What do you think?
Rate this book


258 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 1990
The living language is a like a cowpath: it is the creation of the cows themselves, who, having created it, follow it or depart from it according to their whims or their needs.
A schoolchild should be taught grammar--for the same reason a medical student should study anatomy. Having learned about the exciting mysteries of the English sentence, the child can then go forth and speak and write any damn way he pleases...Children obviously do not depend for communication on a knowledge of grammar; they rely on their ear, mostly, which is sharp and quick. But we have yet to see the child who hasn't profited from coming fact to face with a relative pronoun at an early age, and from reading books, which follow the paths of centuries.Speaking of a set of rules set forth by a school board for determining which books belong in its libraries:
Irreverence for things held sacred has started many a writer on his way, and will again...We think the way for school children to get both sides of a controvery is to read several books on the subject, not one. In other words, we think the Board should strive for a well-balanced library, not a well-balanced book. The greatest books are heavily slanted, by the nature of greatness.Now, somewhere there is a book of his consisting of all of his essays about dogs. That's one I'd really like to read.
"From this high midtown hall, undecked with boughs, unfortified with mistletoe, we send forth our tinselled greetings as of old, to friends, to readers, to strangers of many conditions in many places. Merry Christmas to uncertified accountants, to tellers who have made a mistake in addition, to girls who have made a mistake in judgment, to grounded airline passengers, and to those who can't eat clams! We greet with particular warmth people who wake and smell smoke. To captains of river boats on snowy mornings we send an answering toot at this holiday time. Merry Christmas to intellectuals and other despised minorities! Merry Christmas to the musicians of Muzak and men whose shoes don't fit! Greetings of the season to unemployed actors and the blacklisted everywhere who suffer from sins uncommitted; a holly thorn in the thumb of compilers of lists! Greetings to wives who can't find their glasses and to poets who can't find their rhymes! Merry Christmas to the unloved, the misunderstood, the overweight. Joy to the authors of books whose titles begin with the word "How" (as though they knew!) Greeting to the people with a ringing in their ears; greeting to growers of gourds, to shearers of sheep, and to makers of change in the lonely underground booths! Merry Christmas to old men asleep in libraries! Merry Christmas to people who can't stay in the same room with a cat! We greet, too, the boarders in boarding houses on 25 December, the duennas in Central Park in fair weather and foul, and young lovers who got nothing in the mail. Merry Christmas to the people who plant trees in city streets; merry Christmas to people who save prairie chickens from extinction. Greetings of a purely mechanical sort to machines that think—plus a sprig of artifical holly. Joyous Yule to Cadillac owners whose conduct is unworthy of their car! Merry Christmas to the defeated, the forgotten, the inept; joy to all dandiprats and burglars!"