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The Love Song of Jonny Valentine
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304 pages, Hardcover
First published February 4, 2013
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About the author
Teddy Wayne
14 books458 followersTeddy Wayne is the author of the novels "The Winner" (2024), "The Great Man Theory" (2022), "Apartment" (2020), "Loner" (2016), "The Love Song of Jonny Valentine" (2013) and "Kapitoil" (2010) and is the recipient of a Whiting Writers' Award, an NEA Creative Writing Fellowship, the PEN/Robert W. Bingham Prize runner-up, and a finalist for the Young Lions Fiction Award finalist and the Dayton Literary Peace Prize.
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October 3, 2024
Jonny Valentine is an almost-twelve-year old pop star. It does not take the character’s iconic haircut to let us know who the model for his character is. Jonny faces the problem that has daunted royalty, state leaders, and top-tier artists forever. While he may have an out-sized talent and while he may enjoy some perks beyond the reach of most of us, his actual life is rather pint-sized.
Teddy Wayne - image from Mandatory
Jonny is managed by his mother, late of a job at Schnuck’s (yes, really) supermarket in Saint Louis, and determined never to return. She has some control and substance issues. JV considers his bodyguard, Walter, who is a pretty sweet guy, to be his best friend, which says something. He is also genuinely talented and is dedicated to his work, doing his best to give his fans what they came to see, and working off the extra ounces of chub that appear on his frame from time to time. He has mastered the patois of celebrity interviewing with the confidence of a Crash Davis. So, what about his childhood? It’s kinda tough to fit one in, between touring, recording, making appearances, training, studying, and the like. He wrestles with the possibility of taking a break from the celeb life to go to school like a real boy.
Jonny’s primary entertainment is the role-playing video game Zenon. It is even in his contract that, while on tour, every hotel room he stays in has to have Zenon, installed and ready to go. He spends much of his free time playing. However, despite the quality gaming access, unlike most kids his age, he has considerable difficulty gaining access to an actual computer. This is a result of his mother’s need to control, and probably a reality based desire to spare him the sort of slings and arrows typically launched against anyone famous. Brangelina might be able to laugh it all off, but hey, this kid is only eleven years old. One night, with Mom out and about, Jonny wrangles access to her machine and finds a mysterious query. It looks to be from his father, long MIA. Is it really him or some faker, maybe a pedophile? They seem to be legion in this world, BTW.
This is the primary thread for the novel, Jonny’s quest to connect with his father. There are other threads, or threats, as well. Physical maturation for one. Jonny has just gotten his first zit, among other bodily changes. He is quite eager for his bod to mature, but one wonders what that might mean for his career. With attendance at Jonny’s concerts beginning to sag, drastic measures are considered and Jonny is faced with existential career choices.
We get to see how this child star is marketed, sometimes in painful, if enlightening detail
Another recurring image is JV’s video game. In the absence of an actual life, Zenon becomes the primary frame of reference through which he tries to interpret the world. For example, while visiting a hospital burn unit
One way of looking at this coming-of-age tale is to see it as being about mythology, how contemporary mythology is created, managed, massaged into the best possible form. Jonny is busy creating a mythos around his public persona, from controlling every ounce of weight on his body to planning which packaged remarks to slip in to his performances to give an illusion of spontaneity. His managers and instructors are all concerned about maintaining his public image. In walking this path, Jonny has to descend from his show-biz Olympus in order to deal in a real way with people, but the distance created has grown too large. His relationships with girls are based on mythology. A groupie deals with him as a thing not a person. And the star child-actress with whom he is placed into a celeb-date situation is very different in person from the persona she projects to the world. She is playing the same image game. It is all about the myth and not at all about substance. Jonny has an image, a myth about his father, and whether that is true or not, it is the image, the myth, that offers him motivation to continue his quest. Even those who threaten Jonny and others like him, react to the image they have of Jonny and know nothing of the actual person. TV is maybe the best known creator of mythology these days, and it is easy to see it’s hard out there for a myth. When Jonny stumbles in sustaining his myth during an interview the maintenance crew comes in and tries to restore the image to what it should be. A corporate sort at Jonny’s label is also focused on mythology, or image, looking to make that image more appealing to an older demographic. Jonny’s daily engagement with Zenon allows him to engage in a mythological battle that informs how he sees the actual concrete world. Just like the rest of us. He wonders how his in-game avatar might handle a situation instead of asking, say, what would Jesus do?
I liked this book a lot. It offered a look at a world with which I am completely unfamiliar. This is not an environment that I particularly care about, so the fact that Wayne captured and held my interest for the duration and offered up a lot of detail about that place speaks to his power as a novelist. I learned stuff, and that is always a happy statement to make.
The book is rich with snappy observations. I do not possess the knowledge to judge their accuracy, but they sound reasonable from here. Here are some of my favorites:
My one gripe with the book is that Jonny seemed, at times, much too knowledgeable for a person his age. I suppose it is conceivable that he might know most of what is attributed to him, but I was not 100% convinced of that. Nevertheless, The Love Song of Jonny Valentine, which was released, cutely, in February 2013, is more than a mere holiday confection. It offers a sometimes heart-breaking look at growing up. You will never look at Justin Bieber in the same way again, or any of the other child pop stars who will surely succeed him.
BTW, should you read this book, you may never be able to make a tuna sandwich or egg salad without having a certain image arrive unbidden to your consciousness. I’m just sayin’.
=============================EXTRA STUFF
Links to the author’s personal, Twitter and FB pages
He is adapting Jonny for HBO
January 28, 2013 - Michiko Kakatani's NY Times review
Teddy Wayne - image from Mandatory
Jonny is managed by his mother, late of a job at Schnuck’s (yes, really) supermarket in Saint Louis, and determined never to return. She has some control and substance issues. JV considers his bodyguard, Walter, who is a pretty sweet guy, to be his best friend, which says something. He is also genuinely talented and is dedicated to his work, doing his best to give his fans what they came to see, and working off the extra ounces of chub that appear on his frame from time to time. He has mastered the patois of celebrity interviewing with the confidence of a Crash Davis. So, what about his childhood? It’s kinda tough to fit one in, between touring, recording, making appearances, training, studying, and the like. He wrestles with the possibility of taking a break from the celeb life to go to school like a real boy.
Jonny’s primary entertainment is the role-playing video game Zenon. It is even in his contract that, while on tour, every hotel room he stays in has to have Zenon, installed and ready to go. He spends much of his free time playing. However, despite the quality gaming access, unlike most kids his age, he has considerable difficulty gaining access to an actual computer. This is a result of his mother’s need to control, and probably a reality based desire to spare him the sort of slings and arrows typically launched against anyone famous. Brangelina might be able to laugh it all off, but hey, this kid is only eleven years old. One night, with Mom out and about, Jonny wrangles access to her machine and finds a mysterious query. It looks to be from his father, long MIA. Is it really him or some faker, maybe a pedophile? They seem to be legion in this world, BTW.
This is the primary thread for the novel, Jonny’s quest to connect with his father. There are other threads, or threats, as well. Physical maturation for one. Jonny has just gotten his first zit, among other bodily changes. He is quite eager for his bod to mature, but one wonders what that might mean for his career. With attendance at Jonny’s concerts beginning to sag, drastic measures are considered and Jonny is faced with existential career choices.
We get to see how this child star is marketed, sometimes in painful, if enlightening detail
we always want to have as much control as possible over my image, but the Lisa Pinto [a child actress with whom Jonny is set up for a PR faux date] exposure made sense from a packaging-strategy perspective, since even if it was driving off some of the fat girls, it would bring in more of the pretty girls, and if they liked me then the fat girls would like me more to try to be like the pretty girls, plus the pretty girls would bring their boyfriends to my concerts, which effectively doubled gate receipts and they also had to buy them crap merch to make them happy, but the fat girls didn’t have boyfriends. They had to buy the crap merch for themselves to feel happier. But Jane says we’re in the business of making fat girls feel like they’re pretty for a few hours and that most pretty girls are afraid other people think they’re fat anyway, so maybe it’s all the same.There is so much in here about the life under scrutiny that I could feel the walls closing in just reading it. For Jonny it really is lonely at the top. Wayne offers us a couple of parallel lines, tracks on which Jonny’s train heads towards its destination. JV has a tutor and the primary subject he is working on is slavery. He is much taken with The Confessions of Nat Turner, has to write a report on it. This element continues through the story, reminding us every now and again that Jonny, while hardly a slave, spends his days in chains of a different sort.
Another recurring image is JV’s video game. In the absence of an actual life, Zenon becomes the primary frame of reference through which he tries to interpret the world. For example, while visiting a hospital burn unit
everyone in this unit and in the whole hospital was like a character whose body was damaged bad in Zenon and couldn’t hardly walk anymore and what didn’t kill them did not make them stronger.Later
When you can do whatever you want vocally and everyone in the stadium knows it, it’s like getting the invincibility potion in Zenon.I was reminded of the teens in The Round House seeing the world through the lens of Star Trek NG. Jonny begins at a certain level, and advances through levels as he faces sundry challenges in real life, reaching the top tier at the story’s climax. We can see the challenges Jonny faces in the real world reflected in his video game existence. It is a nice bit of craft. And could be a key to unlocking the whole book.
One way of looking at this coming-of-age tale is to see it as being about mythology, how contemporary mythology is created, managed, massaged into the best possible form. Jonny is busy creating a mythos around his public persona, from controlling every ounce of weight on his body to planning which packaged remarks to slip in to his performances to give an illusion of spontaneity. His managers and instructors are all concerned about maintaining his public image. In walking this path, Jonny has to descend from his show-biz Olympus in order to deal in a real way with people, but the distance created has grown too large. His relationships with girls are based on mythology. A groupie deals with him as a thing not a person. And the star child-actress with whom he is placed into a celeb-date situation is very different in person from the persona she projects to the world. She is playing the same image game. It is all about the myth and not at all about substance. Jonny has an image, a myth about his father, and whether that is true or not, it is the image, the myth, that offers him motivation to continue his quest. Even those who threaten Jonny and others like him, react to the image they have of Jonny and know nothing of the actual person. TV is maybe the best known creator of mythology these days, and it is easy to see it’s hard out there for a myth. When Jonny stumbles in sustaining his myth during an interview the maintenance crew comes in and tries to restore the image to what it should be. A corporate sort at Jonny’s label is also focused on mythology, or image, looking to make that image more appealing to an older demographic. Jonny’s daily engagement with Zenon allows him to engage in a mythological battle that informs how he sees the actual concrete world. Just like the rest of us. He wonders how his in-game avatar might handle a situation instead of asking, say, what would Jesus do?
I liked this book a lot. It offered a look at a world with which I am completely unfamiliar. This is not an environment that I particularly care about, so the fact that Wayne captured and held my interest for the duration and offered up a lot of detail about that place speaks to his power as a novelist. I learned stuff, and that is always a happy statement to make.
The book is rich with snappy observations. I do not possess the knowledge to judge their accuracy, but they sound reasonable from here. Here are some of my favorites:
Coastal [media] never probes when you bring up religion, because the risk of controversy is too bigJonny is not without his flaws. He gives in to some less than admirable temptations, taking advantage of the privileges associated with celebrity, and, of course, having to pay a PR price, at times. Giving him some texture makes him human as does his real disappointment at the loss of some of the things he had in his life prior to becoming famous. Whatever his flaws, Jonny is a likeable and relatable character, even for an old buzzard like me. He takes on some serious challenges, learns something of the world, overcomes or not, but certainly grows.
TV people were paparazzi with fancier job titles
A celeb is only a celeb if you remember them. It’s like we disappear if no one is paying attention. We think we have all the power, but it’s actually the public who decides, just like with politicians. Except it’s really the record and movie execs and probably a few guys in a room in Washington, D.C. who control the purse strings and give the public the next number-one Billboard singer and movie star and president, but they make it seem like the public chose it so no one gets too upset
the audience was pretending to text and singing along with “U R Kewt” so loudly that I couldn’t hardly hear the band or my own vocals, which made me pissed. If they actually cared about hearing me sing they’d let me sing, but it’s really all for them, which is why like eighty percent of pop lyrics are about you, not her or an actual name, so the listeners can pretend it’s them.
You can’t challenge the listener that much, but if you only give them what they already know, you might have quick commercial success but no rotation stamina. And if it’s too complex, you don’t like it till you’ve heard it a few times, and it’s more important than ever to hook listeners within the first seven seconds or they switch to the next video on YouTube or the next song on the radio.
My one gripe with the book is that Jonny seemed, at times, much too knowledgeable for a person his age. I suppose it is conceivable that he might know most of what is attributed to him, but I was not 100% convinced of that. Nevertheless, The Love Song of Jonny Valentine, which was released, cutely, in February 2013, is more than a mere holiday confection. It offers a sometimes heart-breaking look at growing up. You will never look at Justin Bieber in the same way again, or any of the other child pop stars who will surely succeed him.
BTW, should you read this book, you may never be able to make a tuna sandwich or egg salad without having a certain image arrive unbidden to your consciousness. I’m just sayin’.
=============================EXTRA STUFF
Links to the author’s personal, Twitter and FB pages
He is adapting Jonny for HBO
January 28, 2013 - Michiko Kakatani's NY Times review
March 13, 2017
Some combination of hearing "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" 5 or 6 times in one day plus reading everyone's raves about Teddy Wayne's most recent book, Loner, caused me to make The Love Song of Jonny Valentine my first novel of 2017. It turned out to be a stellar decision on my part if I do say so myself.
So many times I hear people on Goodreads saying things like "I just couldn't finish this book! It's well written, but it just didn't hold my attention," or "This book was well written, but I just couldn't care about any of the characters." Well, guess what: If a book doesn't hold your attention or if you can't care about any of the characters, that book is not actually well written. There's more to good writing than just putting all the words in the right order. As for me, I want it all: I want the words to be in the right order, yes, but I also want good characters. I want to laugh. I want to be genuinely moved in some way or another. AND, I want to be completely absorbed in the narrative. I want to not want to put the book down and to be excited to get back to it. I want that every time, even though I know I won't always get it.
Jonny Valentine delivered on all of these counts. I initially thought this novel was about a teenage Justin Bieberesque pop star; instead, it turned out the eponymous crooner was only eleven years old (almost twelve, he reminds us often). I usually shy away from books told from a kid's point of view because the voice is so hard to get right, but in this case it was totally perfect. Jonny is an unreliable narrator in the way an eleven-year-old must always be, but Wayne's ability to stay in this kid's head while at the same time including enough details so that an adult can figure out what's really going on was awesomely deft and focused. It made for a lot of humorous moments, but even more importantly, I really cared about the kid and wanted him to be okay. I was totally invested. I was still thinking about Jonny Valentine the day after I finished the book, and I still think about him sometimes, as if he were a real person. We all know how rare that is. I guess it's too early to say I've read my best novel of 2017, but if I haven't, I'm really excited to see what amazing book is going to be able to match or surpass The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
So many times I hear people on Goodreads saying things like "I just couldn't finish this book! It's well written, but it just didn't hold my attention," or "This book was well written, but I just couldn't care about any of the characters." Well, guess what: If a book doesn't hold your attention or if you can't care about any of the characters, that book is not actually well written. There's more to good writing than just putting all the words in the right order. As for me, I want it all: I want the words to be in the right order, yes, but I also want good characters. I want to laugh. I want to be genuinely moved in some way or another. AND, I want to be completely absorbed in the narrative. I want to not want to put the book down and to be excited to get back to it. I want that every time, even though I know I won't always get it.
Jonny Valentine delivered on all of these counts. I initially thought this novel was about a teenage Justin Bieberesque pop star; instead, it turned out the eponymous crooner was only eleven years old (almost twelve, he reminds us often). I usually shy away from books told from a kid's point of view because the voice is so hard to get right, but in this case it was totally perfect. Jonny is an unreliable narrator in the way an eleven-year-old must always be, but Wayne's ability to stay in this kid's head while at the same time including enough details so that an adult can figure out what's really going on was awesomely deft and focused. It made for a lot of humorous moments, but even more importantly, I really cared about the kid and wanted him to be okay. I was totally invested. I was still thinking about Jonny Valentine the day after I finished the book, and I still think about him sometimes, as if he were a real person. We all know how rare that is. I guess it's too early to say I've read my best novel of 2017, but if I haven't, I'm really excited to see what amazing book is going to be able to match or surpass The Love Song of Jonny Valentine.
September 17, 2016
Meet Justin Bi... oops, I mean Jonny Valentine.
★★★½
The Love Song of Jonny Valentine is a standalone, literary fiction novel written by Teddy Wayne. Jonny Valentine is an eleven-year-old pop star. He started out on YouTube, he has a signature hair style, a momanger, and a deadbeat dad. There's also some romantic photo ops with Hispanic celebrity peer Lisa Pinto. It was damned hard to read this without picturing the Biebs. That was the point though.
Mr. Wayne excelled at creating a voice that was effortless to empathize with. Being famous is far from fun for this child star. He's isolated, limited, and pushed hard. For a kid you would think doesn't want for anything, he has so many dreams he wants to fulfill. From advancing in his favorite video game to finding a meaningful father/son relationship with someone, his youthful innocence shines. Mr. Wayne also follows the mother's life and professional/personal relationships from Jonny's perspective which was equally interesting. The mother/child dynamic was pretty sad though - manager first and mother second. This kid is truly alone.
The Love Song of Jonny Valentine was an original and engaging coming-of-age story that I enjoyed. Believe me, you don't have to be a fan of Justin Bieber to like this book. Although Mr. Wayne did his fair share of research on the Bieber family, this book is absolutely a work of fiction and apparently meant to be satirical in nature. Check it out and get ready for a new perspective on what fame feels like.
Note: I had a problem with
My favorite quote:
"It’s not the internet that makes people stupid and annoying, they were always stupid and annoying. Now it’s in our face."
★★★½
The Love Song of Jonny Valentine is a standalone, literary fiction novel written by Teddy Wayne. Jonny Valentine is an eleven-year-old pop star. He started out on YouTube, he has a signature hair style, a momanger, and a deadbeat dad. There's also some romantic photo ops with Hispanic celebrity peer Lisa Pinto. It was damned hard to read this without picturing the Biebs. That was the point though.
Mr. Wayne excelled at creating a voice that was effortless to empathize with. Being famous is far from fun for this child star. He's isolated, limited, and pushed hard. For a kid you would think doesn't want for anything, he has so many dreams he wants to fulfill. From advancing in his favorite video game to finding a meaningful father/son relationship with someone, his youthful innocence shines. Mr. Wayne also follows the mother's life and professional/personal relationships from Jonny's perspective which was equally interesting. The mother/child dynamic was pretty sad though - manager first and mother second. This kid is truly alone.
The Love Song of Jonny Valentine was an original and engaging coming-of-age story that I enjoyed. Believe me, you don't have to be a fan of Justin Bieber to like this book. Although Mr. Wayne did his fair share of research on the Bieber family, this book is absolutely a work of fiction and apparently meant to be satirical in nature. Check it out and get ready for a new perspective on what fame feels like.
Note: I had a problem with
My favorite quote:
"It’s not the internet that makes people stupid and annoying, they were always stupid and annoying. Now it’s in our face."
April 3, 2013
Jonny Valentine is eleven (“almost twelve”) years old, a virtual overnight youtube sensation with a signature haircut that makes the girls swoon, and love song after love song. Jonny’s mother, Jane, has traded in her former job working at a dingy grocery store in a less than perfect dream-come-true neighborhood to be Jonny’s Mommager, umm, Manager. Jonny calls her Jane and he believes in her, he listens to her advice, even if he might grumble a bit now and then. Jonny’s dad is gone, gone so long that Jonny’s memories of him are gone, as well.
Jonny Valentine goes from tour bus to hotel to stage to private tutor and bodyguard and an entourage of people he feels responsible for. He can’t really give himself a break, an off day, because he has all these adults depending on him. He’s rarely in one place for very long, hasn’t seen his only friend in years and his days are spent either with Jane or Walter or occasionally with one of the others in his entourage. Typically, he’s most often alone, playing video games in his hotel room, which is always set up with his system of choice and his game(s) of choice. Not only can Jonny spell rider, but he knows what one is, how to finagle one (Jane) and knows when enough if enough. And Jonny has enough of everything. Everything except, perhaps, a Dad. His Dad.
A lot of comments have been made about Jonny’s dialogue being beyond his years, making his character less credible. I think that children that are extremely bright in one area, are generally extremely bright in other areas, and it shouldn’t really be such a stretch to think that someone at age eleven that is musically talented wouldn’t be verbally ahead of his years, emotionally more aware of the feelings of others or aware that his actions can have either a positive or a negative impact on those around him. Jonny’s not really your average kid who just got incredibly lucky by a parent posting a bad recital video, he’s a kid who is just gifted with talent.
While this is fictional, and largely and obviously based on one of America’s Princes of Pop, it manages to ring true throughout the book. It’s actually harder to believe that a young celebrity would have a significantly different life these days with years of bad-boy behavior rampant in the industry and girls gone wild in the posh and elegant homes of Beverly Hills showing up in mug shots on television nightly. Jonny doesn’t fit into that category of entitled teens, he’s a nice kid. Most of the time. Like most nice kids, like most pre-teen kids, the episodes of “it’s my turn to get my way.” That’s when the fun begins and the proverbial poop hits the fan.
Jonny Valentine goes from tour bus to hotel to stage to private tutor and bodyguard and an entourage of people he feels responsible for. He can’t really give himself a break, an off day, because he has all these adults depending on him. He’s rarely in one place for very long, hasn’t seen his only friend in years and his days are spent either with Jane or Walter or occasionally with one of the others in his entourage. Typically, he’s most often alone, playing video games in his hotel room, which is always set up with his system of choice and his game(s) of choice. Not only can Jonny spell rider, but he knows what one is, how to finagle one (Jane) and knows when enough if enough. And Jonny has enough of everything. Everything except, perhaps, a Dad. His Dad.
A lot of comments have been made about Jonny’s dialogue being beyond his years, making his character less credible. I think that children that are extremely bright in one area, are generally extremely bright in other areas, and it shouldn’t really be such a stretch to think that someone at age eleven that is musically talented wouldn’t be verbally ahead of his years, emotionally more aware of the feelings of others or aware that his actions can have either a positive or a negative impact on those around him. Jonny’s not really your average kid who just got incredibly lucky by a parent posting a bad recital video, he’s a kid who is just gifted with talent.
While this is fictional, and largely and obviously based on one of America’s Princes of Pop, it manages to ring true throughout the book. It’s actually harder to believe that a young celebrity would have a significantly different life these days with years of bad-boy behavior rampant in the industry and girls gone wild in the posh and elegant homes of Beverly Hills showing up in mug shots on television nightly. Jonny doesn’t fit into that category of entitled teens, he’s a nice kid. Most of the time. Like most nice kids, like most pre-teen kids, the episodes of “it’s my turn to get my way.” That’s when the fun begins and the proverbial poop hits the fan.
January 15, 2013
We aren't supposed to judge a book by it's cover are we? Too bad. Because as soon as I saw this all of my sparkle senses started going off. It's so shiny and shimmery! The cover was the first thing I loved about this book but it definitely wasn't the last.
Jonny's narration is spot-on. His innocence will make you smile and his cynicism will make your heart ache. He is surrounded by people who truly love him but those voices are drowned out by the fans, the marketing, the big machine that keeps him famous.
Every move that Jonny makes is choreographed. Every morsel of food that he eats is mentally cataloged and combated by exercise. Every song that Jonny sings is researched to garner and preserve the most fans. Even though he is fawned over by nearly everyone he meets you sense that he is simply a very lonely little boy.
This book is a scathing commentary on our celebrity worshiping culture that I couldn't put down.
Jonny's narration is spot-on. His innocence will make you smile and his cynicism will make your heart ache. He is surrounded by people who truly love him but those voices are drowned out by the fans, the marketing, the big machine that keeps him famous.
Every move that Jonny makes is choreographed. Every morsel of food that he eats is mentally cataloged and combated by exercise. Every song that Jonny sings is researched to garner and preserve the most fans. Even though he is fawned over by nearly everyone he meets you sense that he is simply a very lonely little boy.
This book is a scathing commentary on our celebrity worshiping culture that I couldn't put down.
December 21, 2016
Eleven year old pop sensation Jonny Valentine knows that people love him. The singer’s voice, hairdo and image, carefully packaged together by his LA label and manager/mother are what they really love. But within this mass marketing machine, the real Jonny is hidden somewhere. This is the story of Jonny Valentine, a vulnerable boy perplexed but his budding sexuality, his celebrity heartthrob status, the tight control his mother has over him and his absent father.
This book has been on my radar for a while now and I’m not really sure how it got there, I didn’t know many people who had read it. In fact I only discovered two people in my book blogger RSS that had read this book (Jennifer from The Relentless Reader & Kristin from My Little Heart Melodies) when I added the novel to Goodreads as ‘Currently Reading’. Having said I knew that this was a satirical look at Justin Beiber and that was enough to convince me to read it. While this is in fact true, I didn’t expect what I got; not only was it a humorous look at celebrity heartthrobs, it also has some really interesting things to say about growing up in that position.
The Love Song of Jonny Valentine follows the pop star on a tour for his second album, everything part of his professional career has been carefully planned out by his label and his manager, Jane, who is also his mother. The label and his mother don’t often see eye to eye, most of the time you get the impression that Jane is looking out for her son but then you also think she is too controlling. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; I wouldn’t want an eleven year old celebrity looking at what has been said about them on the internet. The label works to slowly push Jonny’s mother out and replace her with someone more experience (I say that loosely) in the hopes to have more control of his image and career. Sex sells, the label knows this but Jane does not want to resort to that method until Jonny has at least gone through puberty.
Then you have Jonny’s life outside of performing, his tutoring, vocal lessons, exercise and meal plans and video games. Constantly in a bus with other members of his crew (manager, vocal coach, tutor, bodyguard, and road crew) you get a sense of a lonely boy without any real friends his own age. His new support act are closer to his age and when he hangs out with them he soon finds himself getting into trouble. His hormones are starting to take over his body and this also leads him astray; since his mother is too busy being his manager he often spends his nights and afternoons alone playing video games and thinking about sex.
There is also the absent father, one night while sneaking some internet time, Jonny Valentine finds his father searching from him on a few of his fan forums. Feeling reluctant Jonny sets up a Gmail account and emails him asking for proof that he is really is his father. Without going into too much about what happens in the novel there are so many incredibly funny moments within this book. The fact that a newly setup Gmail account gets so much spam made me chuckle, since Google claim to have strong protection against spammers. This is one of many things that just tickled my fancy in the novel, it kind of reminds me of Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk with the comedic look at celebrity life (again I say that loosely) and in the style.
One of the most entertaining books I’ve read so far this year, I’m surprised that this novel hasn’t received more coverage. The cover alone makes this book worth buying, look at it; it’s so shiny and distracting. Not only is this novel jammed with humour and entertainment, its thought provoking and will get you thinking about celebrities in ways you’ve never expected. I hope more people go out and read The Love Song of Jonny Valentine because it’s well worth it, I really need to find some more books like this, if you have any suggestions.
This review originally appeared on my blog; http://literary-exploration.com/2013/...
This book has been on my radar for a while now and I’m not really sure how it got there, I didn’t know many people who had read it. In fact I only discovered two people in my book blogger RSS that had read this book (Jennifer from The Relentless Reader & Kristin from My Little Heart Melodies) when I added the novel to Goodreads as ‘Currently Reading’. Having said I knew that this was a satirical look at Justin Beiber and that was enough to convince me to read it. While this is in fact true, I didn’t expect what I got; not only was it a humorous look at celebrity heartthrobs, it also has some really interesting things to say about growing up in that position.
The Love Song of Jonny Valentine follows the pop star on a tour for his second album, everything part of his professional career has been carefully planned out by his label and his manager, Jane, who is also his mother. The label and his mother don’t often see eye to eye, most of the time you get the impression that Jane is looking out for her son but then you also think she is too controlling. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing; I wouldn’t want an eleven year old celebrity looking at what has been said about them on the internet. The label works to slowly push Jonny’s mother out and replace her with someone more experience (I say that loosely) in the hopes to have more control of his image and career. Sex sells, the label knows this but Jane does not want to resort to that method until Jonny has at least gone through puberty.
Then you have Jonny’s life outside of performing, his tutoring, vocal lessons, exercise and meal plans and video games. Constantly in a bus with other members of his crew (manager, vocal coach, tutor, bodyguard, and road crew) you get a sense of a lonely boy without any real friends his own age. His new support act are closer to his age and when he hangs out with them he soon finds himself getting into trouble. His hormones are starting to take over his body and this also leads him astray; since his mother is too busy being his manager he often spends his nights and afternoons alone playing video games and thinking about sex.
There is also the absent father, one night while sneaking some internet time, Jonny Valentine finds his father searching from him on a few of his fan forums. Feeling reluctant Jonny sets up a Gmail account and emails him asking for proof that he is really is his father. Without going into too much about what happens in the novel there are so many incredibly funny moments within this book. The fact that a newly setup Gmail account gets so much spam made me chuckle, since Google claim to have strong protection against spammers. This is one of many things that just tickled my fancy in the novel, it kind of reminds me of Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk with the comedic look at celebrity life (again I say that loosely) and in the style.
One of the most entertaining books I’ve read so far this year, I’m surprised that this novel hasn’t received more coverage. The cover alone makes this book worth buying, look at it; it’s so shiny and distracting. Not only is this novel jammed with humour and entertainment, its thought provoking and will get you thinking about celebrities in ways you’ve never expected. I hope more people go out and read The Love Song of Jonny Valentine because it’s well worth it, I really need to find some more books like this, if you have any suggestions.
This review originally appeared on my blog; http://literary-exploration.com/2013/...
February 11, 2013
Jonny Valentine is a Justin Beiber doppelganger, down to the overhyped hairdo. In the opening chapter of the book, Jonny asks his overbearing stage mom/manager (who he calls by her first name, Jane) for more sleeping pills because he's run out of the ones that she had given him before. Have I mentioned that he is eleven years old? Told by Jonny, this novel is an excoriating look at the seamy inside of the music industry. He constantly walks the tightrope between being a child and a developing adult. Jane isolates him and doesn't hesitate to ruthlessly cut out anyone who gets close to him. His bodyguard and his tutor try to protect him as well as they can, without tipping off Jane. Jonny deals with an array of problems; babysitting his drunken mother, dealing with the absence of his missing father, his developing sexuality, and his complete and utter lack of friends. This book was alternately funny and depressing. The novel is so beautifully written that I often felt like I was inside Jonny's head. An absorbing must-read. I have a feeling that it will end up being one of the biggest books of the year.
February 19, 2013
Not sure who the audience is for this book. I read it b/c I was in that world as editorial director of 16 Magazine. I've seen, traveled with, interviewed and photographed many Jonny Valentines--and, significantly, their moms/managers -- "momagers." While this was a fairly accuarate (albeit exaggerated) peek into the "behind-the-scenes" world of say, Justin Beiber, the book left me cold. The narrator, 11-year-old pop star Jonny, sounds like a 30 year veteran of the "biz." He's a puppet of the (record) label, marketing department, image-makers and mainly, alcoholic-but-protective mom-ager. Not sure if this is supposed to give the book depth, but Jonny actually is a musical prodigy who cares deeply about his songs and his shows. Nevertheless, he complies with the manipulation w/o resentment. (Really??) His best friend is his bodyguard; he compares every experience to a video game he's obsessed with; and is on a quest to find his father. The author clearly did his research, but to me, anyway, has never been immersed in the on-the-road real lives of boy bands and lonely prepubescent popstars. It shows.
February 24, 2018
se mi avessero detto che avrei adorato un facsimile di justin Bieber e, ancora più impensabile, la madre che ne ha fatto un fenomeno da baraccone e ne controlla i destini, avrei chiamato il 118.
Invece per questo jonny valentine, che non è un adulto ma decisamente non è un bambino, che vomita prima di ogni spettacolo, fa servizi fotografici fintamente paparazzati e sa ogni risposta che bisogna dare durante le interviste ho avuto un colpo di fulmine.
E lo stesso per sua madre, che è una persona vera, con pregi difetti incertezze e la capacità di vivere il grandissimo amore per suo figlio senza smancerie, avendo ben presente che il talento del ragazzo è un dono da sfruttare al massimo, perché questo è l'interesse di loro due, soli contro il mondo.
Però non comprerò dischi di justin Bieber.
Invece per questo jonny valentine, che non è un adulto ma decisamente non è un bambino, che vomita prima di ogni spettacolo, fa servizi fotografici fintamente paparazzati e sa ogni risposta che bisogna dare durante le interviste ho avuto un colpo di fulmine.
E lo stesso per sua madre, che è una persona vera, con pregi difetti incertezze e la capacità di vivere il grandissimo amore per suo figlio senza smancerie, avendo ben presente che il talento del ragazzo è un dono da sfruttare al massimo, perché questo è l'interesse di loro due, soli contro il mondo.
Però non comprerò dischi di justin Bieber.
February 9, 2013
What's odd about this book is that we've seen this story before. I wanted to like this but there's nothing new here. The book felt formulaic and overly long. There are things Wayne does really well--Jonny Valentine has a clear, consistent voice throughout the novel. His mother Jane is probably the most interesting character in the book though we sadly don't see as much of her as she's not, well, Jonny Valentine. The ending is excellent but also, expected. Throughout the novel, I kept thinking it was written by someone who has read books about pop culture rather than consumed popular culture itself. The distance shows.
September 26, 2014
I was expecting to have some fun with this book, after reading the blurbs and a few reviews, it turned out I probably took it far too seriously then maybe I should. Jonny Valentine is an 11 year old child, taken away from an ordinary life and groomed into becoming a singing pop sensation and heartthrob. The book is written like a memoir and narrated by Jonny who give you an insight into his lifestyle and behind the scenes look into his US tour.
Jonny’s schedule is so full on that it’s too the point of being ridiculous. He is pumping with adrenalin after a performance or rehearsal that he requires sleeping pills bring him down. And not to mention that this poor young child is on a low carb diet and has a bodyguard to protect him from psychopaths, and crazed teen fans. It’s a very unhealthy way of living for a boy of his age. If your child is at the stage where he needs protection around the clock, I think it’s time to pull the plug and get him out the industry quick smart.
But Jonny’s mother Jane - and now Manager – has desired this type of fame and fortune for a very long time, from reading the glossy magazines. Even though Jonny loves singing, he doesn’t like what comes with it. He is like a robot. He will do/say whatever he’s told (by his mother) because he loves his mother; she’s the only person he has, and he’s the type of boy that wants to please her. It’s not Jonny’s ‘dream come true’ but Jane’s, and she is cunning enough to put guilt into him and make him believe he should continue.
I thought this book was fantastic and clever. And I especially liked what the author did with Jonny’s two voices. Most of the time, when you hear Jonny talking out loud, its very mechanical because it’s words everyone wants him say (either to the press, in concert, or in public) but not what he wants say. But ‘we’ as a reader have the privilege to hear Jonny’s thoughts. He is really is your average child, a very sweet and lonely boy who had an opinion but frightened and awkward to voice it out loud. I felt very depressed and so claustrophobic for this loveable boy that he wasn’t able to have the freedom like any other kids his age. I just wanted to kick, punch some walls down and tell him to run free!
There is a little distraction in the plot that I found so intriguing, and amusing at the same time. While Jonny was checking the net, he found a comment on a public forum, by what he assumes is an older male. This comment has prompted Jonny to recall his estrange father. So Jonny set out a secret mission (online) to discover the identity of this man that might lead him to his father. I was so interested in what Jonny was going to discover. And if he did discover something of significance…..what hell he going to do with it?
I must admit I was pretty shocked and dumbfounded on what goes on behind the scene of a child pop star. I know this is fiction but it does make me think if any of it could be true or happened with the likes of Justin Bieber or the kids from One Direction. And if this is the case, I completely understand why they go off the rails.
Jonny’s schedule is so full on that it’s too the point of being ridiculous. He is pumping with adrenalin after a performance or rehearsal that he requires sleeping pills bring him down. And not to mention that this poor young child is on a low carb diet and has a bodyguard to protect him from psychopaths, and crazed teen fans. It’s a very unhealthy way of living for a boy of his age. If your child is at the stage where he needs protection around the clock, I think it’s time to pull the plug and get him out the industry quick smart.
But Jonny’s mother Jane - and now Manager – has desired this type of fame and fortune for a very long time, from reading the glossy magazines. Even though Jonny loves singing, he doesn’t like what comes with it. He is like a robot. He will do/say whatever he’s told (by his mother) because he loves his mother; she’s the only person he has, and he’s the type of boy that wants to please her. It’s not Jonny’s ‘dream come true’ but Jane’s, and she is cunning enough to put guilt into him and make him believe he should continue.
I thought this book was fantastic and clever. And I especially liked what the author did with Jonny’s two voices. Most of the time, when you hear Jonny talking out loud, its very mechanical because it’s words everyone wants him say (either to the press, in concert, or in public) but not what he wants say. But ‘we’ as a reader have the privilege to hear Jonny’s thoughts. He is really is your average child, a very sweet and lonely boy who had an opinion but frightened and awkward to voice it out loud. I felt very depressed and so claustrophobic for this loveable boy that he wasn’t able to have the freedom like any other kids his age. I just wanted to kick, punch some walls down and tell him to run free!
There is a little distraction in the plot that I found so intriguing, and amusing at the same time. While Jonny was checking the net, he found a comment on a public forum, by what he assumes is an older male. This comment has prompted Jonny to recall his estrange father. So Jonny set out a secret mission (online) to discover the identity of this man that might lead him to his father. I was so interested in what Jonny was going to discover. And if he did discover something of significance…..what hell he going to do with it?
I must admit I was pretty shocked and dumbfounded on what goes on behind the scene of a child pop star. I know this is fiction but it does make me think if any of it could be true or happened with the likes of Justin Bieber or the kids from One Direction. And if this is the case, I completely understand why they go off the rails.
March 15, 2013
Wow! I was not going to read this, thinking it would be cloying if he pulled it off, to hear a long story in the voice of a 11 year old pop star, and thinking also there was no way he WOULD pull it off. Wrong on both counts. The 11 year old voice was perfect. I kept thinking about "Room" which I couldn't finish as I did find the child narrator voice cloying ... perhaps this works better because the child is older. But believe me, this kid is in a metaphorical room just as horrifying as the other room. A very sad and poignant imagining of what it must be like to be one of these child stars. Brilliantly done. The reason it didn't get 5 stars was I expected a bit more social satire from the reviews, but the author never really presents any ideas about what is wrong with us as a people that we have these poor children in these situations - basically it seems like fucked up parents and the star making machinery, same old thing, no new insight on that front. But geez, this guy can write with amazing empathy!
January 24, 2025
Definitely a guy book. Not because of the main character’s viewpoints - he is an 11 year old child pop star - but because the reader is privy to a few scenes that only prepubescent teen fellas should witness.
The ickiness aside, I confess that the audio narration didn’t cut it for me either. Perhaps my rating then might be harsh. On the plus side, we get a unique window into the insulated life of a kid on tour, something I’d never really pondered. He has no same age friends around, only a body guard who feels like a father figure and a single mom managing her child’s career and not really possessing a life of her own. It made me wonder about Justin Bieber and Britney Spears, but also the thousands of wannabe kids and their parents, aspiring for fame and adulation and monetary success.
Mostly, the book felt lonely. That can make the reading experience powerful - think of Tom Hanks marooned on an island with only a deflated ball as his friend. But “seeing” a child attempt to befriend older performers - only on tour with the teeny bopper star to lift their own fame - or being set up on faux dates with an older teen starlet, the purpose being photo shoot fodder - just made me want to get the audiobook over and done with.
There is a major goal behind Johnny’s string of gigs, an aim he hides from his mother-manager. As he nears the accomplishment of said goal, instead of breathless anticipation, I could only feel muffled dread.
Teddy Wayne is a gifted writer, but his LONER is a much much better read.
The ickiness aside, I confess that the audio narration didn’t cut it for me either. Perhaps my rating then might be harsh. On the plus side, we get a unique window into the insulated life of a kid on tour, something I’d never really pondered. He has no same age friends around, only a body guard who feels like a father figure and a single mom managing her child’s career and not really possessing a life of her own. It made me wonder about Justin Bieber and Britney Spears, but also the thousands of wannabe kids and their parents, aspiring for fame and adulation and monetary success.
Mostly, the book felt lonely. That can make the reading experience powerful - think of Tom Hanks marooned on an island with only a deflated ball as his friend. But “seeing” a child attempt to befriend older performers - only on tour with the teeny bopper star to lift their own fame - or being set up on faux dates with an older teen starlet, the purpose being photo shoot fodder - just made me want to get the audiobook over and done with.
There is a major goal behind Johnny’s string of gigs, an aim he hides from his mother-manager. As he nears the accomplishment of said goal, instead of breathless anticipation, I could only feel muffled dread.
Teddy Wayne is a gifted writer, but his LONER is a much much better read.
June 12, 2021
So many plot holes that I honestly lost count! It was a fine book, but I felt like it could’ve been so much better. I kept thinking to myself that the narrator’s voice was way too mature for an 11 year old, but maybe that was a choice to show how Johnny was thrown into adult situations at a young age? It was off-putting, and idk if this book will stick out in my memory in the future.
August 10, 2019
It was OK. I didn't care for this audiobook narrator, and the writing could be a little heavy handed. The story was not original, but it kept my interest.
April 6, 2013
In Teddy Wayne’s latest novel, readers join up with an 11-year old pop star as he criss-crosses the country on a concert tour. Yes, as everyone has noted, this Jonny Valentine kid is Bieber-esque if not actually Justin Bieber himself. We see resemblances to him everywhere, down to Jonny’s similar discovery on YouTube. So Teddy Wayne is purposefully and obviously taking the Bieb’s real life story and drilling down deeper to examine the concept of celebrity. Like a gem, he’s putting it under a light to study it from different angles—how the pressures and internal conflicts affect the celebrity, how these issues play out in a kid, how celebrity affects not just him but those around him, how celebrity is awesome but also stifling and warped, how it changes relationships, and the list goes on. These are overlaid with just very human concerns of growing up, figuring out your own way in life, loving people, disappointing people, and being betrayed by people.
On the whole, the book provides a pretty affecting portrayal of a kid celebrity. The thread of the story involving Jonny’s opening band, The Latchkeys, was particularly good at subtly and entertainingly evoking a wistful sense of what Jonny feels he’s missing. Thankfully, with Wayne’s skills, the book escapes from being just schlocky drivel. (Although I don’t really consider the novel to have much literary heft either.) But the thing is, the insights on celebrity are nothing new that most people aren’t already aware of from real-life celebrity profiles. Wayne is just able to articulate it all in a nice, neat little book—probably better than those child stars ever could themselves or through their ghostwriters. Anyone who remembers watching “Behind the Music” on Vh-1 or whatever profile in any glossy magazine will be familiar with all of the notes that Wayne strums in this book. So in this sense, I couldn’t be that impressed with it and personally don’t find it a story that “needed” to be told. But that’s just me.
Perhaps readers who don’t follow celebrity culture on a sustained basis; who hardly ever think about how celebrity reflects the values of our contemporary society; and who barely give a second’s thought to people like Justin Bieber find the book a fascinating account of a foreign world of a child star, much like others are interested in getting psychological insight into other types of characters who are put into extraordinary circumstances, whether it’s a criminal, a doctor, an alien, or a dog.
There have been criticisms that Wayne lets his 11-year protagonist talk like a much older person, so it’s unrealistic. This is true, but in order to make it through the book, I decided to accept that this could happen in Teddy Wayne’s world, just like I’d accept fire-breathing dragons and aliens in other book worlds. I, however, was less indulgent in excusing Wayne’s rather heavy-handed parallels between celebrity and Jonny’s history-of-slavery project or his video game that seemed to hew too closely to the “journey” Jonny was currently experiencing. I couldn’t help think that there could’ve been more artful ways to reinforce the points that Wayne was highlighting. But these are quibbles. You’ll either like or dislike the book based on whether you think an in-depth examination of a kid celebrity is a story that needs to be told and whether it helps you understand the world better. For me, the answer’s a "no" to both questions.
On the whole, the book provides a pretty affecting portrayal of a kid celebrity. The thread of the story involving Jonny’s opening band, The Latchkeys, was particularly good at subtly and entertainingly evoking a wistful sense of what Jonny feels he’s missing. Thankfully, with Wayne’s skills, the book escapes from being just schlocky drivel. (Although I don’t really consider the novel to have much literary heft either.) But the thing is, the insights on celebrity are nothing new that most people aren’t already aware of from real-life celebrity profiles. Wayne is just able to articulate it all in a nice, neat little book—probably better than those child stars ever could themselves or through their ghostwriters. Anyone who remembers watching “Behind the Music” on Vh-1 or whatever profile in any glossy magazine will be familiar with all of the notes that Wayne strums in this book. So in this sense, I couldn’t be that impressed with it and personally don’t find it a story that “needed” to be told. But that’s just me.
Perhaps readers who don’t follow celebrity culture on a sustained basis; who hardly ever think about how celebrity reflects the values of our contemporary society; and who barely give a second’s thought to people like Justin Bieber find the book a fascinating account of a foreign world of a child star, much like others are interested in getting psychological insight into other types of characters who are put into extraordinary circumstances, whether it’s a criminal, a doctor, an alien, or a dog.
There have been criticisms that Wayne lets his 11-year protagonist talk like a much older person, so it’s unrealistic. This is true, but in order to make it through the book, I decided to accept that this could happen in Teddy Wayne’s world, just like I’d accept fire-breathing dragons and aliens in other book worlds. I, however, was less indulgent in excusing Wayne’s rather heavy-handed parallels between celebrity and Jonny’s history-of-slavery project or his video game that seemed to hew too closely to the “journey” Jonny was currently experiencing. I couldn’t help think that there could’ve been more artful ways to reinforce the points that Wayne was highlighting. But these are quibbles. You’ll either like or dislike the book based on whether you think an in-depth examination of a kid celebrity is a story that needs to be told and whether it helps you understand the world better. For me, the answer’s a "no" to both questions.
January 17, 2013
Disclaimer: I received a copy of this novel from the publisher in exchange for an honest and unbiased review.
My Summary: Being a kid on the verge of puberty is hard enough, but for Jonny Valentine it's only the tip of the iceberg.
Jonny is a pop star at the ripe old age of eleven. Having grown up in the spotlight, Jonny never got to experience things normal kids do. With every second of his life planned out, Jonny doesn't even have time for fun, let alone friends or school.
Sheltered by his psychotic 'momager' Jane, Jonny doesn't even know what became of his absentee father... until the day he logs onto his mom's computer and finds a message from his dad on every fan site. But is it really him? As Jonny begins a mission to reconnect with his dad, he'll discover just how far he'll have to go to maintain his fame and his career.
My Thoughts: This book was heartbreaking. Jonny is probably one of my favourite narrators of all time - his mix of innocence, cynicism, and humour will soften event he hardest of hearts. Growing up in showbiz has taken everything from Jonny, but he still manages to put on a show. Jane was reminiscent of those crazy pageant moms you see on T.V. - so obsessed with being the best that she ignores what is happening to her child and forgets to treat him like a real person.
Wayne's commentary on the way we treat our celebrities - especially child stars - resonates with the reader.
"We always want to have as much control as possible over my image, but the Lisa Pinto exposure made sense from a packaging-strategy perspective, since even if it was driving off some of the fat girls, it would bring in more of the pretty girls, and if they liked me then the fat girls would like me more to try to be like the pretty girls, plus the pretty girls would bring their boyfriends to my concerts, which effectively doubled gate receipts and they also had to buy them crap merch to make them happy, but the fat girls didn’t have boyfriends. They had to buy the crap merch for themselves to feel happier. But Jane says we’re in the business of making fat girls feel like they’re pretty for a few hours and that most pretty girls are afraid other people think they’re fat anyway, so maybe it’s all the same."
Jonny has been made into the perfect product by his team, and you can see the way it morphs his thoughts.
The theme of slavery works perfectly with the novel, as Jonny is what we come to see as a slave to the masses and his celebrity itself. And as he fumbles through his first teenage experiences, we see just how much of a tole growing up as a pop star has had on Jonny.
Final Thoughts: Wayne has written an honest and unflinching account of child stardom. I recommend it to anyone and everyone looking for a great read.
March 7, 2013
The Song of Jonny Valentine is a book that I really wanted to like, so much so that I read over 200 of the 290 or so pages before giving up. I thought this story of a tween idol would be fun, enjoyable reading... Sadly, no.
Jonny is an 11-year-old pop star with an overbearing, over-drinking, and over-the-top mother as his manager. Other characters include Walter, Jonny's quietly comforting bodyguard; Nadine, his strict yet sweet tutor; Rog, his past-his-prime voice coach; and various other celebrities including rock stars, pop stars, and more. Jonny's relationships are complicated, as expected for an 11-year-old prodigy.
Jonny grew up in St. Louis. His exceptional voice was discovered in second grade, and he blew up via YouTube shortly thereafter. His path to fame was a nonstop rocket and he's been flying ever since. His mother Jane is a shrewd businesswoman, constantly looking for the next deal and protecting Jonny from the tabloids and paparazzi. Dad is out of the picture and Jane refuses to talk about him.
I think the reason I had such a tough time with this book is because I couldn't stand Jonny Valentine. He is self-absorbed and conceited, which I guess is to be expected, but as a narrator it's annoying. Some of the language felt too forced, like the author wanted to be cool and hip, but doesn't actually know how the aught Tweens communicate. Jonny's constant reference to pervy child predators seemed excessive. And lastly, his forays into adolescent rebellion were lame and seemed unrealistic.
Jonny is an 11-year-old pop star with an overbearing, over-drinking, and over-the-top mother as his manager. Other characters include Walter, Jonny's quietly comforting bodyguard; Nadine, his strict yet sweet tutor; Rog, his past-his-prime voice coach; and various other celebrities including rock stars, pop stars, and more. Jonny's relationships are complicated, as expected for an 11-year-old prodigy.
Jonny grew up in St. Louis. His exceptional voice was discovered in second grade, and he blew up via YouTube shortly thereafter. His path to fame was a nonstop rocket and he's been flying ever since. His mother Jane is a shrewd businesswoman, constantly looking for the next deal and protecting Jonny from the tabloids and paparazzi. Dad is out of the picture and Jane refuses to talk about him.
I think the reason I had such a tough time with this book is because I couldn't stand Jonny Valentine. He is self-absorbed and conceited, which I guess is to be expected, but as a narrator it's annoying. Some of the language felt too forced, like the author wanted to be cool and hip, but doesn't actually know how the aught Tweens communicate. Jonny's constant reference to pervy child predators seemed excessive. And lastly, his forays into adolescent rebellion were lame and seemed unrealistic.
March 17, 2013
I received an advanced copy of this book as a Goodreads giveaway.
At the time I was reading this book, the real-life singing star whom Jonny Valentine is based on was going through some troubles of his own with the press. Society has a tendency to raise a celebrity to "superstar" status, and then watch with glee as that celeb comes crashing down, only to be replaced with the next big thing.
Jonny Valentine, at only 11 years old, gave me some insight as to the incredibly hard work it takes to continue to be adored by the masses. He's just a kid who relaxes by playing his favorite video game, but who also realizes that he needs to be on his A-game for every show, because the livelihood of his staffers rests on his small, pre-teen shoulders. If he eats one piece of pizza too many, he must work off the "chub." If he's exhausted and there's a meeting or event to attend, sleep must wait - and when he needs to sleep and can't, he sneaks one of his mother's pills. He needs to keep his manager/mother on an even keel, even as he searches behind her back for his absent father. An awful lot of juggling for an 11-year old.
I thought Jonny's voice was believable - just a kid, but with an insider's knowledge of the business. I thought the naming of the chapters after cities and dates was meaningful, in that Jonny is always being uprooted and always on the move - because too much sitting still gives the adoring fans time to forget you and move on.
At the time I was reading this book, the real-life singing star whom Jonny Valentine is based on was going through some troubles of his own with the press. Society has a tendency to raise a celebrity to "superstar" status, and then watch with glee as that celeb comes crashing down, only to be replaced with the next big thing.
Jonny Valentine, at only 11 years old, gave me some insight as to the incredibly hard work it takes to continue to be adored by the masses. He's just a kid who relaxes by playing his favorite video game, but who also realizes that he needs to be on his A-game for every show, because the livelihood of his staffers rests on his small, pre-teen shoulders. If he eats one piece of pizza too many, he must work off the "chub." If he's exhausted and there's a meeting or event to attend, sleep must wait - and when he needs to sleep and can't, he sneaks one of his mother's pills. He needs to keep his manager/mother on an even keel, even as he searches behind her back for his absent father. An awful lot of juggling for an 11-year old.
I thought Jonny's voice was believable - just a kid, but with an insider's knowledge of the business. I thought the naming of the chapters after cities and dates was meaningful, in that Jonny is always being uprooted and always on the move - because too much sitting still gives the adoring fans time to forget you and move on.
March 3, 2013
THE LOVE SONG OF JONNY VALENTINE
Teddy Wayne
A touching novel told in the amazing voice of an eleven year old tweeny bopper super star. This coming of age or twisted coming of age tale offers us a peek into the life of an idol where the author addresses the nation’s obsession with fame and fortune, and its price.
Jonny Valentine’s controlling mother/manager, Jane, oversees Jonny’s entire life from his carb intake to his schooling and security. She regulates his wardrobe, his hairstyle, his soaring career and all his publicity. Jonny is at a time when he wants to make contact with his long lost father, experiment with his budding sexuality, and have some personal freedom. His free time is spent in front of a television playing video games. But, Jonny has a wonderful voice and is at his best when performing so he takes all the rest in stride.
This is a fascinating look at how an idol is made and manufactured for the yawning abyss of the public need for a hero without heroics.
An excellent read for an inside look at the music industry, the touring process, the production personnel, and the single mindedness of purpose necessary to succeed.
Teddy Wayne
A touching novel told in the amazing voice of an eleven year old tweeny bopper super star. This coming of age or twisted coming of age tale offers us a peek into the life of an idol where the author addresses the nation’s obsession with fame and fortune, and its price.
Jonny Valentine’s controlling mother/manager, Jane, oversees Jonny’s entire life from his carb intake to his schooling and security. She regulates his wardrobe, his hairstyle, his soaring career and all his publicity. Jonny is at a time when he wants to make contact with his long lost father, experiment with his budding sexuality, and have some personal freedom. His free time is spent in front of a television playing video games. But, Jonny has a wonderful voice and is at his best when performing so he takes all the rest in stride.
This is a fascinating look at how an idol is made and manufactured for the yawning abyss of the public need for a hero without heroics.
An excellent read for an inside look at the music industry, the touring process, the production personnel, and the single mindedness of purpose necessary to succeed.
June 8, 2013
This is a fictional account of a Justin Beiber type pop star and it is absolutely captivating in its apparent authenticity. I have no idea what it's really like to be an insider on a cross-country tour of a pop-rock star, but this book, told from the perspective of the kid himself gives the illusion that you are right there with him. And why would that be interesting? Because his life is hard and luxurious at the same time. He is totally innocent and completely jaded. He is shockingly ignorant and yet street smart way beyond any normal adult. He is surrounded by people who adore him and fawn over him, yet he is heartbreakingly lonely, has no real friends and no concept of the boundaries in his employer-employee relationships.
In addition, the story is fun and interesting. The author is so skilled at giving a vivid portrayal of the characters with just a few peeks through the curtain. The characters are real, multidimensional figures and the story grew on me till I wanted to have a talk with each of them to set them on a better path. I should add that I am not a Justin Beiber fan, nor do I dislike him, and that is completely irrelevant to my enjoyment of the book.
In addition, the story is fun and interesting. The author is so skilled at giving a vivid portrayal of the characters with just a few peeks through the curtain. The characters are real, multidimensional figures and the story grew on me till I wanted to have a talk with each of them to set them on a better path. I should add that I am not a Justin Beiber fan, nor do I dislike him, and that is completely irrelevant to my enjoyment of the book.
March 7, 2019
This book was weird. Parts were good & kept you reading but other parts seemed pointless & like a trail that led you nowhere. It could’ve gotten so much deeper than it did given the subject matter. There are also some subjectively racist parts to the story that made me wonder if the author was just that politically ignorant or just didn’t care. There were built up moments & I kept waiting for something really good to happen but it never did.
The main character is 11 so he’s heading toward puberty. He talks about his sexuality, him getting turned on & the book actually walks us through a masturbation. He’s 11. Ew. No self respecting person wants to read about that that. He’s a child. Disgusting. It was so uncomfortable I skipped past it.
There’s also a lot of profanity, which I didn’t expect considering the main character was a child. A lot of the time he didn’t sound 11.
The book was just..weird & lackluster. & for some reason I get the feeling the author is a pompous buttcrack.
The main character is 11 so he’s heading toward puberty. He talks about his sexuality, him getting turned on & the book actually walks us through a masturbation. He’s 11. Ew. No self respecting person wants to read about that that. He’s a child. Disgusting. It was so uncomfortable I skipped past it.
There’s also a lot of profanity, which I didn’t expect considering the main character was a child. A lot of the time he didn’t sound 11.
The book was just..weird & lackluster. & for some reason I get the feeling the author is a pompous buttcrack.
November 21, 2016
3.5. Felt this started a little flat but all of a sudden I was totally invested in the characters. Funny and clever and so much heart.
January 3, 2020
"Everything happens for a reason," Robin said.
Something about the TV-host smile on her face made me want to be like, No, it doesn't, that's the coastal way of believing in God without actually believing in him, and it's a stupid thing morons like Mrs. Warfield tell themselves when bad things happen so they feel better about it, that's why The Secret Land of Zenon is so good, things happen and no one's keeping track of if it's for a reason or not, experience points either come or they don't and you can never totally predict why and sometimes it's the opposite of what makes sense, like Jane can't sing and my father probably can't but I was born with a perfect voice from good luck, and if Jane had gotten an abortion then everyone here would be watching someone else get interviewed right now, or if YouTube hadn't been invented I might never have been discovered and would be a normal kid in St. Louis who was the star of his school choir but nothing else and Luann Phelps wouldn't have a crush on me, and there's a girl in the audience in a wheelchair and if you think that happened for a reason, you have a f**ked-up idea of why things happen.
"Totally," I said.
~~Adoring fans, cheering for their musical idol. This is a nightly sight for eleven-year-old Jonny.
Wayne takes us behind the scenes, and gives us an up-close view of the larger than life existence of a tween star. Meet Jonny Valentine. At the young age of not-quite twelve, he's the fantasy of millions of girls across the globe. He's been singing since he was a preschooler. His first grade music teacher recognized his raw talent, and made sure his mother knew. Several years and many voice lessons later he made some YouTube videos that went viral. The rest, as they say, is history.
In many ways Jonny is expected to act more mature than his age. He's taken to business meetings to discuss finances, contracts, and image packaging. His private tutor encourages creativity and originality. Then there's the scheme to appeal to a slightly older demographic by staging dating scenes with a female pop-star. But in other ways, Jonny's mother-manager shelters him far more than the mothers of other tweens. He isn't allowed unsupervised access to the internet, and he doesn't have a cellphone. He has a Twitter account, but he isn't allowed to be the one to post on it. This coddled but highly visible life makes navigating the rocky waters of burgeoning adolescence extremely difficult for Jonny. Will he be able to craft a successful musical career that lasts longer than a sophomore album without losing himself in the process? Read this excellent novel to find out!
My two cents: The shiny, reflective, eye-catching cover of Love Song captures the essence of Wayne's offering perfectly. Perhaps the novel could have delved deeper into satire, or perhaps Wayne could have explored the complexities of his characters more thoroughly. Instead we are given a 290 page dose of celebrity life--both it's heart-shaped swing highs, and trips to the hospital after collapsing back-stage lows. This is a quick, easy read for those who want a short escape from their every day, "normal" life. But there is more to Jonny than meets the cursory eye for those who want to dig a little deeper below the shiny surface. Given 4 stars or a rating of "Excellent". Recommended!
Another favorite quote: " I was lucky that so much more of my life now was recorded than a normal kid's, so in the future, if I ever wanted to think back on something, I could find footage or an article about it. But there were some moments that no one was recording, and it was up to me to remember them, and maybe sometimes you had to tell yourself to freeze a moment in your brain or else it would just file it away with all the others. Most people would remember how it felt when they were about to debut at Madison Square Garden, but I told myself, Remember what it's like to walk around these tunnels with Walter when no one else knows you're there. When you're not Jonny Valentine the singer. When you're not even regular Jonathan Valentino. You're not anyone, in a way."
Something about the TV-host smile on her face made me want to be like, No, it doesn't, that's the coastal way of believing in God without actually believing in him, and it's a stupid thing morons like Mrs. Warfield tell themselves when bad things happen so they feel better about it, that's why The Secret Land of Zenon is so good, things happen and no one's keeping track of if it's for a reason or not, experience points either come or they don't and you can never totally predict why and sometimes it's the opposite of what makes sense, like Jane can't sing and my father probably can't but I was born with a perfect voice from good luck, and if Jane had gotten an abortion then everyone here would be watching someone else get interviewed right now, or if YouTube hadn't been invented I might never have been discovered and would be a normal kid in St. Louis who was the star of his school choir but nothing else and Luann Phelps wouldn't have a crush on me, and there's a girl in the audience in a wheelchair and if you think that happened for a reason, you have a f**ked-up idea of why things happen.
"Totally," I said.
~~Adoring fans, cheering for their musical idol. This is a nightly sight for eleven-year-old Jonny.
Wayne takes us behind the scenes, and gives us an up-close view of the larger than life existence of a tween star. Meet Jonny Valentine. At the young age of not-quite twelve, he's the fantasy of millions of girls across the globe. He's been singing since he was a preschooler. His first grade music teacher recognized his raw talent, and made sure his mother knew. Several years and many voice lessons later he made some YouTube videos that went viral. The rest, as they say, is history.
In many ways Jonny is expected to act more mature than his age. He's taken to business meetings to discuss finances, contracts, and image packaging. His private tutor encourages creativity and originality. Then there's the scheme to appeal to a slightly older demographic by staging dating scenes with a female pop-star. But in other ways, Jonny's mother-manager shelters him far more than the mothers of other tweens. He isn't allowed unsupervised access to the internet, and he doesn't have a cellphone. He has a Twitter account, but he isn't allowed to be the one to post on it. This coddled but highly visible life makes navigating the rocky waters of burgeoning adolescence extremely difficult for Jonny. Will he be able to craft a successful musical career that lasts longer than a sophomore album without losing himself in the process? Read this excellent novel to find out!
My two cents: The shiny, reflective, eye-catching cover of Love Song captures the essence of Wayne's offering perfectly. Perhaps the novel could have delved deeper into satire, or perhaps Wayne could have explored the complexities of his characters more thoroughly. Instead we are given a 290 page dose of celebrity life--both it's heart-shaped swing highs, and trips to the hospital after collapsing back-stage lows. This is a quick, easy read for those who want a short escape from their every day, "normal" life. But there is more to Jonny than meets the cursory eye for those who want to dig a little deeper below the shiny surface. Given 4 stars or a rating of "Excellent". Recommended!
Another favorite quote: " I was lucky that so much more of my life now was recorded than a normal kid's, so in the future, if I ever wanted to think back on something, I could find footage or an article about it. But there were some moments that no one was recording, and it was up to me to remember them, and maybe sometimes you had to tell yourself to freeze a moment in your brain or else it would just file it away with all the others. Most people would remember how it felt when they were about to debut at Madison Square Garden, but I told myself, Remember what it's like to walk around these tunnels with Walter when no one else knows you're there. When you're not Jonny Valentine the singer. When you're not even regular Jonathan Valentino. You're not anyone, in a way."
January 22, 2020
Was definitely one of my best bargain buys! Got this copy from my local £world and i certainly got more than £1 worth of content!
You can tell straight away where the influence came from to write this book - sometimes not so subtly. It has been wrote as if Jonny Valentine is narrating and there are a lot of typical 11 year old grammar and vocabulary. Sometimes I felt as if i was listening to the part in 'Dude Wheres My Car?' where the drive through machine is going 'and then' over and over.
There was a few uncomfortable reading moments where Jonny was, lets say; exploring himself in a mature way. I'm not sure if its just because he's had to grow up quickly so feels he has to advance or if 11 year old boys actually do this so young! Seems a bit premature to me, and was definitely a skimmed quickly read through those parts.
This was a nice, quick to follow and east to read book. I'd probably only recommend to someone if they were interested in the behind the scenes celeb lifestyle genre.
You can tell straight away where the influence came from to write this book - sometimes not so subtly. It has been wrote as if Jonny Valentine is narrating and there are a lot of typical 11 year old grammar and vocabulary. Sometimes I felt as if i was listening to the part in 'Dude Wheres My Car?' where the drive through machine is going 'and then' over and over.
There was a few uncomfortable reading moments where Jonny was, lets say; exploring himself in a mature way. I'm not sure if its just because he's had to grow up quickly so feels he has to advance or if 11 year old boys actually do this so young! Seems a bit premature to me, and was definitely a skimmed quickly read through those parts.
This was a nice, quick to follow and east to read book. I'd probably only recommend to someone if they were interested in the behind the scenes celeb lifestyle genre.
October 9, 2024
This was a recommended book, something out of the ordinary for me. It was interesting to hear Jonny describe his world and all of the craft skills he was learning. It’s a world I hadn’t thought about much and would normally have no interest in.
Two criticisms of the book - Jonny’s musings seem a little too sophisticated for an 11 year old. And there was something about the ending; it seemed a little too formulaic, wrapping up things neatly and quickly.
Two criticisms of the book - Jonny’s musings seem a little too sophisticated for an 11 year old. And there was something about the ending; it seemed a little too formulaic, wrapping up things neatly and quickly.
December 16, 2018
This book is very well written, and is an emersive and compelling character study. However, the ending is deeply underwhelming. The themes and perspectives developed so well in the body of the novel are underserved in what was already going to be a weak ending due to the slice-of-life, plot-less structure. It is really only the last two pages that are disappointing, but it leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
January 10, 2018
While trying to borrow a different book on Overdrive, I accidentally selected this title. Since it was already on my Overdrive bookshelf, I might as well listen to it and was not disappointed. This is a story about a child popstar named Jonny Valentine and his life on tour. He faces several issues, such as trying to meet his father, making a decision whether to stay on tour or go to a regular school, and conflicts with his manager-mom, Jane Valentine.
November 16, 2019
This is the first book I finish in a very long time.
Ever wanted to read Justin Bieber's most personal thoughts? The Love Song of Johnny Valentine features 11 year-old pop sensation Johnny Valentine in his second tour that becomes a journey to meet his estranged father. It has some explicit scenes that makes me wonder what exactly the audience for the book is, and very very corny made up pop lyrics. Altogether, it is a fun novel (can it count as coming of age? The main character does evolve quite a bit at the end) that offers some commentary on the music business and fame.
Ever wanted to read Justin Bieber's most personal thoughts? The Love Song of Johnny Valentine features 11 year-old pop sensation Johnny Valentine in his second tour that becomes a journey to meet his estranged father. It has some explicit scenes that makes me wonder what exactly the audience for the book is, and very very corny made up pop lyrics. Altogether, it is a fun novel (can it count as coming of age? The main character does evolve quite a bit at the end) that offers some commentary on the music business and fame.
June 13, 2013
We live in a strange world. Celebrity has grown from a byproduct of accomplishment to an end in and of itself, and the upshot of it is a culture that is increasingly obsessed with itself and with its own image. We create viral superstars--cats with angry faces, news bystanders with catchy phrasing, children caught on tape being children--and then we discard them without a thought. We obsessively follow traditional celebrities--to confirm that they're just like us, that we could be living their lives if the cards had been dealt slightly differently--and then we revel in their failures, their flaws, their shortcomings.
Teddy Wayne's The Love Song of Jonny Valentine chronicles a piece of this modern world, as well as in the additional burdens placed on child stars, by following eleven-year-old superstar Jonny Valentine on his second cross-country tour. As Jonny deals with the re-emergence of his disappeared father, the challenges of puberty, and an increasingly slew of bad publicity, he also must rise the challenge of performing in sold-out arenas across the country. Wayne shines a satirical light on the trappings of celebrity--the hangers on who may or may not be true friends, the obsession with body image and media savvy attention to detail, the stereotypical manager/mom parental nightmare--but he also has a lot of sympathy for Jonny, who does not seem to realize when his parroting of the tabloid culture he lives in sounds more pathetic than knowing. He is, as the title indicates, a boy searching to be loved, and to define what exactly that means.
At times Wayne is overly obvious with his metaphors: Jonny's obsession with whether or not he is officially in puberty (and he models plenty of bad teenage behavior as the book goes on) is about as direct an acknowledgment as you could expect of the way he is trapped between the worlds of childhood and adulthood. His attempts at beating his favorite video game and his tutor's subject of choice (slavery) also have clear ties to Wayne's somewhat obvious sentiment that this sort of lifestyle may ultimately be extremely unhealthy for a child, tween, teen, or young adult--even the strongest of them. Subtlety is not his strong point in addressing this theme, but he does ultimately draw an interesting character in Jonny. While the young star idolizes the rare star that does seem to emerge unscathed (Tyler Beats, as obvious a Justin Timberlake stand in as Jonny for Justin Bieber), Jonny's future is no where near as certain, as increasing revelations about his own behavior and that of his mother and father threaten to drag him down. Yet as silly, spoiled, and naive as Jonny was, I did still find myself rooting for and sympathizing with him. And as I am as quick as most to roll my eyes at the endless line of child-stars who seem to go off the deep end (Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, etc. etc. etc.) but Wayne reminds us with empathy that perhaps escaping such a fate is the exception rather than the rule and that children are after all children, and to expect them to grow up in such a crucible and come through unsinged is just not realistic. There is a cost for our entertainment, and it is paid with the souls of the entertainers.
It reminds me of the opening lines of The Great Gatsby--another, much better novel exploring the damage and the contorting impact that money and success can have. As Nick remembers his father's advice:
In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. “Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
I'd always assumed those lines were about the ways Nick judges people less successful than himself and his own moneyed family. But perhaps they're a reminder to be careful in how we judge Gatsby, Daisy, and even Tom. Money, success, and (today) fame may bring temporal satisfaction, but we cannot forget the price they charge as well. Being normal--like Nick, like Jonny's audience, like me--has its advantages.
Grade: B-
Teddy Wayne's The Love Song of Jonny Valentine chronicles a piece of this modern world, as well as in the additional burdens placed on child stars, by following eleven-year-old superstar Jonny Valentine on his second cross-country tour. As Jonny deals with the re-emergence of his disappeared father, the challenges of puberty, and an increasingly slew of bad publicity, he also must rise the challenge of performing in sold-out arenas across the country. Wayne shines a satirical light on the trappings of celebrity--the hangers on who may or may not be true friends, the obsession with body image and media savvy attention to detail, the stereotypical manager/mom parental nightmare--but he also has a lot of sympathy for Jonny, who does not seem to realize when his parroting of the tabloid culture he lives in sounds more pathetic than knowing. He is, as the title indicates, a boy searching to be loved, and to define what exactly that means.
At times Wayne is overly obvious with his metaphors: Jonny's obsession with whether or not he is officially in puberty (and he models plenty of bad teenage behavior as the book goes on) is about as direct an acknowledgment as you could expect of the way he is trapped between the worlds of childhood and adulthood. His attempts at beating his favorite video game and his tutor's subject of choice (slavery) also have clear ties to Wayne's somewhat obvious sentiment that this sort of lifestyle may ultimately be extremely unhealthy for a child, tween, teen, or young adult--even the strongest of them. Subtlety is not his strong point in addressing this theme, but he does ultimately draw an interesting character in Jonny. While the young star idolizes the rare star that does seem to emerge unscathed (Tyler Beats, as obvious a Justin Timberlake stand in as Jonny for Justin Bieber), Jonny's future is no where near as certain, as increasing revelations about his own behavior and that of his mother and father threaten to drag him down. Yet as silly, spoiled, and naive as Jonny was, I did still find myself rooting for and sympathizing with him. And as I am as quick as most to roll my eyes at the endless line of child-stars who seem to go off the deep end (Miley Cyrus, Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, etc. etc. etc.) but Wayne reminds us with empathy that perhaps escaping such a fate is the exception rather than the rule and that children are after all children, and to expect them to grow up in such a crucible and come through unsinged is just not realistic. There is a cost for our entertainment, and it is paid with the souls of the entertainers.
It reminds me of the opening lines of The Great Gatsby--another, much better novel exploring the damage and the contorting impact that money and success can have. As Nick remembers his father's advice:
In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. “Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
I'd always assumed those lines were about the ways Nick judges people less successful than himself and his own moneyed family. But perhaps they're a reminder to be careful in how we judge Gatsby, Daisy, and even Tom. Money, success, and (today) fame may bring temporal satisfaction, but we cannot forget the price they charge as well. Being normal--like Nick, like Jonny's audience, like me--has its advantages.
Grade: B-
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