Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring

by Henri J.M. Nouwen

One of the best-loved spiritual writers of our time—an author ranked with C.S. Lewis and Thomas Merton—Henry J.M. Nowuen, takes a moving, personal look at human mortality in Our Greatest Gift . A meditation on dying and caring, Our Greatest Gift gently and eloquently reveals the gifts that the living and dying can give to one another. The beloved bestselling author of With Open Hands, The Wounded Healer, and Making All Things New shares his own experiences with aging, loss, grief, and fear in this important and life-altering work.

Genres: Spirituality, Nonfiction, Religion, Grief, Theology, Christianity, Christian

144 pages, Paperback

First published February 24, 1994

About the author

Henri Jozef Machiel Nouwen was a Dutch Catholic priest, theologian, psychologist, professor, and spiritual writer whose work profoundly shaped contemporary Christian spirituality. Born in Nijkerk, the Netherlands, in 1932, Nouwen pursued religious studies and was ordained a priest in 1957. His intellectual curiosity led him to study psychology at the Catholic University of Nijmegen and later at the Menninger Clinic in Kansas, where he explored the connection between faith and mental health. Throughout his life, Nouwen remained committed to integrating pastoral care, psychology, and spiritual theology in a way that addressed the emotional and existential needs of believers.
Nouwen held teaching positions at prestigious institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School, and Harvard Divinity School. He authored over three dozen books and hundreds of articles, with notable works such as The Wounded Healer, The Return of the Prodigal Son, Life of the Beloved, and The Inner Voice of Love. His writing, often rooted in personal vulnerability and spiritual struggle, resonated with readers across denominations. Nouwen openly explored themes of loneliness, identity, intimacy, and the human desire for love and belonging, making his voice especially relatable and influential.
Though he was a gifted academic and popular speaker, Nouwen found his deepest calling later in life through his involvement with L’Arche, a network of communities for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. After a transformative stay at the original L’Arche community in France, Nouwen accepted an invitation to become the pastor of L’Arche Daybreak in Richmond Hill, Ontario. There he developed a close bond with Adam Arnett, a core member with severe disabilities, which inspired the book Adam: God’s Beloved. At Daybreak, Nouwen discovered a deep spiritual home and a community that helped him embrace his humanity in profound ways.
Throughout his life, Nouwen wrestled with issues of identity, including his sexuality and his longing for connection, though he remained faithful to his vows. His openness about depression and inner conflict gave depth to his pastoral message, and his ability to turn personal struggle into shared spiritual insight made him one of the most beloved spiritual writers of the 20th century.
Henri Nouwen died in 1996 of a sudden heart attack, but his legacy endures through his writings, the Henri Nouwen Society, and the continued global reach of his message of belovedness, vulnerability, and compassionate community. His books remain bestsellers, widely read in seminaries, churches, and among individuals seeking a more intimate walk with God.

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful journey and an insightful exploration about what dying and caring for the dying is. Going to need a reread or two.

[Brielle · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short and profound look at what it means to embrace our mortality, learning to both die well and care for the dying well.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have read Henri Nouwen before and loved him, but this book didn't hit the mark for me. It is a short book dealing with dying and dying well. He does have a simple relaxing style that is easy to read.

[Libby Derrick · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75/5 ⭐️ - Nouwen’s tenderness really shined in this book. He reminded me that not only is it good and right to sit alongside and serve the dying, but that I will one day have that date, and God calls us not to fight our finitude, but to humbly aim to glorify him through our dependence on others and weakness. Death isn’t something to pretend won’t happen, but to prayerfully consider how to steward well. While I had theological questions and disagreements, Nouwen’s book was beautiful and refreshing.

[Chad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nouwen has introduced me, in this book, to new ways of thinking about the death of my loved ones as well as my own death. In particular, he stresses how our deaths become the event which can bring renewed hope to others as our life and love continue to bear fruit in their lives long after we are gone. Indeed, for many of us, what we will ‘’accomplish’’ will take place after our deaths as the seeds of mercy we sowed while alive bear fruit in the lives of those we leave behind.

[Becky Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

It gave me a better understanding of helping people who are dying and how we face death and our own mortality. Never realized that the dying need us with them at their end to help them to transition to their heavenly life where they will be with all those who have gone before them into death. Those who have died are still an important part of our daily lives here on earth and are with us still.

[Caitlin Padanyi · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book provided such a lovely perspective on the value of the lives of people dying and those who care for them. I feel like there was a lot packed into this tiny book and I hope I get the opportunity to journey through it again.

[Rex · Rating 4 out of 5]

This little book has some lovely insights to which I will doubtless return, though the reverence for Philippe and Vanier casts an unfortunate shadow.

[Colleen Jantzen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a beautiful thoughtful book. Beautiful.

[George · Rating 2 out of 5]

This meditation by Henri Nouwen on dying and caring for those who are dying had interesting and helpful things to say about death and dying, but it suffers from its mid-20th century boomer, “God is love,” flower power liberalism.

Now are all of those descriptions bad? No, not necessarily. Those focuses make working on the horizontal plane of the Christian life very helpful. Nouwen has great things to say about loving those who are dying and befriending your own death because of it’s inevitability. I found that very compelling and helpful. Unfortunately, his theology lacks a resurrection, or a meaningful resurrection in my mind, that makes ultimately comforting someone who is dying or talking about death as a Christian meaningful.

He admits this in his conclusion as he says the resurrection doesn’t have much to do with dying and can distract from it. He seems to believe that talking about the resurrection will just lead to questions about the afterlife. Which is certainly the case in some instances, but the reason the resurrection is preached is to show that death isn’t the end. Nouwen kind of says this, he’s wishy-washy, and instead says that the resurrection proves that love lives after death. I get it, but the resurrection is how we can say to death “O death where is your sting? Grave, where is your victory?”

Nouwen has a great heart for people and I appreciate that his faith led him towards sacrificial care. It’s amazing, but lacking that spiritual foundation will leave it weak when actually talking about the metaphysical reality of death and how we can face death without fear.

[J.D. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Nouwen truly has a lovely way of putting what might seem the most average of moments in life into something that has eternal value and this is no exception. In this, he talks about dying and because he has died since this has been written, it is interesting to note what he puts in this. He talks of dying in a way that is a gift to others, and he has certainly fulfilled that and then some. Often times, it seems as if author's call people to things that they do not even fulfill and it is quite refreshing to read this with the knowledge that he has not only done this, but in a way I'm sure he couldn't have even imagined. This does tend to be a little monotonous at times, but usually because of the emphasis he puts on certain points. Overall, this is another amazing book by Nouwen has yet to disappoint.

[Deanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me to look outward to the person who is dying versus coping with my own deep loss and grief of losing a person close to me. I liked what he said about being present to people.
"Dying and death always call forth, with renewed power, the fear that we are unloved and will, finally, be reduced to useless ashes. To care is to stand by a dying person and to be a living reminder that the person is indeed the beloved child of God."
Further on he states "In our death, we need to be, more than ever, in communion with others. The passage of our life is the passage that, more than any other passage, needs to be made with others."
And finally:
"To care for the dying is to say, "Don't be afraid. Remember that you are the beloved child of God. He will be there when you make your long jump."

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had read this a number of years ago and liked it. After my youngest brother was diagnosed with a terminal illness I decided to reread it again. Henri's approach as to how we should view our own death and also how to support those we love who are dying is so simple and so full of love. Since all of us will die someday I would recommend it highly

[Ian Grantham · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've just finished reading 'Our Greatest Gift: A Meditation on Dying and Caring" by Henri Nouwen.

Henri Nouwen (1932 – 1996) was a Dutch Catholic priest, professor, writer and theologian. His interests were rooted primarily in psychology, pastoral ministry, spirituality, social justice and community. After nearly two decades of teaching at academic institutions including the University of Notre Dame, Yale Divinity School and Harvard Divinity School, Nouwen went on to work with individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities at the L'Arche Daybreak community in Richmond Hill, Ontario.

This book was written during a five week retreat he made to a friend's vacant apartment in Freiburg, Germany, at the beginning of which one of the L'Arche community in Ontario died, hence his choice of subject.

The title of the book sums it up pretty well. The book is divided into two parts - dying and caring for the dying, and is a meditation on each. Nouwen's writing gives these human universals purpose, meaning, and dignity, using an analogy with Jesus's own life, suffering and death, and referring repeatedly to our connectedness as sons and daughters of God.

The book is most definitely not about the process of dying, but a spiritual reflection on how dying well and caring for the dying can become a gift for the dying, their carers and the wider community.

Now that I am now myself what Nouwen calls an 'old man', that is over 60, I found the book helpful and a confirmation of how I had hoped to live the latter part of my life and what I had hoped to pass down to my children and friends spiritually.

[Sarah]

"How can we prepare ourselves for our death in such a way that our dying will be a new way for us to send our and God's spirit to those whom we have loved and who have loved us?"

"There is a blessing hidden in the poverty of dying. It is the blessing that makes us brothers and sisters in the same Kingdom. It is the blessing we receive from others who die. It is the blessing we give to others when our time to die has come. It is the blessing that comes from the God whose life is everlasting."

Quoting a sick friend who traveled to Lourdes: "When I came face-to-face with that human suffering, I no longer wanted a miracle. I no longer wanted to be the exception. I experienced a deep desire to be one of them, to belong to these wounded people. Instead of praying for a cure, I prayed that I would have the grace to bear my illness in solidarity with them."

"The real question before our death, then, is... How can I live so that I can continue to be fruitful when I am no longer here among my family and friends? That question shifts our attention from doing to being. Our doing brings success, but our being bears fruit."

"Through our caring presence, we keep announcing that sacred truth: dying is not a sweet, sentimental event; it is a great struggle to surrender our lives completely. This surrender is not an obvious human response. To the contrary: we want to cling to whatever is left. it is for this reason that dying people have so much anguish. As did Jesus, dying people too often experience their total powerlessness as rejection and abandonment."

[Robert Federline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Is death final? How do we relate to death in today's society? In an agrarian atmosphere, death is daily and visibly present. It presents itself as a logical and inevitable part of life. In our urban society, we are removed from death and it is kept sterile. We fail to meet death squarely and to understand its purpose.

This book is a close look at dying; examining it from its real and deeper meanings, and not merely as a physical event. It examines death and dying from a philosophical and spiritual perspective. It looks at it as a part of God's plan and shows how no death is without meaning. Every death is special, including the time of suffering leading up to it, and all may be seen as a gift to those we leave behind.

This was given me as a gift shortly after a brother died. When I was in about the middle of the book, a second brother died, and a few days later, a third brother died on the date I finished the book. This book did not make these deaths easy or pleasant, but it did help to make them more bearable.

We can never be reminded too often that God has a plan, and that His plans are for good, no matter how the circumstances may temporarily appear to be bad.

[Christen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love Nouwen's writing style. He always gently guides me to the thing I have been thinking about incorrectly and then shows me a better way to see it. That is very true of this book.

He helps us to understand first that dying itself is how we find unity with others. That in our unity of travel and end, we can see better how all of us are the same.

Then, too, in caring for the dying, we care for all of humanity and can help them to be in community with others. In this way, caring reveals part of its transcendent purpose.

Nouwen also makes the observation that we almost never know the fruit of our lives. It is often only revealed after we die. Also, he indicates that in our dying process, we help others to see and experience our unity with others. So often, our last few days, rather than the days of our greatest accomplishments, are the most important of our lives.

There is much to ponder in this slim book. I encourage you to give it a read and see what sticks out to you.

[Matthew V Armstrong · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is outstanding. I didn’t know what to think going into it, but I found Nouwen’s thoughts compelling and profound. I don’t think we talk or think enough about death, ours or other’s. And our lack of thought has made us superstitious and afraid. Chrisitians, at least, should be open to reflecting on death and what it means to die well. Nouwen helps us here.

One of the unexpected affects of the book is that his thoughts can also apply well to times of suffering. My favorite part of the book is where Nouwen describes how we, as followers of Jesus, can die (and I would say, suffer) for others. As we follow Jesus, we trust that he can work in and through our suffering to bless others. This has a profound affect on the way we experience suffering. It lifts us (me) out of navel-gazing and self-pity and gives our suffering and our death profound meaning and purpose. I highly recommend this book.

[Heath Whiley · Rating 1 out of 5]

Nice ... But Ultimately Hope-less

This book started out really well. Unfortunately, it just became a really difficult slog. I couldn’t wait to finish it but struggled to do so. Eventually I got there. My biggest problem was that it just didn’t seem to offer anything distinctively Christian or biblical. Biblical themes and passages were used out of context, radically reinterpreted, and sometimes just outright emptied of their truth and power. The resurrection itself barely filled up the last chapter, the Holy Spirit seemed unknown, and the cross seemed nothing more than a mere example of how we should approach death. There are far better books and authors who are far more helpful on this theme - especially if you are seeking to share the gospel hope with an unbeliever and / or pastoral care to those confronting death.

[Lee · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was short but dense, and full of wisdom for those seeking to be a better caregiver to those who are terminally ill as well as a gentle reminder of our own mortality. The focus is on how death is universal and connects us to all humanity - past, present and future - a universal "communion of saints" and is therefore not to be feared but to be embraced as part of life on earth. As I read this I was reminded of friends and loved ones who bravely faced death and made that journey in a way that continues to inspire me. I would recommend this book heartily to all pastoral caregivers and volunteers.

[Jamie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved Nouwen's Letter of Consolation, and was hoping that this little paperback would be as profound. It wasn't, and some of that was probably due to my high expectations. There were some helpful passages that are worth returning too. However, I seemed to catch myself often thinking that his wording was so vague that it wasn't helpful. Or, sometimes it was the opposite—it was too specific (for example, "the reason XYZ..." vs. "a reason XYZ..." When talking about things like why Jesus died, using such narrow language makes the event seem smaller than it ought to be, and, I thought, diminished the insightfulness of Nouwen's own words.

[Sheillagh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspiring and thoughtful book about how we as human beings deal with our inevitable deaths and how to prepare for it and live the best life we can while accepting the inevitable. Also, how to care for the dying who are often forgotten or shunned because people are uncomfortable with the dying or terminally ill. They need compassion and acknowledgement, to be thought of and valued as important members of a community. We are all going to pass away. Why not embrace that reality and not be afraid?
This is the kind of book you keep by your bedside and share with others.
It is a beautiful gift from Henri Nouwen.

[Meagan Harkins · Rating 4 out of 5]

Felt like some of Henri’s most natural work, flowing straight from the heart. I think he didn’t know that he knew he was dying, that his time was coming to an end & he so desired the Lord to squeeze every possible grace from his heart during this part of his journey in eternity.

To care as Mary did, to grasp our poverty & inevitable death that we might live more fully & authentically, that Jesus allowed Himself to be the object of others’ actions, & most challenging to me - that not only the death of Jesus but our deaths, too, are meant to bear fruit, that the spirit somehow flows from our departure

[Michele · Rating 5 out of 5]

I like to take my time with Nouwen’s work. Each chapter needs to be fully absorbed. This book focuses on caring and dying, and I was drawn to this after caring for my mother for five years and coping with her death this year. The best way to sum up this book is with the title of the epilogue: Death — A loss and a gift. I highly recommend this for — everyone really, as we all deal with death as some point in our lives.

[John Dobbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do you view death?

Henri Nouwen’s books are a gift to people of faith. This one is no different. Henri tenderly addresses the one truth we all have in common. We are going to die. When we have a perception of our death that it is a new beginning rooted in God’s promises, then we can care for the dying in a more genuine manner.

It’s a sensitive subject, but one we all must face.

[Hayden Garner · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Together, however, we can create a caring space that is good, not only for those who receive care, but also for those who give it. In this space, the boundaries between receiving and giving vanish, and true community can start to exist. It is essential to the weakest members of our community that those who care for them do so together. These members say to us, “For me to live, you must love not just me, but each other, too.””

[Rick Lee Lee James · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Needed Book

I have been a pastor for many many years, but this book made me think about death in a whole new way. It is a short book but I took a very long time to read it because there was so much to think about, and I will be re-reading it for years to come. What a beautiful new way to think about, and even embrace death.

[Sarah Serez · Rating 3 out of 5]

Typical Nouwen — short, practical, beautiful. Parts in the middle had me a little sketchy (this has happened before and I sometimes wonder if I take him too literally), the end was the best (ESPECIALLY chapter 6 and conclusion). Helpful for considering my feelings about my own death and how that impacts my relationships with dying people.

[Claireadsalot · Rating 2 out of 5]

I felt like the author repeated the same thing in slightly different ways, and that comprised most of the book. It was like he needed to make it a chapter book and not a pamphlet. The ideas themselves were alright, but universalism can be a scary topic. In general I didn’t like the theology of everything, and I want to know what Bible translation he used.

[Karina · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot think about a better to give to yourself and others. Read this book. If you are a caregiver or preparing to be one (specially if you are caring for your loved ones) read this book. If you are losing or have lost a loved one, read this book.