The Pursuit of Motherhood

by Jessica Hepburn

If you've ever felt a crumpling in your chest when another friend tells you that they're pregnant… If you've ever wondered why everyone else seems to find it so easy… If you've ever experienced the pursuit of motherhood… This book is for you. It is currently estimated that one in five couples have difficulty conceiving. Hepburn’s book which describes her long and, at times, heartbreaking journey to have a child has been called a cross between Bridget Jones Diary and Eat Pray Love for the infertile generation. 'After reading dozens of fertility books over the years, I’ve realised how hard it is to get a memoir about treatment right and to tell your own story in a way that other people will actually want to read, but Jessica Hepburn has managed it brilliantly in her book The Pursuit of Motherhood... Whether you’re at the start of your journey or in the middle of treatment, I think you’ll find something for you in Jessica’s book.'Kate Brian, Author of The Complete Guide to IVF and The Complete Guide to Female Fertility‪www.fertilitymatters.org.uk 'I started the book a few hours ago and have just finished it… I couldn’t stop reading. I love it. The honesty wrapped in engaging writing with a liberal dose of humour is awesome. I want everyone to read it so people can really understand what the journey is like.'Russell Davis, Fertility Coach, Author and Speaker www.thefertilemind.net 'A much needed, honest, moving and compassionate book. At times laugh-out-loud funny, at times incredibly touching, I know it will be of such help to many people.'Anya Sizer, Author of Fertile Thinking www.thefertilitycoach.co.uk 'I have just read The Pursuit of Motherhood in under 24 hours, I could not put it down. It felt like having a long intimate conversation with the author or having stumbled across her diary and once you join her on the rollercoaster ride of trying, and failing, to start a family, you are desperate to see if there is a happy ending. This book is heartbreaking, informative, inspiring and funny! An excellent read for anyone experiencing infertility or for anyone who wants to understand a little of what it is like.'Mindful Muma-To-Be mindfulmumatobe.blogspot.co.uk

Genres: Audiobook, Nonfiction, Memoir

249 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 27, 2014

Reviews

[Laurie Prim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a really powerful infertility memoir. The author is a highly accomplished, no nonsense business woman (she runs one of London’s leading theaters) who brings her “Let’s get this done” attitude to having baby via IVF after a diagnosis of unexplained infertility. But seven years of chronic treatment failure and grief is a storm that will batter the strongest of sails, and I found myself both cheering and aching for her, and certainly relating.

The author writes about her journey with unflinching directness and honesty. She has a paralyzing fear that the wrong sperm will be used to fertilize her eggs. She and her partner submit to financial devastation to afford treatment after treatment (I was delighted when she observed that money becomes like Monopoly money, an analogy I use nearly every day). She goes from workaholic to taking a sabbatical in an attempt to cope and improve the chances of having a successful cycle. Her relationship nearly doesn’t survive; she and her partner, both strained to the core, fight so viciously one night she hurls things at him and kicks him, and they briefly separate afterward. She yields to treatment she considers insane—both medical and alternative—in the name of trying anything. This is what infertility does. It turns you inside out, and demands. It infiltrates everything and promises nothing.

Perhaps most poignantly, the author closes the book without having gotten her happy ending, acknowledging that her pursuit of motherhood has become a life all its own, but firm that it will be followed with a new life of goodness, whether with child or without. I hope she can feel her readers still pulling for her long after we put the book down.

Unexplained infertility is a special form of torment that I hear about every day in support groups. Give me a reason, these smart, resourceful women rightfully cry. Give me a problem so that I may have hope of a solution. I think that knife twists especially sharply in someone with the organizational style and pragmatic temperament of the author, which I share. I also appreciated reading the rare secular infertility memoir. While I am all for people getting through however they can, I find the ubiquitous lament that God will grant a baby in His time chafing.

All in all, I recommend this book finds its way to the top of anyone’s infertility memoir list.

[Summer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Real and raw journey to try get (and stay) pregnant. Beautifully written and grateful for the author sharing their ongoing journey

[Els · Rating 4 out of 5]

That wasn't an easy read. I'm not sure what I expected but this wasn't it. I don't think this was a good read for me at this point in my life.

[Sarah Watt · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read this thinking it would give me some insight into what would motivate someone to go through 7 years of trying to have a baby including 10 rounds of IVF and £50,000 of debt. Not really. It was a blow-by-blow account of every harrowing twist and turn in the trying process, and was powerfully written in that respect, but there was no real examination of the underlying desire for a child - until the very end:

"... has the moment finally come to explore all the alternative possibilities – including a life without children? And maybe I don’t want a baby anyway? Do I really want to have my sleeping patterns disrupted; become acquainted with the perils of childcare; give up my evenings and weekends to swimming lessons and games on Wii?"

*headdesk*

It was still an engaging read although I guess I did not really warm to the author.

[Leona]

we get it, you lived in Oxford

[Hannah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good read about someones journey to have children that did not ultimately result in a baby!

[Jasmine Eisha Beaumont · Rating 5 out of 5]

Beautifully written

Not usually the type of book that I would go for but after listening to a talk by Jessica I knew I had to give it a go!

This book is written beautifully touching on a subject that can still be seen as a bit Taboo, Infertility. Whilst reading my heart broke for Jessica and Peter as they longed for a child.

Written from her own experiences Jessica tells the truth about her IVF journey in a harrowing way. It’s so well written and you start to feel like you know Jessica on a deeper level.

[Lucy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I downloaded this book at 1am and stayed up reading jt until it was light outside - I was gripped - I laughed out loud and shed quite a few tears. Extremely relatable to me, someone at the start of the IVF journey, I could have written some parts myself.

[Caroline Priddle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was painfully relatable for me. Such an articulate account of the hope and disappointment and all the other emotions that go with infertility and IVF. I read it in a flash. Brilliant. Having listened to Jessica on the BFN podcast, I’ve been meaning to read this and now so pleased I have.

[Rachel Royle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I would recommend it for anyone dealing with infertility. I was not satisfied with the ending. Without giving away anything, I will say that I wish that she'd waited another year or 2 to publish a more conclusive story.

[The Northern Bookworm · Rating 5 out of 5]

Moving, thought provoking and honest. Helps to make what can be a very painful journey seem a little more hopeful.

[Debra · Rating 1 out of 5]

Very depressing. Wouldn't recommend to couples or their families considering IVF.

[Margaret Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brave and honest.

[Laura RM · Rating 5 out of 5]

I bought this late at night and ended up staying up into the early hours reading it, finishing the book the next morning.

[Francesca Steyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book by my friend and author Jess Hepburn - couldn’t put this down.

[Bookgirl · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read and one of the very few books dealing with this issue that get it right.
Lots of kudos to the author and her husband.

Small warning though: my copy's binding was pretty messed up, with every other page sticking together.

[Natasha Dyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant, must read.

[Natasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

By my friend and superwoman Jess Hepburn. Compelling and simple account of her struggle to have a child and why she has since turned to extreme challenges instead e.g. Channel swimmer, marathon runner! Jess' voice is a wise one for my generation.