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How to Stop Trying: An Overachiever’s Guide to Self-Acceptance, Letting Go, and Other Impossible Things
An unflinchingly honest and sometimes hilarious look at hustle culture, exploring the forces that have shaped a generation of overachieving women who now find themselves in search of a better way forward.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m trying to make it work,” and thought, “That sounds like a great idea”? Probably not. Because the thing about trying is that it’s tiring; it’s labor. Anyone who has tried to have fun or to relax or to fall asleep knows this to be true.
And we exist within a culture that encourages us—often with a frantic urgency—to try, and try harder. We are told to try a different approach, try to do or be better, try to squeeze in a little bit more. This is especially true of women, who not only have to try harder than men to receive access to the same opportunities and resources, but who are also conditioned to try in the name of meeting others' needs and expectations, often at the expense of their own well-being.
In this galvanizing and illuminating read, Kate tackles hustle culture head-on, exploring the ways in which women are primed to become relentless strivers. From the workplace to motherhood, from relationships to “self-care”—no arena of a woman’s life is safe from the pressure to exceed expectations. This conflation of self-worth with achievement, she argues, is both toxic and counterproductive, as the qualities we most seek—happiness, meaning, purpose—are not earned but rather owned.
Known for her astute cultural analysis and pitch-perfect observations of generational trends, Williams takes readers on a journey rooted in her own struggle to divest from an overachieving identity, including the realizations that came in the wake of a painful fertility challenge. Deeply felt, passionately argued, and often laugh-out-loud funny, this is a book for every woman who has ever wondered what would happen if she stopped trying so hard—and just let go.
Have you ever heard someone say, “I’m trying to make it work,” and thought, “That sounds like a great idea”? Probably not. Because the thing about trying is that it’s tiring; it’s labor. Anyone who has tried to have fun or to relax or to fall asleep knows this to be true.
And we exist within a culture that encourages us—often with a frantic urgency—to try, and try harder. We are told to try a different approach, try to do or be better, try to squeeze in a little bit more. This is especially true of women, who not only have to try harder than men to receive access to the same opportunities and resources, but who are also conditioned to try in the name of meeting others' needs and expectations, often at the expense of their own well-being.
In this galvanizing and illuminating read, Kate tackles hustle culture head-on, exploring the ways in which women are primed to become relentless strivers. From the workplace to motherhood, from relationships to “self-care”—no arena of a woman’s life is safe from the pressure to exceed expectations. This conflation of self-worth with achievement, she argues, is both toxic and counterproductive, as the qualities we most seek—happiness, meaning, purpose—are not earned but rather owned.
Known for her astute cultural analysis and pitch-perfect observations of generational trends, Williams takes readers on a journey rooted in her own struggle to divest from an overachieving identity, including the realizations that came in the wake of a painful fertility challenge. Deeply felt, passionately argued, and often laugh-out-loud funny, this is a book for every woman who has ever wondered what would happen if she stopped trying so hard—and just let go.
256 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 11, 2025
25 people are currently reading
4469 people want to read
About the author
Kate Williams
5 books448 followersI'm the author of The Babysitters Coven trilogy (girls, magic, fashion, friendship, LOLs and dogs) and the thriller Never Coming Home (islands, influencers, bikinis, biscuits and gravy, and murder).
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 112 reviews
January 21, 2025
Kate, did you write this book for me?
How did you know I’ve always tried to overachieve because if you don’t, it seems like it’s a poor reflection on who you are as a person? I also worry about bathroom breaks when they may not be accessible or don’t give myself grace and mercy when I try to have it plentifully for others. And my gods, if we go out to dinner on my recommendation and it’s bad, you can find me hiding in said elusive bathroom just for suggesting it!
This title provides great examples as to why gals need to pause and ask themselves if what they are doing is feeding their souls or their anxieties.
Thank you for reminding us that our worth is more than what we do, our beauty is more than what we see, and my asking for help is not a burden to others.
I will not be buried under that pile of trash like Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout because someone else didn’t help take the garbage out.- Sara W.
How did you know I’ve always tried to overachieve because if you don’t, it seems like it’s a poor reflection on who you are as a person? I also worry about bathroom breaks when they may not be accessible or don’t give myself grace and mercy when I try to have it plentifully for others. And my gods, if we go out to dinner on my recommendation and it’s bad, you can find me hiding in said elusive bathroom just for suggesting it!
This title provides great examples as to why gals need to pause and ask themselves if what they are doing is feeding their souls or their anxieties.
Thank you for reminding us that our worth is more than what we do, our beauty is more than what we see, and my asking for help is not a burden to others.
I will not be buried under that pile of trash like Sarah Sylvia Cynthia Stout because someone else didn’t help take the garbage out.- Sara W.
January 10, 2025
This book wasn't meant for me.
I went into this book thinking it would be geared toward everyone — it was not. The author shared her experience as a woman and mother. And spoke to other women and mothers specifically.
I was a little disappointed initially and thought about putting the book down. But I realized it didn't have to be about me. I could learn about the unseen mental load of my wife. and I could hold the space for the intent of the book while finding nuggets for my own life.
Overall, a great read for those looking to remove "try" from their vocab.
I went into this book thinking it would be geared toward everyone — it was not. The author shared her experience as a woman and mother. And spoke to other women and mothers specifically.
I was a little disappointed initially and thought about putting the book down. But I realized it didn't have to be about me. I could learn about the unseen mental load of my wife. and I could hold the space for the intent of the book while finding nuggets for my own life.
Overall, a great read for those looking to remove "try" from their vocab.
September 6, 2025
There are some REALLY good bits in here, especially if you're a cis woman or AFAB individual. A lot of time is spent deconstructing how a lot of us were raised being told that we were responsible for everyone else's wellbeing, and the ways that upbring causes us to put ourselves last — or, when we do put ourselves first, we either 1) feel guilty, or 2) can only justify it because we believe it will allow us to be better caretakers afterward. It's so important that we learn how to love and value ourselves just for existing, not for being parents, spouses, caretakers, etc., and there were a lot of great points in this book that I plan to carry with me from now on.
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———
You can also find my reviews on…
→ booktube
→ bookstagram
→ hardcover
→ storygraph
→ threads
→ bluesky
→ blog
December 16, 2024
This was the perfect book to read for anyone needing to hear that it's OKAY to say no and prioritize your own self-care!! (Especially important this time of year)!
There are lots of self-help books out there but this one really resonated for me. In it the author talks about her experience with anxiety, depression, ADHD, loss and infertility (among other things), while also offering a social critique of the society of misogyny that girls and women grow up in that constantly tells them they aren't 'enough' and need to 'do better.'
Great on audio and full of so many important little truth bombs. I can see this being a book I go back and re-read again and again. HIGHLY recommended for fans of books like The good mother myth, More than enough and Find your unicorn space. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early audio copy in exchange for my honest review!
⚠️TW: mentions of miscarriages and infertility
Favorite quotes:
"True self-care is making sure your basic needs (sleep, food, movement) are met on a daily basis. Self-care is setting boundaries even when they make people uncomfortable so you're not doing more than you can sustain."
"Self-care is valuing yourself as you are now and allowing yourself to feel good even if you're not perfect."
"What is wrong is that we've been conditioned to believe that feeling bad about ourselves and our lives is normal."
There are lots of self-help books out there but this one really resonated for me. In it the author talks about her experience with anxiety, depression, ADHD, loss and infertility (among other things), while also offering a social critique of the society of misogyny that girls and women grow up in that constantly tells them they aren't 'enough' and need to 'do better.'
Great on audio and full of so many important little truth bombs. I can see this being a book I go back and re-read again and again. HIGHLY recommended for fans of books like The good mother myth, More than enough and Find your unicorn space. Many thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for an early audio copy in exchange for my honest review!
⚠️TW: mentions of miscarriages and infertility
Favorite quotes:
"True self-care is making sure your basic needs (sleep, food, movement) are met on a daily basis. Self-care is setting boundaries even when they make people uncomfortable so you're not doing more than you can sustain."
"Self-care is valuing yourself as you are now and allowing yourself to feel good even if you're not perfect."
"What is wrong is that we've been conditioned to believe that feeling bad about ourselves and our lives is normal."
January 16, 2025
I've been told my whole life to not worry about things while also being praised for going above and beyond. So which is it? Should I strive to be the best in hopes that is appreciated and recognized or do I stop caring and worrying about it? And can any overachiever actually stop trying so hard? I wanted to read this book because I will read anything that might help ease my anxiety about things often out of my control.
I read a review on this book from a male reader who initially felt like the book was not meant for him because it focused primarily on the mental load of women. I'm so happy that he went on to say that while that may be the case, he recognized that he could still learn something from the book. He was able to see the exhausted, never-ending pressure his wife was under. This review caused me to do some research. In the last 10 years, we have had many books directed to women on how they can stop letting societal pressures overwhelm them. But where are the books for society on not placing these pressures? A quick google search came up with very little with a major male focus. The only one that came up was meant for couples and emphasized how reading this book would improve their sex lives. Almost as if that is the only reason a male reader would find it worth reading. So if you are a male reader and you have women in your life, READ THIS BOOK AND OTHERS LIKE IT!!!
I definitely applaud the author for everything she says in the book because it is something we need to hear. Did it cure me? No! But...I believe that the more we consume/observe behaviors that are good for us, the more it will sink in. So maybe I won't wake up healed from my overachiever ways but I might be reminded next time I panic clean before someone comes over that I do not need to do this. Williams says in one part about how women (mostly) have been raised to believe a clean house is a direct reflection on them and how well they can keep house. Maybe this is why when someone is coming over, I stress out trying to clean every surface and my husband wants to clean the one room no one will go in.
The author also talks about pressures to be the best mom ever with a heartbreaking story on her breastfeeding/postpartum journey. She does talk about infertility and miscarriages so if you are sensitive to that topic right now, maybe wait to read the book.
The book shows that we can only change how we feel on these personal and public issues. The world will still judge. We just have to learn not to care. If anyone finds a way to actually do that, please let me know!
Some recent books I've read that I think might help: Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez and Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old by Brooke Shields
Kate Williams narrates the audiobook and her voice reminds me of listening to a friend tell me their struggles. I can hear how much heart she put into this and how much she wants to help others. Thank you to NetGalley, Kate Williams, Macmillan Audio and Flatiron Books for the opportunity to read it. I have written this review voluntarily and honestly.
I read a review on this book from a male reader who initially felt like the book was not meant for him because it focused primarily on the mental load of women. I'm so happy that he went on to say that while that may be the case, he recognized that he could still learn something from the book. He was able to see the exhausted, never-ending pressure his wife was under. This review caused me to do some research. In the last 10 years, we have had many books directed to women on how they can stop letting societal pressures overwhelm them. But where are the books for society on not placing these pressures? A quick google search came up with very little with a major male focus. The only one that came up was meant for couples and emphasized how reading this book would improve their sex lives. Almost as if that is the only reason a male reader would find it worth reading. So if you are a male reader and you have women in your life, READ THIS BOOK AND OTHERS LIKE IT!!!
I definitely applaud the author for everything she says in the book because it is something we need to hear. Did it cure me? No! But...I believe that the more we consume/observe behaviors that are good for us, the more it will sink in. So maybe I won't wake up healed from my overachiever ways but I might be reminded next time I panic clean before someone comes over that I do not need to do this. Williams says in one part about how women (mostly) have been raised to believe a clean house is a direct reflection on them and how well they can keep house. Maybe this is why when someone is coming over, I stress out trying to clean every surface and my husband wants to clean the one room no one will go in.
The author also talks about pressures to be the best mom ever with a heartbreaking story on her breastfeeding/postpartum journey. She does talk about infertility and miscarriages so if you are sensitive to that topic right now, maybe wait to read the book.
The book shows that we can only change how we feel on these personal and public issues. The world will still judge. We just have to learn not to care. If anyone finds a way to actually do that, please let me know!
Some recent books I've read that I think might help: Invisible Women by Caroline Criado-Perez and Brooke Shields is Not Allowed to Get Old by Brooke Shields
Kate Williams narrates the audiobook and her voice reminds me of listening to a friend tell me their struggles. I can hear how much heart she put into this and how much she wants to help others. Thank you to NetGalley, Kate Williams, Macmillan Audio and Flatiron Books for the opportunity to read it. I have written this review voluntarily and honestly.
March 16, 2025
I needed that.
Personal stories peppered with advice on how to stop trying unless you, not society, want to try.
Personal stories peppered with advice on how to stop trying unless you, not society, want to try.
March 19, 2025
More like 4.5 stars. First of all, Kate is amazing and I was so happy to get an advanced copy of this book! So this is the book that I really needed in this moment. I have always been a perfectionist and overachiever, whether that’s from being the first born daughter or, as it turns out, my ADHD. I was actually surprised to learn through this book that Kate was also diagnosed as an adult with ADHD! So yeah I related hard to this book and found a lot of the advice very helpful. It’s also helping me think about what I want to do with my career from now on and for the rest of my life. I also loved how she related a lot of society’s pressures on women to misogyny and the patriarchy. The only thing that kept this from getting 5 stars from me is how often she spoke of overachieving in terms of motherhood, which is a personal struggle of my own. Also, content warnings for fertility struggles and miscarriages. Overall, I will be recommending this to every woman I know. I received an advance review copy for free and I'm leaving this review voluntarily.
December 20, 2024
I was excited for this book; I'm right in the target demo and it sounded up my alley! Unfortunately, it was a disappointment. The author's advice and insights are all incredibly basic. I spent most of my time listening to this audiobook just feeling shocked that she didn't realize any of these things sooner. I was also immensely frustrated at how she did not acknowledge her own privilege. Not trying is a privilege! Some of us need to constantly keep trying in order to make money so we can afford to live!
I grew irritated that her perspective and solutions seemed so individualistic. I was screaming "CAPITALISM! THE SYSTEM IS THE PROBLEM!" the whole time. About halfway through the book, she started talking about how capitalism is a big part of the issue and I was like "finally!"
Once she dives into systemic issues, it got a bit better, but overall, I still found this pretty shallow and basic. I was also annoyed at the end when she started rambling about choosing to be spiritual. This book just wasn't for me and that's fine! She repeatedly mentions Gen X and millennial women as her audience, but I really think most millennial women will find this akin to the intro feminism of the Barbie movie. It felt very 2016 to me.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC!
I grew irritated that her perspective and solutions seemed so individualistic. I was screaming "CAPITALISM! THE SYSTEM IS THE PROBLEM!" the whole time. About halfway through the book, she started talking about how capitalism is a big part of the issue and I was like "finally!"
Once she dives into systemic issues, it got a bit better, but overall, I still found this pretty shallow and basic. I was also annoyed at the end when she started rambling about choosing to be spiritual. This book just wasn't for me and that's fine! She repeatedly mentions Gen X and millennial women as her audience, but I really think most millennial women will find this akin to the intro feminism of the Barbie movie. It felt very 2016 to me.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the ARC!
February 11, 2025
I can say wholeheartedly that I really liked this book.
Self-help/motivational books or something that’s not always easy to rate because everyone comes from a different background and will interpret and use this information differently. I really thought this author did a wonderful job at narrating and conveying her own book. And I thought her topics were valid and enjoyable, and her chapter names were witty and fun.
All in all, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that enjoys self-help, motivation, or is wanting an enjoyable read about a few topics that women face every day.
Self-help/motivational books or something that’s not always easy to rate because everyone comes from a different background and will interpret and use this information differently. I really thought this author did a wonderful job at narrating and conveying her own book. And I thought her topics were valid and enjoyable, and her chapter names were witty and fun.
All in all, I would definitely recommend this book to anyone that enjoys self-help, motivation, or is wanting an enjoyable read about a few topics that women face every day.
December 31, 2024
As a self proclaimed overachiever myself, I was pretty excited to get the chance to listen to this audiobook. Unfortunately, it kind of felt like it wasn't really intended for me. It reads more like a memoir about pregnancy and fertility issues than a guide for overachievers. I would say about 50% was memoir, 35% discussing the struggles of parents and mothers, 10% advice for mothers, 3% fun little quips, then about 2% actually intended for overachieving women without focusing on children.
Although I felt it wasn't really directed toward me, I do think it would be an excellent read for someone struggling with fertility issues or motherhood. The author did a great job narrating the audiobook. Overall it was good, just not quite what I expected.
Although I felt it wasn't really directed toward me, I do think it would be an excellent read for someone struggling with fertility issues or motherhood. The author did a great job narrating the audiobook. Overall it was good, just not quite what I expected.
March 25, 2025
I really enjoyed How to Stop Trying and found Kate Williams' insights both refreshing and thought-provoking. The audiobook is engaging, and Kate’s advice on letting go of perfectionism and unrealistic expectations is incredibly valuable. However, my only complaint is that the book focuses heavily on motherhood and parenting, rather than addressing a broader range of experiences for women in general. I was hoping for a more inclusive perspective, but despite that, the message is still powerful and worth listening to. If you're a mother struggling with the pressure to "do it all," this book will likely resonate deeply with you. Thank you to Macmillan Audio and Netgalley for the opportunity to listen to this advanced release audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
January 13, 2025
This was a pretty solid self-help book that provided a practical approach to letting go of certain societal expectations and harmful narratives that keep us constantly exhausted. I appreciated the systems-level perspective in the second half, recognizing that these issues are social/systemic and NOT our fault as individuals. While it mostly focused on sexism (and I was hoping it would dig deeper into other -isms), the occasional mentions of capitalism being a root cause and beneficiary of the current overachiever culture were spot on. This book felt honest and reasonable.
Where it fell short was in its lack of intersectionality, which could have brought it to the next level. The book was strictly from a white cishet, able-bodied, middle-to-upper-class female perspective, and that is the intended audience. Since the author dabbled in other people's experiences (a few examples of friends' situations), so much could have been gained by bringing in how the challenges referenced in the book are compounded if you are also Black, or trans, or disabled. I wouldn't expect the author to focus on identities that aren't hers, but adding in a few conversations with and examples from people with different identities could have made this book much more grounded and helpful for a larger audience.
Overall, I appreciated the recommendations and plan to incorporate them into my life when needed, but it would have been improved by reaching beyond white feminist narratives.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an early audiobook.
3.5 stars
Where it fell short was in its lack of intersectionality, which could have brought it to the next level. The book was strictly from a white cishet, able-bodied, middle-to-upper-class female perspective, and that is the intended audience. Since the author dabbled in other people's experiences (a few examples of friends' situations), so much could have been gained by bringing in how the challenges referenced in the book are compounded if you are also Black, or trans, or disabled. I wouldn't expect the author to focus on identities that aren't hers, but adding in a few conversations with and examples from people with different identities could have made this book much more grounded and helpful for a larger audience.
Overall, I appreciated the recommendations and plan to incorporate them into my life when needed, but it would have been improved by reaching beyond white feminist narratives.
Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for an early audiobook.
3.5 stars
April 16, 2025
Thanks Macmillan Audio for the free audiobook! 3.5 rounded to 4
How to Stop Trying tackles the hustle culture and cult of busyness that pervades modern life. It’s full of smart reminders and helpful reframes, especially for those who struggle with tying their worth to productivity (who doesn’t these days?).
That said, like many (most?) books that straddle the self-help/social science line, it probably could have been a Ted Talk instead of a 272 page book/6.5 hour audiobook. There are plenty of punchy, highly quotable snippets in this book, but a lot of the sections felt repetitive.
Audio: The audiobook is narrated by the author, which I always appreciate, and she did a fabulous job. Still, I wish I’d read it with my eyes so I had a physical copy to annotate. There are so many amazing reminders in this book that I just want to tattoo on my brain and now I can’t remember them all!
How to Stop Trying tackles the hustle culture and cult of busyness that pervades modern life. It’s full of smart reminders and helpful reframes, especially for those who struggle with tying their worth to productivity (who doesn’t these days?).
That said, like many (most?) books that straddle the self-help/social science line, it probably could have been a Ted Talk instead of a 272 page book/6.5 hour audiobook. There are plenty of punchy, highly quotable snippets in this book, but a lot of the sections felt repetitive.
Audio: The audiobook is narrated by the author, which I always appreciate, and she did a fabulous job. Still, I wish I’d read it with my eyes so I had a physical copy to annotate. There are so many amazing reminders in this book that I just want to tattoo on my brain and now I can’t remember them all!
January 26, 2025
The moment she said: "If anyone is going to save this world, and it needs to be saved, it's going to be women"
HELL YES.
The writing? Impeccable. The humor? Top tier. The advice? Real. The value? Priceless.
An excellent read for those who are looking for someone to tell them that " the sun will still rise even if you decide to stay in bed".
HELL YES.
The writing? Impeccable. The humor? Top tier. The advice? Real. The value? Priceless.
An excellent read for those who are looking for someone to tell them that " the sun will still rise even if you decide to stay in bed".
January 16, 2025
How To Stop Trying by Kate Willian
Audio Version
Overall Grade: B
Information: B-
Writing/Organization: B-
Narration: B+
Best Aspect: A good reminder that change is needed for many women and people need to stop comparing themselves to others.
Worst Aspect: Needed more example of how women can “stop trying” without quitting.
Recommend: Yes.
Audio Version
Overall Grade: B
Information: B-
Writing/Organization: B-
Narration: B+
Best Aspect: A good reminder that change is needed for many women and people need to stop comparing themselves to others.
Worst Aspect: Needed more example of how women can “stop trying” without quitting.
Recommend: Yes.
December 31, 2024
TW of miscarriage and infertility.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an early audiobook.
I loved how fast of a read this was and how well it gave the message that it's okay to say no to things. To slow down. That it's okay to prioritize yourself. This book is would probably have hit a little more for me if I had any desire for motherhood, which I don't, because that's also a big part of it. Being able to take care of yourself and balance that with taking care of your children. Some of the suggestions can definitely be taken as basic ones, but it helps to stop and think about these things once in a while.
Some of the writing style wasn't necessarily for me, but I think it'll be a great book for a lot of women.
Thank you to netgalley and the publisher for an early audiobook.
I loved how fast of a read this was and how well it gave the message that it's okay to say no to things. To slow down. That it's okay to prioritize yourself. This book is would probably have hit a little more for me if I had any desire for motherhood, which I don't, because that's also a big part of it. Being able to take care of yourself and balance that with taking care of your children. Some of the suggestions can definitely be taken as basic ones, but it helps to stop and think about these things once in a while.
Some of the writing style wasn't necessarily for me, but I think it'll be a great book for a lot of women.
December 14, 2024
I got this audiobook through NetGalley and it’s such a great, heartfelt message to millennial women. I love the permission to give yourself a break. The narrator is chatty and fun sounding. I didn’t love the discussion of unequal domestic labor, not because it’s not true but because this topic is one that saps my will to go on. But I really loved the book and I do recommend it.
December 12, 2024
Got an advanced copy from the publisher and couldn’t have read this at a better time. So good, so relatable. I needed this.
March 21, 2025
I gifted this self-help book to my wife, a female entrepreneur and business coach, as we both wanted to explore ways to balance her drive with self-acceptance. The book delves into the pressures of hustle culture, encouraging women to let go of relentless striving.
However, we were surprised by the lack of trigger warnings, discussing miscarriages and fertility challenges in chapter 1. As a gay woman who has chosen not to have children, my wife found these personal anecdotes difficult to relate to. Later chapters on breastfeeding, didn’t help the situation!
While we appreciated the inspirational tone, we were hoping for more actionable advice on how to "stop trying." The book's focus seemed more suited to moms or wanna-be-moms who struggle to know their worth and might find comfort in knowing they're not alone. Kate Williams' writing is engaging and honest, making it a valuable read for those who resonate with her experiences.
Thanks to @Netgalley and
@macmillan.audio for access to this advanced readers copy
However, we were surprised by the lack of trigger warnings, discussing miscarriages and fertility challenges in chapter 1. As a gay woman who has chosen not to have children, my wife found these personal anecdotes difficult to relate to. Later chapters on breastfeeding, didn’t help the situation!
While we appreciated the inspirational tone, we were hoping for more actionable advice on how to "stop trying." The book's focus seemed more suited to moms or wanna-be-moms who struggle to know their worth and might find comfort in knowing they're not alone. Kate Williams' writing is engaging and honest, making it a valuable read for those who resonate with her experiences.
Thanks to @Netgalley and
@macmillan.audio for access to this advanced readers copy
January 26, 2025
In How to Stop Trying, novelist Kate Williams blends memoir and self-help in the name of encouraging fellow Millennial and Gen-X women to let go of the try-hard, overachieving mindset that leaves so many of us feeling overburdened and dissatisfied with our lives. With anecdotes ranging from high-school swim team, to struggles with infertility, Williams shares her own experiences with perpetually feeling like she should be doing more. She delivers these personal stories—and the ahas that came with them—in an engaging and confessional style, one woman to another, resisting rah-rah positivity, and letting the occasional f-bomb fall where it may. It’s so refreshing and real.
I’m very much in the target audience for this book—midlife women, and more specifically Millennial and Gen X midlife women—and wow, did it ever resonate with me in a big way. Williams herself falls into this unique cohort of women, raised on overt messages of our equality with men and our power to do anything we can dream, while at the same time receiving subtler messages from enduring patriarchal realities, reminding us that actually, we’re not quite good enough, and our only hope of becoming good enough is to relentlessly people-please and put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. I mean, that pretty much sums it up for me. But Williams doesn’t wallow in this unfortunate collision of aspirations and reality. Instead, she embraces the idea of “a midlife awakening” for herself and finds hope in the prospect of living her second act in a way starkly different from the first—trying less, worrying less, and accepting her grown-ass-woman self more. And in sharing this vision, she makes this kind of shift feel possible for me, too.
I highly recommend listening to How to Stop Trying on audiobook, read by Kate Williams herself. Hearing her experiences and insights in her own voice definitely adds a layer of resonance to the book. And, side note, Williams’s voice reminds me of lot of singer/actress Carrie Brownstein, who feels like a perfect kindred Gen-X spirit to invoke.
My thanks to NetGalley and for providing me with a copy of How to Stop Trying in exchange for my review.
I’m very much in the target audience for this book—midlife women, and more specifically Millennial and Gen X midlife women—and wow, did it ever resonate with me in a big way. Williams herself falls into this unique cohort of women, raised on overt messages of our equality with men and our power to do anything we can dream, while at the same time receiving subtler messages from enduring patriarchal realities, reminding us that actually, we’re not quite good enough, and our only hope of becoming good enough is to relentlessly people-please and put everyone else’s needs ahead of our own. I mean, that pretty much sums it up for me. But Williams doesn’t wallow in this unfortunate collision of aspirations and reality. Instead, she embraces the idea of “a midlife awakening” for herself and finds hope in the prospect of living her second act in a way starkly different from the first—trying less, worrying less, and accepting her grown-ass-woman self more. And in sharing this vision, she makes this kind of shift feel possible for me, too.
I highly recommend listening to How to Stop Trying on audiobook, read by Kate Williams herself. Hearing her experiences and insights in her own voice definitely adds a layer of resonance to the book. And, side note, Williams’s voice reminds me of lot of singer/actress Carrie Brownstein, who feels like a perfect kindred Gen-X spirit to invoke.
My thanks to NetGalley and for providing me with a copy of How to Stop Trying in exchange for my review.
February 20, 2025
Thanks to Flatiron Books for the gifted ARC and Macmillan Audio for the gifted audiobook!
As a Type A firstborn with three kids and three jobs, I totally needed to read this. Overachieving woman? Yep that's me. HOW TO STOP TRYING is a look into how culture encourages us to always do MORE. It's heavy on motherhood and infertility, but is a good read for anyone who just does a lot or has an overachieving woman in their life. The takeaways for me were (1) caregiving is productive - literally you don't have to be doing something else other than sitting there with your kids playing a board game. That. is. productive. (2) Self-care isn't an achievement or something that needs to be earned, and your basic needs should be met daily. There are interesting takes on how we view our bodies and clean houses, and more, that are helping me think through and look at things differently. This is short and well worth the read or listen (it's narrated by the author!).
As a Type A firstborn with three kids and three jobs, I totally needed to read this. Overachieving woman? Yep that's me. HOW TO STOP TRYING is a look into how culture encourages us to always do MORE. It's heavy on motherhood and infertility, but is a good read for anyone who just does a lot or has an overachieving woman in their life. The takeaways for me were (1) caregiving is productive - literally you don't have to be doing something else other than sitting there with your kids playing a board game. That. is. productive. (2) Self-care isn't an achievement or something that needs to be earned, and your basic needs should be met daily. There are interesting takes on how we view our bodies and clean houses, and more, that are helping me think through and look at things differently. This is short and well worth the read or listen (it's narrated by the author!).
February 25, 2025
This book is the authors life and how she learned to have self acceptance, search for help to work through Post Partum and mental health and not let every day life suck the total life out of you. The beginning might be a trigger as it deals with miscarriages, ivf, and post partum depression.
She uses humor and her wit sharing her stories which are very relatable
While you will find hope from how she gets help for issues, you won't find follow up steps for "How to Stop Trying" that you can work through to make a change in your life. You will find permission to give yourself grace, prioritize your mental health and rest. You do have a right to be happy no matter what that looks like for you.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the audiobook arc.
She uses humor and her wit sharing her stories which are very relatable
While you will find hope from how she gets help for issues, you won't find follow up steps for "How to Stop Trying" that you can work through to make a change in your life. You will find permission to give yourself grace, prioritize your mental health and rest. You do have a right to be happy no matter what that looks like for you.
Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for the audiobook arc.
March 25, 2025
4/4.5 - I loved and needed this book. So much good stuff is shared, named, and unpacked here—from why we worry so much (and the harm it does), to why we’re programmed to constantly overachieve and be productive (and the harm THAT does), to self-acceptance and releasing guilt, and more. I wrote down so many quotes throughout that I hope to take to heart. At times more specifics around the author’s life were shared than I sometimes expected, including a lot related to infertility and other similar struggles, so be aware going in. Great on audio. Thanks Libro.fm for the ALC!
April 7, 2025
HOW TO STOP TRYING by Kate Williams resonates with me, and I highly recommend this one to anyone who feels they always need to say yes or do it all. It is not about not trying ever. It’s about forgiving ourselves for mistakes we make and learning to deal with disappointments that will be inevitable. It is not trying to control everything in your life. This book was written for everyone; but the author speaks to women, specifically in my age group. Several chapters I feel I could revisit.
I received this audiobook from @macmillan.audio — THANK YOU! The audio is absolutely fantastic and read by the author. I highly recommend!
I received this audiobook from @macmillan.audio — THANK YOU! The audio is absolutely fantastic and read by the author. I highly recommend!
July 19, 2025
3.5 stars. More of a memoir than a self help book, and it’s mostly focused on her baby makin’ issues. There are definitely a few gems in this book, but you gotta get past all the infertility discussion, and that’s not a subject I relate to or find interesting in a self help book.
ALSO: this is another cautionary tale. AS THE AUTHOR, PLEASE DON’T NARRATE THE AUDIOBOOK!!! Unless you have acting/voiceover experience, narrating is such a no no. This woman has horrible vocal fry, mispronounces so many words, and is just grating overall.
ALSO: this is another cautionary tale. AS THE AUTHOR, PLEASE DON’T NARRATE THE AUDIOBOOK!!! Unless you have acting/voiceover experience, narrating is such a no no. This woman has horrible vocal fry, mispronounces so many words, and is just grating overall.
January 15, 2025
The adorable cover grabbed my attention and the title was interesting, so I had to check it out. Normally self help isn’t my go-to genre, but in this case I was very intrigued.
The copy I had of this is the audio version from Macmillan audio and it was read by the author. Her diction and delivery were exceptional, which is always a nice surprise.
The book reads very much like a memoir, and the author is personable and interesting. Her writing style is clear and straightforward. She has some good insights. As an older adult woman, there was a lot in here for me to relate to. I found myself engaged and interested throughout the book.
I would seek out this author’s fiction titles, as well, because she’s a good writer. If she wrote another memoir, I’d probably read that, too, or listen to it if she narrated again. 😊
The copy I had of this is the audio version from Macmillan audio and it was read by the author. Her diction and delivery were exceptional, which is always a nice surprise.
The book reads very much like a memoir, and the author is personable and interesting. Her writing style is clear and straightforward. She has some good insights. As an older adult woman, there was a lot in here for me to relate to. I found myself engaged and interested throughout the book.
I would seek out this author’s fiction titles, as well, because she’s a good writer. If she wrote another memoir, I’d probably read that, too, or listen to it if she narrated again. 😊
March 12, 2025
Step one: Stop trying. Step two: Keep reading anyway.
This book is a fascinating mix of “rage against the machine” and “but actually, you put yourself in the machine, so…” The author goes hard against misogyny and capitalism, yet repeatedly reminds us that all the pressure we feel is self-imposed. So which is it? Are we victims of society, or are we just really bad at saying no to extra work emails? The answer, apparently, is yes.
The writing is engaging, often funny, and occasionally thought-provoking—until you hit a sentence that makes you side-eye the page. Case in point: a passing mention of a MAGA-hat-wearing uncle making an offensive comment. The issue? The comment was genuinely rude, but bringing up the hat felt like an unnecessary political jab. I’m here for a discussion on personal growth, not a reminder of my Thanksgiving dinner trauma.
Overall, there’s some solid advice buried under layers of contradictions and social commentary. If you can get past the mixed messaging and occasional off-putting asides, you might walk away with some useful insights. Just don’t try too hard to make sense of it all—ironically, that’s kind of the point.
This book is a fascinating mix of “rage against the machine” and “but actually, you put yourself in the machine, so…” The author goes hard against misogyny and capitalism, yet repeatedly reminds us that all the pressure we feel is self-imposed. So which is it? Are we victims of society, or are we just really bad at saying no to extra work emails? The answer, apparently, is yes.
The writing is engaging, often funny, and occasionally thought-provoking—until you hit a sentence that makes you side-eye the page. Case in point: a passing mention of a MAGA-hat-wearing uncle making an offensive comment. The issue? The comment was genuinely rude, but bringing up the hat felt like an unnecessary political jab. I’m here for a discussion on personal growth, not a reminder of my Thanksgiving dinner trauma.
Overall, there’s some solid advice buried under layers of contradictions and social commentary. If you can get past the mixed messaging and occasional off-putting asides, you might walk away with some useful insights. Just don’t try too hard to make sense of it all—ironically, that’s kind of the point.
March 20, 2025
A validating book. I enjoyed it
I am her, she is me ❤️ 🤪
I am her, she is me ❤️ 🤪
April 15, 2025
“Because here’s the thing about trying: it’s tiring.”
4 ⭐️
This has great advice that I needed to hear. Highly recommend.
⚠️ TW: Miscarriage
4 ⭐️
This has great advice that I needed to hear. Highly recommend.
⚠️ TW: Miscarriage
May 4, 2025
4.5 stars
We could be friends
We could be friends
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