Self Help: This Is Your Chance to Change Your Life

by Gabrielle Bernstein, Richard C. Schwartz (Foreword)

#1 New York Times best-selling author Gabrielle Bernstein charts a path to healing that can literally change your life—a simple, powerful method informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy.

Are you ready to unlock the greatest resource of your life? Gabby Bernstein has written the ultimate self-help guide, offering a revolutionary practice to radically shift your core beliefs and connect you to an infallible inner guidance system: the energy of Self within you.

In this groundbreaking book, Gabby demystifies the power of Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy, taking its life-changing teachings out of the therapist’s office and into your everyday life. You’ll discover how extreme patterns like addiction, rage, pleasing, or constant self-judgment often develop as ways to suppress old feelings of inadequacy, shame, or fear. Once you bring these patterns into the light and care for them, healing happens swiftly.

True to her gift, Gabby has translated the principles of IFS into a relatable, step-by-step practice. Sharing her signature wisdom, her calm presence, and her own lived experience, she guides you through a simple 4-step process to help you compassionately care for yourself, resolve inner conflicts, and transform your self perception. As you learn to approach your own behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs with curiosity, love, and understanding, you’ll start to see yourself through the lens of self-compassion, clearing space for miraculous shifts.

In Self Help, you’ll discover:

• Gabby’s 4-step “Check In” process to transform the patterns that have held you back
• Relatable, practical tools that fit into your actual life–instead of hours of contemplation
• Lasting relief from the negative stories you’ve been playing on repeat
• A practice you can apply anywhere, anytime, to connect with Self energy for instant relief

Self Help is the culmination of Gabby Bernstein’s extensive experience as a motivational speaker, spiritual leader, and best-selling author. Her unique approach, rooted in love, compassion, and authenticity, has resonated with millions of readers worldwide. In these pages, Gabby empowers you to become your own inner healer. This is your chance to change your life.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Personal Development, Psychology, Health, Personal Growth, Audiobook

Kindle Edition

First published December 31, 2024

About the author

Gabrielle Bernstein has been labeled by the New York Times as the next-generation guru. A motivational speaker, life coach, and author, she is expanding the lexicon for the seekers of today and tomorrow. She gives talks and leads seminars throughout the country, is on the Forbes list of the 20 Best Branded Women, and has been featured in media outlets such as Oprah Radio, Marie Claire, Health, Self, CNN, NBC, CBS, FOX, and the Wall Street Journal.

Reviews

[Rush · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could give this book a low 1-star review if it was not hiding some really useful IFS stuff in its overly repetitive, partly uninteresting narrative.

First of all, IFS as a therapy is really useful. This book tries to make it accessible to you without having the need to pay a therapist. In that effort, it manages to do a good job, making the process more "self-help".

But the problem is that Gabby has tried to turn this rather straightforward process into a book, and she (or her publishers) have decided that that book needs to be at least 200 pages. So she ends up filling page after page with repetitive information about the process, stories that are quite generic and don't do enough to motivate you and the same check-in process at the end of each chapter. Now if you do practice that check-in process at the end of each chapter while reading this book (and assuming that you read the book over several weeks), that can be a good thing since it allows you to go through the process in different settings, possibly allowing different outcomes at the end. But that's where my other big complain about this book comes in...

For the check-in process to be really useful, you would want to do it in the form of a meditative practice and listen to it in audio form rather than read (try reading your next meditation off a page rather than listening to it and see how it goes). Gabby HAS made this process available as audio BUT it is locked behind a paid subscription to her app! That for me is completely unacceptable. We have already paid money for the book and now you want us to pay again to listen to the check-in process? To be fair, the app does have a free version to listen to but that is from the first couple of chapters. And the check-in process is supposed to change according to the contents of the later chapters, which you don't have access to without paying. Gabby you cannot have both: either the check-in process is the same in which case you have made it available to listen for free but then the rest of the 150 odd pages of your book are not justified OR your check-in process changes with the focus of each chapter, justifying the length of the book, but then making us pay to really benefit from the book is just greed!

TLDR;
Book is unnecessarily too long with repetitive information and uninspiring stories, and the check-in process audio is locked behind a pay-wall. My advice, read Chapter 3 and Chapter 11, that's all you need and that's all the book needed to be.

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a transformative read and a companion for anyone ready to release their past, embrace the present, and create a more joyful future. With a blend of vulnerability, wisdom, and practical advice, it focuses on personal growth to build a life rooted in peace and purpose. The book draws on a therapeutic approach known as Internal Family Systems Therapy (IFS), which addresses the suppression of old feelings and patterns of inadequacy, shame, or fear. These protective mechanisms often dictate our lives. The author encourages readers to bring these hurtful patterns and aspects of themselves to the surface and care for them to facilitate healing.

The author provides actionable tools through a simple four-step process designed to help you take care of yourself, resolve inner conflicts, and transform your self-perception. One effective technique is the “Choose Again” method, which encourages you to pause, identify negative thoughts, and consciously shift to more empowering alternatives. This self-help guide reminds us that transformation is always possible when we’re willing to show up for ourselves.

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...

[A Hinks · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I could give this book 10 stars I would!
The insight and practices in this book are life changing. Thank you Gabby for sharing this gift with the world.

[Nicole Ziegler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such gratitude for everything Gabby does. She has guided me as I find my way as a believer and this book has inspired me to see myself in an entirely different and positive light. Thank you! ♥️

[Marissa Hart · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love GB and my first experience learning about IFS therapy but wish there was more tangible action at the end of the book

[shan · Rating 1 out of 5]

Sleep aid for the week

[Leah · Rating 3 out of 5]

I definitely didn’t do enough research on the book before I read it, I was just sold from Gabby’s podcast! It was super interesting, I didn’t get everything I hoped for from it, but think it will be one to keep coming back to in the future.

[Kara Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love the guidance of IFS of her personal journey love this author in general thanks gabs

[Marisa Brazelton · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed about the first 20% of this book. However, the further I got into it, the more repetitive, preachy, and spiritual it got. This was hard for me to feed into the idea of IFS—obviously it's a type of therapy that works for some people but I learned it's not for me. By the end, I was counting down the minutes left until I could be finished with the book.

[Scarlette Cook · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Lots of great insights on bringing IFS therapy into your day to day practice. Took lots of notes and felt lots of relief using the techniques in the book.

I think Gabby’s writing was repetitive and self indulgent at times. Not necessarily always a bad thing, but I felt that some of the examples of her helping people she shared felt not needed.

[William Okoye · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self help

[Shawna Runyan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really love the way IFS therapy is explained and applied in this book! Other books I’ve read on IFS have been a little too clinical to hold my attention but this one was so much more digestible and relatable. I’m looking forward to going back to do some of the meditations and exercises. Taking one star off due to some repetitiveness but overall I really loved this book and Gabrielle’s writing style.

[Isabel Tuman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not the book I wanted but the book I needed. I thought it was going to be very surface level how to be a better person blah blah blah. This is a deep internal connection you’ll have with your body and those around you.

[Christina Tsitouras · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this one. The concepts of IFS are very interesting and so helpful when applied in practice! Letting yourself shine through and help you in moments of old-programmed behaviours and stresses is a very beautiful lesson in this book. Thank you Gabby for sharing your wisdom yet again.

[Gina · Rating 3 out of 5]

This should say it’s about IFS in the title.

[Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gabby is one of my favourite people, I’ve read all her books, I’m a member of her App and have seen her live however this book was way beyond what I thought it would be and so heavy going. I was determined to finish it to see if I was missing something but it feels much more therapy based and a lot less like the Gabby I know and love which is a shame but I’m sure some people will get everything they need from it, just not me.

[Melissa Carle · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s very insightful into the IFS process. I didn’t feel the need to perform the exercises as I read them but I imagine someone who is really feeling in a rut would find them liberating. I definitely will take something from this book but I’m not like “OMG that was life-changing I want more!”

[mairead!]

“the solutions are inside.”

[Meredith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Self Help
Look this book was okay. I was actually enjoying it at the start and I do really like the message of checking in with ourselves and seeing the reasons why we act the way we do. Do I think we all have little children in us who are traumatised? Nah. Especially in my current sleep deprived season. The reason I’m so grumpy is because I didn’t sleep 💁🏼‍♀️. I also wasn’t a huge fan of Gabby’s examples. Some were good, but a lot felt off and very disconnected. I’d go in for the spiritual stuff though. Also there were a few good quotes, looking back, they’re mostly quotes she’s used from other people 😂

[Nitin Pillay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very powerful life changing book that offers the tools to practice the process. 10/10 highly recommend

[Kristy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I like that Gabby made IFS therapy more accessible to a wider audience, especially since the original IFS literature is pretty dense, but by the midway point, I found the book to be a bit repetitive and the all the personal anecdotes made it overly self focused than motivating. The practice prompts didn’t land for me either—unless you’re using this as a workbook, they’d definitely be more effective in an audio format. Maybe I’m just outgrowing Gabby’s writing, but honestly, listening to a two-hour podcast with Dr. Schwartz himself felt like a much better use of my time.

[Allison Mcgee · Rating 3 out of 5]

somewhere between 2-3 ⭐️
this book made me realize I’m really not a fan of gabrielle bernstein, or at least i don’t understand the hype. she did include some “hype” about herself throughout the book and experiences with what she has said to people that really just made me feel ???? i didn’t buy it. she made it seem as though she says one thing to people and suddenly their whole perspective or lives changed. i just wasn’t convinced.
that being said there is definitely useful information about IFS stuff in this book, but i found it to be overly repetitive with an uninteresting narrative paired with it.
i feel as though this book, could have been an email.

[Rachel Lura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gabby Bernstein’s Self Help isn’t just something you merely read through or listen through — it’s something you work through; it's experiential. This book goes far beyond self-help; it serves as a deeply intuitive guide for anyone on a journey of inner healing, spiritual growth, or emotional unburdening.

One of Gabby’s greatest gifts is her ability to anticipate the reader’s inner questions and emotional blocks. Just when confusion, doubt, or resistance arises, her words seem to meet you there — like a trusted mentor or compassionate therapist who knows exactly what to say next. Her lived experience comes through on every page, offering wisdom that feels both practical and profound.

The book is especially impactful in the way it reframes forgiveness — not as something we do to let others off the hook, but as a personal release, a reclamation of energy and peace. Gabby helps readers move away from patterns of self-blame, codependency, and perfectionism, and instead offers tools to return to inner stability and groundedness.

What stands out most is the way she speaks to our nervous systems, our subconscious beliefs, and our spiritual longings all at once. Through her teachings, readers are invited to explore what it means to stop outsourcing their safety and worth, and begin the much more empowering process of coming home to themselves.

This book doesn’t promise quick fixes. It offers something much more meaningful. Highly recommended.

[Els · Rating 3 out of 5]

Self help. Door: Gabrielle Bernstein.

Een tijdje geleden was er heel wat te doen rond de therapie die schrijver Griet Op De Beeck volgde (die haar leven radicaal veranderde) en die ze nu ook zelf aanbiedt, namelijk: IFS; Internal Family Systems. In de nieuwe reeks Hoe overleef ik-boeken van Francine Oomen komt het (onder een andere naam) ook aan bod.

Toen ik las dat Gabrielle Bernstein er een praktisch toepasbaar boek over heeft geschreven, Self help, wou ik het dan ook graag lezen. Self help is geen IFS in boekvorm, daar is het te gecompliceerd voor, dat moet je onder begeleiding van een therapeut doen.

Maar dit boek biedt je wel een eenvoudige manier om in 4 stappen contact te maken met je Zelf, zo inzicht te krijgen in patronen en de daar uitvloeiende problemen aan te pakken. Niet makkelijk en je moet zeker ook de oefeningen doen (deed ik nog niet), alleen de tekst lezen is niet voldoende.

Ik ben Gabrielle dankbaar dat ze deze boeiende therapievorm op een haalbare manier naar een breder publiek brengt!

[Shannon · Rating 5 out of 5]

When I bought the audio book version I had no idea what this book was about. I only knew it was written by Gabrielle Bernstein and that the book had called to me. As soon as I started listening to the book's intro I had big emotions, and I knew I had to buy the e-book as well. I was going to need to highlight and make notes! Self Help is a short but very powerful book about using the Internal Family Systems (IFS) Therapy to change your life. IFS Therapy was developed by Richard C. Schwartz. This therapy helped to change Gabrielle's life and in turn she is helping others to learn this powerful therapy tool. Could I have learned this information from Richard C. Schwartz directly? Yes. But Gabrielle's book called to me. I would listen to very small chunks of the book and then I would highlight my e-book version, and I would then need time to absorb and think about what I had heard. So much of this work spoke to me - to all parts of me - and it took me months to listen to/read because it is so very powerful. This will be a book/a method I will turn to again and again!

[Aimee Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Self Help provides a powerful way to turn IFS (Internal Family Systems) into a daily practice to enhance your life and your relationships. Whether you are new to IFS or have a lot of experience, the daily practice tools provided here will, in fact, change your life. Gabby does an amazing job of translating this therapeutic practice in a gentle, compassionate manner to enable you to identify, check in with, and befriend all of your parts, and allow your authentic Self to emerge. ‘Allow’ is a key word here - this is all about being gentle, loving, and forgiving of your parts when you are ready. Come back to this book again and again, making the check in a daily practice, and watch miracles occur. Very highly recommended.

[LadybugLoreNotes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is easy to read and offers practical, insightful tools—especially around inner child work. It helped me become more compassionate with myself and better understand not only what I’ve been through but also what others might be experiencing.

This isn’t a one-time read. While it’s categorized as a self-help book, I believe it’s best explored with the support of a therapist or in a safe, collective healing space. Tapping into hidden trauma or long-buried pain can bring up a lot, and without support, it might lead to retraumatization.

I strongly believe in the power of inner healing. We all have the ability to heal ourselves—when we’re willing to reflect, uncover the root causes, and approach it all with self-awareness and self-acceptance.

[Antonette · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’ve been a fan of Gabrielle Bernstein for many years and usually love her way of writing. Some of her books I have read 2:3 times and I’m a member of her coaching app.
However, for this book, which covers the basics of IFS, I felt like it was a bit too much “how can I make this about me” rather than “how can I help you.”
Having practised IFS before with my therapist and coach, I feel that the resources given in this book do not cover what is needed to practise IFS individually safely. This may also because of my language gap (I read the book in English while this is not my mother tongue) but after reading, I felt quite dissatisfied rather than relieved and connected to self.

[Jana Scott Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book?

It changed me.

It was a dense read… I started it in February, but couldn’t finish it at first.

Needed to put it down for a few months.

Came back to it this summer, more determined than ever.

Grateful that I did.

It was a huge step forward in not only understanding who I am?

But finding compassion and gentleness in who I am meant to be.

The strategies I have developed… and realizing that I am exactly where I need to be on this journey.

Well written and rooted in the IFS model, it led me to such a powerful understanding of how my life experiences have shaped the person I see in the mirror.

Walking forward with confidence and clarity.

Xo

[Stacey Turknett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gabby Bernstein’s Self-Help is basically Stop, Drop, and Roll for trauma. When you get triggered or emotionally lit up, this book gives you simple, practical tools to pause, get grounded, and respond instead of react.

What I love is that it’s not heavy or preachy. It’s trauma-informed, compassionate, and actually usable in real life. No bypassing, no “just think positive” vibes — just gentle ways to calm your nervous system and shift old patterns when they show up.

This is one of those books you don’t just read once. You keep it nearby for the moments you need it most. If you’ve done some healing work but still get triggered, this book is a game changer.