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Walking Through Deconstruction: How to Be a Companion in a Crisis of Faith
However you define it, deconstruction is impossible to deny.
"I'm deconstructing my faith." As any pastor can tell you, hearing these words is simply a regular feature of ministry these days. How we respond to those who are deconstructing will reveal the kind of church—and the kinds of Christians—we really are.
Ian Harber knows the fear and grief of deconstruction firsthand. In Walking Through Deconstruction, he tells the story of his own process of deconstruction and reconstruction over more than ten years and explores what is actually happening, both culturally and spiritually, when someone deconstructs their faith.
Deconstruction doesn't happen in a vacuum; it is catalyzed by a comfortable society, cultural Christianity, compromised churches, and the compounding anxieties of life. But the Christian faith has better to offer. Harber lays out a vision for the kind of faith environment that can foster genuine reconstruction through healthy relationships, robust doctrine, healthy institutions, a better theology of suffering, and the peace of God.
Walking Through Deconstruction
tells the author's real life story of deconstruction and reconstructionprovides a clear definition of deconstructionacknowledges the urgency of deconstruction while prioritizing patience and trust over feardescribes common contributing factors and phases of deconstruction, andcasts a vision for healthy communities that help people hold onto faith.We desperately need healthy models of ministry to those who are deconstructing. Whether you're a pastor, parent, or friend of someone on this path, Walking Through Deconstruction offers hope for a renewed faith—stronger than it was before.
"I'm deconstructing my faith." As any pastor can tell you, hearing these words is simply a regular feature of ministry these days. How we respond to those who are deconstructing will reveal the kind of church—and the kinds of Christians—we really are.
Ian Harber knows the fear and grief of deconstruction firsthand. In Walking Through Deconstruction, he tells the story of his own process of deconstruction and reconstruction over more than ten years and explores what is actually happening, both culturally and spiritually, when someone deconstructs their faith.
Deconstruction doesn't happen in a vacuum; it is catalyzed by a comfortable society, cultural Christianity, compromised churches, and the compounding anxieties of life. But the Christian faith has better to offer. Harber lays out a vision for the kind of faith environment that can foster genuine reconstruction through healthy relationships, robust doctrine, healthy institutions, a better theology of suffering, and the peace of God.
Walking Through Deconstruction
tells the author's real life story of deconstruction and reconstructionprovides a clear definition of deconstructionacknowledges the urgency of deconstruction while prioritizing patience and trust over feardescribes common contributing factors and phases of deconstruction, andcasts a vision for healthy communities that help people hold onto faith.We desperately need healthy models of ministry to those who are deconstructing. Whether you're a pastor, parent, or friend of someone on this path, Walking Through Deconstruction offers hope for a renewed faith—stronger than it was before.
193 pages, Kindle Edition
Published January 14, 2025
49 people are currently reading
588 people want to read
About the author
Ian Harber
2 books7 followersIan Harber is a writer and Christian media producer. He has written for The Gospel Coalition, Mere Orthodoxy, and RELEVANT. He writes about reconstructing faith in his newsletter Back Again, and about faith, media, and technology at Endeavor. He lives in Denton, Texas, with his wife and sons.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
February 15, 2025
A rare thing: a sober, orthodox, hopeful, non-anxious, and practical reflection on pursuing those who are drifting away from the gospel. Don’t expect to be told either that deconstruction is irreversible heresy or a justified response to the problems of the church. Ian demonstrates how deconstruction can be a spark that leads to a more durable Faith. Highly recommended
January 19, 2025
According to The Great Dechurching by Jim Davis, Michael Graham, and Ryan Burge, 40 million Americans stopped attending church over the past 25 years — the largest religious affiliation shift in American history.
Most were “casually dechurched.” They simply fell out of the churchgoing habit, often because of a geographic move.
Others were “dechurched casualties,” however. They experienced a spiritual crisis that resulted in a change of faith.
Dechurched casualties constitute a large part of the contemporary deconstruction movement.
Some progressives see deconstruction as a prophetic judgment against cultural Christianity that needs to be heeded. Many conservatives view it as apostasy that needs to be refuted.
In Walking Through Deconstruction, Ian Harber portrays deconstruction as a moment that needs to be pastored.
Part 1 focuses on the experience and causes of deconstruction, while Part 2 outlines what Christians can do to help people in the process of reconstruction.
Crisis of Faith
Harber defines deconstruction as “a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before.”
This crisis arises because a person’s spiritual expectations clash with lived experiences in unsettling ways.
While the crisis contains an intellectual component, it cannot be reduced to mere skepticism about the Bible or Christian doctrine. It calls into question a believer’s entire way of life.
People who experience this crisis are often “imaginatively gridlocked,” Harber says, borrowing a term from family therapist Edwin Friedman. They either double down on faith or give it up entirely. They cannot envision a third option.
Harber identifies three catalysts that generate crises of faith.
The first is “cultural Christianity.” Here, what passes for Christianity is a bad imitation of biblical orthodoxy, not the real thing.
Harber argues that the primary form of cultural Christianity today is what sociologist Christian Smith called “moralistic therapeutic deism” (MTD). Basically, God exists to make everyone nice and happy. MTD is the default theology of most Americans, including many American Christians.
Because MTD is self-centered — supposing God serves your happiness — it lays an inadequate spiritual foundation for life. It is especially useless in the face of tragedy and suffering.
Unfortunately, if a person mistakes MTD for authentic Christianity, doubting the former means questioning the latter, too. Imaginatively gridlocked people do not see the gospel as a third option between MTD and no faith at all.
The second catalyst for a crisis of faith is “compromised churches.” Here, Harber focuses on congregations that substitute partisanship and ideology for real spiritual formation.
The problem is that partisanship and ideology become a procrustean bed in which authentic faith must be either stretched or amputated to fit. Those who criticize these distortions are considered traitors who must be driven out rather than heeded.
In such churches, leaders get away with abusive practices because they are on the presumed right side of the culture wars. Abusive practices are defended or explained away as missional necessities. Church members must get on board or leave.
Unsurprisingly, churches that side with abusers rather than their victims drive people to personal doubt and cynicism about organized religion. What cannot be imagined is a healthy church environment that transcends partisanship and ideological capture.
The third catalyst for deconstruction is “compounded anxiety.” Many Christians view the spiritual life as a steady, progressive rise. Every day, in every way, Christians are supposed to be moving closer to God.
Suffering and spiritual setbacks call into question this vision of steady progress. Worried that they aren’t experiencing their best life now, people in crisis redouble their commitment to spiritual disciplines, hoping devotion will resolve their struggles. When that doesn’t happen, they’re tempted to abandon spirituality as unattainable.
Imaginative gridlock keeps them from a realistic, biblical view in which the spiritual life follows what C.S. Lewis called “the law of undulation.” Rather than being a steady march of upward progress, Christians experience ups and downs, with Christ present throughout.
Helping people in crisis break through their imaginative gridlock is an important goal for the Church.
There is a third way between distorted forms of Christianity and an utter rejection of faith. We want to see people move toward that option.
Non-Anxious Presence
We cannot force the issue, however. As Harber puts it, “While deconstruction inevitably leads to reconstruction, there is no inevitable outcome of reconstruction” (emphasis in original).
The outcome depends on how a person in crisis responds to the Holy Spirit’s illuminating work.
What role, then, do believers play while walking with family, friends, and church members through deconstruction?
Drawing once again on Friedman, Harber argues that Christians need to be a “non-anxious presence.”
People in the throes of deconstruction experience stress at elevated levels. This heightened emotional state compounds their imaginative gridlock. The last thing they need is someone adding to this anxiety.
As a minister, I have often witnessed parents responding to their adult children’s crises of faith by bombarding them with apologetics articles, books, conferences, and unwanted advice. Every conversation circles back to the crisis.
I have never seen this strategy work. Instead, it exacerbates stress and pushes individuals in crisis further from faith — damaging relationships in the process.
A non-anxious presence doesn’t react to another’s crisis that way. Instead, it decreases the anxiety a person feels, offering space and time to break free from imaginative gridlock and consider other options.
According to Harber, a non-anxious Christian engages six practices with those experiencing a crisis of faith: prayer, patience, persistence, calm, curiosity, and care.
These practices do not guarantee renewal of faith. The outcome depends on how a person responds to the Spirit’s internal witness.
Rather, these practices make you approachable. “It does no good to try and control someone through your emotions,” Harber writes. “They must be moving toward you, which means that you must be a safe person for them to move toward.”
Being a non-anxious presence does not mean avoiding difficult conversations. Harber devotes several chapters to what faith reconstruction entails.
But relationship comes first. You cannot help people reconstruct if you don’t have a seat at their table, and they won’t give you a seat if you’re not safe.
I recommend Walking Through Deconstruction to any Christian who wants to be a faithful companion to family, friends, or church members in the throes of deconstruction.
Most were “casually dechurched.” They simply fell out of the churchgoing habit, often because of a geographic move.
Others were “dechurched casualties,” however. They experienced a spiritual crisis that resulted in a change of faith.
Dechurched casualties constitute a large part of the contemporary deconstruction movement.
Some progressives see deconstruction as a prophetic judgment against cultural Christianity that needs to be heeded. Many conservatives view it as apostasy that needs to be refuted.
In Walking Through Deconstruction, Ian Harber portrays deconstruction as a moment that needs to be pastored.
Part 1 focuses on the experience and causes of deconstruction, while Part 2 outlines what Christians can do to help people in the process of reconstruction.
Crisis of Faith
Harber defines deconstruction as “a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before.”
This crisis arises because a person’s spiritual expectations clash with lived experiences in unsettling ways.
While the crisis contains an intellectual component, it cannot be reduced to mere skepticism about the Bible or Christian doctrine. It calls into question a believer’s entire way of life.
People who experience this crisis are often “imaginatively gridlocked,” Harber says, borrowing a term from family therapist Edwin Friedman. They either double down on faith or give it up entirely. They cannot envision a third option.
Harber identifies three catalysts that generate crises of faith.
The first is “cultural Christianity.” Here, what passes for Christianity is a bad imitation of biblical orthodoxy, not the real thing.
Harber argues that the primary form of cultural Christianity today is what sociologist Christian Smith called “moralistic therapeutic deism” (MTD). Basically, God exists to make everyone nice and happy. MTD is the default theology of most Americans, including many American Christians.
Because MTD is self-centered — supposing God serves your happiness — it lays an inadequate spiritual foundation for life. It is especially useless in the face of tragedy and suffering.
Unfortunately, if a person mistakes MTD for authentic Christianity, doubting the former means questioning the latter, too. Imaginatively gridlocked people do not see the gospel as a third option between MTD and no faith at all.
The second catalyst for a crisis of faith is “compromised churches.” Here, Harber focuses on congregations that substitute partisanship and ideology for real spiritual formation.
The problem is that partisanship and ideology become a procrustean bed in which authentic faith must be either stretched or amputated to fit. Those who criticize these distortions are considered traitors who must be driven out rather than heeded.
In such churches, leaders get away with abusive practices because they are on the presumed right side of the culture wars. Abusive practices are defended or explained away as missional necessities. Church members must get on board or leave.
Unsurprisingly, churches that side with abusers rather than their victims drive people to personal doubt and cynicism about organized religion. What cannot be imagined is a healthy church environment that transcends partisanship and ideological capture.
The third catalyst for deconstruction is “compounded anxiety.” Many Christians view the spiritual life as a steady, progressive rise. Every day, in every way, Christians are supposed to be moving closer to God.
Suffering and spiritual setbacks call into question this vision of steady progress. Worried that they aren’t experiencing their best life now, people in crisis redouble their commitment to spiritual disciplines, hoping devotion will resolve their struggles. When that doesn’t happen, they’re tempted to abandon spirituality as unattainable.
Imaginative gridlock keeps them from a realistic, biblical view in which the spiritual life follows what C.S. Lewis called “the law of undulation.” Rather than being a steady march of upward progress, Christians experience ups and downs, with Christ present throughout.
Helping people in crisis break through their imaginative gridlock is an important goal for the Church.
There is a third way between distorted forms of Christianity and an utter rejection of faith. We want to see people move toward that option.
Non-Anxious Presence
We cannot force the issue, however. As Harber puts it, “While deconstruction inevitably leads to reconstruction, there is no inevitable outcome of reconstruction” (emphasis in original).
The outcome depends on how a person in crisis responds to the Holy Spirit’s illuminating work.
What role, then, do believers play while walking with family, friends, and church members through deconstruction?
Drawing once again on Friedman, Harber argues that Christians need to be a “non-anxious presence.”
People in the throes of deconstruction experience stress at elevated levels. This heightened emotional state compounds their imaginative gridlock. The last thing they need is someone adding to this anxiety.
As a minister, I have often witnessed parents responding to their adult children’s crises of faith by bombarding them with apologetics articles, books, conferences, and unwanted advice. Every conversation circles back to the crisis.
I have never seen this strategy work. Instead, it exacerbates stress and pushes individuals in crisis further from faith — damaging relationships in the process.
A non-anxious presence doesn’t react to another’s crisis that way. Instead, it decreases the anxiety a person feels, offering space and time to break free from imaginative gridlock and consider other options.
According to Harber, a non-anxious Christian engages six practices with those experiencing a crisis of faith: prayer, patience, persistence, calm, curiosity, and care.
These practices do not guarantee renewal of faith. The outcome depends on how a person responds to the Spirit’s internal witness.
Rather, these practices make you approachable. “It does no good to try and control someone through your emotions,” Harber writes. “They must be moving toward you, which means that you must be a safe person for them to move toward.”
Being a non-anxious presence does not mean avoiding difficult conversations. Harber devotes several chapters to what faith reconstruction entails.
But relationship comes first. You cannot help people reconstruct if you don’t have a seat at their table, and they won’t give you a seat if you’re not safe.
I recommend Walking Through Deconstruction to any Christian who wants to be a faithful companion to family, friends, or church members in the throes of deconstruction.
P.S. This article first appeared at InfluenceMagazine.com and is reposted here by permission.
P.P.S. If you like my review, please click "Helpful" on my Amazon review page.
January 20, 2025
This was a recommendation from Tim Challies’ newsletter and I don’t know much about the author at all, but WOW I am so glad I picked up this book.
This book is not an exvangelical’s tell-all memoir, nor was it necessarily written for you to hand off to the person you know who is in the middle of deconstructing. Written from the perspective of someone who “was deeply hurt by the Church and was also deeply healed by Jesus through the ministry of the Church”, it provides a resource for the family, friends, and pastors of the deconstructing, to help them understand, encourage, and come alongside their loved ones as they wrestle with their doubts.
Harbor provides personal experience, faithful biblical insight, and a deep love for Christ and his people, all of which inform his writing and his call for the Church to change how they approach those who are deconstructing.
I was so encouraged by this book, as I think about many people I know and love who are at various points along the deconstruction journey. I feel better informed of what leads to it, what it entails, and the different end results. I feel better equipped to talk, listen, and empathize with someone going through it. And most importantly, I feel motivated to love Christ well by loving people well amidst their doubts, through the relaying of the true gospel and relating God’s character to real life.
This book is not an exvangelical’s tell-all memoir, nor was it necessarily written for you to hand off to the person you know who is in the middle of deconstructing. Written from the perspective of someone who “was deeply hurt by the Church and was also deeply healed by Jesus through the ministry of the Church”, it provides a resource for the family, friends, and pastors of the deconstructing, to help them understand, encourage, and come alongside their loved ones as they wrestle with their doubts.
Harbor provides personal experience, faithful biblical insight, and a deep love for Christ and his people, all of which inform his writing and his call for the Church to change how they approach those who are deconstructing.
I was so encouraged by this book, as I think about many people I know and love who are at various points along the deconstruction journey. I feel better informed of what leads to it, what it entails, and the different end results. I feel better equipped to talk, listen, and empathize with someone going through it. And most importantly, I feel motivated to love Christ well by loving people well amidst their doubts, through the relaying of the true gospel and relating God’s character to real life.
December 21, 2024
Full of hope for the struggling soul.
February 11, 2025
This book is so good. Every Christian can benefit from the message. Deconstruction is treated not a something that always leads to apostasy (though it can), but as something that every Christian goes through. We all have doubts or have a crisis of faith at some point. Ian gives practical advice for how to walk along side someone who is deconstructing at some level. This is fantastic, but it think personally it reassures me that when I am doubting I am actually strengthening my faith rather than losing it.
January 21, 2025
There are lots of books about deconstruction and doubt these days. This might be the best of the bunch.
January 22, 2025
I’m still thinking about this one…but I’ll give it 4 stars for now because this is definitely something I believe the church should be aware of in order to disciple each other well. He has some helpful general information throughout but definitely landed the book with a beautiful conclusion.
April 16, 2025
I would rate this a 3.5/5 stars. I didn’t like it as much as “The Deconstruction of Christianity,” but it was still good. It was longer, more technical, heavier on the theology side, and used less story telling, so for me it was not as helpful or enjoyable, but it was fine.
I appreciated the various books he references though. I had read several of them, so that was a fun surprise.
I appreciated the various books he references though. I had read several of them, so that was a fun surprise.
March 2, 2025
This is the best book on deconstruction I have read. Ian writes with hope and honesty, guiding the Church through this difficult topic. I highly recommend every church leader and Christian read this book for an understanding on how to best come alongside people who are navigating deconstruction.
April 17, 2025
Related links:
- podcast: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/po...
- blog post: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/ar...
- podcast: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/po...
- blog post: https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/ar...
June 2, 2025
Summary: What it is, why it happens, the phases of deconstruction and walking with someone through this process.
I was both surprised by a statistic in the Introduction to Walking Through Deconstruction and found it confirming of something I’ve witnessed anecdotally. While we think of large numbers of youth walking away from Christian faith, the average age of the person deconstructing their faith is 54. And, having passed that age, I’ve seen it happen. All the beliefs and practices and ways of living one’s faith that worked in their twenties and thirties aren’t working so well at mid-life. It is as if they have hit a proverbial wall. Some give up and embrace a post-Christian life. Others go through a process of questioning and struggling with their faith, and for some, they end up with a reconstructed faith that is deeper and more resilient than when they started.
Of course, deconstructing faith occurs at different ages and for a variety of reasons ranging from intellectual questioning to some sort of abuse from a figure in power. It can be scary if you are a believer and watching this happen to a friend. You don’t want to see a friend walk away from Christ. And you want to support them while not making it worse.
Ian Harber has been there. First of all, he went through his own process of deconstructing faith, and nearly a decade later came to a deeper, reconstructed faith. Friends who cared and a different church that took him deeply into scripture, theology, church history, and a life of discipleship all helped. Second, he has ministered with many going through the same thing. His book explains what deconstruction is, why it happens, and the phases one goes through. Then he explains how a person may reconstruct with the help of Christian community.
He begins by defining deconstruction: “Deconstruction is a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before. For some, the issues are more cultural. And for others, they are more doctrinal.
Deconstruction is an experience of hitting the Wall. He cites Janet O. Hagberg’s The Critical Journey and the season when God seems absent and the old answers don’t work. One grieves the loss of God. It is a crisis on par with losing a loved one and we may observe the same stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
For many, their Christian faith is in an imaginative gridlock. We try harder, look for answers rather than ask questions, and engage in either-or thinking. For others, it is church that needs deconstructing. Churches are performative rather than formative. Biblical teaching is thin, they veer either into legalism or license. Some cover up abuse. Others have fallen into the captive embrace of politics.
Perhaps the most challenging chapter is on the deconstruction of self. The culture emphasizes our self-fulfillment and our digital devices help us curate our own lives, albeit, disembodied ones. This stands in contrast to the idea that we are not our own and made for community. Harber follows with a chapter on possible ends for deconstruction. Inevitably, we will reconstruct in some way, either into a secular intellectualism, or some form of ideology or idolatry, or into a renewed faith.
The second part of the book, then, envisions the process of reconstruction into a renewed faith. One key component is non-anxious friendships. These are people who are present, who pray, on are patient with questions, and who persist but don’t push anxiously. Suffering may be a real issue, whether physical or emotional. To walk alongside someone in suffering is to walk the path of the cross from the grief of Mary to her dawning hope in the resurrection, allowing suffering to form character.
Belief needs to be reconstructed as well. Instead of just propositions, doctrine may be understood as the story in which we live. Harber also encourages distinguishing essential, doctrines from those that are urgent, then important, and finally indifferent. In place of performative church, Harber discusses a discipleship that focuses on devotion, formation, and mission before God’s face.
This requires reconstructed churches. They are devoted to scripture, sacrament, and a social life of hospitality. Finally, instead of taking the route of some who deconstruct in saying God is unknowable and defies our attempts to capture him in our theologies, Harber speaks of what we may know of God. He is united, crucified, and alive.
I hear Harber saying that deconstruction is both a crisis to take seriously and an opportunity for God to deepen a reconstructed faith. We should not write it off as the decision to pursue a sinful lifestyle. Real deconstruction, as messy as it looks, is a process in which one seeks God amid the clutter of an inadequately formed faith. Instead, Harber invites us to be the non-anxious presence through which God works. And he invites churches to move from being performative institutions to formative communities, offering substantive models of faith and discipleship. This book is full of wisdom and hope.
____________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.
I was both surprised by a statistic in the Introduction to Walking Through Deconstruction and found it confirming of something I’ve witnessed anecdotally. While we think of large numbers of youth walking away from Christian faith, the average age of the person deconstructing their faith is 54. And, having passed that age, I’ve seen it happen. All the beliefs and practices and ways of living one’s faith that worked in their twenties and thirties aren’t working so well at mid-life. It is as if they have hit a proverbial wall. Some give up and embrace a post-Christian life. Others go through a process of questioning and struggling with their faith, and for some, they end up with a reconstructed faith that is deeper and more resilient than when they started.
Of course, deconstructing faith occurs at different ages and for a variety of reasons ranging from intellectual questioning to some sort of abuse from a figure in power. It can be scary if you are a believer and watching this happen to a friend. You don’t want to see a friend walk away from Christ. And you want to support them while not making it worse.
Ian Harber has been there. First of all, he went through his own process of deconstructing faith, and nearly a decade later came to a deeper, reconstructed faith. Friends who cared and a different church that took him deeply into scripture, theology, church history, and a life of discipleship all helped. Second, he has ministered with many going through the same thing. His book explains what deconstruction is, why it happens, and the phases one goes through. Then he explains how a person may reconstruct with the help of Christian community.
He begins by defining deconstruction: “Deconstruction is a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before. For some, the issues are more cultural. And for others, they are more doctrinal.
Deconstruction is an experience of hitting the Wall. He cites Janet O. Hagberg’s The Critical Journey and the season when God seems absent and the old answers don’t work. One grieves the loss of God. It is a crisis on par with losing a loved one and we may observe the same stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.
For many, their Christian faith is in an imaginative gridlock. We try harder, look for answers rather than ask questions, and engage in either-or thinking. For others, it is church that needs deconstructing. Churches are performative rather than formative. Biblical teaching is thin, they veer either into legalism or license. Some cover up abuse. Others have fallen into the captive embrace of politics.
Perhaps the most challenging chapter is on the deconstruction of self. The culture emphasizes our self-fulfillment and our digital devices help us curate our own lives, albeit, disembodied ones. This stands in contrast to the idea that we are not our own and made for community. Harber follows with a chapter on possible ends for deconstruction. Inevitably, we will reconstruct in some way, either into a secular intellectualism, or some form of ideology or idolatry, or into a renewed faith.
The second part of the book, then, envisions the process of reconstruction into a renewed faith. One key component is non-anxious friendships. These are people who are present, who pray, on are patient with questions, and who persist but don’t push anxiously. Suffering may be a real issue, whether physical or emotional. To walk alongside someone in suffering is to walk the path of the cross from the grief of Mary to her dawning hope in the resurrection, allowing suffering to form character.
Belief needs to be reconstructed as well. Instead of just propositions, doctrine may be understood as the story in which we live. Harber also encourages distinguishing essential, doctrines from those that are urgent, then important, and finally indifferent. In place of performative church, Harber discusses a discipleship that focuses on devotion, formation, and mission before God’s face.
This requires reconstructed churches. They are devoted to scripture, sacrament, and a social life of hospitality. Finally, instead of taking the route of some who deconstruct in saying God is unknowable and defies our attempts to capture him in our theologies, Harber speaks of what we may know of God. He is united, crucified, and alive.
I hear Harber saying that deconstruction is both a crisis to take seriously and an opportunity for God to deepen a reconstructed faith. We should not write it off as the decision to pursue a sinful lifestyle. Real deconstruction, as messy as it looks, is a process in which one seeks God amid the clutter of an inadequately formed faith. Instead, Harber invites us to be the non-anxious presence through which God works. And he invites churches to move from being performative institutions to formative communities, offering substantive models of faith and discipleship. This book is full of wisdom and hope.
____________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from the publisher for review.
May 20, 2025
3.5 stars, rounded up.
Deconstruction has been a controversial topic for a while now, and lots of people have written memoirs about their deconstruction journeys, or have written books about the dangers of deconstruction. This book takes a completely different approach. Ian Harber focuses on how Christians can be supportive companions to people who are going through faith crises. He defines key terms, describes significant markers on most deconstruction journeys, and explores some of the common factors influencing people to deconstruct.
He also writes about the process of reconstruction, exploring key aspects of what it involves for someone to grow in and deepen their faith after periods of challenging their faith and unraveling their beliefs. Harber highlights the importance of friends and family in this process, and he encourages readers to become a "non-anxious presence" in the lives of doubting and deconstructing loved ones. This book repeatedly underscores this theme, explaining how important it is for people experiencing a faith crisis to be able to talk to loved ones who don't act threatened by their questions or shifting beliefs.
Harber deconstructed his faith in the past, but later returned to biblical, orthodox Christian beliefs. His personal experiences give this book a calmer, more balanced tone than most. He understands what it feel like to go through deconstruction, and he understands what it feels like to look on in concern when other people are walking away from Jesus or abandoning key biblical doctrines. Because this author deeply understands both sides of the issue, the book is very balanced, and does not feel combative or defensive.
This book is very helpful overall, but I noticed that it got repetitive at times. Also, I would have appreciated it if the author had better addressed more complicated deconstruction situations. This book mostly focuses on people who are deconstructing distorted beliefs and bad experiences, and are jettisoning core Christian beliefs in the process. Those situations are extremely common, but they are also simpler and easier to respond to, if what someone most dislikes about Christianity was never in line with Scripture to begin with. Other situations are more challenging, where someone truly does understand the faith they are walking away from, and doesn't want any part of it anymore. If the author had further addressed those types of situations, this book could be even more helpful to even more people.
This is a thoughtful guide for Christians who are concerned about deconstruction, and who want to better understand and support loved ones who are questioning their faith. This book is very informative, clear, and helpful, and the author's personal experiences give this book greater depth and credibility. I would recommend this to Christians who want to better understand the issue, support others, and reflect more deeply on their own faith journeys.
I received a free copy from the publisher, and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.
Deconstruction has been a controversial topic for a while now, and lots of people have written memoirs about their deconstruction journeys, or have written books about the dangers of deconstruction. This book takes a completely different approach. Ian Harber focuses on how Christians can be supportive companions to people who are going through faith crises. He defines key terms, describes significant markers on most deconstruction journeys, and explores some of the common factors influencing people to deconstruct.
He also writes about the process of reconstruction, exploring key aspects of what it involves for someone to grow in and deepen their faith after periods of challenging their faith and unraveling their beliefs. Harber highlights the importance of friends and family in this process, and he encourages readers to become a "non-anxious presence" in the lives of doubting and deconstructing loved ones. This book repeatedly underscores this theme, explaining how important it is for people experiencing a faith crisis to be able to talk to loved ones who don't act threatened by their questions or shifting beliefs.
Harber deconstructed his faith in the past, but later returned to biblical, orthodox Christian beliefs. His personal experiences give this book a calmer, more balanced tone than most. He understands what it feel like to go through deconstruction, and he understands what it feels like to look on in concern when other people are walking away from Jesus or abandoning key biblical doctrines. Because this author deeply understands both sides of the issue, the book is very balanced, and does not feel combative or defensive.
This book is very helpful overall, but I noticed that it got repetitive at times. Also, I would have appreciated it if the author had better addressed more complicated deconstruction situations. This book mostly focuses on people who are deconstructing distorted beliefs and bad experiences, and are jettisoning core Christian beliefs in the process. Those situations are extremely common, but they are also simpler and easier to respond to, if what someone most dislikes about Christianity was never in line with Scripture to begin with. Other situations are more challenging, where someone truly does understand the faith they are walking away from, and doesn't want any part of it anymore. If the author had further addressed those types of situations, this book could be even more helpful to even more people.
This is a thoughtful guide for Christians who are concerned about deconstruction, and who want to better understand and support loved ones who are questioning their faith. This book is very informative, clear, and helpful, and the author's personal experiences give this book greater depth and credibility. I would recommend this to Christians who want to better understand the issue, support others, and reflect more deeply on their own faith journeys.
I received a free copy from the publisher, and am voluntarily leaving an honest review.
June 18, 2025
Deconstruction in a religious sense… A bit of a more modern term for backsliding. Slightly different, but it is essentially a term referring to the modern day equivalent. Deconstruction is an act performed by a person of faith where they question everything they believe. They question the existence of God, the validity of scripture, established fundamental doctrine, and any ideology related to whichever theological background they are from.
So. Is this book for deconstructing or against it? Eh. Both. Maybe. No. Definitely for, but only by technicality.
The author went through deconstruction and then through reconstruction. Therefore he has a unique point of view where he can see how deconstruction can be a good thing. However, there really is no guarantee that an individual that goes through deconstruction will ever go through reconstruction. So, to me, there is no world where deconstruction is a good thing.
Is it something that is bound to happen to some people? Most certainly. We don’t have to like it, but it is important that we handle it with grace, mercy, and love. Which is basically what the author tries to get across for the majority of the book.
The author is sympathetic to people that go through deconstruction because he himself did too. I myself want to be sympathetic towards people going through deconstruction but I feel like the question shouldn’t first be how do I handle these people, the first question is how can I create a culture in my church where deconstruction is never truly necessary. Not that people won’t experience it or go through it, but they do so without a true complaint in the church.
The goal of the author is to love people through the foolishness of deconstruction. An idea that I 100% agree with when you come across someone deconstructing. (An idea that is significantly harder to execute than agree with.) My goal would be to create a church culture where nobody feels the need to deconstruct and all the deconstructed people in our church started deconstruction at a different church and my church helped them move to reconstruction.
So. Obviously the goal would be to never have a church that ever moved a soul to deconstruction. Still. Even the best of us, and the best of churches, have their share of deconstructs. In that regard this book does great in explaining different ways to show love and mercy and help an individual through deconstructing.
The epic failure of the book is in helping lead a deconstructing Christian to a reconstructing paradigm. The epic failure is in truly applicable paths towards reconstruction. The end is filled more with the author’s specific theological ideology. While most of it I agree with there is a good portion that I do not agree with. Particularly most of the segment about the Trinity. We fundamentally disagree there and it has no true bearing on the book.
Overall. It’s a good book with good insights on a growing problem inside of the church. That doesn’t make it great. It barely makes it good. Still. I was entertained enough to be willing to read more!
So. Is this book for deconstructing or against it? Eh. Both. Maybe. No. Definitely for, but only by technicality.
The author went through deconstruction and then through reconstruction. Therefore he has a unique point of view where he can see how deconstruction can be a good thing. However, there really is no guarantee that an individual that goes through deconstruction will ever go through reconstruction. So, to me, there is no world where deconstruction is a good thing.
Is it something that is bound to happen to some people? Most certainly. We don’t have to like it, but it is important that we handle it with grace, mercy, and love. Which is basically what the author tries to get across for the majority of the book.
The author is sympathetic to people that go through deconstruction because he himself did too. I myself want to be sympathetic towards people going through deconstruction but I feel like the question shouldn’t first be how do I handle these people, the first question is how can I create a culture in my church where deconstruction is never truly necessary. Not that people won’t experience it or go through it, but they do so without a true complaint in the church.
The goal of the author is to love people through the foolishness of deconstruction. An idea that I 100% agree with when you come across someone deconstructing. (An idea that is significantly harder to execute than agree with.) My goal would be to create a church culture where nobody feels the need to deconstruct and all the deconstructed people in our church started deconstruction at a different church and my church helped them move to reconstruction.
So. Obviously the goal would be to never have a church that ever moved a soul to deconstruction. Still. Even the best of us, and the best of churches, have their share of deconstructs. In that regard this book does great in explaining different ways to show love and mercy and help an individual through deconstructing.
The epic failure of the book is in helping lead a deconstructing Christian to a reconstructing paradigm. The epic failure is in truly applicable paths towards reconstruction. The end is filled more with the author’s specific theological ideology. While most of it I agree with there is a good portion that I do not agree with. Particularly most of the segment about the Trinity. We fundamentally disagree there and it has no true bearing on the book.
Overall. It’s a good book with good insights on a growing problem inside of the church. That doesn’t make it great. It barely makes it good. Still. I was entertained enough to be willing to read more!
March 21, 2025
Where can you find help and hope in deconstruction? In Walking Through Deconstruction, Ian Harber shares how to be a companion in a crisis of faith.
Deconstruction
Harber defines deconstruction as “a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before.” He tells his own story of deconstruction and reconstruction while offering guidance to the church.
There are many factors that contribute to deconstruction. Amidst the challenges of attractionalism, abuse, and cover-ups, Harber argues that embracing partisan politics can contribute to the process of deconstructing the church. This book is a timely read for those grappling with these issues in the evangelical world.
Authenticity and Awareness
I was most intrigued by Harber’s exploration of deconstructing the self. He delves into the nature of our performative identities and stresses the importance of embracing reality within the church community. It’s a call for authenticity.
We must also be aware of how social media and the internet can spark deconstruction. While the internet has been a tool for growing my own faith, Harber highlights how an encounter with one of the original deconversion videos on YouTube was a pivotal moment that pushed him into the throes of deconstruction. This is a sobering reality of the world we live in that must be acknowledged.
Reconstruction
Reconstruction, according to Harber, begins by offering a non-anxious presence—through prayer, patience, persistence, calm, curiosity, and care. These qualities are essential for walking alongside others through their faith journey.
This book provides wisdom for pastors, friends, and family members when dealing with deconstruction. Harber goes on to explore reconstructing relationships, suffering, belief, discipleship, church, and God. Ultimately, Harber calls us to remain faithful, even in the midst of doubt and uncertainty.
Solid Ground
This is an absolutely honest and incredibly important book. Walking Through Deconstruction concludes on a triumphant note: God is not scared of deconstruction, doubts, criqitues, suffering, or cynicism. Even when faith is shaken, we walk on solid ground.
I received a media copy of Walking Through Deconstruction and this is my honest review.
Deconstruction
Harber defines deconstruction as “a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before.” He tells his own story of deconstruction and reconstruction while offering guidance to the church.
There are many factors that contribute to deconstruction. Amidst the challenges of attractionalism, abuse, and cover-ups, Harber argues that embracing partisan politics can contribute to the process of deconstructing the church. This book is a timely read for those grappling with these issues in the evangelical world.
Authenticity and Awareness
I was most intrigued by Harber’s exploration of deconstructing the self. He delves into the nature of our performative identities and stresses the importance of embracing reality within the church community. It’s a call for authenticity.
We must also be aware of how social media and the internet can spark deconstruction. While the internet has been a tool for growing my own faith, Harber highlights how an encounter with one of the original deconversion videos on YouTube was a pivotal moment that pushed him into the throes of deconstruction. This is a sobering reality of the world we live in that must be acknowledged.
Reconstruction
Reconstruction, according to Harber, begins by offering a non-anxious presence—through prayer, patience, persistence, calm, curiosity, and care. These qualities are essential for walking alongside others through their faith journey.
This book provides wisdom for pastors, friends, and family members when dealing with deconstruction. Harber goes on to explore reconstructing relationships, suffering, belief, discipleship, church, and God. Ultimately, Harber calls us to remain faithful, even in the midst of doubt and uncertainty.
Solid Ground
This is an absolutely honest and incredibly important book. Walking Through Deconstruction concludes on a triumphant note: God is not scared of deconstruction, doubts, criqitues, suffering, or cynicism. Even when faith is shaken, we walk on solid ground.
I received a media copy of Walking Through Deconstruction and this is my honest review.
July 25, 2025
Such a wonderful synthesis of what it means to deconstruct. Especially helpful when deconstruction has become mainstream and because of that has been altered from a true search for meaning. A working definition Harbor offers is "a crisis of faith that leads to the questioning of core doctrines and untangling of cultural ideologies that settles in a faith that is different from before". Ultimately, a call to leave all at Jesus' feet, echoing the words of the disciples in John's gospel, "Lord, to whom will we go? You have the words of eternal life. We have come to believe and know that you are the Holy One of God."
This work takes a deep dive into how we can practically work through deconstruction as the body of Christ in a way that forms us into the likeness of Jesus, while also leaving room for incredible nuance.
Perhaps saying that Jesus is the only way, the one true way, without forcing dogma or arguing apologetics, rather by embodying love, recognizing that experience of God is the fuel of belief not the other way around. A deeply convicting and compassionate read.
This work takes a deep dive into how we can practically work through deconstruction as the body of Christ in a way that forms us into the likeness of Jesus, while also leaving room for incredible nuance.
Perhaps saying that Jesus is the only way, the one true way, without forcing dogma or arguing apologetics, rather by embodying love, recognizing that experience of God is the fuel of belief not the other way around. A deeply convicting and compassionate read.
February 19, 2025
This isnt the perfect book on deconstruction; it's not going to please everyone, it's not going to represent everyone, and its not going to enlighten everyone. But this author is charitable. The subject is handled seriously and if you are someone who is looking to understand some of what is going on with decontruction this will be helpful in holding your hand through some ideas and concepts relating to deconstruction. This may be a helpful first step for a conservative pastor who doesnt understand what is being said when people say they are struggling.
Ive seen and heard many of these topics spoken of more dynamically, charismatically, and with more clarity and empathy. But no where have I seen or read somethign that is as througough on the topic all in one place. Worth your time if you want to better understand deconstruction.
Ive seen and heard many of these topics spoken of more dynamically, charismatically, and with more clarity and empathy. But no where have I seen or read somethign that is as througough on the topic all in one place. Worth your time if you want to better understand deconstruction.
February 14, 2025
Great book
The original plan was to skim the book but I could not stop reading. Ian does a great job in describing the current climate we are in today. But not only that but offers us hope for the future church. I want to end with this quote (sorry I am kindle and can not find the page number): “I’m not worried about the church’s future. I’m worried about our future with the church. I want to be with God’s people when Jesus brings his kingdom, not away from them. I want Jesus to come back for his bride and find a people who have been waiting expectantly for him, not seeking their own kingdom with other grooms who promised them power like Satan did when he tempted Jesus on the high mountain.”
The original plan was to skim the book but I could not stop reading. Ian does a great job in describing the current climate we are in today. But not only that but offers us hope for the future church. I want to end with this quote (sorry I am kindle and can not find the page number): “I’m not worried about the church’s future. I’m worried about our future with the church. I want to be with God’s people when Jesus brings his kingdom, not away from them. I want Jesus to come back for his bride and find a people who have been waiting expectantly for him, not seeking their own kingdom with other grooms who promised them power like Satan did when he tempted Jesus on the high mountain.”
January 28, 2025
A compassionate, helpful view of deconstruction from someone who has been through it. This book was full of helpful ways of both understanding deconstruction as well as how to walk with those going through it, and the last chapter was a beautiful and refreshing reminder of the strength of the gospel. For those going through deconstruction or those walking with someone who is, this book is a valuable resource!
December 14, 2025
Library ebook. The first half of the book defines deconstruction and discusses aspects of it. The author acknowledges that each person has a different experience if deconstructing. I found this part of the book to be very interesting and helpful. The second half of the book deals with reconstruction. I found this part less helpful, but very much agreed that devotion to Christ is where we must all start. Understanding comes with time. Above all is loving each other.
March 14, 2025
Uhm I had higher hopes for this book. He was super repetitive and somewhat contradictory? He starts out validating and giving a voice to those who are/have deconstructed — emphasizing how arduous it is to deconstruct — and then basically talks at those individuals? I think I wanted more light shed on the churches response to those are deconstructing. Also, writing was subpar, which annoyed me
March 25, 2025
I'd been hearing about faith deconstruction but didn't really know what it was. I got many of my questions answered through this book. My perspective has been changed and my eyes have been opened to the struggle. Great book for those looking to help loved ones when they tell you they are deconstructing.
April 1, 2025
I've been waiting for this book, and wondering why it's taken so long for someone to write it. Finally a sane, non-anxious voice in the conversation about deconstruction. Ian writes from his own experience, which makes this book far more useful than the books written "about" deconstructers. Pick it up. This is where we start.
June 5, 2025
Freeing Read
This is a great readcfor anyone questioning their faith. While it is aimed at reconstructing those who have deconstructed their faith, it is a refreshing balm for those with unanswered questions and that is ok.
This is a great readcfor anyone questioning their faith. While it is aimed at reconstructing those who have deconstructed their faith, it is a refreshing balm for those with unanswered questions and that is ok.
July 4, 2025
everyone in ministry should read this book… from elder to small group leader, to youth group leader. as someone who has experienced the Wall, and come through it - this is an important tool for the Church to be the best, non-anxious kind of community needed.
July 16, 2025
A masterclass in not only how to love others well, but how to walk through your own life well! I wish it was required reading for all 12-13 year olds and adults alike; that I could memorize whole sections. Well done, Mr. Harber, an old soul, wise beyond his years!
Read
February 3, 2025This was really good. Measured, compassionate, hopeful, and fair.
March 8, 2025
Wise and compassionate.
March 19, 2025
A helpful book for people who are experiencing or have experienced a deconstruction journey, and an essential read for anyone else who loves someone who is deconstructing.
March 20, 2025
This is a must read for ministries leaders.
May 23, 2025
First 1/3 rd was meh, after that is was ok
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