What do you think?
Rate this book
Lost and Found #1
The Night I Lost Him
Caden Conner had never planned on coming out of the box he’d placed himself in long ago, the one he’d carefully crafted to look like everyone around him wanted it to. He had determined to be what they all expected. He’d decorated it with hockey and parties and girlfriends. No one was ever supposed to find him there, but then Jamie came along and ripped him right out of it.
Jamie Bryant was an enigma. He did what he wanted, wore what he wanted, and never apologized for who he was. He had plenty of whispers swirling around him, side-eyes and some outright hatred, but he seemed to simply ignore most of it. Caden had been watching, though, and he’d always hated it when people picked on Jamie. One moment would change everything between them, but Caden still had one foot in that box, torn between being who he truly was and holding onto the reputation he’d worked for.
Caden wasn’t the only person who could see that Jamie was beautiful. Jamie had plenty of his own admirers, and one of them was more dangerous than anyone realized until it was too late. No one thought that he would take it as far as he did, but by the time they understood, Jamie was already missing.
Caden realized he’d lost everything that truly mattered in his life when he’d lost Jamie. The regret and guilt swirled with fear and pain. And he would do whatever it took to get him back.
Jamie Bryant was an enigma. He did what he wanted, wore what he wanted, and never apologized for who he was. He had plenty of whispers swirling around him, side-eyes and some outright hatred, but he seemed to simply ignore most of it. Caden had been watching, though, and he’d always hated it when people picked on Jamie. One moment would change everything between them, but Caden still had one foot in that box, torn between being who he truly was and holding onto the reputation he’d worked for.
Caden wasn’t the only person who could see that Jamie was beautiful. Jamie had plenty of his own admirers, and one of them was more dangerous than anyone realized until it was too late. No one thought that he would take it as far as he did, but by the time they understood, Jamie was already missing.
Caden realized he’d lost everything that truly mattered in his life when he’d lost Jamie. The regret and guilt swirled with fear and pain. And he would do whatever it took to get him back.
383 pages, Unknown Binding
First published March 26, 2024
307 people are currently reading
1171 people want to read
About the author
Calliope Rhys
2 books58 followersObsessed with coffee, cats, books, and broken boys getting their HEAs.
My boys might go through trouble, but I promise lots of sweet and spicy moments in between, and even if it's a tough road getting there, HEA guaranteed.
My boys might go through trouble, but I promise lots of sweet and spicy moments in between, and even if it's a tough road getting there, HEA guaranteed.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews
May 26, 2025
4.6 ⭐️
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5
Format: ebook
“I thought my life was over the night I lost him, and I kept it all in the back of my mind as a reminder to never take anything for granted. A reminder to live life to the fullest like he always had, to love hard, and never assume tomorrow was promised.”
This is a heavy, high-angst story, with a lot of triggering content. And so, so beautiful.
I’m going to be blunt right up front: this could have been a five star book, but the writing needs to be cleaned up. A lot. The story, the romance, the drama, the spice… it’s all so wonderful and evoke such high emotions, but I can see where readers could’ve been put off by the repetitiveness and drawn-out dialogue. And this is just a story I think is too good to lose an audience to, for something as simple as editing.
Jamie and Caden, what can I say? They broke my fucking heart. I adored everything about Jamie. He’s just a character that lives to the beat of his own drum and is unapologetic about it, and I loved everything about him. Caden was the stereotypical popular jock who was simply a sweet, sensitive guy, intrigued by Jamie who was so authentically himself. They were just so…cute. I don’t know another word to describe them, the way Caden loved Jamie was too sweet for words.
This story hurt my heart though, and I actually had to look up to see if there was a HEA around the 60% mark before I could continue because I knew if there wasn’t one, this book would actually ruin me. I had to double check around 90% because I was worried I got it wrong when everything was still a mess. It is a rough road, but there is an EVENTUAL happy ending and is definitely worth it. But the book still ruined me anyway.
There was a lot of cheesiness, and some parts that really didn’t make a lot of sense, again that maybe could have been patched up better in the editing process. The drama with Brad and Renee, the stuff surrounding Wally and the crime, even things like Caden playing hockey but literally never having practice or games or even working out. This was definitely written by someone who doesn’t know a lot about college campuses or the criminal justice system or hockey, but I still found the story overall enjoyable when I ignored that stuff.
I think this author has a talent for writing captivating stories with a whirlwind romance and dynamic characters, and I think she’ll continue to write some really great books, hopefully with a touch more editing. I can’t wait to read anything else we get.
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️/5
Format: ebook
“I thought my life was over the night I lost him, and I kept it all in the back of my mind as a reminder to never take anything for granted. A reminder to live life to the fullest like he always had, to love hard, and never assume tomorrow was promised.”
This is a heavy, high-angst story, with a lot of triggering content. And so, so beautiful.
I’m going to be blunt right up front: this could have been a five star book, but the writing needs to be cleaned up. A lot. The story, the romance, the drama, the spice… it’s all so wonderful and evoke such high emotions, but I can see where readers could’ve been put off by the repetitiveness and drawn-out dialogue. And this is just a story I think is too good to lose an audience to, for something as simple as editing.
Jamie and Caden, what can I say? They broke my fucking heart. I adored everything about Jamie. He’s just a character that lives to the beat of his own drum and is unapologetic about it, and I loved everything about him. Caden was the stereotypical popular jock who was simply a sweet, sensitive guy, intrigued by Jamie who was so authentically himself. They were just so…cute. I don’t know another word to describe them, the way Caden loved Jamie was too sweet for words.
This story hurt my heart though, and I actually had to look up to see if there was a HEA around the 60% mark before I could continue because I knew if there wasn’t one, this book would actually ruin me. I had to double check around 90% because I was worried I got it wrong when everything was still a mess. It is a rough road, but there is an EVENTUAL happy ending and is definitely worth it. But the book still ruined me anyway.
There was a lot of cheesiness, and some parts that really didn’t make a lot of sense, again that maybe could have been patched up better in the editing process. The drama with Brad and Renee, the stuff surrounding Wally and the crime, even things like Caden playing hockey but literally never having practice or games or even working out. This was definitely written by someone who doesn’t know a lot about college campuses or the criminal justice system or hockey, but I still found the story overall enjoyable when I ignored that stuff.
I think this author has a talent for writing captivating stories with a whirlwind romance and dynamic characters, and I think she’ll continue to write some really great books, hopefully with a touch more editing. I can’t wait to read anything else we get.
July 8, 2024
The Night I Lost Him is a high-angst opposites attract romance between hockey player Caden and quiet artistic Jamie. Their love story is epic and over six months they become everything for one another. They are soul mates who end up facing one of the darkest experiences a couple can and due to Caden's determination and loyalty saves Jamie from something he can never recover from.
Overall this is a fantastic story that kept me glued to the pages as I anxiously waited to see some resolution to Caden and Jamie's predicament that was nothing short of intense. I loved their story and seeing their natural progression from friends with shared a mutual spark grow into a beautiful love that was able to overcome anything. This is a beautiful story that I cannot recommend highly enough.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
Overall this is a fantastic story that kept me glued to the pages as I anxiously waited to see some resolution to Caden and Jamie's predicament that was nothing short of intense. I loved their story and seeing their natural progression from friends with shared a mutual spark grow into a beautiful love that was able to overcome anything. This is a beautiful story that I cannot recommend highly enough.
*** I reviewed a complimentary copy of this story.***
dnf
June 26, 2024Dnf @ 8%. I am BEGGING indie authors to get quality editors. PLEASE. Repetitive sentences/info, info dumping, lack of sentence length and structure, proper punctuation. Please for the love of everything.
This book had so much potential and I was really excited to read it. But the amount of repetitive sentences was obnoxious. The same thought/idea would be repeated at least three times in most paragraphs.
This really needed better editing.
This book had so much potential and I was really excited to read it. But the amount of repetitive sentences was obnoxious. The same thought/idea would be repeated at least three times in most paragraphs.
This really needed better editing.
March 24, 2025
Wstępnie wiedziałam, co w tej książce może się dziać, ale i tak mnie zaskoczyła - zdecydowanie pozytywnie 😊 Pomysł fajny, wykonanie dobre - nawet nie przeszkadzały mi retrospekcje, które naprzemiennie pojawiają się z rozdziałami dziejącymi się tu i teraz, a to dużo mówi, bo przecież nie cierpię retrospekcji 😜 (choć przyznaję, że najdalsza sięgała 8 miesięcy wstecz, zatem tragedii nie było). Największe zastrzeżenia, jakie mam, to że w retrospekcjach było za dużo seksu (wolałabym jednak więcej interakcji między MCs - innych niż seks oczywiście😉), zaś pod koniec tempo trochę spadło i nieco mi się dłużyło, co jest dziwne w sumie, bo jakby nie było, zbliżaliśmy się do rozwiązania całej zagadki z porwaniem jednego z MC.
Ale generalnie wykonanie pomysłu na 80%, zatem mocne 4 gwiazdki z mojej strony 😁
Ale generalnie wykonanie pomysłu na 80%, zatem mocne 4 gwiazdki z mojej strony 😁
July 18, 2024
Really enjoyed the concept but there was a lot of repetitive writing. The end was a bit dissatisfying after all the build up. Loved the friend group and their support throughout but a lot of the other side characters felt like caricatures and a bit ridiculous (Brad, Renee..). A fun read but not really what I was hoping it would be.
January 14, 2025
3.5 stars.
First the positives: I enjoyed the story, both the MCs (although it took a while for me to warm up to Caden) and their friend group. I thought Caden & Jamie's love story was very sweet and I loved the way it developed. The past scenes were more enjoyable for me to read. Until the gang started looking for Jamie the present chapters were lacking for me. A few moments that I really loved were their first time at the planetarium, the kayak date, the oil spill, and the epilogue. The spice was pretty decent as well.
The twist towards the end was so so for me. I understood what the author was trying to do but I had to suspend belief quite a bit to get there. I will say there was another way I saw it going and I was relieved it did not go the way I thought. I would have been very annoyed.
Now the negatives: This book suffered from the author not editing herself enough. The beginning was quite tough to get through because of the repetitiveness and all the telling rather than showing. I am glad I stuck it out through the first few chapters because those issues did get better to a certain extent. I still feel that throughout the entire book a lot should have been left out. I don't mind suspending belief when I read but it got to a point where I was having to do that too much.
Overall this book kept my attention well enough. I wanted to see Jamie & Caden's relationship develop and I wanted to know what happened to Jamie. If I were rating just on story it would have been higher. I had to deduct some for the writing and overtelling of things.
First the positives: I enjoyed the story, both the MCs (although it took a while for me to warm up to Caden) and their friend group. I thought Caden & Jamie's love story was very sweet and I loved the way it developed. The past scenes were more enjoyable for me to read. Until the gang started looking for Jamie the present chapters were lacking for me. A few moments that I really loved were their first time at the planetarium, the kayak date, the oil spill, and the epilogue. The spice was pretty decent as well.
The twist towards the end was so so for me. I understood what the author was trying to do but I had to suspend belief quite a bit to get there. I will say there was another way I saw it going and I was relieved it did not go the way I thought. I would have been very annoyed.
Now the negatives: This book suffered from the author not editing herself enough. The beginning was quite tough to get through because of the repetitiveness and all the telling rather than showing. I am glad I stuck it out through the first few chapters because those issues did get better to a certain extent. I still feel that throughout the entire book a lot should have been left out. I don't mind suspending belief when I read but it got to a point where I was having to do that too much.
Overall this book kept my attention well enough. I wanted to see Jamie & Caden's relationship develop and I wanted to know what happened to Jamie. If I were rating just on story it would have been higher. I had to deduct some for the writing and overtelling of things.
February 24, 2025
• Emotional
• Missing MMC
• Dual Timeline
• Hockey Romance
• MM romance
• Man obsessed
• Single POV
• Debut Novel
Days later and I still can't stop thinking about this book! It was everything.
I was given the opportunity to read Calliope's second book early. But something told me that I needed to start from her first book and meet Jamie and Caden! And I'm SOOOOO glad I did.
This book was incredible. And far more than I was expecting. Not only is it full of the most adorable characters, but the emotional plot will make you unable to put this book down! The two of these characters went through unbearable trauma, but the sweet tender love between these two never went unnoticed and only added to the sweet factor of this book mixed in with much heavier topics. It also helps that this book is told in a dual timeline which follows the beginning of their relationship and then the heartache Caden goes through when Jamie goes missing. It was wonderfully written this way. It was also told in a single POV and quickly into the book you realize why!! It couldn't have been any other way! And being inside Caden's head the whole book was amazing! This man LOVED hard!!!! And his feelings for Jamie were so beautiful.
I couldn't get over the fact that Caden never gave up on Jamie. And I couldn't have been more happy with the way this book ended. I can't wait to read the next book! 😍
This book was beautiful!
• Missing MMC
• Dual Timeline
• Hockey Romance
• MM romance
• Man obsessed
• Single POV
• Debut Novel
Days later and I still can't stop thinking about this book! It was everything.
I was given the opportunity to read Calliope's second book early. But something told me that I needed to start from her first book and meet Jamie and Caden! And I'm SOOOOO glad I did.
This book was incredible. And far more than I was expecting. Not only is it full of the most adorable characters, but the emotional plot will make you unable to put this book down! The two of these characters went through unbearable trauma, but the sweet tender love between these two never went unnoticed and only added to the sweet factor of this book mixed in with much heavier topics. It also helps that this book is told in a dual timeline which follows the beginning of their relationship and then the heartache Caden goes through when Jamie goes missing. It was wonderfully written this way. It was also told in a single POV and quickly into the book you realize why!! It couldn't have been any other way! And being inside Caden's head the whole book was amazing! This man LOVED hard!!!! And his feelings for Jamie were so beautiful.
I couldn't get over the fact that Caden never gave up on Jamie. And I couldn't have been more happy with the way this book ended. I can't wait to read the next book! 😍
This book was beautiful!
April 2, 2024
This is the debut novel of Calliope Rhys and it was such a wonderful read. I was surprised this was her first book as it was such an emotional and beautiful story.
Caden is the star of the ice hockey team at his university. He is closeted and isn't planning on coming out, but then he meets Jamie and the attraction between them is immediate. Caden finds himself not being able to stay away from Jamie, they start a relationship and then Jamie disappears leaving Caden heartbroken and determined to find out what happened to his boyfriend.
Like I said, this was such an emotional read. The book alternates chapters in the present and in the past. That way the author manages to tell the reader how Caden and Jamie met and how their beautiful and touching love story developed, and showing at the same time how things progresses in the present about the disappearance of Jamie.
Caden and Jamie were adorable together. They belonged to each other, two halves of a whole. I loved how they got to know each other and their love grew to become something amazing and heartwarming. Jamie was very understanding about Caden taking his time to come out, but it was obvious that his love for Jamie made Caden question his choices and how he wanted to live his life.
This book was beautiful to read, but it was also hard not knowing what had happened to Jamie. I could feel Caden's suffering and it made my heart hurt. But I enjoyed it so much, it was very well written and the emotions and feelings so brilliantly depicted. It is an amazing novel and I can't wait to read whatever this author brings next.
Caden is the star of the ice hockey team at his university. He is closeted and isn't planning on coming out, but then he meets Jamie and the attraction between them is immediate. Caden finds himself not being able to stay away from Jamie, they start a relationship and then Jamie disappears leaving Caden heartbroken and determined to find out what happened to his boyfriend.
Like I said, this was such an emotional read. The book alternates chapters in the present and in the past. That way the author manages to tell the reader how Caden and Jamie met and how their beautiful and touching love story developed, and showing at the same time how things progresses in the present about the disappearance of Jamie.
Caden and Jamie were adorable together. They belonged to each other, two halves of a whole. I loved how they got to know each other and their love grew to become something amazing and heartwarming. Jamie was very understanding about Caden taking his time to come out, but it was obvious that his love for Jamie made Caden question his choices and how he wanted to live his life.
This book was beautiful to read, but it was also hard not knowing what had happened to Jamie. I could feel Caden's suffering and it made my heart hurt. But I enjoyed it so much, it was very well written and the emotions and feelings so brilliantly depicted. It is an amazing novel and I can't wait to read whatever this author brings next.
April 16, 2024
4.5⭐️
I was blown away by The Night I Lost Him by Calliope Rhys and it is the book so far in 2024 that has stood out for me the most for the originality of its plot. I'd never read this story before, at least not in the MM romance genre. I won’t cover anything about the plot in my review, so make sure to read the blurb if you want to know more.
The story is told in its entirety in Caden's POV. My preference is usually dual POVs, but here, for the sake of the story, it was the best choice to go with single POV. It made the most sense. One thing that worried me was that the story was told on two different timelines. One in the past and one in the present, alternating for each chapter. What were the chances that both timelines would be equally interesting? Well, Rhys has risen to the challenge brilliantly. I was riveted to my kindle from beginning to end, obsessing over every aspect of this fascinating and highly emotional tale. Caden and Jamie's love story is one filled with passion, love but also pain and angst. So much angst! And also some great steam!
It was a journey like no other and that's what I thoroughly enjoyed about this novel. The tension and the crescendo until we reached the climax was nerve-wracking and at the same time it was so well executed. I had to take away half a star as some details of the conclusion weren't quite as satisfying for me. That said, it had no impact on my enjoyment of the book.
It's not a dark read, but it definitely has dark elements. If you have triggers, you might want to take a look at the trigger warnings. Otherwise, my recommendation is to go in completely blind.
I'm really impressed with Calliope Rhys. And did I mention that this is her debut? 🤯 I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for what she writes next!
I was blown away by The Night I Lost Him by Calliope Rhys and it is the book so far in 2024 that has stood out for me the most for the originality of its plot. I'd never read this story before, at least not in the MM romance genre. I won’t cover anything about the plot in my review, so make sure to read the blurb if you want to know more.
The story is told in its entirety in Caden's POV. My preference is usually dual POVs, but here, for the sake of the story, it was the best choice to go with single POV. It made the most sense. One thing that worried me was that the story was told on two different timelines. One in the past and one in the present, alternating for each chapter. What were the chances that both timelines would be equally interesting? Well, Rhys has risen to the challenge brilliantly. I was riveted to my kindle from beginning to end, obsessing over every aspect of this fascinating and highly emotional tale. Caden and Jamie's love story is one filled with passion, love but also pain and angst. So much angst! And also some great steam!
It was a journey like no other and that's what I thoroughly enjoyed about this novel. The tension and the crescendo until we reached the climax was nerve-wracking and at the same time it was so well executed. I had to take away half a star as some details of the conclusion weren't quite as satisfying for me. That said, it had no impact on my enjoyment of the book.
It's not a dark read, but it definitely has dark elements. If you have triggers, you might want to take a look at the trigger warnings. Otherwise, my recommendation is to go in completely blind.
I'm really impressed with Calliope Rhys. And did I mention that this is her debut? 🤯 I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for what she writes next!
July 2, 2024
book could’ve ended in the first few chapters
I will say this is better written than many mm books out there but it was such a frustrating read.
This writer has a BAD case of tell not show. Some books can get away with it if they weave something interesting in whether it be a character’s personality or unique storytelling to stand out from the masses of books on everyone’s bookshelves. Not in this case. In the first few chapters we’re told everything we need to know about the main characters, their relationship, it’s tragic ending and pretty much guess the subsequent hopeful turn around. You’ll know everything you need to know by about page 35. Even with all that the frustrations I had, I do think this author has potential. I’ll look out in the future for their next works.
I do implore the author, however, to read well written (or popularly received) books in the next genre they write and find something to take from them.
Other authors have written good suspenseful romances and this one has the bare bones of one who can do the same.
I will say this is better written than many mm books out there but it was such a frustrating read.
This writer has a BAD case of tell not show. Some books can get away with it if they weave something interesting in whether it be a character’s personality or unique storytelling to stand out from the masses of books on everyone’s bookshelves. Not in this case. In the first few chapters we’re told everything we need to know about the main characters, their relationship, it’s tragic ending and pretty much guess the subsequent hopeful turn around. You’ll know everything you need to know by about page 35. Even with all that the frustrations I had, I do think this author has potential. I’ll look out in the future for their next works.
I do implore the author, however, to read well written (or popularly received) books in the next genre they write and find something to take from them.
Other authors have written good suspenseful romances and this one has the bare bones of one who can do the same.
February 25, 2024
I have not read this type of story before and it is told is such a unique way that I was on the edge of my seat the entire time! I didn’t want to put it down and I read well into the night! When I forced myself to go to sleep I woke up early and immediately thought of this book and debated if I should sleep longer or just get up and read (sleep won out lol but it was close!)
Throughout the book we feel Caden’s urgency and heartbreak to find Jamie and get him back and his desperation for his friends to believe him when the police had given up hope, then in the next chapter we see Caden and Jamie as they are learning to trust one another and falling in love. Meanwhile the two timelines continue to merge and the reader already knows what’s ultimately going to happen but is resigned to watching Jamie’s fate and Caden’s anguish play out on page.
The chemistry between these two is off the charts! Holy smokes! I appreciated that Calliope included little details that most other authors would overlook during their intimate scenes which made it less fantastical and more believable.
This is such a phenomenal read and I am so glad I was given the opportunity to ARC read this!
I received an advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.
Throughout the book we feel Caden’s urgency and heartbreak to find Jamie and get him back and his desperation for his friends to believe him when the police had given up hope, then in the next chapter we see Caden and Jamie as they are learning to trust one another and falling in love. Meanwhile the two timelines continue to merge and the reader already knows what’s ultimately going to happen but is resigned to watching Jamie’s fate and Caden’s anguish play out on page.
The chemistry between these two is off the charts! Holy smokes! I appreciated that Calliope included little details that most other authors would overlook during their intimate scenes which made it less fantastical and more believable.
This is such a phenomenal read and I am so glad I was given the opportunity to ARC read this!
I received an advanced copy in exchange for my honest review.
June 15, 2024
Amazing Debut!
I love when I read a book by a new me to author and end up loving the story. Caden & Jamie’s story kept me on the edge of my seat! So many ups and downs. Enjoyed the spicy highs and the suspense aspects to the book. Will definitely be reading more from Calliope in the future!
I love when I read a book by a new me to author and end up loving the story. Caden & Jamie’s story kept me on the edge of my seat! So many ups and downs. Enjoyed the spicy highs and the suspense aspects to the book. Will definitely be reading more from Calliope in the future!
October 31, 2024
Oh boy, was I invested! Loved the story 👌🏻👌🏻
-1 star for a bit repetitive writing, though, and mayyybe I'd like more showing than telling.
Anyway, I enjoyed Caden and Jamie's story nevertheless!
-1 star for a bit repetitive writing, though, and mayyybe I'd like more showing than telling.
Anyway, I enjoyed Caden and Jamie's story nevertheless!
April 9, 2024
Excellent Debut Novel
Would you be strong enough to join a search party for the body of your murdered boyfriend? Would you give up all hope when the perpetrator is arrested, confesses but refuses to admit what he did with the body?
Well, meet Caden, Star Player on his Florida College Hockey Team, liked by everyone but is deeply closeted due to a very traumatic, life threatening experience as a young teenager, an incident that his parents and friends knew nothing about.
Caden first saw Jamie crossing the campus, one couldn’t help but notice him, he was very good looking for starters, and when he often turns up wearing a skirt, Pearl chokers and make up, he just couldn’t take his eyes off him. So brave and unapologetic about who he is. Later when a hockey team member confronts Jamie and is bullying him, ripping his Pearl choker from his neck, Caden sees what is happening and steps up to the bully who scuttles off with his sidekick.
That’s how Caden became friends with Jamie, a Marine Biology student who works as a Pole Dancer/Lap Dancer in Club Adonis, a local gay club, to help pay his way through college. He’s had a horrific childhood, constantly switched between foster homes all his life until his mid teens when he is adopted by a loving family, a mother and daughter.
Jamie’s early life struggles has made him strong enough to live as his true self, while Caden is still hiding behind girlfriends and tough guy hockey player, still they become good friends and not much later, lovers, secret closeted lovers, until Caden is ready. He eventually comes out to his parents and is overwhelmed with their immediate acceptance.
When Jamie is being constantly stalked by a man who frequents Club Adonis, Caden and his friends try to protect him, but one night after working at the Club while Caden was playing in a Hockey Match, Jamie disappears. Sometime later, Wally Givens, the stalker, owns up to his mother what he has done to Jamie, but won’t say where he left the body. Memorial services have been held by Jamie’s family and by the College.
At this stage Caden is still trying to remain closeted apart from his closest three friends and his parents. But suspicions are aroused amongst the team and other students. After a month without closure, Caden is falling apart. He and three of his friends, plus a friend of Jamie’s decide to look for answers themselves as the police seem to have stopped investigating. They become detectives searching for truth during their Spring Break from College.
***************
The story is told from Caden’s POV over a period of 6 months, with an Epilogue at the end. It is I believe a debut novel by author Calliope Rhys, and what a brilliant first book it is. Well written with enough character development to make you feel that you really knew these guys. Plus plenty of details about the research and investigative efforts of these young inexperienced college students.
A very different and unexpected storyline from any MM romance I’ve read so far. It drew me in to such a degree that I couldn’t put it down, even though it was tortuous at times, reading of Jamie’s early life and what happened to Caden when he was twelve years old. I loved it even though my emotions were up and down like a fiddlers elbow.
Grab yourself a copy and enjoy this very engaging story.
Would you be strong enough to join a search party for the body of your murdered boyfriend? Would you give up all hope when the perpetrator is arrested, confesses but refuses to admit what he did with the body?
Well, meet Caden, Star Player on his Florida College Hockey Team, liked by everyone but is deeply closeted due to a very traumatic, life threatening experience as a young teenager, an incident that his parents and friends knew nothing about.
Caden first saw Jamie crossing the campus, one couldn’t help but notice him, he was very good looking for starters, and when he often turns up wearing a skirt, Pearl chokers and make up, he just couldn’t take his eyes off him. So brave and unapologetic about who he is. Later when a hockey team member confronts Jamie and is bullying him, ripping his Pearl choker from his neck, Caden sees what is happening and steps up to the bully who scuttles off with his sidekick.
That’s how Caden became friends with Jamie, a Marine Biology student who works as a Pole Dancer/Lap Dancer in Club Adonis, a local gay club, to help pay his way through college. He’s had a horrific childhood, constantly switched between foster homes all his life until his mid teens when he is adopted by a loving family, a mother and daughter.
Jamie’s early life struggles has made him strong enough to live as his true self, while Caden is still hiding behind girlfriends and tough guy hockey player, still they become good friends and not much later, lovers, secret closeted lovers, until Caden is ready. He eventually comes out to his parents and is overwhelmed with their immediate acceptance.
When Jamie is being constantly stalked by a man who frequents Club Adonis, Caden and his friends try to protect him, but one night after working at the Club while Caden was playing in a Hockey Match, Jamie disappears. Sometime later, Wally Givens, the stalker, owns up to his mother what he has done to Jamie, but won’t say where he left the body. Memorial services have been held by Jamie’s family and by the College.
At this stage Caden is still trying to remain closeted apart from his closest three friends and his parents. But suspicions are aroused amongst the team and other students. After a month without closure, Caden is falling apart. He and three of his friends, plus a friend of Jamie’s decide to look for answers themselves as the police seem to have stopped investigating. They become detectives searching for truth during their Spring Break from College.
***************
The story is told from Caden’s POV over a period of 6 months, with an Epilogue at the end. It is I believe a debut novel by author Calliope Rhys, and what a brilliant first book it is. Well written with enough character development to make you feel that you really knew these guys. Plus plenty of details about the research and investigative efforts of these young inexperienced college students.
A very different and unexpected storyline from any MM romance I’ve read so far. It drew me in to such a degree that I couldn’t put it down, even though it was tortuous at times, reading of Jamie’s early life and what happened to Caden when he was twelve years old. I loved it even though my emotions were up and down like a fiddlers elbow.
Grab yourself a copy and enjoy this very engaging story.
March 12, 2024
The Night I Lost Him by Calliope Rhys
Caden has always tried to be what he thought people wanted him to be. He had it in his mind that he needed to hide his feelings on the inside and be what others wanted him to be on the outside. So he would continue to hide behind hockey, frat parties, and several girlfriends. That is until Jamie, Caden had seen Jamie around campus they even had a couple of classes together. Caden was in total awe of Jamie, the way he carried himself, the way he didn’t let the way people looked at him, or talked about him bother him. Caden has nothing but admiration and respect for Jamie. He also thought he was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen and it stirred up feelings inside Cadent that he long tried to bury.
One day though Caden and a couple of his teammates were walking to practice, Jamie just so happened to be in that same hallway, when one of Caden’s team mates decided to take it upon himself to be downright rude to Jamie ending in a broken necklace. Caden couldn’t stand the look on Jamie’s face. So to make up for not sticking up for Jamie against his teammate, Caden grabs one of his friends and goes out in search for a replacement. The next day he tracks Jamie down on the quad and asks him to coffee to give him the replacement. Their love story just goes on a crazy twisty windy ride from there.
Without giving too much away there is a strip club, motorcycle, funeral, court case, kidnapping, a stalker [not Caden].
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
This is my first read from this author, and I am so very grateful and honored to have been able to read it. This story is one pov, but in first person. There are time jumps, back and forth, but hear me out and stick around, trust the process I promise you that it’s worth it. I adored getting to experience this love story grow and change.
Caden has always tried to be what he thought people wanted him to be. He had it in his mind that he needed to hide his feelings on the inside and be what others wanted him to be on the outside. So he would continue to hide behind hockey, frat parties, and several girlfriends. That is until Jamie, Caden had seen Jamie around campus they even had a couple of classes together. Caden was in total awe of Jamie, the way he carried himself, the way he didn’t let the way people looked at him, or talked about him bother him. Caden has nothing but admiration and respect for Jamie. He also thought he was the most beautiful person he’d ever seen and it stirred up feelings inside Cadent that he long tried to bury.
One day though Caden and a couple of his teammates were walking to practice, Jamie just so happened to be in that same hallway, when one of Caden’s team mates decided to take it upon himself to be downright rude to Jamie ending in a broken necklace. Caden couldn’t stand the look on Jamie’s face. So to make up for not sticking up for Jamie against his teammate, Caden grabs one of his friends and goes out in search for a replacement. The next day he tracks Jamie down on the quad and asks him to coffee to give him the replacement. Their love story just goes on a crazy twisty windy ride from there.
Without giving too much away there is a strip club, motorcycle, funeral, court case, kidnapping, a stalker [not Caden].
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Spice: 🌶️🌶️🌶️🌶️
This is my first read from this author, and I am so very grateful and honored to have been able to read it. This story is one pov, but in first person. There are time jumps, back and forth, but hear me out and stick around, trust the process I promise you that it’s worth it. I adored getting to experience this love story grow and change.
June 9, 2024
“It’s ok. I have a new one now that lets me know that maybe other people can give a shit about me, too.”
Caden has jammed his true self into a box, and closed it up, finished it off with a pretty bow on the outside. But on the inside he’s terrified of that bow coming loose and letting everyone see who he really is, That is until Jamie comes along.
This book pleasantly surprised me! It’s a single first person POV through Cadens character, and chapters alternate between before Jamie’s disappearance and after.
the character growth of Caden throughout this story was perfect, going from hiding from himself to being able to find and accept himself.
I found myself not wanting to put the book down, needing to know the answers to my questions!
Jamie is so unapologetically himself that it’s hard to not admire him and want to protect him. Both boys having been through trauma that has shaped them into who they are, they are just literally perfect for each other.
This book has everything, spice, cute moments, mystery, and some of the best characters. I throughly enjoyed it!
Caden has jammed his true self into a box, and closed it up, finished it off with a pretty bow on the outside. But on the inside he’s terrified of that bow coming loose and letting everyone see who he really is, That is until Jamie comes along.
This book pleasantly surprised me! It’s a single first person POV through Cadens character, and chapters alternate between before Jamie’s disappearance and after.
the character growth of Caden throughout this story was perfect, going from hiding from himself to being able to find and accept himself.
I found myself not wanting to put the book down, needing to know the answers to my questions!
Jamie is so unapologetically himself that it’s hard to not admire him and want to protect him. Both boys having been through trauma that has shaped them into who they are, they are just literally perfect for each other.
This book has everything, spice, cute moments, mystery, and some of the best characters. I throughly enjoyed it!
dropped
August 14, 202425% - putting it on-hold
This is so sad and depressing 😭😭😭 But I just can’t right now. (good storytelling, tho the book needs editing)
Hope I can return to it soon, ‘cause I want to see it all being good in the end. (at least I hope for a good ending)
This is so sad and depressing 😭😭😭 But I just can’t right now. (good storytelling, tho the book needs editing)
Hope I can return to it soon, ‘cause I want to see it all being good in the end. (at least I hope for a good ending)
September 29, 2024
Holy fricken smokes what a good read
This damn book guys!! Holy smokes!! I could not put it down!!! Calliope Rhys Bravo 👏
10 out of 10 ya’ll - 10 out of 10…
This book keeps you in the edge of your seat the whole damn time!! The love these two have for each other is palpable…swoon worthy and just plain hot *fans self*.
Calliope alternates between before and after - there is no confusion in the chapters switching at all - I did feel a sense of dread reading the before chapters because I was falling in love with these two boys falling in love. But I also knew what was happening in the after . Before is Caden and Jamie falling in love, their se*y (hot AF) times and the lead up to Jamie’s disappearance.
After is after Jamie goes missing…
I don’t want to give much away but everyone needs someone in their life that will not give up even if it seems like there is no hope. And everyone needs friends like these two boys friends. These two boys are beautiful and help each other is so many ways.
This is a must read and one I will not forget for a long time. I smiled, I swooned and I cried. But it was alll very much worth the adventure.
You have
🐻found family
🏑hockey romance
🐻sexual awakening
🏑new love
🐻(hot) first times
🏑mystery
Please check trigger warnings ❤️
This damn book guys!! Holy smokes!! I could not put it down!!! Calliope Rhys Bravo 👏
10 out of 10 ya’ll - 10 out of 10…
This book keeps you in the edge of your seat the whole damn time!! The love these two have for each other is palpable…swoon worthy and just plain hot *fans self*.
Calliope alternates between before and after - there is no confusion in the chapters switching at all - I did feel a sense of dread reading the before chapters because I was falling in love with these two boys falling in love. But I also knew what was happening in the after . Before is Caden and Jamie falling in love, their se*y (hot AF) times and the lead up to Jamie’s disappearance.
After is after Jamie goes missing…
I don’t want to give much away but everyone needs someone in their life that will not give up even if it seems like there is no hope. And everyone needs friends like these two boys friends. These two boys are beautiful and help each other is so many ways.
This is a must read and one I will not forget for a long time. I smiled, I swooned and I cried. But it was alll very much worth the adventure.
You have
🐻found family
🏑hockey romance
🐻sexual awakening
🏑new love
🐻(hot) first times
🏑mystery
Please check trigger warnings ❤️
June 11, 2025
"I thought my life was over the night I lost him, and I kept it all in the back of my mind as a reminder to never take anything for granted. A reminder to live life to the fullest like he always had, to love hard, and never assume tomorrow was promised. It reminded me to never give up, just like neither of us had given up back then, determined to get back to each other. Everything had brought us to where we were. I would never give up on him because I loved him. And I always would."
I loved this book, I couldn't put it down.
It was heartbreaking but also Beautiful to see how deep the releationship between Jamie and Caden got.
I loved this book, I couldn't put it down.
It was heartbreaking but also Beautiful to see how deep the releationship between Jamie and Caden got.
July 16, 2024
This book. I don't know how I will get over this book.
I have a love/hate relationship with books that skip around in time. Each chapter would bring up either up or down. It kept me on the edge of my seat, that's for sure.
I have a love/hate relationship with books that skip around in time. Each chapter would bring up either up or down. It kept me on the edge of my seat, that's for sure.
Read
August 19, 2024DNF. Super repetitive. Scanned through the chapters to see when things would change/pick up and it wasn’t until basically the end. This could very much be a me problem and an issue with my expectations lol. A bunch of friends loved this book, so I’d still suggest giving it a try!
Read
November 18, 2024Bit heavy for me so I decided not to finish 😔
June 12, 2025
I was hooked from the beginning
I adore Caden and Jamie so much 🫠
I adore Caden and Jamie so much 🫠
April 3, 2025
Wowzers bowzers
August 16, 2024
DNF
I can’t. I believe the reviews that say this story is good. Kind of. It could be. But the writing. The repetitiveness of it, the awkward wording. I just don’t want to to this to myself.
I can’t. I believe the reviews that say this story is good. Kind of. It could be. But the writing. The repetitiveness of it, the awkward wording. I just don’t want to to this to myself.
July 7, 2024
3.75⭐️
2.5🌶️
Okay. I have some thoughts. **potential spoiling**
Was this the most well written book? No.
Could this book use some (a lot) of editing? Yes.
Could Caden be a little less “me me me”? Absolutely.
BUT I stuck with it. Caden and Jamie’s story was intriguing, and even with the issues I stated above, it wasn’t ever boring and I had to know how it ended. And while the ending wasn’t shocking, and was what I thought it would be, the author did keep me guessing at times. This story had a lot of potential, but at times it did feel like to much was going on, when some aspects would have benefited more from a bit more fleshing out. Example: more relationship building and less interactions with homophobic assholes. Also…I’m still trying to figure out why Renee was even a thing. But I digress.
One thing I do have to praise is how well the alternating timeline was, at least to me. We got to experience the building of a relationship (see above) and these two boys fall for each other, all while simultaneously trying to figure out what the hell was happening in present day.
Overall, I loved the friend group. I loved Jamie and Caden together. It was a hard fought for HEA, emotional and angsty, and as far as suspense goes, it didn’t disappoint. Though I do wish we got MORE in those last few chapters. The potential you guys, the potential.
Anyways, I’m definitely going to keep my eye out for future books by this author. ♥️
2.5🌶️
Okay. I have some thoughts. **potential spoiling**
Was this the most well written book? No.
Could this book use some (a lot) of editing? Yes.
Could Caden be a little less “me me me”? Absolutely.
BUT I stuck with it. Caden and Jamie’s story was intriguing, and even with the issues I stated above, it wasn’t ever boring and I had to know how it ended. And while the ending wasn’t shocking, and was what I thought it would be, the author did keep me guessing at times. This story had a lot of potential, but at times it did feel like to much was going on, when some aspects would have benefited more from a bit more fleshing out. Example: more relationship building and less interactions with homophobic assholes. Also…I’m still trying to figure out why Renee was even a thing. But I digress.
One thing I do have to praise is how well the alternating timeline was, at least to me. We got to experience the building of a relationship (see above) and these two boys fall for each other, all while simultaneously trying to figure out what the hell was happening in present day.
Overall, I loved the friend group. I loved Jamie and Caden together. It was a hard fought for HEA, emotional and angsty, and as far as suspense goes, it didn’t disappoint. Though I do wish we got MORE in those last few chapters. The potential you guys, the potential.
Anyways, I’m definitely going to keep my eye out for future books by this author. ♥️
April 12, 2024
If I had to use one word it would be : underwhelming
Honestly they were cute and I liked the group they had but I had a bit of an issue with the way things were written.
3 things I disliked (spoilers so do not read) :
- the way the flashbacks of their relationship was most of the time them having s*x. Don’t get me wrong I love smut. I loved the scenes in the book but I wished we would have more information about their relationship
- The reunion : I found it weird, I expected more depth. Just more.
- The scene at the playoffs where he confess his love in front of the whole public : I had second-hand embarrassment and I do not like second-hand embarrassment.
To conclude : cute but lacked depth
Honestly they were cute and I liked the group they had but I had a bit of an issue with the way things were written.
3 things I disliked (spoilers so do not read) :
- the way the flashbacks of their relationship was most of the time them having s*x. Don’t get me wrong I love smut. I loved the scenes in the book but I wished we would have more information about their relationship
- The reunion : I found it weird, I expected more depth. Just more.
- The scene at the playoffs where he confess his love in front of the whole public : I had second-hand embarrassment and I do not like second-hand embarrassment.
To conclude : cute but lacked depth
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 5, 2024
(Book) Potential: 3+ to possibly even 4 stars
The character Jamie: 4+++ stars - so good!
(Book) Reality: 2 stars and a basically po'd reader.
Damn, this book frustrated the hell out of me. For about the first 1/3 or so I thought I was reading a book that, despite some overall writing style issues, was going to be a keeper, but then everything went south and dragged the whole book with it.
First, the good parts, which are the ones that made me think I was on to something special here. I give HUGE kudos to this author for creating the character that is Jamie. I worked for a long time at a local community college in a small conservative town and I was fortunate enough to have a Jamie on campus and for that person to allow me to get to know them really well, including all the s&*^ they had to go through. "My" Jamie taught me a whole lot about my own (LGBTQA++) community that I really never knew, or only thought I did, but in truth I never really "got it" until I heard it in their words. The character of Jamie in this book is somewhat slight in substance (especially compared to "my" Jamie), but the depiction is still an above-average take on folks like Jamie. I also LOVE MC's who are femme in so many ways and yet end up being the strongest partner by far in any pairing. A male-presenting individual in a skirt and eyeliner can be the world's biggest a**kicker, particularly regarding confronting hard realities and being human. There's a lot of truth to the character of Jamie that this author has created, particularly his strength both mentally and physically.
I also loved the way Caden and Jamie first interacted and just how vulnerable Caden allowed himself to be as he figured out what his sexual truth was and started to own it. Between these early chapters and those detailing Caden's anguish when Jamie is missing and presumed dead, this book hit extremely hard emotionally. If the rest of the book could have continued to honor the early plot flow, I think it would have been amazing. Unfortunately, I feel that the hard, sometimes painful, but all-very-human path of how these two connect(ed) went awry before the 1/2 way point.
Some of the issues I had were related to writing/writing style, and were evident throughout the book. Those weren't the real offenders, but they were annoying. First of all, the book is simply too damned long. (This is hardly ever an issue for me, because if a book is good, the last thing I want is for it to be a measly 200 or so pages. ) This was obvious early on because there is a lot of repetition in what Caden thinks about various events and scenarios. The book could use a culling by a good editor to take out unnecessarily redundant chunks of "what Caden is thinking." There is a specific part towards the end where Caden is ruminating on social media commentary and the author gives an uncomfortable amount of examples of what "vicious/negative" comments read like and an even longer litany of examples of positive comments. I kept thinking "OK, OK, I get it already, we're at a pivotal part of the story, let's move it along please."
I was also a non-fan of the whole Caden's POV of the story. For some reason (and I can't quite put my finger on it), I felt like we (the reader) never get to really know Jamie or experience any of his emotions at a realistic (if not visceral) level (which we DO get with Caden.) I think part of it might be that the author uses Jamie's actual name sparingly and resorts an inordinate amount of times to referring to Jamie as just "he" - as in "he did this, he said that, his eyes fluttered closed, he jumped" - you name it, "he" did it. After a time it felt like Caden's observations (where all this "he did such-and-such" was going on) were downright clinical/observational. I tried imagining a sentence here and there where I substituted "Jamie" for "he" and I was amazed at how it seemed to bring more truth depth to how I felt about the character.
This book was also way OTT in the volume of sex scenes department. Honestly, TMI about how flexible Jamie is. I was beginning to feel like the whole relationship was more about sex than anything else for Caden. Lord knows he and Jamie never talked half as much of the time as they spent having some kind of sex. Sometimes it felt like the author presented Jamie more like a concubine than a horny young college student.
Now I want to get to the things that tipped this book from emotionally engaging territory into "Really?? That's what Caden is going to do/say? That's how this plot line is going to play out?" Some of this will be hidden because it would possibly be spoiler-ish.
First, the evolution of Caden-in-the-box (you'll know what I mean if you read the book) to "Caden-out-of-the-box but acting like an a**hat" was so disappointing. Caden starts the book as Mr. Popular/Handsome/Idolized school Hockey Star and then, thanks to starting a relationship with Jamie, begins to mature into a more thoughtful and intelligent human, only to revert back to much of the more obnoxious parts of his earlier persona. I started out loving him as a partner with Jamie and ended up wishing Jamie could have found a partner who deserved him, which is NOT Caden. While Jamie is completely "out" throughout the book (indeed, for much of his life), Caden clings onto the clothes rack in his personal closet like a drowning man clutches a life preserver. While Caden makes the appropriate noises when talking with Jamie about working towards coming out, in reality he is treating Jamie like a dirty secret and doesn't have the guts to make any significant changes towards becoming a mature individual. I cannot fathom why Jamie puts up with this for so long, or how he can listen to Caden's constant puling about "I'm sorry, I'm trying, it's hard, ad nauseum". Caden would say he's ashamed of himself. I would say that what I'm reading feels more like Caden is ashamed of being attracted to Jamie and being seen with Jamie. Two very different things. It's particularly maddening when Caden showers Jamie with compliments - "smart, strong, beautiful, etc." and then continues to hope and pray the "wrong people" don't "catch" them together - because Caden's all about making the right impression for the masses - which means their opinion is more important than treating Jamie the right way. Ironically, Caden's "don't ask/dont' tell" behavior is cemented by how he thinks and acts in the "present day" chapters, where he'd give anything, do anything, say anything and to hell with the consequences if only he could have Jamie back. Would've been nice if he'd had some of those thoughts while they were together.
To summarize, while I wouldn't go so far as to not recommend this book, I think it failed on a lot of levels and it's a shame because I think the author has the potential to write a much more polished and substantial story. (Jamie deserves so much better.) I will likely keep an eye on her future books to see if there's improvement.
The character Jamie: 4+++ stars - so good!
(Book) Reality: 2 stars and a basically po'd reader.
Damn, this book frustrated the hell out of me. For about the first 1/3 or so I thought I was reading a book that, despite some overall writing style issues, was going to be a keeper, but then everything went south and dragged the whole book with it.
First, the good parts, which are the ones that made me think I was on to something special here. I give HUGE kudos to this author for creating the character that is Jamie. I worked for a long time at a local community college in a small conservative town and I was fortunate enough to have a Jamie on campus and for that person to allow me to get to know them really well, including all the s&*^ they had to go through. "My" Jamie taught me a whole lot about my own (LGBTQA++) community that I really never knew, or only thought I did, but in truth I never really "got it" until I heard it in their words. The character of Jamie in this book is somewhat slight in substance (especially compared to "my" Jamie), but the depiction is still an above-average take on folks like Jamie. I also LOVE MC's who are femme in so many ways and yet end up being the strongest partner by far in any pairing. A male-presenting individual in a skirt and eyeliner can be the world's biggest a**kicker, particularly regarding confronting hard realities and being human. There's a lot of truth to the character of Jamie that this author has created, particularly his strength both mentally and physically.
I also loved the way Caden and Jamie first interacted and just how vulnerable Caden allowed himself to be as he figured out what his sexual truth was and started to own it. Between these early chapters and those detailing Caden's anguish when Jamie is missing and presumed dead, this book hit extremely hard emotionally. If the rest of the book could have continued to honor the early plot flow, I think it would have been amazing. Unfortunately, I feel that the hard, sometimes painful, but all-very-human path of how these two connect(ed) went awry before the 1/2 way point.
Some of the issues I had were related to writing/writing style, and were evident throughout the book. Those weren't the real offenders, but they were annoying. First of all, the book is simply too damned long. (This is hardly ever an issue for me, because if a book is good, the last thing I want is for it to be a measly 200 or so pages. ) This was obvious early on because there is a lot of repetition in what Caden thinks about various events and scenarios. The book could use a culling by a good editor to take out unnecessarily redundant chunks of "what Caden is thinking." There is a specific part towards the end where Caden is ruminating on social media commentary and the author gives an uncomfortable amount of examples of what "vicious/negative" comments read like and an even longer litany of examples of positive comments. I kept thinking "OK, OK, I get it already, we're at a pivotal part of the story, let's move it along please."
I was also a non-fan of the whole Caden's POV of the story. For some reason (and I can't quite put my finger on it), I felt like we (the reader) never get to really know Jamie or experience any of his emotions at a realistic (if not visceral) level (which we DO get with Caden.) I think part of it might be that the author uses Jamie's actual name sparingly and resorts an inordinate amount of times to referring to Jamie as just "he" - as in "he did this, he said that, his eyes fluttered closed, he jumped" - you name it, "he" did it. After a time it felt like Caden's observations (where all this "he did such-and-such" was going on) were downright clinical/observational. I tried imagining a sentence here and there where I substituted "Jamie" for "he" and I was amazed at how it seemed to bring more truth depth to how I felt about the character.
This book was also way OTT in the volume of sex scenes department. Honestly, TMI about how flexible Jamie is. I was beginning to feel like the whole relationship was more about sex than anything else for Caden. Lord knows he and Jamie never talked half as much of the time as they spent having some kind of sex. Sometimes it felt like the author presented Jamie more like a concubine than a horny young college student.
Now I want to get to the things that tipped this book from emotionally engaging territory into "Really?? That's what Caden is going to do/say? That's how this plot line is going to play out?" Some of this will be hidden because it would possibly be spoiler-ish.
First, the evolution of Caden-in-the-box (you'll know what I mean if you read the book) to "Caden-out-of-the-box but acting like an a**hat" was so disappointing. Caden starts the book as Mr. Popular/Handsome/Idolized school Hockey Star and then, thanks to starting a relationship with Jamie, begins to mature into a more thoughtful and intelligent human, only to revert back to much of the more obnoxious parts of his earlier persona. I started out loving him as a partner with Jamie and ended up wishing Jamie could have found a partner who deserved him, which is NOT Caden. While Jamie is completely "out" throughout the book (indeed, for much of his life), Caden clings onto the clothes rack in his personal closet like a drowning man clutches a life preserver. While Caden makes the appropriate noises when talking with Jamie about working towards coming out, in reality he is treating Jamie like a dirty secret and doesn't have the guts to make any significant changes towards becoming a mature individual. I cannot fathom why Jamie puts up with this for so long, or how he can listen to Caden's constant puling about "I'm sorry, I'm trying, it's hard, ad nauseum". Caden would say he's ashamed of himself. I would say that what I'm reading feels more like Caden is ashamed of being attracted to Jamie and being seen with Jamie. Two very different things. It's particularly maddening when Caden showers Jamie with compliments - "smart, strong, beautiful, etc." and then continues to hope and pray the "wrong people" don't "catch" them together - because Caden's all about making the right impression for the masses - which means their opinion is more important than treating Jamie the right way. Ironically, Caden's "don't ask/dont' tell" behavior is cemented by how he thinks and acts in the "present day" chapters, where he'd give anything, do anything, say anything and to hell with the consequences if only he could have Jamie back. Would've been nice if he'd had some of those thoughts while they were together.
To summarize, while I wouldn't go so far as to not recommend this book, I think it failed on a lot of levels and it's a shame because I think the author has the potential to write a much more polished and substantial story. (Jamie deserves so much better.) I will likely keep an eye on her future books to see if there's improvement.
October 30, 2024
The blurb kind of led me to believe that this was going to be a second chance novel, but I was kind of caught off guard that this turned out to be a mystery/thriller-y romance.
The author did such a good job with the pacing! I found myself unable to put the book down with the "meanwhile back at the ranch" style chapters. Interspersing Caden and Jamie's romance between the search for Jamie was so well done (though I will say that I often found myself just wishing we got back to the search since I'm impatient).
With regards to the romance, I found Caden and Jamie's courtship to be very sweet! I really enjoyed the parts where they bucked the cliches like:
- Jamie leaving because he thought Caden would be ashamed instead of Caden kicking him out
- Jamie actually being patient instead of holding resentment for Caden being closeted (though this one does kinda happen, for the most part it was refreshing)
The individual characters of Caden and Jamie also felt very fleshed out!
Caden's fear of coming out because of his trauma was heartbreaking but well developed! His intense emotion over losing Jamie and firmly held belief that he was still alive kept me fiending for the next present chapter.
Jamie's strong independence but also having an internal desire to be seen was sad to read, but him finding that in Caden was what really sold their romance for me.
I also really loved all of the friends! Their support really helped cut through what otherwise could've been overwhelmingly angsty internal thoughts. Though they kinda changed the feel of the novel once they came onboard with Caden's theories (going from angsty to having a little more of a Scooby Doo-esque vibe).
That's not to say I didn't have parts that I wasn't a fan of.
I will say though, I absolutely hated Caden during his and Jamie's first fight. I 100% completely agree with everything Jamie on that part because Caden had done nothing to help him. I still don't think he groveled enough to earn Jamie's forgiveness at that point (I mean seriously, all he did was apologize via text and try to hound him down almost like Wally was at that point)
The author was also just wordy in general, with tons of repetition in spots that I feel like didn't need it. How many times did we have to read that people were staring at Caden but he didn't care? Or that Brad was being a homophobe? Sex scenes were just a tad too long too, emphasized by my desire to just figure out what the hell happened to Jamie.
The way they found Jamie was also just a little too comedic for me to enjoy. There were paragraphs just explaining the way he was abducted, but he was also supposedly feverish and had an infected bone? How did he have the energy to talk that much, let alone joke about having Caden bottom for him. I feel like having him pass out or lacking energy would've been a nice way to emphasize/contrast his usual demeanor given his situation.
And everything that came after they found him felt a little lacking, too reliant on just telling us what happened, and too much "and everyone clapped". Where was the emotional return? Things kinda just went from Forest -> Hospital -> back to normal real quick with little to no trauma shown from the kidnapping from anyone. Yeah, Caden goes to the club with Jamie now, but that's it? I think this might've just been the writer's style from the start, but without the mystery and pulling power of Jamie's disappearance behind it, the resolution fell flat. Wally's confession just felt like a list of things he did without Caden's anger. The game and parties they went to after just a little too lighthearted and empty without the pining/early relationship vibes that the past chapters had.
And don't even get me started on "Brad's getting kicked out because coach thinks he's homophobic and the entire team is on Caden's side now + Renee's a verified bitch". Like I get wanting to tie everything into a nice knot, but having "and everyone clapped" moments is not the right way to do it.
TL;DR Good story up until the slightly disappointing resolution. 4/5 stars still though.
The author did such a good job with the pacing! I found myself unable to put the book down with the "meanwhile back at the ranch" style chapters. Interspersing Caden and Jamie's romance between the search for Jamie was so well done (though I will say that I often found myself just wishing we got back to the search since I'm impatient).
With regards to the romance, I found Caden and Jamie's courtship to be very sweet! I really enjoyed the parts where they bucked the cliches like:
- Jamie leaving because he thought Caden would be ashamed instead of Caden kicking him out
- Jamie actually being patient instead of holding resentment for Caden being closeted (though this one does kinda happen, for the most part it was refreshing)
The individual characters of Caden and Jamie also felt very fleshed out!
Caden's fear of coming out because of his trauma was heartbreaking but well developed! His intense emotion over losing Jamie and firmly held belief that he was still alive kept me fiending for the next present chapter.
Jamie's strong independence but also having an internal desire to be seen was sad to read, but him finding that in Caden was what really sold their romance for me.
I also really loved all of the friends! Their support really helped cut through what otherwise could've been overwhelmingly angsty internal thoughts. Though they kinda changed the feel of the novel once they came onboard with Caden's theories (going from angsty to having a little more of a Scooby Doo-esque vibe).
That's not to say I didn't have parts that I wasn't a fan of.
I will say though, I absolutely hated Caden during his and Jamie's first fight. I 100% completely agree with everything Jamie on that part because Caden had done nothing to help him. I still don't think he groveled enough to earn Jamie's forgiveness at that point (I mean seriously, all he did was apologize via text and try to hound him down almost like Wally was at that point)
The author was also just wordy in general, with tons of repetition in spots that I feel like didn't need it. How many times did we have to read that people were staring at Caden but he didn't care? Or that Brad was being a homophobe? Sex scenes were just a tad too long too, emphasized by my desire to just figure out what the hell happened to Jamie.
The way they found Jamie was also just a little too comedic for me to enjoy. There were paragraphs just explaining the way he was abducted, but he was also supposedly feverish and had an infected bone? How did he have the energy to talk that much, let alone joke about having Caden bottom for him. I feel like having him pass out or lacking energy would've been a nice way to emphasize/contrast his usual demeanor given his situation.
And everything that came after they found him felt a little lacking, too reliant on just telling us what happened, and too much "and everyone clapped". Where was the emotional return? Things kinda just went from Forest -> Hospital -> back to normal real quick with little to no trauma shown from the kidnapping from anyone. Yeah, Caden goes to the club with Jamie now, but that's it? I think this might've just been the writer's style from the start, but without the mystery and pulling power of Jamie's disappearance behind it, the resolution fell flat. Wally's confession just felt like a list of things he did without Caden's anger. The game and parties they went to after just a little too lighthearted and empty without the pining/early relationship vibes that the past chapters had.
And don't even get me started on "Brad's getting kicked out because coach thinks he's homophobic and the entire team is on Caden's side now + Renee's a verified bitch". Like I get wanting to tie everything into a nice knot, but having "and everyone clapped" moments is not the right way to do it.
TL;DR Good story up until the slightly disappointing resolution. 4/5 stars still though.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 10, 2024
4.5 stars
If this was a debut novel, then consider me signed up for the author's future works. Her writing style really drew me in and I became invested in these characters right from the start. I'm not usually a fan of numerous flashbacks, but here it absolutely worked. The chapters alternated between present day events and flashbacks which showed the evolving relationship between Caden and Jamie which began 6 months earlier.
The story begins with Caden and his friends dealing the best they can with a heartbreaking tragedy. You could really feel the anguish, despair and urgency for resolution so that closure could be given. While reading I too was anxious to find out what happened to Jamie, so every time the chapters alternated to a flashback, I'll admit to being a bit impatient because I needed to know what happened like now. It still kept me engaged because even though I wanted answers, I also enjoyed getting to see those tender and spicy moments in Jamie and Caden's relationship and how their love grew to be all consuming. Not sure we needed to have extended intimate scenes in every flashback but was I along for the ride? Yes, yes I was. :)
Here's where I give a shout out to the Scooby Gang. Caden and Jamie's closest friends were simply amazing. They showed intense loyalty and provided support above and beyond the norm. Their willingness to listen to Caden's desperate theories about Jamie's disappearance and then to step up and help him investigate those theories no matter how unlikely they seemed, was heartwarming. I liked how they each used their individual strengths and talents to put together all the various pieces of the puzzle. Both Jamie and Caden had great families too.
I did feel like the ending was a bit rushed though. Over the course of the book, the anticipation had been building up slowly in order to show all the flashbacks, during which sometimes only a few weeks had passed. Then after the resolution, we seemed to get a time jump on activities followed by a bit of an info dump on the various characters and their futures. I mean I'm glad all our questions were answered but I wanted to savor the ending a little more instead of rushing through it.
Bottom line is I enjoyed this very much and would definitely recommend it. I'd like to thank the author for
If this was a debut novel, then consider me signed up for the author's future works. Her writing style really drew me in and I became invested in these characters right from the start. I'm not usually a fan of numerous flashbacks, but here it absolutely worked. The chapters alternated between present day events and flashbacks which showed the evolving relationship between Caden and Jamie which began 6 months earlier.
The story begins with Caden and his friends dealing the best they can with a heartbreaking tragedy. You could really feel the anguish, despair and urgency for resolution so that closure could be given. While reading I too was anxious to find out what happened to Jamie, so every time the chapters alternated to a flashback, I'll admit to being a bit impatient because I needed to know what happened like now. It still kept me engaged because even though I wanted answers, I also enjoyed getting to see those tender and spicy moments in Jamie and Caden's relationship and how their love grew to be all consuming. Not sure we needed to have extended intimate scenes in every flashback but was I along for the ride? Yes, yes I was. :)
Here's where I give a shout out to the Scooby Gang. Caden and Jamie's closest friends were simply amazing. They showed intense loyalty and provided support above and beyond the norm. Their willingness to listen to Caden's desperate theories about Jamie's disappearance and then to step up and help him investigate those theories no matter how unlikely they seemed, was heartwarming. I liked how they each used their individual strengths and talents to put together all the various pieces of the puzzle. Both Jamie and Caden had great families too.
I did feel like the ending was a bit rushed though. Over the course of the book, the anticipation had been building up slowly in order to show all the flashbacks, during which sometimes only a few weeks had passed. Then after the resolution, we seemed to get a time jump on activities followed by a bit of an info dump on the various characters and their futures. I mean I'm glad all our questions were answered but I wanted to savor the ending a little more instead of rushing through it.
Bottom line is I enjoyed this very much and would definitely recommend it. I'd like to thank the author for
Displaying 1 - 30 of 124 reviews