and feels like she’s venting her own stuff half the time

[Amy Wenzel · Rating 1 out of 5]

This was truly the poorest self-help book that I have ever read, to the point that is is disturbing that people in need will use this as a trusted resource. The author clearly is working through her own issues on this topic, and it seemed as if she was using the book as a platform to vent. Nothing she said has a shred of evidence to back it up.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good information/points. nothing that isn’t covered better elsewhere. You can tell the author is “writing angry” with a lot of unhealed wounds, which has a big impact on the reading experience. Lacking nuance.

[Courtney]

Sherrie Campbell is amazing. I don't know her, yet I feel like I do. We have walked through similar fires.
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I've noticed how some reviewers have dismissed aspects of this book as "pseudoscience" and even misinformation. Oh, my. The mind-body connection isn't misinformation. It seems that people dismiss what they don't understand and fear what they refuse to learn. I question and am skeptical of those who solely believe in scientific materialism.

I also find it fascinating that some people continue to minimize and dismiss lived experience. I have racked up high levels of academic achievement and knowledge, yet was shocked (and then disgusted) to see how these educational institutions are, at their core, businesses. Universities aren't wisdom factories. Wisdom is earned. You'll never receive a degree for this.

Serious question: Do people born into toxic family dynamics end up having to choose between one or two routes?

1) They resort to functioning from a shadow frequency, high in fear, control, and narcissistic tendencies.

2) They decide to function from a frequency where they do not dismiss the pain and abuse, but choose to stay consciously connected/empathetic people. They transmute the darkness.

(Both end up with complex trauma, no?)

Kudos to the individuals who maintain their humanity and hearts while enduring such chronic, insidious abuse. You are my heroes. You are the healers.

[Books Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Too many people use the excuse that your parents are the way they are because they were wounded as children. Bottom line is your parents have wounded you, and you're not abusing your children or other people after another. There is no excuse for abuse. Repeated mistakes made by highly dysfunctional parents aren't accidents, but a reflection of their poor character".

"It makes no sense that parents put the burden of change onto their children".

"Your inability to fill your parents' emptiness becomes your emptiness".

"The easiest person for any adult to take advantage of is a child. Emotionally corrupt parents do this to a "bad child" - and also to a " good child". The goal of differential treatment is to pit siblings against each other. The more against each other siblings are, the more manipulative power the authoritative parent has over controlling both, and the less likely siblings are to come together and start a revolt".

"Sadly, your parents did all they could to squash your free-spirited nature. They placed you under their control, making sure you knew how repulsed and embarrassed they felt when you were not consistently being harnessed in, behaving perfectly, being easier, and making them look like good parents".

[Margot Note]

"Children understand they are not supposed to feel dread toward their parents, who are supposed to treasure them above all others. When you grow up feeling this kind of dread, it gives you the sense that you are different from others, causing you to feel bad about yourself for feeling so negative toward the people you call your parents" (8).

"Repeated mistakes made by highly dysfunctional parents aren't accidents, but a reflection of their poor character" (10).

"If you find that you isolate yourself from others when under stress, this is a sign that you had to solve your problems alone when you were a child" (17).

"One of the most loving things you can do for yourself is to sit with the discomfort of letting other people be responsible for themselves" (70).

[Laura Miller · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this to get more perspective into what my husband is going through and also to understand what may be happening for some of my patients. (I work with geriatrics who are typically the parent getting shut out) I would love to hear more on how to be supportive to the people going through it as an outsider looking in/what to do to avoid being a “posse” member of toxic parents. I do also wonder what a parents reaction would be to reading the book- it sounds likely that many are too narcissistic to take the book well but maybe hearing it from someone who is not the child would be helpful. Such a hard topic

[Loren Patton · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was "nice" to understand that I'm not alone with how I was treated in my childhood (it's not nice that other people went through what I did) and that there are more people than I think that understand parents shouldn't be put on a pedestal. I was able to understand why I react to things the way I do and it's always good to have that kind of insight.
I did not like that it focused so heavily on cutting contact with your parents. There are plenty of other ways to heal yourself outside of cutting contact and I wish those had been explored more.

[Ailish French · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a lot of helpful information. I will be rereading this at some point. I appreciate the mention of somatic healing, executive functioning, the prefrontal cortex, communication, and all of the connections between childhood abuse and the path to living a healthy adult life. Journaling helps, which the author mentions, and the author does not minimize the amount of work involved with healing from a childhood with emotionally abusive parents.

I'm giving it 4 stars, only because it's not my favorite topic to have to read.

(A lot of this reminds me of my emotionally abusive parent. I am currently reading it a 2nd time. 04/2025)

After rereading this, I'm changing this from 4 stars to 5 stars. I'm so thankful that there are words to describe what I experienced.

[TimsGlitterBug · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book!!! My only complaint is I wish I could have read this sooner! Honestly, I feel this is a must read, for not only those who have been thru it and those who know someone who has. Wonderful insights from the author that knows and connects with the audience she wishes to assist and empower.
It's written in such a way that gives language to the experience, and wisdom to help shift the burden of the experience into a present and a future of true living.
I would definitely recommend it to everyone!!

[Chelsea · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was surprised by the judgment toward modern motherhood, especially working mothers. This book made me angry.

Throughout the book, there’s a clear assumption that a mother’s constant physical presence is the ideal, while daycare and shared caregiving are framed as emotionally harmful. In 2025, this feels wildly outdated and disconnected from reality. Most families can’t afford for one parent not to work, and shaming mothers for that choice ignores the larger failures around childcare, parental leave, and support.

The promotion of co sleeping, paired with the implication that crib sleep is bad, was especially frustrating. My baby sleeps 12–13 hours a night in his crib — which tells me he feel safe, secure, and well cared for. Suggesting that independent sleep is harmful creates unnecessary guilt for parents who are doing what works best and safest for their families.

This book turns personal beliefs into universal rules. Instead of offering healing, it places yet another unrealistic emotional burden on mothers who are already balancing work, finances, and parenting.

[Jess Ratnakumar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book offers perspective as to why you may behave as you do in different situations. Be advised, as with many books aiming to examine your abusive past, there is always a risk of re-traumatizing yourself, but I would say that the structure does try to minimize the 'open sore' that picking at your past can cause.

I will 100% be applying some of these perspectives to my life, and would reccomend you read this... so long as you have some awareness of the aforementioned warning.

[Sheila L. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really received a great insight about myself and also have great understanding about my parents may not have been able to understand the love they needed to give to me in my childhood and that in long term could have affected me in my future relationships with others. It taught me that loving myself and stay true to myself can help me heal my childhood wounds and live a healthy, happy, and fulfilling life.

[Carol Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so real and honest that I felt as if I could have actually written it myself. Having the experiences of a child caught in the crossfire of unhealed and emotionally immature parents and a generationally toxic family so expressed in such simple and relatable terms was tremendously validating. it helped center and organize years of chaotic thoughts and feelings into very digestible truths and offers Insight on how to move forward. A MUST-READ.

[Amber Leigh · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book provided me so much therapy I should be paying Sherri. I started with the Toxic Family members book which helped me get through the early stages of my estrangement from my family….but this dove in to a level of relatable I wasn’t expecting. I feel seen. I feel heard. And I feel sad that so many ppl go through the same thing that there is a book written about it.

Anyone who picks up this book because they lived the scenario. I am sorry that we are all in the same boat.

[Liz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is incredible. When I first got it I was thinking there's no way it could be as good as the last one. This one resonates just as much, if not more. I just find myself highlighting everything. I have never felt so seen before. Thank you Sherrie for your hard work and for being such a fighter and making all of us know that we're not alone.

[Vye · Rating 1 out of 5]

i don’t think it’s healthy for an author of a self help book to inject their own traumatizing stories “my father was a rage-alcoholic and no only was he violent with me…” i found this book super shallow and unhelpful felt like an F-U to society’s view on parents and less of a self help book on trauma

[Chris Koch · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very validating for victims of emotional abuse. It will give you permission to cut off ties and move on with your life. This is exactly what I needed at this point in my life. Other than that, too much new age non sense including following “your truth”, tapping into the “vibration of Love” and learning about astrology.

[Alissagrace Raynak · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a lot in this book that I have already worked through/realized with a counselor. But also a lot that was still hard to read/realize is applicable to my life. Personally, I would’ve loved more of the ending of the book where it talks about “next steps”. I think one of the most encouraging thoughts in this book, was to “heal yourself, so others don’t have to heal from you”.