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Criminal Intentions #14
The Golden Ratio
ABOUT THIS EPISODE
The boys are back, and an old face from Seong-Jae’s past plunges BPD Detectives Malcolm Khalaji and Seong-Jae Yoon from a two-month suspension right into the depths of hell — and into one of the most horrific, grisly cases of Malcolm’s life.
He's never seen anything like it. Macabre ritual killings, and the only one who's ever been able to crack the killer's pattern has been his partner and lover.
But Malcolm and Seong-Jae aren't the only ones tracking this case.
And with the return of FBI Division Chief Aanga Joshi, Malcolm may have to contend with more than a rogue killer.
A jealous ex. More of Seong-Jae's buried secrets. A prison break turned into a blood-soaked crime scene.
And two men, far from home, standing on the brink.
Where nothing may be safe.
Not even each other.
ABOUT SEASON TWO
Malcolm Khalaji and Seong-Jae Yoon are back on the case — and partnering with the FBI on a horrific serial murder case that will test Malcolm's faith and revive the darkest parts of Seong-Jae's past. With an enigmatic killer leading them on a wild goose chase through city after city and body after body, both Mal and Seong-Jae will find themselves pushed to their limits as they discover the worst of what humanity can do.
Even two minds against one may not be enough as they track the devious Golden Ratio Killer, and try to find the key to his pattern. But the trail of breadcrumbs left by the white rabbit will lead them suspiciously close to home, and a connection they never could have predicted. With their worlds exploding around them and everyone they know suddenly cast into doubt...
Can their partnership — and their love — survive the greatest trial of their lives?
The boys are back, and an old face from Seong-Jae’s past plunges BPD Detectives Malcolm Khalaji and Seong-Jae Yoon from a two-month suspension right into the depths of hell — and into one of the most horrific, grisly cases of Malcolm’s life.
He's never seen anything like it. Macabre ritual killings, and the only one who's ever been able to crack the killer's pattern has been his partner and lover.
But Malcolm and Seong-Jae aren't the only ones tracking this case.
And with the return of FBI Division Chief Aanga Joshi, Malcolm may have to contend with more than a rogue killer.
A jealous ex. More of Seong-Jae's buried secrets. A prison break turned into a blood-soaked crime scene.
And two men, far from home, standing on the brink.
Where nothing may be safe.
Not even each other.
ABOUT SEASON TWO
Malcolm Khalaji and Seong-Jae Yoon are back on the case — and partnering with the FBI on a horrific serial murder case that will test Malcolm's faith and revive the darkest parts of Seong-Jae's past. With an enigmatic killer leading them on a wild goose chase through city after city and body after body, both Mal and Seong-Jae will find themselves pushed to their limits as they discover the worst of what humanity can do.
Even two minds against one may not be enough as they track the devious Golden Ratio Killer, and try to find the key to his pattern. But the trail of breadcrumbs left by the white rabbit will lead them suspiciously close to home, and a connection they never could have predicted. With their worlds exploding around them and everyone they know suddenly cast into doubt...
Can their partnership — and their love — survive the greatest trial of their lives?
Audible Audio
First published October 20, 2019
76 people are currently reading
500 people want to read
About the author
Cole McCade
65 books1,530 followersSlender. Angry. (Part) Asian.
Yeah, that about sums me up.
Hi. I’m Cole. Xen. Whatever you want to call me; both are true, and both are lies. My pen names are multitudes, my nicknames legion. Tall, bi/queer, introverted author of a brown-ish persuasion made up of various flavors of Black, Asian, and Native American. I’m cuter than Hello Kitty, more bitter than the blackest coffee, and able to trip over cats in a single half-asleep lurch; I’m what happens when a Broody Antihero and a Manic Pixie Dream Boy fight to the death, and someone builds a person from the scraps left behind. Beardless, I look like the uke in every yaoi manga in existence; bearded or not, I sound like Barry White. About half my time is spent as a corporate writer, and the other half riding a train of WTFery that sometimes results in a finished book. Romance, erotica, sci-fi, horror, paranormal; LGBTQIA and cishet; diverse settings and diverse characters from a diverse author.
Sometimes I shout about things on the internet. Usually intersectional feminism and marginalized voices, and whomever’s punching down in those directions today. Sometimes human sociology, the psychology of sex and gender, and my own gender non-conforming arse (he/him, by the way). Sometimes I get really mad at Stephen Hawking and nerd out all over the place about hairy black holes, and believe it or not, that’s not a terrible pun or even worse innuendo.
That’s it. I’m a huge dork. My humor’s so dry it could empty oceans. I’m a native Southerner from the New Orleans area with zero Southern accent; I’m a mess of multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-lingual influences; I have two cats. I wake up at daft hours of the morning to go running. I crochet terrible, lumpy things that never really turn into anything. I’m older than you think I look. I’m much more shy than my fury makes me sound (signifying gods only know what, but probably nothing). Recently I decided, at 36, that I needed to restart my life and move cross-country, so I tossed 75% of my possessions in the trash and randomly trucked it to Seattle. I’m in love with books and music and technology, and they war with each other for dominance and sometimes come together in a beautiful confluence. Most of the physical books I own are strange, obscure, out of print, overseas imports, or any combination of the four. Most of the physical books I used to own were destroyed in Hurricane Katrina, and have been replaced with the infinite library on my Nook. My wallet has a dangerous attraction to anything with pages; it flirts and teases and gives its all, until there’s nothing left but emptiness and ruin.
There will always be things you don’t know, and I won’t tell.
But ask me late at night over live music in a seedy bar, and you might just get an honest answer.
...or you can poke me via:
* Email: blackmagic@blackmagicblues.com
* Twitter: @thisblackmagic
* Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/xen.cole
* Website & Blog: http://www.blackmagicblues.com
* Tumblr: http://thisblackmagic.tumblr.com/
And there's my Xen Sanders SFF / Horror profile:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
Yeah, that about sums me up.
Hi. I’m Cole. Xen. Whatever you want to call me; both are true, and both are lies. My pen names are multitudes, my nicknames legion. Tall, bi/queer, introverted author of a brown-ish persuasion made up of various flavors of Black, Asian, and Native American. I’m cuter than Hello Kitty, more bitter than the blackest coffee, and able to trip over cats in a single half-asleep lurch; I’m what happens when a Broody Antihero and a Manic Pixie Dream Boy fight to the death, and someone builds a person from the scraps left behind. Beardless, I look like the uke in every yaoi manga in existence; bearded or not, I sound like Barry White. About half my time is spent as a corporate writer, and the other half riding a train of WTFery that sometimes results in a finished book. Romance, erotica, sci-fi, horror, paranormal; LGBTQIA and cishet; diverse settings and diverse characters from a diverse author.
Sometimes I shout about things on the internet. Usually intersectional feminism and marginalized voices, and whomever’s punching down in those directions today. Sometimes human sociology, the psychology of sex and gender, and my own gender non-conforming arse (he/him, by the way). Sometimes I get really mad at Stephen Hawking and nerd out all over the place about hairy black holes, and believe it or not, that’s not a terrible pun or even worse innuendo.
That’s it. I’m a huge dork. My humor’s so dry it could empty oceans. I’m a native Southerner from the New Orleans area with zero Southern accent; I’m a mess of multi-ethnic, multi-cultural, multi-lingual influences; I have two cats. I wake up at daft hours of the morning to go running. I crochet terrible, lumpy things that never really turn into anything. I’m older than you think I look. I’m much more shy than my fury makes me sound (signifying gods only know what, but probably nothing). Recently I decided, at 36, that I needed to restart my life and move cross-country, so I tossed 75% of my possessions in the trash and randomly trucked it to Seattle. I’m in love with books and music and technology, and they war with each other for dominance and sometimes come together in a beautiful confluence. Most of the physical books I own are strange, obscure, out of print, overseas imports, or any combination of the four. Most of the physical books I used to own were destroyed in Hurricane Katrina, and have been replaced with the infinite library on my Nook. My wallet has a dangerous attraction to anything with pages; it flirts and teases and gives its all, until there’s nothing left but emptiness and ruin.
There will always be things you don’t know, and I won’t tell.
But ask me late at night over live music in a seedy bar, and you might just get an honest answer.
...or you can poke me via:
* Email: blackmagic@blackmagicblues.com
* Twitter: @thisblackmagic
* Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/xen.cole
* Website & Blog: http://www.blackmagicblues.com
* Tumblr: http://thisblackmagic.tumblr.com/
And there's my Xen Sanders SFF / Horror profile:
https://www.goodreads.com/author/show...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 233 reviews
October 20, 2021
Wow.. I read this one in 2019 then chickened out.😣🙈 Stopped after book 1. I had missed Mal and SJ.
Loved it. Looks like this season is going to be gory and bloody. Looking forward to loving it. 😍
Joshi... Hmmmmmm..! I love me a daddy😍 but still.. Hmmmm. 🤔
Silas. Ashes.. Ashes.. 😱😰
********************************************
OMG!! This is soooooooooo gooood! Season 2 started with a bang! I promise the stars are for real, real. I don’t know how Cole does it! But the voodoo he is using is working! Every book is exceptional.
“Ashes, ashes!” the white rabbit cried.
“We all fall down!”
“Ashes, ashes!”
“We all fall down!”
“Ashes. ASHES—”
LOVED IT! WARNING!! GUSHING AHEAD! Proceed with caution.
Mal and Seong-Jae are back. Scarred, better, lovable and everything else. Of course Mal is still Mal and Seong- Jae is still SJ, We wouldn’t want it any other way.
The writing in this series is amazing. After so many book fails, it finally felt good to be back home. The characters in this book feel like home. I was hooked from the very first page. We have officially entered Dexter territory; I still felt that Criminal Minds vibe, maybe it will be a mixture of the two. Wooooo!!! The case was so intriguing and engaging. We have a Serial killer in our territory. GAAAHH! This guy is the worst of the worst and loved everything about the case. Of course that doesn’t make me a serial killer. I can’t wait to see what this season brings.
Now to the best part of this series, the one thing that keeps most of us coming back! Looking at you Simone, Ariana and Shhhhh!🙈😘…... you know yourself you sneaky person. THE FREAKING RELATIONSHIP!!! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! There is no relationship like this one ever. Mal and Seong- Jae complement each other. They are one in every possible way even when they are not talking. The tender moments, the touches, the banter, the dorky dirty talk, the kisses, the conversations and the Sex!!! I can go on and on and on, but I will spare you. These two are special. The relationship continues to grow at a pace that I love. Slow burn at it’s best.
This.
This was right.
No matter where this road took them, no matter what horrors they faced…
This was where he found home.
When Seong-Jae trusted him enough, needed him enough, cared for him enough to let him in this way, to give Malcolm his body and his desire with such unrestrained passion.
The secondary characters are a great addition to this series. Anjulie, Gabi, Sade and Jason, bring so much character, fun and great balance to the story.
We got some new characters coming in for this season. I am interested to know more about Joshi. Seong- Jae definitely has a type.
Silas!! 😱😱😱
Loved it. Looks like this season is going to be gory and bloody. Looking forward to loving it. 😍
Joshi... Hmmmmmm..! I love me a daddy😍 but still.. Hmmmm. 🤔
Silas. Ashes.. Ashes.. 😱😰
********************************************
OMG!! This is soooooooooo gooood! Season 2 started with a bang! I promise the stars are for real, real. I don’t know how Cole does it! But the voodoo he is using is working! Every book is exceptional.
“Ashes, ashes!” the white rabbit cried.
“We all fall down!”
“Ashes, ashes!”
“We all fall down!”
“Ashes. ASHES—”
LOVED IT! WARNING!! GUSHING AHEAD! Proceed with caution.
Mal and Seong-Jae are back. Scarred, better, lovable and everything else. Of course Mal is still Mal and Seong- Jae is still SJ, We wouldn’t want it any other way.
The writing in this series is amazing. After so many book fails, it finally felt good to be back home. The characters in this book feel like home. I was hooked from the very first page. We have officially entered Dexter territory; I still felt that Criminal Minds vibe, maybe it will be a mixture of the two. Wooooo!!! The case was so intriguing and engaging. We have a Serial killer in our territory. GAAAHH! This guy is the worst of the worst and loved everything about the case. Of course that doesn’t make me a serial killer. I can’t wait to see what this season brings.
Now to the best part of this series, the one thing that keeps most of us coming back! Looking at you Simone, Ariana and Shhhhh!🙈😘…... you know yourself you sneaky person. THE FREAKING RELATIONSHIP!!! GAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!! There is no relationship like this one ever. Mal and Seong- Jae complement each other. They are one in every possible way even when they are not talking. The tender moments, the touches, the banter, the dorky dirty talk, the kisses, the conversations and the Sex!!! I can go on and on and on, but I will spare you. These two are special. The relationship continues to grow at a pace that I love. Slow burn at it’s best.
This.
This was right.
No matter where this road took them, no matter what horrors they faced…
This was where he found home.
When Seong-Jae trusted him enough, needed him enough, cared for him enough to let him in this way, to give Malcolm his body and his desire with such unrestrained passion.
The secondary characters are a great addition to this series. Anjulie, Gabi, Sade and Jason, bring so much character, fun and great balance to the story.
We got some new characters coming in for this season. I am interested to know more about Joshi. Seong- Jae definitely has a type.
Silas!! 😱😱😱
October 27, 2019
THE GUYS ARE BACK WITH A VENGEANCE!
So buckle up and better brace yourself...
~ for me torturing you again with 'Mal' gifs for the next twelve months
#bookboyfriends #stillnotsorry
~ for the most grisly and gruesome serial killer I ever came across in one of my books...
... so much so that my lunch tried for a do-over, so you might want to reconsider eating before picking this book up
~ for a new player in the game aka an old shadow from Seong-Jae's past (yeah another one)...
... and don't let yourself be fooled by his innocent demeanor. Call me paranoid, but there's something about him that unnerves me
~ for being in the head of not only one but two serial killers...
... and trust me, you really don't wish to be there
~ and for what makes this whole package one of the best series and romances out there for me: the intimate moments between Mal and Seong-Jae,
The small gestures that say more than words, their bond - sometimes stretching, yeah, but never snapping.
All of the above wrapped up in a unique setup that has no equal and that will make the golden ratio of my average rating more perfect with each installment.
Where the First Season of Criminal Intentions resembled episodes of Criminal Minds, with an overall story arc but also new cases everytime, the Second Season will more resemble Dexter according to the author with the focus being on the White Rabbit and his killing spree.
And with the last paragraph in this book - the last word - , I guess we'll be in for a wild ride...
So buckle up and better brace yourself...
~ for me torturing you again with 'Mal' gifs for the next twelve months
#bookboyfriends #stillnotsorry
~ for the most grisly and gruesome serial killer I ever came across in one of my books...
... so much so that my lunch tried for a do-over, so you might want to reconsider eating before picking this book up
~ for a new player in the game aka an old shadow from Seong-Jae's past (yeah another one)...
... and don't let yourself be fooled by his innocent demeanor. Call me paranoid, but there's something about him that unnerves me
~ for being in the head of not only one but two serial killers...
... and trust me, you really don't wish to be there
~ and for what makes this whole package one of the best series and romances out there for me: the intimate moments between Mal and Seong-Jae,
"Let me just... hold you for a while. Everything else can wait."
Everything else can wait but you, he thought.
Everything else can wait but us.
The small gestures that say more than words, their bond - sometimes stretching, yeah, but never snapping.
All of the above wrapped up in a unique setup that has no equal and that will make the golden ratio of my average rating more perfect with each installment.
Where the First Season of Criminal Intentions resembled episodes of Criminal Minds, with an overall story arc but also new cases everytime, the Second Season will more resemble Dexter according to the author with the focus being on the White Rabbit and his killing spree.
"We're playing a game of chess without having all the pieces or being able to see our opponent's move."
And with the last paragraph in this book - the last word - , I guess we'll be in for a wild ride...
June 10, 2021
The Golden Ratio is the first episode of what promises to be a season full of brutal murders, action and more God Tier romance. I told myself I was going to wait to read this one but it’s been a week and I already missed these two too much. This episode is a really strong beginning of the season and I’m looking forward to know what’s going to happen next!!
“Were you watching me sleep?”
“Maybe.”
Seong-Jae grimaced. “You do that quite often.”
Malcolm chuckled. “You’re pretty in your sleep.”
That earned him the filthiest possible look- quite a feat when Seong-Jae’s face was creased with sleep, his eyes still heavy-lidded and half closed. “Do not be...what is the word I want?”
“Romantic?” Malcolm offered.
“Creepy,” Seong-Jae retorted flatly.
I’m really sad they are not going to be in Baltimore this season, because the side characters there are awesome. But we are still going to have glimpses of them even though Seong-Jae and Malcolm won’t be there so that’s something.
“You are going to threaten me over one detective?”
Anjulie’s smile widened into a killing sickle. “Do you want to find out?”
“They warned me you were a pain in the ass.”
“Clearly, you didn’t listen."
For those who had finished the first season:
“Were you watching me sleep?”
“Maybe.”
Seong-Jae grimaced. “You do that quite often.”
Malcolm chuckled. “You’re pretty in your sleep.”
That earned him the filthiest possible look- quite a feat when Seong-Jae’s face was creased with sleep, his eyes still heavy-lidded and half closed. “Do not be...what is the word I want?”
“Romantic?” Malcolm offered.
“Creepy,” Seong-Jae retorted flatly.
I’m really sad they are not going to be in Baltimore this season, because the side characters there are awesome. But we are still going to have glimpses of them even though Seong-Jae and Malcolm won’t be there so that’s something.
“You are going to threaten me over one detective?”
Anjulie’s smile widened into a killing sickle. “Do you want to find out?”
“They warned me you were a pain in the ass.”
“Clearly, you didn’t listen."
For those who had finished the first season:
May 22, 2021
Rosabel said "You don't know what explicit is yet, you haven't met The rabbit"
Rebbeca said "The next entire season is super intense and messed up"
Lisazj said "It's about to get gruesome"
Elisa said "You ain't seen nothing yet"
Simone said "I'm not sure you are prepared for what's to come"
Ariana said "There is so much more to come on all levels in season 2"
Me after read the first episode:
We have a serial killer and what he does is horrifying.
"He cuts them apart, and strings them backtogether according to his estimation of mathematical perfection."
The description of the murders, the crime scene is crude, explicit and in one scene, I had to stop eating to continue reading.
Cole's work climbs higher, and he leaves me speechless once again.
"Among the carnage of flesh—dozens of bodies on the floor in various states of dismemberment, others cut apart and stitched back together and suspended from the ceiling by electrical cords in the appropriate modus operandum, still others beaten to a pulp, blood spraying everywhere, yet others just red raw meat meat meat, too much to take in, too much to even process—that was what stood out."
The love between Malcom and Seong-Jae is stronger, I love all of them.
"Fuck…please, just…hold me. Please. That is all I need.” Malcolm let out a rumbling chuckle—weary, humorless, and yet there was a warmth to it that vibrated so quietly, so calmingly through Seong-Jae, soaking down to his bones.
“Ah, omr-an,” Malcolm sighed, and drew him toward the bed. “Funny how…that’s all I ever need, too.”
They give me calm in this mess🥰.
"Fuck, their lives were all wrong, everything torn to pieces, the world a horror show of misery. But they were still right."
We have new characters, new places... I'm very excited about what's next and also... Scared😩.
Rebbeca said "The next entire season is super intense and messed up"
Lisazj said "It's about to get gruesome"
Elisa said "You ain't seen nothing yet"
Simone said "I'm not sure you are prepared for what's to come"
Ariana said "There is so much more to come on all levels in season 2"
Me after read the first episode:
We have a serial killer and what he does is horrifying.
"He cuts them apart, and strings them backtogether according to his estimation of mathematical perfection."
The description of the murders, the crime scene is crude, explicit and in one scene, I had to stop eating to continue reading.
Cole's work climbs higher, and he leaves me speechless once again.
"Among the carnage of flesh—dozens of bodies on the floor in various states of dismemberment, others cut apart and stitched back together and suspended from the ceiling by electrical cords in the appropriate modus operandum, still others beaten to a pulp, blood spraying everywhere, yet others just red raw meat meat meat, too much to take in, too much to even process—that was what stood out."
The love between Malcom and Seong-Jae is stronger, I love all of them.
"Fuck…please, just…hold me. Please. That is all I need.” Malcolm let out a rumbling chuckle—weary, humorless, and yet there was a warmth to it that vibrated so quietly, so calmingly through Seong-Jae, soaking down to his bones.
“Ah, omr-an,” Malcolm sighed, and drew him toward the bed. “Funny how…that’s all I ever need, too.”
They give me calm in this mess🥰.
"Fuck, their lives were all wrong, everything torn to pieces, the world a horror show of misery. But they were still right."
We have new characters, new places... I'm very excited about what's next and also... Scared😩.
February 13, 2022
My favourite two detectives are back!
Still with the threat of Lucas aka Sila on their backs.
These season is about a killer rabbit and it started with a one with a bat.
Something familiar? Yes!!!
Walking Dead = Negan = Lucille
It was impossible not to relate with that.
Has the plot goes, we start to relate the rabbit with other characters and in the end of the book, we see that the feeling we had, was right all along.
All the books end with cliffhanger.
And all along the way, Malcolm and Seong-Jae have to stick close together if they want to solve the case and be with each other.
Is sweet to see how Malcolm is really in love with Seong-Jae and sticks with him, no matter what 💞
Note:
What I love most about books is how I learn something new everytime (almost) I read one.
I think there ain't one that it didn't happen in Cole's Criminal Intentions and for that I really thank him.
The stories are really catchy and addicting, the plus of learning something new everytime I grab one is what makes this series simply amazing.
Golden ratio, in portuguese proporção áurea, I confess I didn't knew what it was, or never paid much attention:
Ring around the rosie, a nursery song that's really about the black plague:
Still with the threat of Lucas aka Sila on their backs.
These season is about a killer rabbit and it started with a one with a bat.
Something familiar? Yes!!!
Walking Dead = Negan = Lucille
It was impossible not to relate with that.
Has the plot goes, we start to relate the rabbit with other characters and in the end of the book, we see that the feeling we had, was right all along.
All the books end with cliffhanger.
And all along the way, Malcolm and Seong-Jae have to stick close together if they want to solve the case and be with each other.
Is sweet to see how Malcolm is really in love with Seong-Jae and sticks with him, no matter what 💞
Note:
What I love most about books is how I learn something new everytime (almost) I read one.
I think there ain't one that it didn't happen in Cole's Criminal Intentions and for that I really thank him.
The stories are really catchy and addicting, the plus of learning something new everytime I grab one is what makes this series simply amazing.
Golden ratio, in portuguese proporção áurea, I confess I didn't knew what it was, or never paid much attention:
Ring around the rosie, a nursery song that's really about the black plague:
October 26, 2019
Season 2 started with a bang. And what a bang it was!
First of all: Malcolm and Seong-Jae. Deep dreamy sigh.
Chapter 2 made me ooh and ahh and smile and sigh again. As always, their domestic bliss doesn’t last long with the arrival of the new case, and you can virtually feel the huge shadow it throws over each man immediately.
BUT … we can feel and see the strength of their bond throughout the book, particularly when the going gets tough, and I can’t really fangirl enough over them. And all those little intimacies between them... Simply divine!
When it comes to them making love – Cole McCade has got all the words and feelings and so much more. There are only very few authors able to write sex in such a sensual, meaningful and beautiful way.
But it’s also clear that, considering the short time they have been in a relationship, insecurities, doubts and misguided guilt are still hiding in little corners of their minds, and that the new case is going to test them personally and as a couple.
Aaand there is the matter of those three little words Seong-Jae finds so difficult to say out loud (and he has his reasons), even though he couldn't be clearer how much he loves Malcolm. No doubt that's another something the author is going to make us wait for!
My highlights:
.) seeing Malcolm and Seong-Jae happy.
.) Seong-Jae opening up so much to Malcolm, allowing himself to be vulnerable with him and relying on Malcolm emotionally.
.) Malcolm taking care of his man with the biggest heart ever and to an extent where he’s willing to do anything for Seong-Jae, even get his heart broken if it should come to it.
.) Malcolm, the cuddly drunk.
.) All those little touches between Malcolm and Seong-Jae, brushing their hands, fingertips lingering on skin, a warm hand on a shoulder or the small of the back….
.) Jealousy on both sides (It’ll be interesting how things develop with Aanga, and whether we will learn more secrets about Seong-Jae from him, particularly the bedroom one?!)
.) multiple POVs: We get lots of different angles this time apart from Malcom and Seong-Jae. Which makes this truly feel like a TV episode. What got me most are the POVs of the Killer and Sila. Absolutely terrifying.
.) A stunning killer chase in the making.
.) Cole McCade’s language: immensely inventive and stunningly beautiful.
He has a huge talent for expressive and lifelike descriptions, but I actually wished for a second that the latest murders were written less vivid and realistic, because oh boy … they’re gruesome and utterly horrifying.
I’d definitely advise against eating whilst reading this book, but a stiff drink might do wonders! And if you’re squeamish I would go in with one eye closed! 😁
However, the case immediately grabs you by the proverbial balls and won’t let you go. What an intriguing set-up! But be prepared for the long haul to get a solution. It seems that the Golden Ratio Killer will be around for all of season 2! It’s going to be white-knuckle ride, that’s for sure!
If that isn’t enough, shockingly, Sila’s still around, too, and seems on the verge of getting his own way, and we know how that ended last time! Thank you, Mr. McCade, for leaving us with THAT WTF moment with the very last word of the book. I mean what does it mean?? It certainly sent my pulse and my worry for Malcolm, Seong-Jae and Sade sky-high!
So looking forward to this series!
First of all: Malcolm and Seong-Jae. Deep dreamy sigh.
Chapter 2 made me ooh and ahh and smile and sigh again. As always, their domestic bliss doesn’t last long with the arrival of the new case, and you can virtually feel the huge shadow it throws over each man immediately.
BUT … we can feel and see the strength of their bond throughout the book, particularly when the going gets tough, and I can’t really fangirl enough over them. And all those little intimacies between them... Simply divine!
When it comes to them making love – Cole McCade has got all the words and feelings and so much more. There are only very few authors able to write sex in such a sensual, meaningful and beautiful way.
But it’s also clear that, considering the short time they have been in a relationship, insecurities, doubts and misguided guilt are still hiding in little corners of their minds, and that the new case is going to test them personally and as a couple.
Aaand there is the matter of those three little words Seong-Jae finds so difficult to say out loud (and he has his reasons), even though he couldn't be clearer how much he loves Malcolm. No doubt that's another something the author is going to make us wait for!
My highlights:
.) seeing Malcolm and Seong-Jae happy.
.) Seong-Jae opening up so much to Malcolm, allowing himself to be vulnerable with him and relying on Malcolm emotionally.
.) Malcolm taking care of his man with the biggest heart ever and to an extent where he’s willing to do anything for Seong-Jae, even get his heart broken if it should come to it.
.) Malcolm, the cuddly drunk.
.) All those little touches between Malcolm and Seong-Jae, brushing their hands, fingertips lingering on skin, a warm hand on a shoulder or the small of the back….
.) Jealousy on both sides (It’ll be interesting how things develop with Aanga, and whether we will learn more secrets about Seong-Jae from him, particularly the bedroom one?!)
.) multiple POVs: We get lots of different angles this time apart from Malcom and Seong-Jae. Which makes this truly feel like a TV episode. What got me most are the POVs of the Killer and Sila. Absolutely terrifying.
.) A stunning killer chase in the making.
.) Cole McCade’s language: immensely inventive and stunningly beautiful.
He has a huge talent for expressive and lifelike descriptions, but I actually wished for a second that the latest murders were written less vivid and realistic, because oh boy … they’re gruesome and utterly horrifying.
I’d definitely advise against eating whilst reading this book, but a stiff drink might do wonders! And if you’re squeamish I would go in with one eye closed! 😁
However, the case immediately grabs you by the proverbial balls and won’t let you go. What an intriguing set-up! But be prepared for the long haul to get a solution. It seems that the Golden Ratio Killer will be around for all of season 2! It’s going to be white-knuckle ride, that’s for sure!
If that isn’t enough, shockingly, Sila’s still around, too, and seems on the verge of getting his own way, and we know how that ended last time! Thank you, Mr. McCade, for leaving us with THAT WTF moment with the very last word of the book. I mean what does it mean?? It certainly sent my pulse and my worry for Malcolm, Seong-Jae and Sade sky-high!
So looking forward to this series!
![Profile Image for moonlight ☾ [semi-hiatus].](/_next/image?url=https%3A%2F%2Fi.gr-assets.com%2Fimages%2FS%2Fcompressed.photo.goodreads.com%2Fusers%2F1645500038i%2F37448930._UX200_CR0%2C0%2C200%2C200_.jpg&w=128&q=75)
September 16, 2021
Malcolm only grinned, maneuvering around Seong-Jae's hand and leaning in to rest nose to nose, brow to brow. "Hey. Hey, guess what."
Seong-Jae's jaw set. "I am definitely going to hit you."
"I love you," Malcolm said anyway—and was instantly rewarded with a mock-punch against his bicep, that agile strength carefully controlled until Malcolm barely felt a tap. But he dutifully yelped "Ow!" anyway, just for the sake of Seong-Jae's pride, and rubbed his arm, grin widening. "Worth it."
ok but every time Mal tells SJ he loves him?? i sob. idk, the scenes just felt so precious in a way (the i love you scene in the previous book was one of my fav moments throughout s1) and SJ's reaction cracks me up each time. 🤍
it seems like this season will follow one case, unlike s1 where each episode had a different case. although i got used to the episodic format, i think it'll be interesting to see them tryna focus on one thing this time. i just hope the ending is gonna be worth the build up bc it can often lack. im glad that, even tho Mal and SJ will be out of Baltimore this season, we'll still follow the original side characters with their own lives going on! im also looking forward to knowing the new characters that were introduced. 👀
Seong-Jae's jaw set. "I am definitely going to hit you."
"I love you," Malcolm said anyway—and was instantly rewarded with a mock-punch against his bicep, that agile strength carefully controlled until Malcolm barely felt a tap. But he dutifully yelped "Ow!" anyway, just for the sake of Seong-Jae's pride, and rubbed his arm, grin widening. "Worth it."
ok but every time Mal tells SJ he loves him?? i sob. idk, the scenes just felt so precious in a way (the i love you scene in the previous book was one of my fav moments throughout s1) and SJ's reaction cracks me up each time. 🤍
it seems like this season will follow one case, unlike s1 where each episode had a different case. although i got used to the episodic format, i think it'll be interesting to see them tryna focus on one thing this time. i just hope the ending is gonna be worth the build up bc it can often lack. im glad that, even tho Mal and SJ will be out of Baltimore this season, we'll still follow the original side characters with their own lives going on! im also looking forward to knowing the new characters that were introduced. 👀
July 26, 2021
⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱*Love Is Healing*⋰⋱⋰⋱⋰⋱
I believe seven weeks has gone by since the series finale of season one. It starts with Seong-Jae moving into Mal's apartment. They’d been dating for four months. Sadly another one from Seong-Jae's past busted their little bobble and now Mal and Seong-Jae has to hunt the sickest killer they have crossed. Overall, I absolutely love it when Seong-Jae lets himself rely on Mal and I love how strong Mal's love is from Seong-Jae. I don't know why but I keep waiting for ‘marry me’ question and it's so strange. I mean, they've only been together for four months for crying out load. That said, I think their love is what will get them through the trauma they're about to go through this season. Still tried of Sila though. Can't he die already? Oh and I have to be honest and say that I did skim the detective parts...
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The Characters:
The list is a bit long so I've put it in a spoilers tag.
“Had to pick up my backup.” Aanga jerked his thumb over his shoulder. “BPD helping as part of an inter-agency partnership. Detectives Yoon and Khalaji, meet Maricopa County Sheriff Angelina Garza.”
A razor-edged look pinned Seong-Jae, before moving to Malcolm. “What do we need cops in from Baltimore for?”
“Yoon’s ex-BAU,” Aanga said, “and the one who cracked the pattern on old cases linked to this. Khalaji’s his partner. It was buy one, get one free.”
Malcolm exhaled an irritated sound, muttering under his breath where only Seong-Jae could hear. “Now I’m the bargain-bin detective. Nice.”
Quick basic facts:
Genre: - (Adult) Contemporary Romance (M/M).
Series: - Series, Book Fourteen.
Love triangle? -
Cheating? -
HEA? -
Favorite character? - Malcolm ‘Mal’ Khalaji.
Would I read more by this author/or of series? - Yes, I think so.
Would I recommend this book/series? - Unsure.
Will I read this again in the future? - Unsure...
Rating - 3 stars.
September 13, 2022
Reread #1
“Hi, omr-an. Hi. I missed you. I love you. Hi.”
This will never be not cute.
...................................
Smitten, Cuddly, clingy Soeng Jae...
He told himself he did not need Malcolm’s warmth next to him to sleep.
Told himself he was fine.
…telling himself that did not make it true
Drunk Mal...
“Hi, omr-an. Hi. I missed you. I love you. Hi.”
I DIE.
Also this Golden Ratio Killer is freaking creepy as all hell!
Also also, Jealous Malcolm is LIFE.
Also×3, Sila you can go fuck yourself.
P.S. Sade and Min Zhe hurt my heart 💔
“Hi, omr-an. Hi. I missed you. I love you. Hi.”
This will never be not cute.
...................................
Smitten, Cuddly, clingy Soeng Jae...
He told himself he did not need Malcolm’s warmth next to him to sleep.
Told himself he was fine.
…telling himself that did not make it true
Drunk Mal...
“Hi, omr-an. Hi. I missed you. I love you. Hi.”
I DIE.
Also this Golden Ratio Killer is freaking creepy as all hell!
Also also, Jealous Malcolm is LIFE.
Also×3, Sila you can go fuck yourself.
P.S. Sade and Min Zhe hurt my heart 💔
June 3, 2024
É o 14 livro de Criminal Intentions e ainda não enjoei, pelo contrário, eu estou maiiiiis ansiosaaa pelos próximos acontecimentos. Este assassino foi o mais bizarro e cruel dessa série até o momento, prevejo que será uma batalha louca até conseguirem pegar o desgraçado. São muitas emoções, Seong-Jae e Mal estão tão deliciosos juntos, uma dupla que amo ❤️💯❤️. Sei que ainda tem muitas bizarrices para eles dois enfrentar, confesso que estou com medo dessa segunda temporada 😨 Ah, sobre o narrador do audiobook book, continua perfeito. Já li muitos audiobooks e conheci vários narradores, mas esse de Criminal Intentions é fera além da conta, o cara sabe fazer vozes diferenciadas de um jeito que até assusta. Nem parece o mesmo narrador fazendo todos os personagens, é muito bom 💯💯💯Pena que a segunda temporada só tem 3 audiobook, os outros ainda vão lançar🥲
August 23, 2023
“He could not look at Malcom when he was like this: nearly radiating contented warmth, looking at Seong-Jae with all the love in the world so nakedly unguarded on those handsome, weathered features.”
I loved it! This season starts off with one hell of a bang. The mystery was gripping; in fact it’s my favorite one in the entire series so far. It’s gory and twisted, but oh so fascinating. The killer is one sick puppy, but we don’t know who it is and everything still remains unresolved at the end.
Malcolm and Seong-Jae rely on each other emotionally more so than ever before in order to cope with the horrors of the case. They have a ton of tender moments which will warm even the most hardened hearts. I love how Malcom penetrates Seong-Jae’s prickly layers and how Malcolm’s teasing and SJ’s bristling and sulky responses have become their love language. Their steamy times are hot and some of the most beautiful I’ve ever read.
I loved it! This season starts off with one hell of a bang. The mystery was gripping; in fact it’s my favorite one in the entire series so far. It’s gory and twisted, but oh so fascinating. The killer is one sick puppy, but we don’t know who it is and everything still remains unresolved at the end.
Malcolm and Seong-Jae rely on each other emotionally more so than ever before in order to cope with the horrors of the case. They have a ton of tender moments which will warm even the most hardened hearts. I love how Malcom penetrates Seong-Jae’s prickly layers and how Malcolm’s teasing and SJ’s bristling and sulky responses have become their love language. Their steamy times are hot and some of the most beautiful I’ve ever read.
May 26, 2024
Damn! this season is going to be gruesome and amazing!!!!!!!! AND THAT ENDING!!!!!!!! my rating from 4 to 3 is due to SJ who for some reason, is still distracting Mal from his questions with sex🙂 why? if he cheats for some bizarro reason, I WILL LOSE MY SH*!!!!!!!!!
July 4, 2022
My dear friends from GR....didn't you think I should have been made aware of this season's addictiveness in advance??? Don't you think, you should have warned me like, "Hey!! Preeti you know what??? this season is not like the first. You cannot stop reading it whenever you want because this one will shut your mouth about the cases being solved quickly. And, yeah...it has a serial killer.🤫🤫🤫🤫
Now, what...I repeat...I'm doomed...because as per @Rebecca the next season is not out till next year. " Girl!!! don't you think you have said this a few days before"......
Now, what...I repeat...I'm doomed...because as per @Rebecca the next season is not out till next year. " Girl!!! don't you think you have said this a few days before"......
June 8, 2021
4.5 ‘back to the game stars’ ⭐️ It's so happy to see Mal and SJ again. I hadn't realized how much I missed my boys.
Seong-Jae loves Mal. Not that he told me so or EVEN to Mal. 🥺 But I know from his actions how much he loves Malcolm. But something keeps him not to say those words aloud.
Mal is such a sweetheart. He never fails to make my heart leaps. He is a romantic from his heart. His home is where SJ is, and he will do anything to keep SJ in his arms. 💖
“Are you happy? Aanga asked “with him”
“Happier than I have ever been” “He makes me feel...safe” Seong-Jae said.
“Thought so” “I’d never seen you smile before...not even once. But it's good. I'm glad”
The impression I have about Aanga is complicated. He is a good man. I like him. But still, my heart makes no room to trust him entirely.
I should say Sila is a saint compared to his demoniac, brainsick, insane, maniacal father. 🥲
Seong-Jae loves Mal. Not that he told me so or EVEN to Mal. 🥺 But I know from his actions how much he loves Malcolm. But something keeps him not to say those words aloud.
Mal is such a sweetheart. He never fails to make my heart leaps. He is a romantic from his heart. His home is where SJ is, and he will do anything to keep SJ in his arms. 💖
“Are you happy? Aanga asked “with him”
“Happier than I have ever been” “He makes me feel...safe” Seong-Jae said.
“Thought so” “I’d never seen you smile before...not even once. But it's good. I'm glad”
The impression I have about Aanga is complicated. He is a good man. I like him. But still, my heart makes no room to trust him entirely.
I should say Sila is a saint compared to his demoniac, brainsick, insane, maniacal father. 🥲
January 26, 2020
4.5 stars.
I’m a little late to the party this season, but Mal and Seong-Jae kick things off in style as they join forces with the FBI to hunt for a killer who manages to make The Human Centipede look tame.
There’s nothing textbook about a case like this.”
The crime is gut-churningly creepy, the romance is sweet and passionate yet the after-effects of season one are still rippling away. And with an ending leaving you desperate for the next episode, you know the surface has even been scratched yet.
I’m a little late to the party this season, but Mal and Seong-Jae kick things off in style as they join forces with the FBI to hunt for a killer who manages to make The Human Centipede look tame.
There’s nothing textbook about a case like this.”
The crime is gut-churningly creepy, the romance is sweet and passionate yet the after-effects of season one are still rippling away. And with an ending leaving you desperate for the next episode, you know the surface has even been scratched yet.
October 26, 2019
This was so worth the wait, just to see Mal & Seong-Jae so....with each other, is the best way I can articulate it. Despite any reservations they may have about being together, each for the other, they are completely and totally all in. *sigh* That makes all the ugly bearable. *grimaces* Kind of.
This is one sick puppy that our boys are after this time. I can't even touch on any of that, it's absolutely horrific. Also equally terrifying is the amount of planning that went into this killer's crime and escape, the damn scope of it is enormous and the feeling I'm getting that it may have been planned for a very, very long time is beyond creepy. It's the definition of diabolical. Cole McCade is kind of scary, to be honest. :)
There are some new characters this time, and I think I might actually end up liking them....maybe. But maybe not. At this point it's genuinely a toss-up as to which way that might go. However annoying they might be, they are interesting.
While I admit that I'm a complete marshmallow for Seong-Jae & Mal, the way they fit together in this first episode of the new season *yay!!* is all I could have hoped for them. They both have doubts and demons that torment them but it's heartbreaking in the best way to see how they lean on each other.
This was as damn addictive as every other episode in this series, and here I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next, again. While I'm melted at every single time our guys are on page, there is so much to fear this time around. Everyone is in danger, it's nerve-wracking to think on.
I know there were delays and issues to the author getting this second season of the series going, but my sincere and endless thanks to him for bringing my favorite detectives ever to life, and keeping them going.
This is one sick puppy that our boys are after this time. I can't even touch on any of that, it's absolutely horrific. Also equally terrifying is the amount of planning that went into this killer's crime and escape, the damn scope of it is enormous and the feeling I'm getting that it may have been planned for a very, very long time is beyond creepy. It's the definition of diabolical. Cole McCade is kind of scary, to be honest. :)
There are some new characters this time, and I think I might actually end up liking them....maybe. But maybe not. At this point it's genuinely a toss-up as to which way that might go. However annoying they might be, they are interesting.
While I admit that I'm a complete marshmallow for Seong-Jae & Mal, the way they fit together in this first episode of the new season *yay!!* is all I could have hoped for them. They both have doubts and demons that torment them but it's heartbreaking in the best way to see how they lean on each other.
This was as damn addictive as every other episode in this series, and here I am sitting on the edge of my seat waiting for the next, again. While I'm melted at every single time our guys are on page, there is so much to fear this time around. Everyone is in danger, it's nerve-wracking to think on.
I know there were delays and issues to the author getting this second season of the series going, but my sincere and endless thanks to him for bringing my favorite detectives ever to life, and keeping them going.
December 31, 2022
4.5 Stars
Well, this season certainly started off intense 😬
Reminiscent of the first case in book one, this case is gruesome, gory, and brutal. Seong-Jae and Malcolm are dragged into it as Seong-Jae is forced to relive his traumatic experiences with the BAU and once again put himself inside the mind of a monster. This was just the start of the case, which will carry throughout season two and undoubtedly get more brutal as we go 😬
Malcolm and Seong-Jae were also preciously vulnerable with one another this episode, especially Seong-Jae who has bared his entire heart to Malcolm (finally) and finds peace curled up in his arms where he knows he is safe. 🥺 I love these two more with every episode, which speaks to McCade's writing and just how real these characters feel. I love them for different reasons - it's impossible not to smile at Seong-Jae's grumpy demeanor - but they are so perfect together. I know McCade is going to put them through the wringer this season and I'm not really emotionally prepared for it, tbh 😖
And finally, that fcking cliffhanger knocked the breath right out of me 😳😯 EXCUSE MEEEE! Yeah, this season is going to be worth every heart-pounding moment 😅
Well, this season certainly started off intense 😬
Reminiscent of the first case in book one, this case is gruesome, gory, and brutal. Seong-Jae and Malcolm are dragged into it as Seong-Jae is forced to relive his traumatic experiences with the BAU and once again put himself inside the mind of a monster. This was just the start of the case, which will carry throughout season two and undoubtedly get more brutal as we go 😬
“You do not always have to be the strong one. Neither of us have to be. Sometimes it is all right if we hurt and break together, rather than taking turns.”
Malcolm and Seong-Jae were also preciously vulnerable with one another this episode, especially Seong-Jae who has bared his entire heart to Malcolm (finally) and finds peace curled up in his arms where he knows he is safe. 🥺 I love these two more with every episode, which speaks to McCade's writing and just how real these characters feel. I love them for different reasons - it's impossible not to smile at Seong-Jae's grumpy demeanor - but they are so perfect together. I know McCade is going to put them through the wringer this season and I'm not really emotionally prepared for it, tbh 😖
“You’re pretty in your sleep.”
That earned him the filthiest possible look—quite a feat when Seong-Jae’s face was creased with sleep, his eyes still heavy-lidded and half-closed. “Do not be…what is the word I want?”
“Romantic?” Malcolm offered.
“Creepy,” Seong-Jae retorted flatly.
And finally, that fcking cliffhanger knocked the breath right out of me 😳😯 EXCUSE MEEEE! Yeah, this season is going to be worth every heart-pounding moment 😅
May 4, 2023
3.5 Stars
-No thoughts - Just quotes because I love them:
“To say I love you, Malcolm. I love you more than I have ever loved another, and I cannot endure the thought of life without you.”
“I like to remind myself that you are here.”
“They’re a package deal. All or nothing.”
“Simply hold me. That is all.”
“Everything else can wait but us.“
“You’re pretty in your sleep.”
“I go where you go,” Malcolm swore softly. “Always.”
“I want you just as you are, Malcolm Khalaji.”
“Hi, omr. Hi. I missed you. I love you. Hi.”
BR w/ lila! <3
-No thoughts - Just quotes because I love them:
“To say I love you, Malcolm. I love you more than I have ever loved another, and I cannot endure the thought of life without you.”
“I like to remind myself that you are here.”
“They’re a package deal. All or nothing.”
“Simply hold me. That is all.”
“Everything else can wait but us.“
“You’re pretty in your sleep.”
“I go where you go,” Malcolm swore softly. “Always.”
“I want you just as you are, Malcolm Khalaji.”
“Hi, omr. Hi. I missed you. I love you. Hi.”
BR w/ lila! <3
July 4, 2021
Bloody hell! That was gory and gruesome and bloody and gory!
I'm not too sure how I feel about our boys away from Baltimore, the jury is out on that one though I really did love to see Seong-Jae#s needy side.
4.25 stars
I'm not too sure how I feel about our boys away from Baltimore, the jury is out on that one though I really did love to see Seong-Jae#s needy side.
4.25 stars
July 20, 2023
Ashes, ashes.
We all fall down.
I don't usually read books quickly, but with this series things were different, because 1) I really enjoyed the story and 2) the books were rather short. I've finished season one and I dived myself immediately into the next one with curiosity and excitement of what will happen to my favorite characters.
So I picked book one and... found myself not enjoying it as much as the previous ones. That's why my rating this time is lower than usual.
There were two factors that played a big role in my decision. The first one is the gruesome case. I knew that things will be bad, worse than ever, but nothing could prepare me for what did actually happen. I couldn't get into it like before, I just had to turn myself off before nightmares would come. And I'm truly afraid of the next books because things will become even worse.
Second factor was the unusual amount of talking. I understand why it had been written the way it was, but it was too much. I found myself going through all the dialogues and not remembering what the characters were actually talking about. The only parts that I remember were: 1) the emotional talk between Seong-Jae and Malcolm after coming to L.A. and 2) the interrogation of Dale Walters - I cried buckets, especially in the second part because I do understand how it's like to constantly want to hide from everyone.
Some new characters had shown up, but I couldn't bring myself to care about any of them. Maybe it's just too soon for me, it's only the first book of season two.
The Malcolm x Seong-Jae scenes confused me. I mean, I liked some parts (like the emotional talk scene which I mentioned above), but there were also parts that I didn't like (the one raw sex scene was completely unnecessary for me, it felt so... wrong).
I was excited for season two, but now after book one I'm more worried than excited. I really want to enjoy it and I hope that I will 🥲
P.S. why did Sila say that on the end?? Is this true??
Criminal Intentions Season Two - my rating:
S02E01 The Golden Ratio Killer: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E02 In Sequence: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E03 Cold Calculation: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4,5/5)
S02E04 Hard Angle: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5)
S02E05 Deep Spiral: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)
S02E06 Divine Proportion: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)
S02E07 Triangulation: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E08 Trajectory: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E09 Occam's Razor: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E10 Fractal Recursion: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5)
S02E11 Convergence: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5)
S02E12 White Rabbit Part I: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E13 White Rabbit Part II: ⭐⭐ (2/5)
We all fall down.
I don't usually read books quickly, but with this series things were different, because 1) I really enjoyed the story and 2) the books were rather short. I've finished season one and I dived myself immediately into the next one with curiosity and excitement of what will happen to my favorite characters.
So I picked book one and... found myself not enjoying it as much as the previous ones. That's why my rating this time is lower than usual.
There were two factors that played a big role in my decision. The first one is the gruesome case. I knew that things will be bad, worse than ever, but nothing could prepare me for what did actually happen. I couldn't get into it like before, I just had to turn myself off before nightmares would come. And I'm truly afraid of the next books because things will become even worse.
Second factor was the unusual amount of talking. I understand why it had been written the way it was, but it was too much. I found myself going through all the dialogues and not remembering what the characters were actually talking about. The only parts that I remember were: 1) the emotional talk between Seong-Jae and Malcolm after coming to L.A. and 2) the interrogation of Dale Walters - I cried buckets, especially in the second part because I do understand how it's like to constantly want to hide from everyone.
Some new characters had shown up, but I couldn't bring myself to care about any of them. Maybe it's just too soon for me, it's only the first book of season two.
The Malcolm x Seong-Jae scenes confused me. I mean, I liked some parts (like the emotional talk scene which I mentioned above), but there were also parts that I didn't like (the one raw sex scene was completely unnecessary for me, it felt so... wrong).
I was excited for season two, but now after book one I'm more worried than excited. I really want to enjoy it and I hope that I will 🥲
P.S. why did Sila say that on the end?? Is this true??
Criminal Intentions Season Two - my rating:
S02E01 The Golden Ratio Killer: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E02 In Sequence: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E03 Cold Calculation: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4,5/5)
S02E04 Hard Angle: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5)
S02E05 Deep Spiral: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)
S02E06 Divine Proportion: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (5/5)
S02E07 Triangulation: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E08 Trajectory: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E09 Occam's Razor: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E10 Fractal Recursion: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5)
S02E11 Convergence: ⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4/5)
S02E12 White Rabbit Part I: ⭐⭐⭐ (3/5)
S02E13 White Rabbit Part II: ⭐⭐ (2/5)
May 29, 2021
As completely messed up this case may be and how afraid I am for Malcolm and Seong-Jae mental wellbeing/safety, this book was so full of soft moments that made me melt. Even though Malcolm may be more affectionate with his words and able to admit to his love for Seong-Jae, the utter softness and love that radiates Seong-Jae in his actions was just 🥺 Their constant brush of hands while working, hand-holding and leaning against one another in comfort, the cuddles really allowed us a glimpse into their growing love.
Another ex shows up! Joshi really pissed me off for most of the book and had me like:
🤺🤺 Stay back and away from Seong-Jae 🤺🤺
I hope they work through their secrets and we get more answers because once again I'm left with SO many questions.
Another ex shows up! Joshi really pissed me off for most of the book and had me like:
🤺🤺 Stay back and away from Seong-Jae 🤺🤺
I hope they work through their secrets and we get more answers because once again I'm left with SO many questions.
October 24, 2019
4.5 stars!
Ah, it's back! It's backkkkk :D
And also that last line??? WHAT :O Like is that for real or what?!
Okay, first and foremost, I must start with my boys. Malcolm and Seong-Jae are SQUEE! They always make me so happy and that did not change one bit in this book! We open with them having spent the last month and a half to two months being suspended after everything that went down at the end of season 1, and taking that time to heal from it, both physically and mentally, and fall more in love each day.
Not that Seong-Jae is ready to say it yet. (So THAT will be a thing. Waiting for and wondering when Seong-Jae will say it out loud to Malcolm.) I do like that we got Seong-Jae's thoughts and how he very much loves Malcolm...so damn much. But he has reasons for holding back. And plus our boy Seong-Jae is so damaged that he has quite a bit of healing to do still until he can say those three words back to Malcolm.
And Malcolm is, as always, freaking wonderful. This boy - I say about a character that is 44/45 years old. Same with Seong-Jae who is 35. Well, whatever - is so damn head over heels in love with Seong-Jae, I can't. (Not that Seong-Jae isn't for Malcolm, of course he so very much IS. But Seong-Jae is so much more reserved and Malcolm is so open with his love that I Just *happy sigh*). But also Seong-Jae's way of expressing his love for Malcolm is different and just as amazing and *happy sigh* as well.
I love the way Malcolm show his affections so openly and without fear or worry about what others will think. And Seong-Jae showing his love in the quieter moments, in these subtle ways, in the quiet, small blushes here and there and the small smiles...those are just as powerful but in a different way. And he's actually a little more open with the affection in this, although a lot has to do with what they're dealing with. But I like to think that some of it is just Seong-Jae coming out of his shell with Malcolm.
But anyway, back to the story. Which shows these two kind of settling in to having a life together, of building their forever together - and even talking about moving out of Malcolm's loft into a bigger place, that is theirs, all theirs. And at this point I'm a smiling blob of goo at this wonderfulness, knowing that any second they're gonna be interrupted -
and yes, they are. And the season 2 arc officially commences, with the Golden Ratio Killer being introduced. And he's pretty fucking horrible and gruesome and monstrous. Oh what fun season 2 will be with this monster....
But the plot is, of course, so interesting and riveting and we get to see our other fave characters - Anjulie, Gabrielle, Sade, even Min Zhe - and get introduced to some new ones as well (aside from TGRK).
We unfortunately have to deal with Sila as well - little psychopathic shit - although not too much.
And Seong-Jae's ex, who we kinda met somewhat briefly when Seong-Jae calls him in season 1. But it seems he's gonna have a bigger role this season (and maybe beyond? Who knows.) At first he's annoying and totallyyyy wants to get back with Seong-Jae, and Malcolm is annoyed too, and Seong-Jae's annoyed...we're all annoyed with this guy.
But gradually he becomes a little less of an asshole trying to flirt with Seong-Jae and be way to familiar with him even with Malcolm, current boyfriend, standing right there! But I think he lets go or at least starts to let Seong-Jae go near the end. I wonder if he will be a big character or just kind of recurring character status who eventually "leaves the show" so to speak. Guess we shall see. So far I'm not terribly impressed with him. Yeah he's not an asshole by the end, but I'm kinda feeling "meh" about him right now. Maybe because he just seems to stop being an asshole near the end. Maybe future installments will endear me to him, idk. *Shrug*
Oh also, I took .5 off just because I wanted more Malcolm and Seong-Jae. While we got enough, I'm greedy and want more :D I love these two and just want every scene to be about them *happy sigh* although I certainly do enjoy Anjulie and Gabrielle's scenes, make no mistake. I just want more of my boys together, like all the time. But I get with a "second season" more characters are added...and that might mean less "screen time" four our main characters.
But still, doesn't mean it can't frustrate me a little. Just to get more of these two and little less of other characters (and their POVs). Anjulie, Sade and Gabrielle's POV's are *chefs kiss* but the rest I didn't care much for. (They didn't take away or anything, but I wasn't overly enthused reading their POV's either, ya know?)
Anywho! Season 2 is underway and it is wonderful and amazing and I loved and I can't wait for more! Absolutely loved this, and I'm so happy we get to dive back into Mal and Seong-Jae and their wonderful, amazing relationship.
Two thumbs up from me and highly recommend if you've read season 1. Season 2 starts off with a bang.
Ah, it's back! It's backkkkk :D
And also that last line??? WHAT :O Like is that for real or what?!
Okay, first and foremost, I must start with my boys. Malcolm and Seong-Jae are SQUEE! They always make me so happy and that did not change one bit in this book! We open with them having spent the last month and a half to two months being suspended after everything that went down at the end of season 1, and taking that time to heal from it, both physically and mentally, and fall more in love each day.
Not that Seong-Jae is ready to say it yet. (So THAT will be a thing. Waiting for and wondering when Seong-Jae will say it out loud to Malcolm.) I do like that we got Seong-Jae's thoughts and how he very much loves Malcolm...so damn much. But he has reasons for holding back. And plus our boy Seong-Jae is so damaged that he has quite a bit of healing to do still until he can say those three words back to Malcolm.
And Malcolm is, as always, freaking wonderful. This boy - I say about a character that is 44/45 years old. Same with Seong-Jae who is 35. Well, whatever - is so damn head over heels in love with Seong-Jae, I can't. (Not that Seong-Jae isn't for Malcolm, of course he so very much IS. But Seong-Jae is so much more reserved and Malcolm is so open with his love that I Just *happy sigh*). But also Seong-Jae's way of expressing his love for Malcolm is different and just as amazing and *happy sigh* as well.
I love the way Malcolm show his affections so openly and without fear or worry about what others will think. And Seong-Jae showing his love in the quieter moments, in these subtle ways, in the quiet, small blushes here and there and the small smiles...those are just as powerful but in a different way. And he's actually a little more open with the affection in this, although a lot has to do with what they're dealing with. But I like to think that some of it is just Seong-Jae coming out of his shell with Malcolm.
But anyway, back to the story. Which shows these two kind of settling in to having a life together, of building their forever together - and even talking about moving out of Malcolm's loft into a bigger place, that is theirs, all theirs. And at this point I'm a smiling blob of goo at this wonderfulness, knowing that any second they're gonna be interrupted -
and yes, they are. And the season 2 arc officially commences, with the Golden Ratio Killer being introduced. And he's pretty fucking horrible and gruesome and monstrous. Oh what fun season 2 will be with this monster....
But the plot is, of course, so interesting and riveting and we get to see our other fave characters - Anjulie, Gabrielle, Sade, even Min Zhe - and get introduced to some new ones as well (aside from TGRK).
We unfortunately have to deal with Sila as well - little psychopathic shit - although not too much.
And Seong-Jae's ex, who we kinda met somewhat briefly when Seong-Jae calls him in season 1. But it seems he's gonna have a bigger role this season (and maybe beyond? Who knows.) At first he's annoying and totallyyyy wants to get back with Seong-Jae, and Malcolm is annoyed too, and Seong-Jae's annoyed...we're all annoyed with this guy.
But gradually he becomes a little less of an asshole trying to flirt with Seong-Jae and be way to familiar with him even with Malcolm, current boyfriend, standing right there! But I think he lets go or at least starts to let Seong-Jae go near the end. I wonder if he will be a big character or just kind of recurring character status who eventually "leaves the show" so to speak. Guess we shall see. So far I'm not terribly impressed with him. Yeah he's not an asshole by the end, but I'm kinda feeling "meh" about him right now. Maybe because he just seems to stop being an asshole near the end. Maybe future installments will endear me to him, idk. *Shrug*
Oh also, I took .5 off just because I wanted more Malcolm and Seong-Jae. While we got enough, I'm greedy and want more :D I love these two and just want every scene to be about them *happy sigh* although I certainly do enjoy Anjulie and Gabrielle's scenes, make no mistake. I just want more of my boys together, like all the time. But I get with a "second season" more characters are added...and that might mean less "screen time" four our main characters.
But still, doesn't mean it can't frustrate me a little. Just to get more of these two and little less of other characters (and their POVs). Anjulie, Sade and Gabrielle's POV's are *chefs kiss* but the rest I didn't care much for. (They didn't take away or anything, but I wasn't overly enthused reading their POV's either, ya know?)
Anywho! Season 2 is underway and it is wonderful and amazing and I loved and I can't wait for more! Absolutely loved this, and I'm so happy we get to dive back into Mal and Seong-Jae and their wonderful, amazing relationship.
Two thumbs up from me and highly recommend if you've read season 1. Season 2 starts off with a bang.
July 28, 2023
First of all....boo'd up SJ and Mal are everything to me. Obsessed. After following their trajectory in s1, it's so satisfying to see them call each other boyfriend or seeing their chemistry/pda through side characters' eyes or literally any time Mal says ily (SJ...I'll be patient w/ you babe but I eventually need you to say it back). I just adore it. Also...the little hint of a potential D/s dynamic??? SJ, use your words and tell that man what you want bc I need to see how that plays out
Ok now the story. So fucking brutal. Loved the...creativity of the serial killer methodology in this one? Idk if that should be a compliment lol but it's something I haven't seen before. The gore was hard to read, Cole did a great job of making the brutality feel tangible. As always, I loved all the investigative aspects, mostly bc I love seeing Mal & SJ work together so well. I also appreciated how Malcolm wasn't the strong one in this book. I mean SJ was going through it too ofc but, to me, Mal needed more comfort than normal and I appreciated that. Gabi, Anjulie and Sade are everything, really grown to enjoy their characters. And Adelaide is a new side character I think I'm really gonna like. Also...the ending gagged me. Like wtf.
I will say. This felt a touch long, which is not something I've felt for any book in this series so far. I'm not super invested in the Huang/Lillienne plotline aside from how it relates to Sila (who can choke) and Sade, so those sections weren't as engaging to me. Also, I know we really have to set up the serial killer in this, but aspects of that build-up kinda dragged the pacing. Even the one sex scene, while beautifully written per usual, was just ok for me. And all the Aanga relationship drama stuff...wasn't objectively bad per se, it just irked me. Leave Malcolm alone!
This was a pretty strong start! I'm really interested to see how Cole does with a mostly overarching plot, rather than a "case-a-book" format. I already know Mal and SJ are gonna go through it this season because the case in this one was rough. Added onto SJ's background and them freshly coming off the shit at the end of last season....yeah I'm scared. But I'm too emotionally attached so I'll be reading regardless of my fears
Ok now the story. So fucking brutal. Loved the...creativity of the serial killer methodology in this one? Idk if that should be a compliment lol but it's something I haven't seen before. The gore was hard to read, Cole did a great job of making the brutality feel tangible. As always, I loved all the investigative aspects, mostly bc I love seeing Mal & SJ work together so well. I also appreciated how Malcolm wasn't the strong one in this book. I mean SJ was going through it too ofc but, to me, Mal needed more comfort than normal and I appreciated that. Gabi, Anjulie and Sade are everything, really grown to enjoy their characters. And Adelaide is a new side character I think I'm really gonna like. Also...the ending gagged me. Like wtf.
I will say. This felt a touch long, which is not something I've felt for any book in this series so far. I'm not super invested in the Huang/Lillienne plotline aside from how it relates to Sila (who can choke) and Sade, so those sections weren't as engaging to me. Also, I know we really have to set up the serial killer in this, but aspects of that build-up kinda dragged the pacing. Even the one sex scene, while beautifully written per usual, was just ok for me. And all the Aanga relationship drama stuff...wasn't objectively bad per se, it just irked me. Leave Malcolm alone!
This was a pretty strong start! I'm really interested to see how Cole does with a mostly overarching plot, rather than a "case-a-book" format. I already know Mal and SJ are gonna go through it this season because the case in this one was rough. Added onto SJ's background and them freshly coming off the shit at the end of last season....yeah I'm scared. But I'm too emotionally attached so I'll be reading regardless of my fears
October 29, 2019
Seong-Jae and Malcolm are finally back! New chapter in their lives starts couple of months after the events that nearly destroyed Baltimore and killed them both. This book has a darker undertone that sets the mood for the entire series - both men are closer to each other than ever but have to deal with the level of evil they can't even process. Intense, suspenseful and gritty - the story pulls you right into the mind of a killer who is ready to play.
Told from multiple POVs, this book is full of subtle hints and juicy tidbits, shows old characters and introduces new - each and everyone of them unique and feisty. I loved it. The gore, the horror and the sheer volume of manipulation made me shudder and want to know right now WHO HE IS! We see other faucets of Seong-Jae that he left behind back in LA that won't let him go. We see the trust and love between him and Malcolm that surpassed the feelings they've ever had for anyone else. This will be a tough season - Malcolm and Seong-Jae will have to be at the top of their game, will have to race against time to find minuscule clues left by the killer to stop the worst murders known to man. Their future is uncertain, their past still haunts them, but at least their present keeps them close to hold each other up when life hits them too hard. I can't wait to dig in. I highly recommend it! #TeamMalcolmSeong-Jae
Told from multiple POVs, this book is full of subtle hints and juicy tidbits, shows old characters and introduces new - each and everyone of them unique and feisty. I loved it. The gore, the horror and the sheer volume of manipulation made me shudder and want to know right now WHO HE IS! We see other faucets of Seong-Jae that he left behind back in LA that won't let him go. We see the trust and love between him and Malcolm that surpassed the feelings they've ever had for anyone else. This will be a tough season - Malcolm and Seong-Jae will have to be at the top of their game, will have to race against time to find minuscule clues left by the killer to stop the worst murders known to man. Their future is uncertain, their past still haunts them, but at least their present keeps them close to hold each other up when life hits them too hard. I can't wait to dig in. I highly recommend it! #TeamMalcolmSeong-Jae
September 22, 2020
And they’re back.
I took a slight break after season one. I needed that time but now I’m back onboard with Malcolm and Seong-Jae. And wow are they back. It’s a grisly and gruesome start. An old killer from Seong-Jae’s past is back.
So our boys find themselves temporarily working for the FBI.
This change of scenery, crime and several new secondary characters. Keeps this fresh and oh so interesting.
Okay that’s it the next book is calling my name.
June 17, 2021
*insert the gif of lady gaga saying talented brilliant incredible amazing showstopping spectacular etc etc*
January 21, 2022
Love these books, but I’m
Tired of reading “old wolf”
And “crow.” We get it.
Tired of reading “old wolf”
And “crow.” We get it.
August 19, 2021
Whatever you do.. do not eat while reading this one. It was fuuuuucked uuuuup. But wow talk about an introduction to the new series baddie/arc/whatever.
I don't have a lot to say about this one. I like where we're at emotionally with the relationship, I'm.. a little less bored or annoyed about the Sade/Huang plot (for the moment..), I'm keen on the secondary romance plot..
And that ending made me sing out the tiktok audio, "oh no. oh no. oh NONONONONOOOOO" because hoo boy I didn't predict that but I can totally buy it. I see it. It explains a lot as to the why of some of this.
Also I thought it was my imagination that this one wasn't ending, I though the horror was just making it feel that way, but this was almost three hundred pages! And after a lot of shorties it felt that way, too. But not in a bad way. It had a lot to introduce and set up and I appreciate that time spent.
Season two is wild already and it's only the beginning.
I don't have a lot to say about this one. I like where we're at emotionally with the relationship, I'm.. a little less bored or annoyed about the Sade/Huang plot (for the moment..), I'm keen on the secondary romance plot..
And that ending made me sing out the tiktok audio, "oh no. oh no. oh NONONONONOOOOO" because hoo boy I didn't predict that but I can totally buy it. I see it. It explains a lot as to the why of some of this.
Also I thought it was my imagination that this one wasn't ending, I though the horror was just making it feel that way, but this was almost three hundred pages! And after a lot of shorties it felt that way, too. But not in a bad way. It had a lot to introduce and set up and I appreciate that time spent.
Season two is wild already and it's only the beginning.
April 4, 2022
I took a month-long break after finishing the first "season" and I think that was the right call, because I felt refreshed and excited when I picked this one up and I really quite enjoyed it! Already quite gruesome and brutal case-wise, and I'm intrigued by the different set-up as compared to season one, which I think makes sense to keep things fresh. I will say, I'm not wild about all the extra POVs, because TBH, I don't actually care about any of the side characters that much--I don't really find any of them particularly compelling and, in fact, find most of them actively frustrating, so I'm not super excited about their increasing screen time. But I do continue to enjoy Malcolm and Seong-Jae, and I'm looking forward to the season ahead!
November 2, 2019
WELCOME BACK MY BABIES.
Detective Yoon:
Detective Khalaji
Five stars like always.
Yoon and Malcom are stronger than ever.
Yoon is more than ever clear about his feelings.
Malcom is just...Malcom. He's everything and more. My favorite.
An ex-boyfriend returns.
Some friendships are questioned.
Some relationships are questioned.
Mental state are questioned in this because what a case. A really bad case takes place in this.
Cole MCcade is incredible. The crime in this is so...terrific. I mean, I was speechless. Human mind can be so twisted . This is one of his most incredible work. Cole just kept my attention all along about my guys AND about this case. I can't wait for the final.
Gabi and..you know.
Anjulie and ...you know.
Sade and Min Zhe.
Sila.
Lillienne Wellington.
New intriguing characters.
Already loving this episode!
PS: I want to share this note Cole MCcade shared in his VIP zone.
Hi.
Come over here.
Sit with me a bit.
I need to talk to you.
I know you've seen me fucking up nonstop for the past year.
Missed preorders. Books I promised and never finished. Being over a month late with CI coming back, making you wonder why I bothered polling y'all for release dates at all.
Missing paperbacks I still haven't formatted and published.
Episodes of Season One of Criminal Intentions getting shorter and shorter, and more and more hastily written/poorly edited.
Erratic release dates.
It's been a mess.
And I've been treating each mess like an isolated incident, and apologizing for each one, but in truth it's all been the accumulation of a single thing.
If you follow me on Twitter, you already know:
I had a bad mental health break.
But I keep saying I'll explain why, and then avoiding it, and it's because I'm nervous about being honest about something in public that has to do with my private work life.
Which is why I'm talking about it here, and hoping my primary client is too busy to spy on my newsletter, though I doubt they'd take offense to this.
So.
Many of you know I'm a ghostwriter.
I won't say for whom. I won't even say what genre I write in for my clients. I signed NDAs, and I honor those. Don't ask.
Normally my ghostwriting work is easy. They give me a synopsis that tells me exactly what story I need to tell, and I fill in the blanks. Putting the meat on the bones. Then, you know, adding skin and hair and clothes to make it pretty because no one wants a book that's the equivalent of a skinless flesh husk.
...too much?
Sorry. Spooky season's got me all creepy.
The point is, cranking out extra wordcount for someone else on top of writing 1-2 books of my own per month wasn't really that hard. (Note the past tense: wasn't.) It actually kept me pretty fresh on my own work, and didn't require any mental effort. Just typing fast, and we all know I'm fiendishly good at that.
...but I have this one client.
I'm not dissing this client. They're my most consistent source of work; I've been working with them for over a year now, and we have a great friendly-professional relationship. We share industry info, industry gossip, strategies, etc. They pay me extremely, extremely well.
I write a book for them every 30-45 days as, like me, they're a rapid release author, meaning they release a new book every 1-2 months.
Yeah.
Already you see where this is going.
I've been supporting the career of not just one rapid release author, but two: myself and this client.
That's it. That's the big secret.
That as much as y'all thought I was already doing...
You had no idea I was actually doing twice as much.
My shoulders are broad, but that's a lot to carry.
And it gets deeper than that. These books are long, 90,000-120,000 words. When y'all see me post those massive wordcounts each month?
60-70% of that is often client work.
Plus.
I do heavy creative and editorial development work.
If y'all didn't know me in my previous life before the pen name Cole McCade and my dedicated career as an author...I have a lot of industry experience. Editorial Director with the luck to work with multiple NYT bestselling authors. Junior level positions at literary agencies. Other editorial and cover design positions with various publishers. Hell, for a while as a nonfic writer the NYT was even signing my paychecks.
Point is I've got a lot of experience making books better.
And there are days when I look at my client and say "If you try to make me write this as-is, I will fight you."
Then I rip their synopses apart, and put them back together as something better.
I mean, it's not wholly selfless.
Their books do better, I get paid better.
And the books I write for them do exceedingly well.
But don't get it twisted: this is a lot of work. A. Lot.
It takes about 3x more effort to fix someone else's book than it does to write my own.
...and then I've got to turn around and write the book, too.
While scrambling to meet my own deadline cutoffs, get through my own edits, etc.
While also doing all my own cover designs. Interior book designs and formatting. Marketing. Newsletters. Website management. Social media. Admin work. ARC distribution. Budgeting. (Don't ask if I have an assistant. I can afford to keep an editor on payroll or an assistant; not both.)
While trying to make room for books other than CI, because I know CI is a niche market and when was the last time I released a contemporary?
While trying to have a life.
While trying to sleep.
While trying to manage chronic mental and physical illness.
All while hitting client deadlines.
Somehow, over time...
It got to the point where my client's books took precedence over my own.
My client's career took precedence over my own.
I started slipping. For rapid release authors, staying relevant in Amazon's algorithms is critical--and for many marginalized authors, rapid release is the only way for us to get ahead and build a sustainable platform when we don't have the kind of money bigger names throw at advertising. It's about working hard, working smart, knowing the business, and keeping yourself visible vs. just spending money and letting ads do the work.
Falling off the cliff in Amazon's algorithms is a death knell.
Until CI went live yesterday...
I was way off that cliff.
For months.
And the last book I worked on for my client was the hardest of all; I had to pull a lot together from whole cloth, and all of this while I was staring at Black Tattoo and trying to figure out why I couldn't make it right.
That last client book broke me.
Just...tapped the last of my creative energy.
Left the well completely dry.
I couldn't write anything of my own.
Not for lack of trying, until I felt like my brain was trying to squeeze out of the cracks in my skull.
And now I'm to the point where I no longer make a full-time income on my books because I've slipped so far since my last new release, though I still do somewhat decently; but I still need my client's income to supplement, and can't step back from that to focus on my own career.
I'm trapped.
I don't think my client meant this to happen. They didn't mean to be exploitative, to edge me out of my own career. They trusted my ability to handle both their books and mine. They are immensely appreciative of the work I do on the consulting/editorial side, and very generous. I don't blame them for this. It's a job. Jobs take effort.
It just happened.
And I kept telling myself if I just went one more night without sleep, if I just put in one more hard three-day push, if I did this, if I did that, I'd get caught up. I'd release Black Tattoo, and finish the Cocky/Undue Arrogance trilogy, and get a head start on CI, and write a spoopy story for October, and...and...
And.
And.
And.
And I hit a break point, when I got close to September 10th and CI was nowhere close to the first episode done, let alone the backlog I had wanted to build up during my break. Because my well was still dry, and I wasn't going to refill it by trying to drain more out of it.
After still not getting Black Tattoo rewritten as something better, after not having any releases when I'd wanted to be moving along steadily, after seeing my momentum and all my hard work slipping and still having client deadlines to make if I wanted to make my rent...
I cracked.
I nearly quit writing.
And I just turtled for a few days to figure out what I wanted to do, because this isn't sustainable.
I can't repeat the last year I've been through. Even with time to rest, I am exhausted and seared to ash from burning the candle at both ends. All my messes have boiled down to this:
Trying to figure out how to balance my career, and my client's, and just slipping more and more.
That's why I've been fucking up for the past year.
I have run myself raw, burnt myself out, and backed myself into a corner where I can't really stop, but I can't move forward, either.
I'm working on what to do, though. How to handle this, to keep working on my client's books but also getting mine done.
Part of it, too, is I got into a depressed slump over never finishing anything. But now I've finished the longest episode of CI yet, I've brought my beloved serial back for a new season, and I'm fucking proud of that, so that's going a long way to get me moving again.
Though even after putting it off for a month, I still came in even later than I wanted because a.) I fucked something up in my exhaustion and had to fix it, and b.) I got derailed in time and emotional energy by the second shortest and third worst relationship of my life, and that was a lot of toxicity to get blasted in the face with in a very compressed period of time. I'm still shaking off the emotional mud and trying to just...move on.
And that's really what it's all about, in the end.
A year of just...scrambling, finally crashing to a halt, and...
Trying to move on.
I'm sorry I've been such a mess. Always a new fuckup, a new reason, etc. when it really all traces back to this and only this. I do too much, I refuse to abandon my career, but I need to keep doing my other work to fund that career, too.
I'm working on balance.
I've already talked to my client about just slowing down timelines a bit, and I'm working on my own self-moderation as well.
As far as my own work...
I'm just going to wing it, do what I can, and hope for the best.
I hope, once I pick up momentum again and start rediscovering why I love what I do--and I do love it, so much--that I'll be able to catch up on things like paperbacks, free stories, etc.
But I don't want to commit to firm release dates on anything except Criminal Intentions for a while, just to give myself room to breathe so I don't crash so hard again and give in to such despair that I nearly abandon what I worked so hard for over so many years.
I have so many things I want to write, so many stories I want to tell.
I can't stop.
But I hope y'all will stick with me and not mind if I'm a little erratic and a little wobbly, because I fell while running downhill at breakneck speed...
And now I need to learn how to walk again."
I hope you'll feel better Cole. You're so talented. Hope it's gonna be ok soon.
Detective Yoon:
Detective Khalaji
Five stars like always.
Yoon and Malcom are stronger than ever.
Yoon is more than ever clear about his feelings.
Malcom is just...Malcom. He's everything and more. My favorite.
An ex-boyfriend returns.
Some friendships are questioned.
Some relationships are questioned.
Mental state are questioned in this because what a case. A really bad case takes place in this.
Cole MCcade is incredible. The crime in this is so...terrific. I mean, I was speechless. Human mind can be so twisted . This is one of his most incredible work. Cole just kept my attention all along about my guys AND about this case. I can't wait for the final.
Gabi and..you know.
Anjulie and ...you know.
Sade and Min Zhe.
Sila.
Lillienne Wellington.
New intriguing characters.
Already loving this episode!
PS: I want to share this note Cole MCcade shared in his VIP zone.
Hi.
Come over here.
Sit with me a bit.
I need to talk to you.
I know you've seen me fucking up nonstop for the past year.
Missed preorders. Books I promised and never finished. Being over a month late with CI coming back, making you wonder why I bothered polling y'all for release dates at all.
Missing paperbacks I still haven't formatted and published.
Episodes of Season One of Criminal Intentions getting shorter and shorter, and more and more hastily written/poorly edited.
Erratic release dates.
It's been a mess.
And I've been treating each mess like an isolated incident, and apologizing for each one, but in truth it's all been the accumulation of a single thing.
If you follow me on Twitter, you already know:
I had a bad mental health break.
But I keep saying I'll explain why, and then avoiding it, and it's because I'm nervous about being honest about something in public that has to do with my private work life.
Which is why I'm talking about it here, and hoping my primary client is too busy to spy on my newsletter, though I doubt they'd take offense to this.
So.
Many of you know I'm a ghostwriter.
I won't say for whom. I won't even say what genre I write in for my clients. I signed NDAs, and I honor those. Don't ask.
Normally my ghostwriting work is easy. They give me a synopsis that tells me exactly what story I need to tell, and I fill in the blanks. Putting the meat on the bones. Then, you know, adding skin and hair and clothes to make it pretty because no one wants a book that's the equivalent of a skinless flesh husk.
...too much?
Sorry. Spooky season's got me all creepy.
The point is, cranking out extra wordcount for someone else on top of writing 1-2 books of my own per month wasn't really that hard. (Note the past tense: wasn't.) It actually kept me pretty fresh on my own work, and didn't require any mental effort. Just typing fast, and we all know I'm fiendishly good at that.
...but I have this one client.
I'm not dissing this client. They're my most consistent source of work; I've been working with them for over a year now, and we have a great friendly-professional relationship. We share industry info, industry gossip, strategies, etc. They pay me extremely, extremely well.
I write a book for them every 30-45 days as, like me, they're a rapid release author, meaning they release a new book every 1-2 months.
Yeah.
Already you see where this is going.
I've been supporting the career of not just one rapid release author, but two: myself and this client.
That's it. That's the big secret.
That as much as y'all thought I was already doing...
You had no idea I was actually doing twice as much.
My shoulders are broad, but that's a lot to carry.
And it gets deeper than that. These books are long, 90,000-120,000 words. When y'all see me post those massive wordcounts each month?
60-70% of that is often client work.
Plus.
I do heavy creative and editorial development work.
If y'all didn't know me in my previous life before the pen name Cole McCade and my dedicated career as an author...I have a lot of industry experience. Editorial Director with the luck to work with multiple NYT bestselling authors. Junior level positions at literary agencies. Other editorial and cover design positions with various publishers. Hell, for a while as a nonfic writer the NYT was even signing my paychecks.
Point is I've got a lot of experience making books better.
And there are days when I look at my client and say "If you try to make me write this as-is, I will fight you."
Then I rip their synopses apart, and put them back together as something better.
I mean, it's not wholly selfless.
Their books do better, I get paid better.
And the books I write for them do exceedingly well.
But don't get it twisted: this is a lot of work. A. Lot.
It takes about 3x more effort to fix someone else's book than it does to write my own.
...and then I've got to turn around and write the book, too.
While scrambling to meet my own deadline cutoffs, get through my own edits, etc.
While also doing all my own cover designs. Interior book designs and formatting. Marketing. Newsletters. Website management. Social media. Admin work. ARC distribution. Budgeting. (Don't ask if I have an assistant. I can afford to keep an editor on payroll or an assistant; not both.)
While trying to make room for books other than CI, because I know CI is a niche market and when was the last time I released a contemporary?
While trying to have a life.
While trying to sleep.
While trying to manage chronic mental and physical illness.
All while hitting client deadlines.
Somehow, over time...
It got to the point where my client's books took precedence over my own.
My client's career took precedence over my own.
I started slipping. For rapid release authors, staying relevant in Amazon's algorithms is critical--and for many marginalized authors, rapid release is the only way for us to get ahead and build a sustainable platform when we don't have the kind of money bigger names throw at advertising. It's about working hard, working smart, knowing the business, and keeping yourself visible vs. just spending money and letting ads do the work.
Falling off the cliff in Amazon's algorithms is a death knell.
Until CI went live yesterday...
I was way off that cliff.
For months.
And the last book I worked on for my client was the hardest of all; I had to pull a lot together from whole cloth, and all of this while I was staring at Black Tattoo and trying to figure out why I couldn't make it right.
That last client book broke me.
Just...tapped the last of my creative energy.
Left the well completely dry.
I couldn't write anything of my own.
Not for lack of trying, until I felt like my brain was trying to squeeze out of the cracks in my skull.
And now I'm to the point where I no longer make a full-time income on my books because I've slipped so far since my last new release, though I still do somewhat decently; but I still need my client's income to supplement, and can't step back from that to focus on my own career.
I'm trapped.
I don't think my client meant this to happen. They didn't mean to be exploitative, to edge me out of my own career. They trusted my ability to handle both their books and mine. They are immensely appreciative of the work I do on the consulting/editorial side, and very generous. I don't blame them for this. It's a job. Jobs take effort.
It just happened.
And I kept telling myself if I just went one more night without sleep, if I just put in one more hard three-day push, if I did this, if I did that, I'd get caught up. I'd release Black Tattoo, and finish the Cocky/Undue Arrogance trilogy, and get a head start on CI, and write a spoopy story for October, and...and...
And.
And.
And.
And I hit a break point, when I got close to September 10th and CI was nowhere close to the first episode done, let alone the backlog I had wanted to build up during my break. Because my well was still dry, and I wasn't going to refill it by trying to drain more out of it.
After still not getting Black Tattoo rewritten as something better, after not having any releases when I'd wanted to be moving along steadily, after seeing my momentum and all my hard work slipping and still having client deadlines to make if I wanted to make my rent...
I cracked.
I nearly quit writing.
And I just turtled for a few days to figure out what I wanted to do, because this isn't sustainable.
I can't repeat the last year I've been through. Even with time to rest, I am exhausted and seared to ash from burning the candle at both ends. All my messes have boiled down to this:
Trying to figure out how to balance my career, and my client's, and just slipping more and more.
That's why I've been fucking up for the past year.
I have run myself raw, burnt myself out, and backed myself into a corner where I can't really stop, but I can't move forward, either.
I'm working on what to do, though. How to handle this, to keep working on my client's books but also getting mine done.
Part of it, too, is I got into a depressed slump over never finishing anything. But now I've finished the longest episode of CI yet, I've brought my beloved serial back for a new season, and I'm fucking proud of that, so that's going a long way to get me moving again.
Though even after putting it off for a month, I still came in even later than I wanted because a.) I fucked something up in my exhaustion and had to fix it, and b.) I got derailed in time and emotional energy by the second shortest and third worst relationship of my life, and that was a lot of toxicity to get blasted in the face with in a very compressed period of time. I'm still shaking off the emotional mud and trying to just...move on.
And that's really what it's all about, in the end.
A year of just...scrambling, finally crashing to a halt, and...
Trying to move on.
I'm sorry I've been such a mess. Always a new fuckup, a new reason, etc. when it really all traces back to this and only this. I do too much, I refuse to abandon my career, but I need to keep doing my other work to fund that career, too.
I'm working on balance.
I've already talked to my client about just slowing down timelines a bit, and I'm working on my own self-moderation as well.
As far as my own work...
I'm just going to wing it, do what I can, and hope for the best.
I hope, once I pick up momentum again and start rediscovering why I love what I do--and I do love it, so much--that I'll be able to catch up on things like paperbacks, free stories, etc.
But I don't want to commit to firm release dates on anything except Criminal Intentions for a while, just to give myself room to breathe so I don't crash so hard again and give in to such despair that I nearly abandon what I worked so hard for over so many years.
I have so many things I want to write, so many stories I want to tell.
I can't stop.
But I hope y'all will stick with me and not mind if I'm a little erratic and a little wobbly, because I fell while running downhill at breakneck speed...
And now I need to learn how to walk again."
I hope you'll feel better Cole. You're so talented. Hope it's gonna be ok soon.
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