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305 pages, Paperback
First published August 22, 2023
The rushing of the water turned to whispers, hisses sounding one word over and over: Alicia, Alicia, Alicia. It became a song. Alicia could hear River Mumma’s voice in the current. Intoxicating and haunting. Waves splashed on the bank, breaking upon Alicia’s feet, encircling her ankles like hands gripping her joints. She felt an ever-so-delicate pull toward the river, and she complied. She should resist, but she couldn’t. She had to listen to what the voice said.
In the time Alicia referred to as Before, things weren’t like this. She wasn’t like this. Four years of undergrad completed in three, another eighteen months in New York earning an MA and founding a graduate lit mag, and internships at two boutique literary agencies. She was on her way to becoming the next Toni Morrison of publishing, only to graduate and discover a wasteland in place of the opportunities she’d been promised. She’d returned to Toronto when her money ran out, applied everywhere, and got no interviews. Now everything seemed pointless, including and especially this party.
She wanted to get up and rally — she’d spent much longer at UC than she’d intended, it was already eleven o’clock and she still had no way of finding the comb — but her body hadn’t finished processing the knowledge her ancestors had decided she should experience first-hand in order to acquire. It was a peculiar thing; to feel such a profound sense of pride in the resistance, in the will to live of the people who came before her, and feel personally lacking in the face of that ability at the same time. She had done nothing with her life. When tasked with a duty, the same kind of duty they’d carried out, she resented the responsibility. Heaven was right. She wasn’t the right person for this job.