Hugging My Father’s Ghost: a memoir

by Zack Rogow

In this memoir, Zack Rogow tries to solve the mystery of the father he never knew. Lee Rogow was a widely published fiction writer, drama critic for the Hollywood Reporter, glamorous man-about-town in Manhattan of the 1950s, captain of a submarine-chaser in World War II—and he died tragically in a plane crash when his son Zack was only three years old.



For decades, grief kept Zack from looking closely at his father’s writings. In Hugging My Father’s Ghost, Zack delves into his father’s unpublished work and unearths treasures. The memoir includes Lee Rogow’s most intimate writings that have never seen the light of day. Those pages reveal intriguing secrets about Zack’s parents and their complex connections to the couple their children knew as godparents. The memoir intersperses Zack’s father’s writings, Zack’s reflections on his parents and the Greatest Generation, and imaginary conversations between his father and himself. The book blends laugh-out-loud humor with sharp pathos, while dealing with the pressures on immigrant families and how those impacted the fates of his parents.

This is a moving story of grief, genius, and laughter, beautifully told. And a good read!

—Robert Pinsky, U.S. Poet Laureate 1997–2000,

and author of Jersey Breaks



A sweetly forlorn recounting of a special time in New York, a zestful collaboration between the living and the dead, an aching tale of loss, and a revelation of secrets and lies that undergirded the author's family dynamics. Zack Rogow has gone the distance in this compelling probe.

—Phillip Lopate,

author and editor of The Art of the Personal Essay



I could hardly put down this engrossing memoir and fascinating journey of discovery of the author’s father, who died when he was only three. Father, like son, was a writer, and his stories, both published and unpublished, offer a way to know the man. Zack Rogow brilliantly expands this memoir to encompass two full both father and son. At the same time, we witness Rogow’s daring inquiry into a relationship missed and grieved for over decades.

—Judith Barrington, author of Writing the Memoir

231 pages, Kindle Edition

Published March 27, 2024

Reviews

[Summer Brenner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zack Rogow's memoir, Hugging My Father's Ghost, has a marvelous element of mystery. That's because Zack was only three when his father (Lee Rogow) tragically died in a plane crash. Thus, the book is an unraveling of the memories of others, of rumors, of conjecture, and most of all, of clues found in Lee Rogow's own writings. As Zack's father was a prolific writer, mostly publishing short stories in major magazines and theater reviews in the Hollywood Reporter, there is a lot to unpack from the trunk in the attic. There's also the charming device of Zack and his father's imaginary conversations. However, they don't feel exactly imaginary. Rather, they're filled with poignant longing of what could have been. Although the book is ostensibly about his unknown father, his mother is very present and treated with a great deal of TLC. The backdrop is the wondrous and privileged world of New York: Broadway shows and dance clubs, and summers on Fire Island alongside other members of New York's culture clan. The book's meaning to me is that you never forget, even the things you don't remember.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a lovely memoir, at once poignant, funny, terribly sad, and very moving. Rogow’s father comes alive, with his son establishing a lively, loving conversation with him, so much so that it feels as if this conversation had gone on for decades. Rogow inserts his father’s writings, offers critical commentary, and imagines exchanges with his father. At one point, he edits one of his father’s short stories in a more contemporary idiom, a real gem. Lee Rogow was clearly a terrific writer, and his talent lives on in his son. At the same time, and though it’s not the object of the memoir, Rogow’s mother also comes alive with her elegance, psychological and emotional battles, and her deep love for her children. This is such a tale of resilience and ultimately, a willingness to accept and love each parent with all of their magic and imperfections. In the end, each is still very much alive for Rogow and for each of us.

[Deb Bernick · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a warm, highly readable and creative memoir of a special father and a special time in 1940's-50's NYC, the theater world, Fire Island, Yale and the exuberant 60's. It is a deeply-felt search by a son for his father's unique character and legacy. Zack Rogow, an accomplished poet, transforms the memoir format as he re-creates new father-son dialogues, using gems from a wealth of family letters, writings and interviews. His activist mother's gifts and insights are also shown, in a sensitive and beautifully drawn way. In fact, I found Zack and both his parents to be ardent and prescient feminists in two distinct eras. I couldn't put the book down, and it awakened in me warm memories of my own NYC-based parents, and a time gone by - but values which persist. I have passed this book on to friends and relatives -- it's not only a Goodread - it's a great one!

[Roger Waldinger · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Hugging My Father’s Ghost, Zack Rogow achieves the almost unattainable: a moving, unforgettable memoir of the writer father whom he lost when he was only three years old. Rogow, himself a gifted poet, weaves the book together through a variety of strands: his father’s different writings; an imagined dialogue between son and father; a revision of one of his father’s own stories; and a recounting of the family history, which memorably brings back an era now departed. Despite the book’s inevitably elegiac tone, it is constantly humor-filled, ending in a way that every reader will enjoy. This is truly a book to be savored, which is why I am delighted to recommend it with an enthusiastic endorsement

[Jonas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rogow’s non-fiction debut playfully deploys an experimental form. Weaving together his father, Lee Rogow’s writings, imagined conversations between a grown man and the father he lost as a child, and other sources, Zack Rogow’s Hugging My Father’s Ghost innovates as much as it interrogates. Through these conversations it is clear that humor is an inherited trait and that preparations for conversations with the dead can take some time. Sixty nine years after the plane crash that killed his father, Rogow approaches the wreckage with caution and love.

Checkout the California Review of Books for my full review, https://calirb.com/hugging-my-fathers...

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

The author's courageous exploration of the past--and his brilliant father's tragic early demise--really moved me. The setting in the post-World War II high life of New York only adds to the sparkle provided by his glamorous and talented parents' life. Enchanting photographs make the story very real, while many moments of humor leaven the drama. Rogow's device of including imaginary adult-to-adult dialogues with his father provide additional insights and ironies. And then, I was floored by the unexpected climax! A wonderful read.
Lynne

[Ann Roberts · Rating 5 out of 5]

A disclaimer that I may be biased, but this is a moving and loving memoir of a father created through his writings both published and unpublished, through the stories and recollections of others and through imaginary conversations by a son with only a few of his own memories. It is a tribute to a man, sometimes larger than life, that is joyful and highly tragic, written with compassion and courage.

[Robert Sigmund · Rating 5 out of 5]

Zack Rogow's book 'Hugging My Father's Ghost' is a wonderful, poignant, funny, moving, and revealing. It precisely delineates an era, but also, manages to construct a very convincing, three dimensional view of its protagonist, the author's father and his world, and, indeed, Zack's mother's fathers' world as well.

I would urge everyone to read the book.

[Gen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in 2 days. A very novel approach to telling this story about a writer who died far too young. Both humorous and deeply moving at the same time. Haven't seen many memoirs this engaging and creative. With the added benefit of offering an insider look at the glamor days of New York in the 1950s.

[Christopher B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was impeccably written. The author's synthesis of his father's texts with the biographical and emotional elements was strikingly creative. It both broke the memoir mold and satisfied the memoir's requirements for an unflinching deep dive into an author's life.

[Peter Carroll · Rating 4 out of 5]

Every family carries its secrets, but for Zack Rogow whose father died in a plane crash when he was 3, it took a true lifetime to unravel the love and loss of its members. His father’s literary remains enables the son to find the necessary clues.

[Lisa Stice · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't want to say too much on this one because I'm hoping my review gets picked up by a literary journal, but it is a must-read.