Break the Cycle: Vererbtes Trauma und wie wir es heilen können | Ein Leben frei von toxischen Mustern, die nicht unsere sind

by Mariel Buqué, Gabriele Gockel (Translator), Barbara Steckhan (Translator)

Wie du dein verstecktes Trauma erkennst und überwindest

Welche Verhaltensmuster, welche Prägungen, welches Trauma habe ich von meinen Vorfahren "vererbt" bekommen? Wie kann ich sie erkennen und wie kann ich diesen Kreis durchbrechen und heilen? Dr. Mariel Buqué liefert zugänglich Erkenntnisse zu diesem Thema, das einerseits zu einem tieferen Verständnis für generationenübergreifende Traumata führt, und darüber hinaus auch konkrete Anleitungen für den eigenen Heilungsprozess gibt. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Health, Personal Development, Audiobook

376 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 4, 2023

About the author

Dr. Mariel Buqué is a distinguished Psychologist, specializing in intergenerational trauma. She is also the accomplished author of "Break the Cycle," a profound exploration of healing intergenerational trauma. Dr. Buqué's influence extends beyond her written work, as she conducts transformative healing workshops for Fortune 100 companies, among them Google, Twitter, Capital One, and Facebook. Furthermore, she shares her extensive knowledge as a lecturer within the psychology department at Columbia University.

Dr. Buqué's clinical expertise and unique trauma approach have garnered her acclaim, making her a sought-after figure in the field. Her insights and wisdom have graced the screens of major media outlets such as Good Morning America, The Today Show, CNN, The Real, and have been featured in esteemed publications like Allure, Glamour, ABC News, and more. She is originally from the Dominican Republic and currently lives in New Jersey.

For further exploration of her impactful work, please visit her website at www.drmarielbuque.com.

Reviews

[Lupita Reads · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s taken a few years for me to confront and peel back the negative ideas of mental health help I’ve carried over the years and the reasons why I spent a lot of time avoiding picking up books directly related to mental health. When I experienced my very first panic attack years ago, I just wanted all the emotions to go away. I was convinced they were wrong and I wasn’t normal and if the panic, anxiety, panic, depression could go away, I could go back to my “normal” self. I carried a lot of shame for a while about how I was feeling until I literally couldn’t suppress how I was feeling anymore. It was then that I tried to explain to my Mamá how I was feeling and she opened up with stories about our family’s history with mental health that I had never heard before. The thing that stood out to me was that our conversation didn’t happen with the terms/language used in a therapist’s office. Instead, experiences were described which I could later understand thanks to seeking out help from a mental health professional.

This book mirrored that for me. Dr. Buqué masterfully weaves her personal stories with that of her clients illustrating the impact of intergenerational trauma not just on our mental health but within our bodies. I found this not just that but also a guide and resource for sitting with trauma and holistically addressing healing. I listened to it first via audio which is typically how I most feel capable of approaching books that center on mental health. I find that listening and doing something with my hands helps me stay focused & not spiral out into trying to diagnose myself. I would highly recommend the audiobook if that happens to you as well. I would also recommend a physical copy to have on hand to go back and do the exercises outlined. Some of them even ended up being great writing prompts for me too.

Overall, these past few years I’ve felt a lot less shame about my mental health and have read a lot more books on the topic. This one lands high on my “Books that help me understand my brain better” list. Coming in with it would also be "The Deepest Well: Healing the Long-Term Effects of Childhood Adversity" by Nadine Burke Harris and "But What Will People Say? Navigating Mental Health, Identity. Love and Family Between Cultures" by Sahaj Kaur Kohli.

[Em · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Mariel Buqué's "Break The Cycle" is a paradigm-shifting guide that not only excavates the roots of intergenerational trauma but also offers a revolutionary approach to healing it. As an Afro-Dominican psychologist, Dr. Buqué draws upon her extensive expertise and personal experiences to deliver a groundbreaking narrative that marries scientific insight with practical exercises and profound stories from her therapy room.

The book eloquently introduces readers to the concept of intergenerational trauma, depicting how unresolved emotional wounds traverse across generations, impacting individuals, families, and entire communities. Dr. Buqué powerfully illustrates this concept by sharing her childhood experience, at the age of ten years old, of trekking miles to fetch water with her grandmother in the Dominican Republic, a poignant metaphor for what our foremother's endured in order to meet their own basic needs and that of our families.

What makes "Break The Cycle" a compelling read is Dr. Buqué's remarkable ability to blend ancient and indigenous healing practices with modern therapeutic methodologies. Her unique, holistic approach is underlined throughout the book, reflecting her dedication to integrating sound bath meditation, breathwork, and other holistic practices into therapy, propelling a new era in trauma healing.

As a reader, I found myself deeply touched by Dr. Buqué's courage in sharing her personal journey as a Dominican immigrant and how she navigated through inherited intergenerational trauma. Her adept storytelling interlaces her own experiences with those of her clients, offering diverse yet relatable stories that vividly elucidate the transformative power of healing and doing so by honoring our ancestral healing practices.

Dr. Buqué challenges the status quo in Western psychology by highlighting the deficiency in addressing intergenerational trauma, a sentiment I wholeheartedly resonate with as a therapist of African American and Puerto Rican descent. Her book resonates with an empowering message of shedding ingrained trauma responses, replacing them with adaptive coping strategies that are holistic, healthy, and far-reaching.

What sets this book apart is not only its comprehensive understanding of intergenerational trauma but also its actionable strategies. Dr. Buqué effectively translates her holistic approach into tangible therapeutic practices, creating a guide that is both enlightening and actionable for readers seeking mending and transformation.
Dr. Buqué emerges not only as an expert but as a compassionate teacher, leading readers on a profound journey toward restoration.

Overall, "Break The Cycle" is an essential and compelling resource that doesn't just enlighten but empowers readers to take the necessary steps towards healing. She reminds us all that we are cycle breakers and shows us exactly how to sow the seeds of intergenerational abundance. My favorite chapter? Hands down, breaking old parenting patterns! Dr. Buque really breaks down how to care for ourselves while caring for our children at a time when society is dramatically changing and things feel more uncertain then ever.

Thank you to the author and publisher for the e-arc copy!

[Miglė · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember being in a retreat, a river of pain pouring out from a person next to me, when the leading therapist asked -

"is this pain yours?"

this is a book about the pain that is not ours, not really, but we got so familiar with it, that it blended into our being, blinding us with the intensity that has been gathering strength for decades, or centuries. it asks not only what happened to you, but also what happened before you, and around you.

it's embarrassing to admit how much I could relate to it. shutting off when what I want the most is reaching out. leaning into my fragile ego when I know I value connection above all. maybe that's why family reunions turn into a tornado of emotional intensity, not only being triggered in familiar ways, but recognising our irrational responses in others, followed by bitter sweet aha-moments: so that is how I learned to shut off!

it shouldn't be embarrassing. I'm hearing the same stories from my friends. I'm seeing the same patterns around me. and it's the book that raises awareness of it, and I believe in the value of awareness greatly. even more importantly, it's a book that encourages action on top of awareness.

it's a workbook of sorts. I expected a set of research studies, clinical stories, biological mechanisms, and I got all of those, but the key focus of the book is active work towards breaking intergenerational cycles of pain. reflection questions, mindfulness exercises, introspective tasks. it's self-help in the literal sense of the word. in the best sense of the word, as it encourages approaching the darkest depths of our history, and seeking nurturing resolution.

my ancestors handled some inexplicable challenges. my grandpa's brother was deported to Siberia for not complying with Soviet dictatorship. my other grandpa's brother was brought to a concentration camp for not complying with the Nazi regime. my parents grew up in the society where no one trusted anyone, as a word said mindlessly could get you killed. I was raised in the echoes of it.

it's a book helping to hear those echoes for what they are, and learn to create your own music out of them.

[Melany · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was quite informative. I've been wanting to do inner work and try to heal, but I learned about generational trauma and gave this book a go. I loved this wisdom. I wrote down so many notes, so many helpful tips. This has me truly motivated!

[Alyson Lucille · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this! As a therapist I’ll be taking some points and questions from this book into my office. I really liked the author’s trauma tree, the thought provoking questions bulleted, and her coined terms regarding intergenerational trauma. Thanks goodread giveaways for this win!

[Sarah Rincon · Rating 5 out of 5]

After starting a tradition with my partner of buying a new book at each place we travel to I will never forgot finding myself noticing this book and deep within knowing I needed it! Not only for me but for my community and for the journey I see so many of us embarking on. This book is hands down my favorite book of the year! In my top 5 as a clinician and I am so excited to recommend it to fellow friends, clients & clinicians doing the work ❤️

[lisa the worm]

I really wish I was in the mood to read this!

It’s so well researched and important but I wasn’t in the mood to read this when I got it. I feel rating this would be unfair, as it’s entirely reflective of my personal mood reading this genre rather than the actual content of the book.

Again though, still a very important book.

[Kelly Pramberger · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent advice in this book. Great tips. I found the information actionable and easy to understand. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Alyssa Chan · Rating 4 out of 5]

The case in this book that stood out to me was of a mom, Luna, who supposedly hit her child (who had also come into therapy with her), because I think a lot of people in Dr. Buqué’s position would have difficulty seeing the humanity in someone who engages in physical abuse towards children. In that way, the author demonstrated compassion and used a holistic, nonjudgmental approach to solving this problem - getting to the root of Luna’s problematic behaviours aka the trauma that she herself experienced and was perpetuating towards her child. Here, Luna isn’t regarded as some sort of evil monster, but rather a broken, hurting human who had her own demons to fight and needed to enlist the help of Dr. Buqué.

I am slightly skeptical about how effective some of the exercises she listed in the book, especially the affirmations, are, but maybe that’s just the cynic in me. This is why healing from trauma can be a long, arduous, and uncomfortable process, since it already takes so much time and courage to recognize one’s trauma, put a name to it, and potentially even acknowledge our own role in perpetuating trauma in other people’s lives. And it can be awkward to sit in the intense emotions that may pop up as we recall how our parents, grandparents, and other ancestors may have perpetuated harmful habits that continue to impact us today. Being an effective, safe therapist for clients experiencing intergenerational trauma requires a willingness to be fully present with clients in their pain and discomfort, which not everyone has.

[Alyssa Harvie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Break the Cycle is an excellent self-help book that focuses on the author’s area of specialty, intergenerational trauma. She does a great job gently laying out what intergenerational trauma looks like, how it transfers between members of a lineage, and approaches to breaking and ending the cycle. I found her activities very straightforward, approachable, and useful—especially the intergenerational trauma tree exercise. I also appreciated her weaving in knowledge and healing techniques from different cultures, such as Native American wisdom, Kinyarwanda sayings, singing bowls, etc., including recipes from her own Dominican family.

Intergenerational trauma has become a buzzword of sorts and a hot topic, but what really makes this book special is her emphasis on intergenerational resilience, wisdom, and cultural practices as an essential part of the healing process. She makes sure to point out that we get passed down a lot of good stuff that we could better utilize, too!

She also maps out a few ways to adapt Western, individualistic therapeutic knowledge to better embrace the realities of intergenerational trauma, such as a different approach to the common “ACEs” inventory that addresses more than just direct, personal trauma.

Some people might find elements or exercises in the book to be a little too “woo-woo” for them. However, there is still plenty of scientific evidence in this book and some more practical, helpful exercises, so I think there is knowledge a wide variety of people could benefit from. Overall, the book was very compassionate and clear. I think there’s a good chance this will become part of the “canon” of psychology self-help books for people dealing with trauma.

Thank you so much to Dutton for the advance digital copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Christie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book came across my radar last year and I decided to give it a read for a New Year, New You challenge. I am not new to the idea of intergenerational trauma, cycle breaking, or reparenting so some of the book was retread, but there was much that was new for me. The format of the book was very helpful. I appreciated the exercises and reflection questions in each chapter. It is definitely a book that you want to have your journal nearby for and have time set aside to really absorb. The chapters are not long though so it is easy to work through in 15-30 minute increments. The book does bring up a lot of emotion, so it was great to have grounding practices baked into each chapter as well.

This gave me a lot of things to think about. I really loved the focus not only on intergenerational trauma, but also on intergenerational resilience. I think so many times, books and content like this really hone in on the negative and don't allow people to explore the positive things they have also inherited. I highly recommend it to all who are dealing with intergenerational trauma and working to not continue the cycle.

CW: alcoholism (mentions of), cancer (mentions of), child abuse (mentions of), deceased family member, domestic abuse (mentions of), drug addiction (mentions of), genocide (mentions of), incarceration (mentions of), medical procedures, mental illness, pedophilia (mentions of), sexual assault (mentions of), suicide (mentions of)

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is such a lovely little book - patient, gracious, willing to meet you where you are and with whatever you’re willing to give to your healing practice. She makes space for everyone at the table while also acknowledging, in a very inclusive and welcoming way, that some people’s pain is different and intersectional and burdened by layers of cultural baggage in a way that others’ is not. Not all of the practices she discusses here will resonate with all of her readers (sound baths are not and never will be my thing) but even reading about them as a holistic process is helpful for understanding what trauma-informed, culturally competent practice looks like. What I appreciate about Buqué’s approach is that she gives you tools you can use on your own if you know that other people in this family are not going to come along on a healing journey with you (lol), which makes it both realistic and helpful.

The sections that were most heavy-hitting for me involved grieving the kind of childhood you wanted to have but didn’t - and then moving on rather than staying stuck in that grief - and explicitly discussing the need to heal yourself in order to not pass the same maladaptive behaviors and trauma responses onto your own children. Like, ma’am, I was not prepared to ugly cry while reading a self help book but HERE WE ARE.

I am once again wondering why it is the responsibility of the people who did not cause the trauma to do the hard work of stopping the trauma in its cycle but that’s probably another review for another day.

[Aida · Rating 5 out of 5]

I liked this one! It gives valuable basic info about trauma while also diving with more depth into certain areas, clearly names which therapies it’s pulling from, discusses practical strategies in a logical progression, and incorporates a variety of culturally-grounded healing strategies. The focus on the intergenerational aspect of this went beyond mere understanding of the concept and into USING the concept toward healing backward, forward, and sideways! This would be good for laypeople as well as clinicians alike.

[Mir Shahzad · Rating 4 out of 5]

Summary:

Break the Cycle inspires you to become a cycle breaker – to recognize, understand, and take on the challenge of healing generational trauma. It underscores the value of acknowledging both the trauma and resilience in your family history. This insightful guide also encourages daily practices like journaling to enhance self-awareness and emotional growth.

[Claudia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book intents to be one that brings intergenerational healing in to your hands through a holistic pathway. While it is absolutely educational, it is not the standard trauma book. It is so much more; it truly is a guide.

After reading it and highlighting multiple revelation type sentences, beginning some of the practices (with still much more to do); I can honestly say it succeeds in being just that.

It’s important to note, as Dr. Buque states, “No traditional training in Western psychology has adequately prepared any…mental health clinicians to treat patients for intergenerational trauma. There is no guidebook for when clients come to us with the emotional wounds of an entire lineage of family members.” This type of trauma healing is sorely lacking much help from most traditional therapy and health practitioners offerings.

Dr. Buque’s life work has been literally developing such practices and this book clearly shows the deepest genuine intentions to bring this healing to the people directly.

With such a mammoth goal as healing intergenerational trauma, I believe a health practitioner who has dedicated her life and has personally done this healing journey herself, is the absolute best source to rely on.

You are given a lot of basic necessary information regarding intergenerational trauma, it’s affect on your nervous system, epigenetics and so much more.

The actual work is easily laid out and you are able to begin as soon as you feel comfortable.

There are writing exercises, ventral vagal stimulation exercises, somatic practices and even sound bath meditations provided. Holistic practices included are also given the respect and gratitude to their roots and people.

Dr. Mariel Buque truly hit it out of the park with this book.

I highly recommend it to anyone looking to heal intergenerational trauma and especially for people of color who may like me, connect to her story and that of many others in this book. You can indeed be a “cycle breaker”.

Thank you to NetGalley, Penguin Group - Dutton and the author Dr. Buque

[Alina Karapandzich · Rating 5 out of 5]

Will definitely buy my own copy so I can do the exercises at my leisure over the course of a year or so. The exercises seemed reasonable and helpful and all the context and medical stuff behind it was all explained well!

[Carla · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is written with intention! If you are looking for a book as a newbie about intergenerational trauma this is a good start. I enjoyed it very much, it is field with exercises and reflection sections to really work through your own trauma. I will come back to it and re-read some parts.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

“A parent can’t give you what they never received.” This quote really stuck out to me while reading this book, as how one of my parents treated me as a child is what kickstarted my inner healing journey.

This book was tough to read, but in the best way possible. We all have intergenerational traumas passed down to us by our ancestors and it’s up to us to wake up and address these within ourselves. I loved how this book explains how this works in a digestible way, and healthy ways we can stop them and heal ourselves.

Highly recommend this book!

Thanks to NetGalley, the author, and publisher for the early reviewer copy. 🙏

[Jervis Henry · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an insightful experience! I understand why my attachment style is the way it is. Thanks Mariel!

[Trisha]

* I won this in in a Giveaway from Penguin Random House for their reaching 10K on social media. Thank you!!

[Carla King · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful and powerful resource to living a better, more fulfilling life.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Heather Rosales · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book for a CEU discussion group for NASW. Has tons of helpful hints, goes over what each chapter was about and gives prompts to reflect on. I've already suggested this to a few clients.

[Beth E · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thought that this book was excellent and very powerful.
I really felt that drawing my own intergenerational trauma tree was a powerful tool.

[Kelley McClarnon]

I listened to the audiobook. I think it would be more beneficial to read the text.

[Emily Kinnaman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though the language can get a bit bogged down (think: holding space) I really liked what this author had to say about intergenerational trauma and healing.

[JACOB JARZABEK · Rating 1 out of 5]

Huge waste of time. The worst part is she says “check out all the resources I have for you in the back, plenty of exercises and techniques” and it’s just like 3 lists. Numbered lists with no description.

[Rosh (read in the A.M.) · Rating 4 out of 5]

That last section is for future me to meditate on but the previous two where just what I needed. This healing journey is no joke.

[Franklin Phan · Rating 5 out of 5]

read this with my cousin. generation therapy ftw

[Isabel Fontes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This guide is a valuable resource that offers practical advice and insights to help individuals enhance their self-awareness and emotional growth through daily journaling. "Break the Cycle" is a powerful tool that empowers people to break free from the cycle of generational trauma by recognizing, understanding, and healing from past wounds. It promotes acknowledging the trauma and resilience in one's family history, providing a constructive and healing approach to personal growth.

The book acknowledges that traditional therapy and health practitioner books often lack guidance on how to handle emotional wounds that stem from multiple generations of family members. However, "Break the Cycle" is thoughtfully organized and paced and provides supportive recommendations to help individuals navigate difficult content. This book delves into the complex aspects of our history and psyches, making the concept of intergenerational trauma and healing more relatable and understandable.

"Break the Cycle" is a powerful book highlighting the transformative power of self-awareness, self-compassion, and the belief that everyone can heal. It offers readers the necessary tools and support to actively participate in their healing journey and break free from the cycle of generational trauma.