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204 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 1994
Ann: You can’t compare everything to Hilter. [Yep. We’re goin’ there.]
Interviewer: My name is Cassidy. And there may be a song I’m named after that you might–
Ann: NO!!1!1! YOU’RE CASSIDDYYYY??????
Al: I suppose you get tired of being asked what it’s like to be the new member of the Grateful Dead.
Brent Mydland: Yeah, I’m getting real burned out on the new guy image here.
Al: So Brent, what’s it like being the new member of the Grateful Dead?
Brent: A lot of people asking me what it’s like being in the Grateful Dead.
Al: Uh huh.
Interviewer: Did the Grateful Dead give you and Al Franken something to talk about during your debates?
Ann: Apart from Al Gore, Al Franken is the most un-Deadhead like person I know of who purports to be a Deadhead.
On “Nightline,” Madonna bizarrely called the video a “celebration of sex.” She imagined happy educational scenes where curious children would ask their parents about the video. Oh, sure! Picture it: “Mommy, please tell me about the tired, tied-up man in the leather harness and the mean, bare-chested lady in the Nazi cap.” O.K., dear, right after the milk and cookies.
If you vote for Hillary Clinton I will give you a blowjob. I’m really good. I’m not a douche and I’m not a tool. I make eye contact and I do swallow.
One look at her should tell you she is bad news. Until today I didn’t know who she was, because I am 58 and have better things to do than listen to crap “music”. But the classical music station I listen to in my long drive to the grocery store was playing Schoenberg, so I hit scan and was immediately taken one station up, to NPR, which was of course pushing Billie Eilish on its audience. I say “of course” because of course NPR is a CIA front and so is Eilish. What isn’t?
No trench foot there. The last one is yogi toes, since I do yoga with Miles and I have never seen anyone spread their toes so far.
PUT YO CHAIN ON, N*GGA
That revolution was in many ways similar to AIDS… (p. 163)
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