Once Upon a Nightmare: Through the Looking Glass of Narcissistic Abuse

by Rebecca J. Craig

From Hollywood to parish ministry, Once Upon a Through the Looking Glass of Narcissistic Abuse is a moving memoir that tells the tale of how a pastor's quest to fulfill the simple dream of “happily ever after” turned into an upside-down wonderland of narcissistic abuse, lies and federal prison. Through her artistic lens, the author delves into the complexities of her relationship, revealing the psychological dynamics of narcissism and its impact on her spiritual journey, including how the church both helped—and hindered—her recovery. The accompanying illustrations capture the essence of her emotional struggles, mirroring her quest for healing and self-discovery. Weaving together faith, fairy tales and art, this is a haunting tale of what happens when your Prince Charming becomes the villain in your story, and why one should never settle for Prince “Good Enough.”

251 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 28, 2024

Reviews

[Janjojerem · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were a lot of things to like about this book. In particular, it had one of the best discussions about forgiveness that I have ever read.

[Nathaniel · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once Upon a Nightmare is a sometimes-terrifying but ultimately hopeful ride through the real life of a Disney writer turned pastor and happily-ever-after-seeker who finds happiness, but not until after a marriage story much too dark for Disney.

I am not a memoir person. I read cyberpunk and Africanfuturism and theology and sociology but have never in my life been drawn to memoirs. Rebecca J. Craig’s debut, along with Anna Gazmarian’s Devout, has caused me to reconsider.

It’s not just the story arc that draws me in, though her life story sounds made for fiction at times (and, full disclosure, I know it’s not made-up because I knew her in seminary and have kept in touch occasionally since then).

What really grabbed me is her refusal to reduce situations and emotions to a feature-length-ready formulaic or black-and-white story.

She works through the pain of loving a narcissist, her own mental health, physical and financial challenges, and impossible decisions without either sugar-coating or adding drama. Instead, she explains them, with the help of accessible quotes from psychologists, theologians, scientists, and literature, using her own paintings, one of which provides the keystone for each chapter, as frames for the struggles and how her faith and community have helped her through them.

Also, while fully admitting the damage her marriage caused her and the risk her ex-husband put her in, she resists reducing him to a monster, recognizes that he too had complex mental health issues, and that, ultimately, he too was made in the image of the same God as her.

Don’t read this if you’re looking for a screen-friendly fairy tale neatly tied up with a ribbon. But also don’t read this looking for permission to hate people who hurt you. But if you’re ready to learn about the experience of disentangling one’s life from deeply troubled people, ready to find hope in the midst of pain, and ready to be challenged to a messy, beautiful life of faith, I recommend starting here.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

You can tell an excellent book when you can’t put it down. This book is that kind of book and here’s why:

1. The author’s thematic approach—leveraging her Disney experience to underscore the stark contrast between original fairy tales and their sanitized Disney renditions—brilliantly gives a unique lens through which to view her experience.

2. It’s so much more than just a memoir as it offers a powerful testament to overcoming adversity.

It will resonate with those who have endured challenges, uplift those facing them now, and guide others in spotting warning signs to avoid finding themselves in a similar situation.

3. The author’s transparency and vulnerability in recounting her personal experience is not only inspiring but also deeply impactful.


Jamel S

[Laura Hennen · Rating 5 out of 5]

With complete transparency and utter rawness, Rebecca Craig shares a look into her deeply unique yet relatable for all too many story of what looked to be a chance at happiness turned terrifyingly wrong. She weaves in her faith (she’s a pastor after all!) and incredible artistic ability, giving look at where fairy tales got it wrong and the reality of being fooled by a narcissist. A must read for anyone who’s been down the rabbit hole of a misrepresented relationship. Couldn’t put it down!

[Sarah Locke · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve read a lot of memoirs. I’ve read a lot about abuse and narcissism and bad men and bad systems. And this is the one I needed in this time. Somehow, through the stories of narcissistic abuse, there is hope and beauty. Rebecca is a fantastic artist who has gifted us with her story.

[B Dohle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Pastor Craig's book is brilliantly written. She lays the story out as a fairy tale, one which sadly never comes to a happy ending. This gives her own memoirs focus and framework. Her use of her own painting is superb as well. Not only is each painting an incredible work of art, but each has a purpose in the overarching narrative itself. Each painting carefully details in art what she later goes on to describe in her writing. Finally, her ability to go back and forth, from pastoral to a personal voice, is truly outstanding. In a world full of books written down to others, this one is refeshingly honest and vulnerable.
I would recommend her book to everyone. Those familiar with narcissists will find someone in her pages who understands what they are going through and will find empathy and compassion for their story there. Those who are not familiar with narcissists will have their eyes open to those around them. May this book help others who, like her, struggle with abusive, narcissistic spouses.

[Carol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rebecca Craig has lived a very difficult and challenging life in the relationship realm. Her memoir is real, genuine, insightful, difficult to read at times, and other times filled with hope. Even though living happily ever after has not occurred in her life, she has grown and blossomed into a woman who is able to relate to anyone who is or has been in a narcissistic relationship. As a Christian counselor, I highly recommend this book for anyone who is, has been, or has a friend in such a relationship. I would also caution that when reading this book, you have someone you can process with if you yourself have been in such a relationship to assist you in not being hard on yourself, but instead being encouraged that God loves you and will help you though in the support around you. Well written and well said, Rebecca! I will recommend this book to my clients.

[Brittney Doll · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Once Upon a Nightmare" is a riveting journey through the complexities of faith, fear, and redemption, masterfully crafted by Pastor Rebecca Craig. With unwavering courage, Rebecca delves into the darkest corners of human experience, weaving together a tapestry of hope amidst despair. Her poignant storytelling and profound insights illuminate the path toward healing and restoration, reminding readers that even in the depths of our nightmares, there is always a glimmer of divine light. This book is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and a beacon of inspiration for anyone navigating through life's most challenging moments. Dive into its pages and discover the transformative power of faith and the triumph of the human soul.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

We sometimes throw around the word "narcissist" to describe someone who is egotistical or self-centered. It is so much more, a personality disorder. Rebecca Craig is an excellent writer and artist, so while her story is very heavy at times, her wit keeps us from falling into despair. A must-read book for everyone because if you haven't already known a narcissist, you or a loved one will.