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Always the Almost
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First published February 14, 2023
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About the author
Edward Underhill
5 books425 followersEdward Underhill is an author and composer who grew up Wisconsin, studied music in Ohio, and spent several years living in tiny apartments in New York City. He currently resides in California with his partner, where he writes music and stories. When not doing either of those things, he’s probably gardening or getting yelled at by his cat. He is the author of the young adult novels Always the Almost and This Day Changes Everything. His adult fiction debut, The In-Between Bookstore, is forthcoming from HarperCollins in 2025.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,026 reviews
February 24, 2023
**Many thanks to NetGalley, St. Martin's Press/Wednesday Books, and Edward Underhill for an ARC of this book! Now available as of 2.14!**
"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent."-Victor Hugo
An emotional and heartwarming story of self-discovery and what it means to TRULY show the world who you are, with no holds barred!
Miles hasn't had an easy year, but now that January has rolled around, he's made a couple of resolutions. After coming out as trans and queer, he lost his former love Shane, after a year-long romance...and he is determined to win him back. Miles also has a VERY important state-wide piano competition coming up and he HAS to defeat his conceited arch enemy. Miles starts lessons with a new teacher who is determined to get him to 'be himself' through his music...but how can Miles do that when he is still piecing together what that means in his life?
Enter new boy Eric, who captures Miles' eye and attention with his quiet confidence and instant acceptance. As both a queer boy and an artist (cartoons are his medium of choice), Eric can relate to Miles on so many levels, and the two become fast friends. Their relationship takes a shove into romantic territory, however, when a 'fake date' to a party leads to a REAL kiss...and Miles feels like he's never felt before. But why does his stomach still do flip flops every time Shane walks by? Can Miles find himself FULLY in time to win the competition, play his truth in song, AND find out what (or who) his heart TRULY desires?
If I could sum up this book in one word, it would have to be JOYFUL! Though Underhill doesn't hold back describing some of the lows and real struggles Miles experiences becoming his true self (forging new romantic relationships, redefining his place with his parents and his competition mates and the like) this book more than anything else serves as a 'love song' to trans and queer kids everywhere AND creatives alike. There is perhaps no better universal connector than music, because it is the only language that requires no words, and I thought this was a PERFECT way to emphasize the importance of self-expression in defining and sharing our identities with the world around us.
Miles goes on two interconnected journeys of self-discovery and self-love, and even though this is YA, I didn't feel that the narrative veered into stereotypical or predictable territory too often. I did feel some frustration during the third act tension, but the characters remained lovable enough even during the conflicts where I was able to stay invested and excited to see how the love story would turn out (and I'm not going to mention any names!) 😉 The ending is sweet and satisfying without being sappy...and just a LITTLE bit surprising to cap it off!
As a queer trans man himself, Edward Underhill's debut rings with authenticity, courage, vulnerability, hope, and honesty. There is nothing that we crave more as humans than to fully see, and more importantly, to BE seen for nothing more or less than everything we are...and by story's end?
Miles does just that.
4 stars
"Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent."-Victor Hugo
An emotional and heartwarming story of self-discovery and what it means to TRULY show the world who you are, with no holds barred!
Miles hasn't had an easy year, but now that January has rolled around, he's made a couple of resolutions. After coming out as trans and queer, he lost his former love Shane, after a year-long romance...and he is determined to win him back. Miles also has a VERY important state-wide piano competition coming up and he HAS to defeat his conceited arch enemy. Miles starts lessons with a new teacher who is determined to get him to 'be himself' through his music...but how can Miles do that when he is still piecing together what that means in his life?
Enter new boy Eric, who captures Miles' eye and attention with his quiet confidence and instant acceptance. As both a queer boy and an artist (cartoons are his medium of choice), Eric can relate to Miles on so many levels, and the two become fast friends. Their relationship takes a shove into romantic territory, however, when a 'fake date' to a party leads to a REAL kiss...and Miles feels like he's never felt before. But why does his stomach still do flip flops every time Shane walks by? Can Miles find himself FULLY in time to win the competition, play his truth in song, AND find out what (or who) his heart TRULY desires?
If I could sum up this book in one word, it would have to be JOYFUL! Though Underhill doesn't hold back describing some of the lows and real struggles Miles experiences becoming his true self (forging new romantic relationships, redefining his place with his parents and his competition mates and the like) this book more than anything else serves as a 'love song' to trans and queer kids everywhere AND creatives alike. There is perhaps no better universal connector than music, because it is the only language that requires no words, and I thought this was a PERFECT way to emphasize the importance of self-expression in defining and sharing our identities with the world around us.
Miles goes on two interconnected journeys of self-discovery and self-love, and even though this is YA, I didn't feel that the narrative veered into stereotypical or predictable territory too often. I did feel some frustration during the third act tension, but the characters remained lovable enough even during the conflicts where I was able to stay invested and excited to see how the love story would turn out (and I'm not going to mention any names!) 😉 The ending is sweet and satisfying without being sappy...and just a LITTLE bit surprising to cap it off!
As a queer trans man himself, Edward Underhill's debut rings with authenticity, courage, vulnerability, hope, and honesty. There is nothing that we crave more as humans than to fully see, and more importantly, to BE seen for nothing more or less than everything we are...and by story's end?
Miles does just that.
4 stars
October 30, 2022
Uplifting, joyful, victorious. The Sky Blues meets Simon vs the Homosapiens Agenda meets A Little Bit Country meets Heartbreak Boys but make it trans. So, if you loved the books mentioned above, you should definitely check out Always the Almost!
Sometimes I just know I will love a story. From the moment I read the blurb, my heart jumped up with happiness. Then I saw the cover by Myriam Strasbourg (peachesobviously), and I knew I needed this book. And when I started reading, I immediately fell head over heels. With the vibrant writing. With the realistic characters and their flaws. With the easiness, Edward tells this story. With Miles’ devotion to the piano and classical music (even though I’m not a massive fan of classical music). When Miles played that piano, I felt his struggles and his joy for being himself, a trans, queer teen. And I was in awe.
Always the Almost is about finding yourself and being true to yourself. It’s like being with the ones you love the most. It’s a story that hugged me completely, like a blanket full of warmth. I read the book with a constant smile on my face and this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. Miles was an MC to root for, and Eric, cinnamon roll Eric was so sweet and lovable. I even liked Shane. And, of course, Stefania! Hard on the outside, so soft on the inside.
Thanks, Edward, for sharing Miles’ story with the world. I’m impatiently waiting for what you write next!
I received an ARC from Wednesday Books and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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Sometimes I just know I will love a story. From the moment I read the blurb, my heart jumped up with happiness. Then I saw the cover by Myriam Strasbourg (peachesobviously), and I knew I needed this book. And when I started reading, I immediately fell head over heels. With the vibrant writing. With the realistic characters and their flaws. With the easiness, Edward tells this story. With Miles’ devotion to the piano and classical music (even though I’m not a massive fan of classical music). When Miles played that piano, I felt his struggles and his joy for being himself, a trans, queer teen. And I was in awe.
Always the Almost is about finding yourself and being true to yourself. It’s like being with the ones you love the most. It’s a story that hugged me completely, like a blanket full of warmth. I read the book with a constant smile on my face and this warm fuzzy feeling in my chest. Miles was an MC to root for, and Eric, cinnamon roll Eric was so sweet and lovable. I even liked Shane. And, of course, Stefania! Hard on the outside, so soft on the inside.
Thanks, Edward, for sharing Miles’ story with the world. I’m impatiently waiting for what you write next!
I received an ARC from Wednesday Books and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
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November 10, 2024cheating/infidelity is not a rite of passage thank u
June 19, 2023
[możliwy spoiler]
Wiecie z czym ja się mierzę w książkach? Z tym, że pokazują mi one jak różną tolerancję na zdradę mają inni ludzie. Nie wiem czy to tylko ja, ale ja gdybym dowiedziała się, że moja osoba partnerska CAŁUJE SIĘ Z KIMŚ INNYM UKRYWAJĄC TO i jeszcze mój przyjaciel by jej bronił:
1. Kupiłabym dobrą łopatę,
2. 2 worki wapna,
3. Zaczęłabym już kopać.
Tak samo z całowaniem byłego - CO Z TEGO, ŻE PO TYM POCAŁUNKU NIE WRÓCILIŚCIE DO SIEBIE SKORO SIĘ POCAŁOWALIŚCIE?! To był ten element książki, który mocno mnie uwierał ale może to po prostu moja aro/ace głowa tego nie ogarnia.
Poza tym serio świetna historia z trans, gay lesbian, pan reprezentacją.
Wiecie z czym ja się mierzę w książkach? Z tym, że pokazują mi one jak różną tolerancję na zdradę mają inni ludzie. Nie wiem czy to tylko ja, ale ja gdybym dowiedziała się, że moja osoba partnerska CAŁUJE SIĘ Z KIMŚ INNYM UKRYWAJĄC TO i jeszcze mój przyjaciel by jej bronił:
1. Kupiłabym dobrą łopatę,
2. 2 worki wapna,
3. Zaczęłabym już kopać.
Tak samo z całowaniem byłego - CO Z TEGO, ŻE PO TYM POCAŁUNKU NIE WRÓCILIŚCIE DO SIEBIE SKORO SIĘ POCAŁOWALIŚCIE?! To był ten element książki, który mocno mnie uwierał ale może to po prostu moja aro/ace głowa tego nie ogarnia.
Poza tym serio świetna historia z trans, gay lesbian, pan reprezentacją.
February 14, 2023
Happy release day to this book! For all of you looking for a sweet YA romance this Valentine’s Day, pick this up at your local bookstore or borrow it from your local library!
E-ARC provided by Wednesday Books in exchange for an honest review. Thank you so much!
4 stars. Both a musical coming-of-age story and a concerto of queer trans joy, Always the Almost is absolutely worthy of a standing ovation.
E-ARC provided by Wednesday Books in exchange for an honest review. Thank you so much!
4 stars. Both a musical coming-of-age story and a concerto of queer trans joy, Always the Almost is absolutely worthy of a standing ovation.
June 2, 2023
a content warning i needed before i read this: infidelity
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February 14, 2022I know it's way too early to share anything about it but lemme just say that I freaking loved it, to the point I couldn't pick up another YA for the rest of the weekend because I couldn't stop comparing.
February 17, 2023
it would be a solid 3 star book but I took down a star everytime someone cheated on their s/o and tried to be like "oh that's not cheating I'm just figuring things out don't be a judgy asshole and call it cheating"
March 22, 2023
This truly was a pure joy to read.
I laughed, I even shed a tear at one point, and I thought the story truly encompassed what it's like to be a teenager trying to figure out who they are. Now, I can't speak from the lens of the MC who is trans as I am a cis-male, but I truly thought it provided a point-of-view that shows the trans experience in a way cis-people could ever see, and whether this was intended or not, it worked really well. What I got from it is: Your experiences are yours - and no one else's. No one can tell you whether you should be feeling more this or that in any situation.
[Very minor content spoiler - no deets - ahead]
I read a few of the reviews here and y'all, many reviewers are PRESSED about the content involving infidelity. Now, I obviously do not approve of this in real life - but y'all going to have a wake up call when you realize that it's PART OF LIFE. This will most likely happen if not to you, but someone you know in your life (if it hasn't happened already). This doesn't excuse it, but people can make bad decisions and make mistakes - it doesn't ultimately make them a bad person, especially when they're growing and learning how to just be a person. ESPECIALLY if a person look back on it with regret and realize that it was wrong. I find it interesting that these reviewers hold onto it like it's the be-all-end-all and pass judgement on the entire book for that reason. And hey, I'd be contradicting my earlier statement saying that "no one can tell you whether you should be feeling this or that", but objectively looking at the book at a whole, it's a fairly unreasonable way to judge the book. It's like if I picked up a book and it had cannibalism in it and I rated it 1-2 stars because I do not agree with cannibalism and it's so unforgivable.
It's a shame that those reviews contribute a lower rating, to what I can see objectively as an amazingly written, fun, loving, emotional and deep teenage trans experience.
LOVED this book!
I laughed, I even shed a tear at one point, and I thought the story truly encompassed what it's like to be a teenager trying to figure out who they are. Now, I can't speak from the lens of the MC who is trans as I am a cis-male, but I truly thought it provided a point-of-view that shows the trans experience in a way cis-people could ever see, and whether this was intended or not, it worked really well. What I got from it is: Your experiences are yours - and no one else's. No one can tell you whether you should be feeling more this or that in any situation.
[Very minor content spoiler - no deets - ahead]
I read a few of the reviews here and y'all, many reviewers are PRESSED about the content involving infidelity. Now, I obviously do not approve of this in real life - but y'all going to have a wake up call when you realize that it's PART OF LIFE. This will most likely happen if not to you, but someone you know in your life (if it hasn't happened already). This doesn't excuse it, but people can make bad decisions and make mistakes - it doesn't ultimately make them a bad person, especially when they're growing and learning how to just be a person. ESPECIALLY if a person look back on it with regret and realize that it was wrong. I find it interesting that these reviewers hold onto it like it's the be-all-end-all and pass judgement on the entire book for that reason. And hey, I'd be contradicting my earlier statement saying that "no one can tell you whether you should be feeling this or that", but objectively looking at the book at a whole, it's a fairly unreasonable way to judge the book. It's like if I picked up a book and it had cannibalism in it and I rated it 1-2 stars because I do not agree with cannibalism and it's so unforgivable.
It's a shame that those reviews contribute a lower rating, to what I can see objectively as an amazingly written, fun, loving, emotional and deep teenage trans experience.
LOVED this book!
June 17, 2023
Wyobraź sobie, że zamykasz oczy i przejeżdżasz palcami po klawiszach pianina, a każdy kolejny dźwięk odblokowuje w Twojej głowie piękno ukryte w "Nigdy do końca" Edwarda Underhilla.
Czujesz iskrzące się radość, nadzieję i czułość, a później dostrzegasz queerową historię o dojrzewaniu, relacjach i walce o siebie!
Arcydzieło literatury YA, które pokochasz!
To nie tylko tytuł idealny na Miesiąc Dumny, ale na każdy dzień rok, bo w przepiękny sposób opowiada, że jesteśmy wystarczający i warci szczęścia!
Czujesz iskrzące się radość, nadzieję i czułość, a później dostrzegasz queerową historię o dojrzewaniu, relacjach i walce o siebie!
Arcydzieło literatury YA, które pokochasz!
To nie tylko tytuł idealny na Miesiąc Dumny, ale na każdy dzień rok, bo w przepiękny sposób opowiada, że jesteśmy wystarczający i warci szczęścia!
January 4, 2023
A great story about gender euphoria and growing into yourself. The main character feels like such an authentic, real, trans teen. Hes still sorting out the kind of man he is and reminded me much of my teen years. I finished this a few days before the new year and it managed to make my fave reads of 2022 list. This book is such great trans rep that I hope many trans teens will get to read
June 22, 2023
dumne dziecko🥹
February 20, 2023
Thank you, NetGalley, for providing me with this book in exchange for my (brutally) honest review.
I am DISGUSTED, I am REVOLTED, I dedicate my ENTIRE LIFE to our lord and savior Jesus Christ, and THIS is the thanks I get?
I was ready to slog through the rest of this book, but at 67% I hit my breaking point and I just could not stand this book anymore. There's nothing wrong with it on a technical level, but it makes up for it in the appalling content. This book is terrible, and although the story itself is actually pretty good, what singlehandedly plummets it into a one-star rating is Miles. Miles is a toxic, worthless limp fish of a person who is the embodiment of a Gary Stu but without even the good qualities that most Mary Sues/Gary Stus have.
He is apathetic, an utterly terrible friend and literally (spoilers incoming) both emotionally and PHYSICALLY cheats on his boyfriend, but we're supposed to hate the boyfriend for being judgy. No, I'm not projecting that one. Here's the quote that made me quit: “Fuck Eric- he’s being judgy and unfair and jumping to conclusions- and also I really love him.” This was said directly after Miles kisses his ex-boyfriend in front of his current boyfriend who is unfortunate (honestly, more like fortunate if it means he realizes how he deserves better than an emotionally unavailable narcissist) enough to walk in and see it.
Not only are we supposed to root for this vile heartbreaking psychopath, but it took him literally cheating on someone who was absolutely everything he claimed to want to realize that he wants to stay faithful. News flash, Miles, you don't get to make that decision.
Everyone in this book falls over themselves to a ridiculous degree to do everything for Miles, and he gives them one word responses and only talks to them when he needs something. He completely ignores his friends (and boyfriend) when they're struggling, but expects everyone else to love and respect him.
I'm sorry, I really try not to be mean, but this book is awful. I regret the time I wasted on it. I need some Heartstopper as soon as humanly possible, so I can remember what healthy queer representation looks like. I do apologize just a little if this book ends with everyone hating Miles and it changing him for the better, but I hope you can forgive me for giving up on that possibility.
I am DISGUSTED, I am REVOLTED, I dedicate my ENTIRE LIFE to our lord and savior Jesus Christ, and THIS is the thanks I get?
I was ready to slog through the rest of this book, but at 67% I hit my breaking point and I just could not stand this book anymore. There's nothing wrong with it on a technical level, but it makes up for it in the appalling content. This book is terrible, and although the story itself is actually pretty good, what singlehandedly plummets it into a one-star rating is Miles. Miles is a toxic, worthless limp fish of a person who is the embodiment of a Gary Stu but without even the good qualities that most Mary Sues/Gary Stus have.
He is apathetic, an utterly terrible friend and literally (spoilers incoming) both emotionally and PHYSICALLY cheats on his boyfriend, but we're supposed to hate the boyfriend for being judgy. No, I'm not projecting that one. Here's the quote that made me quit: “Fuck Eric- he’s being judgy and unfair and jumping to conclusions- and also I really love him.” This was said directly after Miles kisses his ex-boyfriend in front of his current boyfriend who is unfortunate (honestly, more like fortunate if it means he realizes how he deserves better than an emotionally unavailable narcissist) enough to walk in and see it.
Not only are we supposed to root for this vile heartbreaking psychopath, but it took him literally cheating on someone who was absolutely everything he claimed to want to realize that he wants to stay faithful. News flash, Miles, you don't get to make that decision.
Everyone in this book falls over themselves to a ridiculous degree to do everything for Miles, and he gives them one word responses and only talks to them when he needs something. He completely ignores his friends (and boyfriend) when they're struggling, but expects everyone else to love and respect him.
I'm sorry, I really try not to be mean, but this book is awful. I regret the time I wasted on it. I need some Heartstopper as soon as humanly possible, so I can remember what healthy queer representation looks like. I do apologize just a little if this book ends with everyone hating Miles and it changing him for the better, but I hope you can forgive me for giving up on that possibility.
September 14, 2022
Huge thank you to NetGalley and St. Martin's Press & Wednesday Books for providing me with an eARC!
In the author’s notes, Underhill states that this is meant to be a story about joy and at its core, I truly felt every single ounce of that joy. There are pitfalls, pain, and a plethora of mistakes but it all encompasses that joy and happiness is within reach for everyone, regardless of what anyone else might think or believe. It’s a message that queer youths need and this is a beautiful example.
I absolutely adored Miles and I will protect him with everything I have. He’s not perfect, no one in this story is, but that’s what makes him feel that much more real. The struggle between who he was and who he is, if that person is the same or never was. I’ve never experienced the same struggles as Miles but I felt for him. I saw it so clearly through his eyes. He’s trying to find himself, find what brings him closest to his true self, and with that comes errors. That’s what it is to be human. Failure and discovery. It’s perfectly combined with his up and down feeling toward the piano, with the music itself mirroring his real life emotions.
I loved that the romance wasn’t completely at the forefront but blended into this journey of self discovery. Eric is questioning so much about himself and his story, along with Rachel and Paige’s, details perfectly how we can sometimes miss the pain of others when our own is overwhelming. The relationship between Miles and Eric was natural and I lived for the slow burn of it at the beginning, watching it slowly develop into something healthy and confident. It’s not without its problems but I think it only aided in bringing them closer. They’re communicative, sweet, and complimentary to each other the whole way through.
The entire world is this story felt so whole and like I was peering into someone’s life, a bystander to all
of these people coming into their own. Nothing will ever be perfect or exactly the way we imagine it might be but Miles finds himself, finds his identity among all of that. He’s such a rich character accompanied by a cast of friends and family that I found myself caring for.
It was truly a beautiful read and I think stories like these are exactly what is needed right now.
In the author’s notes, Underhill states that this is meant to be a story about joy and at its core, I truly felt every single ounce of that joy. There are pitfalls, pain, and a plethora of mistakes but it all encompasses that joy and happiness is within reach for everyone, regardless of what anyone else might think or believe. It’s a message that queer youths need and this is a beautiful example.
I absolutely adored Miles and I will protect him with everything I have. He’s not perfect, no one in this story is, but that’s what makes him feel that much more real. The struggle between who he was and who he is, if that person is the same or never was. I’ve never experienced the same struggles as Miles but I felt for him. I saw it so clearly through his eyes. He’s trying to find himself, find what brings him closest to his true self, and with that comes errors. That’s what it is to be human. Failure and discovery. It’s perfectly combined with his up and down feeling toward the piano, with the music itself mirroring his real life emotions.
I loved that the romance wasn’t completely at the forefront but blended into this journey of self discovery. Eric is questioning so much about himself and his story, along with Rachel and Paige’s, details perfectly how we can sometimes miss the pain of others when our own is overwhelming. The relationship between Miles and Eric was natural and I lived for the slow burn of it at the beginning, watching it slowly develop into something healthy and confident. It’s not without its problems but I think it only aided in bringing them closer. They’re communicative, sweet, and complimentary to each other the whole way through.
The entire world is this story felt so whole and like I was peering into someone’s life, a bystander to all
of these people coming into their own. Nothing will ever be perfect or exactly the way we imagine it might be but Miles finds himself, finds his identity among all of that. He’s such a rich character accompanied by a cast of friends and family that I found myself caring for.
It was truly a beautiful read and I think stories like these are exactly what is needed right now.
October 11, 2022
I hate when I have to rate an okay book lowly because I personally didn’t like it.
My personal star rating system goes off of how much I enjoyed a book. So an absolutely perfect book for someone else can have a low rating from me, and a book I adored can be one someone else doesn’t like.
One of the first things that frustrated me in this book was our main character, Miles, and his obsession over his ex boyfriend. Before Miles came out, he was dating Shane. But after coming out and beginning his social transition, Shane breaks up with him.
Now, I totally understand still having feelings for your ex, and I get that someone coming out as trans doesn’t mean they’re a different person. But the thing that frustrated me the most about this book was that Shane repeatedly tells Miles he’s not attracted to guys, and Miles never understands.
Let me put it in a metaphorical situation: Let’s say Miles, who is socially male, is dating Shane, a straight man. If someone comes up to Shane and asks if he is gay, Shane now has to either sit with the uncomfortable decision of being perceived as being attracted to a gender he isn’t or out Miles as trans. If Miles physically transitions as well, now Shane is forced to stay together with someone he does not find physically attractive. Either way, Miles coming out as trans changes the entire situation for Shane, and he has that right to tell Miles “I appreciate you and support you coming out as trans, but I’m not attracted to men.”
To put this into perspective, especially if you are a reader who doesn’t know me: Hi. I’m Kit. I’m nonbinary. I completely understand what Miles is going through re: being trans. I’m still on Shane’s side here.
I typically think, even for “unlikable main characters”, there has to be something that makes readers want to cheer a main character on. They can be disliked by their peers and the other characters in the book, but if they’re disliked by readers, no one will want to read their story. And I just wasn’t a fan of Miles.
I did, however, like this book when we focused on Eric and his part in this story. Completely taking out Shane, I would have rated this book four or five stars. The fake dating turning into actual dating was great. Eric’s younger sister having down syndrome and being treated no differently because of it was something I really enjoyed. Miles learning how to express himself through music and the fight to be better than Cameron in the piano competition was a fun plot.
But every time I thought Miles had moved on, the book suddenly veered towards Shane again. And my enjoyment for this book veered off as well.
My personal star rating system goes off of how much I enjoyed a book. So an absolutely perfect book for someone else can have a low rating from me, and a book I adored can be one someone else doesn’t like.
One of the first things that frustrated me in this book was our main character, Miles, and his obsession over his ex boyfriend. Before Miles came out, he was dating Shane. But after coming out and beginning his social transition, Shane breaks up with him.
Now, I totally understand still having feelings for your ex, and I get that someone coming out as trans doesn’t mean they’re a different person. But the thing that frustrated me the most about this book was that Shane repeatedly tells Miles he’s not attracted to guys, and Miles never understands.
Let me put it in a metaphorical situation: Let’s say Miles, who is socially male, is dating Shane, a straight man. If someone comes up to Shane and asks if he is gay, Shane now has to either sit with the uncomfortable decision of being perceived as being attracted to a gender he isn’t or out Miles as trans. If Miles physically transitions as well, now Shane is forced to stay together with someone he does not find physically attractive. Either way, Miles coming out as trans changes the entire situation for Shane, and he has that right to tell Miles “I appreciate you and support you coming out as trans, but I’m not attracted to men.”
To put this into perspective, especially if you are a reader who doesn’t know me: Hi. I’m Kit. I’m nonbinary. I completely understand what Miles is going through re: being trans. I’m still on Shane’s side here.
I typically think, even for “unlikable main characters”, there has to be something that makes readers want to cheer a main character on. They can be disliked by their peers and the other characters in the book, but if they’re disliked by readers, no one will want to read their story. And I just wasn’t a fan of Miles.
I did, however, like this book when we focused on Eric and his part in this story. Completely taking out Shane, I would have rated this book four or five stars. The fake dating turning into actual dating was great. Eric’s younger sister having down syndrome and being treated no differently because of it was something I really enjoyed. Miles learning how to express himself through music and the fight to be better than Cameron in the piano competition was a fun plot.
But every time I thought Miles had moved on, the book suddenly veered towards Shane again. And my enjoyment for this book veered off as well.
May 6, 2023
I received an ARC and I’m leaving an honest review.
It is not a light read: there’s constant deadnaming, misgendering and transphobia. But there’s also trans joy, with the main character, Miles, trying to understand who he is and finding a boyfriend who sees him for who he is. Something else I really liked was the fact that Eric was also a little confused about his gender, even if we ended up not really seeing that being explored.
Most of the joy part, however, was in the first half of the book and all the drama that happened after kind of cancelled (in my opinion) all the good things we saw. Yes Miles and Eric get back together at the end but only in the last two chapters, which made it hard for me to go back to the same feeling of joy I felt at the beginning of the book.
In general, I just wished it had been less drama and a little bit more joy (especially considering how some of that drama had been totally unnecessary)
It was going to be a five star read, but I have to take a whole star away for all the cheating.
I was willing to try to understand why Miles kissed Shane back and forget about it, but then Paige also went and cheated on Rachel which was so incredibly stupid and unnecessary, especially after she already saw the consequences of Miles’ kiss. Why was that plot point even necessary??
I think, in the end, what really bothered me wasn't even the Miles-Shane-Eric drama. Yes it was complicated, yes it was still cheating, and it all could have been avoided if Miles just communicated with Eric, but Miles still hadn't meant for that to happen, he didn't actually want to cheat on Eric. Paige, however... she knew damn well what she was doing. And I think that all of this bothers me even more because in the preorder gifts for the book there are two artworks (one for each couple), but Paige and Rachel are not a couple at all and they disastrously break up because of the cheating, so seeing the pretty art of them shown around as if to trick you into thinking there is going to be a cute sapphic relationship when in reality they're just toxic... well it felt a little icky to me (and again, totally unnecessary).
Actual rating: 3.75 stars
It is not a light read: there’s constant deadnaming, misgendering and transphobia. But there’s also trans joy, with the main character, Miles, trying to understand who he is and finding a boyfriend who sees him for who he is. Something else I really liked was the fact that Eric was also a little confused about his gender, even if we ended up not really seeing that being explored.
Most of the joy part, however, was in the first half of the book and all the drama that happened after kind of cancelled (in my opinion) all the good things we saw. Yes Miles and Eric get back together at the end but only in the last two chapters, which made it hard for me to go back to the same feeling of joy I felt at the beginning of the book.
In general, I just wished it had been less drama and a little bit more joy (especially considering how some of that drama had been totally unnecessary)
It was going to be a five star read, but I have to take a whole star away for all the cheating.
I was willing to try to understand why Miles kissed Shane back and forget about it, but then Paige also went and cheated on Rachel which was so incredibly stupid and unnecessary, especially after she already saw the consequences of Miles’ kiss. Why was that plot point even necessary??
I think, in the end, what really bothered me wasn't even the Miles-Shane-Eric drama. Yes it was complicated, yes it was still cheating, and it all could have been avoided if Miles just communicated with Eric, but Miles still hadn't meant for that to happen, he didn't actually want to cheat on Eric. Paige, however... she knew damn well what she was doing. And I think that all of this bothers me even more because in the preorder gifts for the book there are two artworks (one for each couple), but Paige and Rachel are not a couple at all and they disastrously break up because of the cheating, so seeing the pretty art of them shown around as if to trick you into thinking there is going to be a cute sapphic relationship when in reality they're just toxic... well it felt a little icky to me (and again, totally unnecessary).
Actual rating: 3.75 stars
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 10, 2023
Another favorite book of my older kids. Miles is sixteen and has two goals for the year. 1. To beat his rival at the Tri-State Piano Competition, and 2. To win back his ex-boyfriend. Miles Jacobson, a White trans boy from Wisconsin, had been dating Shane McIntyre for a year before Miles came out and Shane broke up with him. He believes that if Shane really loved him, his gender shouldn’t matter. Miles’ New Year’s resolution to win Shane back is complicated by the arrival of Eric Mendez, a cute Latina guy who actually is queer and also likes Miles. As Miles works toward his piano goals with Stefania Smith, his demanding new teacher, a romance blossoms with Eric, even though Miles still has Shane on his mind. The author makes it clear that this is a happy ever after queer story, and it does live up to that promise. The story captures the delight of being not just accepted, but better yet...being understood. It also shows that being misunderstood can cause pain that may take years to recover from, but sometimes can be carried an entire lifetime. Miles’ real triumphs are celebrated. Everything from him finding a decent suit that actually fits and doesn't make him "look like a well-dressed dork", to mastering a Tchaikovsky concerto. Miles is an absolute sweetheart that is so likable as he tries to discover who he is on his own terms...not based on what others think of him. The author has chosen to include Miles’ birth name. This could be in some cases uncomfortable, but it could also be realistic for someone early in their transition. The supporting characters are well done and fit perfectly in Miles' story.
March 22, 2023
I loved this, and in particular appreciated how it explored how confusing & hard navigating life can be after coming out as trans, EVEN WHEN most people in your life (mostly) accept and support you. How you navigate this battle with yourself where you both haven’t changed at all and have changed a lot. The scenes with Miles finding joy in his identity through his piano playing were so freaking powerful. Also impressive how so many different facets of queerness were explored in here through side characters as well.
There is also a LOT of Teens Making Extremely Poor Decisions in here, which is my favorite thing to read in YA because teens make extremely poor decisions in real life, too.
Also: OBSESSED with Stefania. I also felt a lot for Rachel throughout, perhaps because my own YA I’m currently writing focuses on a very Rachel-esque character (although mine is slightly more clueless lol).
Really well-written & a great accomplishment. Can’t wait to see what Edward writes next.
Read during the #transrightsreadathon.
There is also a LOT of Teens Making Extremely Poor Decisions in here, which is my favorite thing to read in YA because teens make extremely poor decisions in real life, too.
Also: OBSESSED with Stefania. I also felt a lot for Rachel throughout, perhaps because my own YA I’m currently writing focuses on a very Rachel-esque character (although mine is slightly more clueless lol).
Really well-written & a great accomplishment. Can’t wait to see what Edward writes next.
Read during the #transrightsreadathon.
February 16, 2023
Thank you to Wednesday Books for an eARC in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.
Crying over this forever.
Always the Almost is a YA romance that follows sixteen-year-old trans boy Miles Jacobson. Miles has just recently come out and transitioned which has brought a lot of changes to his life. He has two new years resolutions: win back his ex and beat his nemesis at the Midwest’s biggest classical piano competition. Things won’t be easy though, especially since Shane is ignoring him, and his piano teacher keeps telling him he’s playing like he doesn’t know who he is. Then Miles meets Eric Mendez, the new boy in town who’s a queer cartoonist. The two hit it off immediately.
This book is a love letter to queer teens. And musicians, especially queer musicians. The musical aspect of this book made me ache for my days in band, and piano class. Music has always been something to connect me with others, and I loved seeing Miles learn how to tell his story with the piano. It was incredibly beautiful.
This book is incredibly romantic, and I think it’s perfect it’s releasing on Valentine’s Day. The author gives us a promise in the beginning and Underhill definitely delivers with this book. The ending made me feel all the emotions. 100% a soft bitch by the end. Cannot recommend this one enough, add it to your TBR or cart today!
Crying over this forever.
Always the Almost is a YA romance that follows sixteen-year-old trans boy Miles Jacobson. Miles has just recently come out and transitioned which has brought a lot of changes to his life. He has two new years resolutions: win back his ex and beat his nemesis at the Midwest’s biggest classical piano competition. Things won’t be easy though, especially since Shane is ignoring him, and his piano teacher keeps telling him he’s playing like he doesn’t know who he is. Then Miles meets Eric Mendez, the new boy in town who’s a queer cartoonist. The two hit it off immediately.
This book is a love letter to queer teens. And musicians, especially queer musicians. The musical aspect of this book made me ache for my days in band, and piano class. Music has always been something to connect me with others, and I loved seeing Miles learn how to tell his story with the piano. It was incredibly beautiful.
This book is incredibly romantic, and I think it’s perfect it’s releasing on Valentine’s Day. The author gives us a promise in the beginning and Underhill definitely delivers with this book. The ending made me feel all the emotions. 100% a soft bitch by the end. Cannot recommend this one enough, add it to your TBR or cart today!
September 11, 2022
Before saying anything else I wanted to thank the publisher St. Martians Press Wednesday books and Netgalley for an Advanced Readers copy of the book.
“I am queer
I am trans
I am full of joy.”
Always the Almost was absolutely amazing, it was filled with joy and also extreme angst at times. There was a point where I was speed reading with a couple tears in my eyes because I could feel the way Miles felt. He’s kind of messy and makes mistakes that I have, and I wanted him to know it is going to be okay! I mean this is a YA romcom we've just got to wait it out, but in seriousness he felt like a real person. The way Miles had to grieve and wait out everything. I really liked from a writing standpoint that It wasn’t just, okay apologize and now everythings okay again! Miles has to go through the period of longingness that I found so relatable and real. I also really liked the writing style, and the rawness of emotion you could feel.
The main character Miles had more recently come out, and is dealing with what comes with that at school. The awkward and difficult name changes, stares from people and an ex-boyfriend. Pre-coming out Miles was dating one of the school's jocks, a football player and then after coming out they broke up. All while this is happening Miles is working on his piece for an upcoming piano competition that means everything to him. Shortly after breaking up with his ex, a new boy starts school, Eric and befriends Miles. He’s pretty, can draw and likes Miles for who he is. Eric is really amazing and I wish we got more from his point of view. I think a dual POV really could have added to the story, especially when the main conflict was going on.
The first part of the book was definitely my favorite, I will say if slowburn is your thing this may not be your favorite. But I loved it. Eric, a new boy at school that fully accepts Miles for who he is, and actually gets him. Eric is a big ball of joy and you can’t help but also want to be his friend. At around 60% the big conflict of the book happens, which was definitely drawn out and angsty (more than I thought it would be). It made me cry for sure watching Miles have to deal with his own actions.
I would highly recommend this book to fans of Mason Deaver's books or fans of Felix ever After by Kacen Calendar. I will be recommending this book from now on and I can’t wait for it to come out in February. Again thank you to the publishers.
“I am queer
I am trans
I am full of joy.”
Always the Almost was absolutely amazing, it was filled with joy and also extreme angst at times. There was a point where I was speed reading with a couple tears in my eyes because I could feel the way Miles felt. He’s kind of messy and makes mistakes that I have, and I wanted him to know it is going to be okay! I mean this is a YA romcom we've just got to wait it out, but in seriousness he felt like a real person. The way Miles had to grieve and wait out everything. I really liked from a writing standpoint that It wasn’t just, okay apologize and now everythings okay again! Miles has to go through the period of longingness that I found so relatable and real. I also really liked the writing style, and the rawness of emotion you could feel.
The main character Miles had more recently come out, and is dealing with what comes with that at school. The awkward and difficult name changes, stares from people and an ex-boyfriend. Pre-coming out Miles was dating one of the school's jocks, a football player and then after coming out they broke up. All while this is happening Miles is working on his piece for an upcoming piano competition that means everything to him. Shortly after breaking up with his ex, a new boy starts school, Eric and befriends Miles. He’s pretty, can draw and likes Miles for who he is. Eric is really amazing and I wish we got more from his point of view. I think a dual POV really could have added to the story, especially when the main conflict was going on.
The first part of the book was definitely my favorite, I will say if slowburn is your thing this may not be your favorite. But I loved it. Eric, a new boy at school that fully accepts Miles for who he is, and actually gets him. Eric is a big ball of joy and you can’t help but also want to be his friend. At around 60% the big conflict of the book happens, which was definitely drawn out and angsty (more than I thought it would be). It made me cry for sure watching Miles have to deal with his own actions.
I would highly recommend this book to fans of Mason Deaver's books or fans of Felix ever After by Kacen Calendar. I will be recommending this book from now on and I can’t wait for it to come out in February. Again thank you to the publishers.
December 1, 2024
Wisconsinites stay winning!
Got a bit disinterested with the insane amount of relationship and friendship drama that all dropped in the last quarter but the piano competition bits were gold and I loved seeing a side character with Down Syndrome who was so loved by everyone around her <3
Got a bit disinterested with the insane amount of relationship and friendship drama that all dropped in the last quarter but the piano competition bits were gold and I loved seeing a side character with Down Syndrome who was so loved by everyone around her <3
December 13, 2024
"Finding yourself, in spite of everyone else."
Thank you to Wednesday Books for providing me with an eARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review!
I loved a lot of things about this book, but I think what gets me the most is how YA it feels. I love a lot of things about queer YA: the messy characters, self-discovery, understanding of others, the unparalleled feeling of joy. But I think the true heart of why it means so much and why it is a genre that feels like home is that queer YA authors pour so much love into their books. And that is certainly true for Always the Almost.
So, what's it about? Always the Almost follows Miles, a pianist who's just come out as a trans guy to his friends and family. When New Year's comes around, he finds himself missing his ex-boyfriend, who broke up with Miles after he came out. Logically, as any (un)reasonable teenager would, Miles makes a resolution to win his ex back. He also decides that this year will be the time he beats his insufferable piano rival. Then when Miles comes back to school following winter break, he meets the new kid in town, Eric. Eric is everything Shane (the ex) was not. He's comfortably queer, understanding, intuitive, and cute in an entirely different way. He makes Miles feel things.
Always the Almost is a story about all those typical queer YA feelings; it's about feeling as if everything you do almost enough, but not quite there — like you can never truly be yourself. And while I am not trans myself, just this base feeling of always having to reach farther is something I can painfully relate to. And it also really warms my heart to think about all the trans kids who might pick up this book and see themselves in it — who might relate to Miles even more than I did.
I loved the progression of Miles' music throughout the book. I honestly felt Miles rise up to the challenge, and struggle to find himself in his piano playing. I loved watching his understanding and self-discovery influence his passion. It's such a real, beautiful thing to let your personality seep into your hobbies and passions.
I absolutely adored Eric. He was so understanding and caring, and he always knew what to say — or at least he always clarified. I loved his development as the love interest and supporting character for Miles' journey. Although I gotta say that I was not a big fan of Miles' friends. Maybe they reminded me too much of people I know in real life, or maybe they were just simply a lil too messy for even my messy heart. But I did really appreciate their respective life experiences and character arcs. They felt real, and they weren't perfect, but I could tell they cared. Maybe they weren't always the best friends to Miles, but we've all got our own problems to deal with.
And Miles. Oh, Miles. He made so many mistakes. Like, mistakes that I saw coming chapters ahead and wanted to just grip him by the shoulders and yell at him for. But that's kinda why I'm reading, isn't it? To see him mess up and come back from it. To see the "epic highs and lows" of... piano?? competitions??? (ok sorry, I'll stop now) But anyway I really liked him as a person and a protagonist, messy in everything he is.
Always the Almost is so joyful. It's a story of a gay trans guy. A story of a piano player. A story of a true teenager. It's a story about messing up and finding love and messing up again and coming back and doing it again, and again, and again. It's a story about understanding others as well as yourself. It's a warm hug to queer YA as a genre, and a read to make you smile. It's happiness in the face of darker moments. It's joy.
Content Warnings: transphobia, deadnaming, homophobia, bullying, mentions of racism, infidelity (kiss), gender dysphoria
November 7, 2022
Just like everyone else I was immediately in love with this book purely because of the cover and blurb so I was so excited when I got accepted for an ARC!
This coming of age novel with Trans rep absolutely stole my heart in the day or so I took reading it. So happy to see more trans rep in general but it was amazing here! Love that we got messy queer characters, (even if they annoyed me at times). I'm not not a huge fan of piano or classical music but I love how devoted Miles was and how he developed through this. He was a very real character and I loved that. On the topic of characters I did wish that the side characters got more development but eh. This is a truly beautiful read I'd recommend to fans of novels such as "I wish you all the best" (which is high praise because I adore that book).
Overall, I can't wait for this to officially come out and for everyone else to read it! I can't wait to see what else Underhill has in store.
This coming of age novel with Trans rep absolutely stole my heart in the day or so I took reading it. So happy to see more trans rep in general but it was amazing here! Love that we got messy queer characters, (even if they annoyed me at times). I'm not not a huge fan of piano or classical music but I love how devoted Miles was and how he developed through this. He was a very real character and I loved that. On the topic of characters I did wish that the side characters got more development but eh. This is a truly beautiful read I'd recommend to fans of novels such as "I wish you all the best" (which is high praise because I adore that book).
Overall, I can't wait for this to officially come out and for everyone else to read it! I can't wait to see what else Underhill has in store.
January 15, 2023
This was a 5 star prediction for me, and I'm a little sad that it's not quite there for me, but maybe I set my expectations too high after seeing so much hype surrounding this. This was still a really good read though, full of nuance and complexity. I just didn't feel as emotionally connected to it as I was hoping I would. I did love how Miles's playing piano intersected with how he was dealing with having just come out and trying to assert himself as who he really is. I do want to warn you if you're sensitive to transphobia that this has a lot of casually transphobic moments, so please be aware of that before you go in!
January 20, 2023
listen, i love a lot of the themes always the almost explored, but in the end i couldn't get past the amount of in this book. no matter how good it was to see such a loving and supportive love interest for a trans main character, it made me mad to the point where i personally can't recommend this book.
HOWEVER, i am excited to see what edward underhill writes next because this representation is SO needed and this book did have a lot of potential!
HOWEVER, i am excited to see what edward underhill writes next because this representation is SO needed and this book did have a lot of potential!
June 22, 2023
3.5/3.75⭐️.
W pewnych aspektach książka jest zbyt cukierkowa i przewidywalna, konstrukcyjnie typowa dla gatunku, ale czyta się dobrze (mimo małych potknięć w polskim tłumaczeniu) i… Eric - golden boy, ideał, jeden z tych nieistniejących książkowych chłopaków, których wszyscy byśmy chcieli mieć. 🥹💗
W pewnych aspektach książka jest zbyt cukierkowa i przewidywalna, konstrukcyjnie typowa dla gatunku, ale czyta się dobrze (mimo małych potknięć w polskim tłumaczeniu) i… Eric - golden boy, ideał, jeden z tych nieistniejących książkowych chłopaków, których wszyscy byśmy chcieli mieć. 🥹💗
October 8, 2025
the beginning of this book was solid but i wish the author didnt try to justify cheating & use the d slur 😁 there was no need for either of those things to happen 😁
February 14, 2023
“But just before the darkness goes too far––before the whole thing turns to tragedy––the sweetness returns. The music breathes and I breathe with it.”
What a heartwarming love letter to trans and queer joy!
This is a beautiful debut with important representation––so well written and with a cast of characters that are lovable, understanding, messy, and human; characters that are realistic.
I loved reading about Miles’ journey as he navigated his breakup, his transition, a new romance, and trying to find himself both in general and within music/piano. Setting the story during the leadup to a piano competition (with an intense piano teacher, too), an already stressful and heightened situation, was such a genius idea. The piano is an extension of Miles and every worry, fear, every moment of happiness and joy, is reflected in his piano playing. As someone who isn’t a musician but a huge fan, it’s always interesting to learn and read about music, and I just found it very lovely how interconnected and transformational playing the piano is for Miles. I wasn’t originally sold on his piano teacher, Stefania, originally, but she really saw Miles in a way none of the other characters did. She challenged him and became an integral part of his self-discovery, and I grew to really love and appreciate her as a character.
The friendships were beautiful as well. The love that Miles’ friends had for him was very palpable and sweet, and they wanted nothing more than to protect Miles at all costs (same). And, of course, Eric <3 my love.
I was surprised when I learned this was a debut. It’s so fleshed out. The writing style was very easy to jump into, and the characters were three-dimensional. This story is authentic and happy and lovely. Just an overall celebration of and love letter to queerness and being trans, and I love that this book exists.
Thank you to St. Martin’s Press/Wednesday Books and NetGalley for this eARC!! (:
What a heartwarming love letter to trans and queer joy!
This is a beautiful debut with important representation––so well written and with a cast of characters that are lovable, understanding, messy, and human; characters that are realistic.
I loved reading about Miles’ journey as he navigated his breakup, his transition, a new romance, and trying to find himself both in general and within music/piano. Setting the story during the leadup to a piano competition (with an intense piano teacher, too), an already stressful and heightened situation, was such a genius idea. The piano is an extension of Miles and every worry, fear, every moment of happiness and joy, is reflected in his piano playing. As someone who isn’t a musician but a huge fan, it’s always interesting to learn and read about music, and I just found it very lovely how interconnected and transformational playing the piano is for Miles. I wasn’t originally sold on his piano teacher, Stefania, originally, but she really saw Miles in a way none of the other characters did. She challenged him and became an integral part of his self-discovery, and I grew to really love and appreciate her as a character.
The friendships were beautiful as well. The love that Miles’ friends had for him was very palpable and sweet, and they wanted nothing more than to protect Miles at all costs (same). And, of course, Eric <3 my love.
I was surprised when I learned this was a debut. It’s so fleshed out. The writing style was very easy to jump into, and the characters were three-dimensional. This story is authentic and happy and lovely. Just an overall celebration of and love letter to queerness and being trans, and I love that this book exists.
Thank you to St. Martin’s Press/Wednesday Books and NetGalley for this eARC!! (:
Want to read
May 13, 202213.02.2022 a trans pianist resolves to win regionals and win back his ex, but a new boy complicates things; can't wait!
March 5, 2023
Sorry, but cheating’s not cute.
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