Too Safe For Their Own Good: How risk and responsibility help teens thrive

by Michael Ungar

In this well thought-out and lucid book, Michael Ungar makes a compelling case for us to stop bubble-wrapping our children. Healthy risk-taking is a crucial component of identity formation and Ungar provides a much-needed guide for parents looking to find the right balance between healthy risks and harmful ones.' - Michael Carr-Gregg, adolescent psychologist and author of The Princess Bitchface Syndrome
Ungar's thought-provoking book is both wise and practical. All of us parents, therapists and educators who work with adolescents will benefit from his ideas on what teenagers require for optimal growth. This is a paradigm-shifting book.' - Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia
While our kids are safer now than they have ever been, we are constantly fearful for them. We drive them everywhere, organise their time, and cocoon them from every imaginable danger, assuming we're doing the right thing. Even when they are teenagers we continue to manage their lives. Without intending to, we may be holding back their development.
In this ground-breaking new book, internationally renowned family therapist and social worker Michael Ungar shows why our constant need to keep our kids safe often puts them in harm's way. By protecting them from failure and disappointment, challenge and responsibility, many of our children are missing out on the benefits that come with manageable amounts of risk.
Accessible, inspiring and practical, Too Safe For Their Own Good helps concerned parents set appropriate limits and provides concrete suggestions for allowing children the chance to experience the rites of passage that will help them become competent, happy, thriving adults.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Education

259 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 13, 2007

Reviews

[Bojan Land · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book repeats the same point throughout each chapter but with different words. It drives home the fact that you should let your kids learn to ride a bike even though they may spill. The risk of falling is smaller than the lessons learned while riding a bike with friends. Though this example was nowhere in the book, I feel it properly explains what the whole book talks about. The author mentions some concepts like 4Cs and 4Ds, but these aren't that important to memorize. The overall message of this book is that you should not frown upon all risky behaviour, as long as the rewards are greater. In fact, risky behavior isn't even what is encouraged, rather, the author suggests that calculated risks are involved in almost all rewarding activity. Just think of a kid learning to climb a tree. They may fall, sure, but most don't and reach the top and feel wonderful with the awesome view. I found much inspiring words in this book and read it faster than even a great thriller. Wonderful advice!

[Shannon Gillis · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that really resonated with me. I read it several years ago and the thoughts presented by the author shaped how I raised my children. Understanding that it’s okay for kids to have ‘healthy risks’ in their lives was a solid takeaway for me. In fact, my kids would often quote this book to me when they were asking for permission to do something adventurous!

[Lindsay Smith-Munoz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish that there had been a whole chapter devoted to finding risks that teenagers can take, when they feel the urge. He admitted the difficulty in finding substitute risks.

[surpriseitsnada · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read about how to parent or relate to kids. It tells of how our kids are safer than ever, yet we (well, parents) are sanitizing their lives so much and not offering safe "risks" to take. He talks about what kids want (to feel grown up, like part of their community, etc.). I stopped reading halfway through because it started to feel redundant. It's still a good read. Some things I wouldn't have thought about, like if your kid wants to go to a concert until 4 a.m. in another city, you can suggest an alternative that still offers some risk/responsibility to help the kid feel responsible for themselves, fulfilled, and adventurous. I bookmarked pages 18, 19, 60, 84, and 86 as particularly interesting.

[Stacy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really appreciated Ungar's writing but the topic area was fascinating. His stories from clinical practise and supporting research are great. Children definitely need risk and responsibility and this book provides the support for it.

[Kristen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Insightful! A good read for any parent, teenager or young adult. It helped me to understand some of the decisions I made as a teenager.