WHY: A Memoir

by Randy Scobey, Anne Heche (foreword)

"I survived abuse only to live a lie before learning to thrive as my true self. This is my story.” – Randy Scobey

Randy’s honest and heartbreaking stories from childhood to adulthood show us what it means to be human in an age when homosexuality is still under attack. Having been one of the “attackers” himself for a period of his life (through ex-gay ministry), we learn how anyone can be groomed to do harm to others—especially when they are desperately searching for connection and community.

If you’ve ever wondered how someone can join a cult and go against their own community, this book documents the journey from abuse to brainwashing to betrayal, ultimately arriving at truth. In his page-turning memoir, author Randy Scobey shares his most personal moments and explores what it means to live—truly live—his life as a gay man of faith.

354 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 14, 2024

About the author

As featured in the award-winning documentaries Pray Away and For They Know Not What They Do, Randy’s story reveals the struggle of coming to terms with being a gay man of faith. In his former career, Randy served as the last Executive Vice President of Exodus International. In his executive role, Randy contributed to several books, was featured in The Los Angeles Times, and was interviewed by worldwide media outlets as a lead spokesperson for the organization he would eventually help shut down.

Since (re)embracing his life and his truth, Randy works passionately against the toxic ideology that underlies conversion therapy—especially in its “pastoral” form of exgay ministry—further proving that the abuse must end. Ultimately, his extraordinary story proves that the proverbial “stained glass closet” is no match for authentic love.

Today, Randy lives with his husband Dan, their daughter, and two fur babies in the suburbs of Orlando.

Reviews

[Chris Hyde · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was very nice to read Randy's memoir. He has been through so much in life and it's great to see how he moved from a very difficult life to being a man who knows himself and is contented with himself. This is the story of a man whose struggle with religion and sexuality led him to becoming one of the most prominent figures in Ex-Gay ministry before eventually coming out again himself. Randy's wit and ability to craft a story make this a fun and interesting read. Thanks for sharing your story, Randy!

[Craig Claussen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Randy tells a remarkable and candid story of his own life, bringing compassion for himself and others where it’s sorely needed. He also doesn’t shy away from an exacting critical examination of his own vulnerabilities and behaviors; what shines through in this book is the years of reflection and healing that it takes to acknowledge the past and balance it with the right amount of personal accountability so that the past is a way to understand, not to excuse. Since he does this first, it becomes the foundation for him to direct that same clear-eyed criticism with full credibility toward the corrupted institution and belief systems that he became a part of, and many of the individuals in it. Read this book if you want to understand, through one man’s story, how the anti-LGBTQ+ thinking that permeates conservative Christianity uses lies and false promises to prey on and shatter those who need a path to wholeness, and how that man eventually found his path to wholeness in the embrace of the self and world he once rejected.