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Nobody Owns Me: A Celibate Woman Discovers Her Sexual Power
Nobody Owns Me is the story of a nun who, through therapy, discovers and integrates her sexuality. Based on the author's more than 20 years experience counseling women, this provocative, empowering story is for all women struggling with the issue of sexuality and for those who have felt oppressed and silenced by the church.
125 pages, Paperback
First published June 1, 1994
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September 18, 2024
A STORY OF A SENSUAL AWAKENING
The "Introductory Note" by Dr. Iris Clayton to this 1994 book states, "The woman who wrote herself alive in writing these pages never intended this journal be published. She sent her journal to me some months ago as a thank you for the experiences we had shared. I found that the sentences kept returning to my mind. As I met with others, I often wished I could share parts of the journal with them... The writer agreed to let her writing be printed."
The writer said, "Our instructors in the novitiate talked a lot about God and about love, but I don't think we loved... At times I felt alive... But generally, getting through a routine was all that mattered. There was a gray area of boredom floating underneath everything I did." (Pg. 7)
Later, she muses, "And now with Bert's surgery, I realize how maimed and lessened we women can feel with the loss of a breast. I am coming to understand how much I have to unlearn or re-learn. I'm just beginning. What has happened to Bert makes me realize how important my work with Iris is. I need to re-design my whole life." (Pg. 59-60)
She adds, "The gray wraiths were all around me, taunting me. I wanted them to speak. The more they talked about 'shoulds,' the more I asked, 'Why should I?' The voices said, 'You are supposed to... Certainly a Sister should give a good example.' I asked, 'Why?' They said, 'Because you owe it to God.' I asked, 'What about me? What do I owe to me?'" (Pg. 63)
She wonders, "What about Julian of Norwich, Teresa of Avila and hundreds of other women who learned to concentrate on God and live without sexual feelings? No savage sounds coming out of them. But then, who really knows what went on in them?" (Pg. 73)
When she purchased some sexual books at a bookstore and thought, "What will the woman at the counter think?" "It doesn't matter.... Nobody owns you." (Pg. 74)
She recalls, "When I first read Thomas Merton's line about having to become what we truly are, I was shocked. I didn't know what I truly was---only what I was forcing myself to be. For so long what I felt underneath all the right appearances was a fear that I really wasn't worth much." (Pg. 79)
She adds, "I thought in the beginning the phrase ['for the kingdom of God'] meant to serve people, to make a gift of my life to God. No one ever really explained why negating sexual feelings was necessary to do that. Celibacy was simply required to enter any community... Now I know that kind of thinking encouraged a false sense of superiority in us. I began to think I was special, more spiritual than married women. I wonder how far into me this falsehood has gone." (Pg. 81)
She observes, "Bert's question kept coming back to why Jesus was celibate. Or was he?... Jesus was not afraid of life, moving against accepted patterns. He was not afraid to love and touch and be touched. He certainly didn't emphasize marrying or not marrying." (Pg. 100)
She concludes, "I am certain Divine Consciousness is urging us---and certainly me---to participate in creating something new within the human family. An entirely new level of consciousness is opening. A new realization of the meaning and reality of death. And how we can lovingly be with each other in the transition. I am certain this is what I am to be about." (Pg. 123)
Though not a "classic" of spirituality, this book will interest those concerned with the interaction of spirituality and sexuality.
The "Introductory Note" by Dr. Iris Clayton to this 1994 book states, "The woman who wrote herself alive in writing these pages never intended this journal be published. She sent her journal to me some months ago as a thank you for the experiences we had shared. I found that the sentences kept returning to my mind. As I met with others, I often wished I could share parts of the journal with them... The writer agreed to let her writing be printed."
The writer said, "Our instructors in the novitiate talked a lot about God and about love, but I don't think we loved... At times I felt alive... But generally, getting through a routine was all that mattered. There was a gray area of boredom floating underneath everything I did." (Pg. 7)
Later, she muses, "And now with Bert's surgery, I realize how maimed and lessened we women can feel with the loss of a breast. I am coming to understand how much I have to unlearn or re-learn. I'm just beginning. What has happened to Bert makes me realize how important my work with Iris is. I need to re-design my whole life." (Pg. 59-60)
She adds, "The gray wraiths were all around me, taunting me. I wanted them to speak. The more they talked about 'shoulds,' the more I asked, 'Why should I?' The voices said, 'You are supposed to... Certainly a Sister should give a good example.' I asked, 'Why?' They said, 'Because you owe it to God.' I asked, 'What about me? What do I owe to me?'" (Pg. 63)
She wonders, "What about Julian of Norwich, Teresa of Avila and hundreds of other women who learned to concentrate on God and live without sexual feelings? No savage sounds coming out of them. But then, who really knows what went on in them?" (Pg. 73)
When she purchased some sexual books at a bookstore and thought, "What will the woman at the counter think?" "It doesn't matter.... Nobody owns you." (Pg. 74)
She recalls, "When I first read Thomas Merton's line about having to become what we truly are, I was shocked. I didn't know what I truly was---only what I was forcing myself to be. For so long what I felt underneath all the right appearances was a fear that I really wasn't worth much." (Pg. 79)
She adds, "I thought in the beginning the phrase ['for the kingdom of God'] meant to serve people, to make a gift of my life to God. No one ever really explained why negating sexual feelings was necessary to do that. Celibacy was simply required to enter any community... Now I know that kind of thinking encouraged a false sense of superiority in us. I began to think I was special, more spiritual than married women. I wonder how far into me this falsehood has gone." (Pg. 81)
She observes, "Bert's question kept coming back to why Jesus was celibate. Or was he?... Jesus was not afraid of life, moving against accepted patterns. He was not afraid to love and touch and be touched. He certainly didn't emphasize marrying or not marrying." (Pg. 100)
She concludes, "I am certain Divine Consciousness is urging us---and certainly me---to participate in creating something new within the human family. An entirely new level of consciousness is opening. A new realization of the meaning and reality of death. And how we can lovingly be with each other in the transition. I am certain this is what I am to be about." (Pg. 123)
Though not a "classic" of spirituality, this book will interest those concerned with the interaction of spirituality and sexuality.
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