Everyone Was Silent: A memoir

by Diane Tarantini

DINA MARTINELLI GREW UP IN A FAMILY
WHERE EVERYONE WAS SILENT.
AND EVERYONE KEPT SECRETS.
INCLUDING DINA.For over three decades, Dina Martinelli—now a young wife and mother—keeps quiet about what happened in her family all those years ago. She doesn’t disclose what her brother Jude did to her, and she doesn’t discuss her lifelong relational war with her mother, Jean, due in part to Jean’s struggle with mental illness.

But one day, Dina breaks her silence, and after that—with counseling and faith—her life gradually begins to improve. She even manages to forgive Jude. For abusing her in multiple ways. For years.

Until the day Jean reveals that Jude is abusing the next generation of the family. Can Dina convince the family that never protected her to speak out and act to stop Jude?

For survivors and their loved ones, for anyone whose childhood suffering is denied and ignored, Everyone Was Silent is a courageous portrait of intrafamilial sexual abuse that will help us protect our children.

In Everyone Was Silent, Diane Tarantini—body safety educator in public schools, child safety expert, author of the child safety book, The Brave Knight, and sibling sexual abuse survivor—tells her own story in order support survivors of child sexual abuse, child on child sexual abuse, and sibling sexual abuseeducate loved ones about the survivor experienceprovide resources to survivors and their loved ones, as well as educators and professionals who work with youthIntroduce the concept of "sibling abuse," which can be physical, emotional, and/or sexualWhat people are saying about Everyone Was Diane Tarantini’s memoir of familial sexual abuse, Everyone Was Silent, crackles with tension from page one. The only daughter in a family of four siblings, she vividly describes how she dealt with her mother’s mental illness, her father’s emotional absence, and the cruel abuse of one brother. Yet, even as the events unfold, Tarantini’s writing is suffused with compassion, revealing how, with the help of her husband, her counselors, and her faith, she arrived at forgiveness for what she endured. Everyone Was Silent is a compelling read that offers an unflinching picture of an all too hidden issue. Kudos to her for her courage.
--Carter Taylor Seaton—award-winning author of four novels and four nonfiction works—holds the Governor’s Award for Lifetime Achievement in the Arts in West Virginia.Diane Tarantini's Everyone Was Silent tells a story that is both anguished and fragile, of one family long enduring the twin miseries of mental illness and generational abuse. There are no movie-of-the-week endings here, no neat resolutions. What there is instead is the other story, one of enduring faith and dependence on God's grace, and of the possibility of forgiveness in the midst of the toughest of circumstances.
--Brad Barkley, author of Alison’s Automotive Repair Manual, Dream Factory, and Scrambled Eggs at Midnight. Reasons to read Everyone Was You’re a fan of memoirs.

280 pages, Kindle Edition

Published April 13, 2024

Reviews

[Alice Perle · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Everyone Was Silent" by Diane Tarantini is a story that delves into the darkest corners of family secrets, intergenerational abuse, sibling violence, and the long shadow of silence that haunts survivors of sibling sexual abuse. It was a disturbing read, yet while children are experiencing abuse, we adults must read such difficult stories to learn, form our own opinions and think for ourselves: What can I do with what I read? We can use key takeaways from these stories to open up conversations. We may choose to become survivor allies or advocates and contribute to preventing such abuse from happening now and in the future. Sibling sexual abuse is preventable, and healing from the abuse, trauma, and repercussions takes a very long time. We can all be the change by choosing to care.

Speaking from lived experience, I felt the threads coming together of a family affected by the secrecy of non-disclosed abuses, societal shame and silence surrounding serious mental health conditions, and the dismissive attitudes and silence of parents. All of these compounded the trauma and illustrated the pervasive nature of denial and complicity. A chaotic and unstable family life is a common breeding ground for sibling sexual abuse to occur and continue unseen for an extended time, as little Dina and her beautiful brother Tom experienced. It broke my heart that fear and silence were the forces that ruled over this family, becoming the metaphorical garment that cloaked the children’s lives.

The author's raw and real share of her dysfunctional family of origin paints a graphic picture of a household in desperate need of intervention and holistic support. One of the notable aspects of the story is Dina’s strategic use of emails and letter writing, a tactic that others navigating similar situations might find helpful. The eventual involvement of the authorities was brave, hopeful and inspiring, yet highlighted the unresolved nature of justice and accountability and the risk that other children may be harmed by someone like Dina's now adult pedophile brother.

Diane Tarantini's book sheds light on the hidden horrors within families and underscores the urgent need for awareness, intervention, and support for those affected by sibling sexual abuse.

[Lauren Housman · Rating 5 out of 5]

I remember working in a restaurant decades ago, and someone who’d abused me came in and was seated in my section. I had a meltdown and hid from sight, and another server waited on that person. But what if I hadn’t been able to hide? What if my abuser was a family member? What if I had to see, interact with, and deal with the love/hate for years during and beyond the abuse? Tarantini’s memoir is an honest recounting of such a scenario.
Everyone Was Silent examines the complexities of familial relationships over time and through traumas, illnesses, anger, and death—and yet, there is grace, and hope, and healing, and joy here too, amidst the difficult (and page-turning) conversations, the attempts at understanding and forgiveness, the revelations of multi-generational family trauma, and the resources Tarantini herself used, and those she can now recommend as a fierce child safety advocate.

[Maria Socolof · Rating 5 out of 5]

This engaging and well-written memoir tackles a highly taboo topic that is mostly hidden in society. Diane bravely tells her story of sibling sexual abuse and the family dynamics surrounding it. It is heartbreaking yet Diane walks us through her story with grace. She exposes the complexity of this layered family trauma, including mixed and conflicting emotions surrounding this type of abuse, which is often unrecognized, minimized, or ignored, even by family members. She also addresses possible reasons for what might have led to the abuse happening in her family.

As a fellow survivor of sibling sexual trauma, I thank Diane for courageously sharing her story. I know how difficult it is to expose a deeply hidden family secret, but I also know how important it is to tell the truth. We each have unique stories to tell and each one is important to show the diversity and complexity of this type of intrafamilial sexual abuse. The more we tell our stories, the more other people might understand the tragic consequences, and the more we can face this epidemic as a society.

Everyone Was Silent is a compelling, quick read and well worth your time.

~Maria Socolof, Author of The Invisible Key: Unlocking the Mystery of My Chronic Pain and President/Cofounder of 5WAVES, Inc.

[Jane Epstein · Rating 5 out of 5]

In "Everyone Was Silent," Diane Tarantini takes you on a personal journey of surviving sibling sexual abuse, famity dynamics, and forgiveness. As a fellow survivor, I found myself deeply connected to her story, rooting for her every step of the way. Tarantini skillfully captures the complexities of the survivor experience, portraying the inner turmoil and the longing for understanding and validation. Through her journey, I felt a profound sense of solidarity, a reminder that no survivor is ever truly alone.

One of the most compelling aspects of the book is the familial dynamics and the impact of trauma on relationships. Tarantini doesn't shy away from exploring the effects of abuse, including the challenging ways parents handle disclosure and the internal struggle survivors face in questioning the severity of their experiences. These themes hit close to home for many survivors.

"Everyone Was Silent" isn't just another read. It's Diane opening up her world, showing that stepping through the darkness with hope is possible, and giving a shout-out to anyone with similar scars who would understand. And you know, when you finish the book, the ending blindsides you—in a good way. Diane's not only crafted something special, but she's also kind of amazing herself. Reading her story, you can't help but think she's got this incredible vibe, and it's pretty easy to see how someone could become seriously fond of her. I highly recommend this book to other survivors and those who care for survivors. Every story and healing process is different, but I think we will all see ourselves in some part of Diane's story.

[Gene McLeod · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone Was Silent could be subtitled “A Monster Lives Among Us.” It is an uncomfortable cautionary tale.

This well-written memoir documents the experience of having a physically and sexually abusive sibling (who was the worst among the worst - a pedophile). The author delivers a brutally honest account, holding nothing back.

The book gives much attention to how this family struggles with how to deal this horror show. Their reaction is a complex soup of shame, anger, hope, career insecurity, privacy, personalities, mental health conditions, and religious interpretations – which (IMO) get in their way of better judgement. The anatomy of why “everyone was silent”.

The book concludes with a wonderful epilogue – a clear, sober and rational reflection of what happened (hindsight is always “20-20”). The victims (including the author) certainly were not at fault. But the author states in the epilogue that the parents and the 3 siblings of the monster failed at how to effectively manage this horrific and complicated situation created by the monster.

Many families would fail if confronted with something so extraordinarily awful as this. The author is no longer silent, because the public needs to be aware. Which makes this a very important read.

[Wendy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone Was Silent traces the long journey of a woman learning to speak the truth, and then to live in the aftermath of both the silence and the truth-telling. Tarantini doesn’t create drama for its own sake; instead, she allows the story to unfold gently, revealing the high cost of carrying secrets that should never have been hers.
To read Everyone Was Silent is to witness a reclaiming of voice, one word at a time. It invites the reader to reflect on the silences we each carry—and what it might take to finally break them.
A powerful, hopeful, quietly haunting read.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once I started reading, I could not put this book down. I found myself angry at times, sad at times, and yes, even happy at times. Diane has let us into her story, her journey from victim to survivor. Along the way, my admiration for her has grown. I do not have a history of abuse (Thank you, God) but I work with children who sometimes do. By writing this memoir, she has shown that you can overcome.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and hopeful all at the same time. The situation is very black and white, right and wrong. But the human psyche is so much more complex. Diane does a wonderful job of illustrating those complexities. I would recommend the book to anyone. Statistics are staggering and we should all be more aware.

[Kelly Shaw · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gripping, honest, messy, and yet still hopeful, Diane Tarantini tells us the story of the woman who suffered abuse when she was just “little Dina” and is confronting the truth of what happened to her that never should have. I had a hard time putting this one down, and there were a lot of practical takeaways in addition to it being a a well-told story.

[Lucy Briggs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the first book I’ve read on incest. Heard the author speak at a University of Charleston talk, wow.
I was captured most by the first third of the book.

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is great for anyone wanting to understand what it is like living in a dysfunctional family, especially with instances of sibling sexual abuse.

[Carter Seaton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone Should Read This

Even if sexual abuse never touches you or one you love, this powerful memoir will illuminate that complicated family dynamic and make you cheer for its survivors and mourn for its perpetrators. A rare feat. Brava, Diane. I couldn’t put it down.