Só depende de mim: Como conhecer e aceitar a si mesmo e viver com autenticidade e sentido

by Sara Kuburic, Nina Lua (translator)

“Sara fala sobre a sensação de estarmos perdidos e nos estimula a assumir a responsabilidade por nossas escolhas.” – Nedra Glover Tawwab, autora de Defina limites e encontre a paz




Terapeuta existencial, Sara Kuburic nos mostra como conquistar um profundo senso de conexão consigo mesmo e criar uma vida mais autêntica, vibrante e significativa.




Muitas pessoas se sentem solitárias, insatisfeitas ou aprisionadas em relacionamentos ou ciclos de autossabotagem.

De acordo com Sara Kuburic, isso pode ser resultado da perda de si mesmo, o que acontece quando não nos reconhecemos em nossas ações, perdemos de vista quem realmente somos e sentimos a dor e o vazio de apenas observar a vida, em vez de vivê-la.

Neste livro, ela oferece as ferramentas que usa há anos para ajudar seus pacientes e compartilha seu processo de autorreflexão, aceitação e

Você vai descobrir

• vivenciar emoções sem se deixar dominar por elas

• estabelecer uma conexão saudável com o seu corpo

• colocar limites amorosos para curar seus relacionamentos

• organizar ambientes físicos e mentais para criar um espaço em que o seu verdadeiro eu prospere

• encontrar propósito em um mundo aparentemente sem sentido

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Personal Development, Audiobook, Mental Health, Philosophy

255 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 3, 2024

About the author

Existential psychotherapist, co-founder of The Phenomenological Society, speaker, essayist, former USA Today columnist and consultant. Often known as the millennial therapist, having built a community of over 1.7m individuals where the author shares tips and musings that normalize human experiences and encourage self-reflection.

Reviews

[Isidora Stanković · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.8 I think there is a giant market in the US for this book. If you are 20-35, work a zombie well paying job and feel void, this book promises a step-by-step, wisdom tutorial on how to improve your life. By the end of the book, as the author writes, everything is still crap or marginally better in your life, but you are so self grounded that you are shitting rainbows now mentally.

I have no doubt this book will help many people, it’s the exact kool-aid quick fix solution we all crave. I really wanted to love the book because Dr Sara and I are both Serbian and I really loved all the personal vulnerable moments she shared but uhhhh.

My major complaints:
- I hate when existentialists pit etre pour soi/autre against each other as one being inherently good and worthy and the other being something we should avoid. The truth is nuanced and we are all formed as the mix of soi/autre. Also an existentialist book written by a female author which relies on Sartre but doesn’t even mention Simone? Barf.
- The introduction of phenomenology in the last 10pgs of the book was so awfully done. No background, no nuance, just a claim to try and advocate that being alive is a phenomenon. Phenomenology is such an important philosophical science and this was so super shallow.
- Perhaps my biggest complaint is the utter absence of acknowledgements of both the systems of oppression and relationality that shape self loss. I think that due to the former many of us can never be shitting rainbows that this book promises even if deeply grounded in self.
Also, I know it’s written from existentialist perspective, but the total void of writing on relationality and the impact it has on self formation is SO BAD in a book like this. The author briefly mentions that we relate to inanimate objects such as beaches, sunsets, etc but largely fails to acknowledge how the space in which we form relational bonds shapes us back.

I think I’ll stick to Dr Sara’s instagram, her one liners are much better done there than in book form.

[Hestia Istiviani · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nggak kebayang sebelumnya kalau "belajar" filsafat eksistensialisme jadi gampang lewat kerangka berpikir psikologi 😭🫶

Kuliah di lingkungan (abang-abangan) fisip, filsafat adalah salah satu matkul yg bikin aku dapet nilai C di ijazah 🤣 Sejak saat itu, rasanya malas berurusan dg filsafat.

Salah satu topik yg ribet ialah eksistensialisme. Semacam nanyain, "ngapain sih kamu ada?" tapi pakai bahasa yg melip gitu lah. Udah jiper sendiri kalau ditodong pertanyaan macem begitu 😂

But, Sara Kuburic bisa banget membawakannya dg enak, ringan, & bikin nagih buat baca sampai selesai. Sejak awal, Kuburic bilang kalau dia seorang Existentialist Therapist. Belajar langsung dari profesor yang juga rekan Viktor Frankl bikin Kuburic punya "wawasan" soal pemaknaan hidup. Ditambah lagi ia bilang kalau sepanjang buku nggak akan lepas dari konsep filsafat eksistensialisme. Salah satunya Satre.

Rupanya, "menggandeng" filsafat dengan psikologi bukanlah sesuatu yang membosankan & bikin ngantuk. Buatku, malah makin paham kenapa ada pertanyaan "ngapain sih kamu ada?" semacam jadi prompt untuk melakukan self-discovery.

Kuburic sesuai dengan citranya sbg The Millennial Therapist membawa tulisannya secara mengalir, nggak panjang-panjang, & menggunakan studi kasus yg mudah dipahami dari klien yang pernah ditanganinya.

Hal lain yang bikin aku tertarik dg Kuburic ialah kisahnya untuk come over the trauma dari perang yang meletus di negaranya ketika ia berusia 9 tahun. Itu juga yg menjadi alasan kenapa ia mendalami topik existentialist therapy untuk praktik profesionalnya.

Secara keseluruhan, aspek yang dibahas meliputi berkenalan dengan diri sendiri, personal space, dan batasan/boundaries. Buatku pribadi, meski ia mengutip Satre dan Nietzche berulang kali, tapi aku merasa bahwa konsep "Self" yang ia kenalkan lebih dekat dengan teori filsafatnya Husserl--soal memberi jarak pada diri sendiri & melihat dari bingkai di luar diri.

Buku self-help yang nggak dangkal.
Aku suka ❤️

[rae · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This is a decent little guidebook for those who feel a bit lost or inauthentic in themselves. Though there were some valid takeaways, I felt like there was a lot of repetition which made it drag on closer to the end.

[milica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Iskrena. Nudi savršen balans između korisnih saveta, primera iz stvarnog života, rada sa klijentima, teorijskih objašnjenja i praktičnih vežbi za lični razvoj. Zahvalna jer nisam uz nju započela ovakvu vrstu rada na sebi, nego sam već neko vreme na tom putu, a ova knjiga mi je došla kao potvrda. Ne nudi neko revolucionarno otkriće, ali pruža sjajnu polaznu tačku za rad na sebi i dublje upoznavanje sopstvenog “ja”.

[Rich · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's hard to find someone who hasn't felt lost in their life and Sarah Kuburic's It's On Me aims to help readers find their true self.

Why it matters: Many of us feel trapped or like we are simply existing even though we don't have to. The answer? Facing ourselves.

You'll want to read this if:
• You're interested in analyzing yourself through an existential psychology lens
• You're looking for ways to feel more connected to yourself and those around you
• You're wondering how to figure out who you are

The bottom line: There's good information here, although the most practical bits tend to come in waves. The beginning is heavy on philosophy -- self-reflection lists and client stories that help explain various concepts are not included as often as it seems they should. Kuburic's personal experiences are frequent throughout.

Thank you to Random House for providing an advanced copy via NetGalley.

[Kelly Racadio · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think everyone should read this book. I follow the author on Instagram who markets herself as the "millennial therapist". When I saw that she wrote a book I had to get it. She speaks to our generation and as a therapist thinks most people are "lost" and haven't found their true Self. In a world with the internet and unlimited access to information, we can constantly fill our time with distractions that don't align with who we are. She explains how to find your Self, whether you lost it or it was never formed.

[Rachael Ann · Rating 5 out of 5]

LOVED this book from @millenialtherapist on insta. As a former therapist supporting clients from an existential approach, I really enjoyed the theory throughout the book. The book offered deep insight into daily interactions and the small changes that one can make to deepen their understanding of themselves, their world, the people around them, and how all of those areas are interconnected and continually showing the person more about their Self. I would recommend this book to anyone feeling lost, unsure, or out of touch with themselves.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fantastic book, and I instantly wanted to read it again once I finished it. Sara Kuburic specializes in existential therapy, which is one I haven’t heard of, but this book was just what I needed. Sara seems like a great therapist who is somehow able to offer tough love while also being extremely compassionate. She also gets vulnerable and shares some of her personal stories as well. This book will help you with personal accountability, taking control, and also recognizing and honoring your feelings and emotions.

[Gabby · Rating 5 out of 5]

To say this book helped me quit my really shit job is an understatement. But then to read this while unemployed is a JOURNEY. 10/10 book on existentialism that's incredibly accessible

[Jade Pederson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book!! She explains complex concepts in a humours and simplistic way. I love the way she weaved in her life experience into so it felt like you were reading a story and also getting some great take aways.

[Natalie Brey · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is pure gold- as a woman navigating her mid-20’s (who happens to be a therapist), this book offered such validation and insight to me. So many fragmented thoughts I have had for a while now were perfectly captured and expanded upon by Sara in this book- it felt like a breath of fresh air.

Everyone deserves to hear the information this book offers, no matter your age- you deserve to connect with and live according to your true Self!!

[Kerry · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone interested in therapy, self-awareness, self-improvement and living their most authentic life will enjoy this book. I recommend the audio - it can be heavy but it kept me engaged.

[Jordan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Picked this up after seeing it in Pinterest, thinking it seemed interesting even though i didn’t exactly feel I needed it. I was wrong, I did need it, and everyone probably would benefit from it. I especially appreciate the many introspection prompts and wrote down many of them to think about later. Short, sweet, to the point, definitely recommend.

[Markie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's on Me" by Sara Kuburic is a transformative guide that addresses the experience of self-loss and offers a path towards reconnecting with our true selves. Drawing on her expertise as an existential psychotherapist, Kuburic provides valuable insights and practical tools to help readers take responsibility for their lives and find freedom and fulfillment.

In today's world, many of us feel disconnected, trapped, or unfulfilled, repeating self-sabotaging patterns and seeking happiness in all the wrong places. Kuburic asserts that the solution lies in facing ourselves, regardless of whether we like what we see. It involves embracing full responsibility for the choices and actions that shape our reality. By owning our "Self" and answering the fundamental questions of "Who am I?" and "Why am I here?", we can live in alignment with our true identity.

Through her concept of self-loss, Kuburic offers a fresh perspective on an often overlooked aspect of personal growth. She guides readers through a process of self-reflection, acceptance, and discovery, helping them recognize when they no longer recognize themselves in their actions, words, or relationships. Kuburic provides practical tools to navigate emotions, establish a healthy connection with our bodies, set boundaries, declutter our physical and mental spaces, and find meaning and purpose in a seemingly chaotic world.

"It's on Me" is a revelatory and empowering book that challenges readers to stop sleepwalking through life and step into their most vibrant and authentic selves. By doing so, they can cultivate a deep sense of connection with their inner being and with others. Kuburic's writing is insightful, compassionate, and accessible, making complex psychological concepts easy to understand and apply.

Whether you're feeling lost, disconnected, or seeking a more meaningful existence, "It's on Me" offers guidance and encouragement. Sara Kuburic's wisdom and practical strategies will empower readers to reclaim their true selves, make intentional choices, and create a life of authenticity and fulfillment. This book is a valuable resource for anyone on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth.

[Lauralaporte · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read A LOT of self help books over the past 30 years. However, this one explained certain things that I’ve always struggled to understand and will continue to refer back to it in the future. So helpful and really inspiring!
2nd reading was even better!

[Alla Dumnych · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book so much. I have read multiple, let's say, help books in my life, but this one stands out. I stumbled upon this book accidentally, and its cover attracted my attention.

Honestly, I lost faith in finding the appropriate book that would be able to address my concerns so I was beyond happy that I finally found the perfect match. Not many books tell you that you are responsible for yourself; they usually push the idea of something spiritual and sacred, and that other people are bad but not you. This book is different, and this is exactly what I was looking for. Finding responsibility for your Self is the important idea of this book, and the author gives multiple examples of how others managed to achieve it.

Overall, as I started this review, I loved "It's on Me" and would recommend it to others.

[ciambellaczyta · Rating 5 out of 5]

Czy potrafisz być dla siebie dobra?
Gdzie kończysz się Ty, a zaczynają inni ludzie?
Jakie masz relacje ze światem zewnętrznym?


„Miło mi się poznać” Sary Kuburic to książka, która stanowi fascynującą podróż w głąb ludzkiej psychiki i serca. Autorka zabiera czytelnika w intymną wyprawę po meandrach samopoznania, stawiając pytania o tożsamość, pragnienia i oczekiwania świata. Książka nie tylko zadaje pytania, ale też proponuje odpowiedzi, zapraszając do introspekcji i samodzielnej pracy nad sobą.
Od pierwszych stron książki jesteśmy wciągani w niezwykły świat autorki, gdzie osobiste historie – czasem bolesne, innymi razy inspirujące – przeplatają się z profesjonalną wiedzą psychologiczną. Kuburic dzieli się nie tylko własnymi doświadczeniami, ale również przypadkami z praktyki terapeutycznej, co nadaje jej przekazowi autentyczność i głębię. Język jest tutaj bardzo obrazowy i przystępny, co sprawia, że lektura jest płynna i mimo trudnej tematyki - lekka. Każda z części książki wnikliwie analizuje prezentowane zagadnienia, oferując czytelnikowi nie tylko diagnozę problemu, ale i konkretne narzędzia do pracy nad sobą.
To jedna z tych książek, która nie tylko zostaje z nami długo po przeczytaniu ostatniej strony, ale również inspiruje do zmian w naszym życiu. Sama jestem pod ogromnym wrażeniem sposobu, w jaki Kuburic łączy swoje profesjonalne spostrzeżenia z osobistymi przeżyciami, nadając całej narracji niezwykle autentycznego i ludzkiego wymiaru. To, co mnie najbardziej urzekło, to bezapelacyjna szczerość autorki i jej zdolność do przedstawiania skomplikowanych koncepcji w prosty i przystępny sposób.
Rozdział poświęcony minimalizmowi był dla mnie prawdziwym odkryciem – nie spodziewałam się, że temat, który z pozoru wydaje się dotyczyć wyłącznie upraszczania przestrzeni życiowej, może mieć tak głęboki, filozoficzny wymiar. Autorka pokazała, jak bardzo nasze otoczenie, przedmioty, które gromadzimy, a nawet relacje, mogą wpływać na nasze samopoczucie i wewnętrzną harmonię. To ważna lekcja, którą naprawdę zapamiętam. Często wracam myślami do fragmentów o utracie siebie i procesie odzyskiwania kontroli nad własnym życiem. To przesłanie książki – że jesteśmy architektami własnego szczęścia i że to my odpowiadamy za kształtowanie naszego „Ja” – wywarło na mnie ogromne wrażenie i stało się motywacją do wielu różnorodnych refleksji.
W „Miło mi się poznać” Sara Kuburic stworzyła dzieło niezwykle ważne i potrzebne, pełne mądrości i empatii. To książka, która może zmienić życie, wyposażając czytelnika w narzędzia do głębszego zrozumienia siebie i świata. Jest to lektura obowiązkowa dla każdego, kto na serio myśli o pracy nad sobą i pragnie żyć życiem pełnym świadomości i autentyczności.
Dla mnie, bezapelacyjnie, 10/10.

[Cassandra Liu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC, in exchange for an honest review!

This was one of the first serious self-help books that I’ve ever read; the ones I’ve read in the past incorporated humor to make the content easily digestible. This book, on the other hand, was very philosophically heavy. I really liked that aspect since I graduated with a major in Psychology and minor in Philosophy a few years ago, but I know it may not be for everyone. Overall, I did enjoy it and feel that I got a lot of helpful information out of it. Some parts were a bit repetitive, but that’s common in the self-help genre. I would definitely recommend this book!

[Cassandra Liu · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you NetGalley for this ARC, in exchange for an honest review!

This was one of the first serious self-help books that I’ve ever read; the ones I’ve read in the past incorporated humor to make the content easily digestible. This book, on the other hand, was very philosophically heavy. I really liked that aspect since I graduated with a major in Psychology and minor in Philosophy a few years ago, but I know it may not be for everyone. Overall, I did enjoy it and feel that I got a lot of helpful information out of it. Some parts were a bit repetitive, but that’s common in the self-help genre. I would definitely recommend this book!

[Tristan Timbrook · Rating 5 out of 5]

The cover notes "accept hard truths...". This is indeed contained in subsequent pages. Will be thinking about this one for some time.

[Lindsay Troesch · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very informative book. I enjoyed chapter 5 the most. I will come back to this book again as there were a lot of helpful and thought provoking questions.

[Satine Lily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book had great take aways. I specifically loved the parts on boundaries and feeling emotions towards the end.
However I found some parts to be receptive or drag on. Some of the anecdotes lost me.

[Vylūnė · Rating 5 out of 5]

* it was exactly the comfort read i expected after following the author on instagram for years.
* it offered great prompts for self reflection, just like i knew it would.

[Anna Gusovsky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved the book. Great book for beginning psychotherapists.

[Caitlin Arnoldi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Key takeaway: what we do is who we become, and I’m finally making the changes to become the best possible version of myself (202thrive is in full swing)

[CreativelyRed · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really liked this book. A good mix of self reflection and learning.

[Nina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Zašto ne?

[Justin Lamb · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great universal themes for personal identity, but even better for those desiring an existential therapy approach

[Patty · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm buying the book and will do another re-read because this was spot on. I thoroughly enjoyed every single chapter and found so many things useful.

[klokar · Rating 2 out of 5]

Introduces insightful concepts/questions yet repetitive, overexplaining (trivial things), superficial (e.g., when it comes to psycho directions)