Sam and Milo aka S & M: A Splatter Comedy

by Chisto Healy

Sam is an artist losing his vision, but a date with Marty lights a spark, and he sets out to create his masterpiece.

Sam meets Milo and knows he's perfect for his next idea, but Milo brings more than the tool Sam needs.

Killers are coming but Sam is committed to his art. He's determined to finish

Genres: Horror, Splatterpunk

87 pages, Kindle Edition

Published May 15, 2024

About the author

Chisto started writing as a child and it was always his biggest passion, though he is also a musician and artist. When he was forced to quarantine in March 2020 due to the pandemic, he decided to focus on his writing and write full-time and has since had 100 stories accepted to be published, many of which are already out there. He hopes this is only the beginning...

Reviews

[Yvonne (the putrid Shelf) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well, bend me over, slap my arse and call me Sally. this book was a wild ride. Like imagine the most imaginative fever dream, then sprinkle on a helping of spunk, gore and violence and then you'll find yourself getting close to what Sam and Milo aka S&M is all about. The author made me laugh with his crazily imaginative scenes and slapstick comedy. I'm trying to remember what it reminded me of and I ended up coming to the conclusion that it doesn't remind me of anything. There is nothing out there quite like this, and this is the endearing thing. Pick up Sam and Milo and you are guaranteed to have the best time.

Healy chains you down with his visceral imagery, a gruelling read of disgusting proportions. A sadistic 5 stars.

[Phrique · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you went into a restaurant and said you had a taste for something but wasn’t sure what it was…you just knew if it was a book it would be:
-something fucked up
-something that makes you say WTF a lot
-something that had some of the weirdest sex scenes ever
-something that makes you look at your genitalia questioning if certain things were possible
-something that made you laugh at things you know you shouldn’t
…I know you want me to say the waitress would bring back a steaming hot bowl of “Sam & Milo” by Chisto Healy. I want to, trust me, but that’s just not how restaurants work. The waitress would tell you to go to your library and ask them. Then the librarian would ask you nicely to leave cuz they’re not ordering that & why are you like this?

Quick Synopsis:
Sam is a very horny sadist. The more pain you’re in, the bigger the wet spot gets. He may want to get his levels checked, but he’s a fictional character, so I digress. We are here for a wild ride that promises some grade A depravity by an absolute psychotic that you almost feel for? Till he jams another thing into…another…thing and yeah…it’s just a LOT.

Chisto has created a kinky(er), (more) unhinged Deadpool …with no pants. Like Deadpool after dark? Doing things that you hope Marvel/Disney never finds out about. Healy has gone full splatter but with zany antics sprinkled among some hella vile acts. It’s truly an experience that should be had by all who like to test their shock / revulsion / humor threshold. If you survive, at least you can think back fondly at the fun, absurd time that you had along the way.

P.s. I still can’t get that fucking song out of my head.

[Jessica Mays · Rating 5 out of 5]

This has to be one of the funniest and craziest books I've read. Sam constantly breaking the fourth wall, doing the most devious lewd acts....fucking leprechaun charms... Chisto, you had my attention since page 1. Loved this story

[Claudia Rambles · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’ve read it and let me tell you… If there’s a hole, Sam will stick it in.
… and if there isn’t he will make one and carry on.
Because Sam is a sadist and a very creative one.
After a date with Marty and catching his eye, he comes up with a brilliant idea for his next masterpiece… and Milo is about to help.

Sam is the kind of character I love. Totally unhinged and absolutely hilarious.
He’ll have you laughing while doing the most gruesome things to people or offering them some of the most disgusting food ever.

It might ruin sandwiches and cereals for you forever, but if you’re not squeamish, I definitely recommend this one!

This review and more here:
Instagram | Tiktok | Youtube

[Danielle Yvonne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ll be honest, I usually go into my reviews pretty confident. But this one, this one gave me a run for my money. 😅

Why? Because how the hell am I suppose to explain how an absolutely unhinged and depraved splatterpunk story had me in stitches from laughing and now possesses one of my favorite characters to ever exist in a book? 😂

Chisto brought out the big guns with this one and went full throttle unhinged from cover to cover. The MMC is twisted and sick, yet an absolute riot and oddly relatable. 🤣 There’s sex, gore, unique violence and everything in between. The characters are done so well that Chisto basically guarantees they will live rent free in your head forever. 🤪 You will also feel the urge to call someone Mr Cumsocket at least 15x a day. 💀

There’s not a soul in the extreme community that I wouldn’t recommend this book to, so if you like Pina Coladas, Chisto, or just a really amazing story, make sure you get your hands on this.

🪩🕺🏻🍍🍹🌈

[Veronica ☠️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sam is a sexual sadist. An artist really. But he's bored and needs to spice things up. After being with Marty, a master idea comes to his mind and his excitement comes back. When he sets his eyes on Milo, a beautiful stranger, he's ready to do another masterpiece. He brings Milo back to his cabin and starts to prep him. But who is this Milo? He's mysterious and full of attitude. Sam is willing to find out in order to fulfill his needs.

Depraved and very funny, Sam and Milo was great! Sam is sadistic but with a great sense of humour. I found myself laughing quite a bit with him. He taunts you, tortures you, all while playing his favourite song, "Do you like Pina Coladas.." I refuse to let this book ruin sandwiches for me so I'll skip the mayo for a bit! Some of the torture scenes were creative and strangely hilarious. Sam really does have charm. If you need a good laugh filled with gore, I highly suggest you grab a copy of this.

[Angel Medina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Who said Splatterpunk couldn't be funny? Chisto just proved me wrong in this sadistic but funny story. Sam is one sick person (Keeping it PG here hehe). To put the cherry on top quite literally, Chisto managed to make Pina Coladas something I have to question whether it's safe to drink or not.

This was a quick but funny story, as long as you don't mind the splatterpunk portion and the many penis references.

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

CW: excrement, gore, sexual assault, vomit

Well, this was as creative, fun, gross, and hilarious as I thought it would be. Sam's actions are sadistic and unhinged. I felt bad for the people he tortures, and yet despite everything he puts his victims through I found myself enjoying spending time with him. He is an extremely unlikeable bi character and I can't wait to see what else he gets up to in the sequel. Also, the random moments in which Sam points out that he's in a book are amusing. :)

[Radar DeBoard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely brutal and disgusting, but in a fun way!

Sam is the perfect character for this kind of depraved journey. It speaks volumes of Healy's ability as a writer to get me to like Sam, even with all the horrific things he ends up doing. This one isn't for the faint of heart, but it is for those who love pina coladas!

[Bambi Ortiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was so much fun! I love the way Chisto wrote this to where his main character talks about the book.

Sam is unhinged and has no respect for people's feelings or their well-being. But also, I love his sick sense of humor and his sarcasm, and I need more Sam in my life!

[Ashley Hana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Girllll, I swear, Healy really thought of some ways to torture that I could've never even possibly considered. How does one come up with THAT many creative new ways I hadn't read yet?! Impressive, honestly.
Sam has me absolutely wheezing. He's a delulu icon and I already need more of him.

[Aiden Messer · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing. Seriously. It's as brutal as it's hilarious. I loved all the 4th wall breaks!

[Nora Peevy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever wondered what it would be like getting abducted by the world’s funniest and most sadistic serial killer? Well, Marty doesn’t have to wonder. Plot spoiler—Marty dies at the end or lives. Haha. But before Marty dies or lives, there are so many delicious and gory scenes and the most hilarious soliloquies from our chatty and beloved killer/narrator Sam. In fact, Sam is a whizz with words, I think he’d make a good sponsor for Toast Masters, if he could stop himself from inventing new ways to put holes in people to violate them, which is Sam’s favorite hobby. Not something you would mention on a speed date, in my opinion. I don’t think you’d get too many dates. Actually, I don’t think Sam has a lot of dates at all, but maybe, that’s because he was married to the most heinous (in his opinion) woman of them all and now has some very solitary hobbies in the middle of nowhere, involving Marty … until he dies, as I mentioned. Already.

After poor Marty loses his eyeball, is thrown down a cliff, pissed on, breaks his leg, manages to claw his way to the top of the cliff and starts slowly crawling his way to freedom in the vast forest, only to be fed a literal shit salad, Sam is already on a long, masochistic and romantic date with Milo, the man in the purple pants with the salmon shirt and the cocky attitude who will soon be … well, let’s just not spoil that part of the plot for you. Let’s just say it’s very original and very painful. But who REALLY wears purple and salmon together? Sam and I both want to know about this.

Chisto Healy writes the most sidesplitting, filthy, disgusting grossout scenes that should make me want to vomit and starve myself for at least a month in penance for enjoying the book so much, but nope, I can’t do it. I guess I must be a real sicko too because I almost peed my pants more than once howling aloud reading this story in one sitting, which didn’t exactly make my napping cat a happy camper, but hey, what does he know? He licks his own butt and that is way nicer than anything that happens to anyone in this book. Sadly, when it came to offing the woman he married, I wanted it to be more twisted and demented than the rest of the book and I’m not sure if that makes me a f*cked up monster or just a two-time champion of our judicial divorce court system in America. Needless to say, I will never gaze at a safety pin, a metal straw to reduce my eco footprint, or a PVC pipe and a bucket in the same way EVER. Kudos to Healy for a depraved hellish amusement park ride. Tickets for two next time? I have a date I want to bring along. I’ll show up with roses. *grins*

Chisto Healy has written so much, I’m surprised he still has any fingers left. I went on his Amazon page and his bio says he tries to “write one chapter or one story a day.” I think he’s succeeded. He’s in too many anthologies and has too many collections and novels to name all of them here, but a bunch caught my eye. I need to read Attack of the Killer Crabs, Oh F*ck, A T-Rex, Watch out! It’s in the Trees! (The Green Rain Series), The Dying (book 1 of The Shadow Work Trilogy), and The Death Digger, written by Healy and his son Boe Healy. Pick up a book or two and a couple snacks. Maybe, don’t pick up the snacks, if you have a weak stomach. Just pick up a bucket and 7-Up®, but don’t go down the aisle with the PVC or buy a metal straw because you think you’re helping to save Mother Earth. Just trust me on this one, okay?

[William Becker · Rating 5 out of 5]

When the first words of your book that aren't the title read, "The First book in the Super Sexual Sam Series: The Magical c*** f***," you know you're in for a weird ride.

The book centers around Sam, who is after the most sadist thing possible, a way to hurt someone that is unique and exotic. I like to think from the get-go that it's a very meta and culturally aware parody of splatterpunk and senseless violence, but not in a condemnation way, rather in a way that is very conscious of the genre boundaries and flirting with them. He's pretentious and a witty narrator.

It has a very careful balance between EXTREMELY gross sexual violence and black humor, but it's written in an intelligent way where you can't help but be aware of the absurdity of it all. A lot of books that attempt to do this end up as a 2edgy4me masturbation of violence where the narrator has some sob story about why he doesn't horrible things. This comes off like a book written by Homelander from The Boys. It has some DNA in common with American Psycho undoubtedly but never feels derivative of that book

Overall, San & Milo is riveting from beginning to end. I recommend it for any fan of the genre.

[Nat Whiston · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam has a dream, a pretty messed up dream. But as a sexual sadist he wants more and he is looking for the ultimate playmate to push him to the limits. I mean, chapter 1 was pretty imaginative, so I wondered how far he was willing to go to be the darkest version of himself. The more we discover about this self obsessed narcissist the easier it is to hate him. Especially when he cannot take responsibility for his own actions, when it comes to how he treated his ex wife. Well, it makes you sick to your stomach. Honestly, Christo did a great job at illustrating this character and bringing him to life in his writing.
Just like any killer though we see his weakness, as his violence escalates he starts getting sloppy.
But in order to recompose himself, he does some pretty messed up stuff. I will say that I will never look at Lucky Charms the same way again. Then there's the unsettling way he breaks the fourth wall, completely aware that he's in a book and also the title. Which is impressive in itself to pull off as a writer, add in the descriptions and nauseating stuff Sam does to Milo. Trust me you will need a relaxing bath and chocolate after reading this Extreme and twisted horror.

[Paige Ray · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam is a sexual sadist that gets off on the most vile and depraved sexual acts you could possibly think of doing to someone. He records all of his sessions and uploads them to the dark web. He commits these acts in a secluded cabin that also happens to be where his sexual awakening first started.

Sam takes us on a real life GTA fueled adventure, fcking everything that crosses his path. He’s a quirky and matter-of-fact character that’s completely unhinged. His entire essence revolves around creating new holes to fck his way into, while the pina colada song is on loop, completely fulfilling his desires.

Eventually, things take a turn for Sam but he’s always got a plan in place, when things go wrong.

Chisto is a fcking legend. He absolutely obliterated my brain with this one. I can’t wait for Sam’s next adventure!

Everyone needs to read this book the moment it drops! It’s a fckin masterpiece. Pre-orders should be up now on Amazon!

[Becki 🤎 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam & Milo

First off I was already laughing at the witty chapter titles 😅 And second, Chisto warned me it kicks straight off from page 1…aaaaand he wasn’t joking, literally the first sentence!! Just how I like it 🤣

Ok so Sam is a sexual sadistic ball of quirky psychotic energy, he sees his “needs” as a sport, like he is his own competition on how F’d up he can make someone be in order to get his pleasurable kinks met 😬

Milo is unfortunately his perfect victim, the things Sam did to this man 😳 well what he did to all of them 🤣 jeeeee he was absolutely ruthlessly crackers!

I loved him though, he was so funny & unhinged you just can’t help but love him, even when he’s beating people up with a makeshift D 😂

This is hands down my favourite by Chisto so far, splatterpunk comedy is 100% for me, please make a sequel!! 🤞🏼🤞🏼🤞🏼
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ for this perfection 🤎

SP fans definitely need to get this! Check your triggers first though!!! 😁

[Bryan Moyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where do I even begin with this?

First, this is the love story of a sadist. Sam is truly sadistic and beyond any redemption, and he's unashamedly in love with his nature. His creativity is disturbing, heinous, and vile. The depraved acts he visits upon his victims leave you squirming and even gagging.

The story is rather well written. It's like an accident on the highway that you have to rubberneck just to see how mangled people got. Then, there's the Deadpool like fourth wall breaks that add a level of hilarity to the already over the top shenanigans.

This was a treat to read, as there were points I found myself squirming, grossed out, and laughing at the same time. I can't wait to see what the next misadventure Sam and his sort of faithful narrator find themselves in.

[A5hley Clarke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well if you like pina coladas stick around for this one as you are very early introduced to one of my new favourite serial unalivers oh my gosh this book had me from the first page the extremely Meta jaunts at the author which no other character in the book understood and the extreme violence and violation that was on show just made me speed through this incredible story I really enjoyed the imagery and the fact that an extreme horror made me laugh repeatedly is a roaring success on its own Sam is a lovable character and let’s not forget our poor Milo his mistake of choosing to stay at Sam’a log cabin will be his undoing.

I loved everything about this book and can’t wait to dive in to more of this Authors work

[Jae Morgan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Oh Chisto... This was one of the most brilliant, over the top, hysterical books I have read. I love the humor in it. There was so much depth and personality with the Sam, Marty, and Milo, that I truly believed in this characters... and hell, I rooted for Marty to get away.

This book is brutal, s3xual, violent, erotic, creepy, and funny. It's a story about a man who is looking for the next most vile and disgusting way to get off. He is a sadist, who lives for the next "big" thing. The author gives it to the reader with so many bodily fluids, I drowning in laughter. But the way the author writes these characters, they are so real.

There better be a part two... I'm just saying.

[Sarah DeRosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where to begin? The main character of this story has a distinct voice that truly sets him apart from most characters I've read. In a sick way, the author's writing pushes the reader to actually care about the sociopath that is Sam. His personality is flamboyant and bubbly while still revealing signs of his darkest desires as a sexual sadist. If you're looking for a short, fast paced read that will leave you questioning your sanity while delivering both elements of brutality and satire, this is it!

[Lesley Camphouse · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this one as a friend of mine absolutely adored it, and I understand why. The self-conscious Sam reminded me a bit of Deadpool, and it was funny how everyone around him was like, "WTF, Sam, get with the program."

Sam is delusional and doesn't perceive himself as a bad guy; in his words, he doesn't intend to kill, it just sometimes happens.

Lots of creative torture, and somehow still a light read.

[Desiree Horton · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was complicated. It was hilarious and absolutely disturbing. I still think about it. It haunts me in the best way. I could only read a page at a time before I had to set it down for a break, but so many innocuous parts of my life will never be the same. Cereal. I highly suggest this book if you feel like your life is too mundane, and you really want to ruin your whole day. So good!

[Christie Taylor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen… I’ll be totally honest. I like splatterpunk as much as the next girl. But when I saw “splatter comedy” I doubted. I. WAS. WRONG. This has got to be the best splatter novella I’ve read! The language is detailed and gorgeous. The narrator is unreliable and hilarious and I can’t wait to read the second part. 15/10 I can’t wait to grab the next one!

[Gabrielle Rains · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book! It was an entertaining, but derived read. It was well-written, with a steady pace, vivid imagery, and a hint of sadistic comedy. I really hope there is a second book! Despite his warped nature, Sam's character is fascinating. Of course, I sang "Do you like Pina Coladas?" in my head every time!

[Kati Chastain · Rating 5 out of 5]

First off thank you to Chisto Healy for sending me this fucked up amazing book.
From page 1 I was hooked and I want more of Sam! I laughed through the entire story, I don't know what that says about me but whatever. Sam has quite the sexual appetite and his methods are quite....unique. You should despise Sam this story finds you kind of liking him in a screwed up, needing therapy type of way.

[Gerald M. · Rating 5 out of 5]

A sadistic masterpiece

Christo has created a vile, disgusting character that you can't stop yourself from liking. You find yourself routing for both Sam AND his victims. A fun, fast read! I look forward to his next adventure!

[Matthew Vaughn · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is vile and depraved, but also hilarious! I loved it! So much fun was had in this extreme and over the top horror comedy. And Sam tells us that isn't supposed to be his only book, so I can't wait to read another raunchy and demented adventure of Sam's!

[Brittany Warren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew this book was going to be a wild ride from the first sentence. It was so funny and absolutely crazy. Sam is definitely one of my favorite characters. He kept breaking the fourth wall which was amazing.

[Nicola (deathandthemacabre) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sam is a sexual sadist who's quickly becoming bored of ways in which he can torture his victims, until he meets Milo, who quickly piques his interest and realises he can do things to him that he's only ever dreamt of.

This was hilarious. Sam is hilarious.. an asshole, but hilarious. Such a fun, witty, and gross little story. It's so well written and incredibly vivid. The gore scenes are descriptive and super nasty and leave you feeling like you need a shower. It felt like a dream, a psychedelic, fever dream of bodily fluids 😆 highly recommend to seasoned extreme horror lovers!