This was a book required for my English course this year and given the hype my English department gave it, I have to say that it was a HUGE disappointment.
I expected to read an intricate exploration of the dynamics and complexities surrounding the relationship between love, science and depression.
What I got was a bunch of annoyingly irrelevant dialogue (that seems to be there simply to depict the vernacular of the middle-class British), similarly irrelevant arguments and SOME thought-provoking scenes peppered (very lightly) in that, even then, don't ever touch on any concrete ideas.
Upon my second read of this play, I proceeded to make notes as I was reading. These are not so much notes as they are just rants. So enjoy: (I didn't edit them because I can't be bothered to spend any extra time or effort on this play) P.S the page numbers correspond to the pink edition.
Pgs 25-26 Connie and Tristan meet for the first time. Connie is shy about her urine which makes me think she has a much more reserved personality than Tristan. Tristan is...forward. But in an admittedly charming way. "You know, you're an attractive woman Dr James." He's also a bit silly.
They sort of make small talk which is normal for 2 people just meeting each other.
Notably, (also pg 27) it is Tristan who says "she's going to have to be his friend now."
It's kind of already established on pg 27 that they both get 25mg of the RLU37.
When they have blood drawn on pg 28, Connie looks away and Tristan watches. She is clearly more strung out from the process yet still offers him her biscuit.
Connie has clear signs of anxiety (biting her nails, pg 28). Tristan, surpringly, does it too. The bond over this.
When they find out that they have the same birthday they also bond even more. I understand how serendipetious things like that can feel in the moment. It's like how i felt when __and I found out our birthdays are almost a week apart., It feels like fate but really it's just coincidence.
OF COURSE Tristan thinks its a sign, he's the less scientifc and factual of the 2.
I think it's clever how Tristan uses the twin joke to find out about her life.
He assumes she has a boyfriend and she doesn't seem to mind the assumption?
pg 31 Connie really wants it to seem like she's happy, which just makes it less believable.
Tristan "Why don't you go?" has such a free spirit in comparison to Connie who says in response "Money, time, life. There's just so much to do."
Pg 32 Stroop Test - Connie says guilty after T, maybe because she already feels guilty about her feeling for T when she has a bf. Tristan has daddy issues. C has diet issues. They're both the same amount of lonely.
"People prone to depression tend to attribute success to external causes and failure to internal ones."
The agent's designed to increase levels of dopamine.
Pg 36 we meet Toby for the first time
Toby's been married and divorced since they broke up.
NB dosage increased to 50mg pg 41.
T and C talk about the weird dreams they've been having.
'Brain scene' pg 42-43 So essentially, Toby thinks that we don't have souls, or if we do they're just part of our brain. The sense of 'us'u, who we are, is only a tiny part of what's going on in our brain. There's also all the unconcsious things our brain is controlling to keep up alive.
pg 44 T to C: 'You're such a grown-up'
WOah woah woah. T is being so forward here! Travelling together??? Asking if her parents would like him? If they like her current bf??? Is this the drug or just his personality? I mean he was alos like this in the beginning but it wasn't as bad, so maybe the drug is amplifying those aspects of him.
pg 46 it keep son hitting me how disimilar these characters are...like Connie is so adamant that any feelings they are feeling is as a result of the drugs.....and Tristan is completely the opposite. At the same time, she's cautious about getting to know him more because I think she doesn't want her feelings ot get any stronger. I think the huge thing here that the English dep keeps on missing here is that SHE HAS A BLOODY BOYFRIEND!!!!!!?????? like does that somehow not matter now????????
As much as I like Tristan's character, I must say he's a bit of a dick for flirting with her so hard when he knows she has a boyfriend.
Side note: Tristan just carries around an extra phone???!
Pg 47: T: Well, that's a cold way of looking at a person.
C: Why!? We *are* our bodies, our bodies are us...there's not something *more*... And that's fine. That's enough. It's like, the world is incredible and beautiful, even though we know there's no go behind it. It's even *more* amazing for that.
NB pg 48: Tristan says that it doesn't really matter why they love each other...they do and that's tha.t I don't know how I feel about that. I want someone to love me for me, not for someone who they think I'm not. If I'm going to fall in love witht a person and really trult believe that they love me, they'd have to know me inside out, love every part of me... how can they really love ME, if I'm say putting on a facade? Like this study, no one's really acting like they would in real life. People sure as hell don't fall for each other that quickly unless it's an Aciman novel...although maybe that's me being too scientific, because I do believe in fate and everything happening for a reason... but at the same time like I said I wouldn't trust Tristan if he told me that he loved me either because he doesn't really know ME. He barely knows the basic stuff you know? It's not like in Find
Tristan says "people fall in love and meet each other all sorts of ways, doesn't matter what starts it" I jus thave no idea what I feel about that anymore. I've kind of written myself int o a hole here.
OKAY OKAY PG 53: this. THis point right fucking here is wehre it should have ended!!!!!!!!!!! FUcking DR James literally just said how them getting out and smoking invalidated the entire study...SO WHY DOES SHE KEEP THEM THERE FUCK! Also I guess you could argue that mahbe everything that just happened between them was only caused by that.
Right so pgs 55-59 are very interesting because it's this convversation that seems, on the surface, to be professional but the subtext is personal. Toby thinks that the only way Tristan and COnnie's brains can make sense of the symptoms they're experiencing as a result of the drug is by interpreting it as love. He also thinks that this drug can make people fall in love easier, and his line of thought is that this is a good thing becuase "medical science has extended everyone;s lives without taking any responsibilty for us having to be married loner. We could do with a bit of help!" As if love is that cut and dry, that subject to time, as if people can only stay in love for a few years until they're maxed out. He's looking at it form a completely consumerist pov.
Now my question is, on pg 59, is Lorna lying about the placebo just to prove her point? Because from what I know, Tristan IS on the drug, that's why he overdoses. Also, does COnnie slip him her pill at the end because she's afriad that without the drug he'll fall out of love with her? And does she stay with him because she truly loves him or because she feels responsible for what happened?
Anyway, on pg 59 the dosage increases to 100mg.
pg 72 okay okay hahahhaha i'd just like to know one thing...WHY THE FUCK WOULD LORNA LIE OT CONNIE LIKE THAT?!>?!?!?!?!? SHe liteRALLY WAS AFRIAD OF THE STUDY BEING JEOPRODIZED BECAUSE THEY HAD SEX (WHICH BY THE WAY, SECOND POINT IN HE STORY WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED ) AND THEN SHE TELLS CONNIE THAT? anD A LIE NO LESS?? THATS THE THIRD POINT IN THE STUDY WHERE IT SHOULD HAVE ENDED. GOD.
THey increase dosage to 150mg after that conversation.
The fact that Tristan actually gets angry...when lorna tells him 'you know connie's in a relationship right?',,,first of all thank fuck someone finally said it, second of all I dont care if ots the drug but damn tristan thats low.
this WHOlE converdation on pg 76 is honeslty the most childish thing ive ever read.
pg 77 connie basically tells him he's on the placebo...well i guess everyone's thrown caution to the wind, so why not!!>>
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pg 79 'ill eat the sick from your mouth? thats disgusitng, they are literally insane. tehres no way they can be in love, they are completely incompatible. I mean, they keep on calling each otehr childish and sluts....ah yes, the foundation of every healthy relationship.
pg 82 lorna really thinks she can kick toby out and not invalidate the study? this is too ridiculous for words. this play is not so much an exploration of love and science as it is two incompetent doctors trying to find excuses as to why they're too lazy to admit that the study is invalidated and they're too lazy to start again.
pg 84 toby to lorna: you are a good doctor, who suffers from profound depressive episodes which she refuses to medicate. And you're desperate for any evidence that supports that position. THAT'S TRUE AND IT IS SO AWFUL THAT SHE IS LETTING PERSONAL DISCREPANCIES INFLUENCE THE STUDY TO THIS DEGREE =. my frustration with this play is never-ending
pg 87 toby says he ended hings because of her depression, he doesn't think him ending things caused it
Other Notes
*The ending was clearly a cop-out because she didn't know how to wrap up all the cans of worms that she opened by writing this play.
*Both of the relationships in this play are toxic.