Elogio dell'imperfezione: Come vivere sereni senza essere perfetti

by Thomas Curran, Elisabetta Spediacci (translator)

Viviamo tempi che ci impongono di essere sempre perfetti. Ma se per cercare di esserlo stessimo perdendo l'essenza di quanto ci rende umani? E se bastasse, invece, pretendere meno per cambiare in meglio la nostra vita e anche un po' il mondo?


Sono troppo perfezionista. Quante persone rispondono cosí alla qual è il tuo peggior difetto? Lo fanno in realtà per esporre il loro piú grande pregio a chi dall'altra parte li sta giudicando. E molto spesso lo fanno perché sanno che è ciò che quasi ovunque ci si aspetta da la perfezione. Ma se l'ansia di non mostrarsi fallibili fosse davvero il nostro peggior difetto? Se la voglia di eccellere, di apparire migliori, che ci viene richiesta dal mondo in ogni campo - dal lavoro al modo in cui educhiamo i figli, fino alle foto delle nostre cene e delle nostre vacanze sui social -, ci stesse rovinando l'esistenza? Dobbiamo prendere buoni voti a scuola, anzi i migliori, dobbiamo distinguerci, avere successo, arricchirci, senza mai pensare alle conseguenze che questa smania di arrivare primi avrà sugli altri e su noi stessi. Angosciati dalla quotidianità, ormai trasformata in una competizione costante, non siamo piú in grado di vivere a pieno nessun momento passato insieme agli altri. Sempre in gara con qualcun altro, non siamo mai davvero felici. Thomas Curran ci mostra, in modo brillante e dati alla mano, che sarebbe meglio smettere di eccellere a ogni costo e goderci la nostra umana e gioiosa imperfezione.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Business, Mental Health

285 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 16, 2024

About the author

Thomas Curran is an Associate Professor in the Department of Psychological and Behavioural Science at the London School of Economics. He is a world-leading expert on perfectionism. He has written for the Harvard Business Review, was featured in the New Scientist, and his work has been covered by publications including the Guardian, Telegraph, Wall Street Journal, and Ariana Huffington's 'Thrive Global' campaign. In 2018, he gave a TEDMED talk entitled 'Our Dangerous Obsession with Perfectionism is Getting Worse'.

Reviews

[Christine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an excellent book for anyone who is a perfectionist like I am. Whenever I read "self-help" books, I often feel like I am being lectured to. That was not the case with this one. Thomas Curran has a great writing style. He gets the points and data across in a very down to earth manner. When he was describing his first panic attack, I just sat and nodded my head... someone understands! The only thing keeping me from five stars is that I felt the book did not spend enough time on the "what can we do to fix it" question. There was lots of info on why we become perfectionists, but not a lot on how we escape it.

[Mikala · Rating 5 out of 5]

My mind has been completely shattered into a million pieces and then puzzled back into place by this book!!!!! 💣 "The Perfection Trap" is one of those very special books that leaves you better than it found you.

This book is so smart. I swear it is on another level. This author is so well spoken, so well researched. How do I get my brain on this level? How do I articulate myself like this?! Every piece of this content is a truth bomb just like mind-blowing Straight facts!

◙ "Perfectionism exposes our dreams for nothing more than dead ends."
◙ "The answer to that deeper question 'am I enough' is always over the horizon. Just like the horizon, it recedes as we approach." 🤯

22% "Coping strategy to hide vulnerability and maintain a perfect façade"....this section hit me deep in my soul....

◙ Chapter 4. "drained self-regulation" This is EYE OPENING
◙ "Pursuit of excellence, not perfection."
◙ "Their self-worth hangs on the outcome of their efforts."
◙ 30% in. Speaking on perfectionists: "They are inefficient allocators of where that over-striving is allocated."
◙ "PERFECTIONISM HAS NO RELATION TO SUCCESS." (HAAAAA love that for us)
◙ Chapter 9 on meritocracy was FACINATING
◙ Chapter 11 intro quote.🔥
◙"Deficit thinking"

I love in chapter 12 the section about being a perfectionist and that it is not all our own fault and a result of our own internal selves, I guess. But it's also a result of the society that we live in and the expectations placed upon us in our workplace and as people.
"Your economy needs you to internalize the core belief that you are not enough."

◙I love the metaphor about the tides and the times when you will just have to float where the tide goes.

◙ "We have an obsession with work that is quasi-religious." YESSS OMG LOL 👏
◙ "Taxing billionaires out of existence "


"Of course, basic income will be unpalatable to those who believe people are inherently lazy. In a meritocracy, you'll find it wielded quite a lot by people whose identities require moral justification for their privilege."
LIKE THIS JUST UNLOCKRD SOMETHING IN MY BRAIN I SWEAR

[Winnie · Rating 5 out of 5]

5/5

Well researched, accessible and eye opening - this book offers incredibly insightful links between societal issues and how they relate to perfectionism and socially conditioned insecurity


SERIOUSLY PURCHASE WORTHY SO SLAY SO SMART SO COOL

[Jennifer LaFleur · Rating 5 out of 5]

While written from the disciplinary perspective of psychology, this book does an excellent job of connecting observations about individual behavior to larger social structures. Like Byung-Chul Han's Burnout Society and Psychopolitics, Curran's book, among other things, considers how political economy influences what otherwise might present as mere personal proclivities and individual neuroses. Certainly of interest to those in the world of psychology but also to those of us in sociology and the social sciences, broadly. Especially a good (maybe therapeutic?) read for those of us from working-class backgrounds who, in our professional lives, mistakenly feel like we're summoners of nothing, in particular.

[Jack Knorps · Rating 4 out of 5]

Frankly, this is an important book that everyone should read. Especially if you go through life feeling like half a person. Full review @ https://flyinghouses.blogspot.com/202...

[Duckoffimreading · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great perspective on how the ever increasing goals of our economy sets us up for not only an impossible goal, but an internalizing of being less than perfection. Thomas Curran put into words something I've recognized about my own life - when is good enough enough, when is having enough enough, why am I toiling in a bullshit job to collect a paycheck that is pursued by advertisers, marketers, big corporations - etc. And I live comfortably! For the vast majority that are paycheck to paycheck and simply DON'T have enough, life is impossible. The goal to attain, to measure our worth by status, money, jobs, what we have is not living. The younger generations have figured it out early: they can't afford the BASIC American dream - home ownership, kids, 2 cars, vacations, retirement. This is a lie we have been sold by our government and change needs to happen NOW. Countries that are focusing their policies on happiness quotients, conservation, ensuring all citizens have a basic standard of living, work life balance (or less working, more living) are on the right track. Curran talks about the endless hamster wheel of working hard to have more is a losing proposition. I love the idea of Universal Basic Income, of pursuing what makes us feel fulfilled and happy instead of wasting away in bullshit jobs to make shareholders and CXO's even richer than they are. We need balance, and balance comes with GOOD ENOUGH. This also made me reflect on how I parent, perfection vs good enough and what really matters. Relationships, mental health, contentment is what matters - not what school you went to, job you have or number in your bank account.

[Bruno Freitas · Rating 1 out of 5]

The title could be “the anti-meritocracy crusade”. It almost sounds like an attempt to push an ideological indoctrination.
It starts with a good framework of perfectionists’ archetypes, and some data on its progress over time.
Then suddenly jumps into a rant against meritocracy based on feelings and some anecdotal evidence. Most of the anecdotal evidence can be dismissed with opposite anecdotal evidence.
The author tries to make meritocracy’s imperfections as absolute reasons to abolish it, without showing the actual counterfactual (i.e. what would it be without any meritocracy whatsoever). It stretches to the limit of questioning economic growth, ignoring that has been the key driver to reduce poverty all over the world (somewhere in the end classifying as merely… “important”).
Then the author ignores luck as part of success (and not a fundamental reason to abolish meritocracy), to later on mention luck en-passant as a means to tell the readers they should not feel bad for failure, with self-help-like quotes of “good enough to deserve”. It even says perfectionists are as they are “because our economy and culture requires and celebrates it”. Seriously?
The author fails to recognize that people who put an effort to succeed should not be punished by each one’s definition of “good enough”. It’s a fundamental pillar of freedom.
In the last chapter, the author went on a slippery slope of arguments defending economic stagnation (smartly renamed as “steady state economy”…), with solutions that include “an army of social planners”… You get where the author is going… We’ve seen it, history is there for those who want to know what happened.
Misses practically all basic economics principles…

[Kristine R. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very interesting book! I expected this to be a psychology book, and it started out that way—spectrum of perfectionism as a social construct, based on who it originates with and who it is being inflicted upon (self or others). It eventually turns into more of an economics book: how pressures from the cycle of consumerism affect our desire to be (or at least seem) “perfect.” I’m going to be thinking about this book for a long time.

[Samarium Gibson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly eye opening and mind altering. This book has helped make sense of habits and mindsets of not only myself but of others around me. It gave me a bigger understanding of life in our society. Maybe at some point I may have subconsciously suppressed the awareness of human behaviors and circumstances we find ourselves in but this book has helped open my mind to another level of awareness.

[Bartek Kurkiewicz · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book raises awareness, enables understanding of the causes of perfectionism, and provides tools for self-improvement. A fantastic read that, in my case, has influenced my approach to parenting, marriage, relationships with parents, friends, work, and emotional self-control. Definitely one of the most important and impactful books I've read so far.

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fantastic book. As a perfectionist, I've never felt more seen or understood, and I'm walking away from this with a deeper understanding of what it means to be enough. Curran's writing style, anecdotes, and evidence-based approach make this a must-read; I highly, highly recommend it!

[Robert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great set of ideas to explore and well presented. Worthwhile for all to read to see an alternative take of capitalism.
I largely agree with the points in the book on how at the personal level to better deal with the growth at all costs culture we live in.
I will be thinking about something that wasn’t discussed heavily in the book, why is this the dominant organizing world view? If we assume that the world is relatively safe from violence, or at least from heavy economic competition, then in a world of abundance and safety there are clearly options to have better health and happiness as a society with less needed growth. My worry is that the world is dominated by growth at a costs economies simply because they outgrew other economies and have thus succeeded economically and militarily, and resultantly either imposed their system on others, or resisted any take over of their own. If this is correct, then the important question to attack is how to remove the drive to growth via the negative use of perfectionism while also making those systems that undertake this shift resilient against other systems that remain growth and all costs?

[kaitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was surprised how lowkey radical this book was lol. It’s a self-help book trojan horse with a takedown of capitalism hidden inside. I read this at the perfect time — it encapsulates so many feelings I’ve been having about the unsustainability of the animation industry, job market, and general economy. I feel strongly to my core that we’re speeding quickly towards some collapse. 😀

Anyways, I recommend anyone who’s felt the pressure to succeed, which is basically everyone, to read this and acknowledge the trap of meritocracy and grind culture in their worlds, whether it’s academia, computer science, animation, or whatever.

That all being said, I think the book can be disheveled and underdeveloped at times, and I would love for the author to expand on how perfectionism can encompass more than just “perfection” (for example, striving to always be excellent or exceptional but not “perfect” is still difficult and possibly unhealthy). As much as the title says “The Power of Good Enough,” I don’t think the author delves into that enough. But I do appreciate how realistic and grounded he stays in our current context.

On a separate note, how can I k*ll LinkedIn?

[Jessica Power · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not what I expected but I loved it! The second half of the book is focused more on economics, a topic I wouldn’t normally enjoy but I was hooked on every word. The author’s take on our ‘malfunctioning society’ mirrors my exact beliefs about society, and is why I’ve removed myself from social media and the corporate world. Hearing him explain how utterly messed up western society is made me feel even more confident about my decision. Perfectionism will be hard to overcome, but I’m hoping these life changes will be a step in the right direction.

“What we don’t need right now is to keep on running. What we need is a way to slow down. We’ll make few meaningful inroads into perfectionism until we accept that fact. Until we’ve decided we’d rather rehabilitate ourselves, communities and ecosystem than have a few more toys and gadgets. Until we realise that economic growth is always a trade off, and not worth it if the trade off is our health and happiness.”

[Jenine · Rating 5 out of 5]

A MUST-READ. Well researched, excellently written, and open our narrow minded brains to the most important topics.
By far one of the most important books I’ve read.

[Hemant Phul · Rating 5 out of 5]

I pre-ordered this book (Audible) in May so it does point that I was looking forward to this book and I am happy to say that it was a book worth listening (in my case) to. Perfection, in my understanding meant only one thing, strive to be the best. Breaking down the perfections into the types got the ball rolling for me. And then connecting those types to my own life, was indeed a light-bulb moment! The book makes it very easy to understand the concept and Thomas has done a good job to provide stories as examples to better understand the concepts.
I want to congratulate Thomas on his hardwork and I could connect to some examples almost instantaneously(like his TED talk experience). Understanding how consumerism and economy needs perfectionism to stay was eye opening! Overall, it is a good listen/read and it does bring out both, data backed evidence and authors own perspective on perfectionism.
Good job!

[Nakedfartbarfer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good précis on how we’re being driven to the brink by advertising, social media and meritocratic myth making in order to keep us insecure and consuming in the search for effortless perfection in our lives. It’s a benign enough, if urgent, topic and I was surprised that book also comes to the right conclusions, far beyond a digital detox- our current economic models do not serve humanity, and we’re going to have to defeat the psychopaths that own most of Earth's resources, along with their detestable toadies in government, but it will likely only happen after we leech another quadrillion dollars worth of stakeholder value from the earth & our species, accompanied by a lot of preventable suffering.

[Dean · Rating 5 out of 5]

Edit #2: It’s been a month, and I can confidently say that this book has drastically improved my life. The effects were subtle at first, but as I have continued to practice acceptance, the crushing pressure of my self-oriented perfectionism has just quietly dissipated. Good riddance. I highly recommend that any sufferers of perfectionism read this book, take notes, and review those notes on a regular basis (might I suggest using Anki for spaced repetition?).

Edit: I went back and reread the highlights in the first half of the book. Turning this into a five-star review. The three-star review below was largely driven by denial, and not acceptance (which is incidentally the authors suggestion for overcoming perfectionism…).

This took me almost a year to read. Not because the writing was bad or anything (it’s not), but because it made me face my inner demons with too much clarity. The reason it’s not rated higher is because it didn’t tell me much more than I’ve already figured out, other than just how extreme and unhealthy my self-oriented perfectionism has gotten relative to the general population. :(

[Onyx · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my god this book broke my brain in the best way. I am recommending it to perfect strangers and Lyft drivers and family and friends and everyone because everyone needs to learn that they are enough, just as they are, imperfectly. Fuck perfection. We are good enough.

[Vanessa Do · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just finished reading this book. It was so insightful and enjoyable that I’m planning on reading it again!

Every sentence has been meticulously crafted. I found myself pausing every now and then, just to fully appreciate the ingenuity of the vivid language used - “thanking the arsonist for handing you a hose as your house flickers in flames” is an image that will never escape me …!

The book helped me to understand the different dimensions of perfectionism and the role that society plays in exacerbating unhealthy perfectionistic behaviours. I found it incredibly liberating to be able to connect this to my own experiences, and to know that although it is partly embedded in my genes, it is well within my control to apply my perfectionism in the right way.

While “just being good enough” is a fairly provocative message to deliver, Thomas provides a strong case for accepting yourself as you are. If we can come to appreciate that being human is about experiencing both the highs and lows, we can enjoy life just as it is.

[Stephanie Seymour · Rating 3 out of 5]

oops i finished this like 5 days ago but it was kinda whatever i feel like it was lowkey the same as the other book

[Ethan Dias · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book captivated me from start to finish. Having followed Dr. Curran through articles, podcasts, and TEDx talks, seeing his extensive research come together in one cohesive work is truly remarkable.

The seamless blend of personal anecdotes, colleagues' and students' experiences, and meticulously reviewed research offers a comprehensive view of the prevailing surge of perfectionism on campuses, at workplaces, and in homes.

In my eyes, Thomas Curran is very much the Andrew Huberman for behavioral science. Translating rigorous academic research into digestible evidence for the everyday reader.

[Aish · Rating 5 out of 5]

Research-based, data-backed, crystal-clear account of how perfectionism is feeding into and off of a pervasive culture that's obsessed with growth and how this rise is impeding our overall well-being. It's touching and thought-provoking all at once. If you've ever thought of yourself as a perfectionist who's always chasing impossible standards while fearing failure or you know someone who fits this description, this phenomenal book is a must-read. It offers a powerful perspective on overcoming perfectionistic pressures and genuine hope for a happier life.

[Jeff White · Rating 1 out of 5]

I began reading this book in earnest and enjoyed Part 1 which outlined the existence of perfectionism and reported on the research of Hewitt and Flett. Had I stopped there I would have given it a 4/5 rating. While Part 2 held my interest, the remainder of the book was nothing more than a regurgitation of popular leftist ideologies, such as basic income, in way-over-the top verbosity that had little-to-no connection to perfection. Thus what began as a promising read on an interesting subject ended in disappointment.

[Kevin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a must read for those who want to challenge their current thoughts and beliefs regarding many facets of life. You quickly see how the author brilliantly looks at each of these facets and draws them together (continuously referring back to them) to draw the reader into evaluating his/her current beliefs.
Thank you Thom for using your time and talents to produce such a great read.

[Liz Mc2 · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was full of surprises. I expected standard self-help/popular psychology and wasn’t surprised by references to Kristin Neff and Tara Brach; I did not expect references to Karen Horney, Theodor Adorno, and Thomas Piketty, or an argument for a steady-state (vs. growth-oriented) economy and UBI as ways to combat perfectionism.

The author is a psychologist and there is a good review of the research on perfectionism and suggestions for how to combat it—primarily self-compassion and self-acceptance, and a focus on being “good enough.” But he also argues that only some of our perfectionism can be attributed to genes and early experiences, and a lot comes from our social context: an economy that depends on persuading us we are not good enough so that we keep buying and striving and it keeps growing.

This is a lot for one book to take on and it’s not all fully developed, but the book was far more interesting than I anticipated. I would have appreciated a little more practical self-help advice, but I know I can go to Neff for more on self-compassion. On the other hand, I think maybe the best thing a perfectionist can hear is that your perfectionism is not your fault and fixing it through self-help strategies is not just another self-perfecting labor you must take on. I found this provocative and helpful, and am very glad I listened.

[Carrie Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dang this book ate. From a relatively mild and technical opening on the multiple types of perfectionism, this book morphed into a total takedown of supply side economics, the fallacy of capitalism-as-freedom, and the endless growth model our debt/credit-based societies are now based on! The book resonated with me on a number of levels, and is far removed from the individualist “self help” book I expected. Well plaid, sir!

[Len · Rating 5 out of 5]

Intelligent interesting well written book on the causes of a great deal of unhappiness in this unforgiving world

[Sibz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a book I will come back to from time to time. I used to think being a perfectionist is a good thing. But this book shows me how limiting that is. I am learning to let go and be happy with good enough.

“We are what we are, and what we are is good enough.”

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not striving for perfection??? In this economy?!? That’s the gist of it and for those of us with a work ethic and passion that can make us go into overdrive until burnout (we generally know who we are), there’s some helpful ideas in here about how to resist and recognize the systemic pressures driving that behaviour. And still, the author acknowledges that working towards excellence or being dedicated to something to experience that awesome flow state rather than maximum productivity is still a great goal. Remember doing things because you just loved doing them?

Probably not the best book to listen to on 2x speed just to meet some arbitrary number of books you hoped to read in 2024. It might even help you rethink that whole premise while encouraging you to fight for systemic change.