Turn My Mourning Into Dancing: Finding Hope in Hard Times

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

In times of suffering, simplistic answers ring empty and hollow. But Henri Nouwen, beloved spiritual thinker and author, offers real comfort in the concrete truth of God's constancy. Nouwen suggests that by greeting life's pains with something other than despair, we can find surprising joy in our suffering. He suggests that the way through suffering is not in denial, but rather in living fully in the midst of the trials life brings our way.

Hardcover ISBN 0-8499-1711-5

Genres: Spirituality, Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Religion, Christianity, Grief

128 pages, Paperback

First published October 17, 2001

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[7jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a collection of unpublished writings (from as early as 1960 to around 1996), from the archives of this author, on the theme of living fully in the midst of hard times and to beyond, and having hope. To find something to guide us through, and let it teach us. Here, things are arranged in 5 types of movements, from a negative to a positive state.

We hear an invitation to allow our mourning to become a place of healing, and our sadness a way through pain to dancing.

First is of moving from our little selves towards the larger world. Realising that others suffer too, and finding occasion for growth and insight in our pain, and not moving towards bitterness and stagnation. To face our hurts, and not deny it/them – looking beyond ourselves, and turn to God. Having gratitude for the good and bad in our life, and practicing the gratitude.
Second, from holding tight to letting go. Surrendering our denial of our limitations, our control of a piece of our identity, our clinginess. Saying no to bitterness and fear and possessiveness – more open to people, new things, courage to face limit and hurts, waiting patiently. Getting comfortable with loss, make use of prayer and make God more our center. God has his surprising ways. Here is the first place where Nouwen recommends quiet contemplation, giving attention to God.

Thirdly, from fatalism to hope. Having hope amid the fragilities of life, nurturing the seed of an eternal life. To accept changed, to not limit/settle, to accept help. It is good here to remember God has conquered the world, and see little daily reminders of God’s presence. And work on avoiding feelings of impatience or boredom (still something I need to work on!).
Fourthly: from manipulation to love. From proving yourself all the time to sincere love. No ‘helpful advice’ activism, comparing the level of helping others have done with your own actions. Some solution is in prayer life, and quiet contemplation, listening, of what God can say. The calling to forgive (incl. others’ imperfections), and knowing that we can be loved as we are, not just what we do. And love our enemies belong here too. This was perhaps the hardest chapter for me (and I did want Nouwen to tell me what he thought one should do instead of the ‘helpful advice’ thing he talked of as an example, in this chapter).

And finally, well, we come to death – from fearful death to joyous life. To remember and accept death, and live life with openness. Learning to be grateful and practice letting-go. To not hide from, or glorify, death. Dying is a leap of faith, with hope of a life after. To not cling, but surrender. To be working to be closer to God. I think this part was a really good ending pair.

Surprisingly good book with insights that gave something new for me think about. Some pairs came closer to me than others, but in every pair there was some sort of lesson to me, and I think this would be often true for other readers of this book. And thus my reading Nouwen has come to an end, though no doubt I will reread all his books that I have again, especially since some of books I have read many enough years ago.

[Mary Alice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Quotes from the book say it better than any commentary from me:

“I have always been complaining that my work was constantly interrupted; then I realized that the interruptions were my work.”

“Grateful people learn to celebrate even amid life’s hard and harrowing memories because they know that pruning is no mere punishment, but preparation.”

“In so many encounters we try to look away from the pain. We try to help our friends quickly process grief. We hastily look for ways to bring cheer to a child or ailing aunt. All the while, however, we act less out of genuine ‘suffering with’ and more out of our need to stand back from the discomfort we fear we might feel. We secretly, restlessly want to move from the place where it hurts. Our evasions do not help others, of course, but rather cause them to put up defenses and drive away those who need someone to care.”

“I realized that healing begins with our taking our pain out of its diabolic isolation and seeing that whatever we suffer, we suffer it in communion with all of humanity, and yes, all of creation. In so doing, we become participants in the great battle against the powers of darkness. Our little lives participate in something larger.”

"I am less likely to deny my suffering when I learn how God uses it to mold me and draw me closer to him. I will be less likely to see my pains as interruptions to my plans and more able to see them as the means for God to make me ready to receive him. I let Christ live near my hurts and distractions.”

“Community, then, cannot grow out of loneliness, but comes when the person who begins to recognize his or her belovedness greets the belovedness of the other. The God alive in me greets the God resident in you. When people can cease having to be for us everything, we can accept the fact they may still have a gift for us. They are partial reflections of the great love of God, but reflections nevertheless. We see that gift precisely and only once we give up requiring that person to be everything, to be God. We see him or her as a limited expression of an unlimited love.”


“Time has to be converted, then, from chronos, mere chronological time, to kairos, a New Testament Greek word that has to do with opportunity, with moments that seem ripe for their intended purpose. Then, even while life continues to seem harried, while it continues to have hard moments, we say, “Something good is happening amid all this.” We get glimpses of how God might be working out his purposes in our days. Time becomes not just something to get through or manipulate or manage, but the arena of God’s work with us. Whatever happens— good things or bad, pleasant or problematic—we look and ask, “What might God be doing here?” We see the events of the day as continuing occasions to change the heart. Time points to Another and begins to speak to us of God."


“The great paradox is that it is in letting go, we receive. We find safety in unexpected places of risk. And those who try to avoid all risk, those who would try to guarantee that their hearts will not be broken, end up in a self-created hell.”

[Susan Anderson]

This man is so dependably profound

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

My thanks to libro.fm and Thomas Nelson for an audio ARC of this book to listen to and review.

I didn't realize the author was a Jesuit priest and while I respect the Jesuits and Catholicism, I am not a Catholic, I am a Protestant, so some of what he said resonated with me, some went over my head and some I disagreed with completely.

So a little something for everyone, lol. I should probably re-listen at some point so I can try to catch what went over my head.

3, not quite my cup of tea but not a bad listen, stars.

[Jared Kassebaum · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have loved Nouwen's voice and language of love and compassion for the last few years, and although the writing in his different books starts to heavily blend together in my mind, this is not for the worse, as I hope by reading and listening to more and more Henri Nouwen, his life of being God's beloved will slowly seep into my own heart's formation, and I am never bummed when it feels like he repeats truths and joy and beauties that my heart dearly needed to be repeated. (Listened on audiobook.)

[Unchong Berkey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rich and deep chapters examining the dance of sorrow & joy as we move through hard times. Henri Nouwen has a way with words, and I was deeply moved by his never-simplistic reflections on finding hope and seeing beauty in the desperation of our human condition.

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book slowly to soak it in. What a beautiful way to think of hard times and death as it relates to our faith in God. I know I will return to it again. I’m grateful my friend, Michele, gifted it to me and read it with me.

[Josh Klassen]

So good

[Melissa · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first picked up this book during a rough time in the lives of my community, but I couldn't read it. Several months later I was lead to it again and found it very helpful in knowing how to keep walking - and dancing through life.

[fpk · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'd learned of Henri Nouwen fairly recently, and it was through other authors who'd admired him.(Fans as diverse as Elizabeth Sherrill and Anne Lamott), So I decided to check out this short book first. What a gem. Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest whose writings and teachings have garnered a following from Catholics and Protestants alike. Though I don't think this book's title is quite accurate to reflect its content, I was not disappointed in this book. It's full of deep insights into our human condition, our deepest longings and disappointments and losses. I found myself underlining and highlighting just about every paragraph. I'm anxious to now read his other works, The Wounded Healer and The Return of the Prodigal Son especially. Highly recommend this book, and this writer in general.

[MaKenzie Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

I greatly enjoyed this book. The book was written after Henri’s death and complied by Timothy Jones. Many of the excerpts are deep and meaningful and can take days to ruminate on. Suffering, sorrow, and lament aren’t usually comfortable to read and learn about, but this book and the thoughts in it educate the reader and gently lead you towards God and his heart in these matters. We learn just how present our King is and how to, for lack of a better term, take advantage of our suffering and sorrows to grow closer to God and understand a small aspect of His character in this regard.

[Shannon Unger · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book with a group of girlfriends and was honestly not that excited for it. I didn’t think it was applicable to where I was in life, but boy was I wrong. This books so much to human condition and how we can better understand God and live in his presence. I will absolutely revisit this book!

[Jess Gaul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nouwen gives a beautiful account of meeting God in the midst of our suffering and grief. I will return to this book again and again.

[Isa Gueno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowowow! This was awesome. I loved this read. These are some of my favorite quotes🥲

“Who can say where the morning ends and the dance begins? The Holy Spirit teaches me to dance”

“If morning and dancing are part of the same movement of grace, we can be grateful for every moment we have lived. We can claim our unique journey as God’s way to mold our hearts into greater conformity to Christ.”

“Jesus says, “Maturity means growing willingness to be led, even to places we wouldn’t eagerly choose”

“Solitude is daring to stand in God’s presence.”

I have NEVER read a book by Nouwen I did not leave feeling inquisitive and better off than before. He is a great writer and I do love this book.

[Michelle Raybourn · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another plane book finish!

I started this one at the I’m With Her Show, waiting for it to open and finished it on the way home from my uncle’s funeral.

Nouwen is always a good friend as a write and that proved to be true in this book as well.

His words about hope stood out to me on this road. The way he connects scripture and psychology is so encouraging to me.

[Daniel Supimpa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Beautifully written, sensible to actual experiences of suffering, and distilling Christian hope. Believers still suffer, but with different perspectives hope of final redemption, and trustfulness in God's wisdom and company. A very nice gift for someone who's going through a difficult season and wants a good reflective reading.

[Maddy Huffman · Rating 5 out of 5]

A re-read as a part of my 2024 re-reading series, but still hits as good as 5 years ago. I may be bias as a fan of Henri Nouwen’s work, though.

[Ann-Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've recently discovered Henri Nouwen - wow. I highlighted so much in the kindle edition that I couldn't export it all. This books gently, ever so gently, takes us by the hand and invites in to enter into our suffering and mourning and find the presence of God there. Over and over as I read through this book, I found myself highlighting a quite and then just sitting there and thinking and praying about it. Here's an example:

If God is found in our hard times, then all of life, no matter how apparently insignificant or difficult, can open us to God’s work among us. To be grateful does not mean repressing our remembered hurts. But as we come to God with our hurts—honestly, not superficially—something life changing can begin slowly to happen. We discover how God is the One who invites us to healing. We realize that any dance of celebration must weave both the sorrows and the blessings into a joyful step.

His writing style is so full of ease, so beautifully written; it is an invitation to let our God love us.

[Preston Scott · Rating 5 out of 5]

Published posthumously, this collection of Nouwen’s writings made into a book offers tremendous spiritual insight for anyone stuck amid a difficult season. Neither trite nor truistic, Nouwen shows how to find hope in God no matter the circumstances.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm not sure why I picked up this book at the library bag-day sale. Also I do read spiritual books from time to time, I pretty much steer clear of anything too god-y, anything that refers too specifically to a particular faith. But there it was, slim and new, when I needed a break from the apocalypse, so I picked it up.

In many ways it feels Buddhist with all its words on what are essentially impermanence, striving, clinging, trying to control. But it's not, except in that way in which all spiritual traditions converge. And maybe that is what allowed me to keep reading through the Bible quotes that often feel so preachy, so judgy, instead of comforting. Or maybe I just needed to be told not what someone thinks I need to hear, but the things I didn't want to think about. To own things I prefer to deny. And although, it's central message, "Give it to God," feels simple and almost cliche these days, he gave it such depth and texture that the insights really hit home.

I didn't really expect to say I'd recommend this book to anyone struggling with grief or loss or separation, but I would--even those who might resist books that contain Jesus' name, like I do. In fact, I will probably read it again. Perhaps even tomorrow.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were sections of this book that I really connected with, and other sections that didn't keep my attention. I'm not sure why...perhaps the writing was a bit too academic?

This book was put together from some of Nouwen's writings after his death, and it is well organized. Five chapters contrast the unhealthy things we hold onto with the healthy perspectives we should seek (e.g.,"From Fatalism to Hope").

One of my favorite quotes is from the last chapter ("From a Fearful Death to a Joyous Life"):
"Life is a school in which we are trained to depart. That is what mortification really means: training to die, to cut away the enslaving ties with the past. So that what we call death is not a surprise anymore, but the last of many gateways that lead to the full human person."

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me through a really hard time. I wrote a song after reading it. Nouwen's perspective on suffering and how to cope with it in a godly way is right on. It helped me understand how important it is to enter into other peoples' grief with them in addition to helping me deal with my own. This is very Christ-centered and inspiring without being over-emotional or unrealistic.

[Tweedledum · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find Nouwen's books deeply restorative. Searching for some encouragement in a time of despair I seem to have been led to this book and found comfort and wisdom on almost every page. Nouwen writes in a simple and direct style but also with an openness and honesty, not afraid to admit his own weaknesses . He writes of his own journey but points unerringly to the one who can restore our souls.

[Yenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such great consolations came from this book. Nouwen reminds us our tendency to lose hope and surrender to fatalism, what dying really means - life is a practice of depart, and our belovedness that came from the Lord. This book wants us to see death as death. filled with advices and wisdom, this book is one of my most highlighted book.

[Kyle Wedel · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful little book that encourages and challenges anyone who is going through a challenging season of any kind. Nouwen’s words are as poignant and touching as ever, coming alongside the reader and their struggle and grief rather than trying to pull them out of it from some moral high ground. Highly encourage reading this book, especially if you are a fan of Nouwen’s other writings.

[Diane Badger · Rating 5 out of 5]

My copy is highlighted, dog eared, post a noted. I have read and reread this book. I find something new each time I read it.

[Kayla Roth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I go back to this book again and again to reread underlines and reflect on what it means to live with open hands and an open heart.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Henri Nouwen was a Catholic Priest. He was Dutch born and was a child during Hitler’s occupation of his country. He was a student at Aloysius College in The Hague, a Yale/Harvard lecturer and scholar. He also studied psychology at The University of Chicago.

This book is a collection of writings taken from his archives. His last vocation was at a place called Daybreak L’Arche community in Toronto Canada. This was a community for severely physically and mentally handicapped people. Here he left his books and his lectures behind to became “a cup of living water” as Christ shows us how.

Now. The title of the book comes from Psalm 30:11

“You have turned for me my mourning into dancing; You have put off my sackcloth and clothed me with gladness, To the end that my glory may sing praise to You and not be silent.”

Also, along these lines from Isaiah 61 …

“…To give them beauty for ashes, The oil of joy for mourning, The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; That they may be called trees of righteousness, The planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified.”

Then Matthew 5:4 from the beatitudes where Jesus blesses those who mourn “for they shall be comforted”, speaks to Nowen’s discourse in this book too.

It was while he was at Daybreak, surrounded by an onslaught of suffering humanity that he began to form a new thought about suffering and healing.

“I realized that healing begins with our taking our pain out of its diabolic isolation and seeing that whatever we suffer, we suffer in communion with all of humanity, and yes, all of creation. In so doing we become participants in the great battle against the powers of darkness. Our little lives participate in something larger.”

The thought of “Our little lives participating in something larger…” resonated with me. When some personal pain bears down at times, when it is difficult to rouse myself to look beyond my own confusion or heart ache (or stubbed toe!), then by that one reflection it is easy to look out and around and to enter into a larger battle that foists itself upon everyone at one time or another. I see my job as observer, hugger, listener, praying person, wide open to others as I take stock and my gaze shifts from my belly button upward toward God’s Greatness.

Nowen talks about how we want so baldy to shake away our pain, to just simply hurry to get rid of it. But the better question he asks is, “how can I make it an occasion for growth and insight?” And Nowen speaks of the necessity of grief, which works through, our very experience to a healing that constitutes divine mercy. Otherwise, he notes, that we attempt to avoid the experience of grief and end up “being the judges of our own past.” This judgment most often leaves a residue of denial, shame and guilt. Mercy is the healing spot.

Nowen also suggests that community is our place of learning the grace of embracing the largeness of pain. In other words, as we live with and for others our suffering takes on a meaning beyond our immediate hurt, or sorrow or conflict. We learn to truly enter into one another’s needs and respond out of grace rather than manipulation (we don’t much like to see or hear or experience the suffering of others – we try to “fix it” or come up with platitudes…)

Anyhow, he says this and so much more. I am mostly inspired to see my little life as participating in something larger. And I need to read the book from time to time to remember what I believe.

[Laysee · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are days when the sky is more grey than blue. I drag my feet and forget how to dance. It is easy to see why the title of this book beckons to me.

It is intriguing how Henri Nouwen (1932 – 1996), a Dutch Catholic priest, professor, and theologian, drew inspiration and spiritual insight from an unlikely community. Laying aside the academic role he had assumed for nearly twenty years, Nouwen worked with individuals who had intellectual and developmental disabilities at the L’Arche Daybreak community in Richmond Hill, Ontario. He found that the people at Daybreak did not ask to rid themselves of suffering but to find out how to live fully in the midst of it.

This is a short book of reflection on how to cope with pain, loss, grief, death, and dying. It adopts a Christian perspective and will offer encouragement to readers who share the faith and those who are open to what Nouwen had to share.

I found myself jotting down Nouwen’s words, back-tracking, and re-reading them to let them sink in. In the opening pages, Nouwen said,

“Suffering invites us to place our hurts in larger hands… Absolutely nothing in our lives lies outside the realm of God’s judgment and mercy.”

“By inviting God into our difficulties, we ground life - even its sad moments - in joy and hope.”

“Ultimately mourning means facing what wounds us in the presence of One who can heal.”

This short book of less than 150 pages describes five movements of a life grounded in God:
1. From Our Little Selves to A larger World
2. From Holding Tight to Letting Go
3. From Fatalism to Hope
4. From Manipulation to Love
5. From A Fearful Death to A Joyous Life

I am grateful for the nuggets of wisdom contained in Nouwen’s reflections. There is still much to learn about coping with life’s challenges. In the meantime, I remind myself to “Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer." (Romans 12:12).

[Riley Lewis · Rating 3 out of 5]

I decided to read this because I found out that Mr. Rogers loved his writings. This is a deeply pastoral little book with a gentle, reflective meditation feel on grief, loss, and the possibility of hope. It carries Nouwen’s tenderness and wisdom, offering reassurance to anyone walking through sorrow. While the book contains moments of profound beauty, it often feels repetitive and lacks the depth. At times, the simplicity reads more like a series of sermon notes than a fully developed exploration. Still, Nouwen’s compassion shines through, and readers seeking comfort in suffering will find passages that speak directly to the heart.

The book is built around the idea that God can transform grief into new life when we learn to face our pain honestly and surrender to trust in God. Nouwen invites readers to:

* Recognize sorrow instead of fleeing from it.
* Embrace vulnerability as a path to healing.
* Find meaning by turning outward in compassion to others.
* Trust God’s presence in the very places that feel most barren.

Rather than offering neat solutions, Nouwen emphasizes openness, patience, and faith in God’s quiet work of renewal. While I agree with these points it can feel oversimplified.


### Selected Quotes

Here are some of the most striking lines:

* *“Mourning makes us poor. It powerfully reminds us of our smallness.”*
* *“In our willing acceptance of our powerlessness, healing begins.”*
* *“We can choose to let our losses open us to a deeper awareness of life’s gifts.”*
* *“The great call is to trust at all times that God is with us, and that God will give us what we most need.”*
* *“Compassion asks us to go where it hurts, to enter into the places of pain.”*