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The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs
Jamie was thumbing through the newspaper in search of a weekend job for the summer. She was sixteen years old and needed the extra money to help save for textbooks when she starts college in the fall. She tossed the newspaper on the floor frustrated with no results. Then one of the newspaper pages flipped over to the last page of the classifieds and there it was in small print, "babysitter needed for the summer." She said, "How did I miss this, maybe, I passed over it because it didn't say weekends only."
Jamie's first babysitting job would turn out to be her worst nightmare with fatal results.
Jamie's first babysitting job would turn out to be her worst nightmare with fatal results.
- GenresHorrorShort Stories
3 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 12, 2013
3 people are currently reading
46 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews
September 9, 2022
Oh, Please,
A babysitter and axe murderer story.
A babysitter and axe murderer story.
December 11, 2015
Loved it! I give this book 5 stars.
November 30, 2015
I have read and heard countless variations of this story before, each one ending differently. I gave this five stars because it never gets old, no matter what version you're reading or hearing.
March 23, 2022
I read all the other versions including this one. It’s the same story except for this time the babysitter is named Jamie and is 16 years old.
October 29, 2017
The well-known urban legend of the babysitter and the stranger in the house has been around seemingly forever and been told hundreds of times in various forms, including a pretty decent horror movie from the 1970's entitled When a Stranger Calls. Now, Drac Von Stoller gives readers his take on the tale in a four-page "story" entitled The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs. The difference between Von Stoller's version and all the others is that his is probably the worst written of the entire lot.
For anyone unfamiliar, the title of Babysitter pretty much tells it all. A teenaged babysitter puts her two charges to bed for the night and then gets a menacing call asking if she's checked up on the children recently. I won't give away the ending but the title and the word "ax" pretty much tell you all you need to know. There is absolutely nothing new in Von Stoller's version of the story other than the fact that he gives his babysitter a name, Jamie, and an age, 16.
Since there’s no surprise in the story itself, the only thing an author can do to make it interesting is to tell it in an interesting manner, and, this story could easily form the basis for a very suspenseful story. However, Von Stoller’s telling of it is leaden in the extreme. For a four-page story, Babysitter contains a number of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, leading me to believe that English may not be the author’s first language. Indeed, some of the phrasing (“scary movies really scare the willies out of her”) is almost, “so bad, it’s funny.”
It’s almost impossible to create genuine suspense or atmosphere in a four-page story, and Von Stoller doesn’t even try. There are very few adjectives and no colorful phrases in Von Stoller’s version of Babysitter; instead, he offers a barebones version of a story with which everyone is already familiar. Flash fiction usually has a twist ending to make it interesting, but instead, Von Stoller concludes his story with a rather puzzling, poorly drafted paragraph. His story resembles something you might find on a Wikipedia page about the urban legend, except that a Wikipedia page would probably be better written.
Drac Von Stoller has taken a story that everyone knows and then retells it without variation in about as dull a manner as possible (and throws in a number of grammatical and stylistic errors to boot). Perhaps someone who has never heard the story before might find it mildly interesting, but he or she would probably wonder why anyone ever made a fuss about the story to begin with. The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs should be relegated to the downstairs junk heap.
For anyone unfamiliar, the title of Babysitter pretty much tells it all. A teenaged babysitter puts her two charges to bed for the night and then gets a menacing call asking if she's checked up on the children recently. I won't give away the ending but the title and the word "ax" pretty much tell you all you need to know. There is absolutely nothing new in Von Stoller's version of the story other than the fact that he gives his babysitter a name, Jamie, and an age, 16.
Since there’s no surprise in the story itself, the only thing an author can do to make it interesting is to tell it in an interesting manner, and, this story could easily form the basis for a very suspenseful story. However, Von Stoller’s telling of it is leaden in the extreme. For a four-page story, Babysitter contains a number of grammatical errors and awkward phrasings, leading me to believe that English may not be the author’s first language. Indeed, some of the phrasing (“scary movies really scare the willies out of her”) is almost, “so bad, it’s funny.”
It’s almost impossible to create genuine suspense or atmosphere in a four-page story, and Von Stoller doesn’t even try. There are very few adjectives and no colorful phrases in Von Stoller’s version of Babysitter; instead, he offers a barebones version of a story with which everyone is already familiar. Flash fiction usually has a twist ending to make it interesting, but instead, Von Stoller concludes his story with a rather puzzling, poorly drafted paragraph. His story resembles something you might find on a Wikipedia page about the urban legend, except that a Wikipedia page would probably be better written.
Drac Von Stoller has taken a story that everyone knows and then retells it without variation in about as dull a manner as possible (and throws in a number of grammatical and stylistic errors to boot). Perhaps someone who has never heard the story before might find it mildly interesting, but he or she would probably wonder why anyone ever made a fuss about the story to begin with. The Babysitter and the Man Upstairs should be relegated to the downstairs junk heap.
August 11, 2025
“Have you checked on the children lately?”
Jamie, 16, is searching for a summer job. She needs to make some extra cash before college starts in the fall.
The babysitting job seems perfect, and it’s weekends only, just as Jamie was hoping.
The phone call. 📞 Heavy breathing. 😮💨
The mystery man. The axe. 🪓 😳
Some tense mistakes and run-on sentences.
The brevity can work, but this feels like a rough draft no one proofed or beta read prior to publishing.
I guess we’ll never know what if in this tragic story.
Jamie, 16, is searching for a summer job. She needs to make some extra cash before college starts in the fall.
The babysitting job seems perfect, and it’s weekends only, just as Jamie was hoping.
The phone call. 📞 Heavy breathing. 😮💨
The mystery man. The axe. 🪓 😳
Some tense mistakes and run-on sentences.
The brevity can work, but this feels like a rough draft no one proofed or beta read prior to publishing.
I guess we’ll never know what if in this tragic story.
February 25, 2019
Wow. I remember writing like this in the 5th grade
Dont waste your time. The story and the writing are amateur hour at best. I gave it one star because I actually read the whole thing.
Dont waste your time. The story and the writing are amateur hour at best. I gave it one star because I actually read the whole thing.
April 17, 2019
Short, thankfully
This reads exactly like a thirteen year old would tell it at a slumber party. It’s a pretty common urban legend but a decent writer could put a nice spin on it and turn it into a novel.
This reads exactly like a thirteen year old would tell it at a slumber party. It’s a pretty common urban legend but a decent writer could put a nice spin on it and turn it into a novel.
September 8, 2017
Really quick read
This was a super fast story. Quick, and to the point. Sometimes, you need to heed the message on the other end of the phone!
This was a super fast story. Quick, and to the point. Sometimes, you need to heed the message on the other end of the phone!
September 15, 2023
Short and stupid.
June 16, 2024
Worst story ever
Why do Amazon continue to allow this abortion of story teller to keep posting rancid writing. This is fraud. I wish I could give it no stars or negative stars.
Why do Amazon continue to allow this abortion of story teller to keep posting rancid writing. This is fraud. I wish I could give it no stars or negative stars.
September 21, 2015
meh, it was okay. too short for my taste
December 13, 2015
This is the first story that I've read by this author. Too short and gory for me unfortunately! I think that I'll try a few more to see if they're any better!
Displaying 1 - 13 of 13 reviews