The Way of Play: Using Little Moments of Big Connection to Raise Calm and Confident Kids

by Tina Payne Bryson, Georgie Wisen-Vincent

Discover how short, daily, playful interactions with your kids can help them face their fears, handle big emotions, and bolster their social skills--by the New York Times bestselling co-author of The Whole-Brain Child and a renowned play therapist

Most parents understand that unstructured play time is good for a child's attention span and creativity, but new science has discovered that specific, deliberate, playful interaction with parents is the key to their healthy emotional development and later resilience as well.

As Tina Payne Bryson and expert Georgie Wisen-Vincent explain, this doesn’t mean getting on all fours and making toy car sounds or enrolling a child in mommy-and-me classes; it's the daily, little moments together that can make the most impact. In The Way of Play, they detail the seven playful techniques that harness this caregiving magic and take just a few minutes. You'll learn how 

Leaning Into Emotions helps your child let go of anxieties, drama and chaotic behaviorTuning Into the Body teaches a child to practice the art of surfing sensory wavesStorytelling promotes better problem solving Thinking Out Loud fosters calmer thinking and stronger communication with you, their siblings, and everyone else
Full of science-backed research, real-life stories, and charming line illustrations, The Way of Play will help parents nurture kids who are calm listeners, cooperative problem solvers, and respectful communicators. Just as important, they’ll help families have more fun together.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Childrens, Family, Psychology, Audiobook, Family Life

276 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2025

About the author

Dr. Tina Payne Bryson (she/her) is the author of THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY (Random House 2020) and co-author (with Dan Siegel) of THE POWER OF SHOWING UP (Random House 2020) and THE YES BRAIN (Random House 2018), as well as two New York Times bestsellers -- THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD (Random House 2011), and NO-DRAMA DISCIPLINE (Random House 2014) -- each of which has been translated into over fifty languages. THE WHOLE-BRAIN CHILD has now sold over a million copies.

Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice, and of The Play Strong Institute, a center devoted to the study, research, and practice of play therapy through a neurodevelopment lens.

Tina keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for kids, parents, educators, clinicians, and industry leaders all over the world, and she makes frequent media appearances (for example, in TIME Magazine, “Good Morning America,” Huffington Post, Redbook, The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and Real Simple). A graduate of Baylor University, she earned her LCSW and PhD from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.

Tina emphasizes that before she’s a parenting educator, or a researcher, she’s a mom. She limits her clinical practice and speaking engagements so that she can spend time with her family. Alongside her husband of 27 years, parenting her three boys is what makes her happiest.

Tina’s professional life now focuses on taking research and theory from various fields of science, and offering it in a way that’s clear, realistic, humorous, and immediately helpful. As she puts it, “For parents, clinicians, and teachers, learning about how kids’ (and their own) brains work is surprisingly practical, informing how they approach discipline, how they help kids deal with everyday struggles, and ultimately how they connect with the children they care about.”

Reviews

[Jacqueline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Overall I enjoyed this book and respect Tina Payne Bryson's work and insight, but I wish there were more concrete examples. I guess there were a decent amount of examples in the illustrations, but I still felt like the reading felt too abstract for me.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just like "Whole Brained Child" and "No-Drama Discipline", this book will be the new MUST READ parenting book on everyone's shelf.

I had high hopes going into this, especially because I just finished reading No-Drama Discipline and this one definitely exceeded my expectations.

The chapters were broken down SO clearly and was so easy to read. Each "strategy" had its own chapter and my favorite part was the "step-by-step" section where there are easy to understand guidelines on exactly how to implement the strategies. This book has been SO extremely helpful and answered so many questions I had in my head. I will definitely be buying the physical copy and handing out to all my parent friends!

After finishing the main chapters, I enjoyed reading the conclusion as it not only summarized everything, but also reassured parents that this doesn't mean you have to sit and play with your child 24/7, but encourages them to include playfulness throughout your interactions with your child. It was so refreshing and encouraging to read this book.

MUST READ FOR PARENTS AND EDUCATORS!!!!

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars. This rubbed me the wrong way at the beginning. "Spending time with your children and paying attention to them so you know them well is good for their development" should not be a revolutionary concept, and I'm not sure it needs to be an "approach" with a snappy name. But the practical advice on ways to do that well is good and easy to read, and I think it could be especially helpful for people who didn't have interacting well with children modeled for them when they were kids themselves.

[Celyna · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.5 ⭐️

[Lorna · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had forgotten how to play. At least with kids. Sure I can run a decent D&D session, go on a bandit slaughtering spree on Skyrim, and (not) dodge creepers as I build the home of my Minecraft dreams- but playing with a child? Nope. Way out of my comfort zone.

The Way of Play breaks play down into digestible steps for parents to engage, forge relationships with their children and promote emotional regulation and logical thinking. Since I myself struggle with emotional regulation, I often feel highly unqualified to teach my children how to do it- after all I don’t know what I’m doing!

But after reading about PlayStrong Parenting and the seven strategies that make up its core beliefs, I do feel more equipped. I’ve only just now started implementing them and engaging with my kids in a much more intentional way, but I’ve already noticed a vast improvement in how connected my oldest kiddo feels to me.

I’m excited to keep building my skills and keep playing- after all, it’s fun! The Way of Play is a must read for parents! My only criticism is that at times it feels very repetitive, but each subsequent strategy builds on the one before so it makes sense and is important to revisit.

[Jenicca Porter · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m always anxious to read anything by Tina Payne Bryson, and this book adds an extra layer to all the good parenting advice I’ve read from her in the past. My big complaint about this book is that the formatting is awful. There are text boxes and illustrations all over this book in locations that break up the text in distracting ways. The text boxes are my main complaint because sometimes they copy verbatim what you just read (which cues my mind to ignore them) and other times they have new, important information in them. I could handle it one way or the other, but the lack of consistency drove me nuts. Personally, I think the book could do without the text boxes completely.

[Christy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not a bad book, but probably meant more for new parents or those without a background in education.

[Freddie Rivas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantastic. Essential read for parents and professionals. Clear, insightful and profound.

[Ferz Hazzard · Rating 5 out of 5]

Alright, if you’re a parent (or work with kids in any way), this book is a game-changer. At first, I wasn’t sure—do I really need a book to tell me how to play with my kid? But The Way of Play completely shifted my perspective, kind of like how Good Inside by Dr. Becky Kennedy changed the way I see parenting. 🫂❤️

The main idea? Play is a child’s first language—it’s how they express emotions, process the world, and build essential skills. But what makes this book different is that it’s not just about letting kids play—it’s about joining in with intention. The authors break down seven super practical strategies (like narrating what your child is doing, mirroring their emotions, and using play to help them handle big feelings), and they make it so easy to apply. No fancy toys, no extra time—just a few minutes of mindful play each day can make a huge impact.

What I loved most is how real this book is. The authors get that parents are exhausted and don’t always love playing (seriously, how many pretend tea parties can we do?). But they show how small shifts in how we engage can make life easier—fewer meltdowns, less resistance, and a stronger connection with your kid. 👧🏻👦🏾👶🏽🧒🏼

⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ (5/5)

[Gello · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book would have benefited from a lot more editing to remove a lot of the "theory" and to add more examples. Too much of it reads like an essay for an undergraduate class and too little seems directed at parents. If you're thinking of reading this book, consider skimming and just reading the cartoons/drawings.

I hope these authors decide to record videos demonstrating REAL play sessions and interactions with real kids. That would be more helpful.

Almost all the examples were with little kids (a lot of 3 year olds).

[E.R. Burgess · Rating 5 out of 5]

A succinct, highly actionable book filled with wisdom about how to parents can ensure their children get the most of our play, their primary way to learn in the early years. I read the book as research for my own book about the value of board game play for adults, but now I need to get a copy for my nephew because it’s so useful for parents of young kids.

[Johannah Kettell · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book after hearing a podcast interview with the authors but ultimately the advice was very basic and, to me at least, seemed pretty intuitive. I didn’t love how much of each chapter was separated into blurbs.

[Kat · Rating 3 out of 5]

I couldn't finish it, I somehow couldn't connect with the book. I won't say that I don't recommend it though because Tina Payne Bryson is amazing and I love her work. I am pretty sure that the practical way that the book is written will be very helpful for many. 2,5 stars 🌟

[Tricia · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this well-written, easily digested parents' guide to play, childhood experts give a detailed explanation of how and why grown ups should interact playfully with their kids. Siting such positive outcomes as emotion regulating, learning new skills, and empathizing with others; they give seven simple strategies that can turn playtime into an important and effective addition to the parenting toolbox.

As a parent, I love spending time with my kids, but when I can play with them and feel like I'm doing more than just making a connection, that's a win/win. That's what this book felt like: a way to take something that I think all parents do to some extent and elevate it to the next level. It makes an excellent case for the necessity of playing with our kids while also keeping it simple and extremely doable. The seven play strategies are laid out in a linear fashion and are well-defined and explained, with valuable information about what each strategy entails as well as its overall purpose. Then, the authors give step-by-step instructions for parents to implement the strategy in real-world, practical applications. Unlike some parenting books, it did not feel overwhelming or unrealistic. In fact, the authors to a great job of emphasizing the fact that their methods and suggestions are not an overnight, quick fix but rather a life long way of interacting positively and playfully with children to achieve desired results over time.

I found this book very straight forward to read and its advice and strategies actually implementable in my own home. I would recommend it to parents looking for ways to connect with their children and to anyone who is interested in how play can be used to help grow confident kids.

[Greg Talbot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Crossing the great unknown into parenthood, there are many activites that once seemed strange or off putting that simply become part of the role. Diapers, feeding schedules, sleep schedules, cradling all become part of the habitual background of parenthood. Play remains mysterious. It's call and response. It seems obvious, but is often elusive. Openness and availability is asked more of a parent than for the child.

Behavior is a language, and for children a crucial one for interacting with their world. Until the top-down processing is built in adulthood, their sensory play becomes an extension of their language "The Way of Play", Tina Payne Brown and Georgie Wisen-Vincent review elements of play in straight-forward and functional ways. As simple as it is to "think out loud" or "make yourself a mirror", I found the ideas to be relevalatory. Often in adulthood play gets more guarded or rules-based. The shortsighted idea is that "play" can be frivious compared to the necsscity of "adulting". Just one glance at any headliens about the loneliness epidemic or the attention-seeking economy are a remember that our relationshipal health is in-part a result of how well we know how to play.

This is an excellent book. I willl be sure to look for podcasts from Bryson and Vicent in the future.

[Pamela Beckford · Rating 4 out of 5]

The Way of Play outlines some practical ways to guide children through play to make them learning experiences, while not making it about that. The book has several steps adults can take to engage with children to help them grow emotionally..

I thought there were lots of practical how-tos, the book also delves into brain development and social/emotional learning. While I liked the more technical aspects, there may be parents reading it that may not - but it is easily glossed over if you prefer.

Many illustrations of activities and how they can achieve certain things. But also illustrations (literally pictures) of those activities and how they play out.

If you interact with children of all ages, this book could be a helpful tool for you..

I was given this book by NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for a fair and honest review. All opinions are my own.

[William Harmon · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of knowledge with regards to how to incorporate play into the parenting process. I don't have many competing viewpoints to compare this with, but much of the knowledge feels very intuitive and sensible. The examples and active guidance are great. All parents know that the one thing you're never going to mind more of is confidence that you're doing the right thing.

My largest critique is that there are sections that suggest the use of language that's rather advanced for ~3 year olds, but possibly fine for ~6 year olds and I wasn't always clear exactly what age ranges the steps would begin applying to.

Otherwise, I think this book was great. Very accessible reading level, which is obviously to make it accessible to the widest range of parents possible. A completely understandable goal.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a fantastic book about different techniques parents (and anyone who works with kids) can pull into play time to create more connection with your kids as well as help them work on understanding their emotions and co-regulation. It's full of examples and illustrations on how to put the techniques into use. I was able to immediately use a couple of the ideas in playtime with my kids, and I think the techniques will continue to be a good tool for playtime.

Thanks to Netgalley and Rodale Books for an early copy.

[Kristin Donegan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Useful strategies for elementary and younger kids, but they had an appendix of best play routines/world for all ages. The strategies are things you're probably already doing: thinking out loud, making yourself a mirror, bringing emotions to life, dialing the intensity up or down,scaffolding and stretching (big teacher verbage chapter here), narrating to integrate, and setting playtime parameters. They don't just explain the strategies, but do so with a focal point of when to use it and a how-to process.

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good ideas and helpful for better ways to go about playing with my kids in ways that impact how they deal with situations. I think my only critique (and obviously it goes against the title) is that I wished there was more of their suggestions for outside of play. However, I get that the hope is that play will help them work through those other situations as well.

This book had a lot of great help and was easy to get through. It made me think of some kids with specific behavior issues as well that this would help support other parents. The authors are great period.

[Kaitlin AE · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this from the library about the same time as “Good Inside” by Becky Kennedy. I was more drawn to Good Inside but had to return it to the library faster and haven’t finished. I went back to this and while some of the material presented was interesting (I.e. dial into the intensity of emotions, not just naming them) it didn’t present anything too novel or new that I hadn’t learned in Whole Brain Child or from Good Inside. I suppose it all puts it into the context of play and reinforces the importance of play for growth, learning, and development for young kids.

[Riah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is well-organized and easy to apply for parents and therapists alike. No matter your child's age, current developmental level, or your parenting prowess, I guarantee you can find something here for your situation and apply it right away. Meet kids where they are. Use their favorite processing tool. This is some of the best and most applicable advice from a strong research base without ever sounding like the authors are teaching you science or in any way devaluing your parenting efforts.

[Lindsay Head · Rating 3 out of 5]

I loved “The Whole Brain Child” but this one didn’t connect for me. I liked some of the content but disconnected with some examples used and the assessment of the child’s feelings. Additionally, I would have liked references through instead of generalized statements like “studies showed” without them cited there. Overall I do think it had valuable and good info, just don’t resonate fully with me.

[Kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Addressing play at its source—a tool for connection, a primary format for learning and integrating problem solving strategies (emotionally and logically), a supportive method to encourage adaptive routine/boundary setting for children, and so much more. Play is POWERFUL. Great strategies and insight here!

[Tracy Pack]

This book is incredibly hard to rate. Mostly I was sad reading it. Like when did kids become so disconnected from their parents.. they are away from parents so much that this book is trying to sell them that minutes of actual play and attention will help. It had some good takeaways, but I left feeling a type of way about parenting overall.

[Janel G. B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

The illustrations are key. Lots of great ideas in here, and I even made a slide for my staff program binder (I run an elementary school program for students with behavioral disabilities) to guide staff when interacting with students in play settings based off of the teachings in here. But I think this would be a lot more user friendly for parents if it was less wordy and shorter.

[Brittany · Rating 3 out of 5]

I would’ve loved more ideas. A lot of times it felt like they just kept going on and on about the importance of play but I feel like I already know that, that’s why I’m reading the book! Definitely would’ve loved more options and ideas and WAY less blurbs that literally just repeat what you just read.

[Chelsie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’ve just read too many books like this lately, so it felt like a repeat. I also enjoy playing often with my kiddos, but if play/whimsy is a struggle, this book could be super helpful! Just felt redundant based off other books I’ve read recently. Still love the author & the Whole Brained Child is a fave.

[Mikayla Mann · Rating 3 out of 5]

I could see this being really helpful for lots of parents. It felt like a reiteration in a lot of ways of my SLP master’s program. It was an easy read but honestly felt a little bit common sense. I think that has more to do with my background than the source material though!

[Rachel · Rating 5 out of 5]

OMG I LOVED THIS BOOK!! It’s literally my passion. It was so cool to read this as I’m working in a preschool and I already tried to model what I’ve learned. I feel like it was mostly geared towards parents but it’s so important for educators too