What Doesn't Kill Us: A guide to overcoming adversity and moving forward

by Professor Stephen Joseph

For the past twenty years, pioneering psychologist Stephen Joseph has worked with survivors of trauma. His studies have yielded a startling discovery: that a wide range of traumatic events—from illness, divorce, separation, assault, and bereavement to accidents, natural disasters, and terrorism—can act as catalysts for positive change. Boldly challenging the conventional wisdom about trauma and its aftermath, Joseph demonstrates that rather than ruining one’s life, a traumatic event can actually improve it.

Drawing on the wisdom of ancient philosophers, the insights of evolutionary biologists, and the optimism of positive psychologists, What Doesn’t Kill Us reveals how all of us can navigate change and adversity— traumatic or otherwise—to find new meaning, purpose, and direction in life.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction, Self Help, Mental Health, Personal Growth, Health, Personal Development

336 pages, Paperback

First published November 1, 2011

Reviews

[Katie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Whether you're a survivor (or as author Stephen Joseph would say,"thriver") of trauma or a psychotherapist working with people who have experienced trauma, this is an essential read.

While "Trauma and Recovery" by Judith Hermann (excellent book!) explains the ins and outs of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder, "What Doesn't Kill Us" has more of a 'positive psychology' approach. If you are drawn to the works of Viktor Frankl ("Man's Search For Meaning") and Abraham Maslow (ie, self-actualization) as I am, you will love this book.

Trauma isn't so much about horrific things that happened to a person, but more so what one does with it in regard to creating a meaningful life in the present and future...an opportunity for growth and a new/deeper way of living.

[Katherine Center · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely LOVED this book and recommended it in my newsletter. This book is already an all-time favorite that I return to again and again. Wise, powerful, and truly helpful.

[Pam Barry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Can't recommend this enough to anybody who has gone through major loss or trauma.

[Vendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting book abot ptsd, I enjoyed it, but I knew a lot of informations about this topic.

[Chels · Rating 5 out of 5]

An ABSOLUTE must read if you're ever faced with a traumatic experience or if you're trying to understand someone who's going through such an experience.

What's so wonderful about this book is that it's not written in a cold clinical manner unlike so many other books. Instead it's written with a guiding hand, one that provides comfort while explaining both the medical and psychological aspects and how they relate and feed off one another. It provides insightful excerpts from a variety of persons who've all experienced some event in their life. Explaining their exact thoughts and how they affected each person differently and how each person responded accordingly. And it doesn't mearly tell you how they felt, but through their words you could feel their plight, feel the anxiety, and truly grasp the scope of PTSD.

But going farther than simply explaining PTSD, we learn how to cope, and we learn what stems from coping is a new perspective on life. How to appreciate things on a higher level, how to reprioritize what truly matters to oneself. Now, that's not to say PTSD is suddenly "fixed" and all is right again with the snap of the fingers. No, we learn and we grow through our trials and tribulations. It's a demanding process, but a worthwhile one. And the author never lets us forget these facts.

I myself have PTSD and have highlighted, annotated, and tabbed pages and pages within this book. It's helped me understand things so much better, and better yet I didn't feel like a case study while reading it. I didn't feel like I was being dissected. Instead, it kept my dignity intact. I wasn't "The patient" or "the subject" and neither were the other persons in the book. Instead we're given the respect due from going through (for lack of a better term) "the ringer."

Truly, I'll be reading this book again soon. Because for me, there's such a profound difference between awkwardly having to voice yourself in front of another in order to come to self realizations, as opposed to reading a book that slowly but surely leads you to a conclusion and you having that moment of epiphany where you can reflect quietly to yourself on YOUR OWN TIME.

[Jane · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a "thriver", I liked this book but at the end the author lost me. When trauma occurs we know that our body's neurotransmitters that balance our response to stress are compromised. This means sometimes pharmaceuticals are the only option as opposed to behavioral therapeutic techniques. I find it odd a man with a Ph.D. would carelessly recommend keeping your "feet firmly grounded on the floor" as an alternative to taking medicine that could easily alleviate a debilitating mental problem. To each his own I suppose, or in my case, her own.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Interesting concepts on how to turn trauma into learning opportunities and ultimately growth. Gives a much needed different perspective on PTSD and how working through it can change you

[ناديا · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I wished while reading I did three years ago, thought it might helped healing faster .

هل بإمكان كتاب أن يمسك بيد أحدهم بعد صدمة؟ حادث، مرض، فقد وحتى انفصال؟ ربما .. على الأقل يضعه على أول الطريق، يقدم فهم معرفي لما يواجه، ويطمئنه أنه سيمسي بخير، فأي نازلة بالمرء لا تقتله إنما تجعله أقوى، كما عنوان الكتاب المقتبس من قول لنيتشه "مالا يقتلني يجعلني أقوى".

الكتاب يحكي عن ال PTSD، مايمكن ترجمته اضطراب الكرب مابعد الصدمة، وقد أختصر المؤلف وصفه : “PTSD is a disorder of information processing “
تختلف ردة الفعل على أي هزة من إنسان لآخر وحتى أعراضها، لعدة أمور منها: فهم أسبابها، نقص الدعم الاجتماعي المعنوي، وغلبة أحداث حياتية أخرى، كما تتباين مدة رحلة التشافي التي قد تمتد لثلاث سنوات!

مالا يقتل يُغير نظرة المرء للعالم، يتيح له استقبال أقداره بشكل مختلف، على أن يقوم بالبحث عن جوهر الحياة، مُتخليًا عن طرقه القديمة في ال well being.
التعافي قرار، رغبة بالتغيير، إدراك تام بأن كل البشر معرضون لصدمة ما، وتطور الوعي رحلة تحتاج لوقت، رحلة يتصدى عبرها الناجي لمشاعر قديمة، راسمًا لنفسه حكاية مغايرة وجديدة.

▪️If you want to experience greater fulfillment in life find meaning that is driven by intrinsic rather than extrinsic goals and values.

[Bob Mcinnis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been researching post-traumatic growth for the past 8 years and Joseph provides a remarkable and accessible treatise on the what, who, why and how.

[Deb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this over several months. It sheds light on how one's perspective contributes to either 'Growth' or 'Stress.' A valuable read if you are trying to understand trauma.

[Nuno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Exactly what I had hoped it'd be: insightful, inspirational and realistic.
Throughout the book, Joseph never downplays the significance of a trauamatic event in shaping a person's day to day life and its destructive potential. He carefully shines light on an aspect of trauma that has rarely been studied: its positive effects.
The author makes the case that it is precisely posttraumatic stress which can be the engine towards posttraumatic growth. Trauma is characterized by a profound collision between our deepest held unconscious beliefs (that nothing truly tragic can happen to us or our loved ones, that the universe is fundamentally fair) and the recent experience, which temporarely shatters our worldview.

Stephen talks about two main methods to deal with such a significant experience, which are accomodation and assimilation.
Assimilation consists of trying to fit the occurence into our existing belief system. This mechanism is useful for small changes but it can lead to destructive developments in the face of such consequential events. An example of how this could turn out is that the individual tries to blame themselves, convincing themselves that they deserved what happened to them and thus proving that the universe is indeed fair. This leads to potentially drowning in feelings of guilt. Overreliance on assimilation as a coping mechanism can result in clinging on to the past and trying to go back to the way everything was in the past, which is in fact impossible.

Accomodation, on the other hand, is about stretching the confines of our existing mental frameworks. It doesn't try to fit the experience into what was previously known. Accomodation is about acknowledging the experience as a signpost telling us that we need to rethink our past assumptions. It challenges us to not strive to get back to old beliefs, instead pushing us towards rebuilding ourselves from the ground up. Accepting that nothing will be the same, yet choosing to move forward in a way that establishes new frameworks and narratives which do integrate this event (see the shattered vase analogy).


The stories we tell about ourselves hold the power to shape our actions. They are the principle shapers of our sense of eudaimonic well-being. Our challenge is not to forget, avoid or distract, but to find meaning in the suffering. Fitting the traumatic occurence into a narrative about ourselves can turn a devastating experience into one which is just as devestating, yet carries meaning. Crucially, which meaning the trauma takes on must come from within, not through external means. In time, this can lead the person to become more grounded and more appreciative of the things that matter most to them, granting them a renewed sense of life's value and impermanence.

[Brian Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

A look into the significant growth that can occur after trauma.

“In short, while the adoption of PTSD as a diagnostic category has been beneficial in terms of increasing access to psychological therapies for those who need them, it has been detrimental in these three ways: in taking responsibility away from people, in creating a culture of expectation, and ignoring the personal growth that often arises following trauma.

The aim of this book is to correct the imbalance—to show that trauma can have both negative and positive implications, and that the negative and positive go hand in hand. I challenge the trauma industry by offering a new perspective: namely, that posttraumatic stress is a natural and normal process of adaptation to adversity that marks the beginning of a transformative journey. Recovery from trauma consists of finding new meaning, creating new webs of understanding, and finding reparative methods centered on the sharing of memories. Viewed in this light, posttraumatic stress can be understood as a search for meaning in which the drive to revisit, remember, and think about the trauma is a normal urge to make sense of a shocking experience, to grasp new realities and incorporate them into one’s own life story. At the heart of this book is the idea that posttraumatic stress is the engine of transformation—of a process known as posttraumatic growth. …

Drawing on the wisdom of the ancient philosophers, the insights of existential and evolutionary psychologists, and the optimism of modern positive psychology, I present the new psychology of adversity—a fresh, inspiring, and humanizing perspective on how to manage life and its inevitable challenges.”

~ Stephen Joseph from What Doesn’t Kill Us

I got this book after I saw Stephen Joseph’s testimonial in Positive Psychology and the Body by Kate Hefferon. It was another one of those title/sub-title combos that just jumped out at me.

Of course, the title is a play on Nietzsche’s famous dictum: “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger.” While the sub-title perfectly captures the focus of the book: “The New Psychology of Posttraumatic Growth.” (Get a copy of the book here.)

Stephen Joseph is one of the world’s leading researchers on the science of posttraumatic growth. He is also a professor and therapist.

He started his career studying posttraumatic stress. In the process, he saw that many people experienced significant growth as a result of the stress they endured. At which point, he started developing his ideas on posttraumatic growth. Fast-forward a few decades and here we are.

btw: Martin Seligman followed a similar track. He started out studying learned helplessness, discovered that some people, no matter how much stress they endured, maintained optimism and then shifted his research to Learned Optimism to figure out what made THOSE people tick.

Some of my favorite big ideas from this book include:

1. Eudaimomic Treadmills - There are none.
2. Posttraumatic GROWTH - Stress = engine.
3. The Shattered Vase - Antifragile mosaics.
4. Harvesting Hope - The 1 + 2 + 3 for trauma survivors.

I’ve added What Doesn't Kill Us by Stephen Joseph Ph.D. MP3s on 600+ of the BEST self-development books ever. You can get access to all of those plus a TON more over at https://heroic.us.

[Mephistia · Rating 5 out of 5]

The writing is accessable to the layman and the research is solid; but what really bumped it up to 5 stars for me were the useful, research-backed methodologies outlined for the careful reader to utilize in facilitating their own post-traumatic growth. This is not only an excellent and informative read, but a valuable cognitive behavioral therapy/ mental health management workbook necessary for anyone interested in creating, managing, and maintaining a resilient life attitude.

[Benoit Lelièvre · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not exactly what I thought it was, but a good introduction to a phenomenon that should be better known. The cultural understanding of post-traumatic stress is very stereotyped. It's understood to be this crippling ailment that undermines someone's life to a point they become unable to enjoy it, but it's not always the case. This is great for any novelists who want to research what makes characters push through adversity and trauma in order to start anew.

[Stacey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is slightly outdated now, but I loved all of the information on post-traumatic growth. It was a very hopeful look at how people’s trauma can propel them forward into becoming better versions of themselves. It helped me understand trauma better and gives helpful insights and exercises to perpetuate growth after trauma.

[Tracie Griffith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommended. A good read.

[Katelyn Durfee · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic book! I'm sure I'll be returning to my copy over and over again.

[Deb · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting premise, but way too much repetition. This reads like a series of journal articles strung together into book format.

[Christopher Nicholls · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating to recognise this phenomenon in your own personal growth and when helping others.

[Alex Lanious · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book that helps to understand that traumatic experience can also lead to positive changes, promoting growth, helping to find meaning, connecting with ourselves and others.

[Zach · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very neglected reality: that trauma is a catalyst for personal growth. Any who's stuck with trauma or PTSD would benefit from this book.

[Martin Hassman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Čtivě podaný přehled znalostí o tom, jak lidé po prožití traumatu mohou vyrůst a žít lépe než před ním.

[Natálie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Architektura posttraumatického růstu: osobní změna, změna filozofie, změna ve vztazích.

To nejdůležitější co můžeme udělat, abychom v tomto napětí neuvízli, je aktivně zpracovávat své vzpomínky. Lidé kteří prožili trauma si musí uvědomit, že pokud se mají posunout dál, potřebují určitou míru akomodace, i když je bolestné opouštět dřívější pohled na život a sebepojetí. Lidé se potřebuji zbavit starých vazeb, starých citů, starých přesvědčení a starých zvyků. Pokud se jim to podaří, najdou rovnováhu.

Musíme přijmout, že zlé věci se stávají dobrým lidem a že většina z nás bude v tom či onom okamžiku nucena přehodnotit svá přesvědčení ve světle skutečnosti, že život je často plný nahodilosti, náhody a nebezpečí.

Tím, že zaznamenáte vlastní růst, zjistíte, že se prohlubujete.

Jako jednotlivci i jako členové komunit a společnosti se musíme naučit, že život nevyhnutelně přináší trauma a neštěstí. Skutečnost je taková, že nás straší duchové naší minulosti. Naše vzpomínky nás utvářejí a silné emoce vyvolané minulostí rezonují, signalizují nový význam. To je přirozený stav věcí. Proto se musíme naučit žít svůj život s vědomím, že neštěstí je neustále někde za rohem. Když udeří trauma, musíme být připraveni a odolní, přichystaní čelit tvrdé realitě, být otevření ke změně a směřovat k moudrému využití svého trápení.

[Anne-Alexandre Roy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very interesting book on posttraumatic growth.

[Vince · Rating 3 out of 5]

Schwartz presents his personal research and findings that help identify the conditions which most closely correlate with post-traumatic growth. His definition of trauma, as something that causes a deep horrific reaction, is useful in framing the discussion around the person's experience rather than judgments of whether what was suffered is worthy of the trauma label.

This book helps to steer the conversation around trauma survival away from the idea that victims will inevitably experience decline or retain the label PTSD for life. as someone who has experience, I found the text helpful when analyzing my own growth and continuing to adopt a growth mindset. In places,I felt the author could have made his points more concisely.

While I didn't finish this before my library loan expired, I believe I learned what I need from it. Three stars.

[Mark · Rating 4 out of 5]

The primary thesis of this book is that there are three long term responses to traumatic events. The most common is that people get through, and continue on in life. The second, getting a lot of press today are people who find themselves at a lose, losing capabilities, with the most extreme being PTSD. While this book looks at both these responses. it focuses on a third outcome (one much more common that PTSD), that people grow substantially as a result of the trauma. I would highly recommend this book if you are trying to love someone who wrestling through something that is traumatic for them. I appreciated the liberal use of footnotes which contain references to the studies / data which underlie the authors assertions.

[John-Manuel Andriote · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Joseph provides an excellent overview of the psychology of post-traumatic growth, demonstrating that in fact most people who experience trauma--which is to say most of us, at some point in our lives-not only recover, but grow and develop resilience as a result. He discusses the necessity to take responsibility for our own nine healing, to find meaning in our lives, and to 're-author' the stories of our lives in a way that makes us their hero rather than the victim. This is an outstanding book on a vitally important subject by a highly esteemed psychologist at the University of Nottingham, England. It is also very clearly written making it useful and interesting for both the mental health provider and the lay person alike.

[Olivia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Fantastic information, and relevant to all of us as we all experience tragedy at one point or another. My only criticism is the organization of material; I felt that Joseph repeated information, and it wasn't completely clear as to what would be covered in each chapter. As a result, I found the same pieces of information cropping up again and again. It seemed like he was bursting with ideas and put them all down without later cleaning them up and keeping his narrative succinct. Overall, a wonderful read, especially the postscript, which details what you can do for yourself if you are someone fresh from a traumatic experience.

[Diane · Rating 3 out of 5]

The author, an English professor of psychology, is a proponent of the "new" Positive Psychology. Like our Grandmas always told us, it's not so much what happens to someone as how they handle it/what you do with it that is the true test of character. Instead of abetting survivors of trauma to wallow endlessly in their misfortune, the new school of thought believes in encouraging them to "use" their experience/insight to do something positive. Seems like common sense doesn't it? Common sense is not so common in the world of psychotherapy, apparently.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I came away from Dr. Stephen Joseph's book inspired and encouraged as I take up studies for an MS in Clinical Psychology, focusing on post traumatic stress injuries and posttraumatic growth. Dr. Joseph clearly presents a brief history of PTSD and descriptions of that diagnosis' positive and negative effects. He also provides a balanced review if the research regarding posttraumatic growth. I heartily recommend this book to anyone interested in the subject of PTSD and Posttraumatic Growth.