"Rhodesia, now Zimbabwe, was the best place on earth for a boy to grow up in. Most of my early years were spent on a farm, and most every boy that grew up on a farm in Africa had as his first friends and companions the sons of the farm labourers. I was no exception. Together we roamed free, hunting with catapults bows and arrows and terrorising everything that moved. We spoke the same language and were seldom home before dark. I had a horse and shared my bed with my two large dogs. I was given my first .22 rifle on my tenth birthday. Then came the shock of boarding school in Bulawayo, a name that means ‘place of slaughter.’
My treasured rifle was confiscated on the first day by the matron and I was caned on the second. Hunting was not on the curriculum. At school I was a dismal failure. My talents leaned more towards dreaming than academia, and the books I learned the most from were written by Zane Grey and Capt.W.E. Johns. These were usually read late at night in one of the toilets by the light of a candle.
After four years of failing at boarding school, I had four years of spectacular success at the more satisfying pursuits of beer, girls and Rock ‘n Roll. I learned to play the guitar and joined a band at the time when Elvis and the Beatles ruled. I read The Silent World by Jacques Cousteau, took up diving, and new horizons beckoned.
The first horizon culminated at the Oceanographic Museum in Monaco; the headquarters of Jacques Cousteau. I had to fill in a lengthy questionnaire as to why I wanted to see him, which I ignored, simply writing at the top that I had come five thousand miles from Africa to work for him. Astonishingly, he agreed to see me, a humbling experience. Even more astonishing was that he agreed to employ me. Not as a diver on the Calypso as I had hoped – he already had more than enough divers – but at the museum, refurbishing aquariums and cleaning the sea-lion pools. He tried to get me into Club Med and other tourist type diving work, but under French law at the time I was not allowed to work in France. For a month Cousteau paid me out of his own pocket, then paid my fare back to London. A great man.
With that dream in shreds, and the British weather beginning to pall, I looked around for fresh horizons. These expanded over the next four years into a full-blown circumnavigation. Accompanied by a friend I immigrated to Canada and tried dairy farming, only to discover that cows, and most of the farmers, had no conception of reasonable hours, weekends or holidays.
Becoming a cowboy on a ranch in British Columbia suited me better. I could ride again, and herding cows was better than milking them. Then came winter and a new, summery horizons came into view; a mirage of grass skirts, coconut palms and blue water.
Defying the Canadian authorities, who unrealistically insisted I repay the fare owed to them before leaving Canada, I found work on a Norwegian cargo boat and departed, first for Hawaii, then Samoa. But nobody had warned me about seasickness. At Rarotonga the mirage became real, with palms, turquoise water, and girls galore. I decided to stay. Unfortunately, there was a law against this. The police broke down the door of the hut in which the girl was hiding me and I was bundled out, half naked, rushed through the palm groves with a policeman on each arm, and all but thrown onto the waiting pilot boat, which then raced off to catch the ship which had already sailed.
Undeterred, I made good my escape in New Zealand, jumping ship in Auckland and working in that country for the next year and a half, until Australia beckoned from just over the horizon. To leave, I had to surrender to the wharf police, who had an outstanding warrant for my arrest. I appeared in court wearing suits, waistcoat and tie, and this must have worked. The Norwegian shipping company wanted me to pay costs, but the Judge ruled against them. There was no provision under the act, he said, for British su