The Value of Others

by Orion Taraban

Understanding the Economic Model of Relationships to Get (and Keep) More of What You Want in the Sexual Marketplace

If everyone is looking to secure a relationship with their perceived best option, then the perception of value must be at the heart of human coupling. In this groundbreaking work, psychologist Orion Taraban sets forth his economic model of relationships, and exposes the often uncomfortable laws that govern the sexual marketplace. After reading The Value of Others, you'll never look at relationships the same way again.

Orion Taraban, Psy.D., is a clinical psychologist in private practice and the creator of PsycHacks, a popular podcast devoted to relationships and personal development. He lives in Napa, California.

Genres: Psychology, Relationships, Nonfiction, Self Help, Love, Economics, Audiobook

434 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 10, 2024

Reviews

[MAK · Rating 2 out of 5]

I came across the author on social media, where he gives manosphere influenced relationship advice. If you are familiar with the manosphere much of the book is repackaged talking points fleshed out by the author's opinions.

I think relationship books can foster good discussion. However, I'm not really sure who the audience is for this book. He tosses around the term high value quite a bit without giving a good definition. Wealth might be one attribute of a high value man. I imagine truly wealthy men would be a very small percentage of the readership. I suspect much of the readership is males over 30 that have been spinning their wheels in the relationship department.

He uses old manosphere themes of women having "market value". Women are told they should lock down a successful "high value" man in their twenties--he suggests such a man might be 10+ years older. He doesn't give data on how many couples are in such arrangements, nor the success of such arrangements. He suggests women should begin the job of acquiring the high value man between ages 18-25. 18 year old women that are just graduating from high school---such a bizarre take.

Taraban talks about the costs of relationships. There is a thread of bitterness woven through these discussions. He talks about the high cost men must pay to date or access sex, such as taking a woman to dinner. He seems oblivious about the costs for women, such as the time and money to be conventionally attractive. While Taraban does mention pregnancy a few times, he seems mostly clueless to this potential cost for women. Side effects from contraceptives, health issues from a potential pregnancy or potentially raising a child on your own are just some of the costs of being sexually active. In our current political landscape these costs are becoming higher and higher, even in the context of marriage, when women can't access appropriate medical care.

There seems to be bitterness on the part of the author about putting time and money into a relationship to access sex. He states, "Few activities are less likely to lead to a sexual encounter than drinking caffeine in a brightly lit cafe at 11:oo am --which is precisely why women who are trying to exchange the most resources for the least amount of sexual opportunity, are so fond of the idea" What an entitled, laughable and clueless statement. He really begrudges the cost of a coffee so much that he thinks a woman is ..trying to extract resources? As with other relationship books, where was this guy's editor in cautioning him this statement was problematic? But if you agree with his take on the coffee date, you likely have much bigger problems beyond what the manosphere promises it can solve.

There were other problematic takes in the book that I wanted to include, but time limits me. I'll end with this odd quote "Most women would rather occasionally share a Porsche than own a Honda"

[Rachel · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author has his own troubled preconceptions about men and women and he uses this book to justify those preconceptions. He shapes the book around a toxic, designed-to-fail system (the "trad" model where a woman's idealized role is to be an indentured servant to a man) versus having any quality ideas or clarity about the relationship dynamics he purports to know so much about. His advice is bad advice that will further its recipients into this designed-to-fail, predatory system. There isn't academic study, rigor, peer review, or quality thought put into the ideas in this book. This book is designed to prey upon red pill subscribers to funnel them into paying for consultations at $800/hr with the author. It's exploitative.

He dehumanizes and writes with such deep bitterness and disdain surrounding women that it's unfortunate that this book is in circulation. He assumes, treats, and writes about women as dehumanized, physical objects of men's desire who should "hope" to become a man's indentured servant through childcare, cooking, cleaning, maintaining a home for him, being pleasant, supporting him, being as "slutty" as possible for him if they are able to "catch" a high valued man in the first place via sex. Oh - women are also "used goods" and unattractive if they also aren't teens or early 20s.

He assumes men cannot possibly be wanted, only ever needed, which is classic red pill, incel ideology. If men can only be in a relationship or get what they want from women (per this author, sex with as many women as possible) through overt manipulation and control, that type of man should not be dating and should instead spend his efforts to learn how to recognize and treat other human beings. You might imagine that same type of man can only partially succeed at getting what they want from the most inexperienced, most vulnerable population of women - teens and early 20 somethings.

[Paul · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF around 20%. This is a relationship worldview for analytical thinkers, but as an analytical thinker myself, I really don’t want to categorize human beings into groups of value adding and no value adding. Yes, the process might happen automatically, but I think it is dangerous to approach relationships in a strictly transactional way. Regardless, it was a good reminder to work on myself and make myself more attractive.

[Nicolas Giaconia · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been following Orion's content for about 2 years now, and I can confidently say that he knows what he's talking about. Very simple, yet insightful glimpse onto the nature of relationships. Everyone should read this book, and seriously ponder on its content.

I also feel like it does a decently good job at not alienating women who might be reading, which is usually rather difficult to do nowadays, since the zeitgeist is very much encouraging the total, uncritical acceptance of whatever women's behavior is.

Most men will have already gotten to some of Orion's conclusions via intuition, and I am certain that applies to many women as well, but the real value lies in the framework which he proposes.

His analysis is sharp and concise, with many practical considerations.

I maybe would've liked to have my mind a bit more blown, but there's only so much you can say about dating, relationships and the current condition of what he calls the sexual marketplace.

Overall a solid 10!

[Jonathan · Rating 1 out of 5]

A baseless and assumptive book that takes movies and metaphors as fact and supporting evidence to back orions theories. It's poor fiction masquerading as academia.

[Kate · Rating 3 out of 5]

There is a mix of some really good advice mixed in with some not so good advice. While it is always important to critically evaluate what you read, I think it is crucial to do so when reading this book.As I was reading, I noticed that there is a lot of the author’s personal beliefs showing through, especially in the last two chapters, which he tries to sell unto the reader as if it were facts. I didn't agree with a lot of his conclusions and I found his view to be somewhat pessimistic and jaded. I especially didn't like how he views marriage. Having said this, there a few nuggets of solid advice to be gleaned from it if you can get past the not so useful parts. I like his idea of showing people what your day to day life is like and see if they can integrate into it rather than just you showing what you think the other person wants to see or just doing conventional dates. Word of advice: Take EVERYTHING he says with a grain of salt.

[Danny · Rating 5 out of 5]

This should be required reading in high school and then again every five years. Matter of fact presentation with strong foundational principles. Excellent!

[Cibby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a fan of Dr. Orion Taraban's Youtube videos for the past year, and like his talks, this is a masterpiece. This is a well thought-out theory that can only be accepted by those who are emotionally mature enough to accept it. I consider this book to be the "Truth", and I am grateful to have read it.

[Melissa McCoy · Rating 1 out of 5]

A non-evidence-based pontifical economic model that ignores a key motivation for male and female actors alike: companionship.

[Patty · Rating 1 out of 5]

Deeply troubling. Deeply chauvinistic. Excludes all relationships that are not heterosexual. Deeply sad, reductionist view of how we relate to other people.

I understand marketplace forces and value and the undeniable effects these have on our lives, but choose abundance over scarcity mindset, solidarity over tribalism.

It’s important to engage views that are different from our own, and I don’t regret reading this because now I can share dialogue that presents compassionate resistance to ideas in this book which support male supremacy and the oppression of women (to say nothing of other gender identities).

Anyone who struggled to read this, and even more people who felt affirmed by this book—my suggestion for you is to read adrienne maree brown’s Pleasure Activism and Emergent Strategy. These present profoundly hopefully visions of the world that center care for others and ourselves. Visions I want to and work to uphold.

[Devin · Rating 4 out of 5]

While I don’t necessarily agree with many of the authors theories, he does offer an interesting perspective on a variety of topics. I believe the book is worth reading even if it is just to challenge your own personal beliefs.

[Veronika S · Rating 5 out of 5]

A thought provoking book with interesting frameworks. Some chapters are very Andrew Tate-esque however the others make this book worth a read.

[Shayla · Rating 1 out of 5]

Got this as an Audiobook and it was a STRUGGLE to listen to.

Essentially a book on how attractive is perceived to work between HETERO pairs.

Women are only sexually and baby making attractive to men

Men are only attractive to women for what they can provide.

You have to something that another wants, if you don't they won't find you attractive. If you did and then gave it they can find you unattractive Ex: woman desired for ability to breed, has kids no longer attractive; man has ability to fund woman's life, funds it and now she has what she wants no longer attracted to man.

Meh at best

[marisol felix · Rating 3 out of 5]

The concept of the book is interesting, but he could have said that in 150 pages the rest was him trying to sound too smart or deep..

[Konstantin · Rating 3 out of 5]

While consistent in its base assumptions, many relationship phenomena are not correctly captured in purely economic models and his conclusions often overreach.

[Siim · Rating 4 out of 5]

Orion puts out a very economic model of relationships. However, he keeps it at a very high level of abstraction, his defence being that in doing so he does not get bogged down by largely irrelevant details that might undermine his case. So really avoiding any details or super concrete examples, which is mildly annoying, because abstractions also afford him a framing which is hard to disprove - without specificity it's like reading the horoscope. You can just as easily read a horoscope and think "oh this hits home!"

Regardless, begrudgingly, I think I agree with most of it. So 4 stars.

[Oyebode Adesida · Rating 4 out of 5]

A must read for everyone

An excellent exploration of the relationship landscape. I agree with the notion that alternatives to traditional marriage or how we conduct our relationships are coming to the fore but still see lots of resistance. It seems inevitable though. An area not addressed in the book is how the model relates to the older generation of men and women.

[Taylor Ball · Rating 1 out of 5]

Spent most of this audiobook rolling my eyes and scoffing. Blatantly sexist views. I would say it gets 1.5 stars because there were moments of wisdom and insight hidden in the mess. Also very pseudo scientific and it made me very pessimistic about the world.

[James · Rating 1 out of 5]

A few points he makes are interesting and even helpful. But the overall philosophy of the book is just a doubling down of postmodern stupidity. More perversion will not fix society's sexual and marital problems...

[El · Rating 1 out of 5]

I bought this book because I enjoyed Orion’s appearances on podcasts, though I often sensed an underlying bitterness toward women. I didn’t want to judge him based on that alone, so I read the book anyway. Unfortunately, the first several chapters are badly in need of editing--overwritten, overly technical, and padded with jargon that adds little substance. The book could have been cut to half its length without losing anything essential.

At its core, the book frames relationships almost entirely through an economic and reproductive lens. Despite claiming heterosexual dynamics are used merely “for convenience,” this is not a general relationship book--it’s a narrowly prescriptive vision rooted in Victorian-style gender roles that Orion seems to want revived. Feminism is treated as an inconvenience rather than a historical response to systems that many women experienced as unfulfilling, exploitative, and identity-erasing.

The model he advances centers male reproductive optionality and casts women as responsible for earning male commitment through youth, sexual novelty, and fertility. Women’s needs--emotional, sexual, or existential--are barely discussed beyond the assumption that they want security from an older, high-status man. Suggestions such as fathers vetting partners, or young women pairing with older men for “stability,” are presented without meaningful consideration of power imbalances or female autonomy, which I found disturbing.

The book emphasizes how difficult life is for young men while largely ignoring the risks women face: sexual exploitation, coercion, abuse, aging out of desirability, or being deemed undesirable altogether. Claims about women losing value after 35 due to “older eggs” are presented without acknowledging that male fertility and sperm quality also decline with age. Ultimately, the book presents itself as objective truth while reflecting a narrow projection of what “high-value” men supposedly want. It is not a book for women. I finished it feeling diminished simply for aging--despite being educated, resourced, and frequently desired--and with the uneasy sense that my worst fears about how men ultimately value women being validated.

[Solomon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Optimizing relationships is the most relevant yet under appreciated economic problem facing the developed world. Rising material abundance and economic freedom for women have left many asking "what do I need a man for?"

What I learned:
1. Dating apps have decreased the price men are willing to pay for sex (commitment) while increasing the price women are willing to accept, leading to both fewer short-term and long-term relationships.

2. The previous models no longer work and each gender would benefit from adapting to the new sexual marketplace and optimizing their strategy.

3. "Love has nothing to do with marriage."
Marriage provides a stable context for raising children. Nothing else. People have grown to expect their spouse to occupy too many peripheral roles. The end of marriage should be celebrated as "completing the mission" of raising children.

[Tai Odunsi · Rating 3 out of 5]

insightful; the read was supposed to be premised on economics but the "ship", "captain", and "passenger" metaphors make it hard to follow. For more on sexual marketplace econ in dating Charlotte’s Game: The secret strategies of modern dating, why we play them, and how to disarm the battle of the sexes

[Philotheo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some useful psychological insights used as fuel for immoral advice. The transactional view of relationships may motivate some “self-improvement” and promote a slower, more sober courtship, but ultimately, without grace, it is not enough to sustain a nutritive and mutually edifying/sanctifying union. True love does exist. It exists as exemplified through its Christian perfection. It exists through the sacramental nature of marriage. It exists through the gift of grace which God bestows upon those willing to open their hearts to and follow Him. If you look, you shall find examples of such holy and happy marriages that prove that the Catholic ideal is no farce but, at its best, a road to sanctity that rivals monastic and religious life. As I said, there are some useful psychological insights in this book that are compatible with the Christian ideal…yet, if you are curious about a book like this, be sure to have studied the theology of Christian marriage thoroughly first.

[Eric Griffin · Rating 1 out of 5]

What a snoozer! There may be some good insights in this book, but they are buried under layers of over-analysis. I could not get through chapter 1's "People want this, but only if its like this, not like this, then that leads to the problem of this," blah blah blah blah blah. This is supposed to be about relationships, not economics. Taraban uses big words to sound smart, but rather than making me want to read more, it makes me want to go to bed. Just get to the point already!

[Maťa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nie je to tak dávno, čo som sa o Orionovi Tarabanovi dozvedela cez jeho Youtube kanál Psychacks. Veľmi, veľmi zaujímavé videá o vzťahoch. Takže som sa rozhodla prečítať si aj jeho knižku.

Podtitul knižky začína slovami Pochopenie ekonomického modelu vzťahov. V podstate ide o to, že každý sexuálny vzťah je transakčný.
Ak sa vám nepáči táto myšlienka, slová tohoto psychológa zrejme nebude pre vás. Pretože on hovorí o vzťahoch skutočne z praktického a logického hľadiska, nie z romantického a idealistického.
Pre mňa je to veľmi čerstvý pohľad, ktorý mi pomohol pozrieť sa na vzťahy novými očami, z pre mňa úplne nových uhlov.

Avšak, táto kniha ma do určitej miery sklamala. Pretože som zvyknutá na jeho videá, som zvyknutá na rozhovory s ním a som zvyknutá na to, že svoje myšlienky prezentuje veľmi zrozumiteľne, aby to pochopil každý. Tu je kopec komplikovaných slov a neprišlo mi to až tak vhodné pre širokú verejnosť. A to som asi nikdy nepočúvala audioknihu tak pomaly a aj tak som kopec veciam nepochopila.

Vďaka tomu, že už som videla celkom dosť jeho contentu a ten v knihe sa od jeho ostatných obsahovo výrazne nelíši, nie som si istá či je potrebné po nej siahať. Je v nej veľa zaujímavých informácii, určite som sa toho kopec dozvedela, ale povedala by som, že videá tu stačia.
Zároveň neviem komu by som ich odporučila, pretože predpokladám, že väčšina ľudí s ním súhlasiť nebude.
Ale ja som rada, že som si opäť rozšírila svoje znalosti a neľutujem žiaden čas s ňou strávený.

[Lauren · Rating 1 out of 5]

Plainly, this book sucks. (i.e. I would never suggest it to anyone) It reads like the author is trying to hit a word count. (i.e. so wordy it detracts from any meaningful assertion) Uninteresting and unprofound. (i.e. boring). Example: author loves to write i.e. after anything and everything and it's annoying.

The cherry on top is that the author reveals himself as a misogynist, refers to a "captain" and a "passenger" in a relationship in which we can infer that he considers himself in the captain role. In which the "passenger" he must chose to accompany his ship (enter into a relationship with him) must satisfy him in some equitable way or at least "won't cause diffulties along the way".

This book was made for insecure men that need to beef themselves up by red pilling themselves about how women are second class citizens to be used for sex. Incel nonsense.

[Eva · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love behavioral economics and enjoyed this book as a simplified and honest dissection of modern dating. Taraban defends his explanations with pessimistic logic, but I had a hard time finding arguments to which I disagreed, however uncomfortable the truths made me feel.

If read early enough in life, this book would be a helpful guide to strategizing a life that optimizes your chances in the dating marketplace, if that is what you are looking for. Still, I am glad I came across this book rather too late, after pursuing a worthwhile career which I could not have achieved if I had wholly followed Taraban's advice.

[Larry Shengjie Tao · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book - the author has very good understanding about the dynamics in the current mating and dating marketplace and was able to help demysterify seemingly convoluted concepts into easily digestable concepts.
The book shines lights about the market as is not as how it should be. The last chapter of the book provided some excellent alternatives to traditional romantic relationships.
I have been following his Youtube channel for some time and have felt I learnt a lot from reading this book.

[Δημήτρης Τσιφλικιώτης · Rating 5 out of 5]

Imagine playing one of the most important games of your life but not knowing how to play or even the rules of the game! This is what we are doing every day of our lives.

There is also a huge shift and crisis in modern society, especially in relationships between men and women. Marriages are failing more than ever, and fewer people are having sexual relationships. It’s a complicated puzzle at the heart of many of today’s societal problems.

I think the author has solved the puzzle of why this is happening! He has my utmost respect for providing such clarity.

Incredible book!
🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

[Luca Di Lieto · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book on the economics of relationships. The author has a very analytical mind with good analogies of captains and passengers. Much has been said before but maybe not to the level of detail and some useful advice for each party based on what they have to exchange and receive.

As it is a macro economical book, it is very good descriptor of society as a whole and sadly where we are going. He had two very good chapters responding to his biggest criticism of not accounting for love and his final chapter which was the only part I disagreed with. He provided perhaps a worthy criticism of marriage but with a worse alternative in my opinion of opening all kinds of relationship contracts in the anticipation of an increasingly more polygamous society.

In the macro, he has a good point. Without checks and balances (by culture or law) people will generally act with self interest and often at the expense of others, leading to less virtuous practices even up and through marriage. His final critique that people will not listen to good advice if it does not benefit them is practical but verging on cynical. I would argue, looking too closely at what you can gain from a relationship will empty it of meaning in the long run, and should be equally considered for the growing lack of relationships in general.

His final quote of rendering unto Caesar, makes for a cryptic message of seemingly wanting to separate the realms of relationship and love entirely, making them more like business contracts than anything else, rather than any attempt to synthesise the two.