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The Disengaged Teen: Helping Kids Learn Better, Feel Better, and Live Better
A powerful toolkit for parents of both checked-out and stressed-out teens that shows exactly what to do (and stop doing) to support their academic and emotional flourishing.
Adolescents are hardwired to explore and grow, and learning is mainly how they do this. But a shocking majority of teens are disengaged from school, simultaneously bored and overwhelmed. This is feeding an alarming teen mental health crisis. As kids get older and more independent, parents often feel powerless to help. But fear not, there are evidence-backed strategies to guide them from disengagement to drive, in and out of school.
For the past five years, award-winning journalist Jenny Anderson and the Brookings Institution’s global education expert Rebecca Winthrop have been investigating why so many children lose their love of learning in adolescence. Now, weaving extensive original research with real-world stories of kids who transformed their relationships with learning, they identify four modes of learning that students use to navigate through the shifting academic demands and social dynamics of middle and high school, shaping the internal narratives about their skills, potential, and identity:
• Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out.
• Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs.
• Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges.
• Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals.
Understanding your child’s learning modes is vital for nurturing their ability to become Explorers. Anderson and Winthrop outline simple yet counterintuitive parenting strategies for connecting with your child, tailoring your listening and communication styles to their needs, igniting their curiosity, and building self-awareness and emotional regulation.
Adolescents are hardwired to explore and grow, and learning is mainly how they do this. But a shocking majority of teens are disengaged from school, simultaneously bored and overwhelmed. This is feeding an alarming teen mental health crisis. As kids get older and more independent, parents often feel powerless to help. But fear not, there are evidence-backed strategies to guide them from disengagement to drive, in and out of school.
For the past five years, award-winning journalist Jenny Anderson and the Brookings Institution’s global education expert Rebecca Winthrop have been investigating why so many children lose their love of learning in adolescence. Now, weaving extensive original research with real-world stories of kids who transformed their relationships with learning, they identify four modes of learning that students use to navigate through the shifting academic demands and social dynamics of middle and high school, shaping the internal narratives about their skills, potential, and identity:
• Resister. When kids resist, they struggle silently with profound feelings of inadequacy or invisibility, which they communicate by ignoring homework, playing sick, skipping class, or acting out.
• Passenger. When kids coast along, consistently doing the bare minimum and complaining that classes are pointless. They need help connecting school to their skills, interests, or learning needs.
• Achiever. When kids show up, do the work, and get consistently high grades, their self-worth can become tied to high performance. Their disengagement is invisible, fueling a fear of failure and putting them at risk for mental health challenges.
• Explorer. When kids are driven by internal curiosity rather than just external expectations, they investigate the questions they care about and persist to achieve their goals.
Understanding your child’s learning modes is vital for nurturing their ability to become Explorers. Anderson and Winthrop outline simple yet counterintuitive parenting strategies for connecting with your child, tailoring your listening and communication styles to their needs, igniting their curiosity, and building self-awareness and emotional regulation.
352 pages, Hardcover
Published January 7, 2025
404 people are currently reading
5915 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 109 reviews
May 10, 2025
I picked this up on a whim from my local library. I liked how it started out - the four modes are useful information. I found this to be the most valuable part of the book. I really like how the author's encouraged parents not to focus on the mode as an identity but rather to allow the child to move among the modes as needed in certain settings and to know that a child might be passive/resistance in a school setting yet be an explorer in a different setting.
After a while I got tired of having climate change, privilege, random cursing, and having race issues subtly and not so subtly pushed at the reader at any moment it could be slipped in. Therefore, Part II of the book was lacking for me because this is the bulk of where that starts to pick up.
I found a lot of value in Part I so my recommendation would be to read Part I and then go read Dr. Kathy Koch's books - all of them really - but at least Five to Thrive, The 8 Great Smarts, and her book on Resiliency for some actionable steps to navigate some of these modes and the dangers of not belonging.
Then read The Anxious Generation or Dr. Kathy's Screens and Teens to get some better data and advice regarding technology and its hold on our society.
Last, I do appreciate that this book didn't vilify brick and mortar schools, nor did it act like the current educational system is the gold standard. I thought they did a good job of identifying some things that the schools really are lacking without casting them as public enemy number one.
After a while I got tired of having climate change, privilege, random cursing, and having race issues subtly and not so subtly pushed at the reader at any moment it could be slipped in. Therefore, Part II of the book was lacking for me because this is the bulk of where that starts to pick up.
I found a lot of value in Part I so my recommendation would be to read Part I and then go read Dr. Kathy Koch's books - all of them really - but at least Five to Thrive, The 8 Great Smarts, and her book on Resiliency for some actionable steps to navigate some of these modes and the dangers of not belonging.
Then read The Anxious Generation or Dr. Kathy's Screens and Teens to get some better data and advice regarding technology and its hold on our society.
Last, I do appreciate that this book didn't vilify brick and mortar schools, nor did it act like the current educational system is the gold standard. I thought they did a good job of identifying some things that the schools really are lacking without casting them as public enemy number one.
January 22, 2025
This book addresses the pressing issue around why so many teens feel disconnected from their education. Drawing on extensive research, it delves into the systemic challenges within education, the impact of technology, and the growing divide between what students are taught and the skills they need for the future. Through data and real-life narratives, the authors examine how emotions influence learning. They also offer practical strategies for parents and communities to build resilience in teens and encourages us to rethink how we support young people in school and beyond.
The authors’ exploration of the emotional side of learning and the invisible obstacles many teens face was eye-opening. The use of data and stories kept me engaged, while the actionable strategies for building confidence in teens felt practical and empowering. I think by using the "explorer mode," we can help teens connect with the world around them. This is a must-read for anyone who wants to better understand how to support today’s teens and help them thrive.
To listen to my interview with the authors, go to my podcast at: https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
The authors’ exploration of the emotional side of learning and the invisible obstacles many teens face was eye-opening. The use of data and stories kept me engaged, while the actionable strategies for building confidence in teens felt practical and empowering. I think by using the "explorer mode," we can help teens connect with the world around them. This is a must-read for anyone who wants to better understand how to support today’s teens and help them thrive.
To listen to my interview with the authors, go to my podcast at: https://zibbymedia.com/blogs/transcri...
January 21, 2025
Dives into the “Why” our teens are disengaged
Excellent and relevant for parents and teachers.
I like the way this author broke down the disengaged teens into 4 categories and then discussed how each are struggling in their own way.
The research/data was plentiful and thorough. Not persuasive, just informative.
In addition, it gave plenty of suggestions to help at home/classroom that were beyond the “take away tech” philosophy.
I plan to implement a lot of this suggested metacognitive instruction with my students/children as it focused on visualizing our future selves.
Excellent and relevant for parents and teachers.
I like the way this author broke down the disengaged teens into 4 categories and then discussed how each are struggling in their own way.
The research/data was plentiful and thorough. Not persuasive, just informative.
In addition, it gave plenty of suggestions to help at home/classroom that were beyond the “take away tech” philosophy.
I plan to implement a lot of this suggested metacognitive instruction with my students/children as it focused on visualizing our future selves.
July 27, 2025
Parents, teachers, and kids should read this.
If you struggle with motivation, read this.
I highlighted so much. I want to reread it if I ever have school age children. I am already thinking through how to implement it in my classroom AND in my own life.
If you struggle with motivation, read this.
I highlighted so much. I want to reread it if I ever have school age children. I am already thinking through how to implement it in my classroom AND in my own life.
June 20, 2025
I thought this was easy to understand and wished I listened to it sooner.
July 23, 2025
Read a copy from the library but ordering now so I can annotate and take excessive notes. Lots of good information in here-excellent for high school teachers to read.
September 16, 2025
4.5 ⭐ simplified and easy to understand with practical prompts and guidance. I definitely plan on utilizing the information in the book both as a parent and in the classroom.
May 31, 2025
I feel like the title is slightly misleading. It made me think it was going to be more about teens who aren't doing well in school because they simply don't care about it. The authors actually cover four different modes of student learning and discuss all of them equally.
My main take-aways were:
1. Those high-achieving kids that everyone focuses on may actually not be all that great, especially in the long-term.
2. Don't nag. Every parenting book always says this, but then doesn't really tell you what to do instead. This book does. I call it positive nagging because it's mostly just reframing the way we nag. Instead of saying, "You need to study for this test." try "What's your plan to get ready for this test?"
3. Rather than asking them generic questions about how school or their day was or what they learned, get more specific.
4. Lean in to their interests. This was the best part IMO. There are many things that inspire learning and becoming explorers outside of school. If your child is doing well in this area, you're doing a good job.
It was interesting to learn that those in achiever mode aren't necessarily better off than those in passenger mode, however, I don't think parents of achievers would really care all that much, because they're still doing what they want them to do. This section was a waste of time for me, as my kids could care less about school accolades. I don't see parents of achievers seeing the need to pick up this book, especially based on the title, even though those sections might do them some good.
I needed way more info on the passenger and resister modes. I was also a little disappointed on the resister mode. They stressed that most of the time resisters are that way because they're being bullied, are overwhelmed by academics or have mental health struggles. I have a resister with none of these issues. He's a total explorer outside of school and has big goals for himself. He just happens to think school will do nothing to help him achieve these goals. He's just incredibly strong-willed, so he resists school. Reading this didn't give me any insight on how to help him do better in school, which was the main reason I read this book. It did, at least, help me to not focus so much on school, but to appreciate how much of an explorer he is in other ways and how that can be so much more valuable than having an achiever who doesn't really care about anything other than doing well.
I really think this book is more appropriate for educators rather than parents. Unless, you have multiple children who are vastly different students, the material will be too broad for what you want. A lot of it is about changing the ways we teach kids, which doesn't help a whole lot unless you're the one making those decisions.
I was also really turned off by the need to mention the race of all the students in the stories they shared. It was awkward and mostly unnecessary to the topic. It felt like all the white kids were mentioned as being privileged and their problems were more on the parents end, while the minority kids were more victims of their environment. There are so many factors in a child's success besides race. If that were the case, the "privileged" wouldn't have any school problems. There was even one situation where the student's parents were going through a messy divorce, but they made it more about his race than all the trauma that he was probably experiencing at home. The race card was so heavy-handed at times that I almost took off a star.
Overall, my takeaways weren't exactly brand new info., but they were helpful reminders. If I can come away from a book with something to work on, I consider it worth my time to read. If it was heavier on passenger and resister with just brief info on achiever mode, it would have been much more up my alley. If you're in education read it, if you're a parent who needs help maybe read it with a lot of skimming.
My main take-aways were:
1. Those high-achieving kids that everyone focuses on may actually not be all that great, especially in the long-term.
2. Don't nag. Every parenting book always says this, but then doesn't really tell you what to do instead. This book does. I call it positive nagging because it's mostly just reframing the way we nag. Instead of saying, "You need to study for this test." try "What's your plan to get ready for this test?"
3. Rather than asking them generic questions about how school or their day was or what they learned, get more specific.
4. Lean in to their interests. This was the best part IMO. There are many things that inspire learning and becoming explorers outside of school. If your child is doing well in this area, you're doing a good job.
It was interesting to learn that those in achiever mode aren't necessarily better off than those in passenger mode, however, I don't think parents of achievers would really care all that much, because they're still doing what they want them to do. This section was a waste of time for me, as my kids could care less about school accolades. I don't see parents of achievers seeing the need to pick up this book, especially based on the title, even though those sections might do them some good.
I needed way more info on the passenger and resister modes. I was also a little disappointed on the resister mode. They stressed that most of the time resisters are that way because they're being bullied, are overwhelmed by academics or have mental health struggles. I have a resister with none of these issues. He's a total explorer outside of school and has big goals for himself. He just happens to think school will do nothing to help him achieve these goals. He's just incredibly strong-willed, so he resists school. Reading this didn't give me any insight on how to help him do better in school, which was the main reason I read this book. It did, at least, help me to not focus so much on school, but to appreciate how much of an explorer he is in other ways and how that can be so much more valuable than having an achiever who doesn't really care about anything other than doing well.
I really think this book is more appropriate for educators rather than parents. Unless, you have multiple children who are vastly different students, the material will be too broad for what you want. A lot of it is about changing the ways we teach kids, which doesn't help a whole lot unless you're the one making those decisions.
I was also really turned off by the need to mention the race of all the students in the stories they shared. It was awkward and mostly unnecessary to the topic. It felt like all the white kids were mentioned as being privileged and their problems were more on the parents end, while the minority kids were more victims of their environment. There are so many factors in a child's success besides race. If that were the case, the "privileged" wouldn't have any school problems. There was even one situation where the student's parents were going through a messy divorce, but they made it more about his race than all the trauma that he was probably experiencing at home. The race card was so heavy-handed at times that I almost took off a star.
Overall, my takeaways weren't exactly brand new info., but they were helpful reminders. If I can come away from a book with something to work on, I consider it worth my time to read. If it was heavier on passenger and resister with just brief info on achiever mode, it would have been much more up my alley. If you're in education read it, if you're a parent who needs help maybe read it with a lot of skimming.
July 28, 2025
Highly recommend for anyone who works with young people.
July 9, 2025
Great book for reminders about what to focus on. I like reading these in the summer for inspiration
January 7, 2025
An absolute must-read for parents, educators, and anyone invested in our teens. This book is a game-changer in understanding and reigniting a love for learning during one of the most challenging stages of life.
What sets this book apart is actionable advice—strategies that feel intuitive, achievable, and tailored to the complexities of parenting in today’s world. It offers hope, not just for fostering academic success, but also for nurturing emotional well-being and self-discovery.
If you care about empowering teens to thrive—not just survive—this is the book you’ve been waiting for!
What sets this book apart is actionable advice—strategies that feel intuitive, achievable, and tailored to the complexities of parenting in today’s world. It offers hope, not just for fostering academic success, but also for nurturing emotional well-being and self-discovery.
If you care about empowering teens to thrive—not just survive—this is the book you’ve been waiting for!
January 23, 2025
A lot of really valuable information using identifiers that are easy to follow. I did find it at times a bit repetitive and longer than it needed to be but ultimately think it's a great resource for navigating the struggles kids are having with engaging not just in school, but in life. Covers all the territory that you're looking for with simple solutions that will probably just require a bit of patience and commitment.
July 14, 2025
To be fair, I really skimmed through this one. I'm going to look at it again before school starts and see if there is more to glean.
But I didn't find it to be all that original or insightful, personally. I work with teens and live with teens, and there wasn't much in here that impressed me. I feel like I need to have someone who really got something out of it give me some insight. What did I miss?
But I didn't find it to be all that original or insightful, personally. I work with teens and live with teens, and there wasn't much in here that impressed me. I feel like I need to have someone who really got something out of it give me some insight. What did I miss?
August 24, 2025
This one took me a bit to get through, but digesting it in sections left time to process and make connections multiple times with each of my kids, even the one who is 10 (not quite a teen). I definitely earmarked some sections to re-read in the next few years. While not all the research is their own, between the stories shared and how they correlate to each model the format of this book reminded me a lot of Brene Brown.
December 31, 2024
It’s a book that teenagers’ parents will appreciate greatly. First, it’s a great read with very interesting stories to illustrate challenges and solutions. The 4 modes of learning described by the authors will probably be a ah-ha moment for many parents.Second, it’s packed with evidence-based tips. As a parent myself I can tell that these tips are very useful and effective.
July 16, 2025
200 pages bashing public schools
1 paragraph about how maybe tech companies are bad
There were a couple good nuggets in here (The Wise Feedback idea they took from the book 10 to 25 is good), but mostly it was limited research and unreatable anecdotes.
1 paragraph about how maybe tech companies are bad
There were a couple good nuggets in here (The Wise Feedback idea they took from the book 10 to 25 is good), but mostly it was limited research and unreatable anecdotes.
January 23, 2025
As a teacher, I felt that this is a great resource for parents. It gives a balanced and truthful look at what we try to accomplish and advice for how parents can support their teens.
May 18, 2025
A good guide for parents, less so for teachers , but interesting and inspiring case studies to uplift those at the coal face or ‘parent face’ or whatever we might call that.
June 14, 2025
Five stars for parents, four stars for teachers. Seems geared more directly for the former, but still some great foundational ideas to help support young people.
August 13, 2025
Read this for work. Some good insights but a lot I already knew.
September 28, 2025
I read this for work, but I have to assume that if I had teens and they were disengaged that it would be helpful.
October 26, 2025
Done. And good thoughts to think out
May 26, 2025
Wicked cool. Made me reevaluate some of my views, which will make me a better teacher.
December 23, 2024
I really enjoyed "The Disengaged Teen" - I would recommend for anyone interested in education and how to motivate children to learn and be interested in the world, in a society where children are increasingly hopeless and overwhelmed. Worth reading both for parents and those broadly interested in education.
January 16, 2026
I was engaged in listening to this book and appreciated learning the different descriptions of how the authors see teenage learners. As an educator, I could see how the descriptions fit many students and wish it was easier to keep kids engaged. My biggest frustration is how much expectation there is to make accommodations for kids because when I was a teenager, we just had to engage.
The book does target parents and gives them methods and tools to help their kids rather than telling teachers or schools to change. I know that I try to make learning engaging and so do many of my colleagues.
The book does target parents and gives them methods and tools to help their kids rather than telling teachers or schools to change. I know that I try to make learning engaging and so do many of my colleagues.
December 14, 2024
This book was easy to read with some good tips. I don't currently have any teenagers to practice what was said in the book to confirm it works or not but definitely good information for the future!
December 4, 2024
I found the descriptions of the four modes of learning incredibly helpful. And what I really loved is how the authors make it clear that your kid is not in one mode for all things forever. Rather, they may approach one subject in one mode and another subject in another mode -- and that can (and will) change over time. This, to me, reflects reality and helps parents find ways to inspire their children from where they are. I am not a big parenting book reader, but I really really loved this one.
August 13, 2025
I’m a high school teacher, and I found this to be a better book for parents than educators. Any teachers, counselors, or administrators who have studied cognitive psychology, the neuroscience of learning, or any motivation theory will recognize the ideas and practices suggested by the book. That said there is a wealth of practical strategies for parents to coach their teenage children to be more engaged, stronger self/directed agents of their own learning. The recent research on why students are disengaged is very interesting, as is the resource chapter about technology and AI at the end of the book.
August 18, 2025
(4.0) More meat than I expected
Ok, a bunch of their end notes are interview citations, rather than references to the researchers’ actual publications. And okay, the anecdotes feel borderline fantastical. But there are some good simple suggestions here for parents. To identify problems and what to try (including some suggested quotations). So much depends on how parents and teachers respond to problem behaviors, and how they talk to teenagers. Show genuine interest, give them autonomy, discuss vs preach etc. I look forward to discussing with a teacher friend soon. :)
Ok, a bunch of their end notes are interview citations, rather than references to the researchers’ actual publications. And okay, the anecdotes feel borderline fantastical. But there are some good simple suggestions here for parents. To identify problems and what to try (including some suggested quotations). So much depends on how parents and teachers respond to problem behaviors, and how they talk to teenagers. Show genuine interest, give them autonomy, discuss vs preach etc. I look forward to discussing with a teacher friend soon. :)
February 23, 2025
This book is very well researched and shows a lot of thought in how to get a teen more motivated by school. This is geared toward parents and I think the easiest advice that this book could give is for parents to be parents. Listen to your child, take an interest in what they are interested, and ask questions. I’m not sure if anything was truly groundbreaking because I felt like it was more common sense than anything else.
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