I Promise to Be Better

by Erinn Keala

Embark on an emotional rollercoaster with I Promise to Be Better, a riveting novel that unravels the complex love story of Emily and Shane.

Teenage Emily, plagued by abandonment issues stemming from her parents’ failed marriage, finds desperately-needed comfort in Shane. Despite him being six years older, the pair form a hidden bond and fall madly in love.

The story takes a dark turn as it delves into the intricate layers of a toxic relationship. Entering adulthood, Emily moves to a new country with Shane. Jealousy, infidelity, manipulation and abuse propel this narrative into a heart-wrenching exploration of love's darkest corners.

Based on true events, this gripping tale is a poignant reflection of love’s destructive power and the empowering pursuit of self-discovery. Brace yourself for an intense journey through the complexities of love, and the resilience required when promises are put to the ultimate test.

** Content Warning: This book contains potentially triggering subject matter including manipulation, gaslighting, domestic abuse, and intimate partner violence. Please read with care.

276 pages, Paperback

Published April 11, 2024

About the author

Erinn Keala is a self-published author who believes writing is one of the best forms of self-expression. This is her first, and perhaps only, novel – written from the depths of her worst memories in an effort to bring healing to herself and others.

Reviews

[Jennifer Kappes · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was given to me as an advanced reader copy in return for my honest review. With that being said, this review is going to be a bit longer than my normal, "great read!" or "loved it!".
Not just because I said I would review it, but because it deserves it. This book hits home in a personal way. It discusses toxic relationships at a young age. It has love and heartache and how confusing both those terms mean as we are growing and learning.
I will say this book definitely needs to come with some trigger warnings for domestic violence, narcissistic behaviors, and gaslighting.
This is a self published book and I am just so proud of it for the author. Only reason why I gave it 4 stars instead of 5 is because I want to hear a continuation of the ending. It's not a cliff hanger, but I want to read more of her journey.

[aly · Rating 5 out of 5]

You know those books that you cannot put down and you stay up till 3am because you NEED to know what happens next, what will our main character do? Well that was me last night with “I promise to do better”.
I found a part of myself in Erinn’s story so it was like I could feel what she felt in a way. I was frustrated, upset, understanding , and happy by the time I finished the book. This is the kind of story that will sit with me for a while. I definitely recommend to others.
I hope Erinn writes another book because I want to know more.

[Priscilla Lynn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really adored this book. I found it so similar to my first relationship. It took me a long time to heal from that one and this book really captured a lot of moments I lived through as well. It was perfectly written and I finished it in a day as I could NOT put it down. I hope she decides to write more books because I love this one so much and relate to it 🖤

[Tara Curtis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I promise to be better
Trigger warning: Domestic violence

I read this book in 1 day. In that day I went through almost every emotion, I was happy, I was mad, I even rolled my eyes a time or two. I understood the fight between her head & her heart and I had to know her ending!

At times, it felt like I was reading my own manuscript because I related so much to Emily:
•high school sweetheart turned spouse
•civilian life to military life
•Depression & PTSD

Our difference was that I never continued with a relationship that tried to break me. Emily justified the manipulation and wound up marrying in hopes to change the behavior. Seclusion and acceptance of blame became her normal routine and I hated that for her. However, by the end, I was glad she found her strength and that he hadn’t completely stolen that from her. I’m glad she chose herself and her happiness.

[Gabrielle Gripton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great writing, book that sucked you right in, but knew exactly what was going to happen throughout the entire thing

[Melissa Brideson · Rating 5 out of 5]

thank you

For writing this book. I still have tears in my eyes for you, for me and for anyone else who reads these words you have so bravely shared for anyone who wishes to read them. While no two situations are ever alike the feelings you shared hit so hard and close to home of my own from my “previous life”. I too want to share my story, however I have chosen to wait until my 12 year old daughter is older. She was the reason I stayed so long and eventually the thing that forced me leave finally. Best decision I ever made for us. I am so sorry you had to experience any of that. No one deserves that. Even the isolation you felt tore at my soul. Thank you again for sharing your experience with the world and I am so happy that you as well have found the love that you deserve.

[Kimberly Hamilton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the ebook version of this story in a single sitting on plane. As an audiobook lover, I was thrilled to see the audio version come out and jumped at the chance to re-read it.

The audio version was perhaps even more engaging than the ebook. Erinn chose the perfect narrator to tell this emotional story, and it completely brought it to life. Again, I devoured the book in less than a day.

As a survivor of an abusive relationship in my early 20s myself, I appreciated Erinn’s honesty and candor. This is definitely a book that has stuck with me and I’m sure will continue to do so.

[Heather Hommowun · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot explain how riveting, real, raw, and accurate this is. I Hope very much this isn’t the final book Erinn writes.

I very much want to hear her story of healing. As a fellow survivor this is definitely not the final, nor the most important book in her story.

So honored she put herself out there on a milspo group I was in and chose to no longer suffer in silence 💙

[Sami · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book explores a true story of a toxic relationship. Emily, still a teen, enters into a relationship with Shane, an adult, who, in my opinion, took Emily's age to his advantage.

Emily wants love and acceptance, and Shane gives her that. In true abuser fashion, he love-bombs her, makes her feel special, only to turn around and make her feel awful about herself and choices. Like many people trapped in toxic relationships, Emily has a hard time getting out and finds herself pulled into Shane's "sorrys" and "I love yous." And the cycle begins again.

If you've never been in a toxic/abusive relationship, you likely don't understand how hard it is to leave. Erinn pulls back the curtain on emotional, verbal, and physical abuse in relationships and allows the reader to understand how isolating these types of relationships can feel and how difficult it can be to find the strength to leave these situations. Especially when you're far from friends and family.

I applaud the author in sharing her vulnerability and honesty in this book. I know having to relive some of those situations was absolutely heartbreaking.

The book was such an engaging and quick read. I highly recommend.

[Paige Begley · Rating 5 out of 5]

This literary gem captures the essence of strength, fortitude, and resilience. As I delved into its pages the author's ability to convey her experiences with such raw authenticity made it feel as though I was reading the pages of a dear friend's journal.

From the very first page, I was ivested, rooting for Emily every step of the way. Through the highs and lows, triumphs and challenges, her unwavering resilience shines through, serving as a beacon of hope and inspiration. Emily's courage in the face of adversity is nothing short of remarkable, and I found myself in awe of her strength.

What truly sets this book apart is its authenticity. The author bares vulnerability that is both captivating and empowering. As I turned each page, I felt a deep connection to her story, as if her triumphs and struggles were my own. It's rare to come across a book that feels so personal yet universally relatable, and this book achieves just that.

[Aubrey Snyder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this entire book in a single day. I typically read Christian fiction and closed door romances, I’m honestly not sure how this book came onto my kindle library but I’m glad it did.

Reading this book felt like a parallel to my own life and all the things I’ve been through. It felt like I had read my own story from a Birds Eye view. It made me angry at the red flags I ignored and it made me sad for the younger version who lost so many years to a man who used her. It was surprising yet gratifying to read someone else’s story and know that I’m not alone.

Chapter 38 is my absolute favorite. The analogy with the birds wings hit home. The song A Broken Wing by Martina McBride reminds me of my ex husband, and to see the bird’s wings analogy here just solidified that.

This is a story everyone should read. You never know if you or someone you love might find themselves in this situation.

[Laurel Druke · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars - this book - I couldn’t put it down. It is so well written, where you can imagine yourself witnessing the abuse or in the story with Emily. Emily goes through so many trials and tribulations and true honesty of wanting to leave an abuser but also feeling helpless and unable to survive without that person. I thankfully haven’t gone through this experience but can empathize with Emily of feeling isolated and lonely. These two debilitating feelings can completely disable our ability to transition to a step of normalcy.

I applaud Erinn for her writing, for her story and for her strength and resilience of writing this and how hard at times it must have been. I loved the part where HOPE became her saving grace. I welcome more books from Erinn. What a gift you have; thank you for sharing this with us. 🩷

[Lex Morote · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I loved everything about this book, i was i n such a reading slump and saw this book being promoted on a Facebook page and instantly downloaded it to my kindle and read it in a day. Stayed up til 1am reading and i haven’t done that since ACOMAF……
I really hope the author writes a second book about her healing journey, I would LOVE to read that.
Don’t get me wrong i was so mad at the main character at times and feel like I’m definitely more of an in-between Nikki and Gina as I’ve been the friend helping the other out in a toxic relationship and it’s not easy on any side.
Point blank read this book. Trust me.

[Kayla · Rating 5 out of 5]

I went to gradeschool with Erinn and observed her relationship as an outsider looking in so from the getgo I was intrigued by this book. Her writing style pulls you in and makes you feel like you are experiencing her journey. I couldn't be more proud of her for finding that self confidence and self worth in such a dark place. As someone who's ex husband also gaslighted and controlled me consistently and got out, I know first hand how much strength it takes to put your happiness first and leave a toxic relationship. Highly recommend to women who support other women!

[Samantha Hokky · Rating 5 out of 5]

I could not put this book down. I found myself utterly engrossed in the story. The author does an amazing job of describing her emotions, thoughts, and experiences, making me feel as if I was in the story with her. The story is such an important one as it depicts not only the manipulation and abuse of an extremely toxic relationship, but also the extreme highs that make it so difficult to leave such a relationship. While so many aspects of this story can be hard to read because of how horrible they were, it was beautifully written and completely sucked me in.

[Mrs Crossley · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was powerful and incredibly raw. I knew it would touch on trauma and manipulation, but I wasn’t ready for how accurately it captured the reality of domestic abuse and life with a narcissist. It was tough to read at times because it reflected so much of my own past. I spent nearly a decade in an abusive relationship with someone a lot like Shane, so this story hit hard.

Emily’s character development was one of the strongest parts. She starts off young and naive, falling for an older man who seems perfect at first. The slow shift into control and abuse was heartbreakingly realistic. Her growth and strength by the end made it all worth reading.

It brought up some painful memories for me personally, but it was still a great read. Thoughtfully written, emotional, and important. I give it four stars ⭐⭐⭐⭐

[Devon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is and heartbreaking. It goes undercover into a world of domestic abuse - mixed with an emotional coming of age experiences of being far away from home and living with the uncertainty of life as a young military spouse. While this story was hard to hear (I listened to the audiobook), it depicts an important picture of how a person can become entangled in a toxic relationship. The authors bravery in telling this story will give many others hope who find themselves in a similar situation.

[Lauren Warr · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh how I wish I had a book like this when I was 14. I saw so many parallels from my own past experiences in this book. I appreciate so much the rawness of this book, that the author held nothing back. I wish her and her husband so much happiness - for a lifetime and not just a long time. 🤍

Also, I was so here for all the subtle Taylor references throughout!! Quoting Clean right at the end was the most fitting one of all.

I have no doubt this book will help others. Thank you for your bravery.

[Em F · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have never in my life sobbed reading a book like I did this one. In almost every single way, this story was eerily similar to my own—right down to the protagonist’s name. Erinn, thank you for having the courage to share this story on your journey of healing. You don’t know how much it has helped me in my own journey of healing to read this book. I will most definitely be reading it again and again.

[Catbytheseareads ♡ · Rating 5 out of 5]

This story is going to be so very relatable to so many who've dating or married
a lying, cheating narcissist. The mental abuse really touched home and made me angry for the main FMC. It states it's fiction but is also based on true events that the author went through and I hate that I related. I picked this up and read it so very fast, it's so well written, interesting and will help many!
Thank you for writing this I hope one day you write some more.

[Anna Vaillancourt · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is an eye opening book on different kinds of abuse and how many women feel their situation is “not that bad.” It’s amazing to see a book that opens up about all the real life situations that can happen and that are fairly prevalent in the military community. Want an emotional rollercoaster of a book? Dive in! It’s a great story and can be very relatable for any young woman looking for love.

[Morgan Stigall · Rating 5 out of 5]

amazing

I have gone though an abusive relationship myself and it was crazy how much emotion this book sparked for me! The author definitely understood how to write gaslighting and from the victims stance. We often believe we are at fault because of the manipulation and the book was spot on for this. I hope to find more books as good as this one!

[Melissa Puentez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Must Read

I don't know how to start this review because this story really touched my heart , I lived it and had 3 daughters . Emily was smart to not have any kids. Living with a narcissist isn't easy or loving it's a horrible sad . All I can say is read this story. To the author Erinn Keala good story can't wait till I read more .

[dani gallant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t say enough things about this book

Unfortunately I fear most of us women have been through some version of the relationship in this book. Once I started reading, I just couldn’t put it down. This is my Roman Empire.

[Jamie Gregory · Rating 5 out of 5]

great read

This book was great
From the jump! Very relatable and kept my interest and curiosity the entire way! The author made me feel part of her life. Definitely recommend to another female!

[Hayley Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. I’m not sure if it was how much I related, or just the way it had me hooked in from the beginning about her story. Such a raw and vulnerable book, I loved it. Trigger warnings for sure on gaslighting, manipulation and DV. But just a powerful story.

[Abigail Westad · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is raw and real. I felt all the emotions of the FMC. This was a hard one for me but I read it in a day. It definitely kept my attention, but there are hard themes that struck a nerve with me.❤️

[ElsaReads · Rating 5 out of 5]

The amount of time the book had my throat SO TIGHT. So tight in I can practically felt her shame, her embarrassment that nowhere to go. What a ride of emotions for Emily and the promises she makes to herself at the end is just so heart wrenching.


AND SHANE WHEN I FIND YOU- WHEN I FIND YOU SHANE

[Sarah Allan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really needed an epilogue here to know (and hope) that he went on to live a pitiful existence of a life and she thrived. I experienced similar treatment in a relationship so reading this really hit home and resonated with me. 💔

[Carol Simmons · Rating 4 out of 5]

A Hard Read

Wow, this was my life for 30 years! I’m glad she wasn’t in it as long as I was and started over in a new place. I stayed in the same area and still have PTSD.