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Aging: The Fulfillment of Life
We are all aging. We are each a spoke on the great wheel of life, part of the ongoing cycle of growth. In Aging , Henri J.M. Nouwen and Walter J. Gaffney share some moving and inspirational thoughts on what aging means (and can mean) to all of us, whether we're in our youth, middle age, or later years.
Enhanced by some eighty-five photographs depicting various scenes from life and nature, this book shows how to make the later years a source of hope rather than a time of loneliness -- a way out of darkness into the light. "Aging," the authors write, "is not a reason for despair, but a basis of hope, not a slow decaying, but a gradual maturing, not a fate to be undergone but a chance to be embraced." And they remind us of our responsibility to incorporate the aged into the fabric of our own lives -- helping them become teachers again so they may help us repair the fragmented connections between generations.
Aging shows us all how to start fulfilling our lives by giving to others, "so that when we leave this world, we can be what we have given." It is a warm, beautiful, and caring book: a simple reaffirmation of the promise of Him, who by His aging and death brought new life to this world.
Enhanced by some eighty-five photographs depicting various scenes from life and nature, this book shows how to make the later years a source of hope rather than a time of loneliness -- a way out of darkness into the light. "Aging," the authors write, "is not a reason for despair, but a basis of hope, not a slow decaying, but a gradual maturing, not a fate to be undergone but a chance to be embraced." And they remind us of our responsibility to incorporate the aged into the fabric of our own lives -- helping them become teachers again so they may help us repair the fragmented connections between generations.
Aging shows us all how to start fulfilling our lives by giving to others, "so that when we leave this world, we can be what we have given." It is a warm, beautiful, and caring book: a simple reaffirmation of the promise of Him, who by His aging and death brought new life to this world.
160 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1974
9 people are currently reading
170 people want to read
About the author
Henri J.M. Nouwen
452 books2,132 followersHenri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.
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Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews
June 30, 2015
Recently, my co-teachers and I visited another co-teacher whose father had passed away in a far countryside to show our sympathy to her families. There I met not only her late father in a box and her families but also her grandmother. She is already old, frail, bed-ridden, wrapped herself from head to toes despite the acrid weather. Her skin is almost wrinkled coming apart from her bones, and she can no longer see as her eye flaps covered her eyeballs flat . A wave of fear and awe came over me during the wake ; then, I remembered Henri Nouwen’s philosophy of aging.
Whenever I ask my students at what age they want to kick the bucket, surprisingly, most of their answer is anywhere between 40 and 50. Their common reason is that aging is a nightmarish stage of life when they go through many changes such as in emotional, social , mental , notably physical aspects. They are aware of that geriatric life could be a rite of physical pains. Consequently, society tends to hand over this negative stereotype to another generation.
In this book, Henri Nouwen and Walter Gaffney discusses what is aging and how it can be for people. According to him, there are three factors that make many old people feel ostracized: segregation, desolation, and loss of self. These factors are considered as three forms of rejection: rejection by society, rejection by friends, and rejection by inner self.
To extirpate this negative meme, Nouwen explains aging by likening it to the turning of the wheel as the gradual fulfillment of the life cycle . We should accept this fact from the deepest part of our heart as what we pulled through in our young adulthood stage. To avoid our possibility to develop geriatriphobia or fear of getting old, he supports his proponents by illustrating some anecdotes to understand the real minds of being senescent. In my books after reading it, I remain firmer in my belief that aging could be a bed of cherries and roses too. ^^
This little book is also interesting because it has 85 photographs about things around our environment symbolizing the natural ageism . Walter Gaffney must have taken them himself. They are even soothing in our eyes.
In the context of psychology, one of the theories why we are said to fear ageism , aside from the physical pains we could undergo, is that we tend to be stagnant at this age. We tend to ask ourselves what needs we have done so far since we began to explore the world. Have we met the goals which we have thought to be our satisfaction? Such as achievements in your career? or Affiliation needs in which you have built your relationship? In this case, experts must be in the conjunction based on Maslow’s theory that in order to be happy even at the last stage of your life is that you will have done the goals you want to achieve before you die. As Mitch Albom’s professor put it in his best-selling book Tuesday with Morries, “ If you do not know how to live , you are afraid to die.” Thus, fear of death could be associated with ageism.
When my students ask me the same question, I said that I want to live as long as 100. My students frowned at my answer pursing their lips. They asked me why. I just replied that there could be many things I would love to do more. I am not afraid to get older. I would not care about the physical pains I could endure. Simply but ridiculously because I am obsessed with the books I want to read more in the next generation. ^^
Whenever I ask my students at what age they want to kick the bucket, surprisingly, most of their answer is anywhere between 40 and 50. Their common reason is that aging is a nightmarish stage of life when they go through many changes such as in emotional, social , mental , notably physical aspects. They are aware of that geriatric life could be a rite of physical pains. Consequently, society tends to hand over this negative stereotype to another generation.
In this book, Henri Nouwen and Walter Gaffney discusses what is aging and how it can be for people. According to him, there are three factors that make many old people feel ostracized: segregation, desolation, and loss of self. These factors are considered as three forms of rejection: rejection by society, rejection by friends, and rejection by inner self.
To extirpate this negative meme, Nouwen explains aging by likening it to the turning of the wheel as the gradual fulfillment of the life cycle . We should accept this fact from the deepest part of our heart as what we pulled through in our young adulthood stage. To avoid our possibility to develop geriatriphobia or fear of getting old, he supports his proponents by illustrating some anecdotes to understand the real minds of being senescent. In my books after reading it, I remain firmer in my belief that aging could be a bed of cherries and roses too. ^^
This little book is also interesting because it has 85 photographs about things around our environment symbolizing the natural ageism . Walter Gaffney must have taken them himself. They are even soothing in our eyes.
In the context of psychology, one of the theories why we are said to fear ageism , aside from the physical pains we could undergo, is that we tend to be stagnant at this age. We tend to ask ourselves what needs we have done so far since we began to explore the world. Have we met the goals which we have thought to be our satisfaction? Such as achievements in your career? or Affiliation needs in which you have built your relationship? In this case, experts must be in the conjunction based on Maslow’s theory that in order to be happy even at the last stage of your life is that you will have done the goals you want to achieve before you die. As Mitch Albom’s professor put it in his best-selling book Tuesday with Morries, “ If you do not know how to live , you are afraid to die.” Thus, fear of death could be associated with ageism.
When my students ask me the same question, I said that I want to live as long as 100. My students frowned at my answer pursing their lips. They asked me why. I just replied that there could be many things I would love to do more. I am not afraid to get older. I would not care about the physical pains I could endure. Simply but ridiculously because I am obsessed with the books I want to read more in the next generation. ^^
June 25, 2025
“We not only tend to deny the real existence of old men and women living in their closed rooms and nursing homes, but also the old man or woman who is slowly awakening in our own center” (p. 101).
A helpful little book on aging. More of a meditation on the things that keep us from caring for the aging. Some deeply beautiful and helpful passages throughout. This is not a definitive work, but is worth working through a section at a time with time to reflect and consider.
A helpful little book on aging. More of a meditation on the things that keep us from caring for the aging. Some deeply beautiful and helpful passages throughout. This is not a definitive work, but is worth working through a section at a time with time to reflect and consider.
March 1, 2025
What a beautiful book! And a quick read!
The photography and the connected through line of ideas in this book are so great. Although the main purpose of this book is aging, it touches on so many subjects like productivity, humor, and compassion.
Would recommend! Absolutely!
The photography and the connected through line of ideas in this book are so great. Although the main purpose of this book is aging, it touches on so many subjects like productivity, humor, and compassion.
Would recommend! Absolutely!
March 10, 2025
Thin book, written for aging people or those who care for aging people who don't mind academic language. No, my mom would not read it. I liked some of the pictures; I found other pictures to be more of a distraction. I do have underlined passages, and the book will join my shelf of books on aging and growing older. It wouldn't be my first choice for a book on aging, but it does have thought provoking passages in it.
January 17, 2020
I am always enriched in mind and spirit when I read anything by the late Henri J.M. Nouwen. Now that I am retired and definitely getting "OLD," I appreciate the observations in this little treatise. I may be old, but I still have things to offer the younger folks I have the privilege of sharing life with. And I need to be open to the things they can still teach me.
February 11, 2023
Although it has been years since I read him, Henri Nouwen has been a favorite author. I chose this because I am recently retired, felt my mortality. This read however left me flat! As I care for my 92 year old mother I am learning much from her and our journey together. Shared journeys teach what Nouwen points toward. Living is the lab!
August 14, 2023
“Much violence in our society is based on the illusion of immortality, which is the illusion that life is a property to be defended and not a gift to be shared.
…All human beings- whether they are ten, thirty, fifty, seventy, or eighty years old- are participating in the same process of aging. …confronting all with their illusion of immortality.”
…All human beings- whether they are ten, thirty, fifty, seventy, or eighty years old- are participating in the same process of aging. …confronting all with their illusion of immortality.”
December 10, 2017
This short book has tips on making the later years a source of hope rather than a time of loneliness.
"It is true that people age the way they live..."
"Humor is knowledge with a soft smile."
Wonderful promise in Psalm 92:13-15 - 'the virtuous will flourish'
"It is true that people age the way they live..."
"Humor is knowledge with a soft smile."
Wonderful promise in Psalm 92:13-15 - 'the virtuous will flourish'
October 29, 2017
Much wisdom in this little book, as with most everything Nouwen wrote.
November 6, 2017
one of those books that would be good to read on a periodic basis.
Relatively short...many insights.
Relatively short...many insights.
May 5, 2021
Short and thought provoking.
November 18, 2021
I love Henri Nouwen, but this was a bit of a disappointment.
February 10, 2009
In this short book, Nouwen lays out what many others have done as well in enlightening us on the way we view the elderly. The caveat he adds, however, is that we are all aging and all have an important part to contribute based on the way we age. By understanding and embracing this we can see that every person has a place in the wonderful spectrum of life and should be viewed in that light. Although not certainly one of his best, he does a beautiful service to a humble and generous outlook on life and this is another extension of this.
October 23, 2024
This book was first published in 1976. It contains many stories that can truly get you thinking. It is enhanced with photographs depicting scenes of life and nature. It is a book that conveys making the later years of life a time of hope rather than a time of loneliness. Nouwen’s writings are always touching and profound. He states,”Aging is not a reason for despair, but a basis of hope , not a slow decaying, bit a gradual maturing, not a fate to be undergone but a chance to be embraced.”
February 22, 2014
In Aging Nouwen invites us to care for the elderly by embracing our own aging. As is his style we understand our care for old people is possible where we understand that we all are in the same process of aging. Aging is a universal and therefore profoundly humanizing aspect of our life. If we embrace our aging it can be a path into the light, if we ignore it it will only be darkness.
May 20, 2014
As a younger person (mid 20's) I picked up this book because I am a pastor of an older congregation. Initially, I thought this book was a kind of devotional for older people, but I have found that it contains so many lessons that I needed to learn, wisdom every young person needs to learn. This book should be read by all ages.
January 1, 2016
I don't know how I found this book, but it will be staying in my permanent collection. Such a small, rather odd, but hopeful collection of reflections and insights on the powers and pains of aging. It gave me much to think about in my relations with elderly people, but also about my own aging and the day when I will be elderly. What an important topic, but how little there is to read on it.
April 11, 2023
A very short book dealing with some thoughts on our aversions to connection with the elderly and some reasons for why and how we should reach out. My version is full of pictures so it was a very short read, but one which I will probably read again as I don't feel I've totally absorbed what's in it.
(and yes, I did read it in a day. It really is that short)
(and yes, I did read it in a day. It really is that short)
January 15, 2011
Amazing book! Unique insight on restoring the connection between the older aging and the younger aging.
July 31, 2016
Beautiful, aching, hopeful spirituality of aging
February 3, 2017
While Nouwen's books are all good. I didn't like this one the way others seem to write about it. This one really makes you think and it seems to raise more questions than answers. The book is liberally illustrated with pictures, but I didn't find them connected to what I was reading. I generally enjoy pictures, but these were more a distraction.
I've been around elderly people my whole life. The isolation Nouwen describes is real, but in my experience the aging welcome a smaller world with fewer surprises. Often the isolation people choose is a welcome retreat from a world that is moving too fast in too many directions at once.
If you'd like to read this book send me a message on Facebook and it's yours.
I've been around elderly people my whole life. The isolation Nouwen describes is real, but in my experience the aging welcome a smaller world with fewer surprises. Often the isolation people choose is a welcome retreat from a world that is moving too fast in too many directions at once.
If you'd like to read this book send me a message on Facebook and it's yours.
Displaying 1 - 21 of 21 reviews